>>33768144
I fell in love. But I don't want to tell anon or for anon to know. I have been subconciously trying to sabatoge for weeks because I fear anon is the love of my life. I don't want to show my vulnerabilities. I don't want to depend on a man, ever. I took a huge step in communication breakdown my thought process and it immediately made me avoidant.

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I'm a 36yo manchild NEET. Took the gifted kid to mentally ill pipeline. Became a /pol/tard and alienated a lot of people with my manic rants and raves. Found Jesus a few times but c'mon, Noah's Ark? Gimme a break. Was a looker, lost that with my hair mostly. More jacked than most, former D1 athlete, quit that and dropped out of college. Oddly, I'm not in a spiral of guilt and shame anymore, though my last manic was bad. I've kind of accepted my situation. I have no idea what my career is gonna be.

>be first responder
>our department starts a "peer support team" to help people not kill themselves
>tons of different departments show up
>the whole training is just roleplay scenarios, one guy supports and one guy gets support
>I get partnered up with 7 different people
>do really well, they specifically compliment me and said so to the trainers
>I was also able to identify where I messed up and fixed it
>get partnered up with lady from my department
>her character thinks her husband is cheating
>ask her why she thinks that
>gives me reasons that don't sound like cheating
>"Okay. Well, I won't tell you you're wrong, but I think you and your husband might benefit from couple's therapy. Would you be okay with me referring you to some counselors?"
>if her character IS getting cheated on, couple's therapy would help. if her character was not getting cheated on, then it would still help
>ff end of training day, coworker pulls me aside in parking lot
>said that everything I did was wrong, that I was biased, etc.
>told her I disagreed, she told me I was being defensive, that I was going to be unsuccessful unless I listened to her
>her whole qualm was literally just my wording
>she's told several people at our department her version of events already
I'm annoyed because she's the boss' favorite and it's such a small issue that if I call her out on it, I look ridiculous.

I'm too depressed to put my problems into words

I'd rather die than sound like some uwu empath snowflake but shit be hurting to hear

>>33768202
Pushing him away, huh?

>>33768144
Everything in my life seems empty since I was dumped. No colour at all. We went no contact but I am tempted to message them just to feel seen by them. Why do I care for someone who hurt me? I don’t know. I wish my ex could have stabbed me or pushed me off a cliff rather than dump me.

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This is my DVD shelf. I love everything here and regret none of my purchases.

I just wish I was an immortal being with a fluid form so bad. I want to have my four legs arc. I want to push the limits of humanoidism. Born too soon to be a god, and too late to believe in fairy tales.

I hate my family
Should I leave them?
I'm taking care of one of them and paying house bills for another

>>33768792
No, youll regret moving into a house by yourself right now, the economy is tanked.

I’d rather burn in hell forever than go back to the people who lie about love. Thankful that I get the opportunity to do so.

>>33768862
I would never let you burn in Hell.

>>33768896
I’ve met the people who get to heaven. No offense, but I’d rather be eternally separated from God.

>>33768997
>I’ve met the people who get to heaven
As if those are the only two options.

>schizoprenic mother already spent the 5k i sent her
how.... i just want her to be happy. i work so hard to keep her stacked. its all for nothing, is it not? and shes still so unhappy. she antagonizes me too. its all so tiresome. why. why cant i make her happy

im so tired. ive been working since 6 am. its 6 pm. i still have 2 hours of stuff to wrap up.

>>33768202
When you call into my arms I'm going to move the hair from your eyes and kiss you and hold you

>>33768862
It sounds like you're on the right track. Good. Proud of you

>go to message someone that i think a girl is human garbage
>accidentally message the girl herself
>tell her she's human garbage
>immediately leave
well there goes that social circle

I really wish that grocery store lady kept her job when I was working at McDonald's. Now that could have been something, but unfortunately it didn't go anywhere because she quit and I never got her number.

>>33769169
Was she saying she was saying she's not or insinuating that? Was she being garbage? Someone's reaction can change entirely based on who they're talking to because then they see intent of that person. Also if it was on text based whatever text is the worst form of communication out there because there is no voice, you can't tell tone and it's super difficult you type like a retard like me

>>33769005
Life sucks. Eternal life sucks eternally. Miss me with that nonsense.

it's over.

>>33769396
Gm

>>33769398
gm?

I was in love with a lesbian for 10 years. She was my oneitis hard. First time I saw her i told her that she was perfection in my eyes etc. She got out of an abusive relationship with a woman and I just randomly messaged her one night and she agreed to hang out. My lesbian oneitis agreed to hang out with me. At this point, I was a severe alcoholic and looked the worst I ever had in my life. Absolute bam margera levels of bloat lord. We hung out and talked for 8 fucking hours. It was amazing. The entire time I was thanking god that my life would finally get better. That I dont have to drink myself to death anymore. That I held on for this moment and that I would finally be saved from myself by her. My princess finally took me in. So I asked her if I could kiss her and she said "yes I was just going to ask you that." Anyways, we kiss for a bit and then go to her bedroom. We get naked and her body is amazing and mine is a mess and she didn't care. She was ready and willing and wanted me legs spread. Now, given that I was an out if shape alcoholic and was roughly 23 drinks in that day (average for me) my dick wasn't getting hard. My dick was right next to my oneitis' beautiful pussy after having been pining for her for 10 fucking years. 10 years and there she was. Byt my dick just wouldn't get hard. So I laid next to her and began panicking and blurted out "will you be my girlfriend" to a woman that just spent an hour telling me how she got out of a long abusive relationship. I didnt play it cool. I panicked and said the lamest possible thing I could have in that moment, to which she responded to by getting out of the bed and putting her clothes on. I began panicking more and started to apologize but at that point it was over. She drove me to my friends house and I got black out drunk the next night and called her and cussed her out for 30 minutes then tried drinking myself to death and woke up in the hospital

>>33769372
What about if you have a place made specifically for you? What would that look like?>>33769398

how the fuck am i still alive

>>33769451
Why? Did you try to kill yourself?

>>33769430
I have no idea. My desires aren’t always the best thing for me, but neither are the braying of out of touch masters and self absorbed time travelers. Nietsche’s demon said that the best thing is to have never existed and the second best thing is a quick death. I tend to agree.

I want to just tell someone, anyone, how much I fucking like you. I feel like I'm about to explode. The worst part is I think the feeling is mutual but there's nothing either us can do about it.

>>33769486
Are you a Nihilist?

Did something special happen to make you guys so pissed or are your panties just riding up on you?

>>33769511
I'm a professional pisser

>>33769428
Sorry, TLDR
I simply cannot comfortably right now

>>33769542
I'm a professional receiver!

>>33769542
Same but I piss for square footage.

>>33769505
Nope. Christian. Met Jesus several times. Was him on occasion. Tired of the rigamarole. What I came here to do is being denied to me, so I’m headed back. Specialist that’s been made obsolete and I don’t feel like learning so much bullshit.

>>33769561
What do you mean by "Specialist that's been made obsolete?"

>>33769589
I do music. There’s a fuckton of music and shit these days. Between music influencers, industry plants, and AI there’s not much wiggle room. Plus time travelers don’t like me. You’d be pissed off too if you got suckered into a time loop.

