Ive been with my boyfriend for 7 years now, we are both 30. We have a good life together, live in a big house, decent amount of money, work/life balance is good etc.We talked about kids a while ago (probably like 5 years ago) and i know my bf is dead set on not wanting any. Me, on the other hand, am ambivalent. I feel like i might regret the decision to not have kids, because at points i get very into the idea of being a mother, and i think i would potentially be a good one aswell. Then at other times i feel the complete opposite. Like i would be the worst mother imaginable and that having a kid would ruin my life.I have probably already waited too long, i am 30 after all. What are the odds that i would find an even better partner than my current one, who also happens to want to start a family within a couple of years? Its impossible..I guess what im looking for is advice from anyone whos been in a similar situation.
>>33766048just talk about it. at 30 it is hard to find a better partner. and you have been with him for 7 fucking years, you will always think about him. just fucking communicate and if your bf is not an absolute retard, he will understandbut ofc before think abt why you want a kid. by experience ppl that can have kids and don't regret it
As a fellow almost 30 kid wanter, I would just say go with your gut. People will give you all sorts of shit about benefits/demerits but that doesn't matter for shit. If you want kids then maybe try to find someone who wants them too and talk about it, get some perspective. Also just personal opinion but adamant no-kids people are massive losers. Being uncertain/scared etc is normal but throwing out bullshit like erm but what about me? is pure cringe loser shit and you shouldn't waste your time with that. As a dude it doesn't really matter when but you're on a fast clock as a woman. At 30 you really don't have much more time to think about it before its too late. But really don't line up excuses and just go with your gut. It's the choice between did it and regret it or the accursed what if regret.
>>33766247But i already know he doesnt want any. He has told me plenty of times, and all of the times ive been gaslighting myself, thinking about the poor hypothetical child ending up with me as a mother. Or how childbirth would ruin my body and my bf wouldnt look at me the same anymore.Still i feel that motherly urge at times, and it makes me so sad. I wouldnt want to give up the life i have now for something im not even 100% sure about. But as you say, ive also known people who talks about regretting not having kids when they could, and i dont want to end up like that either.
>I have probably already waited too long, i am 30 after all. What are the odds that i would find an even better partner than my current one, who also happens to want to start a family within a couple of years? Its impossible..yeah this is the problem herebut desu together for 7 years and not married is kind of crazy tooyoure just in a really bad spot honestlyyou say your financials and life with him are good but do you love him?
yeah, you're fucked and wasted your viable eggs on a lamebrain idiot.
>>33766048Absolutely do not have a discussion with your partner, instead bottle your feelings up till you start hating your partner and explode in self harming tendency, and don't forget to do all the stupid shit you get told by people who never had a partner on the internet
>>33766311I do love him. He is great in every single way other than the dilemma at hand.
>>33766333real talk here. he is your partner not a fucking toy or a retard. talk to him. and don't say "womp i'm gaslighting myself". can you have a kid ? do you have enough money ? do you know where to put it in school ? then you are setnow why do you want a kid ? now why does you bf not want one ? and why aren't you guys married in the first place ?
>>33766048>I have probably already waited too long, i am 30 after allThat's a meme. You should be worried when you creep past 35
>>33766048I don't think you should have kids unless it is a strong desire. In contrast, I love children and have always known that, there are no days on which I don't want kids
>>33766346honestly my mom had me at 42 and i was already her caretaker basically at 20 35 should be the hard cutoff for childrenalso imagine yourself trying to take care of a rowdy 10 year old at 45
>>33766048listen, nothing is more important than having kidsIf you don't have kids then you're basically just waiting to die. Don't let yourself become a genetic dead end, don't let down your ancestors. You owe it to your parents to have grandchildren and you owe it to all your other ancestors too.what are you going to do for the rest of your life if you don't have kids? travel? what are you going to do when you're 60 and all your friends spend time with their kids or other families?seriously, if you can't have kids with your current spouse or partner then move on.
