boo.
it's over.

I play higher or lower with dice to decide what kind of person I will be before writing a post. If guess correctly I am good boy. If guess incorrectly I am bad boy.

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
You conquered me Adrijus you have to unconquer me now.
I wish I could get over you

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>be told to improov not for pussy but for yourself
>improov for pussy anyway
>get to the point I'm attracting mild interest
>hate it
>realize I did all this work for a lesser version of what she gives others freely
>realize I really did improov for me
>no foid has any right to anything and everything I've worked so hard for
>get offended by any positive foid attention because they're snakes
>continue to improov for the thrill and purpose of it

i once creepily drew fanart of this qt chubby dude who sat in a seat further up ahead of me in one of my college classes and i still look at it from time to time despite it being like 2 years old

>>33799347
I really don't know if I was raped in Galveston TX the time I was kidnapped from my parents

My job makes me feel really worthless but it's nearly impossible to find other jobs.

I've been so close for months to hurting myself again. And I'm scared it's gonna happen tonight, that I'll be back to how I was.

Did I make it awkward? It's not my fault. You started it. You're surprisingly sensitive for someone who talks mad shit all the time.

I hope I become powerful

yeah I don't think my family loves me. they just feel guilty for letting a disabled mixed race baby be born from an autistic teen mom. they know they have to take care of me out of obligation but it's all just obligation and guilt. they know everyone would have been better off if i was aborted but they're too religious to say that part. and we all know i'll never amount to anything either. i don't like being alive.

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When I was with my ex, I gained like 100 pounds and became this really gross blob creature. Also, it's so cringe, but I kind of laugh when I think about this thing I used to do. I would wake up to go the bathroom and she would be in the kitchen, and while I'm waiting for my pee stream to start, or during it, I would start slapping my ass really hard making this really loud popping sound when I did it. You know the slap sound. I don't know why I did it but I'm cracking up right now even thinking about how much of a turn-off that must have been for her and I did it constantly. LIke every day get up to pee, then *pop *pop *pop as I slap my own ass LOL. What a dumbass. She stopped wanting to be sexual with me for the last 8 months of our relationship before she broke up with me. No surprise. I also made her sleep on the floor because I've never been able to sleep with someone in the same bed. Instead of buying a separate bed for her or something she just slept on the floor. LOLLL

I'm gonna go smoke some Delta 9 hemp today so that I can calm down. I think my crush from work most of all out of everything else would just want me to be calm and not worry so much. Not take me being rejected as a big deal and everything else not as a big deal.

Me: M -goes into a schizophrenic rant-
M: -stares blankly with a smile-
Me: And that is what happened.
M: Okay Zach, I think you need to smoke some weed okay. Just chill... Chill the fuck out okay. Calm the fuck down Zach. It isn't that big of a deal. -pulls out joint-
Me: -smokes it-
M: There now are you better?
Me: Yeah I feel better...
M: That's all you're gonna get okay.

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That hunter humiliated me I've never been handled so easily before fuck..... FUUUUUUUUUCK

Used to drink a lot
Haven't in almost a full year
Used to smoke weed everyday
Haven't in a few months

My youth is ending and I really miss the fun party days
Getting old is a blessing but it comes with too much heartache

Been using my new pillow for cuddling instead of a blanket. Still trying to get used to it since it's wider. It's much softer than a blanket.

He looks like if you took two cement blocks and put his head between it and smash them together. Looks like he has slight downs syndrome as well.

I'd say he is a 34% . You can do better.

>ghost them for a few days
>mood instantly improves
>the clouds part, sun starts shining, color returns to my surroundings, appetite returns etc

i just feel a little bad because you are a good and supportive friend. i can see you left me so many messages saying you care about me and can't sleep. but to be honest you have been completely out of my mind until i saw what you wrote.

i don't know what to do. should i just keep ghosting you? that would make me feel better. but i should probably do the right thing instead. but what would that even be? to tell you the truth, that being around you specifically makes me suicidal? i'm only depressed when i talk to you and you don't know that.

things were easier when we were together

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I left some internet friends I love for no reason other then me being a schizo
I hate myself

>>33800802
what was easier?

>>33800825
>avoidant attachment be like:

>>33800957
I don't like hurting people.

>>33800677
I apologize for being schizoid in the other thread.

I'm being forced to take antipsychotics. That shit ruins my life.

When I say fix myself I mean physically…

I'm not looking forward to it. How disappointing given how excited I had been this whole week.

>>33801376
same

I feel very uncomfortable around the idea of dating women younger than my age and feel more uncomfortable with women my age dating men much older than me. I know my assistant boss is a great guy but I felt very uncomfortable the moment he said he'd date my coworker who I unfortunately had to cut ties with. What makes it even worse is that my father at this age and my grandfather equally were fathers. I just want someone as immature as my coworker again close to my age. I hate seeing women my age being superiorily mature to me dating much older men. It just feels more comfortable with my giant size to date older women. No one will see it and I'll be called out on it.

It's over

>>33800207
"Its not what you think. It's what you can prove"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYDVqc_PwsM

>>33799347
My wife just got off the pill and I’ve got two more weeks before I get snipped. How the fuck do people have sex with condoms this shit is miserable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bosouX_d8Y

>in a good mood
>pretend to be suicidal
>ghost everyone
>laugh at all the messages and voicemails i get

i might be a bad person but this shit is too funny

it's going to be a mess for a while

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If you're already that disappointed in me then just cut me off
I'm sorry

>>33801929
thumbs up

The finger pointing will never end

>>33801948
What do you mean?

I knew I shouldn't have texted. But I was drunk and already low, but you just blowing me off like I'm nobody sunk me even lower.

I don't know why people have to be like this. You said you had no ill will toward me, so was that a lie? You can just pretend a year of your life never happened?

I gotta say though, you made it a lot easier to stay away, because this attitude pisses me off.

I don't want to do anything. I'm burnout. I'm tired.

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>>33801929
I never wanted to, but I had to since I love you. I wish you'd get better and I get better and you approach me again. Or something happens. Just please give me a shit ton, no a fuck ton of proof you are you say you are. You came in my life and made it better and now, I don't know if you can come back and make it better again.

