>>33790746
Please tell me how you met her so I can try to replicate this.

>>33790746
>is there any chance she'll change her mind and want marriage and kids with me?
Absolutely none.

>>33790764
work party at my part time job. i was lucky there was an open bar, she definitely wouldn't have acted on her attraction sober lol

>>33790783
Was she a coworker or just a girl working the bar? Did she make a move on you first?

>>33790792
coworker, but it's a huge company and we work in different departments, same open plan office though. i'm in middle management and she had just started two weeks ago.
someone introduced us, and after four beers i approached her and the rumors that she was dating another coworker came up. we talked about dating at work in general, and i asked if she thought i was cute, and she said she did. she gave me her number, she went back to her friends, i came back later when it was more empty and hit on her.

the company is horribly mismanaged and hr doesn't give a fuck unless someone sues, if that's what you're getting at.

>>33790815
OK, makes sense. I figured she was just a waitress that you met.

Outta curiosity, what's the age difference? You said you're finishing college but you're also working middle management.

>>33790847
i'm 28, so a seven year age gap.
you need a master's degree to get an entry level job in my career, and i've been slacking off a bit. my middle management job is barely more prestigious than being a manager at like, mcdonalds, but it pays much better

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>>33790746
>she only wants to be fwb
>she's been very upfront about not wanting any commitment. classic avoidant attachment
>says she's never been in love
>even offered to set me up with a friend who was looking for a serious remationship (ouch)
>college dropout
>working a dead end job while she figures out what to do with her life
>nonexistent relationship with her parents
>bad relationship with dad
>self harm scars
>very confident and independent actually
You have described a retired prostitute

>>33790906
eh, whores are too spoiled by the easy money to go back to wageslaving.
sounds more like a mentally ill chick who knows she can do better than OP kek

>>33790746
>any way i can lock this girl down?

You can't. Generally the only option is to get her to chase you but it seems like you're so into this chick that she knows she doesn't have to. And if she can get a chump like you obsessed with her, she can get an even better guy to commit to her. It's funny though since guys like you typically end up blue-balled in the friend-zone but because you actually made a move instead of hesitating, you're getting to stick your dick in her even though otherwise you're essentially filling the beta orbiter role. There's a lesson here for the typical kissless virgin that browses this board.

>>33790969
i was kinda hoping there was some 4d chess move that would make her settle for me lol

so what do you think would be the best course of action here? keep having sex while she's still interested? would feel like a waste to end it myself, we have great chemistry and i've never scored with a girl this attractive before.
on the other hand, i do really want a wife and kids, and if i'm getting companionship and intimacy with her i'm not motivated to meet other women. is there any way to make myself less obsessed with her while still having sex? or is this a recipe for disaster?

just to illustrate how down bad i am - she casually mentioned that she had a pregnancy scare (didn't even bother telling me at the time, only after a negative test) and i was genuinely bummed because at least that would've made her somewhat dependent on me. i've never been this pathetic about a woman before, and i've literally been engaged lol

>>33791066
>keep having sex while she's still interested?

Yes and start meeting other women. It's literally the only way you'll stop obsessing over her. And finally accept the likelihood that she won't be your future wife. There's a saying I once heard which goes "there's at least one bombshell in every man's life" and sounds like she's yours. Enjoy the moments and the memories for when you're a 60 year old man who can no longer get it up but at least you can reminisce. The vast majority of men don't marry the sexiest women they ever fucked - their ex may have been a 10 but their wife is a 7.

Besides the average loser on this board would literally murder you just to be in your shoes. You've already won.

>open to manipulative strategies because i genuinely think i could make her happy

are you hearing yourself?

>>33791141
yeah? it doesn't sound great, but she's still very young and i think her attachment issues are a way of self sabotaging that is rooted in childhood trauma rather than what she actually wants/what is actually going to make her happy. she likes me, she likes kids (literally used to work at a daycare and said it made her happy even though the working conditions were shit) she's literally biologically hardwired to want a man to provide for her and knock her up.

we can live in a nice house my family owns rent free, and the job i'll start in spring pays well enough that she won't have to worry about money, so she can do social work part time or whatever makes her feel independent and useful to society.
she finds me attractive, and i can offer her a fulfilling, comfortable life. why would that not make her happy?

