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The person you supposedly love is a completely different story. If you truly love her then you trust her with your life, you trust her with your everything. Trust doesn't mean anything when You don't actually put your trust in her and you plan for the case in which she already has betrayed your trust in your mind.

The only thing a prenup really does is show her that you don't trust her and as a threat for her not to leave you later.

I just see it as it is. Talking about getting divorced before you're even married, making plans for getting divorced before you're even married is a 100% sign of distrust of your partner and a clear display of manipulative controlling behavior.

Love is not a contract.

It's a given willfully and freely to the other with all of yourself opening up to every piece of hurt every piece of harm that you could receive. And they do the same for you in every way. Being willing to lose everything for that person. That's true love

That's the kind of love I have for someone I love

Rest of the post here: >>>/r9k/82662106

I am proud and disgusted with myself for different reasons

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>>33736506
My good friend will be getting back with his ex soon. Even though I’m happy for him, I’m worried that I’ll see him a lot less.
Honestly, it’s paralysing when I fear that I’ll be isolated again. But I also need to realise that I know a lot more people than I did previously. So maybe it’s not all that bad.

Dear coworker who used to be my friend

I do not know what transpired between you, the managers, the HR, or was it something I said or did or did not do...but ffs please talk to me.

Talk to me about any mundane bullshit. Talk about Metal Gear Solid all you want. We can bitch about work, and I promise I won't tell anyone else. Really you can talk to me about anything.

If you don't know what to say, then you can start off by asking: "How was your weekend?" or "Do you have anything planned this weekend?"

I miss talking to you.

I always see you eating lunch by yourself, and you look so sad. I understand if you plan on leaving, but I wish we can be friends again.

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I remember when she texted me and told me she would like to dwell with me too.

I still feel the same.

I love you with all my heart Maria.

Why do women drink coffees full of other crap that makes it look like diarrhea

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I keep having this persistent dream of waking up in some kind of research laboratory, a massive one with dorms and things
But I think those are residual memories
I think we are all in that lab and this is a simulation

>>33736628
Maybe the lab is the simulation?

When I left my home state I did it with a middle finger up. It has now been a decade and a half and I feel intensely homesick. I dream of my home every day even though I know it's not the same and that there's nothing there for me. I wish I knew what it all meant.

>>33736506
I think I built my own grave and I don't know how to escape it. It's all gonna be me rambling but i dont give a shit i just want this shit off my chest

I'm a youtuber (not markiplier big but big enough to be able to scrape by without uploading every month). I love this job with my whole heart. It's possibly the greatest job I ever had or ever will have. However, the freedom it gave me is pointless due to my own limitations. I originally started doing youtube as a way to leave my family's cramped apartment with my dad having a hoarding problem. It was too much for me so it was either i make it or break it. It was extremely hard since I couldn't use my voice or my face for my videos but I managed to do it despite everything. I got my apartment with a my best friend of 7 years and finally thought I could become a regular person. completely free of distraction, able to completely focus on my passion.
I tried working but I couldn't focus still.
1 week passed (oh its probably because i just moved in and im still getting used to it!)
1 month passed.
2 months passed.
Okay fuck this is a problem, what's going on why can't i fucking focus????

by the 3 month mark, I cut literally every distraction away from me and simplified things to its absolute core. (No Phone/No Games/No Internet Connection) Still couldn't work on videos.

It even got so bad I literally shut off my computer and went to writing to even just be able to push ONE script. nothing at all. I'd be completely offline for DAYS and despite everything, I couldn't work on my tasks.
By the 4 month mark I realized I barely could do ANY tasks period. Any time I was able to focus on something it was full max level focus for like 2 or 3 days and it would just taper off.
Shit went on for 5 months until I find out my roommate turns out to not be able to pay rent anymore. Now I'm stuck with a 7 month lease and no roommate (had to kick him out)

(will continue)

>>33736676
I thankfully managed to transfer the lease off to some college students but now I was homeless. I couch surfed for 2 months until I was able to find an apartment in my price range.

Now that I'm stable I'm back on the focus problem. I literally can't get anything done. At this stage, I start to realize. Why could I focus and make shit while under the extreme stress at my home and got enough focus to manage a lease transfer (against my landlord's wishes) all on my own but couldn't work on a simple video script?
At some point you gotta ask yourself the big question. Am I just lazy or is there something fucked up going on in my brain?
It's at this stage I start accepting the idea i already had nudged in the back of my mind that I possibly have ADHD (and probably autism, them shits come hand in hand) and the only reason I was able to focus at any other time was either due to things becoming my hyper fixations (hence the tapering off) and being in situations of extreme stress (living in a crowded hoarder's apartment/becoming homeless and racking up an insane amount of debt because of someone who I thought I trusted.)

I've now managed to schedule an appointment with my family doctor about my depressive thoughts and all the bullshit that's been plaguing my mind to ask for help.

I have no diagnosis but I hate both outcomes of the situation.

A. i have ADHD and now I have to be medicated on fucking meth to be functional (I avoid all sorts of drugs like the plague, I come from a shitty neighborhood and the possibility of becoming an addict terrifies me)

B. I don't have ADHD I'm just a miserable cunt that can't do anything right and is lazy as fuck seeking out pills as cope for being a failure. (exactly what I'm feeling right now!)

Even right now I have this strange feeling that I don't have anything wrong with me and I'm just being a lazy bum that's gaslighting himself into thinking he has adhd as massive cope for my inability to do my work.

>>33736700
I can't afford a therapist, I can't talk to my family, I lost my only best friend after he took advantage of me and I don't have any real life friends. I can't talk to anyone online because they'll know I'm a youtuber and I'm paranoid that they're just trying to be my friend because of that. I'm so incredibly alone, all I do is call the hotlines and mope and feel like shit rinse and repeat.

I'm fucking spiraling despite doing the number 1 job amongst my age demographic.
On the outside I really try to stay positive and shit but holy fucking shit it's so fucking bleak. Worse of all, I think I started picking up my fathers hoarding habit. I have a hard time throwing away shit I obviously don't need or sometimes just literal trash.

I try so hard but it never seems like it's enough

I spent most of my life on something that is not going to work out. Cigarettes will kill you.

I've been stuck in some sort of freeze response since almost the start of the year. I can't even call my therapist

>hours got cut to just barely over part time
>locks changed, wasn't notified or given a new key
>no one tells me shit i need to fucking know
If you're going to fire me just fucking do it already so I can claim unemployment for a while.

>>33736506
Riding the bus for the first time in years and I made the driver mad at me :(

>>33736967
He's already forgotten you. Try again; everyone is stupid until they're not.

I was on a dating app the other day. I am absolutely appalled by the amount of ugly fat women who leave me a like bro, I don't know what the fuck people are seeing on tik tok or insta or whatever the fuck the cattle is into these days but it is fuckin nuts for these ogres to think they could even have a chance with me and at such a high volume dude i have NEVER see some shitnlike this wtf is going on in the world??? I'm all for progress but this shit has gone off the rails. The aliens need to step in NOW! IT IS TIME.

SAVE US

In the past 3/4 months
>found out there's a 99% chance I'm autistic
>car i bought a year ago has a fucked up transmission and was most likely in an accident the guy never reported
>maternal grandfather dies the same week busy season starts, only take 1 day off for the funeral
>paternal grandmother has a stroke and has to be moved to a nursing home
>paternal uncle killed himself over the weekend, I'm not telling my grandmother because she is in the last stage of life
>feel so stressed/enraged by people at work that I have to multiple thc gummies a day to prevent myself from having a breakdown
Someone make it stop.

>>33737054
The weed is not helping...I promise.