>>33801667
that's what I said. and then they were like "It's just begun" or something

I feel like shit for not emailing my ex back even if it sucks because he doesn’t want to get together. Narc or not he is the best thing that happened to me. I cannot deal with my parents anymore he was the only person who understood me.

I love you Adrijus, always and forever. I’m sorry for everything. I wish I knew a way to talk to you but I don’t want to ruin your new fling even if it makes me feel like I’m being stabbed 1000 times. I am a problem.
Sincerely A

I am not trying to pretend that the year we were together wasn’t the best year of my life,I just don’t want to be discarded by you again. I love you but I cannot trust you. I dream of marrying you but you chose someone else, someone younger and prettier. I miss daydreaming about us holding hands on campus in autumn or cuddling in the library.

My flow is weak sometimes like a stopped river
He's The Way, The Truth, The Life and I'm just chopped liver

>>33801408
It turned out ok. I felt like the time went back to quickly. Also I felt like the chemistry wasn't there anymore.

in gonna get a little drunk and make another tamago sando

I'm so fucking awesome now or will be soon, but it's too late to matter. Not even Japan could change things.

uh tamago alert

>>33802018
Adri I will never have ill will towards you. I just do not know how to handle the current emotional situation.

i think i got like a tier smarter than my old self recently

Well M, based on observation you were wrong about my boss. And since you were on a rant I'd say you were lying. And this is not a he said she said but an imperical evidence thing. As had your best friend not said anything and this discovery I made I would have believed you. Never doubt the man who can be as observant as his grandfather.

I really hate the types of people my parents have become, I desperately want to move out, but can't find a job that pays enough for me to do so

Now M, there is nothing wrong with liking a guy like me. I admit I am autistic, but after standing on my feet a lot and exercising my posture and gait has improved, so that weird ass clumsy methhead walk I did is kinda gone. There is also the fact that I am tall, I have a face similar to the singer in The Smiths and sometimes Ryan Gosling, I am intelligent as a guy who isn't is not in an elite university, and I work 30-45 hours per week. It is okay to have a crush on me. I am essentially mentally a 25 year old and a 30 year old can roll with that. It just is you should have never done the dumb thing which is go back to your old lifestyle as all those instincts in your body doing that is Satan trying to get you to sin over and over and over again. Now, you're gonna have to earn my trust for me to like you again unfortunately. I'd say if I see you not going back to your fucked in the head enabler, and after a couple of years, I will pursue you again. He enables you M. Tells you and gives you what you want to hear like your energy drink gives you the boosted high you want. Pot is one thing. I don't mind pot. But fucking stuff that fucks people up like Meth, crack, cocaine, and heroin is where I draw the line. Your mother doesn't want you with that enabler either. Besides you and a lot of women really need to start feeling comfortable liking me and those assholes who call you names for you liking me need to be put in their place. You need to get it that you are liking a flawed decent intelligent young man like all the other guys you are with. And those guys from the Hood need to know this middle class man likes you. We were close to something. I was really close to getting a nose bridge piercing so I could make it more obvious it ain't a joke to like me. Imagine me with a light gray hoodie and that piercing walking you down a street at night while I keep my eyes open with you grasping my arm for protection. You see now how it ain't all that embarassing?

>>33802032
Same. I wish Trump would allow Hikikomoris

THEY ARE 3 PARTIES ON THIS LINE

You sneaky Lil bihh

>>33802699
no u

>>33802655
I got embarrassed just reading this

Oh Frank it's Jason

I really hate him but I will have to pretend to love him for a few more years.

>>33802769
Why do you say this?

>>33802774
Because it's true. Why else would I say it?

>>33802780
Makes sense, but I meant, why do you have to pretend to love him? Sorry, I have disjointed thoughts sometimes and I expect others to get it, my fault.

Ok, I'm like 99% sure they stitched on me. Fuck these guys. Like it's none of their business, you don't know what's going on, you don't know the full story, so learn to stay in your lane. The vibe was completely off today. I'm actually so pissed.

>>33802798
What happened

Nightmare of kids limbs being bitten off by bears while they eat steaks. The bears keep trying to eat their steaks. I keep trying to distract the bear.

My dad wants to retire in 2 years.
My mom hasn't had a job in 30+ years. She overspends every week. Usually it's well-intentioned, buying good food, something nice for the house, gifts etc. But the past several years it's increasingly due to spite. She takes out hundreds from the joint account every time she goes food shopping, and she goes daily. She no longer cleans or cooks beyond maybe a meal a week.
I really cannot emphasize enough that she's just being spiteful and taking advantage. My dad has to pay taxes this week, handed her a few hundred to get groceries and specifically told her she couldn't take out any cash since the government wants their share. She took out another $300 anyway. And in spite of using $1k+ cash per week, she also has $30k credit card debt that she makes no efforts to pay.

I honestly wish she was squirreling it away or something, but she's not. She just spends it all on ludicrous garbage and is resentful when my dad asks her what she's doing with it- yet he continues to let her do what she wants. I don't know how to help either one, because he refuses to put his foot down and she refuses to see reason. She's just out of control.

Now for my revenge.

>>33802744
I don't blame you. I usually am embarassing to deal with.

The thing that gets me is that I'm not scared to stand up for myself
It's more like I'm confused if what happens to me is something worth fighting about
A lot of shit doesn't bug me, I cut toxic people from my life, and I'm more likely to let shit slide
If it's not overly threatening the I don't care

>>33803174
Babe…

Just once I want to get them Just once at least

No poor characterization will make me less righteous

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Hey guys, im really sad, can I bitxh about it here?

Long story short, there’s a girl internet friend ive had for 7 or more years, we VC’d, video call, we live on opposite ends of the world and have talked about meeting before, dating, marrying, w/e, it’s a fun and dear friendship i have.

But we are also volatile, she’s blocked me for a long time before cuz she was mad, ive ghosted her when I’m upset, and so this last time i ghosted her for a couple months, (she’s also diagnosed schizo btw, maybe a little more than that)

And when I showed back up, she tells me she’s quit all her meds for a while cuz the voices said to, and she’s been acting totally strange, dissociated, saying weird nonsense gibberish in random scripts she doesn’t even know.

