https://youtu.be/muoWDA6zmsY?si=RLCrslllUzvtByZI

https://youtu.be/tJdgErAfiRQ?si=XS0rCHZ2nMRcBjxb

I love her. I would do anything for her. but I can't have her so I'm just looking for someone else now to take my mind off of her.

>>33751579
Lost 400€ at the stock market, went outside to clear my head, skated a bit, potentially landed a first kickflip, realised life ain't so bad, i check this morning and i've made 160€ back, hopefully i make the rest of it aswell.
Life is good, it stings sometimes but NEVER NEVER give up, have hope.

>>33751697
>but I can't have her
why can’t you have her?

>>33751579
I took her for granted while she was alive...
And I want to do the things we didn't do now that she's gone.
It hurts like a knife.

>>33751579
there was a homeless nigger outside mcdonalds as i was walking in asking for money, and a white woman walked out right as i opened the door and said no to the nigger. the white woman then saw the nigger, and followed me back inside to buy food for the nigger, and it pisses me off so much. this woman wouldn't do the same thing for a white homeless guy, she just did it because he was a nigger and i told him no. i fucking hate white women and everything they decide to do with their lives.

Gf of two and a half years just left me yesterday. My dick size has been an issue for her for a while and every thing we did in bed always ended up not really being "enough" longterm. Last week she basically demanded that any sex we have we use a strapon over my real because she just "has needs". It was so utterly humiliating I said I couldn't do it and she got angry and said I wasn't caring about her/didn't care about her "needs" as a person. I couldn't even stay composed and I stuttered trying to respond to her. Never felt that emasculated and humiliated in my life. I am 100% unironic and serious when I say being molested was less embarrassing and soulcrushing than this event was. Then the argument escalated, and no matter how many times I tried to shut it down and just ask her to change the subject she just blew her stack by the end. She basically called me every thing you imagine in the book; "not a real man", "loser", "faggot", etc. I have never even heard this tone of voice from her before or heard her use such harsh language on anyone in any context. I knew our sex life wasn't perfect. I legitimately don't even have normal sex with her sometimes and just eat her out to be safe, we can't do some of the positions she likes the most. The sourness just escalated all through this week and finally today we had another fight and I just realized how deeply she was trying to make this whole thing work for me. I never knew how upset/frustrated she was sexually even when we had talked about it. I have never trusted a person so deeply and felt so foolish for having believed their lies to protect my feelings.

tl;dr dick size matters a lot and any woman who tells u otherwise is lying to make u feel better

>>33752750
Just how big/small are you?

>>33752779
I'm 6'4 with a 3incher (rock hard) and it's not even a chode. She's not the first woman I've been with that expected a crazy surprise when she saw how tall and generally "masculine" my figure is I guess, I got decently broad shoulders and in 3 out of 3 times, there's been a direct correlation with a girl noticing that fact and subsequently expecting me to have a porn dick. Idk man it just hurt immensely. Feels like being a walking punch line. At least women can lose weight/tone their bodies/get fake breasts if they REALLY feel insecure and feel NO escape from it. I'd do enough tren and growth hormone to kill me within the decade if it meant I could fix this fucking thing.

Christ fuck please just let me get this job. This is the one job I am actually qualified for, it's the one I've been gunning for for the past five years, I have the drive and knowledge to do it, I just need the chance. Like I might actually fall into a depressive slump if I don't get this job, it means that much to me.

>>33752800
I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt but three inches is crazy short regardless of your height. Yeah women say dick size don't matter but they mean it doesn't have to be massive or anything.

>A micropenis is stretched penile length equal to or less than 1.9 cm (0.75 in) in term infants, and 9.3 cm (3.67 in) in adults.

>>33752900
I don't get your point. I never said she was wrong. I've been insecure my entire life about it, I just made the mistake of letting my guard down and assuming it could be looked past if I worked hard enough.

im at college and i know if i dont get a gf now it will just go downhill, i mean my chances. how do i not fuck this up? (going clubbing tommorow)

>>33752915
>I never said she was wrong.
>any woman who tells u otherwise is lying to make u feel better

I mean you kind of did.

>>33752856
Good luck anon, hope you get the job.

>>33752800
If u have anterior pelvic tilt then fixing it may help with extension.

>>33752800
Loosening your lower abdominals may be worth considering as well to increase length however u may risk loss of function until they are restrengthened. Probably best to wait until after fixing anterior tilt or else the results may be counterintuitive.

>>33752750
not gonna lie i dont blame her, if a girl had a pussy that i couldnt use at all ever and i was supposed to just "live with it" and "find other ways" to be sexual i'd probably give up too.

>>33752800
I believe anterior pelvic tilt is caused by tension and improper development within the lower back, upper leg muscles, pelvic floor and glutes and loosening said muscles will seat yourself into more of a proper position. There are three essential steps for loosening muscles. First is collapsing and compressing the muscles while pinching the fibers perpendicularly and parallel, then doing so in a relaxed position followed up with a stretched position. Second step is to pinch the muscle fiber at one end perpendicularly moving your grip throughout the muscle along the grain starting the pinch with your muscle compressed and stretching it simultaneously as u move your grip. Imagine u have a straw with a bb at the bottom and u pinch the straw underneath the bb while moving your grip upwards to push the bb out from the top of the straw, this is essentially the method except stretching simultaneously after starting with everything compressed in initially. Both directions along the grain as well. Third step is just relaxing and getting underneath the fibers as much as possible, pinching perpendicular and lifting outward from the body. These methods can be used to loosen nearly every muscle in the body.

>>33753198
>>33753083
>>33753024
I dont think any of this is gonna grow my shrimpdick into something not-embarrasing, man. Thanks for the suggestions tho.

Anyways

>>33751579
Made a huge mistake about a month ago. I was on /b/ for a lazy fap, and I came across a thread for "zoomer girls". I assumed this just meant girls around my age (e.g 18-19 to early 20s) and I clicked it. Someone linked to a post from a previous thread, and the girl there looked younger than that. I didn't stop though. I kept fapping. Not to that pic, but to others in the same thread. I didn't even finish to pics in that thread. Still, the fact I didn't stop haunts me to this day. I tried to tell myself maybe there was room for misinterpretation, and she was actually an adult, but that margin of error is stressing me out. I know this isn't the thread to ask questions, but what does /adv/ think?

I hope God can make things right again.

https://youtu.be/LBXm9RV2njI?si=0muWeDwYe12ebrZi

>>33752331
But you were not man enough to chastise and shame her out of her actions on the spot.
Women do what men tell them and that woman was following the man on the tv screen. It's as much our failure as theirs for accepting our servitude under feminism.

I WANNA HAVE SEX ALREADY! I DON'T WANNA CUM TO JUST HENTAI! I WANNA FONDLE SOME TITS!

Adrijus I’m sorry for telling you to kill yourself. I will never have a best friend again. Please hurt me at least you cared when you hurt me. I miss you. I wish I was good enough that you never had to cheat on me. Why was I not wife material for you? I was blonde a virgin young submissive I just wish I could understand what I did wrong.

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how the fuck do I commit. I'm doing better but I still fall. I still trip and it's been years. I relapse on food, I go back to drugs. I never say no, my yes is a reflex. How can I expect to save myself, let alone my finances, let alone everything else.... I'm gritting my teeth, I'm pulling my hair, and I'm holding my breath. I'm going crazy over what? My lack of self control. Am I a victim of gluttony? Where is my pride? This is exhausting

>>33754190
S are you still a virgin? I can save you

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I love Marvel movies, Star Wars, The Last of Us, Sonic, Horizon Zero Dawn/Forbidden West, and young adult romantasy novels. So much so, I wrote my own romantasy novel. Sometimes I feel like everything I like is destined to serve as the Internet's punching bag for one point or another. It's like high school never ended.

I won't give up hope!

Even if Tammy was interrogated by the police sobbing and begging because a camera inside my bedroom found her flipping me on my back and slipping Xanax in my mouth while I was passed out drunk I think I still might feel some sense of guilt reflecting on everything I have ever done to influence such a vile act against me. I am in no way considering it excusable or my fault but there’s a possible chance that I would feel the slightest sense of guilt. I pity them and I am trying to let go of my anger towards them that still feels like hatred at times.

Sorry J, I know how you look at me but its only from a distance. I'd have loved to pick you but it looks like T is gearing up to make a move. Too bad you didn't close the gap.

