I’m gonna diaryfag and run on here so stick with me please I hope I can make some sense, shit, cause I got way too much going on in my head right now it’s 4:00 am in NYC and I can’t sleep(never happens really), but it’s been like this since my twin sister passed away from NOTHING the coroner could definitively say 5 years ago when we were both freshly 18yo and headed into our respective colleges. (Gonna get all of this out super briefly but I could write a lot about any piece of my life in the last 5 years, would love to talk more in the thread though) basically her death really turned my will to live off…started using cannabis daily or multiple times a day, stealing from my parents, DOING NOTHING and then get more depressed about doing nothing, had lots of degen sex with people I didn’t know but already had powerful emotions for, I listened to discord trannies in a faggotwignat saying that hating niggers and trooning out, for a year we’re good ideas(like publicly(nothing irreversible tho)) 2 mental breakdowns that resulted in hospitalization. Before this starts sounding like a sob fest, I will say now, that I’m repairing my will to live, returning to the development of my practical faculties, and preparing/seeking productive work. I’m just gonna part 2 this hold up
Yeah sorry for the errors but I’m rollin now…yeah so basically after the second hospitalization I was 22 and had been out of work for a few months but also didn’t have anything positive going on, that combined with other factors lead my parents to basically kick me out of their house(which was totally fair atp) but anyway really did a bunch of inpatient therapy in ATL like 3months of terrible social workers taking at you for 8 hours a day, while you are away from everything you ever loved…anyway I had multiple girls at one point but while in the hospital is was one that called every night we said we’d be exclusive anyway complicated shit I’m bouta move out of the program, I want to see this girl, that is breaking up with me just as I’m getting able to see her again, but she’s a thoughtless hoe, so she tells me if I lived in NYC it’d be different. January 2025, find sober house and job in NYC(things fall out with the girl same old shit pretty much, but I don’t care I love this city, I was born here, there are ALOT of problems but I wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. Drop the first job quick, pick up and lose two more(random retail jobs) and now we’ve set some context…Gonna start a new comment cause this is when the pressing matters begin.
Really the shit on my head right now, that is personal stuff (last post is gonna be how I’m relating to politics right now) but anyway I’ll just get it off my chest. I sold the fully maxed MacBook my dad just bought me to a cash out place for 1/3 value, bought clothes weed shrooms and drunk girls more drinks, sold a special set of golf clubs for less than 1/3 value and spent all the money in less than a day. And after all that and I really didn’t have shit worth selling. And I’m just gonna say what I say extrapolate what you will(I have a little story fully explains the instance currently being prosecuted if you want me to drop it) but I am being charged with successfully executing a knife point robbery in downtown manhattan. Now I have to provide more details about that but basically I’m out on supervised release right now awaiting trail. My parents don’t know about this and I’m using a public defender……
I dont know what to do, I have so much in the balance, I feel like a retarded NEET to which everything is happening…and I’m not paying pawns(as opposed to the chess player) so much attention these days but the stuff with White people getting the skin shamed off them, whatever the hell is going on with the Judeo Masonic satanic Clinton foundation United States of israel child sex trafficking and political blackmail machine, and just the misery of other people pushed onto you just adds to all the shit I’m already feeling about trying to man up, get my life on track , and start chipping away at whatever my fate is….
Can someone pray with me on this, or drop some pure gold /adv/ice
>>33740972You need to completely swap your shit out maybe. You can stay in the city but there are different levels. If nothing else, life is less complicated when you have eight hours worth of truck to unload. Were you on a fucked path before the death? I cannot imagine that. Most science on twins were conducted by the Germans in the first half of the twentieth century. Wild stuff. Im confused about the rest of the chicks. You going steady? You are wild and free but must establish a Clark Kent world and find one from that universe. Someone who complements your shortcomings. Women are pretty much the same. You’d now more than I, but you know, birds of a feather. Stay away from drag downs. I will give prayer a shot for you. I quit believing for the longest and still do not, in the conventional sense but it has become obvious that the world is governed by magic and chaos and the hidden unknown cannot be ignored as if it is not there. We are spirits trapped in a physical realm ruled by the god of god’s chosen people.
>>33741054Thank you bro. Yeah I’d take warehouse work for no pay right now if I didn’t need food. Chicks are bogus, I used to be able to smash anything(man, women, 4/10-9/10) but honestly shits changed so much I really just want a White girl(lmao I know) and be on that family path…and yeah dude you’re 110% right before my sister passed, I had just figured out how to cope with ADHD and dyslexia in school I was preparing to mark zuck my way through college with a bunch of cool CS side projects that would also blend my political beliefs, no drugs or alcohol, I had the cutest blonde chick(stg my dick(6”) never felt a better fit) but yeah after her death I got deep into criminality, which has always been an itch but not caring if you live or die, well…..you’ll do some crazy shit. Yeah I’m recalibrating but I haven’t done anything good in 5 years expect manic efforts after some random inspiration but I’m 23 now with a love of learning but the only math in my head right now small weights arithmetic. I want to think about work and school the this trial that’s less than a month away is coming up and I really don’t have a clue what’s going to happen among everything that could. Yeah practically I’m only doing very occasional one night stands if I’m between super horny and super criminal, I look at the 10/10 chicks around me and one looks at me and I get like an incel things are so stacked up right now I’m looking at the chick would cut off my pinky to fuck her, but I couldn’t possibly with good conscience bring her anywhere near the shit in my head right now(they do love to think they have you totally figured out, so if you’re hiding something heavy it won’t work) yeah so not steady with any chick right now. I think the case will be alright, I know I’m a resilient person, but the shame I’m feeling about selling those golf clubs, one random weekday for 600$ when my dad and I spent months taking lessons and getting fitted(continued)
>>33741095My heart is broken, and I’m too stoned to care(alright grant me some dramatics I’m youngish)
>>33741099Cold turkey the drugs, plan up getting in college or whatever gets you to a career, talk with the defender about this - you have potential, the judges might be lenient if they see that and if you do execute on that. Once you get stable enough, maybe buy back that club set (if findable) to return to your father, just for the sake of partially undoing one of the things.
>>33742611Yeah I still believe I can get right, but some of the shit I did just gonna have to be chalked up as a fuckup/learning pain. The golf clubs were fitted for me, sold on eBay by an nyc reseller to who knows. Same goes for all trust I broke with my parents, again and again and again, we can never have the same relationship after what I said and did, they cried so many nights, and my dad got literally sick over me when I was at my worst. I cry sometimes to over that, but I know the only way is forward, and it’s gonna be more pain, but maybe it’ll be worth something. Yeah I gotta kick the weed, which is all I intoxicate myself with these days. Ironically I have more resources to help myself than ever thanks to the arrest and social workers that handle supervised release. Not that this case and whole arrest thing has been anything easy(central bookings near nyc city hall has got to be a bucket list item if not already, too lit, those dudes had me actually laughing out loud(free em up)) I have never had less control over something so important in my life. There’s too many variables to consider here but your right, the case will hopefully be sealed, dropped, or kicked to mental health court…..it’s a of sense underlying panic ever day the trial is closer, and I just have know way to accurately predict what will happen. Thanks for the input though, just getting this shit moving today, when I’d rather piss myself in public than take pictures of every tax document the irs has on me cause I need to prove I have to use a public defender. It’s probably not lost on anyone who uses 4chan over a period of time the world is fucked and getting worse, but I’ll say it again. The world, the state, the tools of the state are fucking evil either with conspiracy or willful neglect they are fucking the soul of every good soul.