>>33790746
>she only wants to be fwb, i think she's wife material.
it's so utterly catastrophically over
best bet is to basically be a total cunt and treat her (in your mind) badly, fuck her around, miss meet ups, drop out of texts and conversation, just snub her all the time to erode her ego and show that she doesn't mean much to you - she's a classic bpd whore btw - she likes orbiters (like you) who fawn over her, she might say something like "people dont know how hard it is when people just fall in love with you all the time" - you need to cultivate orbiters too, get some dispossable side bitches (cruel) to rub in her face, turn her down one time at least because you're seeing someone else, be up front about it - also just keep to your own things, be doing well but be chill and not give a fuck about it all, act like a typical aloof douchey arsehole but have the success and charisma and surface level niceness to pull it off

basically she's cursed

>>33791066
>she casually mentioned that she had a pregnancy scare and i was genuinely bummed because at least that would've made her somewhat dependent on me.

kek you are delusional if you think this 21 year old who's scared of commitment wouldn't just get an abortion in a heartbeat. unless you live in a shithole where that's super illegal, i can guarantee you even that wouldn't make her settle for you, so stop fantasizing about knocking her up and enjoy the pussy while you can

>some info about her: 21, college dropout, working a dead end job while she figures out what to do with her life. nonexistent relationship with her parents (mum died super early, bad relationship with dad). very old self harm scars, not the attention seeking cat scratch kind, vertical ones that needed stitches. doesn't act mentally ill though, very confident and independent actually. surprisingly inexperienced for a hot girl

You are colossally retarded OP. College dropout. "figuring myself out", no relationship with parents, self harmer, independent.

That's a LOT of red flags.

>>33791340
duh, if she was a ten and well-adjusted there is no way she would have let me hit in the first place. i'm not that delusional. none of that stuff is a dealbreaker for me - the scars are from her early teens and i've seen her naked often enough to be confident she doesn't do it anymore. she's well adjusted enough to hold down a high-stress full time job, so she's clearly in a better place now.

>>33791408
Yeah, but you're saying she is marriage material and mommy material. She's not, the red flags show this.

>>33791424
okay, i didn't ask you if you would want to marry her and have kids with her.

fwiw, i think she'd grow out of that independent act pretty quickly if she was responsible for a child. being a mother would give her a purpose in life. also, i have a very tight-knit family and they love her, so that would compensate for the lack of support on her side.

>>33791316
>best bet is to basically be a total cunt and treat her (in your mind) badly, fuck her around, miss meet ups, drop out of texts and conversation, just snub her all the time to erode her ego and show that she doesn't mean much to you - she's a classic bpd whore btw - she likes orbiters (like you) who fawn over her, she might say something like "people dont know how hard it is when people just fall in love with you all the time" - you need to cultivate orbiters too, get some dispossable side bitches (cruel) to rub in her face, turn her down one time at least because you're seeing someone else, be up front about it - also just keep to your own things, be doing well but be chill and not give a fuck about it all, act like a typical aloof douchey arsehole but have the success and charisma and surface level niceness to pull it off
I hate that this is good advice.

>>33790746 (OP) #
gonna go against the grain here - it doesn't sound like she has BPD. not every bitch who cuts has a personality disorder.

statistically, it's way more likely she just has depression/anxiety and poor coping skills. the way OP describes her doesn't really match the symptoms of BPD either.

desu, it just sounds like she's not that into OP.
this whole situation is pretty much entirely his fault for not setting boundaries when she is being very transparent about her intentions.

>>33790906
That seems to be what most men prefer. Remember looks>virginity happens constantly irl. If the girl has Stacy looks and is a slut he can always sell her photos online anyways.

>>33791485
Why would you want to have a clearly immature mentally ill woman mother your children just because she is hot?

>>33790746
So you are successful and she is a loser.
Why would you want to lock her down?
Pussy really messes with men's heads.

>she casually mentioned that she had a pregnancy scare (didn't even bother telling me at the time, only after a negative test)

Mate
Did she specifically say it was you, or just vaguely... *a* pregnancy scare?
I'm coming down from a very similar encounter, though I established boundaries (very weakly) and got put through the orbiter routine before I finally came to my senses
She's telling you she's letting other guys fuck her raw bro
You need to get out of this situation before the discard; the discard will completely fucking destroy you

Look up anxious/avoidant attachment, the anxious/avoidant trap, avoidant/narcissistic dynamics

I'm sorry dude but she is incapable of loving you

At best she will leech resources/assets from you but as soon as she'a done with you you are fucked

No reasonable, kind, loving person would continue to let someone fuck them when they knew that person was hopelessly in love with you
It's about power, she loves the power and control of withholding what you need- love and reciprocation- while taking what she wants- your psychic energy and your seed

