In a very open conversation, I just told my ex (who is or was still my friend) that I regrettably sometimes got off to porn while we were in a relationship in the past. She immediately got up and stormed out of the coffee shop and has effectively ghosted me. We had never talked about it while in the relationship and I know for a fact that she looked at lewd fantasy stuff on her own time. Am I retarded for having been honest about this? Is this friendship just completely destroyed?
Most women genuinely hate porn. She's probably pissed. Weird thing to say in a coffee shop, what brought that on?She may cool off, who knows. Why are you guys still friends?
>>33768706She asked me why guys looked elsewhere while in relationships. I said because it was an easy way to get off without complication. She asked if I ever did and I said I had before. In hindsight, I don’t even know if I did while dating her, which makes me feel even worse. We’re still friends because we had been friends a long time before dating.
>>33768728Have either of you ever thought of getting back together? Did you usually go on 1 on 1 coffee shop dates before you were officially dating?
>>33768758Yes to both. We had been talking about it some, we did this a lot before dating.
>>33768771With that info I think my basic take would be that she was reconsidering and asked that question because of it and your answer may have been a deal breaker. I don't know of a single time me or any of my friends have had an easy conversation when admitting to watching porn but it's one that is pretty important if you are watching porn. Just wait and see if she cools off I guess. Do you still watch porn?
As a girl, yeah she definitely overreacted. It's perfectly normal for adults to watch porn or hentai and just straight up walking out of relationship because you watch porn is extremely immature and uncalled for. Did she just expect a whole grown adult to NOT engage something MADE FOR ADULTS that is REGULARLY USED BY ADULTS? You probably just dodged a red flag if THAT is how she acts with porn.
>>33768791We’re really close and had been talking about pretty intimate things. I keep wracking my brain and I had stopped while with her but probably slipped up at some point. She’d never believe me saying that now though. I feel pretty sick actually. I don’t often, but still sometimes, yeah.
>As a girl
>>33768810Maybe, but I’m really afraid that I hurt her by saying this.
>>33768811>I feel pretty sick actually. If you get to talk to her again just be honest about that, even if she may not buy it.>>33768874You definitely did hurt her, again most women hate porn and for a good reason, but hopefully it's something she can understand with time. When you say she's ghosted you, she just hasn't responded to texts? Do you have a shared friend group?
>>33768890>When you say she's ghosted you, she just hasn't responded to texts?Yeah, nor calls. It just happened 2 hours ago. And I feel like I won’t ever been able to make things right now. She’s one of the people I care about most in my life. We don’t have much of a shared friend group.
the most common complaints from women about their bfs that i hear are: not doing chores, not being affectionate, and watching porn. they might secretly resent you for it, they might openly hate you for it, and very very few understand the male need for getting off.at least you were honest OP and hopefully she cools down and you can explain yourself better. for the future though, eschew porn when you get into another relationship and also learn to fap with your imagination because that's the only place no one can forcefully invade.
>>33768934This is going to be hard, but give it like a week then try reaching out again. Don't be flippant, but don't be apologetic, just be genuine. The thing is, you have to be willing to accept a negative outcome. Uncertainty is a bitch, but the sooner you can learn to embrace uncertainty, the better off you'll be.
Anything back from her OP?
>>33768728>She asked me why guys looked elsewhere while in relationships. I said because it was an easy way to get off without complication. She asked if I ever did and I said I had before.If that's actually what you said, you didn't tell her that you used porn, you told her that you cheated on her.
>>33773142Honestly a good point, I assumed the topic was specifically about porn, but if porn was never specified than the implications are way worse.
>>33772507>>33769727Yeah, finally had a phone call with her. She said she overreacted and I clarified that it had happened only a couple of times, told her how I felt, and apologized. She said she forgave me and said that we were okay.>>33773142>>33773484It was specifically about porn, I never cheated on her. >>33769727This is good advice. Thank you.
>>33769727Also, thank you for note about uncertainty. I keep running into that in my life and it is a bitch.
>>33774045>It was specifically about porn, I never cheated on her.I'm not saying you did, I'm asking if you're 100% sure she understood what you were saying. The way you phrased it, she could easily have *thought* that you were saying you cheated on her, which would explain why she was so upset.
>>33774045All's well that ends well, good to hear OP, and good luck with your relationship however it goes from here
