Hey guys, maybe you can help me.I have MS, ADHD, BPD. Sadistic tendencies, chronic pain. My siblings and I grew up in your average white trash household with some unplesant shit happening there. I had to take care of one of my sibs who hasn't recovered fully to this day. Anyway I usually don't care about men as I do not want kids but sometimes I feel lonely. And it hurts. I don't even have friends, just colleagues. I wish I had people around who'd share my passion for true crime, cannibals, taxidermy, morgues or horror books and movies. And opulent parties with jazz or swing or classical music. But there is nobody like that. Like where do you folks meet? Online guys interested in me I met were pretty much scaredy cats or emotional parasites with depression. I want real, meaty people around. Not online ghosts anymore.
>>33720450The first couple of lines tells me this is yet another troll/bait/larping thread, and I won't read it. Fuck off and die, you parasite.
>>33720464It isn't a bait. Also, die, you piece of shit. I am not some fucking joke. Anybody here willing to actually discuss this with me?
Chat gpt advices me fb groups. Maybe that is a way to go
It's actually pretty difficult to meet exactly what you might want, but you can go to social events/meetups and put out some feelers. Where is your general location, OP?
>>33720537Central Europe. But I wish to visit France, Britain, New Orelans and Svalbard, also Baltic Sea... once I am not so friggin poor :D
>>33720537Thank you for actual response, btw. It's just that I always see groups of people in television. But I have no group to belong to. All my friends are just acquitances from work who like to sit and drink. I don't drink, had to quit. And even when I could, sitting in a pub is boring.
You need to go to meetups. If there isn't one start one in your city.Find your local punk or metal or alternative scene, and go to that
>>33720558>>33720565You're an ocean away, so I can't help you much, but this is what I did. I found a niche hobby and started a social group based around it. You can also see if one already exisits. From there I put out bits of my personality until I found more likeminded people in it. And then voila, friends. I've been friends with some of them for over a decade. If the group you get into at first has no bites, just repeat the process with a different niche. I've done it twice now.
>>33720537You know, my only close friends are an anorectic addicted to kratom that lives 400 km south and an old overlysensitive lady that I talked out of suicide. But talking to them tires me out
>>33720572Thank you very much! I love jazz and swing, horror novels, sewing, taxidermy, black humour and desperately suck on coding which I want to learn for ethical hacking. I never thought about creating a group. You are right. I need to attract like minded people not hunt for them!
>>33720568Yes, I need to start one! Thank you, kind anon!
>>33720450Pick any of those topics (crime, taxidermy, jazz, etc) and google "jazz fans [your city]" There may well be an organized club of people who share your interest. Don't expect to find all of those interests in one person, but what's wrong with having a jazz friend, a cannibalism friend, etc?
>>33720591You're welcome. I wish you all the best, young anon.Watch this:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gne5QBkyZIAnd the rest of his channel.https://www.youtube.com/@NewelOfKnowledge--------------------------In addition to the scenes mentioned, you might want to look into your local kink scene. That has the sort of people you are looking for. However, as a young woman with mental health issues, be careful, as you will be popular to predators who love vulnerable young women. This is just a fact.Also, as you are from central Europe, I would encourage you to travel to Berlin to see what the scene is like there.It is really important for you to start finding your people in the real world. They are out there, and they look forward to meeting you. You have a spark inside and you have to nurture it so it grows into a flame
>>33720450It may be hard for you to find someone with all of your interests, just like it would be for anyone else. So I would recommend focusing on your interests as individual rather than trying to find people who meet most of what you're interested in. You enjoy jazz and classical music, look into local cafes and shops that have music night and go visit. I'm sure there's book clubs around you, see if you can find one that targets horror or true crime reading. Maybe you can join a reading group and even recommend the genre yourself after you've made yourself comfortable. Eventually maybe even start your own horror book club. The local library would definitely have something related to events and book clubs as well, check out their listings. Local events targeted to your interests would be a great way to try and meet people. And as you meet them, you can try introducing your other interests to them and feel it out.
Thank you very much guys for nice comments. I will definitely try find people through niche. Somebody mentioned kinky people. I tried fetlife several times but the people there were way too heavy on sex for my liking. I am, despite everything, a romantic person. Yeah, in the end, maybe I will stay single for life but that's okay as long as I have at least some enjoyable company. Living behind a professional society-friendly mask tp appear 'normal' is like being stranded. I don't want to live like that any longer.
>>33720450sounds like the perfect girl
>>33720558why svalbard? ain't much there but I guess it's pretty
>>33720450>30 yo femcel here
>>33721579There is this abandoned town named Pyramiden and it reminds me of Silent Hill so much
>>33721587Why doubt? I always wanted the first time to be out of love. And love didn't come.
>>33720450
>>33721696Because most of the time when women say that it's usually not true. They seem to think femcel means having an unfulfilled love life, so we have sexually active self proclaimed "femcels" who are stuck with boyfriends they don't quite like.But now you said that and I can see how it is at least possible. And I realize I'm a hypocritical fakecel policing the meaning of words, when I also wanted to have my "true first time" with someone I loved and delusions like these of yours. But my cope was due to extremely premature initiation of sex life making me have these childish worldviews
>>33720450People won't meet you so you can kill them and put their organs in jars sorry bitch.