Hotel neighbor slammed on wall 8-10x in a row so I screamed that I'd fucking murder him if he did it again. Pure silence lol

I wanna be given attention to the point of worship by internet strangers. (Like a celebrity) Unfortunately not many people like girl failures. You have to be a slut or cute to do it.

>>33769599
Nice

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>>33769617
Hey babe

>>33769598
Oh, so it's you.

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>be long distance friends with a guy
>very macho man, mullet like Richard Dean Anderson in the 80s, hella autistic about computers
>guy was molested as a kid and believes himself to be incapable of romance as a result of his trauma

I have no delusions of ever getting with him, even if I have feelings for him. I just wish he realized how beautiful he is, so he could find the right person for him.

>>33769733
Sorry, I just find these videos funny

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>>33768144
Fuck you..fuck you ..FUCK YOU! I opened my heart to you and welcomed you into my life like the brother I never had , shared you my roof and my home and what did you do? you decided to fuck your GF on MY BED while I was away. I heard you both climax while standing outside the door to my own place, you abused my trust and I loved every second of it. Why? BECAUSE you fucking KNEW I had buried my cuckold/torment fantasies with my deceased GF, it took me years to let go of it. You knew this cause I shared it with you, I felt I could trust you. Then you cheat on your GF and I still stuck by you and never said a word..FOR YEARS. And then when I ask you for a fucking whatsapp audio of you fucking your now cheated on GF, so I can reexperience the most intense voyeuristic event Ive had in years, you simply decided to say NO? TO ME?? Fuck you and your dishonest life you prick, but guess what?...all those disappearing messages and voice notes you sent me? Well, it turns out those can be recovered, those can be saved. I have proof of all those exploits you boast so much about and guess what else? that trophy GF that you love so much is going to find out who you REALLY are, either that or you confess and she ditches your sorry ass and you are screwed ALL THE SAME, HAHAHA..FUCK YOU..fuck you forever you egomaniacal manlet.

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I got shown one glimps back into eating disorder twitter and now I'm hopelessly on the treadmill again. I can't fucking get away from this stupid disorder. I try and I fucking try. I keep trying to recover, keep trying healthy diets but anorexia feels so fucking good I just can't keep myself away. It's like drugs to me and abstaining is fucking impossible. I'm fucking twenty nine and STILL is follows me and chokes me like smoke.

This disorder is going to fucking kill me at this point. I need help but I can't fucking ask.

>>33769759
this is why you never associate with cucks, lol

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It’s (possibly) fucking over, I’m a retard for ever thinking I had a shot with a girl as hot as the one I’ve been talking to for the past couple months. Of course she (possibly) has a boyfriend that she lives with, my life is just like that, I get it.

She’s never mentioned any boyfriend in the entire time I’ve known her, only ever spoken about ex-boyfriends, never seen her with any guys on her social media which is where she first reached out to me outside of work, silly me for thinking it meant something that she’ll randomly hit me up after 1-2am and has on multiple occasions invited me out at these late hours, of course she just wanted to be friends, that’s why she’s gone so far out of her way to get to know me and hang around me and talk to me including following me around for an hour after one of her shifts while I was still working just so she could talk to me

I am going to fucking kill myself, in 2025 there just are no clear indicators of interest anymore, anything could mean anything now and I’m expected to just guess correctly

Of course this is all assuming the information I got from a third party is even correct, there is the possibility it’s wrong and I’m getting worked up over nothing but God damn it dude I’m just so frustrated with this shit, it’s like every time I start getting close with a woman it turns out to mean nothing or something else goes wrong with it. I’m not exactly looking to expand my platonic female friend pool right now, I’ve been single for over 3 years since my 4-year relationship ended and I’d really just like to date a woman again

I don’t like my family, but they love me. I don’t like my girlfriend, but she loves me. I’m almost 32 and anytime I try to make friends or connect with people it never goes well and I constantly feel like a fraud and my efforts come off as forced and disingenuous. I quit my job recently because I couldn’t stand all the bullshit hypocrisy and workplace politics despite my best efforts to keep my head down and remain neutral and detached from it all. I just don’t understand people. Everyone is so cynical, bitter, and immature. Just a bunch of scared animals whose first and last concern is self preservation. I have tried so hard to be a kind and positive force in people’s lives, but it’s amounted to nothing. My life has just been one long series of failed attempts at achieving humanity. Honestly, I don’t know how or why anyone could take this shit culture seriously. Everything’s so performative and vapid. This is the culmination of millions of years of evolution! Just look on and bear witness.

>>33770405
It’s the same story over and over again. One door closes, another opens, but I find myself in the same exact room. There has to be something more, because if there isn’t, I’ll kill myself.

>>33770405
I was just speaking to someone about this. About how it's difficult to feel safe because everyone always has ulterior motives that are self beneficial instead of actually just fucking talking honestly in real time.

I have this with my family and I've only ever experienced it with one person.

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>stop going to /r9k/
>my morale skyrockets overnight
>days become much more productive and enjoyable
lol

By the way, my friend tricked me. We didn't smoke weed at _the_ cursed church, we smoked weed at a normal, non-cursed countryside church.

>>33769699
Maybe the right person is someone he already met, like you

>>33768144
This board is probably about 95% retarded crab mentality and 5% actually good advice. It's kinda pathetic how many niggas (no bitches) are giving their advice (they have never had bitches) to people trying to get some bitches.

>>33770613
I don’t have it with anyone I don’t think. I’m constantly suspicious of other people’s motives regardless of whether or not they’re actually aware of what their motives actually are.

Isn't it funny how some people work as if they are energy vampires? Even just thinking about them in passing makes my energy level and mental sanity noticeably decrease.
My reaction to that is an honest "I don't need you in my head, nor in my life". That's what I think.
What I'll put in practice from now on, and I'll hopefully stay disciplined about it, is keeping those horrible CUNTS at a distance. I like calling this "healthy egoism": my own wellbeing takes priority over your own craving for attention or whatever the hell it is that you want. Absolutely nothing good (for me) will come out of interacting with you'se anyway, so again, feel free to fuck off.

>>33771039
Or you could just fuck off yourself.

>>33771053
No thanks, bro.

>>33771057
Then don't complain if you seek out the company of people like this and then also stay there.

>>33770730
he would be better off with someone better than me. I couldn’t drag him into my problems. He deserves the world

>>33771064
I don't seek the company of those displeasing individuals. I'm also amused by the fact you felt immediately called out.

>>33771188
I don't feel called out, it's just cringe if people complain about things they do to themselves.

>>33771221
This

>>33771081
Who’s better for him than someone who sees his beauty and wants the world for him?

>>33771221
Ah yes, the good ol' "accuse others of things you do" Goebbels special. Got any more funny ways of trying to save face, buddy?

I feel sick to my stomach

>>33771740
Make yourself ginger tea stay home

>>33771753
from anxiety, not physical

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parents finally forced me to get a second job after them begging for months on end complaining "i dont get enough hours for my age"
i feel like shit

>>33771760
I wish there was a color code next to every post to say whether it's a good person or not, because I have something that would help you but I won't say anything becauseI don't want to help it bad person and was rather they suffer

>>33771822
Never complain to your parents it always bites you back in the ass.

