Probably the miscarriage

I still think about what that kid mightve been like. Also ended up destroying the relationship.

Life could have gone a drastically different direction
A better one

>>33738003
Thinking I was a normal person and having normal people dreams.

Then, it slowly crept on me that I was not normal but severly mentally ill and intellectually deficient. I wish I knew from the start that was the case, because I humiliated myself so much.

I spent years wondering why I had no friends in school and why people would talk to me like a toddler. Or why no woman ever asked me why. Or why everyone had this uncomfortable/disgusting face when I made those presentations in class. Or even why I ended up working in a factory while literally everyone else seem to have office, engineering, medical, etc. jobs.

Yeah, wish I knew back then I should have kept my life expectations low.

Fuck this shit world.

going on this site, was expecting more than just jaded faggots who project their misery onto everyone thinking theyre actually le redpilled and deep

none. God is great

>>33738036
>Then, it slowly crept on me that I was not normal but severly mentally ill and intellectually deficient. I wish I knew from the start that was the case, because I humiliated myself so much.

Relate bro. Maybe not to your extent but I think the "everyone is equal and dream big shit" needs to stop big time. Jews already use it to trap kids in student loans they can't pay off , nobody is served by this shit.

The reason they don't do it is cause they don't actually know what to do with you - there's not enough jobs to go around for the grunt work anyway.

>>33738003
The expectation of female fidelity. Women don't really love like men love. They'll just jump ship if they think it's sinking even though they might have been the one poking holes in the hull. Anything that makes them feel bad emotions or boredom is enough for them to just ditch what they've built.

After experiencing a cheating partner a few times, I've just become cynical towards women despite being in a serious relationship. I keep hope alive but I have trust issues I don't really see a way around. It definitely hurt when it happened and my only solace was to just lower my expectations. That's really the big disappointment - lowering your expectations for something you had hyped up so much.

My childhood

>>33738054
many people fell for this trap, me included, I regret everyday

>>33738003

I’m in my 20s, and just now realizing I’ve speedran my youth on the “Easy Mode” tutorial and still managed to lose. I’ve been the definition of a late bloomer except the bloom never happened, it’s just been dirt and sadness the whole time.

I used to cope by saying “I don’t care what people think,” but let’s be real: I did. I was bullied for everything, my clothes, my haircut, my posture, probably even the way I breathed. I looked like a stock image of “lonely nerd” and embraced it like a clown putting on his makeup.

Now college is basically over, and what do I have to show for it? Hours of gaming, gallons of coom, and a GPA my parents are proud of (but I’m not). No memories, no adventures, just the smell of sweat and cum stained on my chair & computer.

So here’s the PSA:
Stop waiting for life to happen. Take risks, be cringe, fail hard, but do something. Because trust me, being the “safe and responsible” good boy just turns into another flavor of loser.

Or don’t. What do I know? I’m just the cautionary tale.

>>33738321
A loser will lead a loser's life. You can't just say "do something!!1!" and think someone will become a chad. Losers didn't choose to have autistic traits, to be ugly and to lack motivation to pursue greater goals.

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>>33738102
This. I’ve managed to screw my life up over romantic ideals.

>2nd most disappointing?
Being a professional musician. The practice was the easy part. Performance was even a breeze, though I never cared for clapping. But the amount of obstacles, drugged out asshole promoters, predatory shit people that lie in wait, and just the sheer grind of low-level indie rocking across 16 countries was not what i had planned.

Instead, I had accomplished this all by age 31, and saw that the next tiers of “success” were this but magnified. While I wouldn’t be fighting gypsies in Strasbourg or fighting off gay dudes in Manchester, I saw that most successful bands were either a) fully funded by family or b) a front for drug distribution. I don’t mind either, but I saw people get busted or blow millions (your bus and all) on a fruitless attempt of pretending to be Lady Gaga on daddy’s dime. And for them to pretend to be poor was like bitter icing on the bitter cake.