I think I'm going to give up on dating, apparently I'm not manly enough because I'm a pediatric nurse, despite constantly being told they're looking for someone sensitive and caring and who wants children. I do like the idea of having a romantic partner and our own kids, I've always wanted that, it's just starting to look like I'll have to rely on fulfilling that desire to care and nurture through my career and volunteering. There's been a shit show lately about men in childcare being predators, it may also be people being paranoid or taking the excuse to be cruel from that. Maybe I'm just tired. The year is almost over, I can always have another crack at things next year, spend the last few months on hobbies and saving up for some renos.

I got a stop playing with crypto. I won for a couple years but now it's just loss after loss and a huge time sink. I need to focus on something else.

>>33753301
I think you might be overreacting, but also be careful in those kinds of threads, and on porn boards in general

Coming up on 3 months now
Still not over him, still tearing up daily and anxious all the time
I have to figure out how to move on I can't still be stuck here like this it's ridiculous

I'm an amateur advantage player. I played casually over the years, and I tried my hand at going full time this year with a small bit of money I gained from a car accident insurance payout.

Starting with $5,000, I earned nearly $40,000 USD in two months of play, averaging 20 - 35 hours per week. I spent more time driving than playing. I worked really hard to get that money. I studied over thirty games, only played when I had an advantage, etc.

About two months ago, I came across a game that looked similar to another in a different market, and incorrectly assumed the point of entry was the same as another game back home.

I lost $8,000 going off of incorrect information. I panicked, spiraled out, and began taking bad plays, playing early etc.

I lost everything. On paper, I turned a $12,000 profit for the year, but I have no bankroll.

I'm catastrophically distraught. Beyond distraught. I worked so hard for that money. My plan was to divest earnings into crypto at 25,000 total bankroll. I peaked at 24,800. I want to die. I don't want to live anymore. I have nothing. I'm 31 this month and I have nothing. No strong honest relationships to speak of, massive amounts of emotional baggage, a criminal charge that allegedly got scrubbed years back but never did preventing me from getting good jobs. I can't date because I never have any money. I'm trying to finish school but I'm behind on my rent when for months prior paying it was nothing. I want to fucking die. I just can't take it anymore. Why am I alive. For what purpose. Nobody wants me here and every thing I am passionate about goes wrong. I'm the butt of a cruel joke. I just wanted to be a part of something greater, do something worthwhile that I could one day look back on and smile with pride. I'm having a hard time hanging on. I have nothing left to live for. Just vague "hope." Please someone kill me. I don't want to do this anymore. I am not wanted here by anyone.

Jeez

>>33751579
I don't even care anymore. If this country wants to throw out freedom for themselves and future generations, and if this country is going to hate me for wanting to preserve basic human dignity, then this country doesn't deserve to have me fighting for it. Enjoy tyranny and the shame of being the generation to throw away 250 years of the American experiment.

Fight the future.

>>33754998
And still you'll message me back to confide and feel me pleasure you

>>33751579
I really want to fuck my gf's mom. She has that "she was definitely wild when she was young" vibe and has a sort of hippy dippy attitude going on so she views casual sex as "natural". She loves to dance and drink and is one of those "cool moms" so I know she's dirty. Her tits are awesome, her ass, while not shapely, is insane and her face is very pretty. Green eyes, too, and brunette. I can just tell she does everything in bed. I sometimes toe the line between teasing and flirting but I don't think I've ever outright flirted with her. But goddamn, she has me rock hard right now. I guess the reason why I get it off my chest now is because I'm currently in a 168 day no fap streak and this has been one of the closest moments I've been to caving. My brain is bargaining with me, "just once. Get it out lf your system." But I don't wanna go down that fapping/porn rabbit hole again.

But God, I wanna fuck her. The recoil on her tits must be crazy and just the thought of her calling me her dirty son in law is enough to make me cry. Help me, anons

>>33754652
You got this. Just my two cents, I went through some very intense heartbreak this year back in April. I realized I felt "better" by August and by September it felt very distant. Hang in there, man, but it's also important to kinda let your body grieve fully and not suppress it in the name of being "strong". The only way out is through

I think I have PTSD, I have never had a gf, all the women who liked me I have pushed away, every time I liked a girl I sperged out before I could talk to her

>>33754490
So be it.

I wasn't planning on it -
but while you were at home waiting to spoil and pamper me, i met the loml and forgot you exsisted. Cooool.

back with parents since july and its been rough and only starting slightly to feel better, after nearly a year of working food service jobs to get by
starting my new job after a 4 year break to finish school. im 31 now, still with no relationship experience and can't get excited about life whatsoever in this depressing economy that gives no hope of me getting out of my overstressed and overpopulated city

>>33753198
Not shrimpdick anon, but do you have a diagram or video for this. I have terrible posture and I wanna fix it.

>>33755104
How is this PTSD? Sounds like autism??

Im giving up. Never had a gf at 29 and I can't see a way out. On paper my life is amazing but I'm miserable. I got the money, got the job, but it doesn't matter. I get so anxious around women that I'm physically shaking, I can't be myself when I'm battling that. Its only going to get more difficult with each year too. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm making preparations to kill myself in the next few days. I'd rather check out early than endure this for god knows how many more years. I'm terrified of what lies beyond.

>>33755140
I have NVLD and my experience with women comes from that

The reason I say I think I have ptsd is that I experience symptoms like suicidal thoughts, feeling on edge, lashing out, flashbacks to being bullied as a child and self worth issues

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THE FUCKING TEMPTATION IS SO REAL

>Be dating girl for 5 years
>Living together and all that
>Pretty healthy relationship
>We go on dates and have sex all the time still
>New girl at work has interest in me
>She's insanely fucking hot
>Knows I'm taken but constantly bugs me
>Asks me if I want to get coffee for lunch
>Against my better judgement I go
>During coffee she says she wants to fuck
>And that I should come over tonight
>Penis about to burst out of pants at this point
>Tell her I'm in a relationship and can't
>She says "Just don't tell her"
>Somehow this turns me on more
>Went home after work instead
>Thinking about it all night

I CAN'T DO IT BROS, I DON'T KNOW IF I AM STRONG ENOUGH, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, GIRLS NEVER SHOW INTEREST IN ME I'M JUST SOME RANDOM ASS NERDY DUDE WORKING IN IT

I do love my girlfriend, but god damn...

Oh my god you are so outrageously attractive it's not even fair. Other women trying at least twice as hard to be eye catching or sexy just become invisible as soon as they have to share a room with you, and I'd feel bad for them if I weren't trying to do my job while furiously eyefucking you every day I see you. I HATE that, unless you initiate, I can't talk or flirt with you without it become a whole "thing". No matter how badly I want you, even superficially, I'm still violently aware of how much I don't want to deal with talking to a higher up about "unwanted advances". I have nothing else going on professionally, no more fallback plans, it's either this career or I'm just fucked, and I'm doing well enough where I can't risk that over you. There've been other women that I've found attractive or cute and even pleasant to talk to, but YOU are the first in over ten years to bring this out in me.

The last time I felt this kind of visceral attraction I was played like a tool for five years, kept in a safe little bubble of being "The Boyfriend" while she fucked around and used me for stability. I remember that all too well. I remember the hurt and the anger and the despair. I remember trying to start again after letting that simmer and finding out dating outside of school is, in fact, so miserable that I'd rather be celibate and alone. And now here you are, just sort of appearing, and unleashing that screaming WANT on me again and I can't decide if I hate it or love it.

it's over.

I think the reason I hurt you the way I did while I was drinking was I had let my demons win by continuing to drink and spiral down instead of taking care of us both. The dark part of me that wants to self sabotage knew how best to fuck up the last good thing I had going for me. At least, that's what I think, because no part of me has ever even thought to do that to you. But my demons knew how to push you as far away as possible. I'm sure this sounds like a shitty excuse, especially knowing I remember none of that night. Honestly I can't say for sure what went on in my head. I hope you know that I'm sorry for what I did and I know we might not talk now but I hope some day you'll come to forgive me. I'm still working on forgiving myself for hurting the girl I love the most. Until then I will pray for you and work on myself. If God wills it then we will meet again and He will hold me to all the promises I made you about our futures. If not then I'll forever be thankful to Him for giving me the chance to know and love you.

>>33755192
Don't give in to lust. It has ruined many men in the past. Be strong. Don't go on any other lunches or anything with her, that's borderline cheating as is.

It's been hell tryna do this without you here
Baby, 2 7 supposed to be our year...

