My boyfriend and I were together for two years - when we started dating I was 18 and he was 23. He was my first kiss and he took my virginity. Not that it really matters, I guess the only significance is that this was my first relationship. He really really cared about me. He told me he thought he would never meet someone who he could marry and have kids with, and that he changed his mind when he met me. And I ruined everything. ;_; He sent me an email yesterday telling me to accept that he will never say "I love you" to me again… I don't know what to do. This is awful. I miss him so much, he was my only friend. I made a lot of the time we spent together suck really bad because I’m always sad or anxious about something but I still loved being around him. He is so smart and so warm, he makes friends everywhere he goes. I miss him so much. Do you think if I work on my issues he will give me one last chance? Please let me know if you need more info, any reassurance would bring me so much comfort. I don't want to be with anyone else. Sorry for the annoying post.
Please please somebody help me, I need this ;_;
nah, he's hopped on the next teenage girl he probably had lined up. he was probably waiting for her 18th birthday
>>33707772average foid after having to be single for a week
>>33707802He’s at home talking to his friend on discord, anony. He told me he still cares about me, just not in the same way. It was also his first real relationship. None of his other relationships lasted more than three months and most of his girlfriends cheated on him. Thank you for your reply, though. ;_;>>33707805I know, I know :( I don't have any friends to talk to about this, just my mom. He was my friend.
>>33707772Why would you want a guy like that when there's guys who are like him but better and won't leave? If you really want him back, then do the work. Put the effort in to actually change, prove it to him. Beg if you have to. Take a screenshot of this and send it to him. Then maybe he'll get it. If not don't waste your time on some bitchboy that tells over email he'll never say I love you again. Don't get me wrong, I've had moments where I've said shit like that to my ex but then the next day I always realized how corny and lame I sounded and would go get her back. Don't waste time on a man that wants to be chased and doesn't come back for you. He's a fuckboy that's just gonna watse your life away then one day you'll wake up old asf and can't get nobody now.
>>33707772>Please let me know if you need more info, any reassurance would bring me so much comfort.>I don't know what to do.Do what ought to be done, and roll the dice.
>>33707877Definitely do NOT take a screenshot of this and send it to him, OP.
>>33707877I guess I’m afraid that I won’t be quick enough and he'll meet someone else before I can prove that I’m doing better. Right now he’s totally sure he never wants to try again, but I know we would be happy together… Thank you so much. <3 It’s definitely okay if you don’t want to answer this but why did you break up with your gf?
>>33707894As in… Re-roll my dice? ;_;>>33707912I’m silly, for a moment I did consider trying that. I suppose it’s probably not a great idea. He wouldn't be happy to find out that I come to this website.
>>33707772Thats why if you care for virginity and such to only take a male virgin too.
>>33707957I mostly care because I know there are other people who care and don’t want to be with someone who’s had a lot of partners, I don’t really think about it in regards to boyfriends. Does that make sense? I don’t care about a potential partner’s body count. Brain tired. But I get what you mean, it would’ve been romantic for my first time to be with another virgin.
What did you do
>>33707772BOO HOO NIGGA, get over yourself, give it a week you'll find some other dick to bounce on, maybe pick up a hobby instead of attention seeking while ur at it
>>33707993While i agree, one night stands and such are disgusting its a power imbalance if you as a virgin take a non virgin guy. He knows there is a world outside of you, he tasted it. For you hes the one and only. Its not romantic or anything its about equal power.
>>33707772We need more details on what exactly you did that made him end things. You're being pretty vague.
Do you have another dog for me to kill?
>>33707998>>33708063It was my behaviour and the things I said to him. The other day when he was angry he told me I’m too fragile - not cut out to be a wife or mother. I talked about my insecurities and worries too often and I guess that made him lose respect for me. Sometimes I even told him he would be better off without me, that always made him super upset. Was I abusive?>>33708009It’s all true nonny. ;_; I should work on my hobbies, though. All I wanted to do was spend time with him. >>33708020I see what you mean. Could that be better, though? He didn’t feel like he had to stay with me because he knows there are other options… It may be better for him.