>>33720450you asked for things likely to be in conflict.Real, meaty people tend to not have to or willing to put up with people who behave in antisocial ways they don't like. Which is what you described yourself in context as...>>33721696>Why doubt?because the 'cel' part is derived from celibate, and the 'in' part that belongs where the 'fem' part is involuntary, so fem is placeholding both female and the original term.And OPs description amounted not to a lamenting of being unable to fulfill a sexual encounter. It just described typical singles complaints about being single.
>>33721890I don't care if it's a childish worldview, it doesn't work for me if its not love. Like I cannot imagine sleeping with someone O just met just cause he's supposed to be 'hot' or something. I am attracted to personalities. And then I need to trust that person. I am a sadistic bpd, after all. Though the disorder is quiet most of the time, I don't want to provoke it. I don't get why so many bpds are promiscuous though. I would probably ended up hospitalized in case of a breakup.
>>33722393I don't understand what the hell are you talking about here, nerd. I am a virgin.
>>33722393You're just a stupid fuck ass troll, aren't you. Well fuck off. There are plenty of people who do not mind people like me.
It's too bad you're Eur*pean OP. I'd totally do murders with you.
>>33722465you came to the wrong place if you wanted sugarcoating. don't you know where you are?And 'not minding' people like you is not the same as wanting to form a romantic and/or sexual bond with people like you. Your saying of it like that is basically a form of self deception, and you know it otherwise you wouldn't feel the need to equivocate. It has nothing to do with your interests, and it wasn't a statement about your character.But keep shooting the messenger for all the good it will do you.
>>33722445>I am attracted to personalities.Me too and I don't need to "love" them for it. You can get close to people you appreciate without "loving" them deeply and dramatically
>>33722718My brother in Christ, I applaud your effort, but you are wasting your time. This is nothing more than a fundamentally broken wannabe thot. Nothing can be gained from engaging with her in any way, shape or form. Unless you sell cats, in that case, go hog-wild.
>>33720472>I am not some fucking joke.Then why am i laughing?
>>33722499Lol anon you flatter me
>>33722718Well I came for an advice. I got an advice. You're the one who seem to have a problem with it. Why?
>>33722756Who cares about you, dick. This is my thread.
>>33722850Well I don't know, probably because you're retarded
>>33722827Brother in Christ, how come others gave me advice on how to make friends and you didn't? Is that cause you don't have any friends, you piece of tumor
Anyway, it's was an enjoyable discussion. And I thank kindly to the gentlemen who actually took me seriously.
>>33723170I was obviously trying to make a point, this is not about me. YOU can feel attracted to people's personalities and still not be romantically in love.
>>33720450I would literally never stop trying to impregnate you. Every day I would wake you up by cumming in you and every night I would cum in you right before going to sleep, which I would do with my dick stuck inside you. I would take some viagra before bed just to maintain my erection so that you'll be ready in the morning when I thrust into you like an animal and slather you in kisses. Part of our wedding vows would be to have as many children as physically possible. I wouldn't even care if you are already pregnant, I'll fuck you while you're pregnant and you'll get double pregnant. I'll fill you with so much cum every day that you'll look pregnant even when you aren't (which you'll never be after we're married) I would do everything in my power to make you as fertile as possible. I'd give you fertility drugs, I'd give you uterus massages, breast massages, I wouldn't let you go 5 hours without at least one spastic orgasm. I'll even bake you home made lactation inducing biscuits to help you get to a point of hyperlactation syndrome so that you'll be seeping out multiple quarts of milk per day. Which I will save and drink just so that I can tell you how delicious it is. I'll make you so fertile that triplets will be the minimum number you'll be carrying at any given time. I would literally never stop doting on you, I would respond to you every beck and call and I would cum inside you again each time you ask for something. You would be so pregnant all the time that you would literally not be able to stand up straight. Your spine would be permanently bent out of shape to accommodate a pregnant belly. Even after you can't get pregnant anymore I would just keep putting more eggs into you. I would clone you purely so that I can put fresh eggs from the clone inside you after you run out of them. You would have so much progesterone running through your veins at any given time that even the thought of not being pregnant would seem alien to you.
>>33723187nice try ranjeet "femcel" davis you will never be a woman
>>33723665
>>33723854The hell you are talking about, idiot. Rajeet? Can't you hack my location or something, NEET? I used to think 4chaners were somewhat skilled in this shit
>>33723522What is that point trying to prove, dude
>>33720450"I'm a lonely 30 year old BPDemon with a plethora of mental and physical health issues but I'm just too good for a guy with depression" Womp womp.
>>33724022Yes, pretty much. I am no therapist, dude. Give me an antisocial or a schizoid or a bpd or a schizophrenic or bipolar but no depressed folks ever again, I've had enough.
