>>33738763
I would stop showing more investment than she is. If she's prioritizing things she wants to do on a whim over you, then you shouldn't be changing your life around to accommodate her.

There's a lot of reasons why she could be acting the way she is and it's not really worth your mental health to try and figure out why (and trying to analyze it is typically a sign of OCD). My recommendation would be to try and not be so invested in this girl so if she changes plans on a whim, you aren't affected, otherwise trying to pursue anything with her will just be more of the same and leave you emotionally drained. Of course that's even assuming she's interested in the first place.

>>33739019
I agree with your comment. I believe most guys here never had a single girl show true interest and desire on them.
If they ever had contact with a girl that actually wants them, they would never put up with the bullshit girls that are on the carrousel pull.
>>33738763
By the way, real men shouldn't dance bachata. Only faggots and bissexual actors can go on shaking their hips, because they are already gay to begin with.

If you ask her to go out with you and the answer is ANYTHING other than a YES, the answer is no. A lot of women are fake because they think most men are out to kill them. It’s just the name of the game. Her real answer is right there when she’s not face to face with you. Grow some self respect and start ignoring her

>>33738763
OP here, small update on my situation, she replied to my text saying Tuesday won't work for her, so looks like we're doing next Thursday, which means I'll have to skip choir, which is okay as long as we actually meet. If she cancels again then I'll feel super bad, like I should have ignored her to begin with.

>>33739019
Thank you man, that's the best advice I could have asked for. I've just never been asked out by a girl before and when she did that I really felt like I should reciprocate, so I didn't even tell her that I'd have to skip choir to go to the dance party with her. But then yeah she just cancelled so quickly and easily, and now it affected me, so the plan is now to go dancing as partners next Thursday, and I'm deciding that whether next Thursday happens or not - I won't let her change my plans around anymore moving forward. Thank you for your advice

>>33739037
You're a fag who can't even Google, in bachata you hold girl really close, you spin her and you hold her waist, her back, her hands, there's zero hip shaking

>>33740488
Her answer was yes the first time, that still didn't stop her from not texting me.
And weeks later SHE asked ME out, so I thought holy shit. But then she cancelled. So I just really really really can't handle this hot-cold thing that she's putting on :( like other anon called it, carousel girls. I hate that.

After my dealings with her are done here, I'm going to be way more careful about changing plans around for this girl. Thanks for all of your advice so far

>>33738763
You will get the same advice you got the last time you posted this tale of woe. She clearly feels friendly toward you - but not much more than that. You are nice to be around but not worth going out of her way for

A friend who is a girl and fun to be around and occasionally dance with - and nothing more than that - may not be what you dream of. But it is not a bad thing to have

>>33740989
I appreciate it man
Well last thread was about me wanting to ask her out, which I did, and she never followed through, so I let that go
But several weeks later, she surprised me - walked up to me and asked me if I want to go to a dance party with her as her partner. And I've never been asked out by a girl before so it was quite special for me.
I saw that as her going out of her way for me, so I wanted to do the same.
I've texted her now, I said
"I'm actually skipping a choir rehearsal to go to this party because I really want to go with you, so I just want to know this time it will happen haha"
So now I explicitly told her that I'm going out of my way because I want to see her.
I feel like I was being unfair by not telling her that I'm going out of my way to see her. As far as she knows I'm just a dude who goes to school and goes straight back home and sometimes dances. So now I've let her know.
If she goes like "oh no don't skip it for me blah blah blah" then I won't fight it, I'll tell her fine, then we can go on a Tuesday or on a Saturday (because those are my only free days) and we'll see what happens from there. Alternatively, if she replies: "oh! You can be sure that it's happening this time" then I can be happy knowing that she actually wants this and isn't just super casual about it. So yeah, good outcome all around, no matter what she says
And I did the right thing by correcting my mistake now, and maybe she'll even steer me back into not going out of my way for her. Which I'm totally fine with, because a relationship (any relationship, not just romantic) has to be reciprocal
So yeah
And I appreciate your words, you're right, having a female friend who goes to dance parties with me is also very good and cool

>>33740904
>took nearly 12 hours to get back to you, probably more since that's just when you posted
wew

>>33741024
>"I'm actually skipping a choir rehearsal to go to this party because I really want to go with you, so I just want to know this time it will happen haha"
>So now I explicitly told her that I'm going out of my way because I want to see her.
That comes across as extremely clingy, especially for a girl you haven't been on a date with yet. She will likely pull back more now.

