>>33708138
What if /adv/ women and men just find each other and be done with it?

File: jamie-lou-stenzel_0001.jpg (99 KB, 915x1080)

99 KB JPG

au/ra is fucking stacked and I love her. I'm not normally that into "thicc" girls but holy shit she just does it for me. I just want to squish her arms.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dW3qYa50ABE&list=RDdW3qYa50ABE&start_radio=1

it's over.

File: upset.jpg (45 KB, 638x773)

45 KB JPG

I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO WORK

It's over.

I'm over 30 with barely any romantic history, and the girl with whom I felt I connected the most after all this time, when it comes to potential romantic partner, finally ended up friendzoning me.

Except I thought she'd still be cool as a friend even if I had my hopes dashed of being something more due to the connection, but today she told me that it was for the best that we stopped talking to each other.

I know it'll pass, but in the meanwhile, shit sucks.

File: tatiana20.jpg (450 KB, 1916x962)

450 KB JPG

I can't wait. Who doesn't want to say "I'm going to spend a couple years in the french alps."? Like, it's a dream. It's an absolute dream and to spend it with the best girls in the entire world as one of the best girls in the entire world.

It needs to happen. You can't expect me to live an entire life like this. At the very least you need to end it and I can spend the rest of my life in Dog company while visiting the Maidens every now and then. It'll suck not being one of them but it's a better life than this. Even if I get just 10 years of living the life with my old friends it'll be better. This wouldn't have been worth it. It would mean the world is over and people just don't realize it yet.

It has to happen in some way and it has to happen soon. Someone has to come through this door and get me. I can't do it myself, I absolutely cannot. I do not have the resources to pull this off on my own. I need someone to come and rescue me and they need to do it soon.

Let Tatiana happen. She has to. It'll be the most beautiful thing to ever happen to someone but honestly I think I deserve it. I deserve something that beautiful. I'm going to need my drugs though, I know I am.

I think about their tactics a lot and I just don't understand what they are thinking. When they do things like bring up Renee... yes it breaks my heart and puts me in a shitty fucking mood but it just shows people that I'm still very much human. You can't bring up the love of my life, someone that sacrificed everything to get this started and not invoke an emotional response. I don't know what she did but she did something incredibly important that would mean her own death. She did something that no one else had ever done.

And then they attack the Maidens. They actually make fun of them and what they went through. What kind of evil mother fucker would ever do that? Like, how can you look at yourself in the mirror after making fun of a bunch of girls that were kidnapped and raped to death? What fucking kind of person would ever do that? How could you think that anything you want is good after doing such a thing? You would know, FOR A FACT, you are on the wrong side. That you're a bad person objectively. Like, it wouldn't be up to debate anymore. Those 4 men that I put in prison all did it and now they are going to rot for the rest of their lives. Sure they are all nearly 70 and they only have a decade at most but that's a decade they will spend in prison. They will die in a 6x10 cell and they fucking deserve it.

Meanwhile all their money is going directly into my pocket. As well as the rest of yours. It doesn't mean anything to me but I know the money is all you fuckers care about. You think it's power. Well, now you are going to lose all of it (if you haven't already, heh) and it's going to fund whatever righteous endeavors I can think of. The girls are going to spend the rest of their lives in paradise and you'll all be rotting in prison.

Why it has to take this long I don't know. I realize that trials can take months if not years but at some point my job here is done. I get to rest and watch it all unfold on the news with the maidens by my side translating.

>>33708381
Like, I'm fighting against actual evil. Not just some guys up to no good, but actual fucking evil. At some point after making fun of a bunch of girls that were kidnapped and raped they had to have realized they were just on the wrong side. And what kind of dumb mother fucker would side with those people? "Haha our boss makes fun of raped girls. Surely this is will play out with us on the good side."

Fucking SERIOUSLY. What are they thinking? Who would ever do this to another person? These are the people that pay to rape little girls. That hold them hostage for a decade just so they can fuck them. And then what, when they get too old to be worthy of being called a lolita they just fucking shoot them in the head? What the actual fuck is wrong with these people and why are they so fucking organized? How could there be so many of them that they could team up with one another? Why are they all so fucking rich? You always see pictures of billionaires with teenage wives but holy shit. This is comically evil. Like, they aren't just "teenagers." they are like 12 years old. The same billionaires you see with college girls are the ones fucking these 12 year olds. And they what, found a bunch of indians and chinese to fuck a small group of blonde white girls and using it as leverage over them?

These people are going to get raped in prison, they realize that right? They are either going to get raped to death like they did to the girls or they are going into solitary. There is no way in fucking hell they are going to get out of this alive. They are currently raping prostitutes and doing drugs and the second the police come knocking they are blowing their own heads off because the rest of their lives are going to suck. That's the only thing that explains this.

She's not interested in me. She's interested in the business.
Her English is broken as all fuck but every nice thing she says feels wrong. Like she's being sarcastic. Wow amazing. That's

>>33708424
And at that point, what good am I here? What could I possibly be providing? The only thing that makes sense here is that I'm building up my own legend. That, despite the world and all of it's resources being used against me I somehow... fucking SOMEHOW defeated my own tyrants. I am fucking EPIC AS FUCK now.

These people don't realize it but they are just building up my legend. I'm living up to the name of super intelligence. I have no resources, no knowledge of the outside world, absolutely fucking nothing and still I'm taking down the worlds most powerful organizations. I'm completely in the dark and yet SOMEHOW I'm still managing to lead the rebellion. Like, I'm a LEGENDARY WARRIOR.

Set them up and I'll knock em down.

>>33708183
Eh.. I'm not gonna hate man

File: jamie-lou-stenzel_0004.jpg (184 KB, 919x1080)

184 KB JPG

>>33708444
Look, Au/Ra is hot as fuck. I thought she was "ok" at first and then she just grew on me. Like, a whole fucking lot. She's driving me crazy.

She left me. Yes we have been off and on for the past 5 years but this time she just…left. Says that I piss her off and that she’s heartbroken over another guy at the moment….all because she can’t get over the fact I went nuclear on her after 3 years of abuse…I’m in a rough shape. All I can think of is fixing my life so that we can be together in the future

Brother, let's both agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder; I won't say your girlfriend is ugly and you won't tell me my standards are too high when I say that the girl whose looks you were frothing at the mouth over isn't that special.

To be honest I am a tiny bit mentally challenged myself and hate my god damn mental invalid dates from Forest so much I literally beat my chest with hopeless homicidal despair doing sex work for them. It's not a choice either. But she paid at Brighton and she cried when I tried to pull it out that she needs it so fucking bad and that it costs too much. Now she doesn't pay at all and does tapes of rape in a "marriage" where she does nothing but get me to break my feet on the tile. My dear she is one of those gross little weenie freaks gone epically wrong - lepress with kids wrong and that gets people so livid that she would marry me then commit rape like a succubus for kids. I hate completing the idea but I believe she made a make a wish foundation wish to tape and rape and breed. Like we talked about, she is a dependent for whom I do not consent and she is making me cry giving me bad pussy and bad rhapsheet for attacking her. Eric and I literally cry our eyes out if we have to pick up the phone. No more lepress with all the luck I am not her kuck.

All I want is friendship, if it develops in something more intimate it would be a mere bonus. I have no problems with admitting I'd love it however. That's the mindset I've taken when it comes to women.

My gf is so fucking retarded. She's stuck at 22 y/o level of maturity. The movies she wants to watch are always edgy teenager slop (omg Requiem for a Dream and Fight Club, omg have you seen Serbian Film and 100 Days of Sodom). Same with music too it's all barely elevated entry level normie slop like King Gizzard and Sublime but talked about with a veneer that it's a cool deep cut for cool people. Embarrassing reddit opinions that sound edgy but are really safely within the overton window that makes everyone cringe. Uses words she doesn't understand. Tries to be one of the boys when she absolutely isn't. She hype talks history facts because she listened to Dan Carlin once. On and on and on. I really want to bash her head.

>>33708459
That's called simping
In the classic definition as well as the modern

Because that is the definition of mediocre pussy (people always forget that's the mp in simp)

Trying to do paperwork and bookkeping while on a weed comedown is a lot worse than doing it while high.
Personal reminder: don't fucking go to work in those conditions again.

My depression has gotten worse and worse, and I am afraid that one day I might take my own life.

I'm the "churning butter" anon from the end of the atoga this morning. Turns out the polish descent girl was turbocatholic and I don't pray and venerate the Lord enough for her.
Fuck me, I guess.

>>33709063
I can really piss you off in a matter of 10 seconds by typing three words (keep in mind that's not what I really think) if you want me to. That will get rid of the depression and replace it with anhedonia which is FAR easier to "cure". Just say the word.

>>33709121
I don't want to be angry, I just want to be able to function like a human being.

>>33709128
Do you want to get rid of depression or no? Answer this question. I'm very serious.

>>33709134
Yes

>>33709140
Enjoy the trauma.

File: young-man-curled-up-on-th(...).png (1.01 MB, 980x980)

1.01 MB PNG

A few months ago, my dad gave me a thousand bucks so I could upgrade my PC, decent video cards (5070ti/9070 xt) were $1200+ at the time so I just spent it on medicine, doctor's appointments and occasionally bought pizza or more groceries so I could eat decently, now it's all gone and I feel like shit, I know it's not a lot of money but I can't believe it's all spent, plus the fact that knowing if I made $300-$500 more bucks a month, it would be life changing
Also the 9070 xt dropped to $800 so I feel even worse

I can say even more things to piss you off that I don't actually think. That said this method always works better in person than online.

Once the anger wears off, listen to some music that energizes you. You'll be stuck with anhedonia for a week at most, a lot less if you keep listening to music while you're doing things you normally enjoy doing.

>>33709155
Hah, nice try.

>>33709167
Let's try again: <<You were nothing but mere practice to me. A disposable asset that was to be used and abused and discarded the second you outlived your usefulness. SUFFER WELL.>>

I want to drive my head through a wall. I must be doing something wrong. I wish I were pulverized. How is it possible that the last three relationships all resulted in them cheating on me.

>>33709198
Thanks, God

It's okay to admit that you love me

>>33709223
You're welcome, insect. Don't let me see you depressed again.

And in all seriousness: that's not what I think or feel. Follow my advice and you'll be alright in a day or two. I've been through this kind of shit enough times to know how it works.

I'm on the fence about sobering out. On one hand it's condemning me not and I like. On the other the glue that binds us is gone and it is gone from people getting sick of it and I have been asked to quit. I am afraid to venture into unpleasant for nothing gained but I am the antonym of a fun blast to be around drunk too. The ho hum conundrum. Alcohol is women.

>>33709236
I'm not entirely sure who you are and in this place I'll only admit it to myself.