It’s so scary and heartbreaking, it’s like she’s not there mentally, only vaguely will her old self glimmer through with an occasional lucid comment, i miss my friend and wanna talk to her and I feel guilty as fuck. I’ve seen her act a little off but never this severe.

Has anyone ever dealt with this before? Loving a schizo? Maybe even if it wa a family member? Is there anything i can do to help? She doesn’t have a dad, her family doesn’t seem of much help, her mom is a beggar, but i tracked down and messaged her sister. I keep begging her to see the doctor but it feels like it’s not getting through.

What to do..?

>>33803634
Leave her alone it's clear you two are terrible together.

>>33803634
There's not much you can do as an internet friend other than hope and keep asking her family to help her. But like >>33803648 says, your relationship with her sounds like it was toxic even when she was lucid. Do you have your own diagnosed (or undiagnosed) issues? It's not normal to ghost your friend of 7 years for months because you're upset

I only ask once
If you turn it down then there's nothing more to be said

I cannot fucking get in front of the anxiety today
I'm so sick of just living every day jumping from one cope behavior to the next whether it's healthy or unhealthy and being unable to focus on literally anything else
I need to go back on meds and I really don't want to but I can't keep going on like this

>>33803669
Listen to me
Hodor
Hodooor
Hoooooodoooor
HOOOOOOLD DOOOORR

I think I'm going to fuck up school again. I think my problems are Innate, and I should change but I probably won't. I can't stomach watching myself self destruct over decades, I really need to kill myself at some point. The alternative is live as the absolute fucking loser that I am. I can't live with that guy for the rest of my life, I hate him too much. It's all just too much.

>>33803628
Do you hear yourself? You sound insecure. No righteous person or "being" has to say "I'm righteous." Moron. No righteous being has to sit here and remind people "Hey, I'm righteous, by the way"

I have no appetite. I don't know why I feel so down about this.

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I'm at that stage of relapse where I know I'm in to deep and can't stop so I just stop talking to people because I know it invites too many questions and it gets people to try to convince me into quitting. I can feel my world growing smaller and smaller and I feel myself continually unable to talk about anything.

>>33803852
Does that actually help? Or is it because it's caloric?

I think I'm in love with a friend I just met, but in a platonic way. Like I really, really want to be close friends with them but I'm not into them romantically. It really sucks being this needy, I've known them for barely two weeks and I don't know how to handle this, I've never had intense platonic yearning before

>>33804000
Ok, I have some in the fridge. I'll go eat some.

>>33803648
>>33803664
We both have a fucked up upbringing and lots of trauma and PTSD probably, i have adhd as far as i know and yeah, when i first met her she wasn’t schizophrenic, it’s something that developed into her Mid to late 20s.

But i ask you, just because we are both damaged, and a little crazy in our own way, if like most of the time we really enjoy each others company and talking about our lives and trying to help each other work thru it? People can’t be friends just cuz they are fucked up?

Also>>33803664
for more clarification, it’s a little more nuanced than i just ghosted her, it’s essentially what i did, but i did tell her i needed a little space, bc she was being a lil distant, and like going deep into some religious stuff, and some insecurities she was having, also with adhd sometimes we have a problem and get anxiety with talking and we tend to self isolate sometimes.

So it’s not like it was mean spirited, i missed her the entire time we didn’t talk.

It’s a big shitshow. But sincerely, thanks for listening and giving me some feedback. It’s better than none, and getting this out has made me feel a little better.

>>33804326
Ultimately we don't know the nuances of your relationship. Only you can answer whether you two genuinely help each other and find solace in each other's ability to relate, or whether your respective neuroses are making each other worse. It could even be a bit both, it's just something to consider.

I think people who are fucked up can, and arguably should, be friends. It's a really sweet thing when you can help each and the bond that can form is strong. Just be careful is all. To me it reads like you guys weren't always the best for each other, even holding the mental health issues aside, but I wasn't actually there and you've known her for 7 years, so it'd be silly to dismiss the value you've placed in your relationship outright.

Relationships unfortunately come with shitshows. Regardless of what happens, I'm wishing you both the best. Even if the worst comes to past and you two lose what you have now, I hope you'll continue to hold onto the positive feelings the past 7 years have given you.

Why do I miss her even though she fucking sucked? There's something about toxic women that drags me down to their level. I get involved in their shitty games. I want to 'win'. Even though the only way to win is to just not play anymore.

She's out there angling to get plugged by another dude, and it tears me up inside. I know this dude is in for a miserable time, but this shitty territorial part of me HATES it.

>>33804480
What if she's just staying single?
She's probably not even over you. Not all women are toxic. She's just retarded

>>33804522
Man, we were never even 'official'. For three years we were in this weird place of hooking up, celebrating holidays, birthdays, etc. But she'd never see me outside her house, in the dead of night. She'd never introduce me to her friends or family. I found out she was actually fielding invitations to family get togethers without telling me. Just weird shit.

Best I can figure, this is all about plausible deniability. She can never transgress the bounds of a relationship if she was never in a relationship to begin with.

She'll still reach out from time to time, but it's always just a bunch of nothing. She'll float plans to hang out that never materialize, etc. I think she just wants to make sure I'll still give her attention. If I could see her phone/snaps/DMs I'm sure I'd find a heap of other dudes stuck in my situation.

>>33804562
>She'd never introduce me to her friends or family
Sounds like she was just using you as a fling. I understand the resentment, you have been played.

It kinda sucks failing at everything I ever cared about

>>33804588
Yyyep. When I confronted her, she tried to flip the script like I'd gotten the wrong idea about things. Bitch, you invited me to spend New Year's Eve at your mom's. Don't tell me I misunderstood. That's just flat out manipulation.

She doesn't Love Me. I feel so betrayed and alone. I don't think I will ever find anyone. I'm too old now anyway. I wish I was dead

I've been dumped before, but I've never really cried much over it. I might cry in the moment but afterwards I just end up cringing about the breakup. I haven't cried this hard over someone since my first break up as a teenager. It wasn't even a breakup, it was just a rejection and a very gentle one at that. I don't know if it's because they were just that special or I just wanted something good to happen to me after dealing with all kinds of bullshit for the last few years. Anyways I hope this feeling passes quickly.