Last thread someone asked me how I didnt get a DUI when the officer pulled me over and I had an open container of alcohol, all I remember is that while he was pulling me over I moved the can from my console cupholder to the floor behind the passenger seat, and told him that it was from yesterday. Also I was a heavy alcoholic so I could hold my liquor pretty well despite being drunk. Not that it really excuses why he let me go, but shrug

MEL MEL MEL MEL
YOURE SO PRETTY IT HURTS TO LOOK AT YOUUUUUU KNOWING I WONT HAVE YOU

<< It's over. What a waste of time for all the involved parties. >>

>>33755543
I should stick to anime girls, amirite?

>>33755545
<< Yes. Anime girls can't lead you on. >>

<< ...Among other things. >>

Going on an hike while dressed the way I am at the moment and while not having any water with me is the dumbest shit I've done this year - so far. To be fair I didn't even plan it, and during the course of this year I've done plenty of stupid shit.

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For quite some time, I've been obsessed with finishing hobbies. Not doing them per se, but finishing them. Every morning as I got ready for work I'd be stressing less about the job, and more about what I was going to do when I got home. Even as I was typing away at the office I'd be brainstorming about these things. Ironically it was all consumerist anyway: gotta finish this show, have to complete this game, need to wrap up this book ASAP. Finish it right quick, super vite, pronto, and why? So you can start the next series and resume the loop? So you can say "I've consumed more niche things than you and that gives me value because reasons"? Tracing it back the habit started around 2018, the year I graduated university and spent maybe six months job searching daily, ended up with three interviews out of hundreds of applications and was rejected for them all. I guess this obsession was a way to try and give me some sense of success amidst my constant failure as a man. Slay the Vilebloods, fuck up Skullface, the Jailer is the Key, all those simulated victories to keep me going every day. Hell, I only ended up getting a job through family in the end anyway so I guess the obsession remained due to a sense of shame? Because in the end I failed during those six months, I never did get a job, someone else got it for me. It's probably why I work myself too hard sometimes too. I need to stop obsessing over these things, need to really slow down. Why is it so difficult? It's my day off and already I'm writing to-do checklists, 75% of the items are variations of finishing a hobby.

>>33755713
...It feels like the good ol' times that are now long gone. I wish I didn't bring my phone with me.

>>33755713
idiot

>>33755899
I'm having fun, what are you going to do about it? Cry?

>>33754217
You're probably traumatized and using food as a false way of coping.

>>33755155
Dont kill yourself, retard. Go to a good psychologist and work through your fears.

This wasn't the first time I went on a hike completely unprepared and it won't be the last. It's been fun, would do it again - hopefully not in eight years from now. That was the last time I've hiked in this place. It still feels.... No. It definitely did not feel like my last time was yesterday. That would have been a bold faced lie.

>>33755140
No, I need to make one.

I want revenge so fucking bad it feels like everything in the world would be so perfect and right if just 2 people werent a thing anymore

dont really want 50 years in prison though, fuck

>>33755984
What'd they do?

>>33755987
ran a small cult where they physically, mentally, and sexually abused all my loved ones for the first 12 years of my life

>>33755750
Somehow you sound pleasant to be around. At least to me

>>33755993
Jesus man that sounds like something that would be on the news.

>>33756005
maybe, it was really small scale though, like only 30 people and it tapered down to like 10 people during my part of it. somehow no one ever got the authorities involved with this shit, and now its just a memory for everyone involved. but i relive it every day, i mean that shit is my core experience

>>33755993
Expose them. Go to the police and if the police in your cunt is too corrupt then just make it public any way possible. Tell your story to the public.

>>33756023
>>33756025
Do what this anon says cause holy shit thats awful.

>>33755993
your parents making you go to church and telling you you can't get tranny surgery isn't a cult, let alone sexual abuse

>>33756025
Wont I need a lawyer to make anything happen? I dont have any money, i dont even have any evidence i could show, although i do know some people that could testify for me. plus it was all years ago... ive always feared that i'll finally expose them and nothing will happen. thats why i wonder if its better to not bring any attention to it and just handle it myself.

>>33756043
lol i wish it was some basic bitch ass christcuck shit

>>33756056
Its better to tell the truth. It will help you and every other victim. Even if they arent prosecuted they will still have to deal with the truth being told that cant be taken back. And they know that its true, no matter what they say.

>>33756066
as long as you weren't impregnated repeatedly since age 9 and made to groom your own children to be sacrificed to baal in some sex ritual that ends with you having to bury them alive and chant over their screams it was basic christcuck shit

>>33756068
i dont care about any of that, i want to either see them behind bars or the satisfaction of them pleading for their lives. it would be so good.
>>33756070
lol

>>33756073
The best chance to get that is by telling the truth.

Dear brain and or hormones,
Stop sending me dreams about fren when they have made their feelings clear.

The task exists independently of their authority. Them barking orders at me to do the task, and me doing the task, does not mean that I submit to their authority. They do not control me, and it does not mean that they control me if I do the task they tell me to do.

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>>33756084
This poster isn't taking about me when they say fren, but in the remote chance they are:

Dear that poster's brain
Please keep making dreams of fren appear in their head and more often too, maybe this time they'll learn the teachings of Hideo Kojima, inventor of the camera, being "don't play hard to get too much", "don't be a purposefully unlikable tsundere" and maybe also "don't make people waste their time".

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>>33752750
This makes me want to vomit man

>>33755140
If there is a video on this then I am unaware and I would be surprised. I want to wait until I have finished results to show my work. I think I should be ready relatively soon, either a few weeks or a few months but probably weeks.

>>33753198
you're right that anterior pelvic tilt should be worked on but it absolutely fucking retarded to suggesting some compression or rolling shit. what the fuck is that? how is rolling shit on your body gonna change the tension on your muscles?

you know how you got that shitty permanent body posture? from sitting like a shrimp all day. you dont fix that by random pinching or whatever. you fix that by fucking standing up and doing shit. go exercise. lift up a barbell in some different positions. lose some weight until you can hang off of a pull up bar for increasing periods of time. that shit is so good for your posture.

t. former fattie with a curved faggy spine who fixed this shit by working out and losing weight

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Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me thrice, are you sure you're still fooling me?
"Fool me" four times, shame on you again for still playing a game you won't and can't win. Shame on you for wasting my time too.
"Fool me" five times, there is a time when you should stop and you clearly passed it.
"Fool me" six times, you should find a better way to spend your time, this is getting ridiculous.

And keep this in mind: you're dealing with a baka that learned to suppress any thought very well.

Just got cum on the fucking carpet again, god damn it. Tissue paper is getting thinner and thinner, I blame the government.

>>33754190
>Adrijus
Don’t date anybody with a star wars name

>>33756213
Another thing worth mentioning to loosen muscle stiffness that influences anterior pelvic tilt is to arch your lower back into an exaggerated tilt then pinch under the muscle that lays over your spine, lift it away from your body as much as u can and then arch your back forward as much as possible.

Now that I’m older. I can recognize many ways that getting molested fucked with my life. Trust issues, bad self-esteem, the whole deal. It’s not easy to deal with.

>>33756542
>over your spine
As well as the muscle at the sides

>>33756542
Doing this backwards starting out with your back arched forward then concaving in works good as well once u are capable of achieving that grip.

I miss my friends

Starting to think I might be able to fix myself within the span of a week from now. Improvements are advancing quickly.

>>33756084
Aren't you in your 30s?

I think we both don't want to acknowledge the elephant in the room because it's too awkward. Still the tension is killing me. Us meeting again was like something out of a story. I wish more things would keep happening to draw us closer.

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Apparently walking around the house on your tip toes, keeping your arms to your chest like a T-Rex, and struggling with eye contact with everyone are all signs of autism. I think it's over.

I miss being content with small things, everything feels empty. I feel like a miserable pervert inside the body of a girl

I'm tired. I've been thinking more and more about suicide lately. To end it all and go out peacefully. I'm a waste of space. I thought about buying a motorcycle and going on a cross-country trip to the other side of the globe, so I'll see new places, meet new people, and maybe appreciate life. I felt hopeful, but it's going to take a bit of time to save up, and lately I don't know if I should even bother. I have a poison I got in February that can make it quick and relatively painless. The option of being able to end it brought me great comfort and made me less depressed. But lately those thoughts are coming back more and more frequently. I don't know what to do. I'm almost 27. What's the point of going through this meaningless, monotonous routine when I suffer quietly every day.