I think I'm no longer just passively suicidal

Women are more delusional than ever, it's incredible

>>33737061
What changed for you?

MEL

>>33737117
I'm trying to graduate but I feel burnt out and exhausted

I wasn't even trying to kiss up, I was just apologizing, I didn't know she was joking with her. Fuck man, they're older than me...ffs. bullying women

>>33736506
Before I got with my ex I had nocturnal emissions (I came on myself in my sleep) from time to time. Uncontrollably. Never understood why either. Maybe repressed sexual energy? Odd.

I have to try to be brave

You don't make it. You're unattractive and that's the simple truth. No amount of self improvement or positive attitude will ever change that fact. Even if you manage to trick some girl into liking you, she'll never lust after you the way that matters to you. Life is a game of chances and you were dealt a bad hand and that's all there is to it. There is no joy, only suffering or acceptance at best if you have the strength for it.

I'm just jealous and I'm tired of feeling so guilty and bad over it. I've been dealt a shit hand. I've been trying and failing and you can't expect me not to feel a certain way when I see others just naturally slide into what I've agonized over

I can't take it anymore

I just can't stand people

>>33736506
I told my best friend I love her. She didn't say it back. We spend so much time together and have shared so many moments that felt so intimate to me. Was it all in my head? Or is she just being indecisive? I feel really confused. Why did she tell me to say it?

Normally what happens is, one person hints that they like the other person, and the other person hints back one way or the other. If the feelings are unreciprocated, then they're supposed to hint to that so that you don't have to embarrass yourself by confessing your feelings, right? Is she confused too?

What happens if she doesn't like me back? I told myself not to get to attached but I failed. Why couldn't I just be normal about this? I told her, "I'm scared I'll ruin it." She said, "You won't." It's hard to articulate, but if she rejects me now, won't our friendship become uneven, for lack of a better word?

Look, it's hard to say no to you and I think you know that. You're a saleswoman and you're persistent, you're not used to hearing the word "no." You're used to getting your way with people. For both your sake and mine, you have to stop playing this futile game of trying to have the upper hand in every situation. It's over. Please just accept that.

>>33736829
>Cigarettes will kill you.
I know! I don't have a problem. I just like smoking.

I even know what I should do to stop, I just forget about getting nicotine patches.
See you later. I have something to take care of (cleaning house) that I postponed to almost literally the last minute. I see it as a challenge.

I am running out of 'it will get better in the future' moments.

Er, yeah. I guess that’s that.

>>33738161
Same everyday

>>33737987
Maybe you were a serial killer in your previous life

>>33738124
Done.

Sending good vibes to the universe. Thinking of someone I'm fond of.
Find out what happens in the next episode: "Kou Uraki falls in a pot of ice cold carrot juice."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pXoQ6iYO1w

>>33738309
It has to be. Sorry, didn’t want to drag it out, I miss you already but I can’t stay

I don't know how

I’m at my lowest point in a while.
Moved to a town over a thousand miles away. Made 3 acquaintances and 0 friends, they tend to flake on me every weekend. No roster, just one girl who likes me less than I like her, who sent me two one word texts back to back today. Stopped sending the first text to my friends, haven’t heard from most of them in over a month.
It could always be worse, but damn does it sting. And the hard thing is that I don’t see it improving anytime soon

>>33738769
I'm sorry, anon

So, is this just it? No way out, never going to escape my depression and anxiety? Never going to have a life and be a productive part of society? No escape, no forgiveness, just an endless downward slope?

Fuck it, why shouldn't I end it all?

>>33738769
That makes two of us.

Back when I was like 19, over a decade ago, this girl I had a crush on, she told me I should just go gay since no girl will ever like me.
So weirdly enough, I ran into this gay guy at this apartment of people, idk how I even met these people, but everyone was drinking including me, and this gay guy, let's call him A, asked me if I was bi curious, so I said sure, and we left the party and he ended up performing oral sex on me and I realized I didnt like it and we stopped and well, I ended up going home.
Well, I figured that I'm not really gay or anything, but the party was cool and everyone there seemed chill, so I went to hang out there a couple more times. The last time, I went there and got drunk and with that gay guy, and another gay guy, and I was basically like blackout drunk and they took me to a room and did oral sex on me again, but I kinda remember one of them was holding a phone up and idk if he was recording or taking a picture or what. I woke up the next day and left and never went back again. It was a weird time in my life, I realized I'm not gay though and I'm not bi, and I didn't enjoy that, and I don't want to do that again.
As time goes on, over the years, I realize A has been telling literally everyone that I'm gay because he did oral sex on me. Apparently he goes to public places and asks people if they know me and tells them I'm gay because he did oral sex on me. I know this because one of the persons he told was a family member, who then told the rest of my family.
I feel an incredible amount of shame, to this day, and I hate the idea that there's some guy going around telling everyone all this, still, to this day. He's like a meth head or something I think, I guess he just goes and gets high and goes around telling people about all the dicks he's sucked or something, idk.
It just really bothers me and I wish I could forget it all

The time isnt right and I'm not ready

>>33738914
Thanks. The thing that sucks is that I can't trauma dump this on anybody; my best friend is going through his own shit on the other side of the country and I don't want my parents to know how bad my social situation is here. Venting to strangers helps a little bit.

>>33738938
Misery loves company. Any ideas for how to break out of this near-rock bottom we're in? I'm stuck in the social catch 22 where I know nobody so I have nobody to go out with => don't meet anybody normal.
Tried meetup a few times, all weird band kids, so I'm done with that.
I'm bummed because I was really hoping this girl could be my lifeline to meeting more people.

>>33738921
Nobody has anything to say

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I've got a bit of a problem. I need employement and the job market is already brutal enough as it is. I'm pretty good at job interviews and usually get the interviewer really invested in me. One problem, though: my resume. Specifically, my non-existent references.

See, I've been a bit of an idiot. The last three jobs I had I quit without 2 weeks notice. I was in a bad place mentally and couldn't cope with stress as well as I can today. I had a job interview today and the guy said he loved me but to proceed he needed 3 refs. So either I don't give them and don't give a job, or I give him the numbers of my previous bosses, all of whom will say "he was a great worker until he up and left one day without explanation." It's not doubt caused a lot of jobs to deny me. I know this was wrong and i know i shouln't have done it but it's basically made me unemployable. At this point I feel like my option is go out into the snow and die. That is where I'm at right now. I've been trying to capture a job all year and frankly, if I can't get it before 2026, I don't even see what the point of living is anymore. Like literally what the fuck do I do? If I can't be employed i'm basically dead as it is and i can't take many more rejections at this point.

>>33739141
Are you applying to specialized jobs? I never ever gave any references when getting jobs. I'm talking about when I was working in the UK. If anything employers called my previous workplaces and asked for references without telling me. And my references aren't that good either. I'm pretty sure everyone that got called would have mentioned the fact I'm an hothead that has arguments with colleagues over petty things lol.

My friend cheated on his girlfriend and now she's breaking up with him.
Both of them keep texting me to talk about it.
The girl keeps talking about how sweet I am and whatnot and I keep putting off meeting with her for a coffee to talk because I know exactly what she wants.
But I kinda wanna hit it too but I know I won't

Just figured out another incredibly effective method of loosening muscles and I’m feeling confident that I can obtain muscular symmetry for the entirety of my body. Theres a muscle at the groin that wraps around the hips and up the back i had a very difficult time targeting until yesterday. All I had to do was rotate my rib cage left or right and then grip the muscle either the inside at the groin or outside at the hip then twist your body in the opposite direction while moving your grip throughout the muscle in either direction. There are several essential variations but the most effective I have found is to rotate to the right, pinch the muscle at the groin perpendicularly and then move your grip towards the hip throughout the muscle while twisting to the left simultaneously. There are likely different foot positions variations that impact the results as well. This also works well for the abdominals and chest, likely the back muscles as well. I’ve made solid progress using this method on my neck yesterday as well. Significant progress has been made during the last 24 hours.