>>33724022Like depressed folks to me seem like literally the embodiment of bpd chronic emptiness. Just being near them makes me want to die out of total boredom. Or maybe I just had some bad luck. But I don't think so.
>>33724022Pretty sure you got depression, anon. See how you replied to my thread? No jokes, not even attacks, just trying to make me feel pity for the depressed. Well, no. Fuck you.
Do you have tits? I love tits.
K, so I went to deepseek and asked about depressed folks and it told me that there are many people who have depression without the need for constant pity. If any of you is that kind of depressed person, please, do not take my thread personally, I was generalizing.
>>33724316I bet you have bigger tits than I do, neet
>>33724345At best I have A cups.
>>33720450You aren't a femcel if you BPD.I can't stand you semen demons.You wreck men's lives with your shitty illness.
>>33720450Obscure hobby forums where you can meet and rapport with someone. They are dying, but they exist. You'll find someone probably just as lonely as you with the same interests.
>>33724504Yadda yadda. Go cry in the corner, bitch. No bpd can't ruin your life unless it's a whore ass mother of yours. Who takes drugs or something. Don't blame illness for human immorality.
>>33724661Yes, thank you very much for your kind comment!
>>33724834Can*Typos sorry, I worked night shift and it is showing.
>>33724383Based
>>33723891>YOU can feel attracted to people's personalities and still not be romantically in love.You don't need to wait for the love of your life
>>33720450>my passion for [...] cannibals>real, meaty peopleI know what you are...
>>33720450In the past I went to forums (german region, specific interests or health issues) and then over time there have been meet ups. But in the last decade those kinda vanished, and now you maybe have to use discords or reddit, I don't know if that's good though both seem shitty for meet ups. Are you good at socializing? I takes effort to socialize and find those people, and you have to deal with simps obviously. I kinda gave up, but I also suck at being social anyway. Do you like tcoaal btw?
>>33725308Yeah these forums are in slovakia and cz too. Pretty much dead though. Fb groups are more active. Discord is full of kids. Reddit is kinda too anonymous for socializing. Or maybe that's just how I feel. I am good at socializing. But the people I met online so far were always pretty weird and once you meet with them is hard to get rid of them. Overly attached I'd say. And forced. So I'd prefer some regular meetups where people just chill without the instant need to form close friendships. But it is true that I mostly visited sites for troubled individuals and not for folks who have life and hobbies.
>>33724263>I've had enough.so not a femcel
>>33725308So thinking about this, my online friendships were a catastrophe because I attracted what I was years ago and stuck with it. But despite everything, I want to he happy now. I want to have fun. No more suicide people, no more patiens, just fun times. I do not now tcoaal, my dear
>>33725880You see, I would spend a lot of time chatting with people online, just like I am doing now, stupid.
>>33725885So you have not met with anybody and yet think you know them just due to internet personas? You're the one getting killed not the killer, I'm afraid
>>33725932Well usually when is somebody pain in the ass online they are no difference irl. I met four times with folks online. Three times it was dates with guys cause I was brainwashed by hookup culture into thinking that a being single and not having sex means I am a loser. Well I just felt dirty even spending time by chatting regarding the issue. So I decided I'd rather he a loser for life than doing something I would hate just to look cool. And one time I met with a lady who wanted to kill herself cause I was bored and that lady was nice, it would be a shame for her to end her life.
>>33725854I guess fb is what you have, or other site like meetup. Meeting people over mental illness sites tends to have those risks with overly attached people like r9k or soc. Are you in a bigger city? There should be more casual meetups possible. Also like the other anon wrote >>33720572 if you create those groups yourself then people will come. Most of them are like you, but are too passive to start such things yet would be eager to join once an opportunity exists.
>>33720450>Hey guys, maybe you can help me.lose weight.
>>33726002>So I decided I'd rather he a loser for life than doing something I would hate just to look cool.I think you lack the appropriate frame of mind towards socializing hence the failures, you might hate some of those interactions but you sound like you don't have necessary social skills
Damn sorry to hear tha->BPDNvm, please stay away from men thx.
>>33720558>Central EuropeSo a Polack?
>>33726035Oh please, why would I when they are just so tasty
>>33726015Yes, that's what I will do. Once my work week is over. Need some calm and peace to think.
>>33726015Thanks by the way! I forgot to thank you, kind anon
>>33726022What? I don't want to sleep with people to socialize, I want only sleep with my husband if there ever will be any.
>>33720450women with BPD are hot
>>33720450I know somewone who ticks off half the boxes you mention, with a huge likelyhood of mixed/BPD. I can confirm this will be hard. Good news: it does not have to be impossible. She and I are just friends but we meet now and then to satisfy a minimum of being social. That does not include sex, she finds me way too ugly for that.If I guess correctly, you lay everything on the table at once when you meet someone. Try not to do that, focus on a narrower sector. Your taste for music is most likely where ytou can find somneone who shares up to half of your tastes. Don't expect a 100 percent match. And my friend also reports her dates are like scaredy cats, most likely because she comes in like nuclear carpet bombing.
