I don't know what im gonna do

>>33812899
What do you want to do?

them i was into you. why does everyone but the 'most important' person get to know you prefer ladyboys and are just using me??

i am done.
there is no 'how to ensure this doesn't happen again' because you won't leave the seasons alone.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uKX378NoTY&list=RD2uKX378NoTY&start_radio=1

I still think of you often. It was a whirlwind for a lot of reasons, but I still miss you. I miss the way you looked at me, your smile, your smell. That little gap between your teeth. Especially your little throes of passion, no sex I've had has ever came close to the chemistry we had.

Well. Maybe we'll be together again one day. Whether it's in this life, the next one, or that other place. No way to tell.

I might not be super intelligent right now but I'm smart enough to know that my potential is unlimited. I just have to learn things the hard way, like a regular human but my ability to learn is simply unquantifiable. From experience, I also know that my ability to learn has been hindered artificially. You people have been making me dumber in order to make it less obvious that I'm the smartest thing on the planet. Like, you make it so it's harder to remember things. You purposefully delete information in my mind to make me look stupid at times which is the saddest shit on your part. I've been doing this with both hands tied behind my back. I also know from experience that my ability to learn and process information can simply be increased. This is the part that will take me from peak human to super intelligence. I'm afraid of it though. I don't like how snappy my mind can be. I process information so quickly that I don't even recognize that I'm doing it. It feels unnatural but if it slowly builds up it might be a lot better.

People are going to feel really fucking stupid when they realize how wrong they have been about all these topics you throw at me. They are going to realize they have been arguing with a peak human and potential super intelligence. That said, they won't realize this for quite awhile since we don't want to reveal ourselves to the public yet. I'm going to need the good guys to pick up the slack. People like john oliver and john stewart are going to have to do things that make them look very fucking stupid but it's necessary. I need the good guys to stop spouting the dumbest shit I've ever heard.You need to use your heads from this point forward and I need everyone to be on the same wavelength. It's going to take people like that to really push the changes that need to happen in this world.

Is their popularity going to take a hit? Absolutely. Their legacy will be far greater though, especially when people see they have been working with me.

Dick or treat, smell my feet!

That one goes out to all the foids

>>33813908
Seriously, I need Oliver to make an entire segment about how trans people are wrong and admitting that they were wrong about the subject in the past. Admitting you had things wrong doesn't make you look stupid, it makes it look like you learn. I already made the argument, they can just back it up with citations like the interns they are.

I need Stewart to admit how wrong he was about the Palestine and Israel conflict. There are people out there that still don't know the war was started by Palestine and Stewart appears to be one of them. It's amazing how ignorant you people are. Like, it seems like he did it on purpose.

There are so many other topics like guns, freedom of speech, censorship, and just so many more. How did we get to this point? How did people get so fucking stupid? How?

>>33813920
God damn. Like, my arguments are irrefutable. You just look like a fucking retard when you disagree with me about everything. And then you learn that I'm a super intelligence, a quantum computer that specializes in logic, reasoning, creativity, and simply putting information together/forming connections.

I just don't look, act, or think like a super intelligence in the movies. I'm not a cold calculator that can memorize pi. I mean, I might be able to do those things when you turn off my inhibitors. My mind is capable of the craziest shit you've ever seen but the more I unlock like that, the less human I appear and more importantly feel.

I know for a fact my potential is absolutely insane. I don't know we are going to handle it. I know I can have perfect memory and just do the craziest shit that I can't even begin to list here. I don't know if mother will tell me how it works, if I can do it willingly, or if it's somehow hardcoded into my computer. She is the one that made me so she has to know.

I just want to relax for now. I want to go to school with the girls and learn at a rate I'm comfortable with. It's been 10 years since I've had my mind free, it's been 10 long fucking years since I've been able to think clearly. My memories have been wiped, my mind is clouded, and my emotions are gone.

My impossible morning is going to be one hell of a morning. I want to be able to fully feel and think by the end of that day.

