I've been living with my girlfriend relatively happily for just over a year now, but for the past three months I've been completely unable to get the idea of self-isolation out of my head, she makes me happy and I enjoy being around her, I would even say I love her but I just feel this constant sense of discomfort in her presence. We moved in with one another as soon as we started dating which also happened to be when I graduated from highschool and we both do online school while living in a studio so I don't really have any bearing on what adult life is like outside of the context of her constant presence. I'm not sure what to do, it feels like there are two versions of me in constant conflict in my head, there's this need for isolation, to not be perceived that is omnipresent, I can't bear to be in the presence of another 24/7 anymore but at the same time I also cannot bear the thought of losing or hurting her, I'm so scared I'll realize that I need her as soon as I don't have her and I'll end up chasing the shadow of her presence. I'm already hurting her and I hate seeing the effect my words have on her whenever I let her in on my thoughts. Should I just bite the bullet and try being alone? I know I could make it work with her but I worry these thoughts won't ever be surmountable if I'm around her 24/7. any direction would be helpful. thanks anons
>>33741274Look up avoidant attachment. You might have that. It can be overcome with therapy.
>>33741274You must spend 10 years in inceldom, so you learn to value your partners.
>>33741274Has it occurred to you that there might be other options besides being completely alone and being around your partner 24/7?Obviously you want to spend time with your partner; but you shouldn't be spending every single moment of every day with them. No relationship can handle that much pressure. You need to get out of the house more, and do other things; you need to spend time with other people; you need to spend *some* time alone to recharge. That doesn't mean you should split up, it just means you need some other experiences and people in your life.
>>33741274>I can't bear to be in the presence of another 24/7 anymoreYou could try getting a life outside the home, such as job of school. I imagine NEETing while living with someone would quickly become unbearable.
>>33741274Being around your GF that much in a small space would drive anyone crazy. You need to find a routine outside the home so you can both recharge with alone time or get a bigger house. You could also plan an hour of study where you both agree to a period of time without talking
>>33741336Volceldom in this particular case, not really necesary, OP just need to ask for some space and be alone with its own thoughts every now and then, she will understand and support it
>>33741280This. As an avoidant I understand your conflict all too well, OP.
>>33741274Oh jeez anon, what you describe is not a disease, you are fine.You are just beginning to realize you have a bit of a need for personal time, and that is 100% okay and does not mean you are a bad person.The solution? Simple: Move into an apartment where you have a room to fulfill your need of isolated me-time and make sure your partner understands this does not mean rejection of her, but rather that you need some me-time.
>>33746756Clarification: Take the partner with you.
>>33741274*Definitely* get some space in some way like the other anons say. Trying anything new could hurt anyone, but a lot less than leaving things unresolvedA different set of circumstances, but I actually came here to ask for direction too. It's different, but if it's as familiar as it looks, do be a bit selfish and ask/admit if she hurts you too. If getting the space other anons suggested fails, I urge you to learn if she has the opposite of avoidant attachment assuming you haven't asked or figured that out for yourself. Doesn't mean break up if she does, but it'd help you both if it isn't known. Try new things!
