Early in our relationship I cheated. We were (and are) a LDR, and one day a woman I had spoken to on a dating app prior to us getting together (nothing came of it, and we didn't talk after me and my girlfriend go together) added me on Snapchat. We talked and then swapped nudes all on the same day without my disclosing my relationship. That same day I put a stop to things, blocked her, and haven't been in contact since. It's been years, at least four if not five (I'm not sure, and have no records to go back to, I deleted/blocked her on everything and even deleted my Snapchat to make sure I could never pull anything like that again). I'm completely disgusted with myself and the choice I made, and have not been unfaithful since, and have worked at being better as a person since. I still feel guilt. Should I just buck up and deal with the guilt, or should I come clean?
>>33673075what she doesn't know doesn't hurt hernothing came out of it, so just let it go.seriously you're going to fuck things upget over your guilt in other ways.trust me once you reveal that to her nothing will go back to what it was, nothing.
It’s been so long that I personally wouldn’t bring it up (the fact you remember it and are so guilty about it still is wild but to each their own) .
>>33673098I mean I love her, and I made a choice contrary to what she/myself would expect of me. She deserves far better than what I chose to do, so of course I remember it.
>>33673113People don't get what they deserve, they get what they get. Also you made a choice that day and that's it. If you tell her you would still feel guilty because you genuinely think that what you did was wrong and you can never undo it. The only thing you will do by telling her is ruin her life as well and lose her while feeling even more guilty now that two of your actions (you cheating and you deciding to tell her) have ruined 2 lives. Is that worth anything ? Also she probably also cheated on you or will do. So yea
>>33673183I doubt she'll cheat on me. But fair points.
>>33673075kys and save her having to break up with your bitch self
>>33673272fuck you.
>>33673088But doesn't she deserve to know what I piece of shit I was? I feel like I'm living a lie.
>>33673075You shouldn't even be asking this. Sorry to put it this way but if you truly respected her you would've told her the truth long ago. Still, you just sent nudes impulsively, you didn't stick it in her, I wouldn't call that cheating. Depends on your girl's personality but I would try to tell her without making a fuzz of it. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I feel I have to hide things from the other person because trust me, it spills over into other areas.
>>33674443You're not wrong, I did her an immense disservice by not telling her sooner. I put it off out of selfishness and fear of losing her. Maybe there's hope, but not much if any.
>>33674721Do you see her IRL often? I think it would be better if you brought it up IRL. Misinterpretation is common through text/calls, and for such a sensitive topic, you may not be able to afford it. If not, at least do a FaceTime/something where she can see you.
>>33674765Yeah I see her pretty often. Probably best to bring up IRL, probably in November or December. I'm also getting into therapy shortly, so hopefully that helps. I hope I don't lose her, even if I deserve to.
>>33673075>LDR>Cheated on Snapchat years agoIt feels like listening to a kid crying he took a bit too much grape juice he shouldn't have in grade 2 lunch and he's been haunted ever since.You made a mistake, acknowledged, shut it down, moved on, never repeated, and no one got hurt. You didnt cheat on your fake girlfriend by receiving mild porn from a stranger. Fucking chill my god.
>>33673358>shouldn't I needlessly destroy her to make myself feel better about a weak human moment years ago?No.
>>33674797I sent stuff too though. Doesn't that cross a line?
>>33674779>I hope I don't lose her, even if I deserve to.Don't beat yourself up. Again, you didn't cheat. Don't go saying "hey I cheated on you." You just exchanged nudes. If anything it was more like watching porn, which while still degenerate and questionable, is still not cheating.
>>33674815I dunno. This will cross a line for her, I'm sure of it. But thanks though, I may be blowing it out of proportion slightly.
>>33674829>This will cross a line for her, I'm sure of it. Then you should either tell her or simply break up if you are sure she'd react poorly/don't want to put her through the feelings of betrayal.If you stick around and don't tell her, then no matter how you rationalize it, you're purposefully denying her the ability to make decisions about things as they actually are.
>>33674810It doesnt matter. It was years ago, a mistake, you acknowledged, shut ut down, learned moved on.There is zero benefit to telling her. And dont be a "but the principal" faggot.Theres a path where nothing comes of this, and a path where you potentially devastate her and damage her ability ever to trust again. For what!? What actual real good reason is there? Especially when what you did was so, so mild and such an incredibly isolated incident.Fuck man, I had a "caught in a moment" oopsie in my first relationship decades ago. Taught me in all future relationships to avoid certain situations. My gf at the time probably would have literally necked herself if she knew.I learned, she got to live, everyone won, leave it at that. Theres no reason to cause harm if you dont have to.
>>33674912I get what you're saying, and I want to agree if only because I'm a coward. That being said, I want to marry this woman. I feel like she deserves to know, no?
>>33674882That's a good point. Thanks anon.
>>33674965What. Would. That. Actually. Do.Focus on that. What would that accomplish?
>>33674976Giving her an accurate idea of who I am, and giving her the choice of staying with me or not.