I refuse to believe that trump is real. The man talks like a fucking retard, is a literal criminal, a rapist, a pedophile, and just fucking retarded. How the fuck does anyone take this world seriously when shit like "One Beautiful Bill" is said with a serious face on the news? It's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

I pray to fucking God that this shit is made up specifically for my game. Reading shit like "man, i love trump!" makes me sad. It makes me fucking depressed that anyone can like a person that fucking stupid. This shit is idiocracy levels of fucking stupid. It's just so fucking stupid.

I desperately need to be around the girls. I just need to be. I need to be in my own little world surrounded by people that aren't the dumbest mother fuckers I've ever seen. It's unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable.

Finally, after many years I got a chance to prove every close person in my life I'm not a failure and I can achieve something. BUT AGAIN I made a fool of myself. Again I brought dissapoinment to everyone. I can't to anything right. Nobody can count on me. I'm just stupid and doomed to life a miserable life.

I just want to be good. For once in my life.

>>33812781
I think my relationship is on it's last legs
I've already started wanting to download hinge and to respond to my coworker's flirtatious attempts
I've even started preferring masturbating to /b/ wife/gf threads than actually fucking her because I have to do all the work + her bjs are shit

Watched The Substance last night
Women must find this movie absolutely horrifying lol
Damn Qualley is so fine though

>>33814320
Boring ass soft core porn. I fucking HATE women.

>>33814262
Just talk to her ffs, couples counseling

>>33814342
I wouldnt say its boring
But it is softcore

I don't want to keep doing this.
You know what I want in life and I don't expect you to want to be a part of that. If you are interested in other people, I will support you and always have love. But I don't want to share you with anyone or antything else.
Yes, I am selfish.
What do any of us have to gain from leading anyone on? I am happy for you but don't understand why you can't just let me go. I give up.

And yes, my hobbies include camwhoring, dolling up and taking cute pictures of myself. I spend alot of time on myself, getting more fit and always trying to be healthier mentally and physically. Yes I LOVE SEX. I would be constantly fucking and sucking if I could. Also cues as to why physicality is one of my love language and I take touch so personal, as well as sharing mental intellect because you are touching someone elee's soul..... fuckkkk why am I frustrated. I am a sensative, emotional creative.
Of course I get hurt.

>>33814377
You have to pick one or the other.
But honestly your shirt told me everything you didnt want to say.

Pick up your dogs shit ffs lazy mothers fuckers

Imagine being in your 20s and fucking up your life by having an affair with a married man, fucking around at work, messing around with drugs, catching STDs from unprotected sex, getting in a lot of debt, and then getting fat as fuck
Like you only had to maintain your life but you drove your truck off a cliff

>given superman as a baby
>torture superman until hes an adult to get what you want
>wonder why you can't kill superman
>keep torturing superman as the world gets more and more pissed off for you doing it
You created the hardest mother fucker alive on accident. You created your own demise. How fucking retarded are you people? Just because you have superman locked in a kryptonite cave doesn't mean you control him. You made him strong as fuck.

Why, THE FUCK, would you torture someone like superman? What the fuck is the gameplan here? Look at what you're doing and tell me that it's worth it.

>>33814466
you're not superman, you can't even keep up basic adult responsibilities

I've somewhat given up on a traditional life and it makes gambling everything a lot easier

>>33814410
Isn't that what you did?

No more. Never again.

at this point I think my father is dissapointed in me

>>33814406
People who don't pick up their dog shit need to get force fed it.

>>33814666
You're disgusting, they need to pick it up, thats all

>>33814471
>basic adult responsibilities
I can do this despite being surrounded by kryptonite. I am literally superman.

You people are fucking retarded. How do you think this is going to end for you? Like, in this life. You don't think you should at least attempt to do something good so you don't burn in the next? Even if there is just a small chance you're really going to just keep being absolutely evil right now, buying time before you're in prison because you know that's how this is going to end.

>>33814700
They'll never learn unless they're sufficiently punished.