You probably won't believe me but I hope you remember this at some point, the cycle keeps repeating until you learn
I thought I'd learned but I'd just graduated from BPD to NPD

You were abused and neglected as a child. You had one of those happy families from the outside but behind closed doors you were subjected to verbal abuse, negligence, invalidation of your needs and emotions. You were mocked and ridiculed for having needs and as a defence you learned to burrow deep into your mind and stay there. You're highly functional but no matter what you do there is this sorrow you can not escape. When this girl is affectionate you feel happier than you have ever felt. When she withdraws you feel that void in its fullness- you allow her to treat you like this because it is all you have ever known.

I hope you figure it out bro

t. 39 in a week

>>33795210
not sure honestly? she was just laughing about how her father had told her she looked like she could be pregnant when she asked him to pick up a pregnancy test on the way home. i don't think she actually noticed i was acting weird about the whole thing because it was pitch black so she couldn't see my face, and i just said: "well, you wouldn't really show at this point". she made some quip about how one of the other thirty guys she was seeing on the side was probably the hypothetical father. then she laughed and said she barely had time for one guy next to a full time job, having a social life, eating and sleeping.

i think that's a little harsh, saying that no good person would keep sleeping with me in this situation. whenever she brings up that i should hurry up and meet a woman i'm actually compatible with ("your biological clock is ticking, anon, unless autistic kids are what you're gokng for" lol), and that us sleeping together is a temporary thing, i can get a bit manipulative. telling her i'd be upset if we ended a good thing over something like that - she's a bit of a people pleaser, so that usually gets her to shut up about that.

thanks for sharing your experience, it made me reconsider some things. this is definitely about validation for me, on some level - when she first told me i was cute i was high off that for weeks. in my one long term relationship, we used to say i love you back and forth to each other for literal hours lol

>>33794679
i don't really feel the need to marry up, my own money is more than enough for a comfortable life, especially considering i won't have to worry about rent/buying a house. as far as i'm concerned, she has all the qualifications to be a good housewife and mother, and i care far more about that than some bs degree or prestigious job or whatever. she's neat, a great cook, makes me happy when i'm around her, communicates well, makes my dick hard. what more could i want?

>>33795572
>she made some quip about how one of the other thirty guys she was seeing on the side was probably the hypothetical father. then she laughed and said she barely had time for one guy next to a full time job, having a social life, eating and sleeping.
gonna be honest with you anon, between this and her bugging you about finding another woman, it's very likely that
>she has another guy that she's having sex with besides you
>she likes the other guy better than you and is trying to let you off gently
this is absolutely gonna end up with you getting your heart broken down the line when she decides that trying to play nice isn't working and cuts you off entirely

>>33790746
Is she really wife material if she wants a fwb? Youre thinking with the wrong head op

>>33790746
>she definitely has other options - gorgeous face, even without makeup, hot body, smart, great personality, good with kids.

Whenever someone says this I always imagine some 7/10 cute-ish barista girl with a few extra pounds on her ass and am usually right on the money. As a general rule unless we're talking about rare beauties with golden ratio faces, long legs, hourglass figures with huge non-saggy tits and 10/10 bubble butts, you don't get to say this shit. Especially if said girl is non-white.

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>>33795572

>she made some quip about how one of the other thirty guys she was seeing on the side was probably the hypothetical father.

Arrrrgh I get it, I have been there and I understand the denial as I have felt it and minimised it so many times

She is telling you
To your face
What she is doing

I'm sorry dude

>i think that's a little harsh

It's very harsh, that's what 4chan's for
But it is true anon... It isn't fwb if one person's in love and the other knows it. It's an extremely cruel power move and you deserve better.

Normal relationships don't rely on triangulation ('i'm fucking other guys and nearly got pregnant lol') or intermittent reinforcement/hot-cold cycles. It functions as an addiction- your body/brain releases fucking huge doses of oxytocin and dopamine when she gives you these tiny little scraps and the cortisol release and flatline when she withholds is worse than meth withdrawals. I fucking hate what I am experiencing right now, I didn't even get a root out of it and I am wracked with sorrow constantly over something that never even existed.

Unironically feed your story into ChatGPT. You're hopelessly in love with a ghost right now but I know there's something deep within you saying 'something's not right here.'

