It's really bothering me and at 32 it's really hitting me that my best years are behind me and that I have committed to one woman. I'm not really sure what to do. I don't want to leave her but I also don't think this feeling will go away. I'm partly ashamed I feel this way but every other normal person has had sex with more than 1 person, she certainly has. That doesn't bother me, my lack of my own past does. I'm really not sure what to do.

2/2

>>33773832
>I'm really not sure what to do.
Well, it's a simple choice: do you want to blow up a six year relationship for the sake of having some casual sex?

>>33773816
You're never going to get those years back, even if you leave now. Also, casual sex sucks, even more than boring married sex. Stick with your fiance

>>33774258
>Also, casual sex sucks, even more than boring married sex.
I wouldn't really know that though now would I? I know I can't get those years back, it's the years ahead I worry about. I feel like it's now or never and I already deeply regret the past, what if I look back again in 10 years with regret?

>>33773816
You've achieved so much more by having a long term marriage than a bunch of casual sex.

>>33774680
Then why do I feel like a fucking loser? I don't wish I had fucked 20 women, there's honestly just 2 or 3 I wish I had been with. More than just her. I know the right way to look at this is that I got it right the first time but I can't help feeling like I'm the loser who married the first woman who slept with him.

>>33774295
As someone who has left their gf for casual sex and to fuck hotter girls
It’s extremely boring and empty once the rush wears off
You’ll miss your fiancé especially if she’s a good woman
You’ll realize how retarded other women are
Other women will be much younger so you don’t have much to connect with
Or if the girl is a good one; you’ve already done all the stuff with your previous fiance so it’s just repetitive

Then there is the matter of finding someone once it’s over
You’re older, more jaded, and dating is frustrating

It sounds like you’ve made up your mind
But if I can give you some advice
Don’t do it, stay with your fiancé and mix things up
Be more spontaneous or adventurous with her instead of trying to find something that won’t fill the hole because of some strange

Is fucking hot girls nice
Yes
Other people will not understand here
But overall, having security, someone you love, and future is better

I am not saying don’t stay with a girl if you don’t love her
I’m saying you love this girl, so realize what you’re going to be giving away

Also you will regret cheating if you go that route
1000%

Just trust me on this one anon
Make your current situation better
Get yourself out of your rut
Put some babies in your fiancé

Also how attractive is your fiancé?
Sounds like you’ve made just want someone hotter or to fuck different races due to coom bait

>>33774797
Sorry a few typos because I just woke up

>>33774797
>Other women will be much younger so you don’t have much to connect with
She was 29 when we met and I'm 32 now so how much younger than me can single women be?
>You’re older, more jaded, and dating is frustrating
Honestly wouldn't know, I've gone on like 3 dates in my entire life and I feel like I'm actually less jaded now than when I was a terminally online 20 year old retard.
>It sounds like you’ve made up your mind
I'm sure like at every other critical junction in my life I'll choose inaction and the path of least resistance
>Also you will regret cheating if you go that route
I've fantasized about that a lot lately but the logistics of it feel impossible.
>Also how attractive is your fiancé?
She's overweight. We both are but I've lost 25 pounds this year and I dont think she has lost any. I still have probably 20 more pounds to go until I'm where I should be. It's not like she's obese, but she's chubby. We were both really skinny when we met. I wish she put more effort into her appearance.
>Sounds like you’ve made just want someone hotter or to fuck different races due to coom bait
I'm really only into my own race. Honestly I'm not even that hung up on looks, sure I don't want an uggo, I just want someone whose a good lay. My fiance and I have boring sex although she does swallow which is fucking mint and she takes direction well. We just don't have sex nearly as often as I want and it's not like I'm a shitty lay, she cums at least once every time.

I've only been with my wife, and married 24 years. Last 3 years have been the best sex ever, as we've learned some good tantric / vanilla stuff she likes.

It's 100% normal to be nervous / anxious about getting married and tying the knot. Marriage is an act of faith.