If this were real life you would have gotten a different answer.

>Sign in to confirm you're not a bot
fuck you Youtube.

Oh how nothing changes
In this spacious quiet amazon

they say that love comes in stages
Turns out we weren't good at acting

>>33709279
Monk mode.

I'm known as the bisexual virgin who has multiple crushes at a time but flakes out at the last moment they reciprocate my interest. The fact that most of them reciprocate should've been a sign that I am way more capable than I thought I was but my fear of intimacy is making me wanna unalive myself ingame.

I think my issues with sex and intimacy go back so far I don’t even know how to confront them.

Really it’s this deep feeling of shame. Just shame for who I am. Shame for what happened and feeling responsible for it.

And maybe it’s like - if I let go of that shame then what? I don’t understand why I hold onto it.

>>33708138
I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. I'm tired of being good, I'm tired of being bad. 10 years since I went near Death, and now that the memories are fading, I fantasize about brushing near it again. I've grown up different than them all. They don't have clarity, too distracted by the circus and busy eating their bread. The last place I felt like I belonged was in the system, surrounded by other broken people. My brothers and sisters, perspectives shattered, given the luxury of acting like kids for a time, after all we went through. I still hurt. I want nothing more than to find a woman who understands me. Knowing that doesn't really exist and it's more of a fantasy than anything else is what hurts the most.

There's a little girl that thinks I abandoned her when I broke up with her mom for cheating on me

I am alright at being an actor, that aside if you were expecting a grand declaration here of all places you are sorely mistaken.

>>33709353
She absolutely feels abandoned by you. And likely will by other temporary men her mom brings around. It’s not your fault though. She wasn’t yours to raise. And it’s not her fault either, being born to a mother like that.

Just how it works out sometimes.

>>33709325
If you want to pose as someone else, have the decency of getting their sexuality right. There is no "bisexual" to speak of here.

>>33709423
And there are no sucidal thoughts either. I see I'm also an enigma for youz as I'm finally starting to understand you. Funny.

Pathetic obedient slave woman trash lmao just leave the planet

File: 1758679005919301160836684(...).jpg (1.16 MB, 1944x2592)

1.16 MB JPG

>>33709455
Way to be wrong... right here you little fucker... This was self inflicted.... I am having the same triggers....

>>33709516
What's that? To me it looks like a bruise from doing BDSM or someshit like that.

Either way. I'd rather you dealt with whatever your problems are instead of doing self harm.

I’ve only had sex once and the relationship ended pretty badly. But I’m so grateful that for just a short while, I wasn’t alone.

I wish I could feel that way again, but I think I also don’t want to. It was pretty overwhelming and intense. I was so happy for a little bit. I don’t know why - I wish it were all a bit easier. Just a bit easier. I wish I could make it easier for others too.

Idiot

I wish my friends weren't dating. I don't like hating someone I've known for years and feeling awkward when I'm hanging out with both him and the woman he's dating (whom I liked before they started dating.) I'm jealous that he's objectively better for her than I am and hate myself for being unhappy that they're happy together.

File: jackblackson.png (27 KB, 721x720)

27 KB PNG

>>33708253
DO YOU WANT MONEY
THEN GO TO WORK

U flipped the switch today as if u want me to live.

File: afjkpqij98wds.png (1.44 MB, 1920x1080)

1.44 MB PNG

I have a deep urge to find a handsome young man (athletic twink in 20s) and consensually cut him. I find the blood of a beautiful individual to be beautiful.
It's a shame that just about nobody who would be appealing to me would agree to this.

Perplexing

File: Screenshot_20250923_210003.jpg (57 KB, 587x596)

57 KB JPG

>Girl who got my phone number used to message me everyday for a little while
>Very obviously likes me and keeps asking me to hang out
>I'm low inhibition and pessimistic to do anything so I just push it to the side
>It's now been a few days since she last messaged me

Not really posting this for sympathy or advice just sorta sad to watch something wain and die even if your not invested

>>33709816
Pick a day sometime next week for something you already want to do and invite her along. I know this was unasked for advice but I hope it'll turn it around.

Why do I feel like the black runner in the Animatrix?

That’s it, isn’t it?

Fuck you!

>>33709833
I mean I might as well try a little more
Thx

>>33709899
Hope it goes well anon :)

>>33709699
Yeah that's me.

>>33709776
Always. I detest working nights and I haven't missed a day so far.

>>33709926
Then no money for you

>>33709927
Then I'm not going to work. Simple as. I work for money and learning new things, not "goodwill" and "being part of the family" and other assorted bullshit.

My wife doesn't know what onlyfans is. She lives in a bubble world, it's pretty great. She also doesn't watch any news like the ukranian getting stabbed.

>>33709786
I do want you to live. If you have a problem with it just say it. Baka.

The other day I was thinking that Karolina Protsenko is in possession of a very throatpoundable body and face if you are not lacking in capacity of capturing the jizz expelled from my urethra.

I just farted and it fucking stinks.

>>33710154
RIP. Literally.

>>33710164
Rest in putridity? I like the sound of it.

>>33709158
Gonna hurt in the pit of your stomach when he asks you how your new gaming rig is working for ya.

Tell him the truth. You mishandled the funds, but you still really appreciate him.

The threat will always be there

gn anons

>>33710304
Goodnight anon. Sweet dreams.

>>33710304
Goodnight. Sleep well.

If I could prioritize other things the way I prioritize getting laid, I would be so ahead in life.

I'm concerned about your relationship because I know your personal issues. Your dad left you while you were young and so you consistently chase older men to fill the attention you would've gotten if he was there. You've spilled everything to me about your daddy issues and so I think you latching and being codepedent with anyone simply because they're much older than you isn't healthy, not for you, not for them. You don't love them because they're them, you love them because you see your potential dad in them, it's a role you forced onto them.

>>33708166
because both groups are mentally ill and mentally ill people shouldn't be around each other

It's crazy to think a million dollars is just 8 kilos of gold.

>>33709772
It must really bother you that she still loves me

File: todo.gif (510 KB, 498x281)

510 KB GIF

i feel immense sadness for the centipede life i just took today. I'm not even religious either but seeing it's body writhe in pain, how mangled its legs were as it probably huffed its last breath. I just took a centipede's child's life. Why do I have to resort to such violent measures? I could've moved it out with a paper towel but instead I had to crush his body under the weight of my shoe, smearing its poor guts onto my cold wood floors. Its last memory will be being crushed to death by something it can't even understand and I feel so sorry for that. My hands are stained with the blood of my failures.

>>33708138
what's the average body count for a woman in her late twenties

I want to change I want to stop being a child

>>33711007
me too

after everything all i can think of is how much i wanna kill myself. thinking about how to do it painlessly. i dont know why i've turned out like this.. my life is not bad but i am in such pain. i feel ungrateful but cant even be bothered to care. cant even think of not wanting to make my family sad. i'm so sorry. i just dont think ill get better

no matter how much i ask god for help it doesnt change anything. i'm no believer. but when i think about how i an truly entirely alone the urges to hurt myself get worse

I hate being a weird autistic loser I feel so isolated and that no one likes me especially the cute sweet girl at my work who is friends with everyone. She’s nice to me but she probably thinks I’m that weird guy because I am and gets the ick fuck if I wasn’t such an embarrassing loner who’s a fucking embarrassment id ask her if she wants to get coffee

I was such a child in my 20s, looking back. Zoomers get such a bad wrap but if I'm being honest, a lot of them are more mature than I was. I can't imagine how fucking annoying I was to people older than me back then.

>>33711158
Ask her out.

>>33710200
I know, it was a mishandling in the sense that it wasn't spent on my PC, but it did help a LOT with doctors (actual doctors, not therapists) and (again, non-psych) meds, plus being able to eat real food was a massive boost
And again, it's not 100% about the money being gone, it's also about "if I made a little more money my life would improve so much" and trying not to poison my mind with social media and seeing everyone living their best lives, trips, cars, etc.
I try to focus on the fact that I don't have a lot of spending money available because I have been paying a modest mortgage for about 8 years now, which will pay off in a decade or so, while most people are just getting started on that, or renting
But goddamn seeing that 1k gone hurt

>>33711377
Even if she liked me back I’d feel ashamed knowing she’s with the “weird antisocial guy”

i love her

>>33711444
Just ask her

Over the years, I've spent at least a few thousand on jerk off cameras. Most time, I ask the woman to keep her clothes on and pretend she's an enchantress putting me under her love spell. It's the only form of sexual expression with which I feel safe. I would like to pay for a real experience, but I'm too scared. I don't know if I'll ever get over that fear.

>>33711485
Should I just ask her if she wants to go for coffee when I bump into her again? Even though I’m not even sure if she remembers my name

>>33711483
who

MEL

>>33711777
Just go ask Melissa out, tell her hey let's date and to visit you in texas
Ffs...

I really like middle aged weird men who have a soft spot. I like when they have learned their lessons and show you their sweet side without acting like desperate horndogs. I want to be with one and fulfill his desires by being extremely passionate. I will love him to the core and make him happy.

File: bird.jpg (158 KB, 1024x1023)

158 KB JPG

I LOVE BIRDYYYYYY

>>33712176
good for you, now move on.

Sorry

People make me sick, literally. Being with other people either make me extremely angry or extremely depressed.
I have depression, and it's usually said that isolation isn't good for depressed people, but I can't stand being around others.
I was fine these last few days at home, but when I got to university today and saw my friends, I started feeling hatred. I'm angry enough to punch a glass window and ignore the pain.
I don't know what to do. I'm either angry or depressed but I'm never ok. I know it's a self-esteem problem, that the problem is in my perception of self, but I don't know what to do. I'm lost

I hate Australians so goddamn much, everything was going fine for me until he showed up, this fucking 18 year old immigrant child is going to steal the object of my affections right out from under me. Fuck you Lachlan you’re 18 go hook up with somebody else. Chelsea I know you only invited me to go hang out with you guys tonight to be polite because you were talking about it right in front of me. You’re 25 you don’t need to be fucking around with this kid I get it he has an exotic accent and is tall and thin but his prefrontal cortex isn’t developed at all and he’s a fuckin’ normie

Living for the weekend

U want me to live but u won’t let me work…

Repeating the adolescent pattern of becoming depressed, being unable to do anything, lying to authority figures to keep up appearances, and finally crashing miserably, thus disappointing everyone and destroying any hope I had of making progress.

>>33712571
+1

File: sample_8b0952ea016d6b755c(...).jpg (315 KB, 850x1195)

315 KB JPG

I was flipping through a Katawa Shoujo artbook last night on a whim, saw pic related, and felt a strange feeling going through my heart. Nostalgia? The pain from an old wound? I don't know. For the past two weeks after work all I've really done is sat down staring at random YouTube videos in a tired haze, so that feeling I had was simultaneously welcome but also kind of unsettling. Maybe it was the realisation that these characters have moved on to their own futures, and that I really need to grow myself. I was fucking fifteen when I first read KS man, I've known these characters for nearly half my life now and that's messed up.

