These guys vecome more appealing by the minute.I don't see the value in live anymore.It is only a matter of time before i crack and hurt others or myself.
>>33734743Call a psychic ward
>>33734743>32kg twiggrrr imma hurt someone
white lives matter dude
>>33734843
>>33734850Some random faggots with a youtube channel can brainwash OP into becoming suicidal, but a trained professional cannot do the opposite for him? Sound logic right there homo
>>33734864the fuck are you on about?, you put psychic instead of psych ward you stupid fuck
>>33734743>It is only a matter of time before i crack and hurt others or myself.Get off the internet and do productive positive things with your time. If you don't want to do this you're actively choosing your own misery and pain
>>33734849Nigs Lives Matter nihilist ideology is so inclusive you're allowed to join their group chat regardless of your race and gender identity and I'm not even joking
>>33734743Mind elaborating on why you feel this way? It sounds like on a base level you do not like how your view of the world is transforming. I'm curious to know what got you to this point.
>>33735311Years of abuse caused me to develop a strong moral compas. Until one day i started overthinking to the point my head heart. Suddenly like a switch in my brain.Mabye some sort of mini stroke. I got devoid of emotion. Started to question everything. Are we just robosts made of flesh, do we have free will. Is there a soul etc.Until i realised that good and evil might not even exist.
>>33735406I am an empty shell.Live long enough to see ypurself become the villain.I am the living meme
>>33735416And i hate itThough i am unable to feel it.
>>33735406>>33735416>>33735421I remember being 12-14 too, oh the edge
>>33735406Thanks for answering. Unfortunately you seem pretty far removed from how normal people think so I don't think many people are going to be giving you useful advice.How old are you? Do you have things you like to do? Do you have a social life in general? I'm basically trying to download your brain right now so I can try to figure out useful advice.Basically tell me about yourself in grave detail
>>3373553219Nothing brings joy anymore0 social lifeMother is a demon literally not even jokingparents are divorcedBrother 17 most soulles mf you ever meetNever had a girlfriendSuffered from OCD kinda have it under controll nowHad testicular torsion (yes the meme)They had to remove oneLay in bed all dayNo jobBeen to the psyachtry 2 times Extrem depression but can't even cry anymoreFeel anxious constantlyConstantly ruminating about the universe
>>33735604Defenetly some sort of insomnia
>>33735604Okay, you sound pretty fuckedit sounds like you have nothing good in your life. Have you had a job before, and if so, did it bring you any satisfaction? Most of the satisfaction I get out of life comes from doing tasks, whether it be at a job or just in general. That is the baseline for my happiness.I think the whole "nothing brings me joy" thing will make improving your life very difficult. Attaining joy, or at least temporary contentment, should be your goal right now, if anything just to prove that you can still feel it. To get there you're going to need to do a bunch of shit that will bring you no joy and will probably be really fucking annoying, but you gotta operate on blind faith for a bit. What are some things in your past that brought you happiness? Dig for those memories of you have toHow's your financial situation? Can you move out? Assuming not due to not having a jobAlso when you did psychiatry did they give you meds? If so, did they do anything beneficial?
>>33735730I am just gonna start writing
>>33735730Can't remember much of my childhoodIn middleschool i realized that i was not cool like the other kids.I was not bullied but you know i was rough some timesBecame kinda quiet.Then went to highscool I live in AustriaMental state got worse because of OCDThis was during covidGrades got down bad but managedDecided ro drop out and get a jobStarted an apprenticeship 3 yearsCompany got soldWas not deemed fit for mandatory military service because of psycheFirst time i cried in years because i wanted itDid second year of apprenticeship somewehere elseI hated it thereStarted drivers licenseMy mom thought i didn't do it quick enoughStole my debit card and bought a car wich i said before i don't wan'tEven called me ungratefull
>>33735790Tried killing myself multible timesMom thought it wasn't that serious.Decided to quit job.Immediatly got put into psychiatry by my parents.After thatstayed at home for a few weeks.Last year of apprenticeshipHad to go to school because here in austria we have this dual thing where you have to go to vocationary school.This was actually a great time.Managed to get OCD under controll.Stopped taking antidepressants because they didnt do anythingSo OCD was nearly goneBut still depressed.Was really emotional but for the first time in years felt alive. Was suddenly one of the cool kids.My grades were really good.After the weeks of school i got into a fight with my mother and brother the usual.But it escelated.Police came
>>33735825Stayed calm explained the situationComplied to go to the psychiatrie again tho knowing they got the wrong guyRestraining order for 2 weeks
>>33735838Got out of psychiatry swearing to get justice fo what this demon did.Recently discovered she bpught a fucking horse.And kept it a secredMoney was always tight now this.
>>33735855Last day of restraining orderHeard people party outsideStarted fucking cryingBegan drinking
>>33735857Back homeStarted overthinking to the point my head Suddenly like a switch in the brainLike a strokeI pushed my brain to its fucking limitsLike a strokeThis was three months agoMassive headachesShakingMassive headachesTunnel vision difficulty sleepingOCD flared up a bitEmotions goneMy hate wich was my fuel goneStarted ruminating abput everythingNothing felt realIt has gotten betterBut still no emotionNo motivationFor fuck sake alcohol or snus has no effect.
>>33735885Literally can't laugh or cryEverything feels fakeAnd meaningless Constant ruminating has made me belife thisTime goes by fastLay in bed unable to sleepGet exhausted fast but not tiredThe stress has gotten to me
>>33735906And its killing meScared but don't even know about whatNow i sit here shaking a bitSounds edgy but i feel myself drifting into insanity
>>33735912I am seeing doctors, a therapist and psychologistsBut i fear i am too far gone
>>33735915Financially i am dooing well enoughGot lots of savings and know how to invest
>>33735916Now i found this nihilistic groups online wich share my viewOne of the NML members attacked people with a knifeAfter the police asked him whyHe said he wanted to know if he would feel something
>>33735931I might become the same way.I could kill someone and feel nothing.
>>33735937What else do you wanna know?
>>33735949Thanks for sharing your background. Here are my thoughts.It sounds like you had a good thing going in vocational school. Did you finish your apprenticeship or did that get put on hold due to the conflict with your family? If you at this moment were teleported back there, would you be able to enjoy or do you think your mental state is too fucked atm?I would recommend getting away from your mother and brother as they seem to be a great source of misery to you. Not sure if that's possible for you at this very moment, but based on your financial situation and the fact you've done most of an apprenticeship already, I'd say you're in a better position than most to get the fuck out of there. I would heavily recommend not engaging with these nihilist groups or even listening to them in the first place. Their purpose is not to improve your life, it is to make you comfortable in your misery. Avoid them as they serve to drive your thoughts further and further away fromm anything productive. When I have been in shittier periods of my life, it's made me a lot more receptive to these types of ideologies. For me it was more of blackpill/incel type stuff instead of straight nihilism. Eventually I realized my view of life was going in the wrong direction and I stopped listening to that content. instead I looked at my own life and tried to draw conclusions about the world solely from what I experienced and witnessed with my own eyes. People in the real world will give you a whole range of responses compared to these online spaces that give you the same responses. That's because they gather based on a shared mindset.I recommend just trying to talk to more people. Doesn't have to be real life, you could do it online. But don't regulate yourself to a specific mindset. Get the whole dataset of people. I think you will find that many of them are interesting and will challenge your view of the world. More for my own curiosity, what was your apprenticeship for?
>>33738046Selling cars and car parts