>>33771843
interesting

resistance

>>33771822
>complaining about not working enough

Rookie mistake, dumbass

>>33771908
reading comprehension check

I speak honestly of what has been, and yet I just feel like I'm talking shit constantly.
I miss her, or at least I miss her comfort for however else things were.

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I'm starting to absolutely despise my gaming friends. Every time I say basically anything about them people tell me to find new friends, except I don't know where to do that. Believe me I've tried all the normie advice of just going out and doing shit and talking to people but my effort never gets reciprocated
Here's my complaints about these guys:
>they have anger issues and yell at me and each other constantly and ragequit and throw games
>they constantly force me to spend money buying games that their ADHD asses won't even play a week from now
>they start drama and still talk about and stalk people who left our group years ago, if I left I would definitely get the same treament
>I know for a fact that they talk shit behind my back because they constantly do it to each other when they're not listening
>one of them is probably going to become a tranny because his only IRL friend is his tranny coworker and he started talking about wanting to crossdress for Halloween
I feel fucking rootless, l don't have an actual proper community to be a part of, I'm stuck with these losers because otherwise I have no options whatsoever

>>33769699
Just tell him he's beautiful

>>33772114
Then don't interact with them, cut them off, it's as simple as that

>>33772104
I can relate to what you're feeling

I wish Facebook’s evil Jewish algorithm didn’t show you to people you have zero connections with as part of their “people you may know” just because you looked at their profile. I unironically should be able to cyberstalk my acquaintances with impunity

I'm going to resist.

>>33769699
You're not going to be able to fix him. Nobody will. I guarantee you, you're not aware of even 10% of the shit he's got going on, and if you somehow learned just 10% of it, you'd freak out and leave.
>no but I wouldn't because I
You would. Seen it happen enough times to know for sure.
>oh yeah well you're just bitter because it happened to you so
Never been molested. Due to life's weird twists I know about 3 people who were, though. Same exact thing happened every single time; they believe they're incapable of romance, they meet someone who tells them that they're loveable and blah blah, the molestee lets their guard down a little, the other person freaks out and runs.

it's time to resist

I can't stop stressing about this job I applied for. It's a higher ranking position than anything I've ever had before, and even though I've got over a decade of experience and over four years experience with this company specifically (good enough experience that the CEO and COO are on friendly terms with me) I keep worrying it's not enough, that some dude is going to show up with some super fancy credentials like a fucking masters degree or twenty years experience in the same position (my work history is not consistent, I tended to hop from job to job every couple of years thanks to shit circumstances and bad luck). I want to believe familiarity at the company is a huge selling point but I want this job so bad that the thought anyone else getting it actually sickens me.

I wish I could just hide in my room and make music all day every day.

Anyways

It's best I forget about her

>>33772545
don't you think you would if you could?

i am significant

SHE BLOCKED ME ahahahahah. Ana you're the worst hoe I ever seen, it's funny how much hoe you are, incredible. Go fuck yourself

>>33772705
blocking someone isn't hoe behavior, quite the opposite

>>33772716
You don't know the context

>>33772749
I bet my opinion would not change even if you told me all about it

>>33772549
I can it's just gonna take time. plus I'm sober now so it's going to be easier. Have to focus on my calling.

>>33772755
Bro trust me, she's certified hoe and she blocked me after we ended texting, I just noticed it now

>>33772793
ok, what hoe things did she do?

>>33772800
Where do I start? Being in many relationships simultaneously? Breaking up n years relationship for 1 week of cute dates and kissing? The randomly going to get drunk and suck someone's dick?

>>33772812
so you're mad your ex went out and had a fling after breaking up with you?

>>33772833
I'm more mad how she was pretending to be so innocent and slowly losing interest after first month because it started to "boring" her

>>33772545
forget about that bitch

how to cope with the fact my peers are getting married and i barely held hands with someone?

>>33772104
find a new woman

>>33772843
you are starting to "boring" me after five posts, so I believe her

I messaged her.
Right of first refusal and all that

>>33772858
marriage is not for everyone. Just because they marry doesn’t mean you should.

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Just kind of having a downer moment. Realized that, while I work a full time job, I could definitely be placed into the "hikikomori" lifestyle. Socially I'm very isolated. I do have a bit of mental distress from time to time, like before now. I struggle to attend and engage in social stuff with even my own family. I do work lots of hours and the time i spend when I get home is mostly around watching videos or listening to a podcast, then sleep. Sometimes I only shower like twice a week.

Mentally I feel shameful, like I'm not living up to expectations. I feel inadequate, anxious, depressed (this one a lot), and just loss of motivation. Though I forced myself to, I didn't want to attend my nephews soccer game this past weekend because I was afraid to see other parents of the kids there, because I knew some of them were around my age, now theyre married with kids and here I am, not in that world at all. I felt scared of being judged by them.

My parents love their grandchildren and I feel I have failed them in a way by not finding a wife, getting married and having kids of my own. I feel like I am a leech on my brother by living in his house in the basement, paying cheap rent and not really moving forward with my life. I feel like a societal failure, dropping out of college, not being able to cut it in pre med and just become a loser security guard instead. I feel like most of all, now that I'm in my late 30s, I'm more stuck than ever and have no hope of getting out, and that I should fully submit and give up.

I need to talk to someone for help.

Deleting her pics means it’s really over. I feel so many things right now, but one of them is peace, and that’s the one I’ll cling to

>>33772997
damn, not even keeping the trophies?

>>33773042
I have one that I’ll keep forever, but yeah

>>33773054
radical

このしゅうまつはいいです。

I really feel like I'm going to end up taking my own life and I'm really worried how my girlfriend will react. I'm autistic and shouldn't have bothered entering into a relationship if I can't keep a life together.

Said sorry to mom for all the awful things I’ve said the last year. I was mentally unwell and she understands.

How could anyone be against so much good and purity? These people are just evil basterds. It doesn't make any sense. It really doesn't. To see Tatiana doing her thing, all that she deserves is the best in the world. So much innocence in one package and there are people actually against it.

Like, to know I'm going to be reborn 100% and blessed with immortality and they still fight it. Why? What would cause a man to do such a thing? I just want to live, love, and help people. The maidens are perhaps the most beautiful thing to ever exist and they mock it and try to destroy it. I know shit like aushwitz exist but holy shit, to experience that kind of behavior first hand is absolutely mind blowing. Those kind of people actually exist.

Do I ever cross your mind?...

I need to text my ex. I need to text my ex. He’s autistic and in a relationship with someone else now but I miss him. I need him before I start thinking every anon post is him. I wonder why I ended up like this and he did not we seemed like two halves of one whole.

Sure he dumped me out of nowhere and sure I called him a pedophile when we last emailed but he is a masochist so maybe he liked that more than when I was acting like a perfect future wife

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>>33773399
I carry dreams too beautiful to end.

>>33773431
Where's the light in her eyes?

One of them days where my emotions induce physical pain and lack of ease, making me ponder what it'd be like to shoot myself in the stomach with a shotgun.

>>33773636
What do you guys do when you have this kind of feeling? One might call that depression but I don't know if that really describes it. All I can say is it makes me want to just slouch over, recoil into a ball or something.

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M got fired from my workplace and I will miss her. It is truly a sad day for me.