Worse, my buddy has played every big name classical venue on the East Coast and other gigs that I won’t doxx himself over, but he was WORSE off.

Don’t get me wrong - you will have fun, get special dispensations, and have orgies. Yes, but the industry died after Napster and Lars was right to resist.

In conclusion, I just hate to admit that the naysayers were right for the wrong reasons - “there’s no money in it.”

I’ll add that my friend can’t escape, as all his connections are not easily replaceable. I can’t either, and I’m in the middle of eBaying all my excess gear I accumulated because I miscalculated my rent. I’ve been making music as ever, and each free moment has me dashing down some lyrics, writing a strange progression in piano, or transcribing a passing melody. I don’t know if this brings me success, but this is the closest I can find for fulfillment until I start a family.

>>33738003
>What was the biggest disappointment of your life?
With hindsight, not getting diagnosed as autistic several decades earlier.

>>33738003
realizing that a job at mcdonalds needed a degree and experience

>>33738757
im young and I thought about being a writer , but I get similar vibes to your story about the writing industry - its literally a "who you know" or are you willing to bend to the LGBTQ Knee -- kinda space and its waaaay easier to copy and rip off others now and claim AI did it as a defense

>>33738934

the strat is to become an influencer first THEN have a book ready to release and slowly build your name.

>>33738942
Oh yeah, just become an influencer. Easy peasy.

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>>33738934
It’s funny that you mention that, as I also work as a writer and have for the last 25 years. Starting out at The Stony Brook Press, I authored the record number of articles in one semester (70) because they would publish anything. Then, I published ten eBooks on my own and have more out there, but the joy of writing (like some music endeavors) is to have crystallized thoughts and rare opinions.

It wasn’t as disappointing, though it is as bad as music. I had to almost fistfight an editor at The Portland Mercury (fuck yiu Erik) because he fucked with a query I sent, and then cowered behind his desk when I came in-person to knock him out.

Still, I ended up selling my books as part of my moneymaking as a busking musician. Once someone pays money or lets you live on their couch or thinks you can officiate their wedding (ha!), you’re a writer.

I still have juice for music and writing, though. But career wise, it’s a wash. I make six-figs now and Im preparing to purchase a home. The humor was never lost on me that I was writing about luxury properties in Colorado while I was freezing in a tent in Northampton, MA and fighting off raccoons over my banana peels.

Somehow, that solitude in nature was never disappointing. The animals actually care about you and look out for you. I’d hear coyotes howling in full moon glory or watch rabbits for hours go about their stop-start flop-jump day. To end up in the forest because I pursued a writing career and a music career I suppose is the reward that money can’t buy.
>I will never have a midlife crisis

>>33739112
congrats for actually attacking your dreams but you seem like a social and capable guy.

If u were an introvert shut in would u still have pursued writing?

>>33739136
I was forced to be social and capable as a survival mechanism. I grew up very housepoor so I always knew that I would be lacking in common skills, but could make up the distance by acquiring skills by sheer Will as a shut-in. I was actually a virgin until 18, and I mostly was monk mode practicing music/writing to become “undeniable”. I used to dread ordering pizza because I would have to chat with the counter guys. I was persona non grata at school because my family was poor. I had to walk to school, which was 3 miles each way - not a single person picked me up until the last day of school and they were all shocked at how far I’d walk. You learn to be a shut in as a defense mechanism.

Socially, I was homeless in Portland Oregon back in 2005, and I had to befriend everyone for a place to stay or to have a social network to launch my book projects. The same deal happened t college previous to this, but I ran out of money and never really could get the ball rolling - I was also working at WUSB 90.1FM and working at a cab company.

It was the cab company that really sparked my desire to write - I actually had a popular column in the SB Press, and for nearly the first time, women were coming up to me and chatting. Once I knew I could chat with most strangers, I started to promote myself by dropping my zine in the MAX, slipping it in coffee shops, and even put it in the Multnomah County zine library. Heck, I even printed a short story and slapped that in the windshields of parked cars.