>>33739241
>>>/fit/

Oftentimes I have rushes of visions or knowledge -you can call it that. Not always they can be sorted out immediately, but they are truth. And one day I have realized, that god indeed permits us to go. He understands.
There truly is grace and divine love everywhere.

Lost her in May and she went no contact and blocked me in July. All I want is to see her again. I don't know if I should try reaching out to her directly or through her friend that I knew (also blocked me but not on their alt accounts like she did). Or should I just wait? I'm still finding myself in a pit of despair every day thinking about her, I almost can't take it anymore. But I can't take the coward's way out. Part of her lives with me and I could never kill myself because it means killing that bit of her.

>>33738769
hey man, if i can ask, what skill/what'd you do to be able to get the funds to move that far? been thinking of doing it myself, just don't even know what to get into at this point

>>33739193
No, this was a janitorial position and an atypically easy one at that. I've worked janitorial positions before and all of them have been harder (at least if his description of an average work day is anything to go on)

But yeah I guess I've got nothing to lose at this point. Might as well give them out and hope I can win him over anyway. My one saving grace is that in every job I've worked at, I've been a very good worker, I just had zero ability to manage stress over an extended period. So at least it'll hopefully come with that caveat.

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An old woman I once worked complimented me by saying I look like Ted Bundy. Idk how to feel about that. I have anti-charisma so I guess it doesn't matter either way.

Fuck cow cunts and bpd bitches? Grow the fuck up and take your fucking meds

>>33736506
I went out of my way to indirectly get an old friends mother back on drugs with limited success.

M, yeah I get the rocky road ice cream tastes good, but that blueberry cheesecake with a glass of iced tea will taste really good if you let it. Hell those blueberries are way healthier for you than the rocky road.

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I keep failing my road test

I've tried driving classes on and off again ( maybe 40 lessons in 2 years ) and I can't pass my road test. I feel like a failure. I failed the test 5 times so far.

the company I work at doesn't allow us to carry guns, but certain situations makes me wish I had some more tools for self defense on me. Homeless people can be crazy

>>33739908
Just always be extra cautious, never relax around them and iggers

>>33739917
Yeah true

>>33739908
This is America.

>>33739495
Mh. I agree with your idea. I find it weird janitorial jobs ask for references, then again I have no idea what the job landscape in the states is like. Good luck anon.

it's over.

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I don't know how to feel about this and I will vent. You posted it right when I went to work, and I don't have the time to do anything on my breaks. That's a little inconsiderate on your part. It's a good story, but on that act alone I'm not writing anything this time. It feels awful that I couldn't read it right away. But I did feel a great sadness at work today, I didn't have an explanation, but I guess this is why. Oh well.

im tired and i want to let go.

Trying to start and nurture a relationship with someone who I am in contact only through 4chan is like playing romance on Dante Must Die mode. Can we lower the difficulty level to something more... how can I say, reasonable?

I hate that stupid babyish voice vtubers use. Talk normal

>>33740071
Only being in contact through 4chan is your choice. You could change that at any time, but you choose not to.

>>33740193
Would you like it better if they spoke with the voice of a chainsmoking roughneck?

>>33740019
>Trying to start and nurture a relationship with someone who I am in contact only through 4chan
Why would you do that

>>33740216
I chose to! That's the thing!
They know what happened and I'd rather not talk about business that isn't exclusively mine here, out of respect for them.

>>33740241
Just the voice of a normal adult woman would be fine

My mom is a narcisst that is petty and vengeful at the drop of a hat. She actively will try to make your life hard and sad when she feels it's warranted. I've taken to quietly throwing away some of her belongings when I'm targeted.

I need to sleep this sadness off, I have to do everything early to get things done on time anyways.

Blocked my ex from everything so I wouldn't be reminded of her
My mom who lives away visits today and goes "yeah that bitch is already with someone else"
God damn it mom
Back to hurting again, FUCK

>>33740387
Accept it bro. It's over.

I had a BAD DAY
Trying to change gears and go to the gym to blast it out

>>33740408
I know it is.
I fucking hate her. She humiliated me so many times. Was so fucking mean. I considered ending things many times. I wouldn't get back with her even if it was a possibility.

But my self esteem is so low, I keep thinking I need permission to move on. I keep thinking there's something I need to fix in me in order to to move on. The feeling of shame, the feeling of not being enough, the feeling that I have to prove something to her, the world, myself... I don't know, man. I just wish I could forget about it all. My head hurts.

>Supposed to be in the peak of my sex drive and interest in mating
>See girl
>"Hey she's cute maybe I should..."

Immediately think of the last 15 or so years, i.e Feminism, online dating, lookism, horrific marriage stories, my own trauma, etc

>"On second though nahhhhh"

Am I just low T or does this happen to anyone else?

>>33740510
Youre chronically online..
You basically just listed all the boogeymen and demotivatiojal circle jerks of the last 15 years..

Im a pretty rough around the edges dude that says things that offend people at times and even in my normal otherwise social life I have never had an encounter or problem with feminism.. that one especially is overblown. Theres a rare type of girl whos like that. Shell tell you immediately who she is. Stay away from her. End of problem..

>horrific marriage stories
People having good marriages dont come online and say "just letting everyone know im having a decent unremarkable marriage with no real issues".
Horror stories always drown out reality. People are more compelled to tell and spread them and youre more compelled to remmeber them.
>lookism
The vast grand majority of us arent hot. The vast grand majority of us date and even marry.

Just get a social life and vet off 4chan dude. Your mind is absolutely poisoned.

>>33740471
I should start going to the gym again now that you mention it. I'm thinking kickboxing. What do you think?

I want to quit my job so bad but I know I won't find anything better where I live. Thing is, I don't care about money, I don't even look at my paychecks anymore, I just go to work because "you're supposed to", I don't spend much money, I keep saving it all, I just want free time and not have to interact with retards on a daily basis. I wrote my resignation letter and I told my parents I think about quitting, then they discourage that, "what are you going to be doing then?" "you sound like such a brat" "you have to work", all coming from my dad who doesn't do anything with his life other than work, he hates his job but he thinks that "a man has to work" and thats all he wants to do with his time, and when he's off he's just mad or watches tv all day. I'm at my happiest when I don't work, have the money to spend on literally just living but noone supports that, because "you need money to spend on things, what if you have to x and y to pay for?", I get it but you can't live with the fear of having to spend money on something years down the line and work your life away and be miserable. I hate my job, the management is useless, the staff acts like they are better than you because they've been there longer, nepotism is everywhere, people will tell managers on you to get you off a station so they can have it because its easier then you get the shittiest jobs. I was out for 2 weeks and they literally didn't replace me for that time because noone wanted to do what I was doing. Then other staff complain that they want me back because I'm competent when I said I'm not doing that shit anymore, but everyone else gets to have the easier jobs. I just have enough working for 2 people, getting fucked over and having to pretend I like the people that do that because they're all related to each other and the boss of the company, its fucking miserable to the point where I started getting panic attacks before work because I dread coming in there every day now. But no "you have to work"

>>33740591
I don't think you should work if you don't want to. Why are you wasting your lifes time there?