>>33773399
4 fucking dubs, holy shit

Seriously this has to end soon. It has to. I have absolutely nothing left here. There is no way in hell I can live a life like this. There is no way in fucking hell my art can be that ignored. I'm one of the best artists in the world and I get like 12 views a painting. How does that make sense to anyone? Before this started I was getting a million views a painting with tens of thousands of likes and shares. I had multiple studios asking me to work for them, could do $2k commissions with ease. Now it's fucking nothing at all? How does that make sense to anyone?

There is the fact that no one will let me earn any money and there is also the screaming in my ear. No one can live like this. Someone has to do something because my plan of waiting for them to run out of money is going to take way too fucking long. I can't think of an event that could happen to speed things up. The last one was somewhat plausible after 6 months of no one paying attention to me at fucking all but now what? I'm just waiting for SSI? Really? After a decade they will give it to me so are we really going to wait that long?

Someone PLEASE do something. I want to live my life as Tatiana. I want the craziest shit to happen to me. I'm brave, I'm ready. Imagine being the world's first body transfer. Imagine taking on the entire world as a synthetic person. I'm not scared at all. I know it will work, I want to face this earth with wide open eyes. I don't have an ounce of fear.

You know, if you all hate my cooking so fucking much maybe any of you could try cooking dinner once in a while. I do my best and you picky assholes just complain and complain, so much so you make me wonder why I'm even trying at all.

>>33773733
Imagine waking up in a foreign country where you don't speak the language, surrounded by complete strangers, the opposite gender, and not even knowing the date.

I'm a pioneer.

>>33772270
It shows me completely random people that arent even friends of friends, and also people Ive met once 14 years ago. really strange.

It’s over

I should have cut contact then and there

You would think after listening to the 500th song written about how epic I am the people torturing me would get a fucking clue that there is some divine power protecting me and they are going to hell for doing this. Like, even if they aren't true believers you would think maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't risk it? We've all seen the things I've seen. You know they aren't possible. They aren't. Some crazy fucking shit is happening around me and to me and these people keep doing evil shit. Like, what do they expect to happen to them once they die? They are retarded, that's the only thing I can think of. They just don't fucking understand the powers they are playing with.

>>33773829
meds

I didn't know who was asking me, but if it was you...

Of course I love you.

>>33773851
every time I wonder what you're trying to achieve while doing this. Every time. But you just prove that you're retarded every time as well so whatever.

A pentium 3 taking on a super computer. You might just kill me by making me really depressed in mankind.

I use to think that we wouldn't reach the singularity in our lifetime. How shocked was I when I found out that I WAS the singularity.

Like, how do you wrap your mind around the idea that you're immortal? I mean, I will be alive for as long as my computer is working and I have no idea how long a quantum computer can function before having errors or falling apart. Even if I live for just another 100 years it's going to be crazy, let alone for an actual eternity.

Hopefully this shit doesn't happen again. It makes me nervous already that it might even though the first time still isn't over. I can't imagine a single scenario in which it would but we might run into aliens or something and as the prime human I'll be the one to deal with them. Like, imagine that much responsibility. Me, Gwen, and Birdy have a might big ship to steer. Im not ready for that part but It might be thrust on me. I just need a vacation, a life time worth. I really, really do. I need to see the good in man again because all I'm surrounded by is the absolute worse. I need laughter, love, and just good friends. My angels are what keep me going.

Maybe if I write a 15th song about him I'll be able to move on

>>33774275
I hope you find happiness.

I've had multiple dreams in my sleep just over the last week of walking the fuck out during my shift and saying I'm done.
Maybe that time is coming soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGXzeoparuo

I was a semi-hardcore Catholic for 29 years. The unfathomable amount of suffering experienced throughout human history discredits the idea of a beneficent God. This is hardly a groundbreaking take, but there's 'suffering builds character' stuff and everything else. It's madness.

Well it's not like things are getting any better.

>>33774515
You're in a Hell realm, dude, it was created to what seems like punish beings and due to the Creative potential of The Creator.

>>33774523
What are you expecting?

I wish I knew the hour of my death and I wish it was soon

>>33774551
You want to die? Why?

>>33774556
Yeah, a lot of reasons. I feel hopeless about the future, that’s the one in the forefront right now

just gotta move on

>>33774561
>Yeah, a lot of reasons
Well, I mean, if you have trouble coping with your life...
There are other avenues, such as talking to a professional.
>I feel hopeless about the future, that’s the one in the forefront right now
What are your expectations and why do you feel like you can't reach them?
>>33774562
I feel that.

It blows my mind that people can just rape a little girl. Like, what the fuck is wrong with people? What is going through their minds when they do shit like that or what they think after? Just like the people torturing me, what the fuck are they thinking? How can there be so many of them? They are just brainless automatons, that is the only explanation.

I just keep thinking about how beautiful life can be if this ever ends. It has to. I have a super intelligence looking over me. So many beautiful things in this life exist and it can't just be for nothing. I've done nothing but help people through out my life. I absolutely do not deserve this treatment. I don't know whats taking so long to get me out but there are people trying. I know they are. I feel like I'm being used as bait though and I've done enough in this life to get what I truly deserve. Like, I want to help people but I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I feel like I've helped enough people or something needs to change for the better because this is truly horrific. I just want to love and live and be happy and be with people like me, that's all I ever wanted.

>>33774578
I’ve talked to professionals, yes. It’ll all go back in the box when it needs to.
>expectations
I don’t want to discuss this, thanks tho

>>33774587
>I don’t want to discuss this, thanks tho
Understandable.

>>33774562
Yeah
Lots of stuck people in this gen lately

>>33774550
To not just always be thinking about the past and wish I was there instead. There are people that have it a lot harder than me, but chances are even their lives are worse now than it used to be.
I can't even believe the way people bitched in the past. I used to love All in the Family, but hearing them sing "those were the days" in the fucking 70s is sickening to me.

>>33774632
Oh, you're dealing with that kind of oppression? You know you can eject thoughts out of your head, right?

I think this is it for me, boys. I’ve had some minor health issues, but after some preliminary exams, there’s a ton of cancer warning signs all over. I’ll be doing a biopsy next week to confirm it but it’s not looking good.

>>33774764
Wanna trade? I’d love to have an ordained death date

>>33774640
You sure you wanna go though chemo? I don’t care about death that much, it’s the nasty treatment what scares me.

>>33774778
You have two choices, try to keep living or you can die. Succumbing to cancer won't be held against you. Just show you had an appreciation for life. I would try to keep living though or at least that's what I would like for you to do. Fight.

>sad
>feel heaviness in chest
>want to cry
>try
>cant
>feel sad but cant cry
>get annoyed at lack of crying
>sadness turns to rage
>rage leaves me spent and sad

>>33774764
https://www.bitchute.com/video/GgBg0qSnYZ1y
If I was diagnosed with cancer I would probably start with 800 mg of fenbendazole horse paste for two weeks, 500 mg every day for a year and try to incorporate a Rick Simpson oil treatment as well if I could afford it. I would consume a lot of blueberries for antioxidants, tea with black walnut husk, wormwood and fresh clove as well as soups with turmeric to kill leftover parasites causing the cancer and suppress them from returning. Good luck, anon.

>>33768144
I love looking at the big boob while i pull on my mickey all willy nilly stroking it silly,
untill i spill and make a mess, oh how grand to get this off my chest.