OP here, I'll give a final update to the thread:
The girl messaged me saying she thinks we shouldn't go because she feels like she's giving me the wrong idea about us and that she wants to only dance, and still enjoys me as a dance mate. I wrote her a message back that It's fine, that I wasn't sure what my expectations were either but that they didn't strictly go one way or the other, and that I just found her to be a very nice girl. I assured her that I won't assume anything romantic so she doesn't have to be worried about that (because I think this is the main anxiety of girls, and of me as well), I told her that she can still come to my concert and hang out with me as friends if she wants to, and thanked her for her communication.

I'm honestly happy to get this ending, because this girl has been going between hot-cold with me. I was more than happy to accept that she doesn't want me after she didn't text me in week 3, but then she came up to me and invited me for a dance party. That was her mistake. I'm happy that I could have this learning experience in a safe way, and now I got to have this experience. We will keep dancing together in class and nothing will be weird, I can move on with my life with my new experience, onto new and more wanting girls.

In other news, I'm continuing to lose weight, and the better I look the more girls approach me, which I really enjoy.

So that concludes the Bachata girl saga, thanks to everyone who read and gave advice. I won't be making a third thread unless she starts hanging out with me and turns into my girlfriend, then I'll come here to update. Otherwise, there's this really nice girl I met at a medieval fantasy festival and we hung out for 4 hours and danced for 3, I'm seeing her in 3 weeks. Fingers crossed that this one doesn't cancel either haha. Let's fucking make her into my next dear girlfriend. Thanks a lot bros, happy anniversary to 4chan and good luck to you all!!

>>33738763
You're the dutch guy, right? Well, I'm a guy, and I act like her, because for me in person shit is where communication works. The people I'm with in person are who gets my energy. The next, lower priority are calls from people I prioritize. Texting is a distant third nice to have for when I have the energy, and that's not often.
So she might be like that, and she probably already has more of a life than me.
Give the girl a call to see what she's up for, else talk to her at the next class.

>>33742001
Cheers man, you remember well haha, I am indeed the Dutch guy, and I agree with you fully about how in person is where you build the connection, and texting is just to make the appointment. The problem is she easily cancelled after inviting me to the party and it really messed up my schedule. But now I know that she simply doesn't want to mislead me into thinking that I'm a somebody for her. And that's okay. Moving on to the next girl and beyond!!

>>33741418
I'm glad to see you aren't bitter about this, that mentality will serve you well.
Now it's time for introspection, look at how you could have handled things different and apply those lessons to the future, repeat until you've got what you truly want.

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>>33743592
>I'm glad to see you aren't bitter about this, that mentality will serve you well.
>Now it's time for introspection, look at how you could've handled things different and apply those lessons, repeat until you've got what you truly want.
thank you so much man, sage advice

It's hard not to be bitter, I know that more than half of this board would give in, I would have given in - but the only reason I'm not is because I simply do so much. I do too much to not feel important in some way. Like, I have my acting people, my singing people, my dancing people, my school people, and these are all different people. So I feel like a different guy, at different times, so I am able to forget things and get over things more easily.

And when I was a hermit in March this was NOT the case. I would have been disappointed, angry, depressed, bitter, to hell and back.

desu I'm not too sure what I could have done differently, I think I was respectful. She didn't want me, and now made it clear. I chalk it up to - she's not my person. And that's okay.
Our interaction was respectful, and that's where it will end. That should be totally fine to me, so I'm trying to be fine with this.

One day I THINK (Hope? Know??) that this person will come. Because my other girlfriends they have all made it exceedingly easy for me to become a couple.

What I think is that my looks really play a major role in real-life human interaction. Plus the type of people.
In acting group I feel so good, like I belong, like I'm in a family, in Choir I also feel so close to some of the people - they get me. My love for singing.
And in medieval festival when I meet people - there's so much in common, we're all D&D nerds into folk music and cosplaying and medieval times, and all of the girls are fucking hot. even the non-hot ones are hot, because they're into all this nerdy shit and I wanna put my c*ck in their c*nt
anyway

So It's time to become the mother fucking hulk and go to the gym, It'll surely HELP