You just have to be desperate.
>I still am.

>>33738003
Having my dream job be SWE and then actually getting that job. Your two paths in this field are either slave labor at a startup, or working at an enterprise, which is the same amount of work as a startup except instead of writing software you're just copypasting shit but in some horrifically inefficient and bureaucratic way that takes up way too much time. Now I'm laid off because this field is going through what manufacturing went through during the Bush era.

>>33739222
>slave labor at a startup

This happened to me - I would not wish these cliquey people on my worst enemy. I was perfectly fine with being let go but they somehow found a way to make it painful for no reason and sent me into a depression afterwards - the personalities I had to deal with literally scarred me and called my self worth as a human being into question. And they are banking on you being a junior or whatever that doesn't stand up for yourself like so many nerds basically are.

>>33738003
Kind of my entire life is one big disillusionment process, it is what it is.

>>33739328
>disillusionment
Eh, that’s kind of the fun part. In my most psychedelically fueled states, you kind of see everything as both pointless and the most important thing.

>disappointmeny
This seems like you’ve got had imho. I mean, with women, most men go from complete indifference to insatiable interest as we age or just after the sex act. The disappointment seems to come with unrealistic expectations that are implanted somewhere (media, culture, religion). What the unabomber called “surrogate activities” though is where the real disappointment lies. No one really feel disappointed when you build something for survival - it’s when we are safe, we are thrust in some hall of mirrors

>>33738003
Becoming a shut-in NEET
Giving up on my custom operating system
Failing to convert my programming skills into a good videogame
Failing to convert my writing skills into an essay (i have nothing digestible by anybody else worth talking about) or a novel
Getting fat

Or you could just say "My pathetically talentless self"

>>33739548
Like could you guys actually blame me for going out of my way to spread large-scale terror and death then killing myself?

>>33738016
Sorry anon. Have been there and saw everything happen. That will be with me forever. Like a deep scar. We decided to name him and have a grave stone. It helps.

>>33738003
Sex for the first time. Using a condom sucks. I was like seriously this is what people obsess over? Since then I cannot use a condom. Totally pointless if you do

>>33738003
Realizing my mother had me as a strategic move so she would have a consistant income and nothing more

NEETed from 2016 to 2019 without actually improving my life.
So much free time that I could have used for working out, learning a skill, and getting ahead with some health stuff.

>>33739600
True

>>33739560
>going out of my way to spread large-scale terror and death then killing myself?

u couldn't even if you wanted too. Unless you seriously dedicated yourself to cybersecurity - thats the only large scale thing u could even remotely touch. Lets say you go dark side -- real criminals will see right through you and take you basically hostage.

If u mean mass shoooting "oooo u killed 3 people so scary , so memorable!" said nobody ever. You're a blip for a week and ruined peoples lives over literally nothing

>>33739735
That is A LOT more people than anyone wants to admit , don't feel too bad about this. Kids are a business for many immigrant families

>>33739797
The dark side of the immigrant mentality

>>33739797
Dude, I'm white. She had a string of short term husbands and hook-ups, started losing her looks and then "subtled down"

>>33739864
Settled* I am a retard dont mind me

>>33738003
I'm currently dating a very cute 18yo girl and I'm very happy with her, even tho I double her age and then some
but that has made me think that all these years I wasted with average looking girls because I didn't move around more and limited to girls in my immediate circles
she's totally outside of my usual circles, economic wise, hobby wise, cultural wise
if I knew I had a pull of potential 9s if I only swallowed my pride of "only girls into art or literature or artsy movies or punk or emo" and just tried meeting and dating anyone my life would be so much different I think
I mean she's pretty and I'm happy with her but it gives me pause, who knows what I'd be doing and with whom right now.

>>33739864
Why don't you do the same thing? You could get government money and a brand new apartement for literal peanuts.

