hi. id like to become an hero. already have it all planned out. the issue is that surprise, surprise, my brain, which has evolved for hundreds of millions of years out of sheer fucking spite of entropy just to exist, wants to continue existing. i dont want my last moments to be in fear, so does anyone have any ideas?
>>33668201That might not be the only reason you don't want to die. You might have some shred of hope. But, my advice would be to find the most painless method and then acquaint yourself with it. But it sounds to me like you still want to live.
>>33668201>have any ideas?heroin. why are you so against being on a substance? you'll be dead anyways
>>33668239i agree with you out of principle, however being intoxicated statistically lowers the likelihood of mortality for my specific method and also im broke as fuck. if i had money, id go out with SN and id 100% use substances. substances are the easiest and probably best way to make sure that it'd be either awesome as fuck or at least peaceful.
>>33668206I appreciate that advice and I can't disagree entirely because I don't want to die, I just don't really have a choice. desensitization is probably the best strategy in this scenario so ill def try to hone in on that.
>>33668304Why don't you have a choice?
>>33668304youre going to have to be more specific
>>33668348>>33668374no one's forcing me to do this, so i really mean to say that i simply have no other options, though i won't pretend that im in the most rational state to say that with certainty.here's the short story. ever since my trauma, ive basically just felt dead for years. detached from my emotions, detached from my body, my self, my humanity. the world is changing around me but im just frozen in this purgatory of sorts. and if i do feel shit, it's just guilt and and fear and self-hatred. i dont want to be like this. i want to get my shit together and act like y'know, a normal human being?so the obvious solution is therapy. problem is, my insurance company is disgusting and vile and treats their workers like dogshit and so everyone there is either a) incompetent or b) burnt out to oblivion because said insurance is vile and disgusting. so part of it is systemic.now, let's look at the internal side of things. im also at fault here. i get caught up in my own guilt and distrust of the world and end up withdrawing from everything. i dont want that to be the case. but it happens over and over and over. im just so fucking exhausted of fighting myself.some therapists have said it might be PTSD. my mom has it and I've witnessed firsthand how she went from this lively and kind woman to this shell of a person. she lost herself. people say you can heal from this stuff and I guess things are a little better for her, but she's still nothing of what she used to be. i know she'll go after i do.so it's more so that I have no other options is what I mean to say. no one's forcing me to do this, but i just can't fight myself anymore and other people can't do it for me either unfortunately.i want to get my shit together but im just tired of fighting myself. and the future scares me. i don't want to make it to 19. so i don't really have any other options.
>>33668556yeah man just make an exit bag
>>33668593that's what id do if i wasnt broke (besides SN). there's extensive literature on both (Peaceful Pill Handbook my beloved) and relatively easy to do.
are you brown? then if yes do it if you are white don´t kill yourself go find a wife and have white kids that will give you purpose and a reason to keep on going for at least 30+ years. I am trying that and it keeps me going everyday...
