I'll try to make this as short as possible and cut out anything not that important. Met a girl on Facebook dating from Florida. After 3 months she moved here to live with me in PA suddenly. My parents welcomed her pretty much. She lived here for 3 months. We had arguments/issues, and she eventually left very suddenly and sneakily one day. I texted her non stop for 3 days straight. She blocked me on stuff but left some things open. That night at 2am she texted me on Instagram, we talked about a lot of our problems and how she just wanted to be with me and get her from this guys house in NJ. She said it was fine there but she really wanted to come back to me. I drove two hours to NJ on literally no sleep. I got there, and met the guy and some of his brothers. He was actually gay and he has a lot of mental issues like dissociative, but he seemed pretty chill and helped me with how my gf is, who has borderline. We chilled, and I drove her home. It was really nice for a couple days. Then her online ex texted me (i texted him the first time she left, just out of mental bullshit to see how she is and what happened with them) seemed fine. He texted her, and I kinda made it a big deal but I said she can talk to him. My gf wants friends, she says I dont want her to have friends but that's not true. We were talking a lot that day we argued.
Next morning I hugged her and kissed her, told her she was the most important thing to me. Went to work. I texted her sad gifs because I wanted her to reply to these msgs I sent her at 4am, even though we agreed on me not texting her while at work. Then suddenly, pic related. She left again nearly 4 or 5 days later. She says I betrayed her and she won't tell me why. She took everything with her, and the couple things she missed, left her rose i gave her on my carpet. She blocked me on everything this time. She messaged me though saying we will never be together again because I betrayed her, but I genuinely don't know why for certain. We were supposed to have couples therapy but she left so soon. I'm trying to contact her using people's phones. It's not working. What should I do? I am extremely badly depressed and I have nothing now. I genuinely feel like killing myself.Like I said i left out a lot kind of. But yeah. I really feel like I fucked up. I have to go to therapy now and I can't believe she wouldn't wait for our first couples session. She even said we were going to that night she wanted me back.
>>33749611Run. She is mentally ill and need to fix that by herself before doing anything else. You're also way WAY WAY over texting her. Calm down. Take a deep breath. Stop sending texts every 2 seconds, your behavior is obnoxious. Acting like a needy baby is the fastest way to kill a girl attraction. I suggest to cut your losses with this one, fix your own mental problems and find a mentally stable girl.
>>33749943I know. I have to stop texting. I think I am done.. pretty much exhausted all my options anyway, and I guess she just started to block & delete without even reading. I don't know what is going to happen over there with her. Apparently the dad will let her stay and teach her stone masonry. Be honest, do you think she will ever come back to me? She told me on the night the day before yesterday that we will never be together again because I betrayed her. And told me to stop trying to contact her. Leaves me wondering why the fuck did she even come back the first time. She said she did some thinking and wanted to be with me because I am her "home". Then she does this, misses couples therapy and leaves in fucking 4 or 5 days after I bring her back from NJ. It's fucking bullshit. I'm always the fucking problem.
>>33749611>My girlfriend left me twiceI saw this, glanced at the DISCORD screenshot, and that’s all I needed to see.Either drop women entirely (my preference) man, or find a girl who will actually treat you like a human being. Which I don’t even believe is possible but you know
>>33749611>I'll try to make this as short as possibleYou failed
>>33750191Guys like you OP are just as mentally and emotionally fucked up as this girl. Crazy girl needs a crazy boy and you stepped up
OP, you are asking for trouble.But because this is a board on getting help, I can tell you she is probably not going to completely leave you unsupervised.If you can't message her, you can leave hints, such as profile pictures, status messages, a tweet or post depending on what social media you share in common.If you really want a message to reach to her, make it simple and make it visible, she will stalk your profile and see it.Not worth it, IMO opinion, but you are a grown up man and I will let you decide.>>33750220>Which I don’t even believe is possible but you knowAfter you find it, it seems very obvious. You understand it doesn't have to be hard, you don't have to go through crazy or indifferent, you can just receive love for free from someone who cares.But until it comes, no amount of hearing it from others would convince you. I wish you all bros the same I discovered. We didn't even end up together, but it healed me beyond belief and now I am able to only ever join positive relationships.
>>33751250>After you find itWe never will. You didn’t even actually end up with this woman. If you actually found it, it would’ve worked. Thanks though>>33751079Girls aren’t even crazy like boys are, they’re just evil and demented and only care about the surface
>>33751273>You didn’t even actually end up with this womanWe were both foreigners with visas about to expire and no financial means to lead a responsible married life. Not to mention meet family expectations.She was willing to drop it all for me and live in some shithole together, but I chickened out at the end, not wishing to give her a subpar life.We still talk but keep a respectful distance, as I have found someone compatible with my circumstances. She hasn't yet but I don't doubt she will, great person. I worry she might find someone bad, but that's about it.