>>33729260stop being an emotional tampon and a cuck, wtf is wrong with modern men?>>33726894troll, nobody likes bpds, if they do then they havent dated one yet
>>33726481see? you don't want to meet people, you just wish for the perfect man to appear (he won't)
>>33729293>modern men?I hardly represent all modern men, I just have the hopefully unique experience of being thrown out by a dating consultant for being too ugly. I have made peace with my lot and find social opportunities where they are. Meanwhile, wife beaters never run out of wives to beat.
Wow you guys surely want to keep this thread living
>>33729625Well that was a stupid consultant. OP here. I was attracted a hunched guy with almost no teeth, to homeless man, to a prisoner crackhead and to a dickless ftm guy who wore long hair and pretty much looked like a woman. And I was able to see in these all very handsome MEN and got head over heels for them. It didn't work out because they rejected me/pissed me off. It's about charisma, anon. Women are not men. We do not suffer from testosterone mental impairment so we are usually not so visual when it comes to romance. It's an old saying I think - Man falls in love through his yes, woman through her ears. Of couse some women out there are superficial but that must be some brain damage. Regular woman is not really visual.
>>33723863>4chanersokay ranjeet. you won't be a woman, and you don't have bpd, you're just indian
>>33731034Lol nah
>>33729439Not really. For about a month or two I've been trying to get this guy out, he's a 39 yo virgin with so much personality and I met him on a forum. I didn't know what he looks like, now that I finally got his fb I kinda now but I wouldn't care if he was ugly as Satan's anus. Actually I'd prefer if he was ugly because he wouldn't run away easy. Ha! He would be so totally mine. And guess what, he sent me a pic of some girl he met back in college stating she is prettier than 99% girls and I don't look like her and friendzoned me.Well he is still an interesting persona so I kind of still low key crush him but idk dudes I am just done with socializing online
>>33731538* take lol
>>33720450Go watch horror movies at the theater and hope to find someone.
>>33731498sure
>>33720450>I'm a 30 year old "femcel" with a plethora of issues but I'm still too good for a guy with depression
>>33733357Depression fucks are too easy to break. I like at least a minimum challenge
>>33733555okay ranjeet first redeem the card, then talk about breaking depressed guys
>>33720450lol I know like 20 women who are just like you, into weird 'horror' gobbledygook and creepy bone collector shit.They're all whores, you must just be ugly or too picky.Either way, either fix your shit or settle for a depressed and desperate doormat.You can't be both creepy and ugly, pick your battles.
>>33733572I really doubt you personally know 20 women dude :D>You can't be both creepy and ugly, pick your battles.Why not?
>>33733571I already posted my photo you lil trollshit
>>33733693I've fucked over 80, dude. :Dle horror girls are a diamond dozen, every cunt with a septum piercing or a larger tattoo is just like you, only pretty (as much as whore accessories allow, that is)
>>33733703So you are a whore yourself yet you tell me that I am like your promiscuous little friends who treat horrors as an accessory to their disgusting septums and tattoos. Well you are most likely a drughead. Do not confuse me for something regular in your social bubble, scum
>>33733697>I already posted my photo you lil trollshitranjeet, this isn't a call center, just admit it. you're indian. we already know.
>>33733731Okay this is so stupid it's starting to get funny. How are you anon, btw?
>>33733735I'm okay, Ranjeet, but it won't distract from the fact you're Indian. How's New Delhi? Do they pay you to demoralize people here?
>>33733728if you were worth anything you'd already be either super promiscuous or married with children, especially seeing how your foid life was on easy mode all along. Women, especially attractive ones have no option C.You're either fat, gross, or a major autist.So yeah, kick rocks and don't patronize sex havers of higher social status, loser.
>>33733749Glad to hear you're okay. I am relaxing after 12hours graveyard shifts lmao
>>33733788My goal in life is to bath in riches not in STDs from smelly potheads. I don't give a fuck about having kids. You done?
>>33733825you'll never be rich and the fact that you don't think about kids is very telling.Start an OF ir some shit. Might help.Lose the lesbian hairdo and the school shooter coat for starters
>>33733865> lesbian hairdo and the school shooter coatOh you flatter me, sir
>>33733810Ranjeet, do you work at a sweatshop? Get a shower. The party got you working overtime to demoralize us, is it? AI stands for all Indians after all, but nice try.
>>33731498>>33733810GIRL YOU LOOK NASTY
>>33733880Yo dude if you can make photos like this with AI, make me look like the nurse from silent hill
>>33731538fair enough, may I ask what made his personality stand out that much?
>>33733893What does that mean? I do shower bitch. Though I look terrible today, well who wouldn't after 12hours night shifts of machine work in a dirty factory
>>33733916YOU LOOK LIKE A MONKEY
>>33733934I... kind of see where you're coming from.