>>33739912
As a man who lived his entire life as an omega level NEET, I have no future to speak of whatsoever.

drugs

Growing up in the 90s with DARE they told you they were so fucking twisted and dangerous. after i became an adult and got depressed i did every fucking drug. i figured with how fucked up and extreme they were something would be enough to scramble my brain and make me a different person than the guy i hated. in reality? there's only 3 drugs

>makes you warm and stupid and dopey
>makes you peppy and talk too much and heart beat fast
>warps your sense of time and makes you think ordinary things like blood vessels in your eyes slightly distorting your vision are "hallucinations"

none of them are particularly good
none of them change you
none of them put anything in you that wasn't there already

compared to the hype and amount of laws and extreme punishments, nothing is more disappointing than drugs, flat out

>>33738016
Fuck.

>>33738003
>>33738016
>>33738104
My child.

>>33738003
>Hereditary old bitch
uhm, whats that Goetian sigil on the pendant she is wearing????
and why are they showering her with gold coins?????
why do you have such a photo OP??????

>>33740961
forgot to answer
>the biggest disappointment
getting hyped by my parents for german highschool, getting told it is "elitist" and i have to work 300% as hard and then when i was there, the students were low iq faggots that knew no thing, was surely one of the bigger ones

the next big one was incarnating into this dystopian discount hellhole RA°lity matrix and being forced to enjoy entropy with all its facets, like death, time, energy, parasitic entities, disharmonics, bodily disabilities et cetera
developing narcolepsy, massive sleep problems and therefore depression

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>>33738003

>>33740973
That is an actual good one. Changing my answer to this.

>>33738003
women.
They're treacherous animals

>>33740961
>why do you have such a photo OP??????
I postes that pic because basically my "grandma" was just like the character in the film Hereditary, one character that ruined her entire family. You could say that she's the source of evil, not even human, just a witch.

>>33738003
>lost my single truth

>>33739767
Guns are not the only type of weapon available to me, frankly.
And "criminals" wouldn't "look right through me", kek, what scenario are you even talking about you idiot?

>>33738003
I come from an upper middle class family and they led me down the path of doing the right thing my whole life, made basically spotless professional decisions since I was 13-14. I had a good GPA in HS, graduated High School with scholarships, went to a great university, got a bachelor's and master's degree in STEM and business field, started investing in retirement at 22, lived just outside NYC making a lot for a few years, then got a decent paying job in a MCOL city. I just turned 30 a few months ago, make 125k/yr and have just under 750k between my retirement accounts, Roth IRA, HSA, Rollover IRA, and personal investment accounts. But in the end, my parents never guided me on developing myself socially and I failed to adapt, I have few acquaintances and fewer friends, I haven't dated since I was 21 in college due to career focus and moving every two-three years to get higher pay and better benefits. So I have all the financial freedom in the world but I don't know how to interact with people, I don't know how to talk to women anymore, hell I don't even know where to find people that would be friends with. I think I am kind of fucked, I'm not stunningly attractive and have zero success with dating apps despite my professional status. I don't know why I am even doing it anymore, it's all pointless. I have started considering suicide, I missed out on the best parts of my life for money that I can't even really enjoy.

>>33742294
Start with becoming (socially) human again. Connect with other people on the sidelines, just for the occasional interaction. Some of those might click and have a second interaction, a third, become friends.
And on a parallel track, list things you'd like to do just for their own sake (even if it's financial minmaxxing), and see which ones of those you can do non-solo, even if it's having an occasional chat with a friend about the latest investing meta or which types of landscape make you feel something and how to capture them properly with DSLR.

>>33738036
You seem pretty normal and rational based on your writing style anon

>>33742353
>Start with becoming (socially) human again.
How? Where?

>>33738003
I fell in love with the underdog rags-to-riches stories in the movies and thought I would find a way to become a millionaire as an adult. But turns out if you have shitty childhood and grow up poor, adulthood won't be good either with every odd against you. I'm a NEET with health issues in my mid 20s now.

>>33742447
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