I hate to say it but this relational pattern is so common and so deeply entrenched that the LLM literally started predicting the future trajectory of my most recent mindfuck. It would give me lines to feed her and her predicted response, and it was fucking dead on.
That alongside a good therapist has helped me make more progress in 4-5 months than I have made in 20 years of therapy going through my fucked up childhood and relationship history.

Funny thing is chief, you have 0% chance of locking this chick down. She, however, completely owns you right now and is in the leadup to the harshest discard you will ever have experienced. As soon as they start telling you they're sleeping with other guys to your face it's fucking over.

>>33795667
not op but i think your projecting your history of oneitis for a chick you didn't bang on op's current relationship with a chick that he is banging

>>33795210
>>33795572
>>33795620
>>33795667

It helps so much to read these insights. Pure wisdom. OP, you should end this situation on your own terms while you still can. It will be much harder when she pulls the plug without any real sorrow.

In case other readers are also having a revelation reading these posts like I did, I’ll share my own story.

I went through this whole thing. One year of FWB with almost daily phone calls lasting between 1 and 3 hours, visits almost every weekend (one or two-night stays), and additional meetups in the city after work. Right from the beginning, and every other month he told me he wasn't interested in a LTR. Even though he only met one other guy every couple of months with very limited sex.

I couldn’t believe that he had no feelings for me. We spent so much time together. He sometimes told me to greet my mom from him. To me, he was an 11/10, and I repeatedly had the best sex I had ever experienced. I just couldn’t accept that it wasn’t going to last. I subconsciously tricked myself into believing that we had a "situationship" and that one day he would catch feelings and commit to me.

Then came a time where he was always online on dating apps. After a few days, he casually told me he was going to meet someone and that he was really excited. We then had a last phone call, during which I spilled all my feelings, and he just listened, bored, with nothing to say. He waited for me to finish and then asked what to do with the situation—whether I preferred hanging up for the day or switching the subject. I said to switch the subject, and then he energetically went on about some Warhammer 40k lore from an audiobook he was listening to.

The next day, I wrote to him saying I couldn’t have contact anymore. He wrote back, saying he hoped I would find the right person, that he wasn’t the one, and that was it.

I’m obviously not over him, and I’ve started therapy.

OP, run. I hope you don’t spiral as hard as I do

Hope OP is not retarded enough to dump her because some bitter weirdos projected too hard.

get over yourself, enjoy the sex and the validation you'll get out of her while it lasts. she doesn't care enough to want to ruin your life. obviously it's a dumb idea to invest more into your relationship, but it's not you're getting nothing out of your current arrangement.

>>33790746
how long has this been going on? how often do you see each other? do you hook up and then dip or do you spend the night? do you hangout at all outside work/booty calls?

Now I'm understanding why women hate incels so much, unholy amounts of seethe in this thread. Anon enjoy the friendship and sex, she literally likes you enough to want to routinely fuck you, dont fall in love though, she was kind enough to warn you, dont manipulate her, bad karma, you're decent amount older than her so you can understand she wants to fool around, just follow her advice look for someone else but keep her on the side, the guys on this site are effeminate and suicidal, don't let them poison your outlook on life, complaining about woman is the most uncanny thing you could ever do, enjoy the pussy and fun and keep looking, lot of guys here would murder you for your position, yes even the guys who supposedly giving you "good advice" (they're all closet whiney faggots) life goes on nigga

>>33797076
*unmanly thing you could ever do

>>33790746
>classic avoidant attachment, says she's never been in love.
ew... I'm so sorry man.
I'm trying to imagine her as THE most beautiful girl for ME PERSONALLY. And then imagining that girl as avoidant - that would suck. So hard.
So I'm empathizing here with you, pretty hardcore.

All I have to say is, avoidant attachment style is a losing battle. You're fighting uphill. It's not a question of if It's a question of WHEN she'll move on. ESPECIALLY with that last line about her being a college dropout bad relationship with dad in a deadend job that's not sure what to do with her life and has old self harm scars. AND she's YOUNG, like, 21.
Sounds like a girl with a slut phase waiting to happen.
And you're a pit stop right before that. (Or maybe right after that phase, and before phase 2 of the boss, both possibilities are open.)
Unfortunate man. Enjoy what you have while you have it but I'd start looking for more and fuck them too, she's only an FWB, there's no commitment there. Do not put commitment where there is clearly none from the other side. I'd fuck other chicks without telling her because she told you - no commitment. No commitment also means, you're not committed to telling her that you're fucking other girls, because that will only strain your relationship. So. Fuck as much as you can, line up relationship material girl to fall back on when she inevitably starts losing interest and/or cuts you off completely.