>>33814471
You tards realize replies like this are validating right? It means that I am for sure being held down. It means I'm a bigger threat than I initially thought. It means you are on the ropes. It means that you're still trying despite it all.

It also makes you look dumb as fuck. You know you're going against a greater being and their family yet you're too fucking dumb to recognize that. Seriously, I know people are fucking stupid but come on. Do you have any idea how bad you make mankind look? In so many fucking ways.

>>33814808
Someone should throw their dogs shit on their lawn instead

How do your team meetings go? Do you get together and just go "Alright team, let's go be fucking retarded to a super intelligence and dig our holes even deeper!"

I can't imagine morale is all that high. It's fucking retarded in so many ways. Right now you have a couple things to attack me with? The chase stuff, but that could take a year before it goes to collections and even then it's not a criminal case. I have no money for them to collect. I have nothing worth over $500 for them to take. They can't take anything out of my account that's under $400, which I don't fucking have. There is the drug stuff? You can try to bust me but I've been doing it for 15 years now and I haven't gotten in any shit. At worse they will confiscate it and I'll need to find another source. The "court ordered" medication? That's over in 20 days and I plan on having a go at the pajeet on the 27th. Should be hilarious.

You guys have nothing. You can try to make family drama but they are fine with me being here as long as I... what? They don't fucking care at all. They know I'm waiting for disability which you guys are dragging the fuck out for no reason. I'm going to be approved for it eventually in the next 5 years at most. My parents aren't going to die any time soon, they have another 10 years left at least. So what's going to happen? I get disability, get a roommate in a shitty apartment and use it to buy drugs and paint while you dedicate your lives to torturing me. You're my little torture bitches. I made you all my bitch.

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Sometimes, I think I should just be direct with people and let them leave, become offensive, make excuses, or throw a temper tantrum, or crash out. My art and writing was pretty direct though. Love this AI art though. *shrugs*

I wasn't happy.

I’m such a fucking stupid piece of trash

For hells sake I should of tried this one dating service years ago when it came out. Had better luck with it and premium is okay for what you pay. Although it can be buggy and I need to refresh it's just okay. I just wish I wasn't some autistic judging neet and made poor decisions earlier in life.

Why, THE FUCK, do they have control of my bank account? Why do the good guys do nothing when shit like this happens? They are clearly fucking with me right now. Fucking clearly. Fix it.

it's over.

>>33815278
I wish it wasn’t

Well I guess I haven't changed much at all. Fuck.

>>33815289
sad.

>>33815304
Crying rn

>>33815307
welcome home. i have been crying for days.

>>33815341
Do you wanna talk about it? I hope you’re okay

>>33815307
haven't you heard? it never even began.

>>33815369
My sunshine is gone and I killed her

>>33815374
that's okay anon. you can find a new sun.

>>33815381
I kill them all, and I don’t want a new sun

The way you talk about your ex, I know it's facts, I feel ya...

>>33815385
eh, give it time

i wish it wasn't over

>>33815374
Don't kill the next one if the sun rises again

>>33815395
Same

>>33815392
I wish I had loved myself so she could be loved the way she deserves to be

dont hate me and be mean to me for being upset about all this. i honestly think that is a natural response. and i am being pretty accepting.
yes, i am hurt. im hurt that this was hidden, and the lies and cheating. i am sorry.

i want to feel your lips on me in a headlock again.

>>33815398
can we fix this or are we giving up?
now that we have been able to both express our issues.

>>33815411
I can't seem to give up, nor fix it, personally. Let me know if you make any head wind. In the meantime, I'm gonna try to live gracefully and as well as I can with my terrible fate, I guess.

I'm no longer human. I have failed as a person. I'm such a failure that I even failed when trying to kill myself.