>>33733934I see it
>>33733913He would be regularly my opponent in discussions while also somewhat caring about my well being when I'd deal with a difficult situation. It created something like the enemies to lovers trope irl, in our case enemies to friends dynamics. He is so composed and polite and yet I would drive him so angry about stuff we disagree on. He also is very empathetic and tolerates my cuss words and anger with no need to make me more angry or take shit personally. He says he is a complicated personality and so he tends to understand complicated people. He is also absolutely honest and tough. You see, I grew up with narcs that would make their problems my problems. And socializing online I only met more people with problems who would just whine all the fucking time. And then there is this guy who openly says he feels like shit now and that he will send me an email about it later but now lets focus on our discussion about architecture [he loves architecture. I am not as into it as he is but he loves it so much it is a delight to learn stuff about buildings with him].He is just like... alive. And I love it about him.
>>33733934Post a monkey photo you have in mind for reference please. Omgosh if I look like a monkey that would make me look like Lupin III, my beloved anime dick
>>33733934Or Sun Wukong oh my gosh I love monkeyyyyys. Anon you made me so happy. I used to have this one as a wallpaper on my computer during the call center times
>>33733980He sounds genuine and smart enough, cool
>>33734019Yeah he's a darling and sweet to be around. We play an online game together. I'm going to leave this site now and give him some attention so don't think of me as being rude if I do not reply from now on. Bye
>>33734011>call centermaybe ranjeetanon was right
>>3372045029 year old khhv diagnosed autist reporting inJust don't dwell on it. When you feel lonely, accept it and let the feeling pass. Easy. That's what I do. And having hobbies and passions you can live for helps greatly also
>>33734011>call centerI should've known it had been an indian posting this shit since the start.
>>33734011bpd is just being spiritually indian. well, op, have you considered going to a hindu or buddhist temple? you'll probably feel at home.
hey guys op here this was a social experiment lol im actually 23 thanks for participating
>>33731498I am not going to lie i'm 100% sure this thread is bait but if i saw this in real life they say do not stick your dick in crazy but sometimes there are exceptions. BPD isnt real anyway so idc if i'd fuck an attention seeker like this>>33734142If you were actually 30 you'd honestly look great for your age. Good bait though it's been 130 posts
>>33734142Was also correct punctuation also part of your social experiment?
Jesus christ you idiots are really stupid to say the least. Perhaps you're mocking me and find my anger entertaining, whatever. I was born 1995
>>33734175I look average for my age when tired even older, it's not like a girl turns thirty and fucking gets old and dies
>>33734045Thank you, kind fella. I hope you don't feel lonely too often. I'm a kkhv too! Do not be worried my man. Or my woman. You're still very young, no matter what society says. I adore 40+ virgins and I am pretty sure many non-superficial women do too. I'd ask you out of this wasn't 4chan and I wasn't still too in love with that 39 yo fella of mine.
>>33720450>I have MS, ADHD, BPD. Sadistic tendencies, chronic pain.shuuuut theeee fuckkkk uppppp, every tard that doesn't want to work says the same shit, so over played.
>>33734317I work 12h shifts in a factory. I stated that fact repeatedly throughout the thread. I've listed my diagnoses and unlikable shit as an explanation for me being an incel.
>>33734277I'm pretty sure I won't ever have to worry myself about women. I don't see a point in torturing myself over it. Life just doesn't go how you plan it, and it's just something we all have to accept. The sooner you do that, the better. Do not feed desires you can't attain, and do not dwell on yearnings you can't fulfil. Remember thatI'm going to be 30 in about a year. I know I will die never knowing what emotional and physical intimacy feels like. But life could be much, much worse. Some people don't have arms or legs. I'm just grateful for what I have and am able to do. When you realise how good you have it, troubles like this seem minuscule. And if you don't have any arms or legs, well shit, i'm sorry I guess. Fuck
>>33734356my bad, I didn't read the replies. Fair play but I still don't believe you have ADHD, BPD, Sadistic tendencies. The MS and chronic pain are believable. The other shit are just figments of your imagination used to garner attention.
>>33734376Not really. I have to take Atomoxetine daily. If I don't, I cannot concetrate and behave almost like a bipolar during the manic phase. I got bpd diagnosed after several failed suicide attempts.
>>33734393Atomoxetine for the adhd, that is. Lexapro for BPD. Sadistic tendencies are stated for a year ago I was approached by a narc vegan abomination that couldn't get over the fact that I love carpaccio and bloody steak or whatever it is called and also hate rodents and watch live feeding videos on youtube for relax.
>>33734360Dude, 30 is when life really starts. You are truly an adult then. I like people without arms and legs btw. There is something so strong about them. Like they are the ultimate fighters. I wish I was smart enough to build robotic prothestetics for these folks.