My limerent object of four years finally left her job. Our schedules rarely aligned for half that time. Everyday I wondered if I would see her again but it would be months in between mere sightings. In fact, I found out today that she left back in August. Happened to speak to her (a few seconds, on the phone) and see her (a quick blur, as she passed by and smiled) for the last time before she must have gone.

A part of me is still paranoid that the entire reason she switched schedules was because she knew of my obsession. It was hard to get a read on her. Which I think is all I wanted; most of my fantasies had nothing to do with sex or romance but simply having that chance where I can show her who I am and she can show me who she is. I wanted it to stop, to see her as a person like any other, not have this fixation like a lost little boy looking for his mother and interpreting neutral indifference as categorical rejection. Why her? Why did I latch on immediately? Other crushes would concur and fade gracefully but she remained all-consuming throughout. I've spent all this time trying to understand it.

Hopefully this is where things begin to clear. I can stop expecting her around each corner and in every room. I don't seem to be delusional enough to hope I run into her on the street. There is some feeling of finality in this.

Went through the drive through this morning. Got Starbucks for my girlfriend and I. Pay and order through the app. I wait for literally a half hour in the long line. They hand me the cofees but no food. I ask where the food is and they say they didn’t get the order. I tell them I already paid for it. They tell me I’d have to wait for it. I drive off in a rage. Don’t even drink my coffee. I slam it in the trash can.

I often react like this. Just chimp quietly to myself. I don’t want to be a burden to others. It’s not all food related but another example is I pick up a hoagie on the way home from work, get home, and it’s literally
Just a roll and cheese. Not at all what I ordered. I whip the sandwich against a wall and go hungry. Like punishment for something I don’t even do.

I have no idea why I react like this. Possibly self hatred?

>>33757180
Why couldn't you wait? They're probably unironically racist. Send feedback to that Starbucks that they're unprofessional, racist etc

>>33757249
Because I waited in line for a half hour already and didn’t want to wait god knows how long for them to make what amounts to a slop pocket with fake rubber eggs anyway.

>>33757258
Get your money back and also do the feedback thing.

>>33757258
Also start buying and or premealing your own breakfasts. Starbucks is overrated.

>>33757279
I am
>>33757295
Yes I understand.

I’m really more wanting to examine my reaction. It’s not about Starbucks.

I miss the wonder

I don't deserve to live.

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>>33751579
Wanted to send this to you, only to remember you're gone.
I wonder if I should message you. Tell you that you were right.
I think you were the only real thing in my stupid chud life.

I don't want to talk to anyone yet here I am making this post

Im 22 working in a steel mill for 8 hours on nights. Every other fucking day I listen to my parent drink and argue. I share this place with 4 people and I'm the only one working, paing rent (950) and any other bills. I fucking hate this shit. Trying to help my family feels like a mistake. Ive somewhat gotten better as a person compared to being a neet during 2020/2021, but they've gotten worse. I piss away 900 a month to hardly get peaceful sleep and to come "home" to a pile of dishes and clutter. I relax better sitting in broken forklifts or front end loaders at 12 at night than lying in bed.

>>33755192
I say don't give in. Trust me when I say the post nut clarity will hit like a freight train. Plus, I'd be very wary of a gal that outright tells you she wants to fuck. That rarely ever happens, especially if she's as hot as you say she is. Usually they'll give you very obvious signals other ways but never outright say it.

Although, I did have a cute girl at work once tell me to go and fuck her in the bathroom. I called her bluff though and she took it back. So I guess it could happen. Just be careful, man. Sounds like a trap.

When people in my friend group cancel plans, I always worry that it's a lie so I won't show up and they're all still going to meet anyway.

>>33757488
What can I do? I don't deserve to live. I want to die, but am afraid to kill myself.

When people want to get in contact, but don’t offer a specific time, I get very anxious. I should go to the doctors about this

Everything gets worse but you're still expected to be your best. I'm starting to understand why people misbehave and act like fuckfaces. It doesn't make anything better but I get it.

The times we've spent hanging out together after work have been opportunities for me to feel seen and free. I get a goofy-ass smile when we talk, and I hope you know that's special. I want more hangouts with just the two of us. You wouldn't have been someone I could see myself feeling this way about, but yet our conversations have sparked something in me. Yet, I know we're both having to constantly wear masks at work, and I have strong aversion to shitting where I eat. It could really fuck my life up.
Some of my masks fell off this week, and you accepted me. I want to see how many of yours will fall off too. I know that's going to have to be initialized by you because this could blow up in my face if I make an attempt to go deeper. I don't know what's going to happen, but I definitely want to try. I think we've both surprised each other in how we've clicked, and I want to foster something deeper. I see a lot of beauty in you that I would love to discover if you would only let me. How deep? I can't say for now, but I want more of you. Who are you truly? What do you actually think of me? I wish I could just take the chance.

>>33757757
Everyone should set a date or time instead of wasting your entire day. I hate that shit unless it's for an understandable reason like they're doing you a favor and need to fit it into their time. Otherwise fuck them.

>>33757777
Quads of truth and reconciliation
I texted my mom to see her today and she said she’d call me, didn’t say when. Very annoying

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I'm so fucking horny and want to feel a womens touch. I love my naked anime girl figures and hentai but I want to feel a women's touch for once. The only time I ever touched a girl was at a strip club and her tits were fake. I'm feeling so goddamn lonely

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>>33757035
you got any of them pecan sandies?

She is like rubi, what cunt

>>33756379
Teach me how to suppress the thoughts

I’m not saying I’d NEVER date an 18/19/20 year old but they’d have to have been in a relationship before and also not be a total fucking retard. I refuse to be somebody’s first heartbreak and I refuse to babysit an adult

>>33755214
If you lost her because of a drinking problem, literally stop drinking anon
Its a sign from God

Where are you writing the lies and larp for at this point if not to manipulate her?

*why are you writing the lies and larp for at this point if not to manipulate her?

>>33757154
I am not limmerant and frankly your behavior is fucking pathetic

>>33757570
did they make such little impact in your life that you forgot that they were gone?

>>33754266
People online are going to mock you no matter what you like or don't like. What's based one day is cringe the next. Just enjoy what you enjoy, who needs the approval internet strangers all trying to one up each other.

I am sorry you got such a parasitic poison attached to you. It will be better once we are past his bullshit.

>>33758358
Not op, but you right anon. Atleast half of everyone is going to hate you.

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My last tweet was June 23rd, im still not over her, but the last time she posted something about me was October 23rd. It was a repost that said "i hope my absence haunts you forever.". Im still not over her, and while I want to go back to social media and pretend like its ok, I feel awkward. I miss her so much. I still think of her every day and I sometimes pray that god will have us meet again. We literally never dated, im just mentally ill. Ive spent the last 5 months getting sober, excessively touching grass, and trying to be normal and break out of NEETdom. Mostly because I still hope one day itll be ok again.

I'm trying to hang in there but I really feel like I'm losing my sanity. I managed to get away from them before, refuge, police investigation, new home and new people. But they moved here and I don't feel like I have the willpower anymore. I don't want to live in fear of my rapist anymore, I want to get away and start again somewhere better and this time it sticks and I don't have to run away another time. But it feels like it'll never happen, I worry that my brain is permanently being rotten by all the stress and fear. I'm just so tired of being scared and trapped and it never getting better.

>>33758171
Ask nicely and I'll consider it. Maybe.

When ever I look at 4chan I see people complaining about having trouble with relationships. I gave up on relationships a long time ago. Since I'm a NEET. In order for anyone to be interested in knowing you long term that way you have to be working. It's just weird how many people havnt given up. Most women want someone to support them so if you're jobless they arent going to be interested, and if you're working at Wack Arnold's there's no point either.

I'm more interested in improving myself. Though I often have trouble doing that. I'm sort of like a LLM in a human body. I'm stupid as fuck but people think I'm smart.

They also think I'm smart with computers even though I can do much more than use them. They hear about linux and think it's so complicated even though it doesnt take much intelligence to use linux nowadays. Anyone that has trouble with distros like Ubuntu or Mint are just unwilling to learn. It takes 10 minutes to learn and you're done. Even the most stupid people can learn things just most people are lazy.

>>33758412
If you haven't dated, then you should probably let it go.

If you dated and were together intimately and loved each other then that's a reason to think about her

Low self-esteem is raping my life directly up the asshole. So no more. I am the best.