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I have a family of 6. Me, my dad and mom, and three sisters. My mom and sisters have all but abandoned us for about 3 years now and it sucks yes, but man, my dad vents to me about it daily and says the same exact things everytime. I'm understanding cause I want to be there for him and the father perspective is going to be way different than the sons as it's wife and kids vs mom and sisters, but man is it wearing me down, I've exhausted everything I could possibly say and just kinda feel held hostage sometime. This isn't an invitation to tell me to suggest therapy to him. He's kinda tone deaf when it comes to subtle cues like someone just going "yeah" or "mmhmm", so what are some more overt friendly ways to get the point across I'm being worn down?

I get so easily attached guys...
I don't have a lot of dating experience so when a girl agrees to go on a date with me later this week, all I can do is think about her. I can't sleep damn it

>>33736506
I do not deserve to live.

>>33740591
If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?

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i am a 20 yr old 5'7, ugly, fat, and autistic dark skinned srilankan tamil. I tried going to the gym, i tried everything but i know damn well that I am going to be a KHV all my life. women literally fucking despise my retarded ass. The only thing I have is hair on my head xd. At school and community college, I was always dogshit at everything academically, plus im overshadowed by my tall ass decent looking siblings.

>>33740614
I'm holding onto this job because housing is expensive where I live and this job allows me to afford it, just about but still, everything else here pays like 20% less, this is a government job too, hard to get into. I'd love to leave but on one hand, if I quit, I'll never have a job like this again that pays this much, on the other hand my parents will remind me daily if I got a new job or if I'm looking for one, that really ruins your mood because it gets in your head, "should I be doing this?" and it makes me feel like if I have a job, at least I don't have to deal with the headache of my parents being annoying about it. Can't even enjoy free time with them being on about it all the time, and I mean all the time, daily.

>>33740683
I'd be fine financially for a year or so, but then if I need money for rent and bills, things will get difficult because I won't get a job here that pays enough to cover the cost of living, so its either sticking to this job because it pays well and hate life, or enjoy life for awhile, but then struggle to make ends meet when I run out of money and need to get a worse paying job because they'd hardly take me back in once I left this job. Its a small town where I live but we do have this one place where I work thats a government job that pays a lot and being on my own, I can afford to live with that money, but anything less and I won't be able to make ends meet unless I work 2x the hours I already do. It just feels fucked on all ends, especially if you look at things down the line.

>>33740700
I'm sorry to hear you are having difficulty financially. I grew up with not a lot and so I can understand what that's like

Fight the future.

>>33740778
You keep saying that but still it's happening

It is not that I can't talk to people.
It is just hard for me to relate or care. Is this why I find it hard to talk to people? I don't even want to say greet anyone anymore.

>>33740805
The reason you don't want to greet anyone is because the people you are around are people you don't want to greet

>>33740828
It is very easy for me to greet everyone. But I just don't do it, sort of like I don't care anymore.
Am I depressed? I could go speechless for days.
I was not like this back then.

I finally got a grasp on social skills and common sense.

>>33740784

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32bdevGClD4&list=RD32bdevGClD4&start_radio=1

Shh.
>>33740004
Fight!!

>>33739827
You may need to work with a relative.

>>33740839
You shhhh butthole

>>33740853

>>33740871
No u

How's your day going anons?

>>33740877
It doesn’t really go anywhere. It’s an abstract coping mechanism. The world keeps turning its back on the sun. The arrow of time relentlessly persists with a nonstop onslaught of nothingness at our disposal until the stars burn out.

>>33740877
Sad

>>33740884
>>33740902
Why are you feeling like that, and more importantly what would have to happen to make you feel happy?

>>33740926
Blocked my ex who I still love, idk what would make it better

>>33740927
hey anon. I havent blocked my ex but I broke up with her recently. tell me about her. why did you break up with her?

>>33740928
Because I didn’t see a future for us where I would be happy. We were toxic, up and down with lots of instability. I don’t want to go through that anymore

women with short hair are ugly as shit to me

it's an utter rejection of their femininity and a cue that they're subscribed to the liberal psycho bitch group think

thank you for identifying yourselves for me so i can avoid all interaction with you

>>33740931
then you made the right but brave choice. you took responsibility for your life. what you are experiencing is the responsibility of that life.

>>33740944
It feels like shit lol, feels like I made the wrong choice

>>33740946
I think you should be proud that you made a choice at all rather than being a slave to comfortability and the familiar. whether it is the right or wrong decision will reveal itself to you in the future and when it does you have to brace yourself for whatever decision you will make then.

>>33740956
Thanks anon, I really appreciate that. I may go back, but I’ll remember that I made a choice

When post seems similar to what you're going through, it's because they're not random and they're only made to push you one way or another.

It's really shitty behavior, but you should be used to this by now. Use it as verification that he's just a shit person.

>>33740926
>why do you feel.
Im cool. I just cannot see the difference between one day or another. It may be because I do not sleep for more than two or three hours at a time. That blessing comes from physical malady but neither that nor the lack of sleep prevent me from living comfortably and satisfying those who rely on me despite not knowing that I exist. Everything is gold. Happy to be here but it hurt less and did not suck quite so much.

>>33741013
>I just cannot see the difference between one day or another
I used to know that feel very well.
Is what affects you curable or manageable?

>>33741055
Prescription drugs lost The War on Prescription Drugs.

>>33741065
That doesn't sound promising. I hope you get better, you sound like a genuinely kind person.

>>33740963
Did you give it a decent chance? Therapy? Work on communication? Did they try anything to change on their side? No use both of you suffering alone unless you really gave it a shot. . If it feels like shit and you made the wrong choice its worth thinking about it.

People give up so easily sometimes and don't realise most relationships go through toxic phases.... Love is the willingness to break that cycle and repair, healthily. Mutual growth. No one starts out mature and perfect. People grow and change. So do relationships.

At this point I'm just self sabotaging, things are objectively going well but my brain keeps telling me to be scared and be ashamed of myself

>>33741109
Yeah, I think so. We’ve broken off a few times in the past, and it got to a point where I couldn’t be with them. We have both grown and changed, but it was still the same issues. I did this for me

>>33740679
Part of me wonders if I did.

>>33741277
Sometimes I tried to make him feel better by loosening some of his muscles up. I was away for some weeks and he had stopped eating by the time I came back. He gagged at the canned fish I had presented. His last bowel movement was hard as a rock and the vet said he had a cancer like mass at his abdomen. I don’t know.

>>33741290
They didn’t say that it was cancer like. They just said that it was a mass and I assume that’s what they meant.

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I miss my buddy

>>33741375
What happened to your cat?

Im so pessimistic lately and I don't want to be!

dpo you faggots plan on doing anything?

>>33741623
Stopped eating food. He would lick food but stopped eating and became skinny. Didn’t want him to suffer so he was put to sleep last February.

The aliens will save us..godamnit its happening

>>33741681
Didn't you check with a vet what could be the underlying problem?

>>33741747
Yes

>>33741795
Im sorry for your loss. I knew a guy that had a cat that looks like yours

Fun fact: If you have the dairy queen app installed and give them your birthday they will send you a deal in the app for a free medium Sunday on your birthday. You can even add extra toppings and it all comes out to $0.

Source: it's my birthday and I just enjoyed my free Sunday.

>>33736563
>namefag
>blogposting
Consider suicide you disgusting homosexual

>>33741375
>>33741681
>>33741795
Maybe if you had a job and stopped attention seeking in gioyc threads for 16 hours a day, every day, you would've been able to save your cat.

>>33741675
I'm gonna smoke a shitton of weed in about 6 maybe 7 hours, feel free to tag along.

>>33742035
I’m already smoking hehehe

>>33736506
What the heck is up with all the party hats ? It’s annoying

pretty bad day so far

>>33741087
You are funny.

Why does disapproval/ rejection hurt so much from me peers ;-;

>>33742089
*My

>>33741375
;_;

>>33742048
That is shitty of you.