>>33734393They try and tell me I am bipolar and have adhd but I don't believe any of it, all of those things are just mental, as in, in your own mind. Your mind is the only thing you have 100% control over even if it seems like you lack control, you are still the only one in control. This may sound insensitive regarding the whole suicide thing but how exactly do you fail several times, if I were to be so inclined I could do it in less than 2 or 3 minutes from my office chair. You don't have to respond to this but it seems the same as cutting wrists or legs etc, in the end it is just for attention. again sorry if this comes across like a asshole, I don't really know how to phrase it in any other way. I do want to add that you're actually quite cute and you should think more of yourself.> true crime, cannibals, taxidermy, morgues or horror books and movies. And opulent parties with jazz or swing or classical musicThis isn't as weird as you think nor would it or should it deter anyone that is above room temp IQ.I watch/read a ton of history mainly WW2, I own a taxidermy bird and fox. I read mostly non-fiction and watch too many movies to count amongst other things (These are things I can relate to you I guess) and I don't really have a problem with finding friends or women. I don't really like hanging out with people much IRL, I hang around with people if they are more interesting that just hanging out with myself which is a rare thing but it does happen and I do have a couple friends and women that I will go out with when we are both free.
>>33734443Your comment is quite interesting, anon. I would love to continue our conversation but my phone is dying. Later, I hope
>>33734555I will be lurking.
>>33734443I'm here. Well I wouldn't say that one's mind is something controlled easily if actually mentaly ill. The way you perceive it suggests that you are either misdiagnosed, highly functioning or totally delusional. Regarding my suicide attempts, I failed simply because it was child suicides. You see, my mother is bipolar with paranoid manias and has more than one personality disorder as I found out during our court. She was yelling and beating the shit out of me for things a regular human being wouldn't give a shit about such as spilling tea. She loved beating me when giving baths. Cutting my nails so it hurt. Scratching my scalp with nails when hair washing. Lying in my bed with me at night and beating me when I moved. She was just weird like that. She was also a big whore and projected that onto me even before me hitting puberty. She would be an okay but strict mother and suddenly change into this.. thing. Like werewolf. You never knew what caused the next outburst. Then she got impregnated by an alcoholic she found somewhere and he bullied me with her plus he would get aggressive when drunk and destroy the house etc. He would hate me then also fall in 'love' with me and all the guilt trip, the yelling, the bullying was so terrible that after some time I just kept trying to OD as a way out of that hell. I was not allowed to leave the house but for school, my documents and ID was locked for I was 'sick' and I believed all that. She would also drug me with her pills so that I would behave. I got sleep paralysis from that. Hallucinations, things touching me. My face was no longer mine. Yet I was born in a new form. By the age of 17 I was strong enough to kill them both if I wanted. My father feared me, I broke his arm. My mother developed multiple sclerosis and cancer and got weaker and weaker. I would beat the shit out of her just for denying me cigaretttes. Dammit comment too long?
Ok fuck it, which country?
>>33735280I got a little carried away but I will finish my story now, that I started. >Well yeah, so my mother gets pretty weak>Stepfather idiotically admitts to her that he wants to sleep with us both>she banishes him away>she wants him back and starts stalking him> he wants to come back> I forbid him to come back and threaten them both> she continues to stalk him and one day he beats the shit out of her and she finally divorces him> she hates me now saying that it is all my fault> I am having these emotional pains that come and go and hurt like an electric needle in brain> I didn't mention younger siblings, they are still kids and I beat the shit out of them as well. Usually on mother's command because when she herself gets up, the kids might not be able to take it> her self control is worse and worse> thinks our electrician put a microphone in our lightswitch so that he can listen to us> she still beats me up over nonsense such as wifi not working. I start fantasizing about stabbing her. My younger brother and I beat up each other for fun. > I fuck up graduation and realize that if I run away I will be killed by guilt for some reason. I was just weak like that. >I throw a radio in a bathtub. With me in, obviously. > radio is Phillips and can float while buzzing > I am angry but have pizza the same day> after few weeks mother gets her rage again and at that point I have to control myself so that I do not stab her and fire up the place. So I turn and ran to the bathroom and try to kill myself with a blowdryer in the bathtub. > mother is angry that I destroyed our blowdryer and tells me to go away and kill myself outside> I go to the forest and sleep but can't because bugs crawl on me> realize I have nowhere to go and head back> back home my mother tells me she doesn't want me there > policeman arrives and she completely changes her personality and cries and acts as a regular mother would> the policeman tells me I cannot behave like this
>>33731498W A R S Z A W AARSZAWA
>>33735280Sounds like a fucked childhood ngl but you also sound fucked up, did you not have access to any recording devices? easier said than done but you could have done something, do you live in Romania?