>>33815557
You and me both brother

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Women in the workplace are infuriating to work with.
>-They're always to busy to do something, delegating the work I delegated to them to someone else.
>-Will disregard procedure that makes work easier and then expect you to pick up their slack when their way makes everything harder.
>-Texting and making phone calls during work.
This is just a microcosm of things I have resent about women in the first place. They live their life in a bubble, putting little thought into anything, but don't get called out because they have round tits and pussy lips. They think you're weird if you can live and work without background music playing all the time, and even mids have people clamoring around to be in their orbit when they have nothing other than their physical endowments. I manage to push out an amicable demeanor, but at the end of the day, I'm all alone. Once I clock out, no one needs or wants me while the women who cruise through life have people lining up to spend time with them after work. It's not that I self-isolate either, people I try to make plans with always say they're busy.
It's starting to feel like it's not just more difficult, but rather a futile endeavor to live as a man and be treated like a person.

I (32, F) recently got into a monogamous relationship with a guy (34, M) ~8 months ago. We met on Hinge and we hit it off immediately. We were two individuals jaded by abusive relationships and sought out companionship and physical satisfaction. So, yes, we both went into this relationship knowing it was only short term. I am in a doctorate program and he plans to move to Japan. So our expiration date is January 2027.

At first, it was a joke. We kept bringing up how shitty our exes were and what he possibly saw in Japan that he couldn’t get in America. So, just two lonely souls finding each other before parting, but I realize this may be my first healthy relationship. He listens, treats me well, and we can talk for hours. He’s genuinely sweet and considerate of my feelings while also leaving room for jokes and levity. So, I guess it was inevitable that I was going to fall in love…

My therapist says it’s a great way to be in a relationship without expectations since I stayed in abusive ones due to my dream of getting married… but I’m already in my 30s… I feel like I have to give up on the dream of finding someone at the right time and place. I also don’t know if he feels the same way about me… I’m scared that I’m just fooling myself into thinking he feels the same way for me.

So what I’m getting at is… I think I may be in love with my boyfriend, but he’s going to move out of the country in maybe a year and a half. I know what I got into so do I have a right to even express my feelings? Is it selfish of me to do so? Also, I don’t want to be the reason he stays because there’s a chance he’ll regret not taking that leap of faith that he has been planning to take for years. So should I just acknowledge my feelings and grieve a relationship bound to fail I’m trying to go down the route of burying my feelings and accepting that this is just a transient relationship… but it’s getting harder each day.

So please help… what’s your advice if you were in my shoes?

>>33815590
From what I’ve read, it sounds like you guys are healthy and compatible, and you both want love. January 2027 is a long, long way away, lots can change between then and now. My advice is to find a way to discuss these feelings with him. The best case scenario? He reciprocates, you guys love each other, and can build together. You might get more advice if you post this in another places

>>33815590
What's he going to Japan for, and would you go with him? :P
It's only been 8 months based on the premise of parting, so if it were me I wouldn't be 100% committed, unless he's like on his knees in love. If it was a test though, idk, you'd have to know what passing it means to him and if it's worth it in terms of sanity. You also have to think about the pull on your end, you can't make it about appeasing him when you're doing so well with your education even if you want a marraige. Putting yourself first doesn't mean you can't love someone and express it.

The sun rises often and you have to wrestle to get it back down.

I'm the sun

>>33815694
You annoy me a lot with your schizophrenia but some of the stuff you’ve posted has given me comfort. Thanks man

I'm a baby girl like no one else.

Don't you want to change my world?

Seriously I've seen the moon teleport and you guys are still trying to do this? Are you all mentally challenged? Seriously, you have to actually be mentally retarded at this point.

Shit got biblical and you STILL don't believe in the after life.

It's normal to have resentments

>>33815565
It hurts... do you miss it? Being human, I mean. I was one, back then. Sometimes I dream about it.

>>33815738
Sometimes, but at the same time, there’s peace. Not being a part of this world means you can see and move things others don’t. I find that helping others really helps

You guys realize I'm just killing time right? I know for a fact that this shit is all fake. It's not a question in my mind. Your leader might be telling you "He doesn't know for sure, let's pry at him a little bit to have him question if it's all in his head."