>>33741675
Duolingo in 16 minutes, fold the sofa bed, tidy up, vacuum, prep the laundry for 7pm, figure out car insurance and roadside assistance. Then prepare breakfast, plan tomorrow morning, and if I have juice left, reach out to a friend for the first time in a very long while.
You?

Having read NTR one too many times during my formative years and growing up with easy access to porn mindbroke (using that term since it seems fitting) me and I can't see a way of recovering. I know my case is definitely not unique and admitting it is pathetic, but recognizing the problem is the first step to solving it. I've been complimented on my face and I can still get a functionally fit and aesthetically pleasing body, but I've got a short penis. And the thought of being unable to sexually please my prospective partner still scares me from even trying to pursue a relationship. I believe that a pleasing and satisfying sex life is part of a successful relationship, and I just can't see myself pleasing my partner with what I have. Yes sex techniques exist, but that's something everyone can learn while I can't change my penis without undergoing surgery that can irreparably damage it in exchange for a few inches of volume, and even then getting surgery for it seems like admitting defeat in the first place. I'm also getting older so I've learned to let go of my fantasy of awkward mutual first romance into lasting and fulfilling marriage. But the thought of getting a more experienced partner, and being unable to please her better or at least as good as her previous partners scares me, and even if she seems pleased with me, when I learn that she's faking it for me I can see myself feeling even more betrayed.
It's very pathetic and a damning insecurity, yes, but I can't see myself climbing my way out of this yet. My values and views on romantic relationships have changed over the years, but I still can't let go of sex being an important part of it. And at this point I've all but given up on romance, unless miraculously there appears a person who's truly in love with me, loyal and can make me feel secure in our relationship, and I happen to find attractive too. But unless that unicorn shows up in front of me with sufficient reason and explanation, I might just die alone

>>33736506
Why shouldn't I call her right now?
I'm upset, I just want someone to hold, I want to cry and tell her I love her.

>>33742745
bro just do it. Life is too short, make some thing out of it.

Why do they call it de pressed when I be pressed

I think I'm coming to terms with just how awful a person I am, and I don't know what to do, but suicide is getting more appealing by the day

I’ve had 2 conversations with my bf where I’ve told him how lonely being in this relationship makes me for XYZ, have been apologised to but there’s been no change at all. Asking someone who tells you they love you to actually act like it is a humiliation ritual. I’m going to ghost him soon if nothing improves

I dont care what you stand for thats why I listed your race

>>33742048
Well then. I'll smoke on my own.

How the fuck does my bf not know who Jane Goodall is. ngl that's lowkey breakup worthy but idk

>>33743058
What would make it better for you?

>>33736726
Let me know if u wanna chat. I understand what you are feeling and think I can help you.

>>33742926
Seriously, how do you move forward when you were an absolute piece of shit for so long?

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>28
>smoked weed 10 years
>relationships vanished
>career opportunities squandered
>nothing to show
Well, this week I will quit cold turkey and stop being a NEET. I dont think itll ever actually be better or become ok right now, I think that chance is gone already. I still need to try, at least one more time.

>>33743284
Good luck, anon

>>33743284
All of the stoners I know who didn't get addicted to other drugs are tremendously successful besides me, and im aight

I feel so scared I dont want to be alone

>>33743284
I'm done with the shit too man I feel like this is my last chance to really stop. I have to move on from smoking.

>>33742137
Please don't reply to people in my stead. Thank you.

>>33743284
Skill issue 2bh. Weed is one of the best social facilitators out there. It's also a good way to gauge someone's discipline.

>>33743266
>>33742926
lol

lmao

Im scared of him leaving me

>>33740071
>be me
>message someone from personal add on /soc/ seeking relationship thread
>we talk for a few hours
>"this was great I can't wait to talk to you tomorrow"
>"same"
>tomorrow comes
>"want to do thing we talked about?"
>user has deleted or blocked you

I'm at a genuine loss

>>33743386
Why?

<< It's time. >>


<< To roll a joint. >>

>>33743058
What's XYZ so I don't fumble

>>33743155
I want to go places and experience things with him and make memories, I asked him to come with me to the park and it was fun except for when he sat on his phone and barely talked to me when we went to the cafe. I know he’s anxious and I don’t want to push him but I can’t force him to try get out of his comfort zone, it feels cruel. He does tend to scroll on his phone whenever we hang out really, I make an effort to not use it so much so I can give him my full attention, and he just leaves early when he gets bored because the conversation dries up. He doesn’t ask me personal or specific questions, just generic ones like ‘how are you’ and it feels like we only small talk. He doesn’t ever tell me things he likes about me, he just reassures me (by request) that he does and I’ll get a ‘you’re cute’ type of compliment, which is nice, but nothing else really. He’s never said he likes my body, im nervous to be naked around him and he will not go down on me by his own will, I have to ask for it and I can tell he doesn’t enjoy it much which puts me off asking anyway, it makes sex awkward and I get stuck in my head during it. He’s never thanked me for gifts I've given him, and I don’t receive anything, not that I particularly need to receive anything at all, but flowers, literally just one time would be nice. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to tell someone what to do for me because it makes me feel like im parenting him and that removes any spark or spontaneity.

Typing all this mopey shit up has sorta convinced me I have to leave because it’s not been working for me

<< This twisted game needs to be reset. We'll start over from "getting high" with this spliff, and entrust the future to the stoner generation. >>

>>33743555
Checked

He sounds autistic

Think about WHY you want to be with me. Think about what YOU can do to be BETTER for ME. How can you CHANGE? What are your personal goals (short and long term) and decide IF i fit into those plans or IF your future plans involve me.
Because I am TIRED.

>>33743122
You're gonna break up with him for not knowing about the crazy bitch who fucked monkeys when no one was watching?

>>33743632
sucks being actually raped and get to ng no answer when you call for help.

I hope my kids know that I love them, and that I'm trying my best despite constantly being tired. I hate not having the energy to play with them or the patience to always be calm with them when they get upset. I know I'm an awful father, I just pray I'm not making them feel unloved or unwanted.

<< You and I are the two faces of the same coin. There may be a resemblance but dude is that a vending machine? Let's get a sprite or something AHAHAHAHAJAJAHAHAHAH >>

>>33743649
Please tell them.

<< https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLRfPBA0pWw >>

>>33743689
They're three and one. I do tell them all the time but I am so scared because I know actions speak so much louder than words and I'm afraid lack of action will make them think I don't value them.

How clever of you to completely FUBAR your relationship with your son during a psychotic episode so that now that you're more lucid I'll be seen as the bad guy for shutting you out.

>>33736506
Here's something I need to put into words and have nowhere else to do it. I can't tell my family or friends. I can't even tell a therapist or a priest because they would snitch on me.

Almost 2 years ago to the day my best friend was killed by a drunk driver. He ran him over, took off, crashed the car, then ran away and reported it stolen. He lied repeatedly during the investigation. After all this he got a slap on the wrist. He'll be out in like 3 years.

I'm going to fucking kill him the second he's out on the streets. I don't know if I'll blow his fucking head off with a 12 gauge, run him over with my car, or some other third thing but I'm set on making it happen. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going on a daily basis. I don't want to think of it as revenge but as doing a civic duty, putting down a rabid dog before it bites someone else. I won't monologue at him. It won't be cinematic. Quick and clean just like he did my buddy. Least he deserves. Fuck this cunt.