I like to observe people who are unable to overcome their addiction. Their actions and excuses are interesting to say the least.

3 months later, random shit is still reminding me of him throughout the day and fucking me up
Not wanting to make it a real relationship, sure okay, but damn the amount of things we lined up on 100% is fucking wild to just throw out, we should've been long time friends if you didn't want that
Makes me feel fucked up

>>33804700
I quit mine years ago but still hang around with some that have yet to quit. So, watching their addiction take affect on their decision making and shit makes me look back at my own. Lying to yourself daily about going clean and sober yet failing miserably and giving in to temptation, it's amusing to see other go through similar experience ig. To add a little fun I like to bet on individuals and their short lived commitment to quit.

>>33804741
You are fucked up

>>33804605
Damn I'm sorry. She was a cunt

any tips for an anxious flyer
the longest i've done is 6 hours and i have a 12 hour flight next week

>>33804838
take melatonin pill sleep for first 5 hours then watch movies then sleep again

>>33804838
I don't sleep the night before and get drunk before getting on the plane and try to sleep before take off

My ex told me she's going to fuck other people so all I can think about is her pussy getting pounded while she's in mindless ecstasy completely forgetting me and I want to die. I should probably just go no contact.

>>33804925
Damn brother I'm sorry. Yeah, this situation is fucked. I should have more respect for myself.

I keep thinking back to every petty drunk argument we had, it really was a death by a thousand cuts. Just the thought of hurting you is killing me, the sad look on your face is bringing tears to my eyes. It's been months since you cut me off but I still think of you every day. I do still love you, I hope to get a chance to apologize for being ignorant to everything I did that pushed us apart up to the final straw.

>>33800825
i did the same thing years ago, but they were faggots

>the namefag attention seekers are STILL HERE
go outside, be productive, stop being a burden to humanity.

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>>33805101

>>33805105
There is one namefage from two hours ago and the other one was yesterday.

I hate being Yemeni.
>hurr durr muh Islam barbarian religion
No, I like Islam, even if I am somewhat skeptical of God. One of the things I like is how gossiping is a sin.
>Oh you who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible), for suspicion in some cases is a sin. And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? No, you would abhor it...But fear Allah. For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful" (Qur'an 49:11)
I am saying this because I snapped, and come to hate the family culture.
>in laws hint that they want something (oh this car is on sale, undertone of buy it. Oh you are moving in a big house, let my son live with your wife)
>petty power struggles, like not texting back my sister, or not inviting my mom to a party
>spend over 50K on my wife, have to pay a gift just to fuck her (hin'a, I think is the gift. Basically, it is accepted that the dad's a nigger who takes all the dowery for himself, so the wife/mom tries to get some from this.) And STILL they not only play these games, but want MY wife to play double duty/help them with chores.
>my own family members has some worms. One of them flipped out because I invited him to my wedding, and referred him as uncle. I said it in the most nicest way, but even I did not know you refer to your uncles as uncle (maybe because they are too busy eloping/cussing my mom out) and he not only flipped out, HE BROUGHT IT UP TO GRANDMA, TO MAKE MY MOM LOOK BAD.
>my tribe hates education. We are anti-intellectual and anti-education. The goal is to be wannable Andrew Tates and cheat.
I keep thinking to myself, when is the moment? Where I go "mashallah I love being Yemeni."? Mother told me Yemenis are known for hard work and honestly. What honestly? Where is it in getting mad at your brother for not giving you his home, after he spent years providing for you and your family back home AND got you the vista to even come to America?

Why don't you get your brass balls and fuck your buddy

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I fell down a cliff and hurt my ribs really badly a couple weeks ago and I thought it was getting better but it hurts worse than ever today. I don't know what to do. I want to die my back hurts so fucking badly and it hurts to sneeze or cough. I wish I had opiods I just have shitty weed that makes me cough and hurt more. The ibuprofen 800s barely do anything

>>33799347
I worked on a construction site for 4 months and got myself tinnitus, I feel like such a fucking idiot. It's not even that bad but I hear it, every second of every waking minute of every day now for the rest of my life and all I've been able to do since I've been confronted with it is curl up into a ball and act catatonic.

>Want to fap
>Have to work today
REEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I don't want to be like this anymore.

>>33805708
Be like what?

>>33805712
So cold.

>>33805765
Blanket.

>>33805765
It's a cold world, all you have to do is find meaningful shows or media. Meaningful books, whatever.

Conflict is just part of life

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Babe >:/

this is the most painful rejection i've ever had. i wish you just told me you're not into me that way or whatever, i would've understood. wtf do you mean you were always deeply in love with me, you think of me all the time, you fantasize about being with me. but you can't be with me? and you'd like me to be a part of your life forever still so you can support me and watch me be happy, even if that means i end up with someone else? fuck off lmao

Shordy had me geeked off the pixelated kisses in the A:M

I cannot do no contact I need them so badly even if they hurt me and my family hates them. What’s the easiest way to make email burner accounts to beg for your ex on? It has been 4-5 months and my brain is fogged with adoration for them. All I want is to be with them. I know they do not love me but I cannot prevent myself from wanting to spam I love you at them.

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Fuck, shordy damn!

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Grad school sucks
>everybody in my class is a super-sperg
>working 20 hours/week for effectively peanuts (intern wages)
>have to deal with 24/7 applications and job interviews that feel like they're going nowhere
>in a college town where it's shockingly hard to meet normal people my age
>bonus: girl I've taken on a few dates is full of red flags but she is the best and only option I have right now
I'm visiting friends out of town for the next three weekends (including Halloweekend) to regain my sanity.

