I'm a month away from 19 and an only child. I was raised by a single mom (with severe anxiety) and my grandma (with even worse anxiety). I've been spoiled and sheltered my entire life. Because of this, I've had little opportunity to learn life skills, and my parents use this as further ammunition as to why I'm kept on such a short leash. To my mom's credit, she's trying really hard to let me go and gain independence. My grandma is a lot less self aware and always trying to find excuses for why I can't do things. Either way, the one thing neither of them will let me do is ride the bus alone.I'm the only one in my friend group that can't drive. I inherited anxiety from them and the idea of driving terrifies me. I'm working on it, but "working on it" doesn't really help me get places day to day. I can't always mooch rides off my friends and family. And I can't constantly have a chaperone. So yesterday I took the bus to my boyfriend's house. My parents are convinced I'm incapable of navigating the city (Portland). But I walked to the right stop, rode the whole way without issue, and walked the rest of the way to his house. He drove me back because he didn't want me on the bus after dark. That I understand. I'm a tiny girl. I already got catcalled on the way there (which really didn't bother me because that was my second time getting catcalled ever) and Portland isn't the safest.If my mom checks Life360 and looks at my history, I'm fucked. Downloading it was my idea, so it doesn't bother me. My friends have my location as well. But now I wanna take the bus again. It's pathetic but that taste of freedom made me feel great. The whole city has opened up to me now. I don't have to beg to go places. But I'm gonna have to tell them. And if my mom doesn't go ballistic, my grandma definitely will. She already was talking to my mom about how my job is a bad idea. She doesn't want me having even a taste of freedom. What do I do?
failed to mention that the reason I took the bus was because I'm housesitting and both of my parents were unavailable (mom was babysitting my baby cousin a few hours away, grandma was still at work) and my bf's mom had his car out.
>>33693802I just want to tell you that you can most likely drive a car just fine, just have to get some practice and a license. The US public transport is not that dangerous, but I can see how you don't want to become a headline.Also if your mom and grandma start bitching about it tell them you're working to save up for a car so you don't have to use the bus. If they keep bitching ask them how do they imagine you functioning in the society when they're gone if you have no license, no car and no income, usually reminding old women that they will die shuts them up.
>>33693802I really don't know, having anxiety doesn't mean you can control a person based on your fears.You might think they're doing it because they love you (that's also what they will think) but in reality they've robbed you of life experiences.They just sound very controlling, if you can't do something without the fear of them "going ballistic" are they really doing it for you or are they doing it for themselves. 19 years old and being treated like a 12 year old, ask them what they were doing when they were kids or young adults and you'll see that the rules only apply to you and not them.I don't mean to be rude but they just sound controlling as fuck disguised as "anxiety" for you, it might be true that they have anxiety but a parent that truly loves you will learn to let go and learn that they can't just control you, my parents have anxiety yet they let me do whatever I wanted, 12-15 strict, 16-17 less strict, 18 do whatever within reason, 20 I'm an adult but will ask questions and talk to me like a adult, 25+ what I do after 25 is no longer their concern my brain is fully formed, now I'm on the road to death I get to do whatever I want. Of course I still talk to my mother and share my life experiences and she can express concern or whatever but I'm in control of my own destiny now. Worrying about being allowed on public transport at the age of 18 is very very weird.
>>33693802>PortlandOh shit. Be careful to not get raped and murdered. The DA would probably let your attacker off with a slap on the rest
>>33693802Yeah im so sorry you live in Portland OP, you should make it your life goal to move away. Please invest in some pepper spray. Good luck.
>>33693802Good for you.You probably figured out a long time ago that your mother and grandmother's views of reality are not wholly accurate. But that was an intellectual concept - now you have seen for yourself that the world is not entirely as they think it is. Internalize that discovery - make it part of your own looking at reality. Discover other things they've taught you that are simply not true. And go ride a bus again tomorrow, just for the fun of it.
>>33695421Neither of them are old women. My mom bought a car to use until we have the money to get her SUV fixed, and she told me the car is mine once I learn how to drive. So that's not the problem. I told her and she was kinda cool with it. There's no way I'm telling my grandma, though.
>>33695463It's more so my grandmother. It is controlling, but it stems from anxiety and love. Nothing deliberately malicious. My mom is working really hard. She was unhappy with me getting on the bus but proud of me for making the choice on my own and getting there. She's a cool lady.
>>33695587>>33695595They wouldn't. Portland isn't horrendous. It has a lot of crime and homelessness but it's really overblown in the media. It is dangerous. But I'm okay. In fact, my experience on the bus was fine until a homeless guy talking to himself got on, but a tiny lady in her twenties moved to sit next to me (unsure if she was trying to protect me or wanted me to protect her) but he left everyone alone and I got off okay. I'm obviously not gonna skip down the street past dark and my bf drove me home once he got the car bc he didn't want me on the bus at night. Just like I wouldn't want him on the bus at night.
>>33695798I think they're aware it's not reality. At least my mom is.
