I'm 31 and currently in the process of unwrapping one trauma after the other. In the past month, I've gotten over my ex, my older sister's treatment of me and smaller obsessions that have arisen in between. Currently, I'm dealing with my older brother. Likely, other things down the line are parents and relatives, if they trigger past trauma.Overcoming trauma gives you an immense release that is hard to describe. You stop avoiding subjects and you start feeling more secure. I used to obsess over these things, but I no longer am.I am currently in the process of figuring out the issue with my brother, and I need help.I'm thinking that in this thread, we can use the process I am developing, to help each other overcome our traumas.The process is as follows: (1/2)
>We ground ourselvesStop the rumination and focus on the moment. What do we feel. What can we hear. How does our heartbeat sound. Now – what obsession pops into our heads?>Define our fears (the hard part)Exactly what do we fear about our obsession? Unless we feel an emotional response, it is not the right fear. "I'm afraid I'll be hit" might be true but not deep enough. "If I'll be hit, I will be humiliated" might be truer but still not deep enough. "My dad will be disappointed if I get beaten up, ... He would disown me ... My dad is ready to disown me."Figure out what the underlying fear is.>Observe how it feels and accept it – the solutionOnce you've defined the fear, accept it."My dad is ready to disown me and I observe how that feels in my body." Does it feel heavy or dull? Is it tingly or sharp? Is it in your chest, arms or back? Throat? Does it have a shape or a color? Observe how it feels and feel it through. When you're ready, open your eyes."My dad is ready to disown me."Now take a big deep breath, and do what you want to do.When your dad calls, the fear is gone. You know this guy is ready to disown you, and you've felt how that feels. There is no more need for validation. You've already felt how the worst feels.This process, which is based in ACT, has helped me overcome 2/5 traumas in the past month. At 31. I'm currently struggling to define the fear of my brother.Do you guys want to give this a go?
My question to help identify the fear I have for my brother. In as few words as possible, how would you describe the ultimate goal of a narcissist, after they've set their eyes on you?What is their goal?Ie. you've talken to them and let your guard down. They've become inspired by you, so their obsession of you begins. They start looking at your work, copying your stuff and studying you.You know this is not going anywhere. It's scary and you feel like your integrity is being invaded.You know just as how they quickly became inspired, they will quickly lose interest, and when they do, you will be hollowed out. It's intuitive.But how would we describe the ultimate goal without having to go through this entire process? The closest I've come is, "this person wants to leech of my energy..." but it doesn't feel clear enough. "They want to suck me dry and spit me out," might be true, but not true enough. I'm struggling to know what I am afraid of.Does anybody have an idea?
