I've been dealing with panic attacks about all the bad shit I did as a kid and in my 20s. I've been getting better, but sometimes get a new memory that I remember and makes me panic:>Traveling abroad>Match with girl on tinder>She says she wants to hook up for cash>Tell her I don't want to pay for sex>She unmatched me>Later re-match her (think she made a new profile)>She asked if I "remember her situation" (or something vague like that)>I say I do>Neither of us talk about or payment or anything >Can't remember our conversation, we flirt etc and I go over to her fully thinking were hooking up for fun, not as a transaction>Arrive, talk a bit, kiss, have sex>As I'm going out the door a bit later, she asks if I have some money for her>Holy shit fuck what.jpg>We had never talked about money in the second chat, she never asked how much would I give her or anything>Tell her I thought we were just doing it for fun>don't have any money>Just some change for taxi home>She's disappointed >Later text her >Feel bad and weird, don't remember the convos except that she felt bad too, and that she said if she met me ina club she would have definitely had sex with meSo did I rape her? She had sex with me under the impression I was gonna pay her... But if I had known she wanted money I wouldn't have gone. I was under the impression I was a stud who had convinced her to do it with me for free
As I think more, I think we actually met outside at a park and after a while she asked if I wanted to go home with her, and she bought the taxi to go back to her place. Maybe we just decided to meet up or something without actually mentioning sex
