Every day feels heavy and meaningless. I'm not in college, I don't have any real friends I can talk to, and I can't find work. It's like I'm stuck on the outside of life, watching everyone else move forward while I stay in the same dark place.Talking to people feels almost impossible. I freeze up or sound weird and dry, and when I do talk I either say nothing or overshare because I'm so anxious. It makes me hate myself even more. I hate how I look, I hate my personality, I hate my living situation. I hate everything about myself.At home it feels suffocating. My family is so controlling and emotionally and religiously manipulative that I feel trapped. It's like there's no room to breathe.I feel like a failure in every part of my life. My twin sister is the complete opposite of me. Confident, liked, "better" and I'm constantly compared to her by everyone. Every time that happens it's like another piece of me disappears.I just feel empty and lost. It's been like this for years, I've went to therapy but my therapist was so dismissive. She'd respond with really short or generic comments like 'everyone feels that way sometimes' or 'just try to think more positive.' When I'd try to go deeper or explain how badly I was struggling, she'd either change the subject or jump straight to advice without listening. It made me feel like my feelings weren't being taken seriously, and I eventually stopped opening up because it felt pointless.I have no clue how to go about this anymore. I just want to feel better and try to get my life together. Any advice?
are you interested in college at all? your life feels meaningless because it kinda is. youve got to start doing stuff
>>33740957You made the biggest first step realizing you want to change, you need help, and your therapist is treating you too generally. She’s not dismissive she’s expecting that you have a reference point to return to - like the average patient. You aren’t an average patient because you either don’t or don’t believe you have that point of reference. I was able to overcome a similar problem with medication, self reflection, and a cohesive goal. The medication put me in a place that I could actually respond to cognitive behavioral therapy, not having a reference point for feeling like I was a useful part of the world held me back and having my brain chemistry forcibly corrected over months gave me that relief to move forward. Another big thing was discovering my ultimate goal. This goal finding process was a process. I changed goals from specific “I want to make friends and go out” to “I want to stop feeling threatened by the world around me and stop thinking the fearful irrational illogical thoughts that stifle my enjoyment of life.” Self reflection gave me perspective to go from “situations like A B and C make me uncomfortable" to asking “why does ABC make me feel frightened?” To “When and where did I really first feel this way, how does that event relate to today - if at all, and what happened to me to make this reaction the default instead of what other people do and seem to feel?”I discovered ultimately that I was tricking myself into thinking about things that didn’t relate to the situation at hand, that things completely unrelated to today were coloring my reactions, and that I was projecting ugly thoughts I had about myself into people that I had no real idea what they thought.
>>33740986Also want to add; if you've been isolated for a period of time,you're not going to magically turn your social situation around by going to college, or any socially intense spaces. Isolation does real damage to your brain and its going to take time to turn that around so you'll have to start slow
>>33741063Advice for starting slow with socialization, I’m not exactly where OP is but I’m spending too much time alone, awkward as fuck in every interaction even people I know get pushed out when I cross a line I didn’t know existed(I’d be finished if I had to talk to a woman to fuck one) but also(and this will sound gay) but I’ve been practicing speech as a meditative practice, where each word, carry every ounce of your intent, where the message is carried in your words like the containers on a barge, it’s hard to do in high pressure places though. Do you have any go to relatively safe practice ideas, catch is I really don’t have any money to spend on shit, 0$
>>33741110Fishing, unironically. You’ll get outside and people who fish recreationally will be receptive to you talking to them about what they’re doing, if they’re finding success, tips and they won’t be offended or think it strange if you just want to do your own thing quietly.
>>33740986I’m in the same spot as OP. With college do you follow your passion, even if it may be impractical at first when it comes to money like something art-y, or something only practical like business or something? And is community college worth it?
>>33741145>is community college worth it?Yeah, you'll at least get an associate's degree out of it. Plus if you really want to, they'll help you transfer to a 4-year university, and it'll be cheaper if you had just started with the university.>With college do you follow your passionPersonally, I wouldn't recommend studying something financially impractical unless you had enough money (or some kind of scholarship) to get you through it. You should do some research on different careers and learn about what they're like on a day-to-day basis. There's forums for pretty much everything now so one of those would be a good resource in talking to people in whatever field. If you can't find something you'd actually enjoy, look for something you can tolerate doing that fits your skill-set. Or a skill you could tolerate learning