>>33766345The "logistics" wouldnt be a problem.Its hard to say why i want a kid. Mostly its an urge, to nurture, i suppose. But i also think it could bring me much love and joy, and that i could give that to the child aswell.
>>33766372I get what you are saying. Along with all the other thoughts ive been having, theres also the feeling of guilt for letting my parents (and ancestors) down. Im an only child after all.
>a vague urge and sense of guiltyou really sure thats enough? better to regret not having than to regret having
>>33766048There is a lot of talk about women having it easy in terms of relationships, but the truth is that most people of both sexes are screwed. Because the point of relationships is to have a family, but when women finally get with the guy they want the guy in question is hesitant to commit because he probably has other options because if he's already chosen chances are it's the type of guy a lot of women want. Unless you clarify the topic of having children early in the relationship you end up like OP. And even if she asks him he's interested early on he may just feign interest and enthusiasm to keep her around. How many guys are willing and capable of becoming a decent father in todays age on top of being attractive? Way lower than the number of bums with pump and dump mentality. Moral of the story: it takes two to tango. I feel bad for you OP honestly. I hope it works out somehow.
>>33766381>Its hard to say why i want a kidYOU'RE A WOMAN, YOUR BODY IS LITERALLY MADE FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF MAKING CHIKDREN YOU DUMBFUCK, BRAINWASHED BY JEWMEDIA CATTLE FUCK
>>33766420But how many genuinely regret having kids? I feel like you dont hear about that very often. But maybe im looking in the wrong places.
>>33766432beats finding plan B in her purse during Christmas vacation, uncovering multiple affairs, and hearing her scream>I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH YOUafter 5 years of being together. She was the one who said we'd move forwards after we stopped actively using protection.Narcissists are fun times, I just wanted to spend Christmas together.
>>33766481The obly women regretting having childten are the morally bankrupt ones or crackwhores wanting more money for their crack.
>>33766491if thats the 'plan', im out now.
>>33766491Schizo-kun, we need more context. Your comment beats what exactly? Who are you talking about? Uncovering whose affairs?
>>33766491sounds messed upmy condolences anon I hope you're doing good now
>>33766545women making shitty choices and being stuck with a manchild beats dating a treacherous psycho who actively hates you
>>33766048Two problems:You don't have a relationship you have a roommate. And your life plans no longer coincide. Get a new roommate or get a spouse its already over. Its not like if you leave he's going to mourn the dream of his kids with you LOL.The other problem is you seem to think there's zero demand for a 30-something with no kids. I think you will be shocked how insanely popular you'll be compared to the chicks with 5 kids from 5 different men. Yes dating is an auction market and the guy you really want probably got married at 25 and has 3 kids now so you're not getting that great of a guy. But without some other guy's kids, you'll get the cream of the crop of 30-something guys, thats for sure. You might want to aim high, the doctor who just got his specialty residency or the lawyer who's done with his entry level 120 hour work week and is chillin as a partner now, and its time for those guys to find a chick who doesn't have some other guy's save-game in a kiddie car seat.
>>33766432>chances are it's the type of guy a lot of women wantCheck out this math: Women all want the same top 10% guy not the lower 90% of guys.OK then, the natural result is the first, top, 10% of women, probably mostly 9/10 and better, will lock down a guy before the lower 90% of women.What age are 10% of women married? 19. Holy shit.Its not a PERFECT market so all the 9/10 are not gone by 20, but ... clearly a hell of a lot of them are.So no, anonette waited a decade too long and is virtually certain not to lock down TurboChad.None of the terminally online bullshit talk about "median age" this and that matter. All chicks want the top 10% Chad, and 10% of them are married off by 19, so you do the math about how things are going to turn out for 90% of women by elderly age 30...
>>33766048He has remained consistent while you want to change the rules in mid-game. Why does he have to change to meet your new demands?
>>33766481go to reddits regretful parents board
>>33766571Oh shit, you're right. But then why would that psycho even be together with the man, lmao? Purely for money and stuff?
>>33766595This.