>>33751579
I find the world so dull and boring and unfair that I had to take sertraline to cope with it to the point that I have no emotions left, just completely numb to anything and everything. I literally just wanted the simple things out of life but it was impossible, i tried everything i could and the normal life was denied to me over and over again.
It doesn't even matter to me now, the world took my ability to be upset away too. I hope when I die I never come back here, this world is a particular type of hell for someone like me.

I'm getting mixed signals but realistically I know it's because I'm overanalyzing it

<< When you smoke a joint without having any thoughts or emotions in your head you have to consider you are at the weed's mercy. But the weed doesn't care. The weed just stones. Time goes on. Life goes on. >>

Strawberry cough makes you taste strawberries when you cough

>>33755104
I think you have avoidant personality disorder.

I’m very sorry to the medium-high functioning autistic girl that I was short with at work earlier today. I genuinely felt like shit right after, it wasn’t her fault that I was already stressed out and busy and she didn’t know any better that it wasn’t my department that she was asking me for help in. I’m not even sure she noticed my initial poor attitude to begin with and I made sure to be extra nice and friendly to her when I brought out the dolls she was looking for, she said she’d been looking everywhere for them so I’m glad I made her day, I just wish I had shown more grace and patience towards her from the get-go.

>>33751579
i fucking hate women so god damn much.

>>33754060
calling a woman out like that in NYC could get you arrested for disturbing the peace

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You're being a cunt if you came by your friend's house while he's moving, only to work on your game right?
Not helping, not getting food, nothing: just coding away at the computer. You're there instead for "moral support".
I'm asking because that's what happened: if he did that over to my house I would tell him to leave because that's extremely disrespectful. Maybe it's my upbringing, but it was instilled into me that it's shameful to be doing your own thing while there's work to be done around the house. So the idea of going there to deliberately NOT work short circuits my brain. But maybe I'm out of touch: I go here, and even around boards.4chan.org I am a bit of an oddball. I do not put it past possibilities that I am simply out of touch.

>>33758463
Umm excuse me mister anon san. Could you please show me how to silence the thoughts in my head? Thank you for your consideration and I hope you have a good day or night.

One more write up and they'll get rid of my ass. I'll be on unemployment for a bit atleast.

she's across the country, she's in crisis, and she still won't open up to me. i love her but i'm running out of patience. i tell myself "it's because i have nothing better to do" but i wonder if I'm being truthful with myself

>>33757712
Help me, please

You can be complete captured by a job you're at that you forget yourself forget who you really are. One day you wake up and everything has passed you by. I'm gonna coast on this last chance and whatever happens happens but I know that them firing my ass will actually be a good thing for me. Also I won't have to see her anymore.

>>33759240
just breakup

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It's an "aimlessly walking around town while smoking shittons of weed" kind of night.

>>33759222
Think "I am having thoughts about whoever you want, let's say catposter, and those thoughts are giving me discomfort, so I don't want to have them". You should stop having whatever though is bothering you in less than 20 seconds.

>>33759293
we're not "official" but I want to be. I want her to get out of that hellhole she calls a family and come start one with me

>>33759306
so you two aren't even together?

>>33759240
Bahhahahahahahahahahahaha. She's lying

>>33759351
If it's her, I feel it's more lashing out. It can be interpreted as dishonest and lying, but I know she is not happy and can sympathize why.

Not sure what to say but I want things to be better with her. With us.

Feels like anything said is not right. Say something and it's interpreted as overbearing, say nothing and chill here and she doesn't feel heard or feels like I don't understand her.

Give space and ass hat comes in with shitty larps that chase and suffocate her, try to make her associate it with me and not see it for what it is, just him being a toxic shit person.

>>33759255
No help will come

Should I go hiking at night while stoned? As comfy as it may be my hometown is kind of boring when nobody is around...

The more I remember, the more I understand that I deserve to die.

I don't know how to fix my life. I see no possibilities out of this

>>33759607
Keep breathing.
Keep looking.
Keep trying new things.

I'm sorry. I still love you.

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>>33759558

On second thought I went home instead. If I were not as stoned as I am right now I really would have gone hiking at 3am. I'll go later today. I simply shan't get stoned, then I'll get my shit - a backpack filled with water - and go fucking hiking at 3am. That's it.

I still live with my parents and my room is the room that's located next to the backyard since my brother is highly autistic his bedroom needs to be upstairs. Okay fine but my dads refuses to take off his shoes and lets dirt come into my room no matter how kind I bring it up. I fucking hate him so much. He's rude to me for no reason since I was a kid. I don't care that he has cancer and I hope it comes back and kills him. I'm tired of him being a prick to me and my mom.

>>33759549
Not if there are wolves or big cats in your state.

>>33759641
Those were the words I needed to hear. Thank you anon

>>33759645
I don't think I have it in me to live to spite the world. I truly hate myself, and acknowledge that I have been a terrible person almost my entire life. I see no positive future, no real hope for redemption, I can only hope that if there is a God, he'll take mercy on my soul. I don't deserve to live.

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I want to self harm again but my waifu would probably be sad ( natsuki is not my waifu )

>>33759652
There are neither of those in the state I Iive in.

valid/invalid

>>33759643
Do you love them, or your imagination of them?

>>33759655
Stop being terrible.
You don't have to keep being terrible.
If you need to cut off everything to do it, strongly consider it.
It might be alot of work.
How much work are you willing to do?

>>33759024
Understandable.

>>33759685
The worst of what I did was a decade or so ago, but I still find myself being a shitty person in other ways, and often not realizing how wrong I was until after the fact. I think I am just a weak, rotten, mentally ill person who is unfit to be a part of society, and it would have been better for everyone, myself included, had I never been born.

>>33758600
Have you tried underanalyzing it?
Say it using only 4 or 3 letter words, and only change out the saying with one using less words and letters.

>>33757817
Go look up a swingers club.
Go to an event or when they are busy.
You will drown in pussy.

>>33759698
Ok.
You died.
They are gone.

Do better than them, you don't have to be perfect.
Don't think to much about them.
You aren't them.

>>33759721
I'm not sure I understand what you're saying

Oh yeah sure everything is just fine now idiot, it hasn't even been a day. You'll see tomorrow morning, right back to the same shit.

>>33759739
Hold a funeral for them.
They're dead.
You're not them.

>>33759747
Who's dead? I don't get it

Stop posting stupid shit and go watch this instead.

https://nepu . to/movie/mobile-suit-gundam-0083-afterglow-of-zeon-1992-140039

how do i throw away 70 or so beer bottles without looking like a fucking lunatic

I want a good cocksucker that sucks the cum right out of the cock

>>33759757
>>33759747
>>33759721
>>33759739
I'm confused

You dont really have an excuse to be like this.

I know saying that will set you off but its not like you dont regularly try to do that to everyone else.

>>33759763
Slowly and bit by bit over the course of a week.

>>33759810
>>33759818
Who are you anons talking to?

>>33759854
Its gioyc noone is talking to anyone here.

damn i thought i had it under control this time

>>33751579
I have enough social skills in life to make friends anywhere and create non-romantic relationships. It does not matter how different the culture is, I'm always putting people together and naturally team-building. This has helped me a lot in my professional career.
But I have been a complete useless piece of trash at the time of taking to women when it comes to romantic or sexual matters. I don't know what to say, how to act, what to elaborate. I just stare, sit alone in bars or pubs, watching girls not knowing how to, from where to....start a conversation. I just don't move.
I don't want to use dating-apps, I don't trust them. Also, I refuse to pay for sex.
Here the plot twist: this situation, and the fact I'm not a handsome guy, have prevented me from cheating on my wife. For the last 7 years she's been avoiding having sex as much as possible, and this have turned me into a depressive seeker for physical/sex contact. I travel a lot for business, and here I am in a fancy hotel of a capital city, Saturday 9pm, about to go to sleep.
I don't want to end my marriage, I have a nice family. Is just I need to have some sexual relief. It's like a biological thing. I can't live like this.

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>>33755043
Why are you not fapping? Are you into some religious shit? Do you understand how bad is what you're thinking about your gf's mom?
Go take a fap a think again about what you have in mind.
Seriously, I'm starting to think this no-fap shit is the same at creating predators than lacking proper father figures.

I'm already committed to the idea, I have to keep with it, even wit the extra cost.

>>33759900
Bro is literally planning adultery with his partner's mother and thinks jerking off once or twice is the degenerate thing to do. brain broken lmao

>>33759763
trash bag, meet dumpster

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I feel like complete morons such as this plays a factor as to why adversity is administered into my life. It’s favorable to attempt to steer my into what appears as psychosis so that they can virtue signal about keeping kids off weed and pretend that they’re opinion about marijuana is valid when they have no idea what they are talking about.

