After about a week of no contact, this girl (she broke up with me on 10/4), after stalking all of my usual locations, found me at the library at 1:30 in the morning this most recent Sunday. She'd had a week long crash out apparently. She'd been crying, hadn't gone to class, canceled a trip to Chicago, just was going through it in my absence. I knew the play here would be to go back to my place (7 Principles and whatnot), but she said she couldn't because her roommate has her location and would give her hell for it. I should've done the "Well, it's been a long night" thing that you teach, but I didn't. My mistake, but I thought that the extenuating circumstances here were such that straying from the path was acceptable. I suspect it was not.Anyway, we went out to a fast food joint, made out in her car, walked around a parking lot, and had a great time. I told her I was indifferent as to whether we got back together or not because, while I do want to make this work, I had a great time with her while we were together and I'll cherish the memories even if she decides she wants to stay broken up. If you ask me, the whole night was great. Like an 8 or 9 out of 10. My only error (that I can see) was that when she brought up the fair that was in town, I suggested we could go. She said that'd be "backsliding" and I dropped it. At about 5:30 that morning, she dropped me back off at my car and we went our separate ways. It's now Wednesday morning, and I haven't heard from her since. I haven't called or texted because as I understand it we aren't back together and the no contact rule still applies. My questions are these: Why haven't I heard from her? What's she thinking right now? If/When she does reach back out, what's the play generally and what specifically should I do if she brings up the location thing again? Thank you
>>33809972Brother she came back to get a taste so she can move on easier. You gave her the knowledge that she can have you if she wants to have you again. She felt like she lost you and therefore lost the power to have you. You must understand that for a girl this is a great narcissistic injury. All of those frat girl summer movies didn't lie to you - girls need to feel desired is like the top thing in their life. If a girl feels like she can't have something - that's a great injury and something she will go to great lengths to amend. You comforted her and essentially took her back for a time. It eased her anxiety, until she was strong enough to tell YOU that you'd be "backsliding" if you went to the fair together. You were thoroughly played and you took the bait. She is clear about not wanting you and you simply helped her see that she didn't lose anything and can have you at any time. Now that the power is back in her control, her anxiety is reduced and she's able to move on much easier. You've served your time, you've done your part. She just used you to move on. Now, actually move on. And don't see her anymore. This shift in power is what she wants. Don't give it, this game isn't for you. Move on for true this time.
>>33810001Understood. Those are good points. However, I told her when she broke up with me that she knew where to find me if she wanted to make things work. She told me she loved me and missed me and was devastated by all this, and just needed time to think. She always had the power because I made it clear from day one that I wanted to make things work. How are things different now?
>>33809972Jesus Christ man, this is why I hate women. Literally just using men, trying to use you. At least you’re indifferent to it an it’s not torturing you. It would be torturing meBy the way brand new is based
>>33810014No. It's fucking torturing me. I just said I was indifferent because I didn't want to seem desperate.
>>33810018Well in that case she’s definitely using you/taking advantage of you unfortunately. It sounds like the ball’s in her court though and since she’s not responding, threes not too much else you can do. Especially when she’s just fucking stalking you and showing up to wherever you are randomly. How long were u 2 together?
>>33810028I was her first boyfriend. I'm 24 and she's 23. We started talking in March, started dating over the summer (we saw each other three times because we're both in school but had internships in different cities). She'd barely kissed anyone before me, and had never done anything else. She pretty clearly had not been out on a date that went poorly (she was not done up). We were dating exclusively for about three months and change.
>>33810032Damn. Well you’re being generous with giving her any second of your time after SHE left YOU. I can see why you’re her first boyfriend if she’s breaking up with a good guy for no reason. Been thereYou already gave her several chances, I just don’t know what more you can do man
>>33810043My issue is that I don't know what to do here. When we were broken up, no contact was the obvious play. But now I don't know. I didn't reach out the morning after because I kind of wanted her to. But she didn't. It feels like I'm dug in too deep to contact her now, and I don't want to give her the power.
>>33810063I’ve always heard of this no contact thing but this was always the default for me. Like do some people keep talking after they broke up? Jesus I wish I had that lmao I just got blocked foreverAnyways, if she is putting 0 effort in and is only around you or talking to you when it’s convenient for her, she’s trying to use you. I’d say limit her if you can and since you’re in college, maybe scout out new girls or maybe fuck one to get your mind off her. I can’t say because im not in college but yeah. Or you know what you could lay all the cards out on the table and just be like “what do you want?”
>>33810065I think some people just beg and plead and blow up their ex's phone trying to get them back, or they agree to stay friends. No contact is the default advice for getting the ex back.