>>33675020No one has an accurate idea of who anyone is. Its all perception based.And it isnt who you are. Its one thing you did 4 years ago in a moment of weakness that even then you knew well enough was wrong to shut it down. Youre not giving her an "accurate view of who you are." Youre giving her an "event to get mad about that otherwise has caused zero consequence".Like damn. If you had a bad day tomorrow and yell at a waiter and you never did it before and we can know you will never do it again, and told her, would "oh he's a guy that yells at waiters" be an accurate idea of who you are? Or just something you did once.Would everyone else who didnt know you think youre a "guy that yells at waiters"? Yes, in there reality, bevause thats all they knew about you, thats your entire personality. That IS who you are.But its not. Its all subjective and based on perception.There are things about you she'll never know about. There are things about you YOULL never know about. There is no such thing as an accurate idea of who anyone is.
>>33673183>I mean I love her, and I made a choice contrary to what she/myself would expect of me. She deserves far better than what I chose to do, so of course I remember it.You dumb fuck you just bury this shit down to the ground. What she deserves is her LOYALTY til the VERY END. Every religious plebs out there are unfaithful to their gods at times and even doubt it so what makes YOU any different doing to a human being with a flesh?You committed a sin. Repenting will only make it worse and keep it to your grave. IF she ever finds out on her own that would be LONG AGO buried within your past and you still chose her despite that which she'll appreciate that you didn't turn FULL 180 entirely when you had the chance.>>33673358>But doesn't she deserve to know what I piece of shit I was? I feel like I'm living a lie.You cheated on your test and exams in school. Don't act like you never did you shitass. Your grades were a lie when most of them were never done by yourself in your academic career so quit acting like a saint of truths. That analogy applies to your partner cheating issues. Fake it til you make it as they say. White lies exists.
So many disgusting cheating apologists in this thread. OP, how would you feel if you found out she sent nudes to other guys? It is cheating and you already know that, and the people here are being delusional and dishonest. You know this would be a big deal to her and you should tell her and deal with the consequences of your choices. You're a coward who has been living a lie for most of your relationship. If I found out my partner did what you did, I would have left them, but you're sitting around being a selfish coward and wasting years of her life on your ass. If you actually care about her, you will tell her and let her make the choice if she wants to stay or not. Fuck all of the cowardly disgusting liars in this thread, I hope you all get cheated on because apparently it's not big deal to you
>>33675682Shut the fuck up you dipshit. We're all humans and we make mistakes.He promised he'll never do it again is already enough to keep the relationship back to where it was and he intend to make her happy. He NEVER left her.It's just sending nudes or watching porn. Grow the fuck up you dumbass. If you wouldn't let your partner sexually stimulate themselves when you're not around you're a retard when you yourself can't even provide your partner sexual satisfaction when you're not around. It's not cheating when THAT person didn't fuck someone else and even have another family.You stupid princess needs to know life doesn't work the way you think it is. If your partner is fangirling/fanboying over their idols and even to the point of acting a slut/manwhore its because that's their decision of obsession doesn't mean its cheating entirely but yeah its a massive disrespect. Disrespecting isn't the same as cheating and remind you this person didn't do it INFRONT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND either.He has the RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.
>>33675682If it was a one time thing, which this was, and she doubled down on the relationship afterwards with honesty and integrity I think I'd prefer not to know desu.
>>33673358One day she will leave you, or cheat on you, and you will understand that girls have zero sympathy and that your minor infraction really wasn't bad especially because you felt bad about it and made it a point to not do it again.
>>33676588She wouldn't ever cheat on me. I know this for a fact.
>>33675682absolutely right anon.
as a girl i would not wanna know. i would not want that fear placed into me, i would not want to have to wonder if he would do it again. i just would not want to know. it would be different if you actually met up with her and did anything
>>33673075>Should I just buck up and deal with the guilt, or should I come clean?You think you should come clean? You did something disgusting, and you want to tell her about it and make her feel like shit for the whole of the rest of her life, in order to make yourself feel better? In what universe is that the morally correct thing to do here?You deserve to feel like shit because you are the one who did something wrong. She does not deserve to feel like shit because *you* are the one who did something wrong. No, you need to carry this to your grave. And the worse you feel, the better for everyone. You feeling like shit is what has stopped you from cheating again. The day you stop feeling like shit is the day you cheat some more. So it's essential that you continue to feel like shit forever; that's the only thing that will keep you straight. And don't you *dare* ever tell her, you selfish asshole.
>>33673075I keep looking at this and thinking LDR is Lana Del Rey. Long distance relationships are retarded don't bother unless there is a set plan to move to the same place soon.
>>33677706top kek anon
>>33673075If you feel guilt then confess. Itll suck at first but the relief of guilt will make up for it.Guaranteed if its long distance, she may have skeletons of her own so if you come clean, she may with you.Then it comes down too if youre okay with living a lie, knowing this bit of information can change everything.Best bet, tell the truth and dont do it again next time. Plenty of fish in the sea, you will fall in love again but that time you wont let your dick control you
I'd confess a priest or something, since it clearly bothers you. See what he has to say.
>>33678427As a Catholic, this might be the play.
>>33678148I sincerely hope the part where I find fish again will happen fast enough..