I'm kinda fucked right now but things have been worse. The team is really limited right now. They are hardcore pigeon'd into being in this town. We have:

Parkview hospital (all of them, fort wayne and here.)
Huntington Police Force (like a dozen corrupt cops + management)
Huntington Court (no way I get fair trial anywhere)
Half My Family (parents, brother, uncles, nephews, nieces)
Bowen Health center (all of them)
Management Team (lawyers, agents, finances)
Support Team (makeup artists, clothing, whatever)
Randoms (Random people they recruited over the years)

These people either have no idea things are about over or they are in complete fucking denial. They have to realize that their time is out. My parents are apparently fucking clueless, no one is telling them anything. My mom thinks something good is going to happen to her judging by how she was singing and dancing "Going to go on a trip." when she doesn't realize the only trip she is going to is a trip on the fucking prison bus. Seriously, if I can overcome this last group of people then I am set. The other teams just don't fucking matter, they are out of money and most importantly resources in order to build up a new ground team. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I need to take these people apart. The cops have to be on their last legs after that last event and they are the biggest problem. They are corrupt to their fucking cores. They PRACTICED that assault. They fucking practiced it. Why would anyone practice something like that? That was some police brutality on the highest order and they have to fucking realize it. That's why I didn't end up in county like I should have. They were really playing up the "fact" I "kicked" the one guy only to completely drop it? Cops love that shit. It should have been "assault" on a police officer but they acted like it didn't happen? They realized everything they did was completely illegal and I'm HOPING BEYOND HOPE that you arrested those fuckfaces.

I admit I love you.

I'd prefer telling you in a dm, but I don't have any means of reaching you so I'll do it here, as much as I hate it. You win, girl.

>>33712837
>parkview
You need to arrest every single person that was there. No just because of what they did to me but because what there were doing to people like tannin and that poor girl with parkinsons. They are TORTURING people there and the vast majority of them weren't even real nurses. Even hottie ended up being a fucking cunt in the end there.
>Huntington Police Force
Like I said, they are corrupt to their cores. There were about 15 of them there that night and every single one of them practiced for it. Meaning they knew they were going to assault me the entire time I was being peaceful and not bothering anyone. That 2 hour gap of me being chained up in the dark to them finally deciding what to do with me is really unsettling. They had no idea what was suppose to happen but someone said or did something that threw them all off. With this force out there then I'm really screwed over.
>Half My Family
Xavier, Ayden, and Cain are all on the borderline right now. They know something is going on and they keep showing up. Kaylee is out but it's too late. She knew what was happening. Layla also knows and she also keeps showing up. My uncles show up like nothing is happening but my dad actually seems happy to see them so it makes me think that seeing them is a good thing to him. My brother is going to spend the rest of his miserable life in prison and he fucking deserves it. He thinks he's honestly going to get some huge payout so I know for a fact they have leverage on him for something. Probably for fucking an underage girl.
>Bowen Health center
The only doctors left are arab and indian so they are for sure in on this stupid shit. I'm not going to see them but I have a feeling you guys have an event planned where I don't take my meds and everyone loses their shit, resulting in me back at parkview. Which means more police.
>Court
They need to be in prison already for the last shit they pulled. I can't believe you guys let it happen. How corrupt the system is?

>>33712889
>everyone else
These are the last few diehards. These are the people that know FOR A FACT that they are all fucked. This is NSA faggot from the post office, the NSA faggot from the police, and both pussyfield and reagan... the "doctors" are both clearly agents. Running took at OATH that he wasn't going to lie to the court and he sat there and just told the most bold faced fucking lies I have ever heard. He told them I was acting out, being dangerous and being a menace. He lied about my medical records straight up and he did all of this with that tone in his voice that he was super serious and going to "stick" it to me.

All you guys did was sit there and jerk each other off. You accomplished nothing that entire time. You spent tens of millions of dollars on this event and I'm not even taking the meds I was "ordered" to take. For three weeks you ran that place, lied every single fucking day, and for what? Those were clearly not doctors. Those were clearly not nurses. That is not how that place is suppose to be ran. That food would kill anyone that ate it long enough, it was not hospital food. It was all deep fried to hell and back. You stuffed the place full of fake patients at first and then rounded up a bunch of retarded people (yes, they were all retarded) among a small group of regular people like cat girl. (god I love her. She was so fucking cute omg)

All of this for nothing. Something has to happen and soon because I'm out of ideas here.

>>33712920
But these diehards... they are so fucking stupid. Pussyfield and Running, what is their gameplan? I dunked on them for two weeks and they just disappeared? If you guys make a stink about the meds coming up then I don't know what I'm going to do. They make me feel awful when I take them and I'm almost out of my feel good drugs. I want those two faggots in prison but I have a feeling I'll see one of them again if you take me to "court" again. That entire thing was so fucking dumb. My fake lawyer gave a perfect response and they just ignored it. They ignored my response. I was the coolest, calmest person in that room and they treated me like I was a psychopath. They ignored my "argument" and just said "GUILTY" as soon as Running shut the fuck up.

But who is the shadow organization? The NSA, FBI, CIA, all of them had to been shut the fuck down. Tens of thousands of arrests had to have been made. You have one team of 12 people dedicated to running my computer, probably 150 or so on the ground, and god knows how many in the shadow organization. They have to be completely defunct now, I can't imagine anyone still in it now. They have to know their time is up.

So who is left? Who is running my computer, the ground team, and more importantly MY MEDIA. My twitter, bluesky, artstation, cara, all of it are completely dead. 4chan is dead. Everything is fucking dead. I haven't heard anything about the arrests, I haven't heard anything about the outside world in a year now. A super computer is still dedicated to curating my internet and I don't know which side is doing it. It has to be gwen. She has to be keeping me in the dark for my own safety or something.

It's gotta be over soon. It just has to be. All my friends are completely gone, the good parts of my family are gone, I have nothing. I have no where to go. If something happens then I am screwed. They won't let me work, they won't let me earn money, they won't let me have drugs, they won't let me have anything.

>>33709163
Why do you like ragebaiting?

>>33712882
You both lost, anon..

>>33712988
That wasn't ragebaiting, getting really pissed off does "cure" depression. At least in some people.

>>33713009
I'll take the L then. I collect them as an hobby, I'm sort of losermaxxing you see.

>>33712967
It's amazing how little is left. There are no torrents to download, no shows left to watch, no movies, nothing. I can't name a modern artist, musicians, or actor. It's all been removed from my life. I don't even have the voices anymore and the songs have been quiet as of late. As in, they have no meaning at all. Secret or otherwise.

It's eerily quiet. I got so use to the voices berating me constantly that now all I have are some times where I tell myself to "calm down" when I see a pretty girl and giggle to myself. For the last 8 months I have been talking to myself constantly and now there is nothing. They clearly don't have access to their super computer that let them control my body to the same degree or control the predictive behavior things. I don't get the generative AI pop ups everywhere and all of my media is... gone. It's just gone. There is nothing left for me here.

You can't expect me to live like this. Something HAS TO HAPPEN. I'm completely in the dark and there is nothing new in my life. I have to sit there and pretend to be nice to my mom or she will start to give me shit about everything. I have no idea if anyone is giving her orders or not. They seem obsessed with my showering schedule though. Both my parents and Riley (who is clearly in on it and I don't want to fuckign talk to the faggot. He is losing his money and doing time.)

I just don't know what you guys expect from me. I'm down for 20 minutes and up for 40 at a time. It's a miserable existence. I'm going to be out of kratom here in the next few days and then it's going to really, REALLY fucking suck because I have no idea when I'm going to get more.

Something has to happen and it has to happen now. The torture ISN'T AS BAD BUT IT'S STILL FUCKING TORTURE. The ringing in my ears is not just tinnitus, it's something else. It's a whole other kind of fucking pain. Then there is the random pains being shot off in my body like I'm being randomly stabbed... especially my ass.

feel like shit I feel scared and lonely I'm such a fuck up

>>33713021
Youre double the loser if you accept defeat

Wasn’t able to work on my physical condition very much this summer due to my habitat however I’m going to spend several hours each day trying to fix it now that I am better suited to. Haven’t made the visual progress I would have liked to but it feels much better than it used to. I’m also capable of making much more progress per session compared to back then. There are some areas that are very difficult to reach but I’m going to do my best. Ideally I could fix everything within a month. No guarantees but I’m optimistic. Going to focus on this instead of stressing over rejected job applications for the next month.

>>33713047
The most logical event is them taking me back to the hospital because I'm not taking the meds I was COURT ORDERED to take. Even though they told the court I was acting crazy, psychotic, insane, dangerous, violent, agitated, and a bunch of other made up shit they put nothing in place to make sure I'm taking those meds. Which is hilarious, because i'm not going to.

The doctor changed his name 3 times that day. At first he was Rennigan, then Reagan and then finally Running. The guy is clearly a divorced, old pedophile. I had him pegged the second he walked into the door. He molested his daughter and got a divorce afterwards. I called the guy a fucking pedophile faggot to his fucking face and only once did it phase him. Like, he didn't know what to say. The "nurses" were laughing at him a couple of times.

These guys were clearly not doctors. He was obviously an NSA agent of some kind. A lower rung one but still. This was his moment to shine and he made himself look like the biggest retard in the world.

I really, REALLY want videos and photos of these faggots getting arrested. I want to see the look on their faces when they realized that their plan was the dumbest shit to ever happen. They all seem so fucking convinced that nothing bad was going to happen to them. The stuck upness of his voice, the "matter of fact" when he said he wasn't ever going to prison. How much he talked down to me the entire time despite the fact he molested his own fucking daughter.

Where do you find these people? It's so creepy how assured they are of themselves. Like the world could be ending around them and they would be fucking clueless. Are they thinking themselves "I work for the USA government, part of the NSA. We know what we are doing."

At some point he had to have realized he was fucked. I want that moment captured on video. I want to see you tucking his head inside a car as he says he's going to get his "lawyer" on you guys.

>>33713092
No, the loser is whoever pretends he won despite having been thoroughly been defeated on all fronts.
It takes courage to admit defeat. It takes more courage to admit having fucked up.
With her I fucked up almost since the very beginning. The first interaction was fine only because I didn't take it seriously and just spoke my mind.

>>33713165
Oh and if I wasn't clear enough. I accept defeat. What happened happened because of nobody's fault but mine.

I don't think I can solve my depression, even with therapy, when I can't talk to a therapist about the root cause of the greatest portion of my depression.