>>33773816
Based on your history, I don't think you even care about having more experiences, as you don't seem to take initiative often and your experiences seem negative.
What you really want to do is dump your fiance, but you are too much of a pussy.
She thinks the sex is going to get better once she has a geriatric pregnancy?
The eggs are running out boyo and you are going to be the one footing the bill.

>35
>Only now wants children

>>33773816
>My only complaint is that the sex isn't as frequent as I'd like and kinda boring now. I've raised this issue before and I don't think it will change.

>>33774877
>She's overweight. We both are but I've lost 25 pounds this year and I dont think she has lost any.
>We were both really skinny when we met.

So no sex and shes already getting fat and apparently doesn't give a flying fuck abotu keeping herself attractive as shes completely certain of you. All of this will increase tenfold if you put kids in her.

I would consider whether its really the experience you are missing out on,or more the fact that you are coming to realize this relationship has kind of run its course. It happens.

>>33776285
She wanted children for most of the relationship, it's me who has been dragging my feet because I'm younger and this is my first relationship. I want kids as well but I haven't exactly been rushing into it.

>>33776327
Well it isn't quite no sex, it's 2 or 3 times a month with a handjob or two thrown in but nowhere near what I want.

>>33776370
>it's 2 or 3 times a month with a handjob or two thrown in

Dear lord.Thats already on life support, a basically barely existient sex life.Once ethe first child pops out you will literally just be roommates.

Also, Incels are right about exactly one thing, although not in the way they believe: It turn women on if they know you at least *could* have other chicks.
That doesn't mean you need to cheat or bang ten million chicks, but it *is* highly advisable to develop your social life and flirting skills to a point where finding a new gf and some casual lays for inbetween isn't a real issue. Being assured tha she has a man 100% in the bag to the poitn where she can start to freely get fat just dries upa womans sex drive like nothing else.
And lastly, if a woman ever shows signs of fattening, its your duty to intervene and let her know that its time to start toconsider salads or look for a new bf in the near future.

>>33776422
>Once the first child pops out you will literally just be roommates.
I've had this fear for a long time and it's one of the reasons I've been putting off children. I've brought it up with her as well and there's of course excuses. For someone who wants kids she isn't particularly keen on the act required to make them.

I just feel like an asshole for being so hung up on sex and I just can't understand why shes so avoidant. Everything else is good, she cooks, cleans, does the laundry, looks after me in a lot of ways. I've volunteered to do more since I know her being my mother is a turnoff but she tends to butt in and take over when I start something.

She sure liked fucking me when we first started seeing eachother.

>>33776422
>it's 2 or 3 times a month with a handjob or two thrown in
>Dear lord.Thats already on life support,

h-how often should a couple be having it? genuinely if I may ask, not OP or anything but I don't know whats considered normal

>>33773832
You're right, this feeling is probably not gonna go away just like that. The real question you need to ask yourself is, are you ok with enduring this feeling to keep your long term relationship?
Stop shaming yourself, because the more you do, the harder it will become. Accept that you feel like this, and see if you can endure this feeling today. If yes, then you have no problem. The point is, there is really no need torturing yourself over how you might feel in 10 years from now, these kind of things must be felt day to day.

>>33776570
Does "normal" matters? Most people suck at communicating around sex so I assume most couples just don't have good sex lives.

Personally I feel like when there is nothing special in the way it has to be at least once a week between 2 persons with normal libido. I don't really understand how you can be in bed with someone every night and not want to fuck if you are healthy.

>>33776556
>I just feel like an asshole for being so hung up on sex
Yeah, thats just societal garbage right there. Sex is essential to any man-woman relationship, physical affection is important. No realtionship works long term without it, unless you both genuinely have a low drive. These beliefs come from a time when divorce was flat out illegal and people had to cope being stuck for life with each other regardless of compatibility.

>Everything else is good, she cooks, cleans, does the laundry, looks after me in a lot of ways.
Are you looking for a woman or your mom 2.0?

>She sure liked fucking me when we first started seeing eachother.
Theres a not uncommon type of woman who doesn't really like sex and has been taught to only have it to "lock down" a man. With experience, you learn to recognize and avoid that type of woman.
You WILL regret sticking around. Find a girl who loves jumping your bones, and you find one like that by trying out different ones. If you choose the path of least resistance once again, you will only have yourself to blame.


