I don't know whatto do and I'm terrified and lost. My childhood dog of 12y, my best friend, died last year. I've been diagnosed with depression for years but this has made me suicidal. I've had to call hotlines and almost admitted myself. I just miss her so much. I can't stop crying. I more or less had built my life, my routines and goals, around her. We spent countless hours together in my room. Her napping while i was on the computer, cuddling on the bed looking out the window, she slept with me, in my room, on my bed, every night for 10+ years.I haven't been able to go in for long. The room is exactly how it was her last night with me. Her fur still everywhere, her bed and her blankets, the box of tissues used when I watched over her all that night, not sleeping. To condense, I've had another place to sleep, but. Circumstances have it so that I'm going to have to use my room again. I truly can't go in there without breaking down. I don't know how I'm supposed to dwell in there again without her.It's excruciating. To make myself clean up the last bits of her, the last remnants that she existed witb me. I can't bear cleaning up the last of her fur. Once I do, I'll never have to again. I'll never see it around, anywhere. The foot my bed, by the window, was her spot. She spend so, so many hours there. How can I think to move it? But how could i keep it as is with her not there? To put away her bed, her toys, forever? The room is like a time capsule now. It's truly fucking excruciating. Part of me wants a space for myself again, but feel so guilty. It feels like a disservice to her. I'm erasing the last of our life together. Putting her away. Once my room is cleaned and rearranged, the last remnants of her everyday with me will have been erased by my own hand. I dont know ehat to do. My chest aches. I miss her so fucking much and cant not cry when i think of her. How am i supposed to make myself erase her in this way. How should I go about this?
My family moved on seemingly instantly. No one talks about her or anything. As a bonus my mom is a mean spirited vengeful narcissist. She knows I'm struggling immensely but can't or won't have empathy. The most I get is a "awww." After expressing something. She's the one more or less forcing me to go back Into my room. I had been using a guest room but she decided that's her room now. I came home from work to find all my things thrown into the hallway one day. She added a lock to the guest room door. I've been sleeping on old couch cushions in another room. When my mom feels slighted by someone she turns malicious. She'll give the cold shoulder (her go-to shaming / punishment when we were kids), deliberately exclude, openly shit talk, move or throw away belongings, etc. I'm currently in that stage. I don't know what I did this time. And I do t have any friends or any means of support. I want to kill myself. There's really nothing for me , no one for me.My.own mother knows I'm suicidal but still chooses to antagonize and berate and put me down.
>>33740226Everyone’s dog dies.
>>33740226Get your own place and get a new dog. There are so many dogs out there that need an owner like you; why are you being so selfish as to deny them?
>>33741207Her end of life care drained my savings. Moreover I don't know I'd be ready for another dog. I want HER.
>>33742019It’s literally just a dog. Please grieve and then continue on
>>33742040You know nothing if you're saying this. She was my best friend . She kept me sane and from suicide so many times. She was my only support for so long. Grief is not linear and one-and-done. I don't WANT to move on from her, but I'd like to be able to gain some function back. If I had the stones to continue on I wouldn't be asking for advice on 4chan
>>33742019I'll ask my question again: are you really so selfish that you will deny another dog a good home just because you're still hung up on the old one?
>>33742085And I'll answer you again: her end of life care drained my savings. I don't have the funds to adopt again right now. Feel free to donate though
Please advise. How can I clean the room
This sounds really rough. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you anon. You'll see her again someday