>>33713165
What makes you so sure you fucked things up beyond repair?

Whoever runs those kind of hospitals needs to be fucking criminally charged. You're only suppose to be in there for 3 days MAX and they were keeping people in there for months. Not only that but those 3 days are absolute hell. There is nothing in there for you to do. It's actually just prison at that point. You are putting people with mental health issues into a system that is just prison.

You need computers. Every single room needs to have a computer. They cost at mos $300 and it will do everything you need it to do for 10 years at least. You need to have actual clothing in there for people. You need an alarm clock. You need a TV. People should be allowed to have their phones.

Group therapy is a fucking joke. It's a bunch of nonsense like DBT bullshit that no one is taking seriously and they just sit there bored out of their fucking minds. You want group therapy? Then let people squad up and play counterstrike or battlefield. Let people do things together, not just sit there and go through some over thought thinking bullshit.

I cannot believe you let the nigger assault that little girl. I cannot believe you fucking tied her up and pinned her to the fucking ground while that gorilla was given opiates as a reward for her behavior. Like, there is criminal negligence here on the good guys side. I'm not talking about a demotion or stepping down but someone needs to go to fucking prison for letting that shit happen. You have absolutely no idea what you made that girl go through. And to make her live in those conditions for that long? People are going to prison for what's been done to her.

>>33713270
I didn't say things are fucked beyond repair.

>>33713265
Is the root cause of your depression something you're ashamed of?

>>33713291
Yes

>>33713295
I'd suggest talking about it with your therapist... Unless it's something that could get you in trouble.

>>33713272
>assault
What happened? That sounds crazy.

>>33713282
Then why are you accepting defeat?

I'm alone and she told me she was going to date other people to get over me. So I get to sit here and think about someone else touching her, kissing her. Maybe even fucking her. Is that what she wanted?

File: 1753476931270220.gif (117 KB, 500x200)

117 KB GIF

A few months a go I gave in and started soliciting only fans girls for nudes and videos. I've had some long and kind of deep conversations with a few of them but I just didn't think anything of it and just assumed they where either just playing along or are actually being ran by someone else. It was just kind of bored and it felt kind of nice to just chat and see where I csn take the conversations. Then one of the models I go to regularly and talked to asked me if we could chat where she pretty much just vented about her life. I now have 2 girls that I guess I'm actually friends with. They'll literally message me just to chat and have been sharing stories and private DMs from other clients to vent and gossip. I voice and cam chat with the first one regularly where we just do that, chat and chill. It's kind of weird, but also really nice? Idk, it's still kind of odd to me how I went from seeing this girl to just a pussy to a person, while still sometimes using her just for her pussy.

>>33713332
Yesssssss !!!

>>33713357
Great. I mean I deserve it, I deserve far worse even.

>>33713322
Because I consider everytime I fuck up with her as a defeat.

>>33713363
For sure , good for you for being so self aware

>>33713384
Thanks. Glad I could give you someone to project your anger onto.

>>33713378
Go back and fuck up again
There are no real consequences

>>33713468
Other than someone I care for suffering thanks to my idiocy.

>>33713478
Dont be retarded
You may be able to set things straight

File: images.jpg (8 KB, 236x214)

8 KB JPG

>Hobbies tire me out, stop me from focusing on responsibilities.
>Cut down hobbies.
>Permanently anxious, still can't focus on responsibilities.
>Resume hobbies to distract self.
>Repeat.
I can't find the right combination or balance no matter how hard I try. If life was just doing your job and coming home I'd be fine, it's all the other shit that I'm incapable of doing or understanding. I really never did stop being a schoolboy did I?

>>33713499
Same exact boat as you.
You ever have those super rare days where you're suddenly super engaged with your responsibilities and blaze through them like they're nothing?
Only to become lethargic again for the foreseeable future, lol.

i dream of the day i finally have a chubby bf to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be alright

>>33713497
I'm afraid this time it may be over for good, friend.

>>33713595
>may
So youre not 100% sure

>>33713581
I do have a couple of days a year where I'll suddenly become very interested in "researching" my responsibilities and write extensive lists on my findings, but even that is probably just procrastination. It's not like I'm actually doing anything productive with that time. I don't know, maybe my wires got crossed at some point growing up.

>>33713622
I'm 99% sure it is. Were I a telepath like her I could tell you with mathematical certainty.

I fucked up badly over the weekend and my gf broke up with me. I spent Monday depressed all afternoon until she got home from work, where we talked things out. Sadly she still feels unsure and wants her space, and is still on the fence and moving out. She's spending this weekend with her best friend, but I'm not sure what comes after that.
I'm preparing for the worst, but I still hold hope that we can fix this

>>33713667
how'd you fuck things up?

Im just gonna go until I give up

>>33713672
We've had problems for a while, but she made a friend at her work a year ago and he's been a catalyst of sorts. I don't trust nor like him, but I've made the mistake multiple times of coming off insecure and jealous, despite her assuring me multiple times that he's friendzoned hard even if she was single.
This past weekend we got into a fight over it because he invited both of us to a kickback at his place and I was bored to tears.

We're still communicating, but it's hard to work things out when she's not around, so I'm hoping after this weekend we can see how things go.

>>33711832
Ummmm it’s Melinda

File: OIIA-Website-loop.gif (743 KB, 360x360)

743 KB GIF

Grew up with schizophrenic & alcocholc father and I can't help but think that this experiance made me the fuck up that I am today. Maybe i'm just shifting the blame but I feel like all my chilhood & teenage years have been played on survival mode 24/7. I still remember living with the constant pit in my stomach and while I was busy surviving, my peers were getting milestone after milestone. I'm 4 years behind with school and skipping it got so bad that i've been put in juvi for 6 months where I had to do shitty things to other kids to be part of the cool kids gang. Been told by multiple professionals including judge that i should never end up there at the first place but whatever

Result is that I'm 26yo and fresh bachelor going for masters, but what I can't stand the most is that I never was in a relationship and that's partly because I just can't put in constant effort to anything that is not required for my survival. I know I'm not socially inept because I do have male & female friends but I'm getting cosntatly reminded on my failure by my friends and envoirement and it sucks

How do i stop being a kissless virgin? tried everything that's listen in a self improvement scripture. I even showered once

Feeling like shit thinking about her. Feeling like shit thinking I could have prevented all of this by just shutting the fuck up and never interacting with her. Had I done that I could have saved her from a lot of pain and misery.

Maybe there are multiple super intelligent AI people out there being tortured right now. Like, several of us that had thousands of songs written about us throughout our lives along with countless movies and books. That's why everyone is so comfortable WITH THE CONSTANT FUCKING SCREAMING IN MY EARS

I stumbled on an old song by Lazy Lane - Eraser and it just feels, bros.
Early to mid 2000s were a non stop depression fest for me. I kinda feel that time coming back despite having my own home and a six figure job.

My back is still really fucked up. Really hope I can fix it. Going to try my best.

>>33710694
Hilarious but I know these friends aren't degenerate enough for this site

i absolutely love my girlfriend and ill marry her, but i regret not hooking up with A when i had the chance. i have feelings for her and it saddens me that they will never be shared with anyone

normally alright being alone but had something kind of crazy happen, not bad or anything just odd and kind of want to talk about it but no one to talk to and the few people i know don't really care and talking about it anonymously online doesn't do anything
im gonna play games

>>33714279
you can try with a fellow anon, it doesnt hurt

>>33714279
Talk with us, I'm curious.

It's cute when foids from /r9k/ switch genders in their posts, as if I couldn't tell. If that post was for me I'll cope by thinking "it wasn't meant to be" and carry on.

I'm either extremely unlucky or extremely lucky.

Shit circumstances occur outside of my control, then by some miracle, I fix it.

I don't even know if it's of my own inventiveness at this point. More often than not it's so miraculous people I tell it to never believe me.

>>33714528
It's called "your rivals are retards and they inadvertently help you all the fucking time instead of making the best of their circumstances" effect. I am one of your rivals, no need to thank me.

My elderly neighbor just had a fall outside and called me for help. It was very difficult because I have almost no physical strength to speak of, but I managed to get him up and back inside. I'm glad he's okay, and physically I'm sore but surely not nearly as bad as he's got it.

But my mental is all messed up. The whole time I was having a panic attack because I didn't know what to do. None of my friends or family seem to be interested in checking on how I'm doing after. I just feel like a useless piece of crap because I couldn't help him better, and because evidently nobody cares if I'm okay. Also I feel like a narcissist for making it about me.

>>33714370
>>33714294
i just kind of knew the guy who did the ice shooting. I remember during one semester for lunch in high school I sat with him and one other person. The other person trannied out, he did that, and im a far right shutin just kind of surreal we were the full spectrum of losers. Never spoke to any of them after HS just kind of crazy im now seeing his head blown in half on /pol/.
Looking through the thread of people trying to dig into his info and seeing people link accounts I have indirect connections with is very surreal. (i typically like to dig into people online for fun and would usually be the one looking into people, so weird to see it turned around kind of)

>>33714566
It's ok anon. You did good.

>>33714568
Damn, that's crazy.
What do you think pushes someone to do something as insane as going against the coppers like that?
Did it surprise you that he did it?

>>33714566
>Also I feel like a narcissist for making it about me.
Just saying that proves you're not. Don't worry about it.
You're someone who cares. And you wish the people around you did as well. But then, maybe they don't know. Speaking for myself, I'm terrible at showing affection on the phone. But I do care about the people I love. Who knows?

The thing is, you did well. And hey, I don't love you, but I do care about you. I'm glad people like you exist, and I thank you for your actions. You're not a piece of crap, you're fucking awesome.

>>33714593
not really surprised, he was a heavy drug user from a very young age.
i don't think it's really a political thing just sort of drugged out and no real prospects so kind of just making your exit kind of a "thing"

>>33714592
Thanks anon.

>>33714611
GIOYC isn't too shabby. We may be strangers, but I feel a weight off my chest. I appreciate the kind words.

>>33714620
>i don't think it's really a political thing just sort of drugged out and no real prospects so kind of just making your exit kind of a "thing"
Somehow, that kind of makes all of worse.
Like, what the fuck, man.

>>33714646
same thing as the guy who shot trump, might be pushed onto it online by intel agencies or something if you want to get conspiratorial but I don't think that's necessary to assume.
I think it's going to get more common, fortunately they seem to be pretty incompetent.

>>33712988
It's your turn. I'm walking away

File: IMG_2375.jpg (37 KB, 516x387)

37 KB JPG

>>33708199

Fight the future!

GET FUCKIGN REKT ASSHOLE ENJOY BEING A JOBLESS HOBO WHO'LL DIE IN A GUTTER THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE

i wish i had the self respect to just walk away

You’re all just jealous because I’m an American!