>>33809972She's using you as a crutch to transition to the next guy. >She'd had a week long crash out apparently. She'd been crying, hadn't gone to class, canceled a trip to Chicago, just was going through it in my absence. She either took new dick in that time or was lining up new dick. She went back to you to see if she was going to have a safe option if it didn't work out, but seems like it did. Hope you learned your lesson and just go no contact immediately. >She's not like that!They're all like that, especially the ones you'd least suspect. Don't take it personally, this is just how they are and why you as a man need to be strong and resist.
>>33810285She's literally never dated anyone before me. I highly doubt that after going through four years at an American state school and not even hooking up with a guy that she's going to line up new dick in seven days.
>>33809972I won't read your stupid saga. Make a concise request for advice next time.
>>33810285Trvke
>>33810292>She's literally never dated anyone before me.Or so she tells you
>>33810007>How are things different now?They aren't different, this information changes nothingBecause the same result happenedShe reached out, she soothed her anxiety by feeling powerful to have you again, and once she was in control she said the magic words - I don't want to go to the fair because we would be "backsliding"She told you clearly and to your face that she's discarding you again right after using you again. I'm not saying your gf is selfish as an all-including and final determination, but I am saying that the way she's behaving right now - is right about the most selfish way a person CAN behave. Don't feed into it. I saw my ex after she went away for 2 and a half more months before I cut it off because all she wanted is sex so she can stay satisfied while she's moving on, but she didn't want to get back together. I have wasted my time and played myself and with my own heart. Then I initiated no contact and my life got better about half a year after that. So don't make my mistake, move on. Yes, girls use you, evil people exist. Your ex that was is still a sweetie. Those moments and feelings were real - and those memories are true. But the person infront of you now is not her. It is a different person. That is the way that I was able to still be at peace and in love with my ex that was, and not denounce a part of me. By remembering the good that was and cutting her up into two people - the one from before she cheated on me and the one from after. Best of luck buddy
>>33810292>She's literally never dated anyone before me. I highly doubt that after going through four years at an American state school and not even hooking up with a guy that she's going to line up new dick in seven days.Hahahahahahahaha I called itThe sooner you rid yourself of the delusion the sooner you'll stop being hurt by it. Be grateful you're experiencing the disillusionment of "never yours, just your turn" without marriage or babies involved and being young enough to find someone new.
>>33809972They do this. Careful of taking them back after breaking up because women will go back just to be vindictive and cause you pain.
>>33809972Only read the first and last paragraph, she sounds like you need to get the fuck away from her
>>33809972Damn bro your ex slopped around with you long enough to feel better about herself then bounced? Crazy completely unexpected.Who do you think she is fucking right?
>>33810358>>33810453>>33810464>>33810285Let's assume just for the sake of argument that she hasn't already fucked someone else. Because if that's the case I don't want her back. On the off chance that she hasn't fucked another guy, even if she did use me as a crutch and for comfort and all of that, how do I get her back for good?
>>33809972>I told her I was indifferent as to whether we got back together or notI like how you recognize the significance of this off-hand comment, which is jab into the gut of someone that clearly likes you enough to "stalk you", in your own words, then say>Why haven't I heard from her?It's probably because you told this girl that you're not interested in her. Duh... I guess other anons didn't read your post thoroughly?If you sincerely feel indifferent towards her, then isn't she doing you a favor by ignoring you? Instead of playing these footsie childish games of "oh I don't know, maybe I like you, maybe not..." If she still even cares about you at this point (doubtful, I bet she became very angry because she liked you and you tossed her to the side "indifferently"), then at best she is giving you back the exact coldness you gave her.
>>33811292>how do I get her back for good?You...don't? It's over broski, I'm sorry but you have to move on. If it didn't work out, there were reasons for it ending the way it did. You're only gonna waste future opportunities to find someone better if you keep hanging on, and setting yourself up for hurt if she finds someone else and you find out. Forget about any story you've heard about exes getting back together. In almost every one of those cases one party is settling which fucks the power dynamic and it's not the fated storybook romance they make it out to beFind a new girl, or better yet just go lone wolfing it for a while. Women come and go, you're stuck with yourself for the rest of your life.
I'm sorry that in your specific situation that you are going through this. With my ex personally I know that it's best not to judge the in between like that, I have faith that things work out perfectly for me and her together
>>33811540I don't listen to demoralization campaigns like this because my relationship with her is completely outside of others negative stories and projections of their own issues and regurgitated tales of woe they're typically only told in self-interest. .I simply ignore that and have faith in her, trust her just as she has faith and trust in me.
>>33811292Cut off her legs and lock her in a wheelchair.
>>33810299I liked the story.
>>33811563>>33811567Idiot cuck You couldn’t do better and call it “love” and “trust,” you don’t even love or trust yourself