>>33708063I should provide more detail - I really wanted to get married and start a family and I think he felt pressured. When I didn’t accept his feedback (try to get out more, try to be more confident, don’t speak so negatively etc.) he probably realized he was wrong about me, and wrong to think that I would make a good wife. But I kept asking for it and talking about it… I was afraid it might never happen. I’m still not sure if he ever would have married me, but he said in his email that he was seriously considering it.
>>33708079>It may be better for him.You shouldnt care whats better for him as he left you behind. You need to focus on healing yourself.
>>33708078What kind do you need this time? Kidding. What do you mean, anon?>>33708100It’s true. I just can’t stop thinking about him. His birthday is this October and I wanted to take him camping; when we went in the spring last year it was heavenly, we were the only ones there. It sucks so bad. I miss him.
>>33707772>Do you think if I work on my issues he will give me one last chance?Definitely not, no. No chance whatever. You need to learn from the experience, figure out what you did wrong, find someone else, and try not to make the same mistakes with them. One thing I can tell you right away that you did wrong was when you say>he was my only friend. No relationship can survive that kind of pressure. You will never make a relationship work until you have other friends.
>>33708234My mom has been telling me this the entire time. I always liked the thought of my boyfriend being my best friend, but I get it now. He also wanted me to make new friends and do things on my own, but for some reason I still wanted more time with him… Sometimes life just feels too busy for me, I don’t know how people make time to see their friends.
>>33708234Do you really think there is no chance whatsoever?
>>33708257There is a chance but it ends badly.You're emotionally stunted which makes futures nonexistent by default. He wanted to grow alongside you rather or even groom you to be what he imagined you could be instead of how you are. Focus on what you enjoy and growth will happen with time. If he comes back while after you've matured then wonderful. If not, then it's on to the next.
>>33708257Oh and the source is I put my first through your exact situation for the same reasons
There were some things he did that I didn’t appreciate. One time we went to a beautiful nature reserve and we were sitting on a bench together and pulled out his phone and started watching SNL skits with the volume turned up super high… Definitely not as bad as what I did but I didn’t enjoy that moment.
>>33708279That makes a lot of sense. He told me I remind him of his younger self, and he had an older friend who was able to help him grow. I know he thought he could do the same for me but I simply refuse to be better. Thank you, I hope with time I can actually get my life together. Maybe he will see and change his mind. :(
>>33708287Would you mind sharing what came of it?
>>33708310It's bad to think of it as a refusal but rather a inability. You didn't choose this. You're young and given a few years it'll come naturally. The only bad news I got is you'll be a different person who may not love them the same way you used to. Don't pigeon hole yourself into "what was" but instead what is. So don't try to win him back. Just make him proud.
>>33708312Sure, she becomes more confident, started standing up for herself, faced her sexual assaulters, and told me that she didn't love me the same after years of run around. She became one of the best people I know even if she still can't hang up calls first out of fear of being rude.
>>33708257>Do you really think there is no chance whatsoever?None. The sooner you accept that reality, the better for everyone. Once someone falls out of love, they never fall back into it again. >>33708252>My mom has been telling me this the entire time. I always liked the thought of my boyfriend being my best friend, but I get it now. He also wanted me to make new friends and do things on my own, but for some reason I still wanted more time with him…"My boyfriend is my best friend" can be a positive. "My boyfriend is my *only* friend" is a massive negative. A relationship simply cannot stand that much pressure: no one can be absolutely everything and everyone to you, and it's unfair of you to expect them to be. You can't be around just one person 100% of the time either - which means it was not only bad for him but bad for you too. You need input from different people about different things in different situations to keep your brain properly stimulated. Only ever spending time with one person is a little like only reading one book over and over. You need variety - other things to read. You don't need more than one boyfriend, but you sure as heck need more than one *person* in your life.