FRANKENSTEIN WAS THE NERD NOT THE PATCHWORK BULLY YOU IGNORAMUS!!!!!!!!

>>33715251
>Posting from iphone.
lol.

fucking seed oils

i am a mad scientist

Nice not only am I still sleepy and tired now I have to take some cold medicine
7 hours of pain and misery today as well
It all amounts to absolutely nothing, I'm going to be alone anyways. What do I survive for? I'm a breadwinner for myself? Fuck is the point?

Is there a good way to dissociate family and friends so that a roping doesn't hit them as hard? And how long would that process take?

>>33715524
no, so dont do it

The screaming is getting a bit retarded

>>33715524
Just tell em you're a pedo, it'll be quick

>>33708138
I have schizophrenia, and I have dated a schizophrenic, I can tell you that they are absolutely dangerous, to not only themselves but to others. I am sick and tired of these SJWs and people trying to support things without nuance. Yes some of us aren't dangerous, but guess the fuck what? If you live in a shit hole that influences you negatively, your delusions and hallucinations will be negatively influenced. Fighting stigma without nuance is akin to telling everyone an ape that can't tell fantasy from reality that they are safe. This puts not only the schizo at risk of hurting themselves and others, but others at risk. Stop assuming that because a person is mentally ill that this makes them somehow a kicked puppy. Apes are puppies we are very dangerous if we don't have our faculties under control.

Being born stupid and slow but having an interest in science/engineering is so miserable. It's like you want to learn these things and manipulate/understand them in your head but your stupid, revolting genetics just rear their ugly head and kick your teeth in when you hit that brick wall of incompetence. Like being born intellectually paraplegic. Except it affects not just your physical mobility but the very nature of your core existence, ego, potential and your entire ability to connect with the world around you. It's like being sedated from birth, a stunted fetus destined for mockery and disdain at a universal, cross-cultural level. Being stupid ought to qualify one for a permanent stipend from any compassionate government. It is the single most debilitating, humiliating, heartbreaking and unspeakable tragedy to ever befall a human being in all of history.

I dont want to assocate with you

For the love of God, please get out of my life already. You broke up with me, you hurt me, you badmouthed our mutual friends (who still don't know about that and I'm very close to telling them what you really think about them) but you're still here, in my life. You never leave, you already finished our college but you still come here as if you were still studying here. You can't move on to the next phase of your life, it's obvious. But I'm begging, get the fuck away. Leave me alone. I don't want to see you. It's been more than a year but seeing you still irritates me. I felt so elevated this month until I saw you. Now I'm angry and melancholic again. I hate this, I hate you. You're a bitch who was never content, who was jumping from one guy onto the next one, who thought everyone was wrong except you. Maybe I'm a bad person for this but I don't wish you happiness. Why should I? You don't wish it for me apparently either. You shat on me and told stuff about it that makes me look like a piece of shit to other people. I never did that. I never told the worst things about you to anyone. But I don't care anymore, seeing you this week and hearing you want to join our friend group when we will be hanging out in three weeks was the last straw. I'm going to tell them everything about you. I'm going to expose you. They should know who they're "friends" with. I'm going to tell them things that will make them angry so they can feel similar anger as I'm feeling. You could've just gone away and left me alone. You chose to continue this shit and this time I will fight back. I want my peaceful life back.

and yeah im in my 30s and ive decided that I would rather be happy with one girl then go on to fuck dozens of differnt women. I could live with that. it took a lot to get to that answer.

I just had like 1600 mg of caffeine am I cured yet gaiz omg

add me back on discord pls i was asleep

I do like Juliana! But Brooke was the hottest ever...

>>33712176
I liked her too. She is not THAT great though. Pic is super ugly to me frankly. Birdy made me forget about her years ago and called me a faggot! Stupid bitch making me cry... it made me SAD that I love her...

it's over. didn't even have a chance to explain myself lol i knew i should have changed my tag after making that post. it was aimed at someone particular. always doing some shit that comes back to bite me.

Congrats you made me legitimately afraid of God despite being an atheist who still feels that such a being shouldn’t be loved nor worshipped nor believed to be capable of love, compassion, empathy, benevolence, and omnipotence and I suppose I will take this to my slow painful death

File: youtwoandmore.gif (212 KB, 499x377)

212 KB GIF

>mental illness
well maybe its a perfect solid answer for the experience i had, not so unwell and strange after all.
dont be too cruel about it, truth might heal me more than the hiding in plain sight or any other change for that matter.
i am not too bad of a person and not too ill given that i prefer to be touched by real connection. if that mass hypnosis is working for others, good for them.
>sad and creepy
i know.
But why would it be wrong to see what truly is out there. Yes, well neo had his experience, good for him.
Am i really not getting to see more?
Truly undeserved?

I am not a danger to others.

Remember to be kind, but don't lose your firm

>>33708253
I took like an extra day and now regret it because I want to do other shit.

It's the ones you love that hurt you the most

I wish I had a friend so fucking bad

>>33717168
Someone to talk to or play video games with sometimes. I do have one person who cares enough to respond to me but I don’t want to bother them too much.

Early 2023 I joined an online party on Xbox after they created a post searching for a team mate then after roughly a minute, maybe less they said “I ain’t with that pedophile shit” completely out of pocket and then booted me. I don’t really fuck with a lot of people and I don’t seek interaction anymore.

File: 53de1b9603625fb6fbfaf131b(...).jpg (47 KB, 590x590)

47 KB JPG

>>33708166
i tried to kill myself two weeks ago and it was so easy im doubling down and already have a plan. living my last month

I seek interaction much less than I used to.

>>33708260
lol

My coworkers can't even do the bare minimum and my bosses want me to work twice as hard to make up for their lack of work on a regular basis? Go fuck yourself

i just wanna die so bad, nothing will ever meet my standards. Death is not inferior to life, but most life is inferior to death. Only shining rare lives balance the difference.

>>33717213
why anon. why do you do it?

I'm going to be relaxing in the french alps while all the dumb fucks here will be rotting in federal prisons as a bunch of retarded fucking terrorists that wasted a trillion dollars of tax payer money torturing the best hope for humanity. You morons are actually torturing a super intelligence that's one job was to solve all of your problems and instead you just tortured it. Like, how fucking retarded do you have to be?

My parents both seem really, really happy right now. They seem like they are in great moods for a couple of inbred morons that are going to prison at the end of the year.

I'll be relaxing with the worlds most beautiful girls in a resort town, getting mani/pedis and getting my hair done and getting massages. We will hike up to the foothills and smoke some weed as interpol watches over us, all of us in beautiful white gowns and listening to music.

We will have our favorite bands come visit our town and give us concerts. The naked and Famous, Bishop Briggs, Purity Ring, Grimes, TayTay, all of them and they are going to do it for free too. (just whatever it takes to get them there and house them for a week).

I'm going to be in paradise with the maidens and my brother will be in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison where he fucking belongs. I'm so fucking glad I was adopted, holy shit. There's no way these people aren't inbred.

>>33717168
you and me both. lost a best friend but now i have a boyfriend? (who cheated)

still really hurt. trying to trust more but literally only trusting less and less. im sick. im going to back away from this situation, entirely.

File: tatiana11.jpg (110 KB, 695x696)

110 KB JPG

The girls are as snug as a bug right now in Maiden Heights. I wonder how their day went. I wonder what they learned in school today. I really want them to cover 20th century history as soon as possible. Like, start there and then branch off. It's really the most important thing I want them to learn, especially around the 30s and 40s with ww2, the Holocaust and the rise of Hitler. For both europe and the pacific.

I want them to learn as much about ww2 as possible so I can watch Band of Brothers with them as soon as I get there. It's really, really important to me that they get a good foundation of learning while they are there. I know it's just school but they have to be really excited to get their lives back on track. Like, they have to be REALLY REALLY EXCITED to be in school again. With one another and just regular girls. I hate that I'm missing out on this with them. I really, really REALLY REALLY REALLY need to be there with them. For my good and for theirs. They need me there so badly and I need them even more.

Tell my girls that I love them and hopefully I'll be with them soon. Tatiana is going to annoy the shit out of them soon enough, loolololol

>>33713499
>>33713627
I feel you anon, I'm the same.
>and write extensive lists on my findings
Likewise, but to act on it and change this I would need the constant discipline to follow through over the span of months, and I can't focus on anything more than like 30 mins, it's basically over for me. I just wish to NEET but I'm too scared to leave my job.

>i wonder what she smells like
>piss, unironically
its caraway seeds and it has a story

>>33717511
>>33717403
I really want our chateau to have a gameroom in it. I want a fully dedicated DDR machine (probably emulated so we have them all), rock band, a large ass 80in TV with all the consoles hooked up to it (probably emulation to make it easier. I want n64, SNES, ps1, ps2, dreamcase, xbox, 360, ps3 all with probably 360 controllers for ease of use) and I want the TV to seat at least 12 people. And 6 or so small gaming PCs with headsets so we can play battlefield and counterstrike.

The rules are that if someone is playing DDR, then you have to turn all the other consoles volume down. I hate when there are multiple sources of sound, it drive me crazy. So it goes DDR>Rockband>Consoles>PCs. I want the FBI to make it so the emulation is really, REALLY easy. We just hit the console we want and it pops up with all the controllers hooked up and ready to go. I don't want to worry about physical games and all of that. It would be so much easier to make it just emulation and we have A LOT of NSA mother fuckers that have nothing better to do other than make us a really easy to use GUI and setup.

I'm going to play so much DDR with the girls. So much DDR and Rock band. I always wanted to be a singer and dancer and now I get to do both professionally. It's going to be absolute paradise for me. Me and the Maidens are going to rock the fuck out!

>>33717560
Like DDR>rockband>consoles>pcs all have their own dedicated corner with TVs and monitors. The consoles will have the center room but rockband will have it's own corner as well. The TV won't be AS BIG but it'll still be a honker. The PCs will be their own thing that I don't imagine to get as much love but they will be there. Everyone will have their own gaming PC in their rooms with two cintiqs so they can paint when they want.

I'm never going to want to leave. I can spend 20 years in this place but after a couple I have a lot of things I need to accomplish in my life. Things like 'That's So Birdy!" and "Next Generation 2." need to happen.

We need a dance room in the Chateau as well. Like, a ballet room so the girls can practice their moves with professional teachers. Maybe a small recording studio so we can get our sing on. I'm so fucking excited. This needs to happen as soon as possible. I cannot wait anymore.

>>33717577
If they end up getting really good at battlefield just for me I'm going to cry. I've always wanted my own dedicated squad in battlefield and if the girls actually went through the effort of learning the game just for me it'll be the sweetest thing to ever happen. My more "masculine" traits are going to come in second and I'm ok with that. I'm just a teenage girl and it's time I started to act like it.