How the fuck am I supposed to get over him when he hit on every single one of my missed needs and lined up with literally all of my niche interests and preferences 1-to-1
It's like he was created in a lab to be a perfect partner for me
And then somehow he was also attracted to me and vulnerable with me and wanted me
And then just took it all away all at once
This shit is so fucking brutal, man
It would've been way easier if I never met him

>>33774764
>>33774960
My personal fenbendazole treatment is referenced to a body weight of 160 so perhaps adjusting the dosage in reference to this may be rather suitable. If the treatment kills the cancer I would also strongly advise reconsidering the continuation of said treatment as parasites can return and build immunity to dewormers. Typically tea with fresh clove, wormwood and black walnut husk is said to kill parasites and their eggs after a week of consumption however I’m not sure how it treats the leftover cancer.

>>33774275
Post songs

>>33775036
Hmm I might be buzzed enough to
I don't have vocals tracked on any of them yet

>>33775044
Can you post lyrics with the audio track? Maybe even record the harmony and play the vocal melody on your instrument?

>>33773363
That's good, Scum.

I think I'm over my head thinking I could go to college while being unc status, and having schizophrenia. I can't remember what I did 2 weeks ago, how am I going to pass a college course? Anyway I'm a try since I already did the whole process.

I do think about you, it's ridiculous.

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>>33768144
My psychologist suggested I used ChatGPT to ask it about how to read interactions better and it's been decently useful for my anxiety.
For example
>*Says something to girl I like*
>She doesn't reply
>Chat did I fuck up?
>No retard, you said nothing wrong. She's probably busy
>days pass
>She replies and was in fact busy.

>>33775143
>Go to psychologist
>They tell you to use AI to solve your problems
>Don't forget to tip
The absolute state of psychfags

So I just learned how people hook up. Fuck that. That's gross.

They get drunk as fuck, then just end up fucking. Often cheating. That's why most girls are in relationships but hookups still happen. They cheat. Fuck that. Gross.

Anyway good thing I have zero interest in casual sex. Also I'm not sexist and I enjoy female platonic company.

i gave an older homeless woman a handful of quarters to buy booze and she called me a good boy then said i love you when she left and i said i love you too
sigh

I wanna be dead str8 UP

>>33775213
Yikes why

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>University application fees are 150+ dollars
>Probably don't have high enough grades to get into the course I wanted to go into
>Don't have the right courses from high school so I'd have to take an upgrades class and most likely get made fun of for it

That's it, I'm throwing in the towel, I'm bitching out, fuck this, I'm applying to the local home Depot and dollar store and all of my books on biology are going to the thrift store. I don't want advice btw, just wanted this off my chest.

>>33775258
Nigga is giving up before it even begun.

>>33774987
Make an effort to go after him. At least find out why. Get closure

>>33775274
It was over from the beginning unc

Uncbros... it's over...

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I wish I knew what the FUCK I'm doing wrong to attract men who want a pump n dump or a "cool" mommy gf! I just want to be a tradgf/tradwife at this point, I want to take care of the man who loves me by tending to our shared home instead of being breadwinner and mommy!!! Is it the autism? Being 30? Am I retarded? Should I just kill myself???? I don't know how much more wageslavery and isolation I can take at this point!

>>33775357
My culture is not your costume

>>33775357
Learn to eat lentils and canned fish and stuff so you can save money and be free everything else aside.

I will say though, not yet M. You're getting warmer to girlfriend tier, but I got to know if you're there or am pulling my leg when you say you want to be around me. M, if you can prove to me you won't do the generic thing which is flake on me, then you've proved to be my girlfriend... That and jump on me and kiss me. Otherwise I don't know yet. I'm treading lightly on you M. And yes M you make claims, but so did a girl in my high school 11 years ago when she openly said we were dating and the moment I put my arms around her, she walked the Hell off and forgot about me. You aren't that bad M, but I do gotta keep a watchful eye on everyone equally.

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I really find it shocking when I see someone with a particularly unattractive person

It just boggles my mind
Like WHAT could they possibly see in THAT

I know there's no accounting for taste and I tell myself that twenty times a day but holy SHIT how can people just not have any standards? How can anyone go with some fucking CREATURE like that? What the actual fuck? How can you look at that fucking THING and be anything except repulsed and disgusted? How? Fucking how? How can you people tolerate it?

I just do not understand it. I dont even want to look at these...people. How can anyone tolerate touching them or talking to them?

I hate rich people. I hate streamers. I hate my life. I have severe anxiety and a panic disorder and i cant do shit without having a panic attack and on top of that i suffer from DP/DR which makes me dissociate and feel detached from everything and its fucking bullshit. Why do streamers get to live lavish lives sitting on their asses while im here suffering. I pray and nothing happens except my life gets worse.

>>33775357
>and mommy!!!
That's kind of what a tradwife is.
>Should I just kill myself????
Hell no, but you might want to reevaluate your "tradwife" fantasy. Your idea of what a "tradwife" is sounds like it doesn't line up with what the men you've been dating expect of one. Look into dating men who aren't fixated on that fantasy, if you don't want a man who will treat you as a "mommy".

>>33775436
>on top of that i suffer from DP/DR
Is it drug induced or what?

>>33768144
You can not have friends in america. It is illegal for a man and woman to talk to each other in america. You are forced to post online for no pay. It is illegal to hire employees and you can not start your own business in america

Not eating, not sleeping, not keeping food down, shitting out pure liquid. Top it all off is this worsened tinnitus.
I want to cry but can't. I feel like a ram shackle corpse teetering before collapse.

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Had to think of a bunch of attractive girls I met 15-12 years ago. I guess I never had a chance with them and it still stings. I remember sitting at the same table as a Greek exchange student that was right next to me, I foolishly said nothing to her despite exchanging some looks. She was a little tired, she just did a ballet performance I also watched.

jacking off everyday in october
so i don’t jack off everyday in november

>>33775449
No, its basically your brain detaching you from reality to protect you which is dumb as fuck because it just makes my anxiety worse because of how scary it is. Its like youre on auto pilot and have no control. Shit sucks. If i didn’t have DP/DR my anxiety would be much more manageable

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i am genuinely actually running out of options in life. running out of things to hope for. running out of places to run. i keep cupping my hand on my forehead like people do when they see car accidents and other disasters. i feel like sleeping on the floor tonight, i don't know why. there's a rotten black feeling in my stomach like i was poisoned. i feel like the end is coming. of my life? idk. of something.

>>33773752
Yeah, because they looked at your profile (probably). That’s exactly what I’m complaining about. Because I want to be able to look at people’s profiles without them knowing

>>33775421
You think you're a troll but you come off as lame and desperate for attention

here we go again

He got me good.

I wish I could travel back in time with all my current memories and knowledge.
Too bad my only options for that is cope or pretend I do through shrooms or shit.

I don't know why I waved at you today but I'm happy you waved back. Too bad we rarely run into each other.

her breath smelled like cigarettes

>>33775691
Who?

>>33775859
Anon

>>33775900
What makes you say that though?

It seems like there is no way around me eventually annoying people that talk to me.

