Okay, let me explain my scenario hopefully without writing a text wall and tell me if you have experienced even the slightest similarity.As the title implies my brain seems to go in these month - two month long cycles of productivity followed by no productivity and I cannot tell whyBasically I will be feeling good, positive, have goals, enjoy hobbies, and form new goals I wanna achieve and all is wellFor no reason, everything 180s - zero inspiration, zero desire, and complete inability to do anythingThe thing is, I cannot tell if this is1) A self fulfilling prophecy that's been cursing me for almost a year now i.e. I say I can't do it, so I can't - I truly do not feel desire to do things I usually enjoy, sometimes feel paralyzed when trying to do them, and do not even have them on the forefront of my mind leading me to believe it is not this2) It is simply inspiration running out so I need to just develop willpower, habits, or doing things without thinking to circumvent not wanting to do it. Doesn't matter if there's no desire, simplify it to something you just do cause you do it, that sort of things- Possibly this? When I eventually 180 a second time it is rather sporadic and just an "Okay, I'm fine now" moment - so maybe it is a sort of stop thinking so hard or focusing so hard on not feeling desire type thing3) some actual mental diseaseHas anyone felt anything like this? I want to clarify this is affecting my hobbies mostly. I spend my free time doing nothing. At first I thought it was stress related and tried not to push myself so hard towards being super efficient with my time spent on hobbies, but even now I don't feel stressed I just feel nothing. Nothing at all. I want to enjoy things again instead of just existing in this void collecting paychecks.
>>33664404Consistent ups and downs like that are usually indicative of bipolar disorder. You described the manic/depressive cycle pretty well there.
>>33664404I'm type 1 bipolar, and this sure sounds like bipolar disorder to me. The two poles are typically described as "mania" and "depression" but it's more accurate to characterize them as "high energy" and "low energy". The connection is that maxed-out energy makes you manic, and minned-out energy makes you depressed. But bipolar doesn't necessarily mean that you peg the meter one way or the other during your phases, it's really that the phases are both unnaturally durable and unconnected to anything in the real world.
fuck this sounds like me
>>33665005Sorry to hear that bro
>>33664495I don’t think these phases are as intense or uh like life-altering that bipolar would bring like I have a job and this doesn’t disrupt my workI feel like it really is just some lack of discipline dopamine fried thing- not ruling out bipolar though
Coincidentally my computer system is down at my job right nowSo, I’m stuck doing nothing - and now I wanna do thingsMaybe I legit over stimulate myself / form habits of not doing thingsI wanna try going home from work and legit stare at a wall for 10 minutes and see what happens is this dumb lol
>>33666673cool blogpost, gonna tell us what you had for breakfast too?
>>33666713Well are you interested in hearing that
>>33666713No need to be a faggot towards anon bro
sounds a lot like a womans natural and healthy hormonal cycle.
>>33664404Ride the productivity month/2 and when your not feeling it, just take a break. Just come back to it every week or so and if you're still not feeling it that's ok. The catastrophising is making you avoid getting back to being productive. If you accept that your taking a break then it isn't such a big deal and you'll probably get back to it quicker rather than descending into this spiral of not being productive and avoiding it because you've "lost all this time".Hobbies are supposed to be fun, there is no reason to have this much pressure on yourself. Give yourself some grace.
>>33668714perhaps yes but it feels like torture doing literally nothing ever for weeks
>>33664404Generally, people work hard and then rest, no one works all the time. Stephen King does the same thing that you do.
>>33668721Probably because you're stressing about what you "should" be doing. I bet if you're able to accept the fact that you're just taking a break, you'll come back to your hobby shit alot faster.
>>33668758yeah ive had those thoughts before but no it's just months of nothingness but maybe i could somehow try again
>>33664404Some would say bipolar disorder (was my diagnosis in the past). But I found that it's just the way I work.Some people love routines, everyday the same things, the same rhythm, the continuous little and predictable output. The 9-5 office worker.Others have phases of high productivity, followed by a more silent phase of contemplating, researching, "doing nothing" and waiting for ideas. The artist or hacker. Perhaps that's you as well.