And good on you for having a house and whatever, I'm jelly, fuck you a little bit because I'm mad at the world.

>>33790746
>own a nice house with a huge garden
Where the fuck do you live where that’s even remotely possible at 28
Also provide stats
height
face
and hers
weight
boob size
Because then it’ll be obvious if you have a chance or not

>>33790746
Seems to me like you should just keep doing what you’re doing. Sounds like she’s just self-sabotaging to avoid getting her hopes up. Wealthier older guy and younger attractive girl are a classic match for a reason so hang in there.

>>33797513
western europe, desu i just got lucky (generational wealth).

i'm 5'10, 6/10 facially i suppose.

she's 5'6-ish, i'd guess around bmi 21, great ass, crazy hips to waist ratio. probably a c-cup, nice shape, super perky. face-wise, subjective ten. might just be my feelings talking, but my friends agree that she's very pretty. natural blonde, too.

>>33798304
OK so rich kid. That’s how you got the manager position too I’m guessing. Spain amirite?

You just described every third girl on the street in Warsaw, Vienna and Prague. But good for you. A nice ass is always a plus, something to grab onto. And since she’s only 21 it’ll stay bouncy for a while. Had a 20yo netball player like that once, crazy good fuck bent over.

Anyway you’re a mid manlet but a rich one and she probably likes the security so I think you’ll be fine just keep doing what you’re doing.

>>33798871
god, i wish that was what every third girl on the street looked like in vienna

very classy, negging some chick you're never gonna meet. is this some kinda 4d chess move i don't get or are you retarded enough to believe that?

If she doesn't smoke stick those nicotine patches on her while she's sleeping. Take it off before she wakes up

>>33790746
Give her money and spend money on her. if she vapes ask her if she needs a vape, hair nails make up. Ask her if she’s ate today. That’ll make her drop everyone else and only fwu. Everyone and I mean everyone has a price. Remember that.

>>33790746
And when I say give her money I don’t mean as in buying content. If you talk to a girl that does any kind of nude content Don’t Ever ask for or buy her content or that’s what you’ll forever be to her. A trick, a John. If she offers it just be like na it’s ok. I’m gonna just give you the money. That’s gonna fuck her head up and make her not even wanna sell content anymore cause she won’t need to. Thats literally all every girl is looking for. Attention and money.

Too much real in this thread. I had something going with a girl 10 years younger. Similar shit. We reached a point where we said we loved each other but she bailed and wants nothing to do with me now. I don't know if it's all the parasocial internet relations that make them this way or what, but they're being raised subconciously to be non comittal and manipulative. They'll "never be ready," and don't know what they want, when really we've just enabled cowardice and neurotic tendencies. Weak willed and callous young women who will, as stated, just fuck with you because of the power dynamic. They want some form of control in their life at that age, and are not mature enough to know what a relationship even is-- maybe never will be.

I believe my ex just wanted a project, some man she could mold, but she was still never satisifed with her loser ex, and then didn't like the change in dynamic when I took reign of things and led the brief relationship. Lose-lose situation. They just aren't relationship material anymore. Pull a power move, tell her to fuck off before she gets the chance, and never look back. Because she will never stay, and it's a matter of time til she gets bored. Strike first, get a little surprise in. You can be the one that got away and in ten years when she's been run through, she MIGHT look you back up. That's the only "option" here man. Sorry

>>33799569
>he thinks blonde girls with great asses and pretty faces are rare in fucking vienna of all places
don’t get mad just cause I pointed out that your special chick ain’t all that special homie

Sexhavers deserve a gruesome death

>this shit thread is still going
It’s all fake and gay, just read >>33795572, no actual woman talks like that, OP is making it up.

>>33796732
met three months ago.
i can see her work schedule, so i ask her to hang out twice a month on one of her days off. it's never purely a booty call - we've gone to a fireworks show, concerts, game night, stuff like that.
eventually, we get ready for bed, talk and cuddle a bit. have sex, back to cuddling, fall asleep, wake up, fuck again. then in the morning, we fuck one last time, then i usually drive her home in time for her shift the next day.
i've introduced her to a lot of my friends and she's met my parents. she doesn't seem very interested in me meeting anyone from her life.

we see each other at work once or twice a week. i'll take my lunch at the same time she does and we usually go for a walk and talk, sometimes she initiates holding hands or resting her head on my shoulder, but she's only done that when it was dark outside/we were far from the office.