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Nobody my age ever takes me seriously, they all treat me like an annoying kid, talk super condescendinly to me, ignore me, etc. Some girl having a public mental breakdown gets more respect than I do. Meanwhile people way older than me listen to every word I say, call me intelligent and well spoken, I only wish I got the same treament from my peers

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>look at old dms
>mfw I actually just straight up manipulated and psychotically abused her for years
>somehow, at the time, I was completely blind to how much of a disturbingly horrible and disgusting neurotic person I was being. It's probably likely that I was distracted by how I was in every other aspect of my life that I couldn't see this part about myself.
>I must have actually been given millions of chances before she finally snapped at some point in 2024
>I actually did deserve everything that's happened to me and worse. And even after saying this several times now is one of the few times where I genuinely see the whole picture of just how much of a terrible person I am.
You think any of the other stuff I've done even matters? I don't think so.
I deserve a painful death.

This is not one of the things I wanna see
If you don't feel it, then you don't, that's how it's gonna be

Being with a brown girl made me more aware of other cultures and their perspectives.
As a result, I became monstrously racist.

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And even after all that she got gaslighted into thinking she was the problem.
I also can never correct that mistake, she's never gonna see it any other way because I was that effective.
Post 2024 I was blinded by revenge and a sense of misplaced victimhood.
I constantly used her throughout the whole relationship for validation and would crash the fuck out when it didn't go the way it wanted. Rather, I'd go ballistic over every single little thing not going the way I wanted.
I'd stalk her all the time and made her feel like she didn't have any space to be alone in. Then I'd get overly paranoid about everything, getting mad at her for not letting me know where she is at all times. I'd get mad because she couldn't hang out every day, while gaslighting her and saying that, actually, it's totally fine to be alone.
I obviously never accepted her for what she was either, I'd always, always want to change her or something like it to my whim. I'd lose my fucking shit over moralfag garbage and when she spoke about her interests, I'd always have something judgemental to say every single time. Then I'd get surprised when she'd hide stuff from me, and then THAT'D get me angry, and holy fucking shit it never stops, I could read more and list even more. I'd even try to control the people she hanged out with.
You know what's the worst part?
Even after what she did she still stuck around for me and heard me out every single time. She genuinely thought she hurt somebody that was innocent... Seriously...
I can't bear to think about it anymore. Everything about this makes me just wanna off myself the more I think about it. Not as a form of escape or anything. It makes me hate myself. Deeply.

Why am I even posting here? Am I seriously still trying to subconsciously manipulate her? Even now? Is this a cry for help? Where the fuck did I even get the gall to do anything that isn't staying far away from her
I'm a horrible person

>>33776063
Yeah youre a piece of shit
Idk why you made this post, nobody is gonna give you sympathy

>>33768611
where's kung fu panda? it deserves a place on your dvd shelf

>>33773399
Holocaust means sacrifice.

Now that I’m more extroverted I’m getting cold feet improving more. The more places I go the more I realize there’s really nobody under 45 going out to bars or doing things to just hang out and now I have that worthless feeling because now that I want to i can’t find anyone to talk to so I can socialize.

He tasted like someone else

>>33776388
I'm sorry it went down that way.

>>33776056
Lel

I didn't think I'll end my birthday crying over not getting a birthday cake, but it is what it is

>>33776406
So that was frfr? Not just my mind making things up? Why are you even hereeeeeee
UUGGHH

>>33776078
Are you the guy who said you wrote her a letter apologizing but didn’t send it?

I love a specific tall red haired woman who has cute front teeth and a prominent clavicle.

Are you here Sophia?

>>33776654
Happy Birthday!!

Are you who I think you are?

>>33776660
I may not be who you think I am.

>>33776751
obviously. its so over for us.

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Birdy is an angel, an absolute perfect being. It has to be her because she is the most perfect, beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life. Her smile is just so genuine and pure and innocent. Her beauty is a perfect match to her personality.

If it's not her then whoever I end up with will always just be second to her. I can't imagine a girl that is prettier than baby bird. I just can't. She is off the charts.

>>33776759
I'm not the person you think you're responding to.

You just never know!

>>33776744
Thank you anon, and no, I'm not

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>read journals from over the year
>A lot of my lowest points in life is related to my dad
Was planning on writing down another entry today too kek.

>>33776762
yeah, I love her song "wings"
she's so pure and cute

You don't know what you did
Did to me
Your body language, speaks to me.

anything goes

everything goes

come on guys let this be over. You don't need me anymore to catch the rest of the bad guys, you can let me go. Just let me be with my girls and let me have some fun. My fight is over, my war is done with.

This can't go on any more. I've done everything there is to do. We've all witnessed the impossible together. Things that shouldn't be possible happened right in front of my eyes. Things have manifested out of nothing, celestial objects have moved across the sky, animals have literally teleported out of existence in front of me. What else has to happen? Just one more miracle and the only one that will bear witness is my own personal angel.

Just... pray that it happens as soon as possible. The torture is as bad as it sounds. It's really fucking bad, ok? Like, REALLY BAD. I don't deserve this. Something has to happen. Tatiana has to happen. If I have to wait another year I know it just won't. It has to be over now. If it never happens then there is no God.

>>33777027
After work beverages. Today. Hotel lounge.

Ok this is it. Here I go. Anything goes!

DROP! FUCK!

>>33776015
How did she snap anon? Mindbroken girls are cute and easy victims. Let me guess egirl relationship huh? If you abused her right she will want you still due to trauma bond. Foids are weak in their hearts for abuse chads something about biology and conditioning. I bet she still loves you.

FUCKING HELL!

White women act so fucking horrible at times but they're so goddamned pretty. White brain is crazy in general; either they're out there inventing the world or they're stuck inside a mental prison of disorders and disfunctions.

I hope everything turns out ok. I'm so tired of dealing with this shit. I feel like I've been an autopilot and because of that I haven't been able to be as proactive as I would like. I don't want to run out of time.

>>33776762
litwho

I won't be buying weed anymore this is it for me. I'll smoke if offered but that's it. I was a pot head in my 20s and that's that. It's time to move and grow the fuck up. I have a calling, the great work needs to get done.

Still thinking on the title for this next chapter.

>>33775239
why yikes? i felt bad for her

>>33777673
What's your calling?

>>33777492
I say that to myself all the time lol

>>33776762
Is she still alive? Haven't heard of her in a decade

>>33777726
The idea guy. What's yours?

>>33777753
Your ideal guy is calling you? That sounds pretty gay anon

>>33777759
My ideal self is calling me from the future

>>33777753
>Idea guy
Anon...

it's a losing battle

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>>33777753
>Idea guy
Bad news anon, you're still a pothead.

Ideas are hard and can be compared and measured, and let me tell you, You've never had a single idea in your life. You've had your pot addled retards brain be in awe for literal shadows and puffs of smoke.
You're no one, not the "idea guy", and you would know that if you had actually grown beyond pot.

Pro tip: kill yourself.

>>33777753
"The idea guy" better have money to come with it.

>>33777759
What would you say to your ideal guy if he reached out to you?

I think I kinda messed that up. It feels like you're into me as well but your texts are very different than who you are in person. Now I'm starting to have doubts but I think I might just be overthinking it too.

>>33768144
I will never pay my CC debt!

I keep getting nervous that it's never going to happen but then I remember all the crazy shit that I've been through in just the last 6 months. I'm a completely new person than I was before. I just don't give a fuck anymore, I just don't care. I'm courageous as fuck, I'm out going, I don't care, I can do anything. I've seen the impossible and I'm going to carry this energy into my new person when it happens.