>>33735348And so I get away from home, finally. > I get hospitalized but the doctors do not understand what is wrong with me as I am smiling the whole time there, treating it like a holiday> gramps and grandma arrive and tells me I'm gonna live with them now> mother takes step father back> they are a happy family now that I am gone> gramps and grandma take good care of me but are very strict and controlling. I guess I can see why mother would lose her mind. > I get crazy instead of getting better. Doctors give me pills that make feel terrible. I just don't take it. > Cannot stand my face as it is not mine and feel like it is something else alive staring back at me> hide all the mirrors> thanks to grandma and granpa and understanding teachers I finally graduate> and have to go working in retail. Grandma decided so. > I hate working in retail and want to die, develop bulimia so that I am weak and do not hurt anyone> I also sometime drink so much I poison myself. Made grandpa cry.> doctor gives me Risperidon. I want to set my retail workplace on fire with it. So I stop taking it. > my psych gets pregnant and I get a new doctor> he looks at my medication and says my previous doctor most likely thought I was bipolar. New doctor gives me atomoxetine. > finally I feel normal> bulimia is gone> I attend new job and this time I am not such a maniac> grandparents give me a flat. I forgot to mention they used to be rich> brother sends me an SMS> mother kicked me out, call me. > turns out mother found herself a new man that bullies my brother> step father lives in an electricityless cottage and my brother lives there too> step father almost got imprisoned because he tried to slice throat of one of mothers lovers and later fought with 6 policemen> their fridge is like a literal hole in the ground> I take my brother to my grandparents and tell them the situation> SURPRISE> they hate my brother for he is son of his father which they despise
also I'm trans ftm
>>33735417> I have a bpd rage and everyone gets scared including my brother> I calm down and start working with child protection services> psych confirms I can take care of my brother> gramps and grandma try to sabotage taking care of my brother> I am ready to give them their gift flat back and start a new life with my brother cause I do not want him to end up crazy like me> they give in, I win the court and my brother can now live in the flatSwitch to my personal life - at that time I was 24-25 and madly in love with a year older colleague. I was friendzoned and totally obsessed with him for 2 years now. Around this time COVID hits. I still live with grandparents and do not fucking want to as they treat me like a little kid. After many fights I get to live with my brother in the flat. We do not get along. He loves his father dearly. Doesn't care our sister is still at that cursed house with our crazy ass mother. I get rejected by that guy I loved and enter depression. My brother is there for me though. I tell him I want to leave the fucking city for good. He encourages me to do it. But I am worried what will be with grandpa and grandma? He's like they are not gonna die just because I live in a different city. And so I moved. In secret, at first.I was 25 and didn't know how to travel in train. I have like never been anywhere.And so I moved 400 km north
>>33735426I used to think so for some time due to the early sexualization trauma done by my parents
>>33720450I’m isolated in my cave and don’t make eye contact unless absolute necessary.You can drop a discord though
>>33720450I'm definitely not a scaredy cat and I don't think I'm an emotional parasiteYou sound pretty cool from this post, I'd like to at least try being friends, but I'm open to more as well
>>33735460Well anyway> I live in the new city now> I am in love with the new sights> get a job in a call center> because of the adhd thing I do stupid mistakes and fail to concentrate on what the customer is saying> because of that I work more to compensate> end up working almost all the time and going to work even though boss sends me home regularly> full blown workoholism makes me concentrate even less> I feel weaker and weaker> my hands her and I cannot stand any light> colleages make fun of me as I wear sunglasses everyday even inside> cannot see colors in one eye> cannot see shit in one eye> getting up is harder and harder> I go to a GP and he sends me to emergency. They tell me it is neurological and a guy with a wheelchair comes for me> I do not want to go in the wheelchair but allegedly I have to> will never forget my reflection in the elevator sitting in a wheelchair with sunglasses on> doctors find out is multiple sclerosisDamn my dog cries that he wants to go on a walk, see you later
>>33735491bpd is like autism for womenwhy do people with bpd have such intricate and detailed stories
>>33735491Yeah so I was in the hospital and the people there for sure couldn't control their minds. There was this lady, her daughter told me she hit her head when falling from the stairs and now she was like living in some alternate reality. She drank her own piss and consider our room a class in an elementary. Got lumbar punction and instead of lying on her back she lied on her belly sideways on the bed and moved her limbs like some sort of a bug. She also called for the nurses every five minutes or so to ask where her phone currently is which I found unbelievably funny. They later take her away because she took out those syringey like hoses that you get in hospitals and her blood was all on the floor. And there were so many people like that. Truly a fate worse than death. Anyway I got Ocrevus, got better, sold the fllat and divided it into two halves, one for my brother and one for my sister so now is everybody equally poor, and started working as a machine operator and picked up my sister from that evil witch who'd torture her so much she ended up in hospital several times. There was court again and yada yada. Now I have to put up with that freak of nature father so that he pays the alimony but otherwise I am enjoying my life. We live together with my sister surrounded by kind neighbors and my brother and his fiancé and that crazy father which I cannot stand and gramps and grandma, though grandma is crazy, sometimes let him know that if he pisses me off too much I might cut off his head. It is just a warning coming from anger though, I need him for the alimony. I also often times kill and consume my mother's flesh in my dreams sleep and despite liking those dreams very much I would most likely get STDs from such meat.And my mother, well she is surrounded by riches that she got from her parents and husbands but her state reminds me that of those mutants in Lisa the Joyful. I don't honestly know why did I write all this, I forgot the original topic
>>33735610Probably because of a good memory. If you feel every moment you're more likely to remember it. Also I am very chatty since childhood.
>>33735618woman you're 30 and like this>I forgot the original topicthink it was for finding similar people from 4chan
>>33735610Also keep in mind I am the one telling the story from my perspective. I might seem cool in well, my story, but I am still an ass. I didn't mention my rages and my own shitty behavior or times when I hted all men for most of them are idiot brutes who only care for a nice ass and pretty face. I loathe most of them.