>>33776570
>h-how often should a couple be having it?
As often as you're happy with , of course. If you only like to have sex once a month then thats what it is.

>>33776668
Fucking hell I'm scared to end things but I haven't felt excited by our relationship in a long time. I have lived my entire life afraid of risk and uncertainty, always taking the path of least resistance and letting life happen to me rather than making things happen myself. Whatever I do it's obvious I need to have a very serious and difficult conversation with her. She doesn't deserve to be blindsided by this.

>>33776570
What's normal and healthy is knowing your partner enjoys having it with you (i.e. she gets off too), and is accommodating for you (doesn't turn you down often or without a reason).

You can't have it all, OP.
Take the long-term benefit if you like this person, even if she is not perfect.

That said, you know your relationship better than we all do.
Successful relationships rely on clear communication.
If you think you can, tell her your frustrations and explain that you really want to be with her, but that these things are eating you on the inside, maybe she can propose solutions.

Gotta find what is the crux of the problem and work on it together.
Maybe her willingness to solve the problem will be enough to convince you she is the one. Maybe her lack of comprehension and irrational screeching with indifference to your problems will give you fuel to part ways.

At any rate, keep in mind you have the better deal at hand right now.
See what you can do to accommodate your needs without giving it all up, and don't expect to be fully satisfied, just more satisfied than now. Give and take.

>>33777955
By the way, I am 34 and my first love was at 33, it was terrible.
Now I found someone who communicates her thoughts and it's great, we squish problems way before they can become problems. Took 6 months of talking all sorts of topics before deciding to commit, we wanted to see if our future plans aligned before even trying.

>>33777978
Part of this is on me. I have spent my entire life avoiding my problems hoping they go away and that has led me here. She usually pulls things out of me with persistence but for the majority of the last 6 years she has had to badger me about communicating. I have expressed my concerns previously but I don't know I shared them with the seriousness they deserved.

At 34 does no part of you long for the experiences you missed? I know I can never go back and truly experience them, I'm not that stupid. I utterly fucked that opportunity and there's no changing that. Maybe you don't dwell like I do but if you do how do you cope?

>>33777992
The choice not to be a degenerate was voluntary.
Of course it greatly appeals to me, everyone wants to coom, but I always considered not being a playboy would be better spiritually, overall. (I am an Atheist, just a figure of speech).

Now at 34 I am all but married to this girl who is NOT who I planned to be with, I have told her time and time again that the person I planned to be with would have different attributes/life circumstances.
Yet we click so well together that now I am slowly coming to terms with making this decision, to start a life that might be a bit more turbulent at first, and that might lack all the idealized benefits from my non-existent other wife, but with all the new positive things that this person has brought me and keeps bringing.
Just the fact that I am loved passively, without having to work for it, has already given me a wonderful state of mind to work with. I see her effort and I want to reward her for it. But I also stand my ground on things that are important to me.

If I absolutely needed sex but she was too prudish to offer it, I would ask her whether or not I can fuck other people. And she would probably say no, but then I would ask what is a solution to the problem, because I have needs, yadda yadda.

We've gone through some deep moral discussions like this through the way and survived so far, but of course you have to be tactful AND she needs to be into you, committed to the relationship.
I had the benefit of not being CRAZILY attracted to her, just normal level attraction, so losing her was never a fear. In fact, we told each other that finding someone more appropriate would be more appropriate, and at the beginning even gave the other a free pass to quit and pursue someone else, as long as communication about it was clear.
But we never did, and here we are.

Sorry for blabbering about myself, hope it gives you some food for thought.

>>33776995
>I have lived my entire life afraid of risk and uncertainty, always taking the path of least resistance and letting life happen to me

Knowing this already puts you ahead of the average normie, who often have a relationship for the sake of being alone. Its incredibly common, just look ath the replies to your thread.
Lame copes like
>you can't have it all
Of course a relationship os always a compromise to some degree with a real person and not a fictious 10/10, but you can absolutely have an exciting relationship to an attractive, interesting partner with a fulfilling sex life. Thats really not a super high bar.
Please do not listen to people who tell you to cling to your relationship for having a relationships sake. Most of the people telling you this are just trying to cope that they always stuck with the safe choice themselves and are miserable because of it.
You are young enough to forge your own path, but one day it will be too late. You don't want to be the embittered 60 year old boomer living in "what ifs" while his personal hamplanets bed shaking snoring keeps him awake.