>>33666366I'm diagnosed Type 1 bipolar, and I also have a job and it doesn't disrupt my work. Bipolar is defined by the intensity of the mood swings as much as it is by the durability of the mood swings. I've had manic episodes that lasted 6 weeks, and depressive episodes that lasted over 4 months, but not even my worst manic episodes required hospitalization.https://floridabhcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/Bipolar-Disorders_Adult-Guidelines-2019-2020.pdf
>>33668798It's not about trying, it's about accepting the fact you're not going to be productive all the time and that's ok. You are allowed to not be productive. It's tough if your hobby is creating (writing, drawing, painting, etc) but that is also work and you're gonna get burnt out from time to time. Allow yourself to step away when you're not feeling it. Watch some anime, veg on YouTube or just stare at the fuckin wall. It's all ok. Let go of this idea of what you could do if you just ground your face into creating. You're not a robot and just let yourself be you. Hobbies aren't that serious and you can just enjoy it as it comes.
>>33669007I understand all that it is just that these periods where I do nothing are fucking boring, they don't feel enjoyable it isn't even a mental breatherI'm not stressing at all about not doing things, no stress or feelings of obligation, just a longing to feel desire
>>33664404That sounds like what I experience, I have cyclothymia which is a milder version of bipolar
>>33668995Interesting. I will say I have had trouble focusing in the past but nothing like major - all the stuff Ive talked about really started when I got a jobAll I mean to say is, I think that's all it is....but at the same time I'm basically always in this low state now
>>33669028Not sure what you're looking for then. If you think it's medical, go see a doctor. There is no magic 'motivation' spell. You can either accept yourself as you are or develop the discipline to do your hobby shit when you don't feel like it. Start small like write one paragraph a day, draw one lamp or some shit. Do it consistently, but if you don't, it's ok and try again tomorrow.
>>33669091fair enough it probably is a matter of just doing it and if i truly dont enjoy it right now and didnt just convince myself im not in the mood then i move on>>33669065yes this sound exactly what i feel
I will simply turn my brain off and see what happens
I realized the cause was stress months ago and tried managing it and that lasted for like a monthBut now I’m realizing again it is probably just stress relatedIt’s why I gotta plan out things and can’t sporadically do them - why I don’t feel interested in experiencing new things because it makes me either feel like I should’ve done it sooner or still have more to do, rather than enjoy things in the moment, why I generally feel less joy when doing things, why I feel like I gotta do everything I enjoy every day, or at least think of all the other things I could’ve done instead of the thing I chose to do- it’s kinda like when I became a bit older as an adult all the wonder was sucked out of tasks even ones I enjoy So yeah I think it’s stress or something warping my perception of everything in life Ty for reading this blog friends
Thanks Anons. This thread is really speaking to me. I am a lot like some of you. I want to do better but first i gotta find out what's the root of the issue
the only solution is the stop caring about anything or the complete opposite and be as strict and punctual as possible with everything you doanything else will result in your floundering in betweenYou either create a scenario where nothing matters so there's no stress, or you have zero choice but to do something
>>33664404hey anon, you won't believe me but i also used to experience similar symptoms as you describe.I would strongly advice you to make some lifestyle changes and see if that helps you in some way.Everyone on this thread says you have some form of "bipolar disorder" or alike but in my opinion I think that what you have is depression, i say this because i struggled with depression for years, and what you describe as "brain going in cycles" i think is really just your depression turning on and off.> I spend my free time doing nothing.Start exercising daily, and eat healthy food. Also make sure you eat enough food and you aren't in a calorie deficit. I started to run 5km daily and do strength exercises twice a week and it changed my life, I barely feel depressed and unmotivated anymore or anxiety or weird emotional changes not knowing why. Also try to reduce your screen time at let your mind think about things at least 2 hours a day