>>33766622The top 10% of women get married by 19? Who said that?
>>33766481My parents did ^^. No, but seriously you'd be surprised by how many people actually hate having kids, but they just don't talk about it. It's kinda understandable, I mean having kids is a lot of effort and eats up at least like 12 years of your life where you have to basically dedicate all of your time to them. I'm not going to have kids, because it's just not worth it.
>>33766622>So no, anonette waited a decade too long and is virtually certain not to lock down TurboChad.You make it sound like an option. If the guy is not interested in locking her down with children it won't happen. Maybe she can make him accidentally impregnate her and be the sole caretaker with possibly some reluctant involvement from the father but that's not exactly ideal either. Without a present father it's not worth it imo.
>>33766707Cluster B degenerates literally get off on cheating, lying, devaluing and ultimately discarding their "favourite person".Then the cycle repeats.They have no empathy, murderers are cluster B too.
>>33766750Ah damn. Just like me fr fr
>>33766750What the heck is cluster B? Kinda like beta males?
>>33766732>it's not worth it imo.Even with a present father, it's not worth it when he's reluctant.>t. my father never wanted kids and I felt it ever since I was born.
>>33766834cluster B personality disordersBorderlinesHistrionicsNarcissistsAntisocialsaka shameless whores and violent niggers
>>33766048You've really got until 35 and if kids is something you want, you need to look for someone else now if he will not have them.
>>33766853true. My ex was 38 when we started dating and 43 when she cheated on me because "you came inside me for 3 years and nothing ever happened".I was 29 at the time btw
>>33766840>Even with a present fatherI'm not just referring to being physically present
>>33766924Then what are you referring to...?
>>33766848Oh. I see now. Thanks!
>>33766048So what were you talking about for SEVEN YEARS?! This beggars the imagination, so I won't read any further.
>>33766941A father who is mentally present will do what he can to keep his children on track so they don't have to learn things the hard way. The mother on the other hand may provide comfort and basic necessities, but she does not have a mature male perspective. She won't take certain proactive measures and spot dangers early enough. When you are the most powerful person in a household you have the potential to do the most good and bad for whoever is involved. So what we have today is mostly broken families with children who eventually become adults who are off the rails. When children are neglected by their father all they are left to do is let the mother father them or father themselves, which is a sad and unrealistic expectation. You're just leaving it to luck at that point.
>partnerare you a gay cowboy? if not don't call your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife partner.
>>33766904Right, because on the balance of probabilities the problem was definitely with you and not her. What a cunt.
>>33767077I was agreeing with you already
>>33766904Why would you date a 38 year old woman at 29??
>>33767077This is what I mean by being mentally present, but I will also add that being emotionally present is the next important thing. If the children grow up with parents who are happy together it will naturally inspire them, consciously or subconsciously to seek a spouse they can emulate their parents behavior because it is associated with joy and comfort.
>>33767136Then why did you ask?
>>33766048>I feel like i might regret the decision to not have kidsyou willact accordingly
>>33767177Because I didn't know what you were referring to
>>33767188Are you sure its not too late for that already? Would a guy my age want a 30 y/o to start a family with? Am i too old?
>>33767437In the past you would attend third spaces in your community like church, nowadays it's online. There is a risk that the guy you're living with will discover it somehow, but I don't know if you would even care about him breaking it off at this point considering he's wasted your most fertile years already. You can get your fertility status checked if you want to get an understanding of how much time you have left and what the risk of complications are. I probably wouldn't do it after 35. Why did noone in your life stress the importance of figuring this out earlier? My condolences. Good luck.
>>33766048>30FIF you are a real F, go an freeze eggs just to be sure.