>>33751015I know, im sorry. its really hard to condense everything and if I didn't it wouldve been twice as long probably. >>33751079I guess. this girl had autism and BPD but the way she was was perfectly infatuating to me and I really love her too much. I will never find someone perfect like her again. perfect in a way that just hits every thing I need from someone. personality, looks, body, like everything. >>33751250a part of me wants to believe that she just overreacted to something and left because of it, because why would she even do this to me? her steam account was still on my PC and she still had a few things here like shoes and towels. I'm wondering if it wss all just a ploy just to get the rest of her stuff and remove that account but idk. it doesn't seem like it when I think about everything.do you really think she might message me back? should I just try my best to let it go and maybe do what you said? I'm really hurting and a part of me wants to try and message her somehow but she seems really adamant about me not talking to her
bump
shameful bump
>>33749626>What should I do?Get a little self-respect and stop trying to contact her. She's gone. It's over. Let her go.
>>33751488>do you really think she might message me back?If she is crazy and her mood swings, yeah, seeing that you are still signaling something to her might bring her back. And then you're in for more trouble.>should I just try my best to let it go and maybe do what you said? I'm really hurting and a part of me wants to try and message her somehow but she seems really adamant about me not talking to herI do believe this is the better alternative. You will struggle daily and think about what never was, what it could be, and depending on your level of attachment have this movie looping on your head every time you are not distracting yourself with something else.But if you surround yourself with goals, people or even some specific activity that you start in order to output that pent up energy (most guys hit the gym, I learned my ex's language for a year just to give her a goodbye speech in person, some may revive an old dream or hobby that they've been neglecting but wanting to come back for years), then you won't be hollow.Takes time to heal, be open to all and don't expect anyone to care about your problems, be grateful instead of their time and company.Easier said than done, I know.
>>33752537yeah... I guess.>>33752652thank you for this. I just got a haircut and she told me a lot of things just now that kinda made me feel better. I'm going to stop texting her, and I am putting it all behind me right now. I'm going to try at least. try to work on myself. I've gained weight but I have lost almost 15Ibs since she left the first time. I havent been able to eat. I'm just going to try and work on myself and focus on myself. play video games more or something, take walks. idk. maybe she will reach out again, but I'm not going to message her back immediately if thats the case.
>>33749611This is going nowhere. She's a trifling woman, she will eventually cheat on you, and you can do better. Good news is you lost your virginity and now have a basis of comparison for your next relationship.I know when you're young and desperate for connection it's hard to see the forest for the trees, but I think you know in your heart you know this ain't it.Let her go, stop trying to meet women and socialize online, and get yourself some friends that you regularly interact with in real life. If you are willing to step up and put yourself in mildly uncomfortable situations like going out to a show with friends or hosting a backyard BBQ with your coworkers, you WILL find a normal girlfriend. Practice talking to women face-to-face, don't be afraid to tell people you're single, and exercise regularly. You can do this, senpai.
>>33752733thank you. I'm 30 and she was 25. I lost my virginity in my early 20s. but yeah she was amazing. sigh.. I'm not even going to think about women. just going to try and focus on myself for now, ride it out. see where things lead i guess.
>>33752731Glad to hear it, anon. I lost 5kg in 10 days out of heartbreak, but I still powered through. My lowest low was a month after the separation, but it came out of a desire to be free, not longing.And after that, it faded away. Later I would find genuine love and that helped to completely heal me, but I was already standing on my own two feet and living life with purpose, on my own.If she loves you, she needs to fix herself.If she hates you, the best thing you can do is be happy and let her watch it from a distance, seething.That is assuming you are a good person and not an equally schizo schizo. We're on your side because this is your thread, make sure you also earn your right to be happy.
>>33752790Not OP. But of she does love you and fixes herself, is that saying about letting what you love go true? Do they ever actually come back? Cause I doubt it. My girl left me because she couldn't recipricate the way I needed, and is also young and has really retarded and vague ideas of what dating is. Now she doesn't even talk to me. She IS gone for good, isn't she? Aren't you supposed to never take an ex back? Even if in her mind we "weren't dating," when we literally were (fucking, going out, constant communication.) We knew each other for years beforehand and she said I was the closest connection she had. But I know that none of that matters now. You can't bank on any past deeds. Once they go, they're gone, right?
>>33752790I can assure you I'm not a schizo. I do have problems, yeah. probably more so than the average person, but I know deep down I'm a good guy and I want to push that forward even more now. a lot of our arguments really did start from me, and I handled a lot of things poorly on my end. I've blamed myself for everything that went wrong, but when I look at it rationally I just don't think that's the case, but my heart takes the blame. I've told my therapist everything. she does not think she is mentally stable or even ready for a relationship, so, yeah. I hope I can get through this. it's really fucked up to say that I am really hoping she can think more about everything and reach out one day, but right now i have to let it go. i'm glad youre doing better with your hardships. I wasnt expecting good responses here, which is why I only come here when I am extremely desperate for someone to try and feel my pain and give me a little advice to bring my mind back. so thank you. it really is fucking hard man. but thank you again. going to try and move forward. if this thread dies I hope everything goes well with you today and beyond. I really want this thread to keep going but I know itll die soon
op here. update, she messaged me back and gave me hope. well fuck.