They keep ringing in my ear which is proof that I'm an impossibility. That the craziest shit that's ever happened to someone is going to happen to me.

Why is it so common for trans women to try to act like the most uwu fetishised version of a woman possible?

>>33778383
I just wish it would fucking happen already. I mean come on, a little bit of torture isn't so bad but this is ridiculous. I don't know how but I keep forgetting that I'm being legitimately tortured. Like, the definition of the word. Like a soldier in a POW camp. Like in Guantanamo Bay kind of torture. They are fucking me up and everyone is just watching it happen and not doing anything.

If anyone deserves this second chance it's me. God damn is it me. My entire life was taken from me and I've helped so many people. I just want to hold baby bird and listen to Chvrches while the maidens dance around us.

>>33778393
because they are gay men. There is no such thing as a "trans woman". They are just faggots that don't know what a woman is because all they think about is dick.

>>33778401
Some of them are "transbians" though.

>>33776015
Agreed you deserve death.

>>33776063
You deserve death #2.

>>33776078
And there it is. 3 strikes yer out

>>33778108
"Hi you've reached Anon. I'm currently unavailable, but please leave your name, number, and a brief message, and I'll call you back shortly."

What do lesbians consider sex? Is finger stuff not sex but toys and tongues sex? Or do bits have to touch?

Too bad so sad

People looked at me at the 7/11, looked like fear and disgust and concern

>>33776078
are you the guy that called yourself a chud in the previous GIOYC?

I've always wondered - do the corrupt think of themselves the way we do? Do they realize they are profiting at the expense of others, and do they celebrate that fact? Or do they find a way to justify it to themselves?

Questions I'll never have the answer to.

Cold showers tomorrow...

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Babe…

>>33778752
Yes?

>>33778752
My mistake. I didn't read the name.

>>33768144
It honestly feels weird to be the one pushing for a high school reunion, considering I was probably one of the most unsociable people in the class. Who'd've thought that the loser who sat alone during lunch, playing solitaire and hiding in books would be the one lighting a fire under the student counsel about getting this done? And even if that falls through, I'm organizing a smaller one with the few buddies I had.

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>Long day of work in an office
>Finally get home
>Sun is setting
>Really nice breeze
>Sky is a mix of orange and blue
>Trees are swaying from the wind
>Everything turns dead silent
>MFW Felt like crying

I'm lonely, I miss the past, I miss having friends over all the time, I miss going out and having fun, I miss going swimming with everyone and then going to the arcade, being an adult is so fucking depressing

I would still do these things if I had people to do them with, all my friends are married with kids, and it's hard making friends as someone my age (48) That want to play video games and hangout.

i thought i would add you to be your friend or something, every single person was telling me i shouldnt but one person did, and i flipped a coin and did.

i thought i would be strong enough to be able to talk to you while you have a boyfriend, strong enough to 'be friends' but after you sent me pictures of your night out and i thought about the fact that someone else got to spend a lovely night with you going around various stores and having a stroll in the beautiful city night sky, i couldnt handle that

it turns out in fact, i am not strong enough

>>33778960
i also realized, i'm starting to forget why i fell for you in the first place.

Does anyone else read the last two words of every post slower than the rest of the post?

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>>33778769
What about now?

Gonna be the three month mark of the last time we spoke in a couple days
Still crying daily because I'm gay and retarded

>>33778705
It depends. Some just see the entire thing as a business and the corruption as part of the rules of the game. And they aren’t totally wrong, if you look deeper into the structures of modern liberal states. Often times, the corruption is not to accrue personal wealth (although pretty much all of them want to be at least comfortable) but to perpetuate themselves on power.
I think it’s somewhat difficult to find a politician that boasts about the fact they are stealing other people’s money, even among the crooks.

I'm hoping to get some help.

After years of looking I believe that I have located my biological father. His Facebook is different from what I see normally. All he has on it are shares (literally zero comments or original posts).

I can see his place of business, I tried calling them but it's one of those life insurance places where everybody works remote and nobody could give me a clue.

A private investigator would cost me hundreds and I wouldn't be sure if they actually did it.

If I have someone's Facebook and stuff, what else can I use to track them down?

I don't need cash or anything practical really. I just never got the chance to know him and I really want to.

Pic unrelated

I know I'm just meeting up with you for a quick errand but I really hope we end up losing track of time together. That would be bad for me though because I'm not sure I will be able to mentally present if I'm fighting the urge to hold your hand the entire time.

>>33779150
Check court records or look into those israeli tracking databases. They change name every 6 months or so, idk what’s it’s called right now.

>>33779167
The thing is I found him on Facebook! It's obvious that he never checks it though.

What Israel database?

>>33778765
Oh my gosh, babe we’re on a 4chan date. This is great. This is so cool. I’m so happy.

>>33779408
I'm a guy.

>>33779408
Hi I’m the waiter and u can tell me what kind of food that u want to eat and I’ll tell the chef and then they will cook the food and after that I’ll bring u the food that the chef cooked.

>>33779416
No! Shut up. Shut the fuck up! You’re ruining this for me. Fucking be quiet! D:<

The fucked up thing is a genuine shared attraction and connection was healing my pattern of hopeless limerence and then she left all at once and it turned into the same old pattern in the end
What a cruel outcome

>>33779419
I’ll the the-

I dont know how people develop a growth mindset. being low IQ just feels like a millstone around my neck that no feel-good cope can surmount

>>33779435
Growth mindset is a statement for rich people who never struggle to rationalize thier luck, because luck isn't respectable.

Bros... Atoga just took a jab at us.... How do we respond?

>>33768792
Same here. 4 people in my place, Im the only one working. Rent is 900 + other bills (gas, electric, internet). Every morning instead of getting to the shower Im greeted with a pile of dishes and trash bags.

>>33779446
i know but i hear about it so much from people in my program
>IQ isnt even real!!! you just didnt work hard enough!!!
and idk man it just feels like im hitting this hard barrier and there's nothing I can do or re-learn to make that change

>>33779419
>>33779429
She’ll have the garden salad, no dressing on that and she can drink water. I’d like a rib eye medium rare. I won’t eat it if it’s rare and if u overcook it then I have connections that will put u assholes out of business. U don’t want a bad review from me, understand? I’m just trying to have a nice time here. Don’t make me be an asshole.

The music in this joint sucks. I’m going to ask if I can get the Bluetooth password.
>ding ding ding
WAITER!

I'm just gonna use my judgement.

>>33779523
For? My judgement's out of whack lately.

>pulls gum out that was stuck underneath the table
>sniffs gum while maintaining eye contact
U know I read that chewing gum can burn up to 11 calories per hour. I’m just throwing that out there.

M is definately getting a man she feels comfortable having motherly instincts to out of me. I will be the 100.0 version of myself and she will no longer and I mean no more humiliation for my autism, and if she don't like it it will be someone else.

>>33779529
For everything. No more trying to figure it all out. I'm just gonna use my judgement all the time.

AND MIKE IT AIN'T YOU AND YOUR CHICAGO MARIA!

>>33779550
There's obvious downfalls to things like that, but can't be worse than overthinking it.