>>33766048trips say no kids
' A couple of years from now' will be too late. You're already pushing it and the fact that you're still with the same guy makes me winder if you're just two duds. Pregnancy after 35 is a geriatric pregnancy. True story. Your eggs while still 95% viable are past their Sell By date. I say that not to be a shit but to be realistic. Kids after 35 is doable. But harder DESU. We had my oldest when my wife was 25, and she was 36 with our youngest. 4 boys, 1 girl. All adults, and just the youngest is still at home but he's in college. It's never the right time financially to have kids. I was broke and worked 7 days a week with just holidays off but I was young then. We have money now, but our first 3 kids had 1 bedroom to share for 8 years, lol. And you know, we're happy and it was all worth it. Now that my kids are adults, my wife and I travel a lot. Don't wait. But also don't get knocked up before marriage. Your kid will be a loser. And so will you.100% guaranteed.
>>33769597Thats expensive af tho
>>33766048Just give up on the idea of having kids. You've been dating the same guy for seven years and you're living with him. He doesn't even want to marry you, let alone have kids with you. To be honest, you probably would be a bad mom. You don't even have commitment from the man you're sleeping with yet you assume you would be able to commit to raising children? You don't even have a stable environment to raise them in. You are just selfish and evil and want kids because you want them, not because you would raise them well or keep them safe. And your boyfriend already knows that having kids with you is a bad idea which is why he refuses to do it.
>7 years and no ringGirlllll
>>33771083What are you basing this on? Where im from marriage isnt really a big deal, i think its even more common not to be married. Ive never had thoughts of marriage myself so why would i care if he has.And what does me being a good mom has anything to do with the commitment of my bf? The dilemma isnt if im going to have kids with this man or not, its if i should find another one who wants to have my kids or just stay childless.
yeah the bigger red flag is no marriage after 7 years. it implies he is getting all the perks of marriage without lock that binds him to it.the deadline for me would be at most 2 years dating, and 1 year as fiance (ideally living together).
>>33771235I'm a guy and I would never ever get married. All my assets are tied to either my mother or brother.When I'm in love I'm in it 100%, would love to be a father and provider, but women have proved to me time and time again that it just isn't worth the effort.First step out of boundaries and off to the streets you go.
>>33767142Why not chud? My gf is 54 & I'm 27. Milfs/older ladies are the best. Nothing like a older woman looking after you
>>33766048>I have probably already waited too long, i am 30 after all.you haven't but you're about to. had kids at 40, wife 41 and being the fucking grandpa looking dad who can't do shit with them because I'm old. Also if you do try jump on possible fertility issues fucking ASAP you don't have 10 years to waste fucking around.That said my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me they fill my life with the only true joy I've ever known. We were like "oh the cat is our child" people and "our niece is like our daughter" let me tell you the second I had real kids I'd break all their necks and gas 1,000 kids to make sure they weren't unhappy.don't forget you're a treasure a divorced women who comes without kids and wants them is a fucking unicorn. don't give up on your happiness, if your man is still a manchild maybe it's time to go out and get what you really want out of life while there is still time.
>>33766048Your "partner" isn't really a committed partner. He knows marriage and children mean running off will be harder for him, not that he won't eventually do that. I give it 3 more years and you will be dumped for a young woman. I hope you have financially protected yourself.
>>33766481you're not wrong the happiest familes seem to have started with oops babies. the ones that kept them and struggled through. the only semi regret I've ever seen is the oops babies that came when their other children are teens. that's hard but I've never seen actual regret just a wistfulness to the college years that are now filled with elementary school as well.
>>33771311>oops babies that came when their other children are teensThose are children of a wifes infidelity
You will regret it. This is coming from a 42 year old woman. Life is fucking long and not having a child after a certain age literally sucks. You will have no one there for you as you get old. No one will ever love you as much as your own child and you will never love anyone as much as your own child. Never let a man convince you that his love is enough for you to not have children. You have to convince him or end things. It sucks, but this is the rest of your life. Thankfully, women these days are having children into their 40s so you still have time. I had one in my mid 30s and my biggest regret in life is that I didn't have more. My husband didn't want more. One of the reasons I divorced him. Once you become a mother you will realize the true beauty of life, it is the most amazing experience you will EVER have.
>>33771306Thanks. I would rather end it now than do that to myself
>>33771504then do it cunt, and find a man who wants a family.