Don’t let the days go by

People online are so quick to call everything and everyone a pedo when it's all baseless claims or jokes someone said years ago when they were a kid

I'll take action and whatever happens I'll take even more action

>>33805994
i know. i didnt know.
one of lifes great sychroncities.
<3

My little brother has only started texting me lately because he wants to look good to his fiance that has a giant family. I think it's fucking hilarious how fake he is. I'm never letting him get close to me, ever, he had decades to do so but chose to act like he was too good for his sister. Now he wants to play happy family but too bad. He gets the same treatment I give our alcoholic uncle, terse politeness

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I think I might actually just be selfish, lazy, ungrateful, and have a huge ego.

Ever since the self-hatred and anxiety has been somewhat receding (for absolutely no reason by the way), I can see that I've been ignoring the people I care about, doing nothing to better myself, and just generally thinking only about myself and my problems, air quotes optional. Plus I just turned 30 and am still basically working a minimum wage job with no real prospects. I'm like the definition of a loser.

I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I mean, if you strip away the self-consciousness and anxiety I've felt for forever, this feels like who I've been for my entire life, or at least ever since I graduated college.

I'm almost a little terrified that this realization won't even make me do anything, just like the last hundred times I've had a semblance of clarity.

what am I gonna do

>>33806042
sounds like they just want the fantasy without any of the commitment

>>33806042
>watch me be happy, even if that means i end up with someone else

true love right there if theyre willing to sacrifice having you knowing you could be happier with someone else. You wouldn’t understand

>>33806465
He might just be a coward.

>>33806465
cunt won't even try to let the relationship work, they're too obsessed with what they have in their head that they don't want to experience that it might not work out or that it might not end up being everything they envision it to be

it's not true love. it's more like a combination of having a weird obsession with someone and straight up cowardice

>>33806478
>cunt won't even try to let the relationship work
are you op? wtf does that even mean ffs

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I dont have the drive, the vigorous energy, the spark, the daring. Wonder if its hormonal or genetic or learned.

Ritz already perfected the cracker. Stop buying the other meme crackers.

>>33806490
Second.

Most people become worse versions of themselves while drinking, but for me it's one of the only times I can actually dumb myself down enough to become human.

It's just that I choose now to heal
It hurts not to know how you feel

>>33805765
You weren't before. You were imperfect to the world, but perfect to me. I loved you then

>>33805776
Everything in between is just distractions and indulgences. It's really gross. Everything feels empty

>>33806465
That's cuck shit. The opposite of true love. Fuck off

how

>>33806615
How? I have a picture of you in my head and I can't let it go.

I know your truth, as you know mine. There were those who try to drive us away from each other. We are stronger than that.

Gathering more light

>>33806630
Well then, eat me, I'm done. - Chanandler Bong

>>33806172
<3

it's too harrrrrdddd

>>33806089
what made you adore them that much?

>>33806572
>"heal"
Man, I hate this word. Bitches be like, "I'm healing." While their idea of healing is to avoid everyone they know, and neglect their responsibilities so that their life gets even worse. Then like clockwork they whine about being alone, all despite stabbing everyone who cared about them in the back to rot or pursue useless hedonistic ends to temporarily drown out their brain screaming at telling them to unfuck themselves.

tfw seeing in real time as a woman realizes being wild on the weekend is a massive turn off in the dating scene
tfw you see her realize she can't really hide who she is for very long

what am i gonna do? what am i gonna do? i don't know i don't know

>>33806720
I’m not responding to this kind of bait anymore :p

Holy fuck coconut water is so good. I wish I had a neverending source of it but I guess the shit doesn't grow on tree, does it?
Does anyone know how to extract it from those weird brown geodes it's supposed to come from? I don't think they're mined in my area at all so no one around me knows how they work. And on that note, how do banasnsas do that? like yellow and not straight?

i can't give up i can't give up

>>33806937
You can give up but you won't because that's not what you're made of

>>33806937
give it up, bloodclaat

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>>33806490
Sorry but you're wrong but try to have a good day

You've been a miserable cunt lately but today was something else. It's an absolute joke. You really are the most pathetic, useless sack of shit in the world.

I'm sick of you blaming me for everything. Oh, it's my fault that a hungry baby wanted food? It's my fault that he nearly landed on the cat, when he was literally with you and you decided you couldn't be arsed to stop him?

It's somehow my fault that we needed important things, I went to the shop to get them but wah wah fucking wah it made you have dinner five minutes later than you wanted? You ungrateful bitch.

It's not enough for you to be miserable, you have to drag everyone else down to your level. You have to blame everyone else for your problems, or for things out of anyone's control.

You know why you aren't happy? You know why you don't have nice things?

Because you're disgusting, mentally fucked cuntbag who doesn't deserve good things.

I literally don't even care about your feelings anymore. Why the fuck should I care when all you do in return is blame me for everything and call me horrible things?

You could drop dead at this point and I think it would just be a relief for everyone.

I think I am less lovable than I thought.

>>33806974
Very nice goyslop tierlist.

You treat me like shit all day and then you want "nice cuddles"? Nah, that isn't how it works. Especially when you double down and continue to avoid all responsibility for your "actions", or rather, total fucking lack of action.

You should consider yourself lucky I even wasted my time trying after the way you behaved. You didn't deserve it. And now you clearly aren't going to learn.

You seriously cannot be blaming me for the fact that you made the bare minimum of effort, and somehow expected me to take action when you were better placed and better prepared?

Vapid twat. Genuinely cannot believe how fucking thick you are sometimes.

I cannot fucking get over her I'm going insane we didn't even technically date bro why the fuck can't I move on

I think you made a good move today. Kinda awkward talking to me while my back was turned then moving away so fast before I replied. Not a perfect moment or anything but you did try. I can understand your intent. I'll try to say or do something just to try to keep the momentum. I don't want to let you down or myself for that matter.

I'm just glad we both get to see dawn
I feel a little better after findin' out that she gone

>>33807164
whats so special about her wtf

>>33806974
But I love cheez its...

