How do I dump someone who is dependant on me, not just financially, but in general?I pay her bills, buy her food and even cook for her. I also drive her around. She's also extremely depressive and emotionally unstable, so I'm basically her therapist as well.She's currently unemployed and will continue to be until further notice, and she can't go back to her parent's. I have no idea if any of her friends would take her in.Truth is, I'm just fucking tired. I have to manage my own life and her's at the same time. She doesn't want kids either, and I do. But the main problem is how she doesn't really appreciate all the shit I do for her, and she's frequently in a bad mood and taking it out on the only person around, which is always me.>Just work on improving the relationship you pussy>Just talk to her lmaoImpossible. Doesn't work and I tried. If I bring up how she's just angry at me for no reason she gets even more pissed off and then it's my fault. Every time. She has 0 appreciation for me and asking to be treated well just pisses her off more.But I still can't really just kick her into the streets, so what the fuck do I do?>Just do it you pussy, break upAs bad as she is I don't want her to be homeless. Or to off herself, like she always says she will. I don't want to live with that on my conscience.
>>33766559>As bad as she is I don't want her to be homeless. Or to off herself, like she always says she will. I don't want to live with that on my conscience.Then shut up and take the miserable life you’re obviously wanting.
>>33766559Kick her out
>>33766559There is no easy solution. If she really can't work rn, which is a possibility with depression, move out but give her a stipend for a period of time. So, essntially continue to financially support her but dump her so you don't have to emotionally support her.Don't worry about her taking care of herself otherwise, she'll figure out how to cook
>>33766654And this, gentlemen, is what is meant when it is said that woman live on easy mode.
>>33766559Your tax money is used by the government to pay for mental institutions. These mental institutions are there for a good reason. Drop her off outside and then make an anonymous call to the psych ward saying this person wants to commit suicide. They'll lock her up and give her the treatment she needs. If you call the psych ward and they come pick her up at your home, she'll know you made the call and might be angry or become dangerous to you when she comes out.
>>33766671Nah, same advice if it was OP's boyfriend, this is about keeping mentally ill depressed people off the streets
>>33766559I don't have any advice really OP, just that I can commiserate. I posted here a few months back about how my gf does absolutely nothing for herself and while I don't intend to dump her like you, all of the advice I got from /adv/ has so far maybe turned into like a 10% change in her lifestyle. It's definitely exhausting to be relied on 100% of the time.
>>33766559I'm going through this too. She's burned out from work and I'm carer, cleaner, coach and therapist. We're going on holiday to the sun next month so I'm hoping that'll allow her to relax and recover just a tiny bit. It's exhausting, especially when you feel there's no end in sight. Depression and/or burnout is incredibly difficult on both partners. Hang in there OP.
Wow. If you have a feeling you want to dump your girlfriend, you should just do it. Obviously she deserves better.
>>33766559Help her build a life or find a new partner
She'll probably find someone fast tho if she has to. All my exes date like five different people within a year or two of breaking up.
>>33767613better to cut contact. especially if you are emotionally invested.
>>33766699>Drop her off outside and then make an anonymous call to the psych ward saying this person wants to commit suicide.Trying to get someone committed on the basis of false information will get you arrested.
>>33766559Have you tried asking mental health charities for advice? Social services might possibly be able to help too.
>>33767853What false information?
>>33766559do weirder and crazier sex stuff till she's creeped out and leaves. Could be fun.
>>33767862>What false information?Claiming someone attempted suicide when they didn't.
>>33767885Actually a good idea.
>>33766559Bring it up to her that you can't do this anymore. Maybe that will actually help her change. Be serious about it, this isn't you asking her to do better, it's you telling her this is it.She may freak out, post here what happens!
>>33767891>Claiming someone attempted suicide>this person wants to commit suicidethese are two different things anon, learn to read.
>>33766559Move out and pay one month's rent so she can figure it out. She'll have a whole place to herself and a whole month to figure out what she's doing. You're not her caretaker anymore, so don't feel guilty when she inevitably tries to keep her misery in your life.Here's how you do it:>Get new apartment after saving some extra cash to float two places. The shorter the lease, the better - this is just be your pivot apartment while you get away from her. >Stash your valued possessions (birth certificate, SS card, credit cards, passwords, etc.) so that you can take them quickly. >Get into a fight towards the end of the month, tell her you can't stand it anymore and you're moving out. Alcohol has been a friend where I needed to say what I needed to say. Whatever it takes for you to let her know it's over, do it. You should have a hotel or someone's couch to stay on - DO NOT STAY AT THE OLD APARTMENT>After the initial shock. schedule a day to move your shit out when she's not around and get it to your new place. If you have to leave something she disputes is hers, leave it, you're better off. This is where it can get messy.>Avoid any attempts on her part for repentance, behavior changes, attitude shifts, etc. Once you're done, you're done. You have to be emotionally hard for this. She might bring up all kinds of things, maybe try to retaliate in some way, whatever. >Cut all contact and common bills. Ideally she won't know where your new apartment is.>Don't look back...It's hard. A lot of woman are like this and they know exactly what they're doing. It's hard to get rid of them because they're losers beyond losers. The suicide thing is just a threat, see it as manipulation. You'll feel a great deal of freedom and relief once she's gone. Give yourself some time to let it all sink in with her and yourself. DO NOT FUCK HER, THE WHOLE PLAN GOES TO SHIT IF YOU STICK YOUR DICK BACK IN.