>>33778062
>Just the fact that I am loved passively, without having to work for it
Hate to tell you this, but now thaving to work for love is simply the norm. Beliefs like these always, always stem from parents failing their one job and not loving their children unconditionally which later manifests in life in issues liike yours.
A relationship can have a great healing effect on that, and ist very good that you found that,but its obviously not OPs problem so please don't project your issues.

>>33778218
I was going to have a very serious talk with her and for the first time in my life make a potentially life altering decision on my own terms. I texted her to give her a heads up and she just called me saying she's fucking pregnant.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Oh my fucking God. Fuck my life, of fucking course this happens. I've cum in her like 3 fucking times and she got pregnant. I guess I'm not leaving her now.

>>33778400
I can't fucking believe this. 6 years we've been fucking without a condom using the pullout method and at 35 fucking years old she gets pregnant immediately. What the actual fuck.

>>33778400
Unless you're just trolling, this is a little bit too timely for my taste.
She will have definitely known something was up with your weightloss, and the thoughts you wrote down here are not the kind that don't subtly shine through when you are living together.
She will have known that her time to snap the trap shut was lmited.
Keep calm and see whether its just a scare to make you show your colours.

>I guess I'm not leaving her now.
While it is of course your duty and the right thing to do to be there for the CHILD, you owe her nothing. A child does not force you to be a couple with her, only to share the responsibility for your kid.

>>33778421
As said, this very timely pregnancy perfectly fits the bill for a woman who counts "locking down" a man as one of her life goals. Chill out, even if she is pregnant its not the end of your life, just a new responsibility you have to take care, fiscal and otherwise.
Please do not be a terribel example to your child by havign it witness his or her father staying and coping despite being miserable and unhappy.

>>33778566
I'm not trolling but I wish I was. This is genuinely fucking insane. I feel like I'm in a shitty movie right now. The day I'm thinking of maybe leaving is the day I find out she's pregnant. I had the conversation with her anyways and expressed my concerns. I was open about regretting my past inaction and she offered to let me explore with other women. I think that's what I need and honestly it makes me uncomfortable to do so while we're together but it's worth considering I guess. I suppose now I'll really know if any other woman want to fuck me. What am I supposed to do now, download tinder? This is all so God damn weird but she knows how deeply insecure I am about her being the only woman I've ever seriously been with. I can't believe she's willing to let me do this.

Part of the reason I wasted my youth was because I spent too much fucking time on /r9k/ listen to incel faggots and now I post here and get a major breakthrough. If only 4chan had been this helpful 15 years ago.

Thank you to every anon who replied. This is gonna be a fucking weird next few months but I dunno, maybe fucking other women will be the therapy I need. The fact that she is even considering it, even though obviously it isn't her first choice, is incredible. And it's one sided, she hasn't asked to fuck anyone else. I guess she did that enough in her 20s.

>>33773816
>>33774736
you have one or two kids, raise them for a few years, call a babysitter one night and then you go out and be a cool middle-aged swingers couple.

maybe you'll be lucky and hook up/swap with a couple of 20 year old lesbian/bisexual/whatever girls who aren't the most attractive chicks in the world but they still love to fuck.

>>33778218
I appreciate the free analysis, but my family was extremely loving, anon.
I've never been ashamed to hug mommy in front of everyone, even in my teens.

>>33778400
Sounds very convenient, does she have proofs?
Don't rush into a "marriage before giving birth" kind of thing, wait to see if it's real, then take responsibility if so.

>>33780737
I saw the pregnancy test and marriage is not the financially responsible thing to do at this point. I just cannot believe that after 6 years now is when this happens.

>>33773816
Americans are so cooked nigga I am getting out ASAP bro...