>29-year-old third-world male here.I have both Autism and OCSD (obsessive compulsive spectrum disorder)I don't understand concepts like friendship and love, but I did fall in love with a girl.I was 9, she was 8, we both liked each other (it was obvious), but being an autist, I could never confess until school was overShe's a massive religious cunt (muslim), so by the time she grew up, Islam became more important to her than anything else (even her family)long story short, I asked her to help - once we were out of school - with my head as I needed a friend. Chronic depression makes you really lonely.She refused, saying I'm non-mahram (non-family member male), so talking with me is haram.She won't talk to me, but she stayed in touch.In the meantime, she and her female friends will hang around with non-mahram boys from her college and our old school, though talking with me was still haram.I realised I've been cucked.Then 4 years ago she messaged me saying she loved me too and then deleted all her social mediaI've not seen her irl in 13 years now, and not talked with her online in 4 years.Last I heard, she got married.She has treated me like shit, so I no longer love her, but the obsessive part of my OCSD keeps ruminating about her. All day, every day.I'm tired of this. My meds keep my 'tism in check, but my OCSD is running rampant.I'll ask my doctor to up the SSRI dose from 200 mg/day to 300 mg/day, but I don't want to because ever since I started the SSRI, even though I feel a lot better, I feel like an emotionless husk.What can I do to get over her when my brain won't listen to me?If you can't help, don't bother making fun of me.
>>33649986I got a combination of depression, tism, maybe schizoid? I got stuck in multi-hour suicidal daydream loopsFapping helps. being horny is more overpowering than being suicidal, or they can't mix, whatever. If I put myself in a mildly dangerous situation it would also work.Otherwise I just keep vigilant and force myself to Snap out (if I can catch myself) and focus on something else. Literally slapping myself awake works well, if the thought-loops are too intense to catch yourself or you haven't set the habit yet I'd recommend setting up a digital alarm for it
>>33649986I thought it was bad that I was upset about the girl I never dated from 4 years ago and letting it ruin my life but holy shit. I don't know what to tell you OP other than you need to let it go. If she wanted to be in your life she would be and not a ghost for the last 13 years. She probably doesn't even remember you exist anymore at this point.