>>33766559There is honour in doing your best and really trying OP. There is no honour in wasting your one life on a lost cause. If you truly believe you've done everything and nothing will change its time to leave. You deserve happiness as well.
>>33766559You've been supporting her all this time and she hasn't done shit to improve herself. Her issues are not your responsibility i.e her depression, unstable mood, mental health, financial situation etc.. It's on her to solve those problems at the end of the day and if she's not actively doing anything about it and just making your life miserable, it's time for you to cut her off. Give her a firm date of when she needs to find another place by and during that time establish boundaries and show her you are not interested in a relationship with her. She's going to try and use every manipulation tactic to get you back but you need to remain strong. Once she realizes that won't work anymore and that you're truly out of the relationship, she will go without a fight.
>>33766559Give her chores around the house. Require her to go for walks. Make her cook meals for both of you. If she refuses kick her out.
>>33766559Kick that stank bitch out you stupid faggot. What is wrong with your head?
>>33768441If I tell her what to do she just gets angry at me.>>33768218That's actually good advice. Except that I actually need to get her out of here, because the place I'm renting is tied to my name and not hers. She could do all sorts of damage to it in retaliation, which I would have to pay for since I'm the only one responsible. But I guess I could offer to pay her rent somewhere else for 1-2 months, so that she has enough time to get a job. Would actually be cheaper than the insane amount of money I'm already spending on her. >>33768089Already did that. Fell for it like a retard and took her back. She changed for a few days and then slowly went back to her old habits.>>33767274>>33767453Thanks, I appreciate it
>>33768713>Already did that.How did she react initially? Does she really just put on a whole show?
>>33768721She cried and begged for about 2-3 hours and made all sorts of promises that she wasn't going to do those things anymore. She got pissed at some point and destroyed some of the drawings she made for me. Then went back to crying and begging until I accepted to give her another chance.
>>33766559>I still can't really just kick her into the streetswhy not?
>>33766559Kek, you're doing this to yourself, you dumb fuck.
>>33766559Are you and her white ?
I'd contact her parents and copy/pasta what you typed out here for us. Say, look I'm telling you this to help out your daughter as I'm going to move out and on with my own life as I'm at my wits end. I care for your daughter so this is why I contacted you about this situation but she needs a professional intervention and I am not the one that can save her. If they give you no reply or don't act, well bro then just pack your shit and bolt.
>>33766559Im in a very similar boat OP yet I am dependent on my gf in a lot of ways, mainly financially. I just cant get free because it seems like such a pain in the ass when I work full time and I am ocd about my pet and how I think she would not handle another move. Im in my 30s and I just wanna feel like a free person but im tied to this woman with years worth of trauma and no ability to ever try and understand how I feel.
>>33769437Her mother is schizophrenic and her dad is an ex convict, neither of them care about her. Her mom is so heavily medicated she takes about 5-10 seconds to respond if you try to talk to her, and she mostly just stares into empty space. She also has a bother who was a neet until 2 months ago, and another one who hanged himself like 3 years ago. Absolute trainwreck of a family, so it's no wonder she's like this.>>33769341I'm white, she is hispanic but passes for white, at least visually. Both of her parents are way darker than she is, but she came out pale-looking.
>>33771189You're just dumb at this point. If you want to simp for a mentally ill spic and take care of her knowing her family history, then I think you're the one who needs to check in at the psych ward.
>>33766559I have been in a similar situation. If you're like me, then it won't help to be given advices with how you should leave or why. You already know all that, and you keep trying to solve the wrong problems: this is not about making the breakup easy on her, or finding solutions to improve your relationship. This is about you prioritizing someone else over your own well being when this person doesn't even realize/deserve/want what you are doing for her. This does not make any sense, and what you need to work on is your self esteem. There is nothing noble in ruining your life for someone who does not even appreciate you. This is a dysfunctional behavior, likely in the objective of avoiding some other perceived greater pain (being alone?). So I would advise you to work on yourself, go to therapy, and by doing this it will become quite evident that what you are doing makes no sense, and you'll stop. Good luck, I know how hard it is to see you're the one ruining your own life and not being able to stop.
