Long story short>Did well at high school, could enroll into any university I wanted>Got pressured by mother into joining police academy, which is about as far away from my aspirations as it can be>suffering for 3+ years and counting for a soul-crushing and potentially dangerous job that I dread the closer I get to graduationIt’s a special kind of torture to see your family preening themselves over how their son got enrolled into such a “prestigious” school guaranteeing such a well-paying and stable job that will surely prop up our unsustainable finances even when they deadass know I have been pressured into this. Of course, most of the blame should be laid on me. I was such a spineless faggot back then to let them put me into this situation in the first place, and this is the price. Should have, should have, should have, that’s all my mind’s been thinking for these past few years, and the regret keeps mounting on and on until I’ve been sapped of all motivation to do anything meaningful. All I want to do right now is to lock myself in an empty room and just lie there staring at the ceiling until the sky falls down or whatever. I’m just so fucking tired of this never-ending self-pitying chain of thought. I cannot live like this.
>>33661487What did we learnnnnnnNever take advice from people who don't have to deal with the consequences of it
>>33661487Continue educating yourself and find a position within the wide enforcement industry that suits you. If you don't want to patrol, then don't, certainly there is other stuff you can do
>>33661512Well, at least now I know, even if it sucks donkey balls>>33661526The possibility is there, I’ll admit, but it’s a narrowing possibility. I’ve been hearing through the grapevine that recent government policies are making harder to apply for other, less conventional positions (I’m a third-worlder, fyi). One of my main fears is that my interests and strongpoints are not compatible at all with what’s required within the industry. These past few years at the academy feels like they’re forcing me to square the circle. I feel like I’m losing myself by the day and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m too close to graduation to give up now while continuing on feels uncertain, especially considering that I might have to spend all of my adult working life on a job that I might despise. I do know there’s the option of leaving the field entirely after I’m done with uni, but that’s also a whole other can of worms that I for better or worse would rather kick it down the road for now.
>>33661487I don't know what 3rd world country you live in, but in the USA most policemen are adrenaline junkies that want the dangerous patrol jobs and they hate deskwork. If the same is true where you are, maybe you can get a safe position like crime scene technician or evidence roomOh, and definitely figure out what you want to actually do later in life so you can make a plan for how to do that
>>33661614It’s quite the opposite over here. We’re bending over backwards to NOT get assigned field work. Even the “best” positions i.e. being an investigator carries a lot of (mostly political) risks. It’s basically choosing in which way do you want your job to suck.I’m figuring it out as I go, the problem is whether I have enough balls to cross my family and bet my life on a risky venture when the surefire option is already right there. Our financial situation really isn’t the best, and I do empathize with them seeing me as their ticket to solvency. It doesn’t sit right with me to “betray” them like that, even after all the shit they’ve put me through. I’m still their son, after all. Damnit, this really isn’t going anywhere lol
>>33661642Working through your options, can you use your high school performance to get into a different college now or has too much time passed?Also, who pays your bills when you're in school? You? Family? Government?
>>33661658No can do, I’d need to take the enrollment exam again. And the gov pays the bills with a monthly allowance added in. You can see why they’re so adamant about this career path.An option I’ve been considering for a while is working either part- or full-time as a foreign language tutor or at least something adjacent to English. It pays the bills especially when English is all the rage nowadays but is considerably more risky than my current path. Furthermore, this school really loves to cram our timetable with classes and other extraneous shit so it’s hard to slot in time to prepare for that kind of stuff, let alone actually doing it.This is kind of off the mark, but I have to say that writing things out like this does help me clear up my mind. Makes this whole situation less hopeless in a way. Thanks for indulging me!