I’m back!>>33708287I have one more question, I’m sorry >I put my first through your exact situation Does this mean you broke up with her? Sorry, I just realized I don’t completely understand what you mean here ^^
>>33708335I had sort of been planning my entire life around him, I don’t know what to do now. We were going to try and move somewhere quiet together, he wanted to build a house for us. What am I going to do with my life? It was going to be beautiful ;_; the thought brings a tear to my eye
>>33708344This is what he wanted for me. I am so stupid. I didn’t think I deserved him, I thought he was going to get bored of me and leave, but instead he left because of my fear itself. It sucks bad. I wish I could go back in time - he said if I had gone about it differently we probably wouldn’t have broken up. I just said okay and let him drive me to my mom’s house instead of trying to fight. My chest hurts. Thank you for talking to me, this is really comforting. I’m sorry that I’m dumping all of this on you. You’re really great at this. :,) I guess by that I mean giving advice?
>>33708353Maybe that’s why I felt lonely. By the end most of our nights were spent with him playing video games by himself and me doing chores or sitting around in the dark… I still wanted more time with him. He said he felt like he needed to play games to get away from me. And he worked all the time. :( I didn’t want to see anyone else because I wanted to spend all of my free time with him and I felt terrible when I wasn’t able to. Ugh. I just love being around him, he knows me so well. He was so adorable. I can’t believe I’ll never get to sleep in the same bed with him again.
be fr u cheated
>>33708079>Sometimes I even told him he would be better off without me, that always made him super upset.not a surprise he left
>>33712546i didn't but you did.
i am sorry if there was a time when i wasn't there for you or not at my full self potential to be able to be what you needed me to. i hope i am better and will only get better. clear communication on what you want for me to improve on.
i give up on trying.
>>33709489>I can’t believe I’ll never get to sleep in the same bed with him again.Well, you won't. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start moving on.
>>33712649never say never
>>33709305Took her 6 years to admit that she loved me and I left her a week later. I realized shortly after she said It that I'd have to work for years to get the smallest results out of her. There was no healthy future with her so I broke up with her while staying in contact.Took her 2 years to get over me and after that she told me she no longer loved me . So if anything, me leaving was for the better even if it was shitty.
>>33709460Thank you, Its the least I can do after hurting someone in the same way.If you ever want help working through it or wanna talk to the girl herself then hit me up on disc at maninblack1932.
>>33712958Nigga you ain’t getting shit
>>33712779>never say neverThis is genuinely the dumbest thing I've read on 4chan all day. There are times when it makes sense to be optimistic; there are also times when optimism is just delusion; and this is in the second category. OP will do herself no favours at all if she clings to the idea that a man who has fallen out of love with her might come back. What she needs to do is start adjusting to her new reality; and she can't do that so long as she's in denial about the nature of her new reality. The sooner she starts living in the real world, the better.
>>33713314She’s never gonna get over it though, this was her first real relationship which took her first kiss and viriginity. She’s going to be crying herself to sleep for a year minimum before she stops thinking about him. Ofc she could try to “get over it” but let’s be real another man is never gonna reach the same level her first bf did so she’s forever stuck.
>>33707772Really sounds like you need to turn into him. Be that warm person who makes friends everywhere you go. That way you won't be so anxious, so nitpicky. You'll get out of your own head and stop worrying about your partner so much, and start realizing that you're never alone. A partner is an amazing thing, and as someone who's been partner less for a bit over a year now, I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really miss physical touch, companionship, love, good feelings in my heart. Someone who cares about me. Someone who prioritizes me. But want to know something? I've managed to find a lot of friends, and some of them are girl friends, once I started going out and doing things outside. Now, I'm alive. I still really want a partner. I still don't know where a partner will come from, or even worse WHEN, but I'm feeling somewhat satisfied, still, with the things I'm doing and people I'm meeting. I'm definitely healing. I'm becoming better. The more people I'm around the more secure I feel, like I have people. I have something to do. I have family, I have environment. I do acting now, and those people are really getting deep into my heart. I also do singing, those people also feel great, but not as intense as acting people I think. Then dancing - I really feel great when I dance with all those girls. I don't really talk to any of them outside the class, except for one, but god damn does it feel good to dance with so many nice women. (I do salsa and bachata).I have to say op, whether you're a girl or a guy roleplaying as a girl, follow my advice. It will make your life better in general, and help you to get over him. You must know that you always, always have options, and you are never alone. So go out and integrate into communities!! Easiest way is through hobbies! Good luck! <3
>>33712546No no, anony. Never. He had my phone and computer passwords. I didn't ever really do anything or go anywhere on my own, I only spent time with him and with my family.