I shouldn't even be typing this but it's been a shit day and like I said I have nobody to tell this to and it sucks. Hopefully nobody even sees this haha

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Short term... Learn "pragmatic martial art N°1 because dockyard worker rizz > office worker rizz
Get qualied as bookkeeper, get bookkeper job, make good money, rub hands like a Jew
Go to uni, get economy degree, get job as accountant, rub hands even more
Go to uni again, get engineering degree, open my own company, whatever happens LAUGH LAUGH A LOT, if it goes well think "I came here to laugh at you", when it goes bad think "I came to laugh at you".
I am Gundam.

I can't stop thinking about you but I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place right now. God you're all I think about and I really want to see you again but I'm worried I'll do something rash. I'm worried that I won't have any more excuses to meet up with you in the future. My attraction to you is suffocating me.

You're also all I think about. Live your life to the fullest while you think about me, I'll live my life to the fullest while thinking about you. Be happy.

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Oh and by the way, happy birthday 4chan lmao

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I knew all of this would happen, yet I still stepped into the beast's maw simply because I knew you would love me harder than anyone on Earth. You healed me and broke me all over again. Life is wild. I don't want to be here anymore.

I heard an "you're an idiot, I loved you" in my head. I know who you are... I'm sorry I disappointed you.

I hope something can redeem this shit ass day

>>33743648
Did you reply to the wrong post?

I am really lost and don't know what to do. I think I'm an irredeemable monster and it would be best if I died, but I am a coward and also do not want to hurt my family by taking my own life.

>>33743780
I know this feel

I got fucked in the asshole and knotted by a german shepherd when I was 14.

I wish every 4channer on the planet dies.

>>33744240
Me first!

I can talk to my exes and various female friends just fine but the moment I'm attracted to a woman I don't even know what to say to them? The fuck?

>>33743887
Same hopefully when I get home fick this day

I've despised you as a visceral and involuntary reaction to your casual betrayal, and wished for your ruin somewhat officially since that post in January, by the way.
For all that I told you, you still don't know shit because you are in denial. Don't blame you, pretty standard at this point. But it's still objective denial. And denouncement. For all I told you, you're left not knowing shit. And for all I didn't tell you (it was supposed to be a "Haven't yet"), you DEFINITELY do not know SHIT. Least of all ME.

After all the fucking behind the scenes, the trust, the pudding, THAT'S how you wanted to fucking speak for me? Handwave it all like you're not one of the only people with the CHANCE to put it all together? Do you know how disappointed I was? How dejected I still am? Fuck you. Fuck you and the fact that still to this day it's like I'm hooked up to you and you, me, repeats and themes and leitmotifs a-fucking-bounty. God DAMNIT.

>>33743774
Nobody saw.
Break a leg.

theres nothing left. there was never anything to begin with. atleast not for long.

and im too stubborn to give up.

I'm completely spineless and I haven't gotten into a fight with my mom or anyone else in about 8 years. But I almost screamed at her to shut the fuck up. My uncle offs himself and my brother and I have to tell our dying grandmother because of some inheritance shit, and she's rambling on AGAIN about some stoic Marcus Aurelius or whatever the fuck. Do you think I give two fucks about those dickheads thought? I'm just supposed to bottle my emotions and not feel anything like some monk? The fuck out of here with that. How would you feel if I said "Hey mom, your alcoholic, obese, slothful coward of a father is 92 and about to bite the dust? Toughen up, sweetheart!" Fuck out of here with that. Want to stop drinking that piss-flavoered swill every time you get sad thinking about how your brother is a fucking psycho? Stop buying it. Become stoic. Become Cicero. Become Claudius. Become Hannibal.

>>33743774
You know the feds monitor this site, right?

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>>33744427
The feds monitor it for antisemitism.
They don't give a shit about petty crime.

>>33744435
I think murder qualified as more than petty crime

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>ASL
Late 20's, M, USA.
>Mental Illnesses
Diagnosed Schizotypal.
>Favorite Media
Books.
>About
I am the ugliest person I have ever met. I have no reason to post this. I have been posting her for so long, yet I have never made use of it. I will be alone forever.
I fantasize about a woman that is so broken and irredeemable that she has no value to me whatsoever; I would like one who is so disgusting, so repulsive, so worthless, that I would feel her to be my equal. I just want to feel the human things. I was never touched or hugged before. I want to know what it feels like.
>Looking for
nothing.
>Not looking for
Anything.

I lied. I have been hugged before. I have never liked touch; My earliest memory of touch was being hugged on Christmas day, at the age of five, by my grandmother—even this was repulsive. I still remember the running joke that became of it: "Can you let go of me now?" to the amusement of the entire family. Besides that, the only two times I have tried to be hugged as a child were at six and eight, and both times after being disciplined severely. It did not feel good.

At thirteen, I was hugged by a girl my age. Though I felt attracted to her at the time, even this hug repulsed me. I remember feeling this disgust sinking into me like a heavy alcohol—I was inebriated with my own alienation. I knew even then that I was barely human. I was not hugged again, by anyone, until eighteen. Again, I didn't like it; A woman in my ward at the psychiatric facility had heard of my loneliness, and thought it kind to give me her number and a gentle hug. Although the embrace itself made me feel the coldness that one only experiences during the peak of nausea, when the vomit is churning in the stomach and the legs begin to tremble, I felt grateful. Not for the embrace, but that someone would think me worthy of touch.

I do not know why I want to touch so badly. I am an insane person who is seeking something that he knows provides no comfort. Just kidding. This post is fictional.

My co-worker said he considers washing the dishes in his home everyday as being a "clean freak" and would break up with a girl over it. I'm disgusted with him. He's been saying more and more questionable things lately like how he watches alpha male and anti woke youtubers and I'm starting to dislike him more and more

I want to die

Regardless of how I felt at times I know that I would have been sad and disturbed if my “mom” had died from that tooth infection years ago.

I don't know if I can go on living like I am. I don't want to exist.

I desperately need someone to save me, but I don't deserve to be saved.

I'm nervous. Been so lost without you. But I can't keep hiding. I got to get back to living my life. I'm glad you're happy. Sometimes I used to think I was just born to suffer, but that's not true, and I intend to prove it.

>>33744603
What do you do when you're too afraid to scream for help, and don't deserve help anyway?

>>33744533
Imagine not wanting clean dishes. If you're working in a developed country, your coworker could just screw off to the third world, almost no one expects cleanliness there.

>>33736506
One of my superiors seems to be gaslighting me. Told me I lied to him when I said the opposite of what he claimed I said. Coming to work here has been so blackpilling. Never hated my own culture before, but seeing how our people act as diasporae makes me see why self hatred exists. Also funnily if you're "one of us" you're subject to more overtime and likely less salary.

>>33744718
Don't act like me, just get help.

>>33744765
I can't. I can't talk to my therapist or anyone about what's bothering me

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When I was younger my mom had a dog grooming business and would sometimes take her clients dogs home to petsit them for a week while the owners were out of town. I let a German shepherd she was petsitting fuck me doggy style up the butt and creampie my asshole full of dog cum on camera. I got straight up bred like a bitch in heat and looked right at the camera as that big magnificent beast pump a fat load of puppy batter up my bussy. My mom or the dogs owners have no idea about the video. Pretty much nobody does. It's been online for a couple years now.

>>33744900
Then tell me about it. I won't give advice, I'll just read it.
I still recommend you get help. I didn't and now it is irrevocable. You always think you cannot help yourself, you will always hate yourself for not getting help earlier. It is better to run into ruin while you can still rebuild.

I'm so detached from myself. I haven't worked out this part of my brain in a while. Its because I have been dealing with trauma for a very long time, and I still don't see much end to this. I'd like to be who I used to be and fill in the void with something that people can grasp on. But everything fails. I've lost it, whatever it was.

>>33744938
Race and sex?