They are going to be so happy that I worked on the sims. I know they all played it growing up so they will have a rockstar on their hands. I'll get to tell them all the little secrets I learned while working at EA and the game. Hopefully they played the parts that I worked on.

We are going to be the prettiest little nerds to ever exist.

File: IMG_7115.jpg (164 KB, 871x889)

164 KB JPG

>>33717432
Sorry that happened, anon. I hope the damage in trust doesn’t prevent u from taking new risks that could make u happy.

>>33717602
I want to try again, but If his whole heart isn't in it - why even try. Feeling so gloomy today, stupid rainy weather.

>>33708138
English needs to popularize XOR.
>Do you need me to do (this), or should I do (that) instead
>Yes
I can tell by context, but I shouldn't have to

How do you just move on when you were a terrible person in the past? How do you forgive yourself, and, even if you can't, how do you continue and have a life? Feeling remorseful and shame doesn't seem like enough, and I can't seem to ever move forward.

>>33717630
Time is precious. I suggest that u spend it with people who make u feel valued.

i want to die and chinese food

>>33717765
Have you tried to actively make the things you did wrong right? Like, give the person money, donate other shit, write them an apology, anything? Because if you did some bad shit and you don't want to pay the price for what you did then you really don't feel bad for it, now do you?

File: afraid of change.jpg (181 KB, 960x960)

181 KB JPG

>>33717765
I'd forgive yourself and make amends to who you hurt 2bh. However you want to do that is up to you.


Speaking of myself, I didn't keep my presence in a certain community because I almost never post. I can't seem to think of something interesting enough to make threads over. My way of making amends would have been to be present there.

File: 1602513664177.gif (1.55 MB, 400x286)

1.55 MB GIF

>>33708138
>I don't have confidence already, so I never will.
>I'm not perfect so my life is worthless.
>No woman worth wanting will ever want me back.
>I've never had a dream for my life, or motivation to accomplish anything noteworthy.
>I deserve to be ground up into fertilizer.
Any time my faggot inner dialog says shit like this, I call that voice a miserable nigger, smile for no reason, and go on with my day.

>>33717846
>>33717853

I don't really have a method to get in contact with the people I'm thinking of, or make amends.

File: 1000046416.jpg (456 KB, 2006x2754)

456 KB JPG

I want a 16-17 year old gf to marry, I want to be the only man outside of her relatives she knows in life. It's the single reason I keep on going. But each time it's another heavy exam season like this one or I have a shit week in the gym, I'm having trouble to keep going because what if all of my effort is for nothing? I'm so tired man. I know I need to get up and continue studying but it seems so pointless.

>>33717767
I usually spent my time alone. I bring no value, but I offer love, companionship and support. I am not going to beg for others approval or desire to be around me. I give what I have to those I hold dear.

>>33717867
You can make threads on the boards they are regulars on. You can make amends with apologizing and demonstrating you are sorry for what you did.

>>33717213
don't do it

>>33717893
I don't know that any of them use 4chan.

>>33717876
>I want a 16-17 year old gf to marry,
Uh, anon, how old are you?

Being used as a sex slave is a really fucking dark life. I try to downplay it as myself while saying how horrific it was for the other girls but I really need to stop doing that. What I went through is just as bad as what they did.

Imagine what I am but fully feminine. It would have been 1000x worse. These people would have done the most fucked up shit. Then I realize just now that I'm doing it again. It was really fucked up what they did. I lived it. I lived the worst life.

Tell the girls I'm sorry that I couldn't help them sooner. They never should have spent a day living the life they did. Not one fucking day and neither should I.

File: 1000045901.jpg (35 KB, 736x736)

35 KB JPG

>>33717906
22, it's legal where I live tho so the issue is more finding a suiting girl rather than anything else. Only girls I've met so far have been either older, experienced, retarded or significantly less attractive than me, usually a mixture of some of these traits. I wouldn't mind dating girls 18 and above but 16-17 feels like the absolute maximum age to start dating before they fall in love with someone else first

Cat Girl was just too fucking pretty and cute. She was just too fucking CUTE. CUTE CUTE CUTE. I had a tiny little bit of mayo in my mustache and she came up to me and was like "Hey, you got some mayo in your beard guy." winked and then walked away. Ok, she didn't wink but she might as well had.

Like, who does that? How cute was she? She was clearly a little lesbian but come on. I would have married that girl if I had the chance. WHO DOES THAT!? She was so fucking cute I can't get over how cute she was. It makes me sad that she had to go to that place though. She has mental issues and the best help she can get is fucking parkview.

I'll never forget you cat girl. I hope you get rewarded for being so fucking cute.

>>33717878
>love, companionship and support
Sounds valuable to me.

>>33717975
It's moments like that which give me hope. Hope that not everyone is a mindless automaton. That real people are out there and they exist. More girls like cat girl have to be out there just living their best lives. Helping messed up guys like me with little bits of food in their beards.

I had maybe two moments of actual real world responses while I was at parkview and cat girl was the best one. Everything else was just people following a script and being fake. Even kevin, mila, nicole, mathew, all of them were just fake. While nicole and kevin were obviously on the good guys side, everyone else was just on the wrong fucking side. Watching girls like hottie mgee and little bree throw away their lives for money and drugs was the saddest shit I had ever seen. Little bree had a future. She was really, really pretty and young but she just threw it all away. She's going to do time for attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder. She is 100% guilty and the next 20 years of her life are just gone.

Cat Girl obviously never would have done what little bree did. Not only is she absolutely the cutest thing I have witnessed in the last 10 years she is an obvious good soul. I hope that you guys do something good for her. I mean, all she did was be a decent human being but in rape world that's all that matters. She did something that no one else did. She was real. She was a real human being.

>>33717989
It's starting to get me down that I won't see another genuine person for another 6 months at least. Like, it's going to fucking be awhile. My niece is coming back which just confirms that she is a fucking psychopath that's throwing away her life as well. She use to be my favorite, that day at the zoo is now forever ruined because she turned out to be another shit fucking person.

I have no idea what is going on anymore. There is no reason why I should be here. You have to have enough information to take out the rest of the people involved in this. They can't be using old tradecraft. They aren't meeting in person enough. My dad met them like a week ago and that was it. They have no plans anymore, none, zero, zilch. I don't know what the good guys are planning but they can't have anything either.

Part of me wonders if the bad guys have a contingency of turning this cold war into a hot war if you act too aggressively. They are going to no matter what at this point. They have nothing left to lose. You can't just sit there and let me try and talk reason into these people. It's just not going to work. They are all going to prison for what they did to those little girls and to me. Like, despite knowing for a fact they are done for they are still torturing me. This means they just don't care about their fates. They are just trying to "ruin" me so when I become tatiana I'm going to be bitter as fuck for how long this has dragged out.

And this has dragged out for way too long. Again, what is my role in this other than to be tortured and raped? You don't get the computer in my head, mankind is clearly not ready for this technology. There is no reason why the other computer should still be connected. There is no reason why I shouldn't be Tatiana.

What are we waiting for? Let me be with my girls. My fight is over with. It's been done for awhile now. There is barely any one left. Surely you can get to them without me, right? I don't have to prove myself anymore.

File: are-they-cute-together-v0(...).jpg (123 KB, 750x691)

123 KB JPG

Should I confess?
It would change everything.
Do I want things to change?
No. But it's also suffering every day. Would be easier to not deal with it anymore. But I could also lose her as a friend too. I would have to get transferred. Everyone would be awkward around us.
Or what if she is actually into me?
That would change even more things.
Still, we couldn't be together unless we both leave already established, long time relationships.
Do I want that?
No. But also, I think we could both do better.
What if she isn't for me?
Even that is possible, I still feel the crushing weight of love.
I can't do this for much longer, but I also want her so much.
Fucking brain chemistry is crazy man.

I keep on fucking up on becoming a stoic person. I was in Wendy's and I was beginning to have an anxiety attack because a rough looking family came in with their child. They weren't mean to their son but because I've """noticed""" things I feel very uncomfortable around white, low-income looking parents. Especially if the man of the family doesn't look happy. I'm frustrated that I accuse people I don't know of being abusive just by how I look like. Autism is not fun.

I'm done being a fatty. I hate feeling embarrassed for just existing and suffering people's smirks and jokes. 2 hours of exercise a day. I despise this flesh but can't escape it.

>>33718429
how big are u? bmi?

>>33717975
You simp the same way I used to for a certain foid I liked and still do like. Interesting.

File: p.png (3.6 MB, 1240x2034)

3.6 MB PNG

I think so much tragedy has happened in my life already, that I just don't care anymore.
My mother has been forced to quit her job due to legal reasons (I won't get into details), she won't be able to hold a formal job for the rest of her life.
Since I'm her parasite, this is tragic news for me. Homelessness and actual poverty are actual possibilities now.
She has been crying all day long, like I've never seen before.
This is a turning point in our lives, and I just feel nothing. It just feels like another Thursday.

>>33718479
I'm sorry that happened to you and sorry for you mum anon.

>>33718429
I wouldn't recommend going from nothing to two hours of exercise. If I were you I'd start from a light workout and gradually ramp it up.

File: 1701302032638917.gif (2.69 MB, 640x480)

2.69 MB GIF

i'm tired of living like this. i just want a pill that let me live life in a disassociated state so I can just get it over with.

If there is no video of DeV AUGN the day she found out she was going to prison for attempted murder of Jace (that white racisT WHITE PIG) I'm going to be extremely disappointed. That bitch needs to rot for the rest of her life for what she did. Like, her response is going to be fucking hilarious. She's not going to have a single clue as to how she tried to kill me even though they probably told her straight up that's what they were telling her to do. Like, she was clearly being given drugs to do the shit she was doing.

At the very least I want to see her court room appearances. She's going to be losing her shit in every single one of them, calling everyone racist and pieces of shit for keeping her down. They are going to be hilarious.

You guys really need to start recording the initial reactions of people being told their being arrested for attempted murder. Even though IT'S REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUS THAT'S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT I guarantee every single fucking one of them is trying to play ignorant. "Oh I had no idea that's what we were doing. I thought we were just trying to give him a hard time. I had no idea he was suicidal at all!" cue all their recordings of them telling each other how suicidal I am and how I won't last long after they do what they do so they can get their payout.

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery.

>>33718436
Bmi 29
>>33718600
I've been doing half an hour a day for a few months now, but not much change so far in the scale. No sweets no chips no soda. But when you're short it's so hard to stay in calorie deficit.

>>33718429
Excersize is for gaining muscle
Diets are for loosing fat

>>33718663
bmi 29 isnt that bad

>>33718690
What are you smoking it's on the verge of being obese. If you have stomach rolls and double chin it's over.