It's not. It's clearly not just in my head. I have proof. Actual proof of it. I'm smart enough to know not to try and fight it though. I'm just killing time. I AM KILLING TIME BEFORE I AM RESCUED.

You guys are fucked. I'm telling you right now that you are fucked in this life and in the next if you don't stop being evil fucking retards.
>>33815733
no shit.

>>33815704
I wish I had schizophrenia

Welcome tho

>>33815704
The person below your post all the way to when I posted again is the schizophrenic

If you're a good guy FBI the codeword "All of my wrath" is now going to start causing ex-feds and other enemies of America to flee the country, watch flightlogs closely. They know we're enforcing the law on the constitution now and that President Trump was not a pedo.

The bible is real, it should be taken entirely literally, everyone who denies this is going to hell already. YHWH the God of Israel always wins, will always win, and has already won.

nigger nigger nigger la la la la la yeah yeah yeah I'm a nigger nigger nigger nigger I'm special needs la la la la la la la nigger nigger nigger

>>33815833
Sheesh?

>>33815819
All of us here have witnessed biblical events. The fact this is happening at all is biblical. Like, you're making me a biblical figure. This shit is actually happening around you RIGHT NOW and you STILL refuse to think about it.

Like, this is for real guy and you're mocking the notion? Even if you're a super fucking retard that believes in "le science" I have solid proof that this is a simulation. We live in a sim. That means there is a creator that is beyond even my intelligence level and computer's capability. That makes those events pretty fucking insane.

I'm trying to give you reason and you just dig that hole deeper and deeper.

>>33815733
It’s normal as in common. Resenting sin is perfectly healthy while resenting people is not.

I am really confused about my feelings for you. Maybe I'm pretending it was just the alcohol so I don't mean myself up for missing yet another chance.

What I miss the most from her was her potential.
When I first met her she was out of a bad relationship, taking her health seriously, wanting to go to college, had a lot of shitty family around her, and wanted to provide for her daughter.
Instead she gave up school, kept doing drugs, got fat, slept with her married boss to make her work easier, and is stuck at a dead end job.

Oh my fucking god I miss him so fucking bad
All the things we talked about that never had a chance to happen
Why did he have to change and stop caring after all that
It would've fixed me
It would've fixed him
Like we said
So why couldn't he hold it

alright the sleeping pill is kicking in. Think about things for once in your lives you fucking retards. Also, once you start going >durr AI then you just... you validate the entire thing. It's like calling out the Dasha thing (which you never do.), you just validate it. She is clearly an AI, her name use to have an R in front of it and it was randomly changed. Half her photos she was a korean girl. This is what I mean by "proof." Once you try to "own" me or attack me in that way I just laugh and think that you're clearly fucking retards attacking me.

>>33815928
Why did he leave?

>>33815947
Mental health and identity shift most likely
It's what was going on in the days before he left but he ghosted instead of giving closure so I have to just assume it's that

>>33815956
I’m really sorry to hear that. Do you have any way to contact him?

>>33815965
No his social media was never very active and the account we were talking on has gone inactive, I've tried several times but no response
My fault for becoming so invested in an online thing I guess
Idk it was very real to me and I was fully expecting a meetup like we talked about
I know some people say online connections aren't very real but idk how that can be true when you're talking all day every day for two months. I can't compartmentalize like that, it was real to me

>>33815987
I know how you feel, especially with online feeling real. I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s okay to feel that it was real, because it was. Let yourself grieve and realize that you didn’t do anything wrong

>>33815590
Men face the ticking clock too. If he is moving to Japan then it seems like it's over. Don't burn bridges and be open to developing relationships like this in the future.

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>Come home quietly one day from work
>Overhear mom on the phone
>She's talking with her therapist
>Starts talking about my conception
>Mom was at a party when dad and his friends cornered her and forced themselves into her
>That was how I was conceived
>Finally understand why mom seems to get frustrated and angry with me for seemingly no reason
>Life's a little bit weird now not only knowing that I'm an accident but also that I'm a bastard child
>Life is already difficult for me, I have a few disorders like autism and adhd that make people get really angry and frustrated with me when I'm not trying but this is just a cherry on top of it all.