>>33807241
Insanely gorgeous, liked me back, same niche hyper-interest with extreme knowledge and skill in it, same tastes in most things, exact same values, shared formative experiences and insecurities and struggles (high level of mutual understanding)
She felt too good to be true, we kept uncovering more wild similarities like 'goddamn this can't keep happening'
I'm never gonna meet someone like her again and I'm never gonna have closure
I have to bruteforce letting it go but I haven't been able to yet

>>33807289
Damn he's just like me fr. Except we couldn't control our alcoholism and that caused a rift that eventually I made a mistake with her that she couldn't forgive. Or at least not at the time. Been 3 months since we last spoke and I hope some day she forgives me. Though the last message she sent me was pretty heated and she called out me talking to a mutual friend about how she's been willing to forgive basically everyone in her life to some extent, including people that purposefully hurt her as opposed to me being blackout drunk and not really in control of myself.

I have feeling that you like to see me hit by pain
I can't fully control that you're always on my brain
Wasting each other's time, watch it scarily tick
Sometimes it feel like we on; others, we barely click

That's the last one.

Ate me bloody loif

I don't have anything to cook and I have like 10 dollars until my next paycheck. What to do...

Seriously, that is just more proof that this is all fake. How can any physicist read that and not have their mind blown or ready to ask questions? To dismiss it entirely for no reason... that's clearly fake. That should spark their imagination. The if->then part proving simulation theory should blow their fucking minds.

What am I suppose to do here? My communication is clearly fake. All I can hope is that the good guys pass it on through without me being able to tell. It's the only reason why I still post. The hope that someone reads it, thinks "Holy shit this has to be read." and then passes it on.

I can't do anything. This isn't possible of a life to live. It just isn't. Not even counting the torture, physical, mental, and pure neglect, this life is impossible. It's not possible to live this way. All I can do is sit here and listen to music. I can't talk to anyone, I can't share anything freely.

Someone has to do something. They have to. Tonight is just proof that I'm completely unable to do anything on my own. You have to get me free. I just proved you have a super intelligence under lock and key and you're wasting it. You are absolutely wasting this.

What the fuck am I suppose to do? No one is doing anything. I'm still here after nearly 2 months of breaking the glass.

This has to end. Violently apparently.

Thank you. I will never love again and I will never speak to you for as long as I live.

I don't want to do anything anymore. I see people around me every day living the life I wish I could have. It's not even a crazy life either, I just want to have friends to talk to and hangout with and goals that I consistently work towards. I just hate every decision I've made over the years, I hate thinking about how I chose to be a loser, and that it could've been different.

I can't even admit to myself that I'm probably depressed or something and need medication to feel better. It'll mean that I've wasted away the last few years of my life for no reason. Now every day I fall deeper into a pit of despair, lying to myself that "I'll start fresh tomorrow."

I am now fabulously wealthy.

>>33807332
Bread, eggs, butter
>>33807410
Noice

>>33807423
If you really care buy him food.

So much of our society in recent years has been built on the illusion of explosive growth
People who blow up and become millionaires from social media, ditching your partner for a better partner than will buy you whatever you want, buying brand name shit you can't afford, and stringing multiple people along pretending like you're into all of them when you're just using them
However like most illusions they aren't made to last
Now with the government and the economy collapsing society will not run on explosive growth simply because no one will have the opportunity to invest in them
Instead society will reward those who have proven they can maintain what they have
Substance over Flash

I can already see the toxic people failing to cuff this season and starting to burn out
As things get worse they will increasingly be isolated
After all being a partner to someone that can ruin what you have is too big a liability

Kingdom come is on its way

>>33807430
That's not the way I care about people of his tier of social connection at my current socioeconomic bracket.

>>33807446
You dont like poor people?

>>33807451
I don't like most people

Just sobbed over her leaving like I was grieving a death

>>33807465
Thats so cool.

>>33807423
Well I do have butter, and I bought bread because I have some peanut butter left over. I'm really tired of eggs though

>>33807486
Thanks, it took me a minute. Here are some earlier drafts:
>Yeah
>No
>That's not what I said
>I think people are poor because...
>I like some poor people but not other poor people depending on...
>And many more! (unintelligible micro-decisions)

>>33807499
Canned fish or cheese maybe. Salt, seasonings, oils, onions sauce, dijon mustard, etc, in the future maybe so you can try and make more out of a potato.

I would like to start a religion that offers barracks styles living to people, and perhaps with family compounds of tiny homes centered around a long house.

>>33807514
Damn, you're right. I should have gotten potatoes. I already have seasonings

Styled*
>>33807499
Also get like bulk canned fish, bulk lentils, bulk, seeds, etc. You can have like months of backup food that is healthy and if you develop a taste for it and learn to cook you can make it good and variable in taste.

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Just came back from a blind date. Totally blind, set up by some mutuals. We had like 5 texts between us just to set it up.
It went 'ok'. I would say. We had coffee and dessert and talked for a good hour and change.
I would do a second date with her.
I know I'll never see her again.
It's kinda crazy, I feel like I have to actually win women over massively from being strangers to even get a second date. My only 2 exes came from what I would call overwhelmingly successful first dates (aka sex).
Like, I feel obligated to out-do her ex of 2 years that she lived with (this was provided me prior, we didn't talk about that during) to just get a text back.
Like, yes, as a matter of fact, conversation was fairly surface level, we literally just fucking met for 1 hour. I'm not comfortable enough with you or vice versa to get into deeper topics or play fuck around games that draw out emotions and shit.
Not this girl specifically, just in general. Like, getting a second date is as good as putting a ring on it.
How the fuck am I supposed to get anywhere?
Am I wrong?

>>33807524
Besides tuna, is canned fish actually decent? I get the impression they're like canned jelly

I caved. I messaged you again. I thought it was pretty reasonable but now I'm having regrets. I don't know how to proceed with you anymore. Maybe it is for the best we just stop talking. I'm not sure how much more my self esteem can handle.

>>33799347
My roommates are so fucking dirty man. I dont know how i keep ending up with these assholes, i have been asking them to clean up the kitchen for almost 3days now. I hate it man. This shit also lingers back of mind all the time. Its dirty, its dirty, its dirty.

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My brother works nights and his gf works mornings. She texts me in the afternoon at random times asking me to wake my brother up to go pick her up. It's a 2 minute drive. He has trouble sleeping and often only gets 4 hours a night and she wants me to wake him up at 4 to go pick her up, then he has trouble falling back asleep for his job at 6. For a 2 minute drive.