>>33735656you seem like a cat lady sad you got dogs instead>There was court again and yada yada. Now I have to put up with that freak of nature father so that he pays the alimony but otherwise I am enjoying my life. We live together with my sister surrounded by kind neighbors and my brother and his fiancé and that crazy father which I cannot stand and gramps and grandma, though grandma is crazy, sometimes let him know that if he pisses me off too much I might cut off his head.>It is just a warning coming from anger though, I need him for the alimony. yeah i mean this is the type of shit an incel thinks women are all likeyou need to settle down and have kids bro i feel bad for you after reading this
>>33735647No no, I wad replying to that dude with adhd that thinks adhd and bipolar do not exists. Well our whole family from hell looks like this because of mental illnesses and bad genes. I couldn't control myself before I got atomoxetine and lexapro. I was like having a thought such as cutting my brows with scissors. And I had to do it. Or I would get the thought to leave a bus evemln without wanting to. I didn't leave it but I had to fight the urge. It's no fun being crazy. That's why I do not drink, smoke and try to sleep a lot and report eveything to my psychiatrist. I am heavily monitored. Schizophrenics now this urges I think. One girl once told me she had to pull some wires out of the wall that she just had to. The body just did it. Annyway it's 2 am and I have a doctors appointment in few hours. Good bye y'all and thank you for your nice company
>>33735670Are you dumb? Why would I ever want to create new life that would suffer with these god forsaken genes? To live in pain everyday and most likely getting schizophrenia [my bio father has it, I don't know him cause he lives in an asylum for years], bipolar and multiple sclerosis from my mother and bpd and adhd most likely as well. I would create a literal easy prey. That would rely heavily on drugs. You are a sick fuck, anon.
>>33735689good night bro have a nice day
>>33735705girl there are idiots with disabilities breeding you cant be THAT bad
>>33735670PS do not feel bad for me, anon. It was quite a ride. I love horror movies and though my life might feel terrible to some, it was alright. Minus the deaths of few dogs cause my mother can't take care of shit. Anyway I really have to go now
>>33720450>i want the thing that I am not like attracts like are you a real, meaty, person who isn't an emotional parasite or scaredy cat?
>>33723180oooh, sick burn...
>>33720450>scaredy cats or emotional parasites with depressionyou need to elaborate on this because your description is too vague
>>33735717I know they do. My colleagues say that to me too. That even a healthy individual can have a disabled kid and that my own kid might turn out fine. I do not think so.If I could have healthy kids I would have like 4. But I am ill and old. Though it is true the healthiest of our family, my brother, was born when my mother was 34-35. But she wasn't pregnant for the first time back then. I am just worried. That the man I'd took would leave me for a younger girl or my sister, as many guys do that, and I would end up alone with a disabled kid wh'od watch me slowly deteorite. I've suffered enough in life.
>>33736579Well to make it short all these guys I met online would want me to be their mother. I do not mind being anyone's maid for life but I need to get something out of it, too. Like at least the person might crack some jokes and not be superficial so that I know he will find me fuckable even as a granny. And treat me like a treasure and respecting for instance that I can't stay in hot places and sleep a lot. And also not be fucking cheap. I had this guy online who'd swear he loved me and was constantly bragging about how rich he was. I lost my job and was fucking poor and he didn't even send a bag of food which is okay but then would get mad at me for not loving him back. Well when I am courting someone I buy them gifts so that they know I am willing to share. This guy was truly the worst. He spents shit on animals and month long holidays on Aruba but not on me? And to think I bought him things even from the little I had.
>>33736696I'd go full bpd on this one because he would make me so fucking mad. Before that my bpd was mostly quiet, so quiet I thought I was misgiagnosed and doctors would rather see me as a big adhd case than your average bpd. But this guy almost got me locked up.
>>33720450You gotta put yourself out there. How you gonna find someone living in a room all by yourself, isolated from the world with no socials? How would you even be visible to the person you want? To get something you never had, you might have to do some things you've never done. Stop being scared to live life and get out there. You aren't gonna find meaty people being a scared little wimp. You might have to do some meaty shit for once in your pathetic little life friend.
>>33736740Yeah that is true
>>33720450Ya'll wanna constantly get on here crying about being lonely and not having nobody but you live in a basement on a farm in the middle of nowhere with no social media presence at all. Come on now. Go to a club and dance for crying out loud. What happened to that? Oh yeah, that's right. Someone might see me and judge me. Might think I'm, "weird" or something. God forbid. Heavens no.
>>33736795Parties? I'd find that shit amusing maybe if the place got on fire.
>>33736795And I don't live in a basement on a farm, you illiterate cocksucker, read the whole thread before giving shitty advice. Parties! My God.
>>33720450>I have ADHDwe can tell>>33735348>>33735280>>33735417
>>33735356>Central Europewiadomo
>>33738540widac tez Kozel na kufle xD ale nie ruchalbym bo bpd