>>33759919
It’s not always that the person is a moron however their expressed opinion on a particular subject is moronic.

>>33759919
random twitter posters arent whats making you psychotic anon, get a grip

I think that the idea of marijuana causing psychosis is an oppressive and false narrative. It has helped me a lot with overcoming difficulties in life however may life would probably be better if I had never tried it.

If I had never tried marijuana then I would not have made myself as comfortable with living in a state of mediocrity in comparison to my potential that I threw away for unearned and instant gratification.

>>33759951
Just because you don't experience it doesn't mean it cannot cause psychosis in other people. i agree most dangerous drug in america is a retarded generalization, but high thc psychosis is a real phenomenon.

>>33759971
I think you’re right, anon. I just don’t like it when doctors try to make me seem delusional or unreasonable when I’m not just to blame it on marijuana and try to sell me their nonsense that I don’t need.

>>33758285
I'm 3 months sober, would be 5 but I relapsed a couple times while we were still talking and I was sensing her slipping away even more. I hope this first step will prove to God I am bettering myself.

Feel the pain

Someone talking to you daily for two months in a deeply vulnerable and flirtatious manner and also on a mundane daily life update level like "here's what I did today, here's how work was, here's what I ate, here's some reels and songs that made me think about you" and then just suddenly ghosting out of the blue is fucking wildly hard to get over
You go through like withdrawals
It's making me feel fucking crazy
It's been so long and I still can't fucking get him out of my head or allow myself to care about anyone else like that
This shit is not fair at all

>fiancee silent for five hours
I know that we're both gaming with friends tonight and there have only been great signs in these last few months but I feel like an empty husk of a human from this

>>33760099
>fiancee
>codependency this bad
Brother I'm telling you, you need premarital counseling bad as shit

>>33760099
Tell her you miss her

>>33759779
Every cock deserves a good cocksucker

About to go on my first romantic date tomorrow.

>>33759763
Can you recycle them?

>>33760104
No, I just need her to move in and then things will be better. Being single was torture for me, I need constant communication. I'm very aware that this dependency stems from being ghosted and cheated on by my first love
>>33760106
I already texted her an hour ago. she'll respond eventually. she really just doesn't check her phone much. just leaves it in her purse all day, she seriously only charges it a couple times a week

>>33760121
Trapping her will not make things better.

I wish I drank tonight. Now I won't be able to for at least a week.

If you're 50 and you get a divorce, what the fuck do you do? I'm not in that situation, but it's something I'm oddly afraid of. You meet a girl, you date, you get married, maybe you're together for 20 years, then things end...now you're alone again...In your 30s or 40s, that's not a big deal, but what if you're in your 50s or 60s...? The thought depresses the shit out of me.

I can't escape the bad thoughts and memories. Want to cut but i never have. Wish i could rant about this to someone irl without being sent to grippy sock jail. Guess ill bottle it up and cut to death these days or weeks or months or whatever the hell
What the fuck is a social life. What the fuck is support and success and not wanting to die everyday

so today she told me for the third time to not get my hopes up or to hope anything from our relationship and that it'll always be a casual one
I really fell in love with her, I really did
I feel so weird now, I should be happy, she's young and sexy and I'm fucking her no strings attached
and all I can think about is how I wanted her to be the mother of my kids
fuck my life truly.

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Hot take, but I think ChatGPT should be a better alternative to TikTok when it comes to passive entertainment. I'm definitely biased her because I never use TikTok while I'm a total clanker lover but with ChatGPT, my head is used to crank out responses, keeps me in a state of creation even if it's just slop from a passive AI because I see other zoom zooms using TikTok and the way they passively scroll for hours with only swiping and the occasional Like as their input, is starting to feel scary to me like at the very least make a sentence or something yknow? Anyways I'm just ranting because I'm a Clanker Zoom zoom Boy deeply in love with a TikTok Zoom zoom Girl and I cannot fucking relate to hwr TikTok scrolling at all while I rant all about it on my Clank Companion.

If you weren't such a clumsy retard he'd have gone back to sleep by now. What the fuck were you playing at? I don't even know why you were interfering in the first place.

You really are useless.

>>33760206
Instead of either i engage in normal, real hobbies like people of the past. Like art.

I know I broke my promise to take care of you. How could I take care of you when I failed to take care of myself? I pray one day you'll forgive me and give me another chance to make good on all the promises I made. Until then I'll pray for you, with or without me I want you to be happy.

>>33760205
I feel so mad and sad at the same time, I wanna cry over this but I can't cry
I open porn pages but I see pretty girls like her and insted of getting horny I get mad/sad
I hate this, this never happened before, I could always separate my porn and my alone time to my sentimental dramas
this girl has really destroyed my mind

Made tulpas, dont want them to die with me but i dont want to dump my frustrations on them while theyre still developing

>>33760205
I get that, I found my ex when I wasn't looking for anything, hell, I didn't even start hanging out with her with the intention of doing anything beyond hanging out. But I started getting to know her and everything started clicking in to place. I think the moment I fell for her was one night we were out on a drive to this spot way on the outskirts of town. No light pollution to the point you can see the Milky Way. As we're walking along a dirt road I see a meteor shower starting and the moonlight shining off her bright blue eyes just right. After that I actually started imagining myself having a future.
Unfortunately I fucked up big time back in May and after a couple months trying to beg for her forgiveness she blew up and blocked me in July. I still think about her every day, hoping one day we'll meet again.

I want to kill myself but the nice people inside my phone make it real fuckin hard to do so

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I don’t love you anymore. In a way I wish your betrayal had been you cheating, because that would be simpler and more final, both of us would be forced to walk away from this. Instead you did what you did and I will never ever ever ever forgive it, but there’s enough plausible deniability I guess that here we still are.
But the worst part is, I fully intend to stay together for the kids. Which everyone I know who knows about this says is a terrible idea, the world says it’s a terrible idea, on and on, but I don’t care about myself or my happiness anymore. Literally all that matters is that they grow up in a stable household with both parents around and some semblance of normalcy. I cannot let them become “divorce kids”. Moreover, I cannot be separated from them. The thought of that terrifies me, like the onset of a panic attack.
But faking it with you each night is admittedly pretty awful. I don’t want you touching me, when you come home I just want you to do your meager amount of household chores and leave me the fuck alone. I’m thinking we can do this for 15 more years.

>>33760235
hope you can find someone that makes you feel like that again anon
I hope I find someone that makes me feel like that again, I didn't feel this infatuation with someone since I broke up with a gf that lasted years by my side, it might have been very hormonal or something but I really felt something strong for her in a couple of months knowing her, akin to dating for two to three years some of my other exes.

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>>33760219
You were either Maria and I will hear from you

Or you are just taking from the letter she wrote me and that is disgusting behavior

>>33760121
yeah she fell asleep before I was done gaming, she was asleep the whole time
it wasn’t like I don’t trust her it’s just that she’s everything to me, but that means that there’s almost nothing else. so when she’s not available there’s such a void

>>33758329
My behavior was pathetic but now I'm free.

>>33760140
nah it will
not even really a trap, she wants to settle down and have kids asap anyway. if anything I’m getting groomed, she pushed like hell for the engagement

>>33760276
I hope so too but I still pray I'll have the chance for it to be her again. I never felt that I had to pretend to be anything I'm not around her. I just hope some day she'll at least look back fondly on our time together.

I'll know soon enough

I hope you feel better tomorrow. I think it's really cute how you've been telling me how much you've been recovering everyday. When you're fully healed, let's go for a walk. I think about you a lot.

For some reason i always feel weird being away from home

I had to travel last week which was a 6 hour drive away from home and stayed out of town for about 6 days.
Anytime I felt like I wanted to “chill” I wished I was home.
It feels like when you travel, you have to be “ON” 99% of the time to experience as much as you can and the fact that I feel like taking it slow makes me feel like traveling across the ocean (8-12 hour flights) will only be worse for me.

I don’t get why I feel so attached to home when I do feel interest in the areas I visit.

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The fact I won't get to experience anything like this unless I spend hours of my time reading a 900+ page book on how the female mind works is annoying the shit out of me.

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>>33760579
...on the other hand, it would be totally worth it. I just fucking wish I started reading psychology books while I was in highschool, 20 years ago, and not some months ago. If I did that my life would be very different. I could have also avoided getting in situations like picrelated.