>>33771219That is mostly correct. But it's not the fear of being alone, but rather some mechanism in my brain that just prevents me from ending the relationship and forces me to keep going. I guess out of moral obligation. I'm already going to therapy, but I'm not sure how much that's helping so far. My therapist convinces me that ending the relationship is the right thing to do every session, but I'm unable to end it because I keep finding excuses not to do it (her birthday is near, she's PMSing now, she's having a bad day, etc)
>>33766559Kick her out, just tell her your done. She will find somebody else easily chud. Plenty of guys love **fix her** type girls as this thread proves.Time to move on, we all been there with these crazy bitches. If she wasn't depressed, it might be worth it for incredibly insane head, doesn't sound like it from your description of the boring bitch.
>>33766559Get her meds deals with her mood. Send her to a therapist. Ask social services. Just do whatever they do to her mother. You won't ever get out of this or fix her. Mental disorders are a bitch unless you treat them professionally. I'm sure everything would be way better if she didn't act like a cunt on top of all, but they always act like those obnoxious chihuahuas who bark and bite their owners.
>>33768837Probably because he feels guilty. There's a reason he got into a relationship with her and you can't just stop caring. And with some BPD women some are also scared that they will retaliate. But I don't know why she couldn't be dumped into a psych ward.
"As bad as she is I don't want her to be homeless. Or to off herself, like she always says she will. I don't want to live with that on my conscience."She is manipulating you. You have to cut ties. Do it in a professional and dignified way. Tell her that this is going no where, you don't see a future with her and she has 6 weeks to find a new place to live. You don't have to be a total dick, but you need to be honest. Give her some time to get her shit together and gtfo. You are wasting your life every second you stay with her.
>>33771233It is not your therapist's job to convince you of anything. Your therapist should be helping you do whatever you want to do. Besides, it doesn't seem like you need any convincing as to what you *should* do. You know what you should do, but you don't want to do it. More argumentation will not change that, will it?Here is what I did. Might not work for you, but it's worth a try.First you need to accept the situation fully: you don't want (as in, you don't have the will to) to break up. This is your life now, and no amount of mental gymnastics or complaining seems to change it. Once you have fully accepted that this is your life and it won't change, you need to stop entertaining the thoughts that "you should break up" or any complaints like "she doesn't respect me for what I do", "my life sucks but i'm gonna break up soon", "I am weak". Those thoughts only serve to avoid the real work. When you are suffering and complaining, you are not addressing life as it is, you are fantasizing about what life could be. In other word, when you complain, you refuse to acknowledge that yes, this is your life. Many people stay in horrible situations for no reason. Given your situation today, this could be what you choose to do.Whenever you start mentally spiraling, instead take a simple mental note: "Today, I am not happy, because....". Then, force yourself to stop thinking about it. Recognize both that you are in great pain because of this, but you have no power to change it.After enough days where you don't spiral into complaining and accept your life as it is, you should start feeling better, because you will be able to invest the energy lost spiraling into productive things. And then you'll be able to invest energy in solving the issu, if you feel like it. You don't need to do it, but, everyday you don't, you will know why you are unhappy.In any case, accepting life as it is is a vital skill for unproductive overthinkers like >> you
>>33771423I've been trying to accept that this is my life for months now. It doesn't work, it just makes it worse. The only way I kept myself going was by convincing myself this was temporary and that it just wasn't possible that I'm going to be trapped in this horrible situation forever.
>>33771478It makes perfect sense that you need to convince yourself this is temporary to keep going, because, the alternative would mean you'd need to act, which you don't want to do. Not to be a smartass, but you are illustrating my point there.And doing that is the exact opposite of accepting the situation, you are entertaining the idea that something will magically come up and solve the situation later, when in reality, you are not more likely to break up tomorrow or in 1 month than you are right at this moment.Just wait and see. I have been through almost the exact same thing, and what happened is that after 2 years, I could not convince myself anymore that this was just temporary. Reality has gone for long enough that I could not delude myself longer. I can say I learned a lot about myself thanks to that, but I really don't wish this pain to you.Which is why I'm telling you to come to term with reality as fast at possible. But ultimately, if you can't, you can't. No need to beat yourself over it. Sorry if this sounds condescending, really I'm not. I just want to emphasize there is no other path to change than acceptance of the present, so stop torturing yourself over the could and the should.If it makes you feel any better, only really intelligent people are able to realize that they have no real free will over themselves. You basically overthought yourself into dissociating your consciousness from the rest of your brain, and now you're slowly realizing that consciousness is simply observing what the rest of your brain chooses to do.