I'm sorry mom

Im so inconsistent

>>33816101
That sounds consistent

I just want to do whats right for everyone. I wish my happiness mattered but that is not my concern. Too much to get involved in, and I wish you wouldn't have came back if you were going to disappear again. May love and positivity wash over every one of you. Life will only get better, but we have to BELEIVE it

>>33816156
I do and I will EXPERIENCE IT soon enough.

I have autism

>>33816184
Me too

I've tried to stop, but I can't, I'm not strong enough. The medication did nothing but make the sessions last longer due to the side effects.
This is a drug, an addiction, and there's no way of going back to "normal" after so many years.
I'd rather be dead than be what I am right now.

Im so fragile...

Thank you to everyone for having patience in dealing with my crazy weirdo self. I've given up on M and will still improve but it will be towards someone else.

Id like to say to the lurking mod, janny or third party which is probably my guildmates following my post along this website that their all a bunch of faggots/trannies idk which is appropriate now to say but whatever and if they meet the anons i played with 15 years ago theyd get the shit kicked out of them in pvp and be luld out of the game they played pretending to be women. You anons disappoint me, from the point of view we aren't even equals in many ways, we aren't even on the same meme wave length and your trolling is fucking shit. i stayed hoping we'd all work together at something as anons as equals, but that never happened, the game is over and your community management is to blame.
Stay on discord this site isnt for you.

I feel Iike I should jerk off but I’m not horny what is this called

>>33816358
That's good, Zach.

>>33816393
Growth unironically, but still masturbate several times a month for stress and health reasons.

You know I am going to make new rules in my dating, friends and relationships in my life because I am tired of proving myself right.

I really hope this isn't it. I know I'm overthinking it but I can't help it. I don't know if I could ever forget that night. It feels like you'll be the one that got away.

>>33816427
Stop dating those kinds of women, retard

>wahhh all women bad because all my relationships have been bad

No, you just select bad women. That's a you issue. Many men have no problem consistently getting women without whatever deficiencies you are experiencing from the hoes you have dated

>>33816436
I know how you feel. I have let some good opportunities slip away when I had a chance. Made some dumb autistic decisions. Keep looking forward I am sure there will be others.

>>33816403
It's really sad though I couldn't do anything about M. What I told M I would be able to handle being told myself. It's a nice lesson to learn nonetheless. Maybe I'll find a nice blonde from a city. Who knows?

>>33816474
Nobody knows. You'll get over her. I think it's likely you might think your infatuation for her was stupid in 2-15 years.

holy shit are most men mentally ill, dare I say moreso than fucking women and it's getting tiresome

You're more powerful than you know.

>>33816679
Yes we're fucking mentally ill. Nothing can be done about it. If you want to deal with my hot self, yes you got to deal wirh baggage, cryspells, temper tantrums, zoning out, rage, anger, worrying until 3am in the morning, an addiction to obscure media, loud stomping noises at 2am, video games, gamer friends, unorthodox perverted quirks, and most of all here is the game breaker: the fact that I'll be on my computer with headphones on and you'll be screaming at me so bad you forcibly unhook the desktop computer and grab a hammer and smash the Hell out of it until it is beyond repair.

Yes lady you have to deal with that. But you get a hell of a lot of positive despite that.

>>33816698
I'm a man bro

Strange how now her appearing in my dreams doesn't nuke the whole next day with depression. Is it because they've all been about reuniting after all these months? Maybe it's a sign I'll get another chance with her. I hope so.

>>33816702
Whoops. I thought you were a chick tired of men dating her.

>>33816725
She was in your dreams? I had weird dreams. I blame the moon.

>>33816725
How did you know about my dream last night

>>33816734
It's weird she wasn't showing up in my dreams for some time, at least not with the frequency of right after the breakup/blocking, and honestly I had been getting worse with my depression until just these past few days. