>>33687539
Might be too small of a reason to break up for some people, but honestly being with someone overly negative will make you depressed too if you're a basic empathetic person. I'm not sayin to break up rn but do have a serious talk with her that you're very concerned that she might have serious depression.
I know personally how exhausting it is so imo it is a reason to break up still.

>>33687539
It can take up to two or three years.. Be very patient. Put your relationship on pause, just don't mention you are breaking up or induce more stress.

Burnouts can be very fucking dangerous. Behind the tiredness and depressed state there might be something she wants. Try and find out what it is.

That's rough man. I hate to say it but I agree with >>33687549. I'm conflict avoidant so I will do everything I can to not have a difficult conversation but if everything is as you say it is here, you need to tell her.

Either way you will come to this conversation, if you do it now and get over it, then you deal with the outcome sooner than later. If it goes poorly, then in the time you took between getting the conversation about how you feel now and some hypothetical time in the future, you could break up, realize you fucked up and get back together again stronger and ready to really tackle whatever she is going through.

You care about her, care enough to tell her to her face that what she is experiencing is not why we are here on earth. There is so much beyond the realms of the screen on her phone and whatever caused her to burnout is not being addressed but likely fed by whatever she does on that phone.

Next time you feel impacted by her emotions, that is the time to bring it up. Her actions, her words are impacting you, they hurt, you don't like them and she's being callous in not realizing you are not her punch bag.

The use of cellphones only contributes to burnout. Whatever apps she is likely using are algorithmically designed to keep her on it as long as possible. At any costs possible.

Have the conversation, tell her you care about her and this is hurting you to see the woman you love fall into this. This is not her, you know her, this is a shadow. /cringe

>>33687613
Don't let her go down though. Just don't put yourself too much at harm either.

If you manage to help her without hurting yourself too much, and she gets back up, you earned gold for life.

Take the difficult path and reap rewards or dismiss things and you will have regrets later on.

>>33687602
>It can take up to two or three years.. Be very patient.
I hope to Christ it won't last that long.
Her workplace was basically a toxic shithole full of awful people and shitty business practices. It's not the work itself that made her burned out, it was the people and atmosphere. So I think she’ll recover quicker than people who burned out from, say, years of insane workload pressure. If she really takes a few months to rest and then finds a healthier office environment, I believe she can have a fresh start.
I'm also wary of her taking too much time away from having a job because it'll only make it a bigger obstacle in her head.

>>33687549
>>33687613
I might have to talk to her yes. I just dealt with it initially but now that it's taking so long and having this much of a strain on us, I think she needs to hear how it's affecting my own mental health.

>>33687549
>being with someone overly negative will make you depressed too if you're a basic empathetic person.
And it will ultimately change who you are and how you function in the relationship.
My wife has been in a state of burned out depression for the past eight years, and though she's tried a couple times to get help, ultimately she hasn't made any significant progress. We've had minor conversations about it, but I naturally have a conflict avoidant personality, and it gets harder and harder with each passing year to justify having the Big Conversation about how her depression and negativity has affected me. This, in turn, has changed who I am - before, I was an optimistic man who tried really hard to be romantic and sweet on her, rationalizing my own negative feelings away and doing my best to be understanding and accepting of her struggles. But now? Now, I'm bitter, short tempered and cynical, and I respond to her everyday struggles with sarcasm and annoyance (because really, who can't get her own damn lunch?). And now that we have kids (before you say anything, we thought her having some kind of purpose would help, and we love our kids and don't regret having them even if she's still depressed and spends all her time in our room playing video games), my negativity is at an all time high, and I know I can't put it off any longer, but now it's progressed to the point I feel like I need professional help just to unpack it all and make any headway into getting her to change.
Problems like this don't go away on their own. They fester and grow until they become too big to manage, so don't let that happen. Intervene early, do what you can to nip it in the bud.

>>33687691
If you think she'll recover quicker that's fine, I don't know the details. Just avoid putting pressure on the wound, do things slow.

>>33687539
>My girlfriend's been on sick leave for a couple months
You must not be the US. No company does that here unless you're pregnant or on a hospital bed. Are you sure she didn't quit and not tell you?

Personally, I'd order her to go to therapy.

>>33687714
>And now that we have kids (before you say anything, we thought her having some kind of purpose would help
I don't want to be rude, but that was an awful line of thinking and a terrible decision. I myself only exist because my parents thought having another kid would fix their broken marriage. It didn't, and I had to grow up in a household with constant screaming, shouting and violence before they finally did divorce a few years later.
I emphasize with your situation though, I really hope things improve for you.

>>33687734
No, western Europe. If you're burned out here you get full paid leave for up to two years. You have to see the company doctor every couple of weeks to update them on your recovery, but that's it.

>Personally, I'd order her to go to therapy.
She's also seeing a therapist now. That seems to help a little. I just wish she took her recovery more seriously instead of just idling away on her phone day and night. That's not helping.

>>33687792
The therapist is stretching out her treatments and recovery to maximize her income. Sorry OP.

>>33687852
>The therapist is stretching out her treatments and recovery to maximize her income. Sorry OP.
That’s not really how it works here. Therapy is part of our public healthcare system, so everyone has access to it and therapists have no financial incentive to drag things out.
It’s a totally different system than the US.

>>33687908
The therapist doesn't get a check in the mail for each session? I need to leave this burgerland country.

>>33687919
No, they get the same salary each month because they're on a 40 hour contract, regardless of how many sessions they have with whoever.
I mean, there's private therapists you can go to who charge their own rate, but only the very rich go to them. But why pay for something you can get for free, especially since they really ARE financially incentivised to keep their rich paying customers coming back.

Fuck her really hard everyday, even if she says she’s not into it. Destroy that anus like bob ross destroyed a canvas. Just be our little secret.

>>33687992
I don't think that will work. Anus for pooping only.

>>33687539
>she won't listen to any of my advice
so drag her ass?
throw out the junk food and trick her into doing exercise by going to random places like the museum

>>33688095
She started out all motivated to do stuff like that at the start of her burnout leave. I'll go for forest walks in the morning, go have coffee in town, visit museums, etc. It hasn't happened once.
I tell her to just get out there, breathe some air, be in nature, but she just finds something to worry about and says she'll do that stuff once things've calmed down.
>getting her sick leave approved
>getting her burnout confirmed
>seeing company doctor
>negotiating severance
>speaking to lawyer
There's always something she's too worried about to be able to do good things that'll help her recovery. She won't understand that there's never going to be a perfect moment, she just needs to flip a switch. I was optimistic at first, but a few months into this now I feel like this will either never go away or take literal years.

>>33688185
>I tell her to...
are you a fucking howie?
less tell, more do

>>33687539
>>33687714
Depressed and burnt out people cannot control how they feel directly but they can utilize lifestyle habits (particularly a diet free of any processed foods and getting outside + getting sunshine which should eventually transition to gentle exercise) to begin the healing process. If they choose behaviors that will prolong their condition then that is unfair to both of you.

I don't believe that the human body can be depressed in ideal circumstances, and so the closer you can get it to those circumstances the better chance it has of healing.

>>33687539
I'm a guy but I wouldn't leave my girlfriend if she ends up being being unhealthy and fat due to depression.

Let me remind you that it could also be the same for you if you were in her case. This is the perfect time when she needs you the most but of course she doesn't listen but she's so traumatized with everything to take in all the yapping session you're putting up on her. If you leave her at this time, you'll feel very shit for abandoning her even if you don't feel anything right now. If she's able to turn her life around back to normal you'll also feel regrets for abandoning her.

She might repay your kindness someday if you'll end up the same or physically/mentally sick not then you'll have a learning experience on what kind of a future wife you wanna have. My best advice I can give is stick through her and leave her when she's back on track and express all your concerns about her current state and plead her to reverse it all like exercising and eating healthy then if she refuses then you can finally justify the break up.

>>33688252
>Let me remind you that it could also be the same for you if you were in her case. This is the perfect time when she needs you the most
I'm very aware of that, and I don't mean to break up with her at all. Simply asking for advice on how to deal with the situation.

She's been there for me for over 6 years, and I've been through my own ups and downs in that time and appreciate her being there for me. So I want to be there for her as well for this.

That said, I know myself as a person and her as a person. I've never had a burnout, though I've been close once, but I've had to deal with depression, anxiety, addiction before. And each time I've faced up to it, got help, went through hell to force myself to do the right thing so I could improve and recover. Not just for my sake, but for hers and for our relationship.
I'm not seeing that from her.

That's what's messing me up. I can't know exactly what she's going through, but I know how she's dealt with hardship these last 6 years and how I've dealt with it. And it feels unfair that I always put in the effort to get better while she seems content mindlessly scrolling through fucking twitter. It's eating me up.

>>33688092
It’s prison style, nothing makes you act proper like the fear of prison sex.

>>33687714
weak bitches deserve nothing good in life