>>33743759
It really is hard to not be bitter, and it's okay to acknowledge any hard feelings, that's natural. What becomes unhealthy is if you continue to hold onto them and drag you down.
>And when I was a hermit in March this was NOT the case. I would have been disappointed, angry, depressed, bitter, to hell and back
Exactly! So you've already made tangible progress and will continue to make progress in the future
>desu I'm not too sure what I could have done differently, I think I was respectful. She didn't want me, and now made it clear. I chalk it up to - she's not my person. And that's okay.
Our interaction was respectful, and that's where it will end. That should be totally fine to me, so I'm trying to be fine with this.
That's a good starting point. One critique I would make is from what you've said, it seemed like you were putting her on a pedestal and putting the desire to see her over your own life which is an easy trap, especially if you're operating from a scarcity mindset (eg, canceling your choir practice to go on a date with a girl giving you mixed signals). A girl that is interested in you will not give you mixed signals. Also, women can sense neediness, so you want to make sure you prioritize your life and don't be too readily available. When your relationship actually develops into a relationship, you can start prioritizing it more, but it shouldn't be your entire reason for happiness, it should be like the cherry on top of your already fulfilling life if that makes sense. Once you are able to genuinely be happy with yourself, love yourself and enjoy your own company you will find that people will naturally be drawn to you.
>One day I THINK (Hope? Know??) that this person will come. Because my other girlfriends they have all made it exceedingly easy for me to become a couple.
This is something you should look at and compare to situations like this. Those girls genuinely liked you so they made it easy. If a girl likes you, she will make it easy

>>33743759
>>33743863
What I think is that my looks really play a major role in real-life human interaction. Plus the type of people.
In acting group I feel so good, like I belong, like I'm in a family, in Choir I also feel so close to some of the people - they get me. My love for singing.
And in medieval festival when I meet people - there's so much in common, we're all D&D nerds into folk music and cosplaying and medieval times, and all of the girls are fucking hot.
And this is exactly what you should be doing, finding joy in life from your own interests and it'll draw like-minded individuals to you.
>even the non-hot ones are hot, because they're into all this nerdy shit and I wanna put my c*ck in their c*nt
Well, just make sure to not fall for the trap of thinking with your dick, that can lead to heartbreak very easily. Trust me on this.
>So It's time to become the mother fucking hulk and go to the gym, It'll surely HELP
Do it, dude. Hopefully this helped a little.

>>33743869
Fucked up the formatting, meant to format it as:
>What I think is that my looks really play a major role in real-life human interaction. Plus the type of people.
>In acting group I feel so good, like I belong, like I'm in a family, in Choir I also feel so close to some of the people - they get me. My love for singing.
>And in medieval festival when I meet people - there's so much in common, we're all D&D nerds into folk music and cosplaying and medieval times, and all of the girls are fucking hot.
And this is exactly what you should be doing, finding joy in life from your own interests and it'll draw like-minded individuals to you.

>>33743863
>>33743869
>>33743874
Thank you so much sage anon, this is so valuable, I really really appreciate your advice and attention here

> Exactly! So you've already made tangible progress and will continue to make progress in future

Thank you so much man, I'm really trying. Unfortunately I'm very girl motivated. If nothing happens with girls, I become so fucking disappointed.. Today I'm disappointed because well, I got rejected by her yesterday, and today my choir didn't go for drinks right after.. I just feel so bad, and disappointed, and it's when I'm disappointed that I develop expectations, I get bold, and get disappointed again.. I'm so girl motivated, it sucks, but I really think it's also my nature as a man.. I can only try to suppress it, never eliminate it. I just feel so much like I'm at the bottom of the food barrel. 29, still in school, no spending money, yes I'm super outgoing, but overweight still even though I'm losing weight.

> One critique I would make is from what you've said, it seemed like you were putting her on a pedestal
> women can sense neediness,
Brother you are so fucking right.. I'm very aware of scarcity mindset and that's why I try to constantly meet new people, so that I feel it less. But I still feel it ;( I feel it a lot. I want to go to festivals alone. I want to dance. I want to make both girl and boy friends until something fits. I don't know any other way to meet lots of girls in dating age

And about my previous gf's, yes they made it easy, but they all started online, so I have no point of reference and have never moved an IRL friendship into a relationship. It's so freaking rare. I feel like such a beggar, I'm jealous of girls.

But thank you so much for your sage advice, and as hard as it is I'll carry on brother. And hopefully, one of l day, it will happen. And I'll make a thread, and I'll write how it happened, and if it was good

I'm like a baby, I want a girl to love me and take care of me 24/7, like my ex did