>>33744987
dissocation. i love it. allows me to work unlimited hours. its what happens when your nervous system is continuously at max capacity for so long, it just kind of forgets how to register the world around it.

anyway, you and i. both stuck. good luck.

>>33744993
White male

>>33744993
I would guess a white male. Third worlders (also male) might shag animals way more, but they don't film it themselves.

>>33745062
I read your post, I just didn't think you wanted to elaborate. If you want to, then I'll read as much as you write. Again, no advice from me.

The conflict cannot exist without the dehumanization first. The dehumanization exists because of a lack of understanding and a lack of accountability. We keep misunderstanding each other.

If I think about what happened too much the shame makes me want to die.

But I won’t. Others have done worse things.

>>33745089
If there really is so much guilt over what you have done, then you are not terrible. Your past self is not who you are today.

>>33745113
I appreciate that, but guilt and changing a person does not undo the past.

>>33745124
It doesn't but neither does hating yourself.

I abandoned my past life but just got recognized today walking into a liquor store
I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack on the spot
Managed to gaslight the other person into pretending it wasn't me without actually denying it
I feel like the scum of the earth

>>33745126
Hating myself seems a small penance, even if I find it unbearable

>>33745126
>>33745132
In any case, I thank you for your indulgence and kind words.

>>33745132
>>33745175
I'm just thinking about the problem. I guess living in penance is better than dying with unresolved trauma. But I hope you get better.

>>33745199
I do not deserve that, but thank you.

>>33745199
It's so fucked, dude. I'm not him, but I know how it is. I was addicted to alcohol for years and it consumed my life. It wasn't even the alcohol that was addicting to me, it was just space to fill. I knew I was fucked up with intrusive thoughts and I drank to dull the thoughts. That's why I was able to drop the habit so quickly. When the stress stopped, I was back. But I have to live, every day, with the fact that the only thing I can be proud of is being a normal ass person in front of normal ass people.
It's so fucking depressing walking around and people calling you a "good person" when the only reason you're a "good person" is because being a "bad person" would be too much effort.
>you're better than that
No, I'm not. But I always try to put on the best performance I have to others. Because they deserve to deal with a better person than I am. Which makes it all the worse when people remember me because they don't even remember me. They remember the person I was pretending to be.

>>33745241
Have some pride, not everyone is able to overcome an alcohol addiction

>>33744535
https://voca.ro/1fj29oSoVSyN

>>33745252
I fell off the wagon, but I can mostly hide the effects now. The only way I was able to give it up the first time was by running away. I had to run away, and I ghosted a bunch of people who were really my friends but still liked me and got to know me. They never knew my real name. I lied to them from day one because I knew what I was doing was wrong, and it was hurting me, but I couldn't stop. That's what I'm really ashamed of. After all I did and everyone I lied to and everything I did to hide who I really am, I'm still back in my fucking rut, and now I have to pretend it wasn't me who walked away only to come crawling back.

>>33745276
*weren't really my friends but still

I used to enjoy no timer before having to complete a captcha until I was banned for a month in September. My ban conveniently ended today but I'm stuck with the 120 second timer forevermore I guess. Long story short: don't break the global rules tryna get attention. That shit backfires easily. I didn't even bother appealing because I thought it'd make me seem pathetic. But sitting inside on an imageboard all day is kinda the pinnacle of being a loser, so yeah. That's what's been on my mind lately.

where the fuck is the saving grace

ive accomplished feats that drop jaws when heard. all pain, all inventiveness, always trying to find a new solution.

wheres the saving grace?? wheres the wine i get after it all? wheres the light at the end of the tunnel?

>>33745131
https://voca.ro/1fj29oSoVSyN

Felt like she was trying to watch me from across the building. Reacting to the sound of my voice when she heard it when I went outside. Feels almost delusional to think someone would take notice of me like that. I want her but its too risky to make a move. Though if she made a move I don't think I could refuse despite the danger.

>>33745276
Take heart, you kicked it once, you can do it again

>>33745339
Aw you sound so great

tfw i have an engagement ring on now and i still think about you constantly as if we are meant to be

you were so terrible to me and you know it, so why haven’t you resolved it? do i not mean enough for you to right your wrongs? did i really ever deserve all that bullshit mind game trauma?

you wanna say i made everything complicated and YES i did some fucked up things too, but it was in reaction to the lying and wasting my time you dense mf.

i’m not going to come running back to you like you expect - it’s up to you to decide whether you’re going to earn something or spend your whole life missing out on it.

i’ll be moving on, like i have been, though will have to resort to therapy at some point because i am starting to feel insane over this shit. doesn’t help when i keep having to block your new fb accounts

>>33745363
Thanks
Right now I don't want to, but someday I will. I just hope that when all illusions are stripped away, I turn out to be a good person after all
I'm sure you don't have to worry about that

im gonna throw garlic in soup broth and get bread tomorrow, not feel well

I remember when we'd go out and try different restaurants together
I remember when we'd marathon different shows
I enjoyed it a lot
It's too bad you're a lying psycho

>>33745422
This what I did with my ex too, but it wasn't many restaurants

>I'm going out with a girl after a long time of being single
>I'm on a new med that helps studying
>I'm trying to dress better and I love how I look
>I'm nicer but no longer afraid of telling people off
>I'm working out again and this time I can see my body changing and getting stronger
>I sleep better now and wake up at good times
>My shits firm and isn't diareah anymore

I am mostly a pessimist but it seems like things are changing

>>33745411
Have some ginger tea and eat orange, they help a lot when sick.

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I'm evil m8
I perform nefarious deeds m8
I'm a full-on fraud and a liar and if I wasn't composed of pure goddamned spite, I would have killed myself years ago
And yet I will continue living because FUCK YOU
One day I may kill myself out of guilt and shame at being a lying fraudulent fuck, but that day is not today bitch

Another day another disappointment

im fucking a 30 year old guy (im 22) that a close friend of mine wanted to fuck and it's a big secret, this is the first time im saying anything about it. he has erectile dysfunction but i dont mind it, he can get hard sometimes. at first i was just happy that he was giving me attention. it escalated to me staying over and he pinned me down and put his weight on me. he's hard but also gentle later. i dont know what im doing. i dont want a relationship with him, i feel terrible because my friend wanted him but never really did anything about it before she moved away. i just feel so validated when im with him, like nothing wrong ever happened. like I've never been rejected or called ugly or dumped. but i know this might ruin things for me. but it doesnt have to, not like ill be staying in this city forever or that it cant end quietly. im sure he feels the same, i dont think he's going around telling people he's fucking me, doesnt seem like that type.

I lied to my new girlfriend.
I've been laid off for a month now.
When we started dating I talked about my old job like I still had it.
After 5 dates i told her I was getting laid off at the end of that week.
She thinks I have 2 more days of work but in reality I've been unemployed for a month now.
I also knew i was getting laid off for 3 months and did nothing about it because I live with my parents and have lots of money but fucking hated that job and don't know what I want to do with my life anymore.

>>33745638
How is your relationship with both of your parents?

>>33745665
haha, got me there

Just not feeling it this week

after seeing how my fat fetish eventually seeped into my normal attraction to people, i worry that i might eventually develop a fetish for disabled people, i dont masturbate to anything of that nature but the few times ive stumbled upon it, i can tell it isnt exactly a turn-off for me.
man wtf is wrong with me.

I'm not who you want me to be. You fell in love with a guy so treated you well and promised a peaceful life. I gave you that to the extent of my ability. Now that you have that you want me to go back to school and become some hotshot CEO of a startup or whatever else prestigious shit you desire.
That's not me. At all. I'm tired and I don't want to do it anymore. There's more to life than this.

>>33736506
I love you all and all of humanity.