>>33712558I know, but I felt like it was the truth. I was actually surprised that it bothered him so much to hear me say that. Most of the time I felt like the worst girlfriend ever for being awkward, boring and ugly, and I couldn't believe he still wanted to be with me. I just feel like that's who I am.
>>33713330>She’s going to be crying herself to sleep for a year minimum before she stops thinking about him.Perhaps. But if so, the sooner she starts that process, the better. So long as she's in denial about the fact that he's gone, she can't even begin. (It actually won't take that long, though; more like six months. 25% of the time you spent together is a good rule of thumb for how long it takes to move on.)>Ofc she could try to “get over it” but let’s be real another man is never gonna reach the same level her first bf did so she’s forever stuck.Oh, grow up. Life isn't an incel meme.
>>33713809>Oh, grow up. Life isn’t an incel meme.In what way is what I said an “Incel meme” dude. This was her first real connection and probably the standard shes gonna want but never get because she sounds like a shut-in and he isn’t a coomer brained retard who wanted children and an actual wife. Do you realize how hard that’s going to be for her to find again? She’ll have to build that man or get lucky and find another one.
>>33712627Exactly how I feel ;_; How are you doing? Are you experiencing something similar? I am op, by the way >>33712629<3 >>33712649Somehow I don't believe it's true. My mom seems to think he will reach out someday, but she might just be trying to comfort me. He's gotten angry at me before but we were always okay after. About a month ago he said "I think we're going to grow old together." Even the week of the breakup he was talking about showing photos to our children. Is it a mistake for me to be hopeful? Knowing what I told you here, do you think there's a chance he will reach out? >>33712924During those 6 years, did you love her? Thank you for explaining :)>>33712958Thank you for offering, I might take you up on that. I don't want to take up too much of your time. I honestly don't understand how so many people seem to know so well how to go about a relationship; I felt clueless when we were together and I feel clueless now.
>>33713365This is beautiful, I really appreciate that you took the time to write such a thoughtful reply. For years I've been working at the same job, making no changes to my life whatsoever... Sometimes I feel like I'm happy this way but then I realize almost everyone else is doing so much more than me. I don't even have hobbies anymore. For most of my life I have avoided spending time with other people, and at this point I have no idea what I would talk about or do with a friend. It just takes me so long to feel less shy, and then when I finally get comfortable I feel boring. I feel like no one has any reason to want to be friends with me. One thing people have suggested is to join an improv class - apparently this can help you develop a better sense of humour? I want to try it but I'm afraid I will go there and embarrass myself and never want to do it again. Typing this out I realize that's a really terrible attitude to have. Maaaaybe I will sign up... I'm very happy to hear you're doing better. <3 How did you decide which things you wanted to try? I definitely have interests of my own but they're all things you would usually do alone. I've been thinking of volunteering somewhere, like at a petting zoo, because that seems like it would be really fun. Of course I'm afraid to sign up because I will have to meet new people. I also can't decide if I want to go to college or not, but I know my life would change a lot if I did.
>>33713948>Do you realize how hard that’s going to be for her to find again?Effortless.>>33714524>Is it a mistake for me to be hopeful? Yes. >Knowing what I told you here, do you think there's a chance he will reach out?He may possibly reach out "as a friend". He will never be in love with you again.