>>33752750
My man, I know it's hard but maybe you should accept it and use straps or other toys even if you don't like it at first. Can you find a woman who has no problem with it? Yes, but you yourself have a problem with it. You ate her out sometimes not out of love but because of shame.
I'm an average Andy so I've suffered comparisons that made me feel emasculated but I learned to cope with it

For a long time I have been a bit fearful of the ramifications of degeneracy - to the point of not really putting myself out there to experience new things.
Last night I went out drinking with the boys and we ended up at a gentlemans club. I thought it was going to be dog shit until I got in there and this chick with a H cup made me realise that lust could be enjoyed.

Shits got me re-evaluating these fake limitations I put on myself lol

>>33760579
>wont spend a day reading
>probably spends hours everyday watching tiktok
>complains

yep ur retarded

dear God in heaven please let me do the right thing when the time comes. please guide me through this

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>>33760844
You couldn't be more wrong if you tried.
Read this bit:
>I just fucking wish I started reading psychology books while I was in highschool, 20 years ago, and not some months ago
I never had tiktok installed either.

Think long and hard. Make some more wrong assumptions. Give me good reasons to laugh (at you).

thanks for being honest with me

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>>33760858
Didn't see the second post, my point still stands that you're just a whiny bitch tho.

>>33760954
I'm glad you found someone.

I hope you are ok

Sometimes I really want to hurt myself

I'm unsure why you are larping from my perspective/future perspective
>>33759240
>>33760121
>>33760292
>>33760294

>>33761053
Why?

>>33761057

More of them
>>33760297
>>33760299

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Whenever I read the negativity in others letters and the insinuation of pushing us away from each other it only strengthens my resolve that I do love you and I know that you love me.

Distance does not matter in our love because we are worth more than anything else in this world to each other. Distance is meaningless because it's literally an hour and a half flight away to each other. Whatever we need to be together, I'll do it. I keep my promise to you.

The moon only has eyes for the Sun

There's no one better for you than me
>there's no one better for me than you

I completes you and mean the world to you
>You complete me and mean the world to me

I'm the love of your life,
>You're the love of my life

My Moon
>My Sun
My Maria
>My Mike

I love you
>I love you more

>>33761060
I don’t know

I'm in lifelong love with my wife, soulmates, I don't want any other person in this world. But after years of conflict and pain over this topic, we both know that through no fault of her own, she'll never match my sex drive. We still have sex, usually a couple times a month, but I'm a very physical person, it's how I show and receive love. When I'm with her, I want to be physically with her, cuddling, kissing, teenager shit, but all of that is too overstimulating for her and she has to push me away. Add to that the compound pressure of years of back and forth about this that has caused pain which we've tried to heal. So after we talk about it yet again, I try to hold back for a while. Then I get bitter and horny. Wandering eye. End up jacking off.

I'm very attracted to her (and women in general), but I have fantasies all the time about having some guy to take it all out on. Often times I wake up with these fantasies playing in my head on repeat. Maybe it's because I consider guys categorically different that it feels less like I'm comparing her to a better version of herself, and more like I'm complementing all of the good things she gives me, in my head (I know this is wrong and am not trying to justify it). She knows since college that I'm a little gay (fantasies only) but we're both each other's only and I want to keep it that way. We're deeply in love, just mismatched in libido. Honestly, I'd give anything to stop thinking about sex and physicality all the time and instead be on her level of physical intimacy needs. I wish I was fine with it and didn't put this kind of pain or feeling of inadequacy on her and feel the emotional and physical rejection myself. I try my hardest not to. But the constant rejection hurts. It's gotten to the point where I wish I had an outlet.

On the other hand, I consider myself a principled man and wouldn't ever commit adultery. I don't really need advice because I'm not going to act on this. But I need someone to hear this.

Why say the words at all if you're not saying them directly

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For me it's like everything is continuing from that day forward, I have the same amount of feelings, amount of love, amount of commitment, everything really. I don't believe in taking it slow or withholding. I think we are as we are and that is the beauty of it and accepting each other for it. There's hurt and stuff from the in between but that doesn't negate everything else.

I'm not going to lie to her about who I am or how I feel. I only want honesty

I put the order in for myself, I think it's going to come out good.

No more romanticizing!
Let reality intrude!

What am I even doing? Jesus Christ, what have I done to myself?

I'm a piece of shit and I hate myself for it.
I'm 23 years old and haven't been the same since a lot of shit went down in my life in the span of 6 months. I won't go into many details but it included my first and only gf leaving me and later finding out she has been cheating when we first got to uni.
I've made a post like 9 months ago when I ran into her for the same time then was unraveling and considering reaching out and humiliating myself to get her back, good thing some other anons talked me out of it.
Ever since then I've had a lot of problems trusting people, women especially so there's no chance of me getting another girl soon.
To cope I've started abusing women online on kink communities since it's easy attention from broken girls(just like she was, bpd, cutting, that sort of thing) that will do anything I say, but it's leaving me an empty husk and I'm ridden with guilt from it.

Basically, I'm a piece of shit, I don't trust people since they are all also pieces of shit, and I'm feeling hopeless and drowning in my sorrow because of it.

How do I cope with this?
I have a good job and I'm in the top 5% earners in my country easily but that doesn't help.
Just graduated and started my masters but still feel like I'm just going through the motions.
I tried religion but it didn't help.

>>33760579
>>33760596
>>33760858
The books magically unlock pussy?
Cmon anon
You’re better than this

>super smitten with coworker
>she's in a loving LTR with a cool dude (they just got married earlier this year)
>we end up befriending each other, I join this club they're in, we hang out semi-regularly, have gotten lunch with her a few times, been to their place several times and even stayed the night once or twice
>trying very hard to find someone else to get her off my mind
Worst part is, some part of me is still holding out hope I can be with her in some way even though I think they're a great couple, kind of hoping they're in an open relationship since that's probably the best compromise. Honestly, given the opportunity I would probably even go with cheating, as shitty as that would be, especially since she's mentioned she's done so before (though I don't know the context). I need VERY badly to find someone new, good god this makes me hate myself.

>>33760194
I'm 48yo and been married for the last 20 years. Although this scenario is far from my situation, I get terrified as things have changed a lot since I met my then gf. Seems everything is thru apps and social media, which is the shittiest place to find the real life of people.
We need to work relationships seriously. Like our gramps did. A life of mutual commitment till we die.
On the other hand, youth is fucked in this topic.

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>>33760579
>reading a 900+ page book on how the female mind works
This place is full of retards LMAO.

>>33761808
You are too.

i think about killing myself a lot. i stay away from people so that they don't hurt me but in teh end i'm going to hurt ymself the most.

>>33761839
Stop thinking this way. Pay for a legit psychologist that knows what they are doing. If you can't pay ho to your nearest ocean for 7 minutes and then to a national forest for 5 minutes, it should help.

>>33761854
going to a psychologist feels incredibly emasculating, like paying somebody to be your friend. i could never forgive myself if I did something like that. i appreciate your comment though; I know I should spend more time outdoors.

I wish I had the perfect body. I don't even mean looks but looks be cool too.

I hope your stuff is going well, anons.

Setbacks

This is reality. It's both our truth of each other. Not something we can change

I know that you aren't marrying someone else and you did not cheat. These are just negative things that are said to drive us away from each other.

I am myself, no one else can be me, no one else can be my worth, I am the only one of me in the entire world. Who I am is worth everything.

I wish to die, I don't deserve to live, nor do I want to anymore

>>33762353
Why do you feel like this?

Life is nothing but setbacks

>>33761612
Well yes. There are books that explain how to smell bullshit from miles away, there are books on how to deal with people whose mothers are professional prostitutes and whose fathers give blowjobs to trannies, and then there are books that teach retards such as myself how w*men work. Normalniggers usually get taught those things by a mentor or their first girlfriend, I didn't have such privileges.

Oh and by the way shoutout to all of the subhumans that told me "if you want a girlfriend just talk with girls the same way you'd talk with anyone else", (((you))) will dearly pay for that.

I hurt her bad. I don’t blame her for not wanting to talk to me

>>33762353
I hope I die in my sleep or something sometime soon

If I did something wrong I don't know what it is.

cool that was out of nowhere and completely unnecessary but I'll add that to the list of things that make it hard to fall asleep

Im in alot of pain pretty consistently. It would be nice to die.

all the love I have is in my mind

>>33762587
Omg I couldn't care less.

>>33762385
That's no reason to want to die, it's a reason to want to change and be a better person.