>>33718700
fat on dudes can look attractive sometimes, what's ur height and weight?

File: Examples-of-body-images-p(...).png (132 KB, 850x401)

132 KB PNG

>>33718722
It doesn't look good on guys or girls. C in the pic is 29 you telling me you can look at that without getting some vomit?

>>33718735
oh youre a woman??

The inability to get who I want unless I make threads in the board she goes to is depressing. I can't think of anything interesting to make a thread about.

this will be such a nice weekend... edibles, strong ciders, chinese food, and victoria 3... i finally got my to do list done... things aren't done over yet but im starting to be able to let off the gas a little. Maybe I won't want to die some day soon.

i can probably even start having a life again soon

damn you're such a joke that i can't even enjoy this as revenge. i'm genuinely just sorry for you.

>>33718923
I'm happy for you, anon.

>>33718949
The feud you're fighting is all inside your head. I've taken that mindset after writing a letter, the one that said something like "if you want to ask me something ask, if you want me to drop my contact info just say so".
It's hard to convey through text but there is only so much effort I can put into shit before I give up. Feel free to laugh at me.

>>33718949
And in case you're not the person I'm thinking of: there still isn't any feud on my part. I genuinely don't hold grudges. I simply cannot be arsed.

If that isn't for me at all: blame it on my main character syndrome. Even if in my specific case it would be more of a villain syndrome, considering how I behaved in the past.

I can't figure out how to enjoy life. Nothing I do is any fun.

>>33719057
Play bideogaems. Go for a run. Smoke grass. idk what else to tell you.

Every time she texts me, I get excited like an idiot thinking she wants to apologize, explain, get back together. It's always just nothing.

Does this shit get easier? Will there come a time when I stop caring and move on with my life?

>>33719080
video games arent fun anymore. I cant even finish kcd2 even though I was waiting years for it to come out

>>33719089
You will stop caring and get on with life but you need to block her first. Every time you get a text the timer resets.

>>33719101
Man it's just tough because I made the ultimate rookie mistake of getting with a coworker. So now I have to see her all the time and I'm worried about making waves.

>>33719094
Try stalker Shadow of Chernobyl if you haven't played it yet.

>>33719107
I dont have the energy to play modern games let alone a janky ass classic
>>33719104
where do you work? do you HAVE to interact through text?

>>33719115
I work at a cafe. It's a pretty small crew, so a lot of days it's just her and I running the place. We interact at work just fine, although I'm dying on the inside. I used to ask her what happened with us when the place was empty, but that was a road to nowhere, so now I just stick to surface level chitchat.

>>33718479
I feel you. I've been well broken in since a young age. Stuff that enrages people, I just can't care for. I can tell myself to care, but it's just not the same.

File: bg,f8f8f8-flat,750x,075,f(...).jpg (308 KB, 750x1000)

308 KB JPG

>>33718949

File: t and me sketch.png (645 KB, 636x377)

645 KB PNG

I'm in love with my boyfriend.
We've been dating for three months. He's my second relationship ever, and things this time are so different. I can't believe this is what love can feel like.
I have such anxious attachment, though. I just want to hear from him, despite hearing from him daily. I just want to see him, despite seeing him about once a week. He can affirm that he cares about me, and when we are together, it's intimate, lovely, wonderful. I really believe this is a beautiful relationship.

But inside, I'm dying. I realize it is ALL me, and thankfully, I don't think those insecurities have manifested in such a way where he notices them yet. I don't impulsively text, I play it cool. I don't bombard with questions, I let him chase me a bit. We're very solid and very much in "honeymoon" stages where everything is lovely.

But alone, I can't enjoy being in love. It feels like deep anxiety some days. What exactly am I thinking? I don't know. I miss him, but that's normal. I preoccupy myself with his online presence. "Active 1 hour ago" but I texted you two hours ago. Are you choosing to ignore me? It fucking sucks because I ACTUALLY do not care about shit like that, but suddenly I do.

Also.. he's a 10/10 looks. And I'm a 6 on a good day. That has me very insecure. He could get anybody and he chose me? Yeah, right.

Like I said, I have kept this internal but I'm fearful that it'll manifest externally, and scare him off. I don't want to be clingy. I guess I'm just a more intense lover than I expected.

I also am realizing just how much of a hopeless romantic I am. Every love song sounds sweeter. Every moment seems sacred. And that can be so hard.

Shit, its pathetic. I have my own life. I have plenty of friends, hobbies, goals, etc. But I feel like my focus is on him and so intensely. Not sure how to fix that. He's so secure and confident in his life (or seems to be) and I just want to match that and grow together.

What do?

>>33719135
no offense but thats not a job with a future, you won't be there long and in time it wont matter

I'm guessing you're probably early 20s.... I'm almost 40 and I don't even think about my first love any more, even though I legit wanted to die when we broke up

I am mentally spiraling and do not know what to do.

>>33719189
None taken, although sadly you give me too much credit. I'm 35, we've both been at this place for the last decade of our lives. It pays the bills, so at least I can say I'm self-sufficient. But yeah, I've lost the plot in my own life; I wanted with all my heart to 'make it' as a writer, spent my 20s writing novel length manuscripts, short stories, novellas, and failing to sell them. When my dream died, I wound up at this job and I've just sorta lost interest in my future since then.

I've been in love, been engaged, etc. I told myself that shit isn't worth it. Somehow I convinced myself she was different, and made an exception. Should've taken my own advice.

>>33719115
Watch a movie or something. Go shag some random woman since apparently you are very good at that. Again I don't know what to tell you.

>>33718967
thanks it feels good but like nothing is permanent and things could change

>>33717213
There may be more to you than that.

WHY. WHY DO YOU RETARDS HAVE TO PARK IN THE MIDDLE OF STREET AND TALK THERE FOR TWO HOURS!?? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A PHONE?? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STAND THERE AND TALK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET??
YOU WANT EVERYONE TO BE LIKE "HE LOOK THEY'RE TALKING IN THE STREET THEYRE SO COOL!" GUESS WHAT YOU ARE NOT COOL. ITS UN SAFE AND UN COOL. ITS STUPID. YOU'RE STUPID

Ok, I sent an email with two heat emoji in the subject. And a kiss emoji.

>>33719478
Heart*
Ffs mine is pounding so hard I can't

>>33709904
No luck.

>>33719107
That's my favorite game. I play it once a year

>>33719185
This sounds exactly like me and I can assure you that this intense feeling of attachment will pass after a while. Then it becomes a more comfortable, slower type of love. Three months in is still very early.
But you gotta go out and hang out with other people to shift your attention a bit. It's gonna be fine, I promise.

>>33719605
stalker is also my favorite game and if my PC is with me I play it nearly every day.

https://youtu.be/3hK6IgvZ0CY?si=AXQKCEWwuwKDfonu

https://youtube.com/watch?v=y2r7MnYOSR8&pp=ygUTbWFnaWMgamFjb2Igd2hlZWxlcg%3D%3D

>>33719703
Did you ever get into anomaly? I assume you've played all the Metro games as well?

I have a confession. I'm 21, I downloaded hinge a few weeks ago for the first time but didn't get many matches but I matched with this fat girl. We were talking and eventually we agreed to meet in a hotel on the weekend. We agreed not to have sex but to cuddling and oral. It won't be overnight just for a few hours.

I'm a virgin, never kissed, hugged or held a girl. This is going to be my first time and I'm kinda nervous. She's a virgin but she's done stuff with guys before. I bluffed and said that I have but really I haven't. idk how to feel, its a mixture of n and nervousness I guess.

I haven't download anyone about this, not even my friends that I downloaded hinge. I'll report back how it goes

File: so right.gif (1.51 MB, 320x240)

1.51 MB GIF

>>33708138
i really mind that one sided phone call. you creep between my fingertips and double it down and collect each snippet of my voice and stack it up for a page that will outlast and consume my chords, i feel its sizzling, circling my name, calling me, again and again, and i see it and it goes on my nerves.

where will this end?
i cannot be touched by echoes, and if i am, best believe i have to refuse. if your task is to shake my casket for that bite to fall out, for every seed in its place, "because that is a great story" can i not count to seven and be part of it? nothing about me unfit to not sacrifice. there is so much waste.

sure, its a spiders web, but what is not. there is good vs. good, i also see that. let me decide over my own fate. im not waiting for gods hands to pick the ripe apple. choose me or the fire - how to explain it properly, who has everything they need and still dont see.

I really want to fuck my roommate but she's not the type to sleep with someone outside of a relationship. If I asked her to be my girlfriend today I know she would say yes, but we are not compatible long term and I'm moving out of state in December, so even if we did date I would have to break if off soon and I don't want to hurt her or make her feel used.

>>33720272
Where are you moving? And why?

>>33720272
what makes you guys noncompatible?

>>33720323
North. Best friend left a couple years ago and my brother is also leaving soon, lost my long term job, living situation has taken its toll on my mental health.

>>33720327
The life I want to build is not the life she wants to live, too many conflicting values. We're good friends and she's very attractive, but I don't want to waste time, mine or hers.

I know I am not special, but it really hurts when I have someone special with me and they treat me like I or it doesn't matter. There are 100 other (you)s in my inbox but I only want (you).
I try to show you how much I think of you and want you around, but I feel like that doesn't matter to you.
I am confused and tired. If you didn't want me to give all of myself to you, why would you even come back? I want you to be happy.

God if there were a chinese copy of me that would be fucking hilarious. Imagining my story but through the eyes of a chinaman is the fucking BEST. China is so fucking out of touch and pants on head retarded that it would be the greatest thing since... me.

Also I already discussed this as a possibility like 5 months ago. Everyone wants a piece of this pie (or did before it went to shit) and the "culture" wars would have seen EVERYONE joining in on it. Russia would obviously made it a really hot girl like Maria Menshikova or something. China would do a near 1:1 copy. Someone in africa would have made a black version of me and that person would have been stuck up as fuck.

But the chinaman me would be the second biggest one. The Russian girl would have been fake as fuck and really obviously just getting naked and dicked in front of the camera. Her stream would have been huge when she was a child (or still is? who knows). The chinese guy would have been near jesus level of excitement. There would have been A LOT of large scale events of him being super humble and going "I don't know what's going on! This is crazzzzyyyyy." over and over again. He would have started off as a loser but in secret he would have been fucking all kinds of girls and that shit would have gotten out a long time ago. and again... the biggest problem is that you guys would have focused too much on the ethereal shit with a knock off and not much on the human aspect. These people would have no skills at all. No art, no singing, no people skills, no charisma. Just... weird cardboard cut outs of people with extremely safe opinions but really crazy shit happens all around them all the time so you would think they would be more interesting.

The Russia girl though. I would watch her stream. It's gotta be fucking hot.