>>33754711do not do it
>>33752918Yeah, anon, that shows lack of interest. You could always bring it up casually if you are still interacting, or even force it to happen just to "let her know" you would still be interested in her. Takes a bit of letting go of your ego, I personally have zero shame in being honest about my feelings.But then you have to let go. Inform her and don't expect anything in return, take what you can. Being prepared for both a yes and a no is the best thing you can do in life, in all fields.>>33753017I see, anon. The particulars would be too confusing anyway for a full depth analysis, but as long as you are thinking about these things and seeking improvement, I believe in you.The simples, most encouraging thing I have ever heard from another dude when I told him my problems, still resonates with me and it's something I always tell other men: Let's find happiness, alright?Don't give up hope, but don't cling to things that make your feet cold out of fear of a missed opportunity. Instead, grab the next opportunity that seems out of your reach, worse you can get is a no. Yadda yadda yadda.
>>33749626This whole board is filled with BPD posting, but I'll take the bait.She seems like a "whole package" because she is projecting an image of what you want from a partner. She builds her character around your needs and wishes and all you see is that image she has built to keep you around. In reality she is hollow inside and if she finds some other person to attach to, she starts molding herself again.The reason she struggles with friends is that she burns all the bridges around her. She is subconciously looking for people with dependency issues and when she drains them completely they are most often in a state that they need meds and therapy themselves. It is more common for people around person with BPD to seek help than the actual person with that condition to do it, which should be a sign of what type of situation you are dealing with here.Emotional states of people with BPD are binary. One day they love you with all their heart and treat you like god, and next they think that you are an actual satan and they do everything in their power to destroy you. At this point they leave and push you away, and once they have cooled down the switch gets flipped again.The only way that could work is if you are like stonewall and don't let your partner's mood swings affect you. You can't rely on them at all and have to essentially live like you would when you are single and just turn up during her good times when she starts lovebombing you again. Don't be eager. Don't text her. Don't try to "maintain a relationship". Don't try to help her. And know that during downturns there will be infidelity, abuse and every sort of terror you can't even imagine. If it goes unchecked they will start doing selfharm and blame people around them.Now living like that is not feasible for most people and I don't recommend it at all if you yourself are not some kind of sociopath capable of completely keeping emotional attachment away from a relationship.
>>33749626>>33756215Cont.I know it's easy to shrug and consider what I'm saying as one anon's personal experience, and that wouldn't apply to you, but since I have had a lot of people like that around me I have studied the topic extensively, and one thing you realize pretty quickly is that people's experiences with BPD relationships are universal. Everyone goes through exactly the same shit.
>>33756215yeah reading through this makes a ton of fucking sense in my situation. hm
I'll be so fr with you Anon, it sounds like you might have some anxiety/general issues around communication. Guys that text like crazy, are super insecure with the attention they get, or guys that just don't let the other person in the relationship breathe is one of the fastest ways to get someone to dip. I used to do that SO much, because of my personal issues I would get so scared that my partner hated me, or was mad at me, or was ignoring me when they didn't text back. I think that might be your first misstep. Things like expanding your social circle, learning to be able to sit quietly alone and do your own thing, and finding ways to cope with the anxiety/jealous/whatever it is that drives you personally to spam text, you gotta find a way to soothe that. Your future gf will thank you. The second thing is (and this isn't necessarily a misstep, BPD is a bitch of a disorder and I do not envy anyone who has to deal with their brain being constantly a-hundred-or-nothing) the mental health issues of your partner, and to a similar extent, yourself. If you are not an emotionally or mentally stable individual with a lot of capacity and patience, dating someone with undiagnosed or untreated borderline is incredibly taxing. Been there before. I am now happily engaged. What changed for me, was I stopped seeing having a partner as something that would complete me. I grew into myself, focused on improving my emotional intelligence, health, and cultivating my hobbies. I also worked to become kinder, more secure, unflappable in the face of things that would have scared me a couple years ago. If any of these options appeal to you (it already seems like you want to improve yourself), I'd really encourage you to give them a try! You're a sprout right now, dude. You gotta care for yourself so you become a flower. You will feel better, and other people will see you blossoming and admire it. People are drawn to those who are content in themselves. I believe in you, dude!!
>>33756244>Facebook dating>wants to suddenly move in after a whopping three months of living across the whole country form each otherYeah I mean obviously shes fucking crazy. Anyone witha lick of sense could have told you that. Moving in within three months is barmy even fi you are regularly dating, but e"dating" or havign some kind of long distance relationship?Nigegr please. Go out, at best move out from your moms, get a social life and start meetign women. You badly fucking need people around you, and you need to relaize that any woman who committs this rapidly and extremely is a headcase and should be avoided.
>>33758056whats up with your spelling bro