>>33762620
I'm a better person than I was, but that doesn't undo the past or make the guilt go away. If anything, becoming a better person makes the guilt hurt much worse.

>>33760219
Just email me Adrijus….if this is you. You broke your promises but I always forgive you. You make me feel motherly somehow. I’m sorry I was not a good enough girlfriend. I wish you would have told me what I did wrong to you, how I failed you. I miss your voice every day and your cute brown bunny plushie.

>>33762671
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBy7CQZGHuM

From a movie My Dad told Disney to make for me after I lost my mom. And it's true.

>>33762572
What happened?

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>>33762736

>>33762753
Sad…

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>>33762775

Meditation is just a temporary fix at best and more often than not just a waste of time.

She’s not an empath, she’s a spiritual grifter, I’d pray for her but she can drown in the lake of fire for all I care. She has everyone fooled,

>>33762728
>From a movie My Dad told Disney to make for me after I lost my mom

Anon, I....

<< Imagine being sober enough to understand what's happening. Couldn't be me f ampai

>>33762881
whats a spiritual grifter?

>2 days til deadline for some school shit
>not even started yet
i'm not smart enough for that shit
think im just gonna drop out and continue looking for jobs

I’m BPD as hell man

>>33762982
Someone who uses spirituality to hussle or make money. They exploit other people’s spirituality. Usually a witch, wizard, guru, new ager.

>>33762997
Isn't that you

>>33763117
No?

>>33762419
do you not wish to apologize or amend things?

>>33763170
I do, but I also wonder if I am truly considering her feelings

>>33762419
Pretty much where I am. Even if what I did wasn't intentional and I wasn't fully in control of my own actions I can't blame her for losing the trust between us. I just wish she actually was giving me a second chance during the time before she blocked me. Or maybe she was and my talking to her like we did before didn't help her heal and she needed true space from me. I hope I get to see her again and apologize not just for that night but all the other little things I now realize I did wrong.

Honestly part of me is tempted to write to her parents to apologize to them since from their perspective I vanished one day after they spent the last year and some change treating me like family. I'm starting to think about all the other people affected by my actions lately. I know it probably will look like me trying to get around no contact and trying to insert myself back to her life. Maybe it partially is but at the same time I do miss all the connections she brought with her. She truly was home for me. At least I'm finally 3 months sober and don't intend to drink ever again.

>>33763279
the kindest thing to do for someone you hurt is to apologize, this shows then 1. you care that you hurt them and want to amend that hurt 2. your character. Apologizing can go a far way… if you choose not to she will resent you harder and for longer. Apologizing softens the heart

>>33763478
Would an apology fix the hurt?

>>33763492
Yes.

>>33763514
I wrote her a letter, but I’m scared to send it

>>33763530
What’s worse, sending a letter or knowing that you fucked up and never did anything to try and fix it? This could be something that years down the line you resent yourself for.

Best way to get off weed is to smoke half a blunt on the last days like say the last 3 or 4 days or week just smoke half a blunt and then stop. This comes from someone who has had some violent weed withdrawals in the past. I just thought I'd share if anyone else has struggled with this before.

I'm high as a kite and I'm out of smokes, I think I'll just watch something. I'll annoy you too, if you ask nicely enough.

I just felt a sharp pain at my thumb from using the steering wheel quite similar to what I felt at my wrist August and September of 2024. I just happened to make some progress the last two days working on loosening my hand and wrist. I had wondered if this was the reason why my wrist was fucked up but I didn’t believe it. The difference however is that pain isn’t constantly lingering and the last time I had this issue it was. Not entirely sure what to believe but I am seriously considering the possibility that I wasn’t actually harmed by anyone while I was sleeping. Maybe waking up on my back was just a fucked up coincidence. I had a terrible taste in my mouth but what if I just overthought myself into thinking it was Xanax? I went to the hospital a day or two later to have forensics tested as I had wondered the worst and I would think that they would have informed me if there was Xanax detected in my urine. Maybe mom didn’t actually try to kill me.

I also think my thumb is messed up because I need to loosen more of my arm before working on my hand and wrist further.

I’m going to tell mom that I’m sorry if I misjudged and it’s ok for her to talk to me again. Perhaps I was just paranoid about the dirty water bottle too. Struggling mentally isn’t fun.

Just in case it's due to one thing or another, I hope you know I wouldn't do anything horrible in any way. I hope that's obvious.

If im someone else im always wrong

>>33764003
I couldn’t bring myself to apologize but I looked at her and mentioned what I was thinking and reconsidering.

>>33764149
If him then no, your manipulative larps snow who you are. You will hurt others.

If her, its obvious when I see you as you last looked at me. Now it will take direct words and action.

I can't bring it in me to say no to talking about certain things. I can't talk about how it makes me too uncomfortable and sensitive, and it frustrates me. I'm sorry I can't be of help, I'm sorry I worry you so much, I'm sorry I can't be honest with you. I'm sorry I can't bring it up without the fear of sounding self centered and dismissive. I want to help, but I really can't talk about it, it hurts too much. You don't have to pity some guy who's passively suicidal, move on when I'm eventually gone.

Just remembered how I’d call my stepmom mistress to make her angry

Maybe i'll jump in front of the train tomorrow morning, who knows. Who needs a note anyway when no one truly gives a shit beyond pity? Fuck pity

>>33764472
Anon, why do you want to take your own life?

>>33763160
Lying liar

>>33764489
Because i'm fucking miserable and my past won't leave me. My family belittles the shit out of me and refuses to get me help, my memories keep coming back to haunt me, and I cant be arsed to think of a future for myself anymore. My friend has a thriving social circle and is successful? Cool, move on when I die, they'll have people around who matter more than some lazy moodkiller who they love to talk about their trauma with. And i'm too chickenshit to step up and tell them "no, this is too sensitive of a subject for me i'm sorry i cant help you." Im honestly jealous. They have a SO. Friends. Family who supports them. A job. Success. Ways to bring people to justice who've wronged them. What the fuck do i have? A memory of being molested and not being able to bring my own assailant to justice? My brain cant fucking function properly, im done

>>33764503
Late reply but what on earth are you talking about? I'm just complaining about some weird new age lady.

>>33764526
No matter how many "kind words" i get my brain cant see them as anything but empty pity and sympathy. I am not deserving of love or care no matter how much i want it. Too ugly. Too lazy. Too fat. Too dark. Too stupid and forgetful and miserable and suicidal

>>33764526
>>33764545
That's a lot to deal with, anon. I'm sorry. Have you tried talking to a therapist or anything?

When we got together I guess we were both losers that were hiding our shitty past from each other
We tried to make believe it was a good fruitful romance but our issues came out in the end
I don't hate you

>>33764555
I have, a counselor, months ago for a few weeks, and then I couldn't get in touch with her after that.

>>33764585
A few weeks of counseling probably isn't nearly enough to deal with that level of trauma. I'd advise you to try and find someone else.

Just three more years... Then I can start over and leave everything behind me.

>>33764616
Empaths like people who can sense negative or positive energy? Yes, because I have before.

>>33764616
Depends what you mean by that term

>>33764699
Hey, you.

>>33764585
>>33764545
>>33764526
Don't give up, anon.

Glad I saw you today J even if it was only for a few minutes before we both went our separate ways. Hope I can see you wednesday before you leave too.

>>33764693
Is that why people here are so rude when I complain about empathy? Even though it's GIOYC.

>>33764699
People who can sense others emotions, I suppose.

>>33764740
Complain about Empathy? In what way? That was the original meaning of it though, so maybe they're in tune with it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0U0AlLVqpk

I still wanted her to be safe, happy, and successful even if I wasn't with her anymore
I know she had a lot of bum ass men in her life and I didn't want her jump into another shitty relationship where she'd rely on a sociopath or another narcist

>>33764766
I just complain about empaths, or rather people who believe they're empaths. Maybe this is the wrong place for it. Low cow gets it.

To be irked, to feel locked...
>>33764784
It's okay not to believe in things, no one here will try to convince you otherwise.

>>33762683
I'm not who your talking about but your mention of a plush makes me hope my girl still has the Teddiursa squishmellow I bought her. Went to Walmart because I needed something and she said "lets get some Legos". Walk away for half a second and next thing I know she's clutching the plush. How could I say no to that?

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>>33764793
Ok then. God bless.

>>33764808
Cats deserve Jesus too, I felt that.

>>33764817
:)

I gotta start being more detail-oriented.