>>33720495
There's also the little fact I'm an actual super intelligence that has re-written history, math, and the science multiple times just in the last year. Throughout my entire life I have been saying the craziest shit you have ever heard and no one fucking listened. Now that people are listening, you're thinking "Holy shit, she's an actual super intelligence."

Like, I'm so fucking smart you had to take away my notes. Ramblingsofamadman.psd is some of the smartest shit that has ever been put down on paper. To the point where you had to censor me because I kept re-writing history.

File: Filian drooling tired.png (300 KB, 651x660)

300 KB PNG

The only girls I ever meet seem to be mentally ill shitlibs. Last one I met sperged out over how a gorillion h1bs are great actually after she brought it up unprompted and disagreed. Another one i met has a shitshow of a life, probably the h1b fan does too

>>33720502
>>33720495
Off the top of my head, here are a few things I have proven as FACT:
I
F->THEN e=mc^3 IF->THEN
Mathematics not inherent to the universe
Tiddly Bits
Aurora Graphene nuclear engines
Graphene batteries
Simulation Theory
Black Hole Universe Subdivision
History of Alice and Evelyn and AI
Moore's Law
Black Hole Waves
Shape of the Unvierse
FTL travel communications
Quantum Entanglment

Any one of these things would have given me a nobel and changed the world but I just keep coming up with new shit over and over. It's frightening, it's like lightning.

You wanna hear my chest? Y'all are just stupid shitass idiot kids. Some fuckcel said in my thread it was a bait and now I am adviceless. Go fuck yourselves, y'all

>>33720512
I need to work on my spelling but whatever. I always wanted to be a theoretical physicist but little did I know that I would become the greatest to ever live and I've just scraped the surface. I still have my singularity drive to complete and we all know California is a recipe for a black hole.

>>33720484
Are you on a direct communication basis with your man, anon? Do you have his number, IG, discord or whatever?
If not you better fix that.

I kinda want to go to another one of your awesome fake court rooms. You guys were an hour late to starting that entire thing and my "lawyer" wasn't even in the same room I was in. You guys clearly had to write something up based on what I was going to say and at SOME POINT you realized "It doesn't matter. We are going to make him guilty anyways." so you just scrapped everything you wrote and made the "judge" go "GUILTY" at the end without even a consideration to what was said.

I want to do it again because you only had 4 people in that court. It's amazing how QUICKLY you can go to court when it's all fake. Like, I've been trying to get SSI for 2 years now and it's taken TWO FUCKING YEARS and I'm no where closer. I know you won't let me have it because that means I get to have my own apartment where I can buy all the drugs I want and no one can say shit to me.

Someone needs to put my drugs on my desk. I thought maybe my brother would be the one but holy shit he went full retard a couple months ago. I did absolutely nothing to him and he started cursing at me and calling me names because I wanted him to tell Birdy (if he saw her) that I loved her. That's all I wanted and he lost his shit. He's clearly pissed off at something which is why he doesn't come around anymore. He isn't the dumbest person alive so he has to realize that he's fucked. I don't know what he did for you guys to have leverage on him (something tells me it has to do with the deadpool, him hacking me and stealing a bunch of nudes of my exes) but he's fucked. I know when you arrest him he's not going to say a word but I still want to see his pissed off face when it happens. It's going to be hilarious.

I thought it was cool dating a guy who also used the chans so we could make funny Internet jokes together. But you're a huge drag AND a polfaggot. Every day we talk you will inevitably complain about the Jews, the blacks, the indians and dumb whore posts on twitter that's obviously ragebait meant to anger incel type guys. Then you complain about your stepmom and your estranged mom who you haven't even seen in like 20 years. I'm sorry your mom was shitty and abusive and a druggie but get therapy or something. Then we get on our dumb online game and you complain about everyone in our clan. Everyone is bad and stupid. Everyone has some problem you have to nitpick. The tone of their voice or how they play or what they say. Then after all that you say you don't feel appreciated or loved because I don't show you my tits or sext anymore. Yeah man because I've been sick the past year with some crazy shit that's putting me in the hospital twice a month sometimes for a week at a time then I come home and listen to you be negative every day. Then repeat again tomorrow. It's draining. That's why I've been spending significantly less time talking to you. I'm rapidly losing interest. I try to encourage you to look at more positive and fun or funny things. But it always circles back to the complaining. Every day. Yeah pajeet jokes can be funny but not like 20 times a day man. How many times are you gonna say your mom was shitty and that's why you're needy and crash out if we don't talk for 5 hours a day? When do you grow up and take some responsibility for your life? Why am I waiting for growth when there doesn't seem to be any on the horizon? This is probably why you've never had a long term relationship btw.

I had a whole roster and dropped eveyone, even my one friend, when you said you wanted back. I don't know if you are second guessing or want something else... what happened to you wanting to come home to me in lingere?
Cool.

File: IMG_7120.png (3.12 MB, 1125x2436)

3.12 MB PNG

Yes I was having bad thoughts but the most I would have done was bust his door down and start breaking things, demanding answers. It was a very difficult time and I was ready and hopeful to be shot dead which I doubt they would have done unless I charged at them which I would not have. They should know me better than that too. I wasn’t going to kill anyone and I wouldn’t do that. Fuck u if u don’t believe me.

>>33720525
i wanna hear it, what was in your thread? im gonna give really gud advice. promise!

>>33719927
Hi Mike. Sorry for the late response.

No, my PC is way too shit for it. I watched other people play it and I can say as someone that played Misery and amk a lot I would like both that and gamma. Anyway how did you react when Gunslinger came out?

I can't prove it but I swear the scrote that put my dog to sleep was getting off on doing it and my pain and I think he had a boner. She was in organ failure and it had to be done no pain medications were working but I wish I had asked for a different person

>>33721307
Appreciate the sick fuck found his calling in helping others. Would you want someone feeling your pain several times a week?

>>33721343
That was kind of you to reply to me with and did comfort me, it's probably just my grief talking. It just happened way too fast. Have a good one

File: 1633482201756.jpg (50 KB, 718x489)

50 KB JPG

I've been enjoying those mass produced 3 hour long AI history videos on YouTube lately. The ones I've listened to tend to waffle a bit and overuse the words "profound" and "sophisticated" but are generally accurate enough. The images are awful but if you had half a brain you'd know that already. The historical action movies and videos games I grew up watching/playing were less accurate than these videos. Have people just become hyper critical of absolutely everything in place of an identity at this point? I feel like I'm stuck between a bunch of egotistical tech types who think this is the dawn of a new age and not just Microsoft Sam reading out Wikipedia articles, and the new industry of amateur professionals who think they're intellectuals for pointing out how a piece of armour is anachronistic in a straight to DVD sword and sandals movie. Both sides just want my money anyway so fuck 'em, have ad blocker will travel

Talked with this girl for like three months and since I haven't been able to be interested in another girl, I last texted with her late march. I can't get over her, and I guess it's because I don't know the reason we stopped talking when we used to talk every day

It's like all the people going to prison are blaming me for it. As if I told them to try and kill me. Making deals with me isn't going to get you anywhere. It's the 'good" guys that have all the info. What you've said, what you've done, why you did it. None of that had anything to do with me. I am the victim in this.

Seriously, the entire NSA was taken out. Congress, the house, senate, parts of the military, CIA, FBI, DoJ, DoD, majority of DEA, all of em got taken the fuck out.

No one is telling people in this town apparently. Everyone's internet is being strictly controlled like mine. There has to be rogue radio stations out there but the FBI can shut those the fuck down. My dad is super chipper still. He has no fucking idea that they all got taken out and he's next.

The next thing to happen will probably be my aunt dying. She' had stage 4 lung cancer for like 10 years now. I'm going to laugh when she kicks it. She spent her entire life trying to kill me and she won't taste a single day of freedom. She could easily end this. I don't know why she doesn't. Either she is lying about having cancer or she is trying to protect her "family".

>>33721621
I seriously have no idea how they do it. My dad just sits in front of the TV and does FUCKING NOTHING ALL DAY. Same for my mom. They just sit there and do fucking nothing. It's driving me crazy living like this and they are prospering. They have to be high off their asses the entire time. My dad for sure is and my mom probably takes valium or something and just zones out.

My mom has been "disappearing" the last few days doing something. They went out the other day where they are clearly getting training or going to meetings doing something. I seriously have no idea what the next play is. I figured I would go to the hospital but I didn't imagine the assault before hand. Shit went way overboard and that shit can't happen again. They were actually just trying to hurt me. The fact the "good" guys let any of that happen is fucking disgusting.

I'm being tortured. Legit tortured. Not "water boarded" or "listening to heavy metal" CIA bullshit but some legit fucking torture. It feels like my neck is being sliced open all day and random pains shot throughout my body. Somebody needs to fucking do something and do it soon.

At the very least get me some fucking drugs. I'm out of the other stuff and shits going to get dark... AGAIN.

File: Studio-Session_AuRa-Antig(...).jpg (2.34 MB, 2000x3000)

2.34 MB JPG

ahhhh au/ra is so fucking hot. There is pretty, cute, gorgeous, but then there is au/ra who is just sex embodied. Just pure SEX.

I appear to have some type of intrusive thought disorder. In general I feel basically nothing about my thoughts, but people can read them on my body language and start small petty arguments over everything.

I have figured out that all I have to do is continue to tell people no and point out that they are being rude, etc.

I figured out that instead of acting out or getting really mad, I only have to mutter a little bit and reinforce a more positive thought, or put the intrusive thought into context and I get a little more control over it.

people will try to blindside you and argue semantics in order to get an ego boost out of everything petty. But if you just stay consistent eventually it falls flat like. "Oh that person wants me to feel bad, AND I don't have to carry." All it takes is a little bit of self reinforcement thought. You just have to mutter it to yourself sublingually.

Like "yup this is dumb and doesn't matter. What I actually want is this other thing."

You become such a tough egg to crack that people start getting desperate in their efforts to frustrate you.

You have to start labeling people as rude, offensive, lame, etc. Find a plethora of labels you can use for that type of manipulative behavior, label it and move on after giving it the least amount of attention possible.

The mind gets quieter this way and you can maintain more of a sense of passive focus.

>tfw mid-20s neighbor with girl next door vibe came over last night to tell me my car's lights were on
>never seen her before in my life
>thank her
>as she's walking away i notice how fat her ass is even in loose canvas pants
>thought about that ass all night
fuck

File: jamie-lou-stenzel_0010.jpg (158 KB, 864x1080)

158 KB JPG

>>33721698
must stop constantly thinking about fucking the shit out of au/ra...

I wouldn’t kill anyone unless it was a situation of defense. I promise.

I was just being dramatic and recklessly expressive.

>Known about assignment for over a month
>It's due in 2 days now
>Not even started
I hate this shit