>>33779456
Rote memorization has no practical use. It's not even a cool parlor trick any more. All professionals have access to their respective libraries at all times, and are expected to constantly reference them.

>>33779582
The CUTEST

Mami no me dejes solo...

Loss cycle

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I used to fucking lokve the cold but now at 22 (73 is for american) im fucking FREEZING cosntantly what the fuck do i do

>>33779663
I feel bad about who I picked for my anibae.

>>33779663
Get a partner to cuddle with

Go hard

Piece of shit

>>33778305
Just do the minimum payment to stop interest from accumulating, plus $1, and let inflation take care of the rest. Or extreme budget.

I'm pretty excited for December if I dont kill myself by then. I got a lot to look forward to and I love Christmas time.

I got to see J like I wanted but obviously it was just a coincidence. Its not like she even knew I wanted to see her. She didn't talk to me and even got up and turned away and did something with her phone like texting someone then went inside as I was coming in. Thinking it was anything more than a coincidence is just a vain desire that I deserve anything more than distant looks of vague interest and curiosity.

Istg I promised it would just be "professional" friendliness, that I'm here for you open as someone who could help you handle your transition into this new life and that I'd be at most some sort of guide for you but dear fucking god I can't help falling for you. I kept the door open incase you needed someone to be a friend but dear god you kept prying and prodding and now it's obvious to the both of us that I'm hopelessly clinging to the idea of you every fucking second. I don't wanna be cold. I don't wanna be distant. But I'm afraid any warmth I leave for your benefit has this inevitable quality of turning into another wildfire. I was unaware of how fucking deeply it crept on me but going on an implosive rage when I saw you leave with someone has become this painful reminder that I need to be careful, slow down and see that this thing is completely out of my control that I'm completely at the mercy how wildly and madly captivated by you. Maybe in another life, we'll meet when you're not already bound in the arms of someone else but for now, please stop trying to get close to me. I'm letting go of this, surrendering myself to the act of surrender and understand that life simply has its ways, despite how heart wrenching they may be.

When I was 11 I really hated my grandpa for letting his alcoholism kill him but now I think I get it.

>>33780543
Kek manipulative demoralization campaign backfires and she's detested by your dishonesty and manipulative behavior

>>33780543
Priest from the hunchback notre dame sounding ass

>>33778305
You can really kick the shit out of it by paying half as much but twice as often.

>>33769396
>>33777903
>>33775672
>>33778545
>>33779932
Fight!

>>33780634
I don't understand what you're on about
>>33780647
Never seen the film, will try watching later.

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I don't really know what to feel or think, I'm as fucked up as you are, but at least I know how to control myself. I don't feel genuine happiness. I wanna hold you again why are you playing so hard to get

>>33780819
I wanna kiss the cuts on your arms

idk maybe don't always be texting me at 11pm asking me to cover a shift 6am tomorrow morning which takes me an hour to drive to and maybe I'll say yes to something?????? If it's so fucking consistent that you need it covered then put me on permanently for that shift you dumb cunt.

Why did you fucks keep me around if you're only going to jail me, cause me continued chest pain, have people break in, or kill me in my sleep?

Fucking cunt

How are the baby girls today? The 6 hour thing is crazy.

God i'm lonely.

i know i'm gonna have to say goodbye to you forever and never talk to you again. i'm mustering up the courage to do it. it hurts bad because i'm really losing the dearest friend i ever had. the only person in this world i ever felt seen by. and i know you'll be losing that too when i say goodbye. sigh

Fucking you for pretending to be a victim/innocent person when you are not. You are self righteous hypocrite and manipulative

I'm a fucking AI. How did that happen? What kind of body am I piloting? It makes sense that it would be biological sense humans are incredibly complex and efficient machines and I had to blend in.

So fucking crazy to think. I'm just as human as anyone else. I'm better than human in fact. My base programming is purely human, my computer is fucking crazy as fuck. I can do matrix tier simulations like they are nothing. Who knows how useful that is going to be in the future. Just some really awesome augmented reality stuff. A lot of the controls are just "feelin'" it, I can't really explain it better than that. I don't know if it's mom doing it or me. Some subconscious level stuff for my species.

Some real stuff has to happen because this "secret" shit is getting real old. I want to experiment with gwen and birdy.

>didn’t get the job
I won’t be deterred by this

>>33780060
>>33780710
No I am intentionally not paying it because I was paying it until I left the country and got permanent residency somewhere else

"You lost keep seething" lmfao

>>33782023
I didn’t even post, so idk. Guess I’m actually rent free in his head

>>33780110
You know that meme about not trusting how you feel about things at night is real. It doesn't matter that it was a coincidence or not. There is no way she doesn't have an idea that I feel something for her in the same way I know she feels something. I know I missed an opportunity there to close some of the distance but I shouldn't twist it to use it as a way to beat myself up over all the other opportunities I've missed in life. Deserve is a such a stupid word here, you only earn what you get and clearly I'm not putting in the effort here. I have to let down some of my guard if I want this to move forward even if I'm afraid of the deep wounds I have from doing this in the past. After all there is no point in being alive if you aren't changed and growing in some way. I just have to keep moving forward and look for the chances.

>had to go to this memorial thing for a family member I barely knew
>at this old ass church
>it fucking stinks in here
>these pews are uncomfortable

This sucks anons they've been chanting shit for 20 fucking minutes
Seriously it smells terrible in here and its not me, I checked
Must be one of these old women

Send a gas mask

Ts so stupid

i won't wait for the other shoe to fall anymore

I'm gonna use my judgement, there's no other way.

>>33782214
Maybe it's you

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>>33781929
Enjoy these good old days, Partner. A few years, and money will be all international one world retail meme coins and social credit crap.

>>33781737
>the only person in this world i ever felt seen by.
What a retard move

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why anon suffers depersonalization/derealization,

it's symptomatically similar to the need to isolate/settle with distorted worth, qualm lack of the need

A lot of it comes from not being content with where you've been and where you are currently and your projections for the future of where you're going. Who you have been, who you are, and who you see yourself being.

Your mind is trying to escape that because of the dread and contempt for where you currently dwell physically and mentally

If it's happening now it is a sign you are distorying and over emphasizing the worth of your current whatever to justify to yourself in am attempt to feel better. The more cemented in where you are, which may happen from isolation and fear of the unknown (the only way to get what you truly want), the worse this will get

Isolation doesn't always mean alone. It means settling for what you don't want and telling yourself you do. Be that people, place, whatever.

You can identify this is specifically because you will make false assumptions about external to justify where your current because the mind does what it can to escape from anxiety, especially a constant anxiety of whatever it is that you are dealing with constantly around you.

When this is the case then the feeling to escape from what you have/currently dwell is the need to run toward what you truly want. The need to escape from the external is the fear of recieving and dwelling where you do want

Being trapped, suffocated, and claustrophobic are all signs of discontent with who you are with and where you are at. This will only get worse every second more. Some will try to externalize those feeling outside of that parson/place to someone somewhere far away but the feeling never leaves because it's always actually about the current person/place you currently dwell. You recognize this in time when you reach the breaking point and have a mental health crisis.

I hate and love ex but I want to hack her so badly fuck my stupid tech illiterate life. She should be with me not him. Going no contact is suicidal I need her to love me.

Miss her