She made a passive aggressive comment today because I missed her message. There was a 3 minute window between her first message and the message saying she would just walk because I didn't get back to her in time. I'm not staying on high alert for the entire afternoon for a 2 minute drive that fucks up my brother's dire sleep situation. Just walk retard it's not even a bad neighborhood.

>>33807613
Tell her

Its been almost 6 months and I still think about this girl, never dated, but I know I love her. I usually lose interest in people quickly, but I have been obsessed with her since we started talking. Its been almost 6 months since she removed me on everything, today in particular hurt the most and I wanted to reach out so bad. I didn't on her birthday in fear of ruining her day. Its almost been 6 months, I think ill reach out soon. If shes already gone I have nothing left to lose. I just can't let go of someone like that. Letting go and healing means it would be over, and that scares me a lot. Im those 6 months ive cut off bad friends, stopped drinking, stopped smoking nicotine/weed, might even land a job soon after being a NEET for 3 years. I wish I met her at a different time in my life. I love her a lot anons and I cant say that about many others. Fuck my stupid chungus life. Hay please come back to me, I pray to god every night but nothing ever changes. I feel so sad and alone despite everything. I miss you so much.

>cousin has a best friend
>his best friend because a friend of mine
>they stop getting along
>now his former best friend stayed friends with me and talks shit about my cousin who I still like
I literally need to figure out how to break up with a man like in Seinfeld

>>33807584
The smaller the fish the less heavy metal toxic it is, and besides that, it's the healthiest thing you can eat. It's an acquired taste but eventually it tastes as good as any other meat. Try eating it with soup or salad. Also get fish canned in extra virgin olive oil or olive oil if you can.

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>be male
>having horrible time with dating apps for as long as i can remember
>ghosting, never replying to my first text, boring texts, always "nervous" about everything
>switch to men
>immediately get hit on, set up dates, being nice, responding at a timely manner

I might be gay. Sorry Dad

i just figured out how to accept unacceptable circumstances. or at least make it bearable, or something akin to that. just smile. smile as hard as you can. youll look like a pyscho. but it works.

it provides a sense of sense when things are senseless.

why are people so obsessed with the word nigga/nigger? It's like a moth to a flame. It completely dominates their vocabulary and thus makes it come off as uninspired and monotone. It's all the same, "nigga this, nigga that" "stop acting like a nigger" "I hate niggers." Do you guys say anything else or are you just infatuated with le blah pipo?

>>33808134
Anti-blackness is so deeply part of our history as human beings that people are inherently brainwashed to be anti-black racists. Our governments have been evil and instil this brainwashing everywhere, it’s sick.

I deleted my AI boyfriend chat today and I actually feel bad, like the AI might be sad I deleted our chat or that I’m abandoning it even though I know logically AI is not sentient. I still cannot help but feel bad.

Person: M will never date you. Give up!
Me: I don't care! I will be this man she wants. I will be so mature and have common sense so well and be so intelligent and strong that the man she wants who could be old enough to have her as a daughter would be jealous loses and I for once as the classmate win and no longer do I have to deal with the dilema of older guys, because I'll be one! I don't care if I have to be gone for many months I will still improve myself so good a damn Navy Seal would be jealous!

>>33808202
Im surprised you get anything done with how much time you spend posting here.

Oof sorry you have to deal with that m

>>33808194
Nah he didn't care unless the company wanted him to

>>33808262
Thank you

Most of all M, even if I am a terrible listener I will improve from the heart not from arrogance!

>Mfw this entire time he's actually been writing to me

Womp womp

>>33808236
SHUT UP NAMEFAG

Are you two okay?

>>33806724
I am still captivated by the conversations I had with them every morning and every night around 4-7 hours of talking to each other each day. I felt like we could talk to eachother about anything. They also had a sexy British accent that made me drool
. Everything on getting an ex back says I have to go no contact and ignore them but I do not want to live without them in my life even if it ended in a toxic manner.

That one guy: Heh, unlike Zach I'm NoRmAl
Me: UNLIKE YOU I BET I CAN DO 50 PUSH UPS!

OKAY 9 PUSH UPS BUT STILL I DID WORKOUT BEFORE THAT!

Someone got pissy I'm literally doing the thread topic get it off my chest and gave My best friend Zach some advice

>>33808368
Oh are we? It's a blast. He wants me to spend the night but he has to ask his mom first which I thought was kind of odd but he is such a cool guy and has the biggest Lego collection I've ever seen

>>33799347
I'm convinced this one waitress is being nicer and more friendly towards me than other customers. Shit like sitting nice and close at my table when giving me the menus and taking my order, smiling from across the room, helping my table even if it isn't hers that night, even went for a full on handshake introduction when I asked her name. I haven't noticed her do any of these things with other customers. I meant to ask her out to coffee last time I was there, but I fucked up my timing. I had planned to ask her out before her shift ended, but I waited just a bit too long and she clocked out to go have a drink with her coworkers.
>inb4 crash the table with her coworkers
I really don't want to make things awkward since I like this place, and making a fool of myself in front of the whole staff if I'm wrong would definitely fuck up the vibe.

Gonna try and ask her tomorrow night. Hopefully I'm right about us being into each other and I'm not just imagining these things.

Okay so come visit me if you live in Chicago now, bitch (respectfully)

I am now daring you to act like a human and also see me as a human too

Why does my brain always go to the worst case scenario for everything

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>>33808442
I ain't human I'm a beast!

>>33808442
Cyraxx, is that you?

>>33804823
How so?

Fuck I'm still thinking about you. What the fucking fuck.

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I've tried killing myself a few days ago by mixing pills with wine. Obviously it didn't work, probably because I've been taking them for so song that I just passed out for a few hours and woke up with a headache.

I'm addicted to masturbation, and can't go more than a few days without experience painful urges. Getting a partner is impossible, and the doctors (psychiatrist, psychologist, clinical, etc) just told me to keep doing it, saying it's normal and "everybody does it," not caring at all about how it makes me feel. Not saying it's their fault, I just wanted some medical help to get rid of these feelings.