>>33771198>Where im from marriage isnt really a big deal, i think its even more common not to be marriedThat just means that you have very shitty parents in your area. >Ive never had thoughts of marriage myself so why would i care if he has.Because you have extremely low self-esteem because you know that you are not worth marrying, and you are correct. >And what does me being a good mom has anything to do with the commitment of my bf?Because a man who is not committed to you will not be committed to any child who comes out of you. And this guy has been with you seven years and still doesn't think you're worth settling with permanently. So why, when you are already an entire decade past your prime, do you think that there are attractive men who would want to settle down with you and have children, when the one man who you've been with the longest already made the decision that you aren't worth that type of commitment? What makes you so incredible that you think attractive men would want to be with you when they could be with a younger, more attractive woman who actually might be worth marrying?It's just a matter of practicality. If I knew a guy who dated a girl for five years and didn't marry her, I'm not thinking, oh man, he missed out, let me scoop her up. I'm thinking, okay, five years and she still wasn't good enough, I guess I should avoid her too. It saves me time. It's like letting another person make mistakes for me.
>>33771509Literally all I want is a family man. I am happy wirh the man I have.
>>33770960the price after it becomes physically impossible (sooner than you think) will become priceless.buy once cry once
>>33771526pick one
>>33771526OK then be alone with a cat and some boxed wine after the 3rd 20-something leaves your apartment in a week never to text you again, and you cry yourself to sleep
>>33766048If he cares about you than he would let you have a baby or 2. It’s not too late to find another mate. Most men would love to have a house wife that raised kids.
>>33771521You mean the guy who constantly tells me how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, doesnt actually want me and is just settling?
>>33772643he's probably just not interested in having children but still wants to be with you
>>33766247I left a guy after 9 years and he only crosses my mind if exes come up. Suncrest is a horrible reason to stay with somebody that won't give you what you need. Hope you could absolutely find a guy that wants kids and court and have a baby within 3 years or less
>>33776476Yeah but this other guy seems to think that just because my bf doesnt want to have kids (as a principle, mind you), that must mean im not worth "settling with permanently", as if its completely unheard of that some people just dont want to have kids?
>>33776620you want kids, retard. You are wholly incompatible as a couple, but sure, throw your billions year old lineage for a guy that "loves" you.
>>33776620I don't think it's out of principle. Most people probably feel the urge to form a family, but many will choose staying childless because of the circumstance they are in. It's not that they don't want to have children it's that they would given the right conditions which is understandable.>>33776645Whether someone wants kids or not isn't as important as asking whether they are qualified and ready. It should be intentional, not accidental because whoever is lucky or unlucky enough to be the child will know. OP's situation is just sad if you ask me. It's the man who's supposed to lead the relationship and make that decision early on. Had she met a different guy she would already have several kids by now, but it's also possible that different guy doesn't exist and her best option is staying childless with the man she's currently with. Just because some are more fortunate than others doesn't mean the less fortunate lives weren't worthwhile.
>>33777074>OP's situation is just sad if you ask me.Okay maybe not just sad. It's not all bad, but it's unfortunate still. This type of situation nowadays is not very uncommon. Considering how messed up this decade so far and the one preceding it has been it's not easy out there.
>>33766595>30 year old>aim highthose dudes you described are not looking for a woman like OP lol
Use your skills to. Shit someone hire a cartoon to bring him to a tittytwisters be glad you are al iiiivvver. Or such. Idk really. Talk to your unkles. You still got the motive or whatever. Umm. Sounds.brutal. must be you. She hates the way you love. . Ask you local netgvm8wspaper. Hahhaa
>>33766048Breed me forever future tax-payers and worker drones, goy.
>>33771299>being the fucking grandpa looking dad who can't do shit with them because I'm old.The fuck? My parents were about your age, never had any problems. Did you manage to become decrepit in your 50s or what sthe problem.
>>33778170Meds, please.
>>33766048>7 years>boyfriendwhy are you wasting each others' time?