That’s all I wanted to say

>>33745797
you should share that with her.

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I really need to stop using energy drinks as a vice everytime I do something
.

Crazy how women claim to be in favor of equality, yet will attempt to kill and eat any single man ever who slightly inconveniences them and shows a single feminine trait.
Not if they’re transgender of course, but if they’re GNC? Sorry kiddo, you’re gay! Time to die!
Honestly, how difficult is it to be compassionate towards others?

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I'm doing the same thing I did to her, I don't know what to feel, I don't have a concept of love, I just wanna be alone but at the same time I wanna talk to you. I wanna wake you up and tell you any stupid things that come to mind. You're so dumb, I know you wanna kiss me but I just wanna look into your eyes and cry. You're the only one who really sees me for who I am, when you said that the other day I was surprised, you read me like an open book. Help.

>>33743284
It sound extreme anon, but I quit weed using shrooms, a light ones of course u can literally do some truffles that thing kill my urge to smoke pott and change my mind on doing drugs.
U can do it, weed is a wasted of time, shrooms literally can change u for good or even changing to CBD can improve it, if u want shrooms do it with a friend, last time I was in the woods with 2 friends and a girl I was fucking and it was like living a dream, I can literally stop smoking tobacco but I still smoking because I'm retarded but that little thing can make it improve the mind set but remember don't do it if u are massive depressed, bad trip can ruin ur mind.
Good luck anon

>>33745827
I cannot, cause then our relationship ends, and that will destroy her. And me, to a lesser extent. I suffer either way, I just needed to vent it. I was alone yesterday and had a small mental breakdown over it.

Every time I go outside and be social or see familiar faces at a cafe or other community hub I return home feeling lonely and isolated. It's fascinating in a morbid way. I don't feel lonely when I am home all day, or going to a movie/restaurant/event alone. Everyone has friend groups and invites me along to things now and then, I get asked for help with organising events, but no matter how consistent I talk with them or blend into their group mannerisms I'm never *in* the friend group, I'm their guest character for the day.

I think I need to stop doing it. I'm going to work on getting back into hiking and in general not go into the city proper. I refunded a few tickets for events coming up the next few months but none of them are really something that'll sell out so if I end up wanting to go I can still jump back in.

>>33736506
I was heavily intoxicated, driving home from the liquor store, with an open can of alcohol in my cupholder and got pulled over.
I cant actually remember why I got pulled over, that part basically got deleted from my memory, if i had to guess it was for a broken tail light.

Officer noticed I seemed intoxicated and had the open can so he did field sobriety exercise. He did the one where he shines the flashlight in your eyes, moves it back and forth, and wants you to follow it with your eyes without moving your head at all. My car door was closed on the first attempt and I failed the attempt after about 3-5 seconds, he got annoyed and commanded me to do it again without moving my head. This time he opened my car door and repeated it.

Internally I had basically already accepted im fucked, but I still just mustered up every single fucking ounce of willpower in my body to follow that fucking flashlight without moving my head while drunk and i managed to succeed on the second attempt.

He let me off after that. I honestly dont know if he was just being nice, or if that was the legal limit of what he can do, or if he got called to something else. But damn, I cant believe I didnt get a DUI that night. I've been clean from drinking for like 6 months now, that addiction was literally killing me. im terrified of becoming an alcoholic again but right now im on medication that would give me strokes if i drink so thats strong motivation not to start again lol.

Mild inconveniences my ass you dumbass asshole, you haven't changed one bit yourself

I'm aware that I'm mentally ill. I don't want pity and I do not seek for redemption or salvation.

When I built my first PC my mom was extremely against it. I fought her tooth and nail and got my will but 30 years later she was right. I can't say I wouldn't do it again but I would have been aware of the dangers.

I dont like those uppity women that come in the -------. They have a bitchy attitudes and are only friendly with --------, theyre mega cunts and the guys too. Wish I could quit. I dont know why she goes to ----- ******. bitches man. Men are right women are the nword of the genders, I know not all of them. Wish someone would ruin their days like they've been ruining mine.

I'll go for the hail Mary throw if this is it. Won't save anything for the swim back this time.

>>33736506
I don't know if I really even see a point to taking care of myself anymore. Not even they gays actually want me.

>>33736506
Thank god my gf is only 4 11
My average dick looks fucking huge inside her

>>33746467
Ew gross, she probably gave you nasty stds

>>33746473
she gave me clap, I have her aids
Match made in heaven

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i need a new hobby
everything is so boring
i feel like ive accomplished all my goals and am just drifting

>>33745943
what's the point if you cant be vulnerable and clear about the future with your partner? you owe her that

if it start something new it just feels like a waste of time, or hurts physically
im so bored but i cant do anything

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ughh i just want to sleep but im not tired enough yet fuck

I fucking hate hate hate hate hate the fact you brought up some random dude you hooked up with, even tho it was you dunking on him being an asshole about his dick size, in the first few days of us meeting. I hate and resent you for saying that to me, even though you have since greatly apologized to me about it.

In fact I think I hate and resent myself more for still dating you after you even said that. Even though you've been such a sweet and considerate girl since who has matured a lot, I can't get the fucking words out of my head that "horniness struck and we went back to his room and his dick was so mid". God I fucking hate hate hate you for saying that to me. I think of you saying that every night because it fucking disgusts me

I don't think I respect you honestly and every month after has just been me acting as if I respect you and using every other thing as copium

I should've been stronger and decided to fucking stop talking to you right as you said that, but i was so blinded by your affection and attention and by my own fear of insecurity that I tried to let it go

I only have two options now. Either I get over this some how or we break up. I can't stand this otherwise

"Growing up" and maturing is about giving yourself up to mental illness.

A, I kind of wish you would find out what you want in life instead of bouncing between different and random interests and edgy shit. Pay off your loans and stop playing gacha games and donating to vtubers.

C, I wish you would have a bit more empathy.

K, Admit you do all these things for attention and just rip off the bandaid.

E, I wish you would talk about something other than baseball, Binding of Issac, Anime figurines and stupid anime gacha games. You are smart but you get locked into the same three creature comforts and its holding you back. Life will get better and wasting your money on stupid shit will only make it worse.

Q, Going back to your ex is going to kill you, especially since you're moving in with her. I am here for the fall but god damn, you might be making a big mistake. Follow us to one anime convention and you'll drop her immediately.

>>33746584
Bahhahahahahahahahahahaha

So my birthday gift to myself a bit ago fell through where I had to spend over a month trying to fix things and it never worked out. That's why I'm allowing myself to splurge a little bit on myself here to compensate.

I got my money back from that one thing that fucked up, mostly.

Ironically, more options start to open up when you become desperate

>>33746933
I have never known that to be the case

Thank you for always taking what I said and saying it back to me later as if it was your idea. What the fuck?

>>33746936
Hm

>>33747140
It only appears to open up when your desperate. What's happening is that your desperation enables you to consider options you'd previously disregard or never bother considering in the first place.

>>33745991
Bruh
He had you dead to rights, where the fuck do you live where the officer can't just point to the beer in your console and keep you pulled over?

>>33747160
I see

Really wanna fuck my gfs best friend
She's a total bitch and wears the skimpiest clothes whenever she's at my gfs place with us. She talks like a fucking prude but dresses like the classiest slut. I wanna hate fuck her so fucking bad just so i can slap the ever loving fuck out of this cunt

If I had known ten years ago that I'd end up being my age, having lost all my friends, not enjoying hobbies anymore and being stuck in a job I hate...
I think I need to start from scratch but I don't even care about anything anymore. I would like to NEET and sleep my life away, but I need money to survive. And I survive I don't know for what reason, like what's the point when I feel like shit every day anyway.