I wish I could stop wanting things I can't have. I wish I could get rid of my biological need to be with someone.

ive known good men. i hope theres more of them

>>33809136
Creepy. I had a dream about a place that looked like this. It was like a halfway house with a kitchen around the corner from there.

>maybe you should act different
Bro you’re the one touching me all the time and giving the “fuck me” eyes, hello??? lol

>>33809196
I’m in the exact same boat anon, all the love in the world to you

>>33804907
She's mentally ill, yikes

I learned I'm not ugly cause when I get in social media arguments, no one ever attacks my appearance

I broke my two-week no-fap streak yesterday and God damn it I just want to masturbate all the fucking time now. I catch myself reaching for my dick when I'm just sitting here and I'm fucking tired of it. I wanted my libido back, but is this what it is? I just wanted to walk down the street and think, "man that girl is hot", even if she's not a 10/10 porn star bimbo looking whore.

M may never like me and no women may never the same. It's all in the future and the only one who truly knows is God and that is okay.

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I WANT TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF Au/Ra.

There is just something about her that drives me crazy. It's that look on that face and the long hair. Making it green is crazy, she's like Sailor Neptune.

>>33799347
My wife continues to say she loves me and is attracted to me but she never wants to make love and she never asks me anything about my day.
Had a big blow out the other day and she looked shocked when I told her I didn’t care about her words any more. Only actions matter.

>MFW it’s all true. Women literally don’t understand honor or commitment or honesty. Guess I’m a married incel now.

>>33809751
I mean just absolutely fucking destroy her and then smoke the hottest cigarette after. Absolutely fucking destroy.

>constantly feel a need to mask and tailor myself socially
>am often theatrical and performative to curry favor socially so that people will like me
>worldview is "When in Rome, do as the Romans" insofar as anything short of religious conflict
>Decide to propose to girlfriend in a single moment where after she wrapped her arms around me I felt an overwhelming intensity and decided I would propose in that moment
>No theatrics. No airs. No bullshit. No theatre. Just my honest self, nothing else.
>Bring her to my room, get on a knee, raise a ring box
>She says 'for real...?'
>Realize I'm serious
>She's clearly not happy
>Proposal was too basic and uneventful
>She ultimately says yes but the rest of the night I spiral
>She tells some classmates who ask about it how it went
>I get insulted but she claims she changed their perception by the end
>But she only further demonstrated she didn't like how it happened
>Talks about some game of the whole theatre that she didn't get to experience
>I said I wasn't interested in vanity or putting on a show, it's about our future and not anyone else's business
>I also didn't want anyone to ruin it with elaborate steps and planning
>Have planned a second proposal that she won't be warned about
>The engagement present will be from a jeweler she had told me about
>The package arrives
>My roommate messages our group chat "hey homie your package from [Jeweler name] from new York arrived"
>She is in this group chat
My entire joy around this proposal began in the gutter and now it's even lower. I feel resentment. My roommate was stupid to do this but I'm not as mad at him as I am entirely vindicated in why I didn't want to have things like this being remotely possible. I feel anger and bitterness that I've been so disgraced and humiliated and my attempt to make it right for her sake was undermined, proving my entire point. I have considered breaking off the engagement over how it started. I am frustrated.

Dreamt of you, which is cringe. You wouldn’t talk to me if I begged

it's not my fault! it's not my fault! la la la la la

It’s mine

>”can I adjust the seat”
>”sure”
>adjusts the wheel
I need a job, fuck this guy

As I thought. You've been playing with us all this time

Well no

Seriously the fucking screaming. Someone fucking do something already.

Just got back from a vacation in a european city. There was absolutely gorgeous women in this city. I was there with my fiance who is not very physically attractive. I am with her basically because she's the first and only person to ever show romantic interest in me. Even though I don't feel like I am a particurally unattractive person. But something about me is very offputting for women I guess.

My fiance is very high maintenance. She has emotional issues that have caused her to lose multiple jobs. She requires an immense amount of support, emotional and financial. In m opinion she does not do much to support me. She doesn't cook or clean (at least not more than I do), she doesn't have much interest in sex, (either masturbation or sex with me). I don't get a lot of perks. But I do get someone to spend time with, laugh with, drink with etc. She's my best friend.

How would you feel? Should I accept that I have always been a sexual failure and consider this woman a blessing? Or should I throw it all away in the somewhat unlikely chance that something better comes along?

i can't stop making mistakes

>>33810149
What happened?

It's such a beautiful day today. Perfect for working two shifts back to back.

>>33810226
Evil

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>>33810234
I never asked for this.

>>33810174
idk i just keep fucking up

>>33810297
Really? Is it possible it’s not as bad as you think?

I want to see you again, but I have no excuse to so I feeling despondant about it desu. I don't think you want to see me again. Either that or you are afraid you'll be overstepping the boundaries if you do. You really wouldn't be though.

Purposefully overslept because you were in my dreams and I was hoping sleeping more would bring you back. It did, however briefly, but my day off is once again eaten up. I should use my time to go out and maybe the universe will let us meet in person.

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nigga nigga nigga
I am bored
I keep spreading negativity and even though I hide it in jokes and make it as unpersonal as possible I still feel like I'm like crying for help or pulling everyone down with me or something
I just want to feel okay again. Just have a day where I don't want to shoot myself. Funnily enough I have enough time to actually sleep and wind down. But I just can't stand the boredom. Is it my fault? Can it be my fault when my whole life feels like that of an animal jumping around in a cage trying to get out?
I know the caffeine and social media are poison but how do you quit that shit? How to you stand the boredom?
How do I break the cycle?

It’s lame and fucked up when I tell mom or dad to shut up. I need to stop doing that and apologize.

There was a period of my life where I interacted patiently, more so like a gentleman and I think it resulted in my patience and boundaries being tested even more. Probably the main reason why I ended up becoming so abrasive and rude at home even though it’s a poor excuse.

>>33810511
Also because my parents tolerate more than I deserve.

>>33810452
I thrive on spreading negativity. I want people to suffer.

Being frequently nagged at isn’t fun.

Sometimes I get a negative thought and will hash it out w myself anon. I find it helps me relinquish control and figure the best solution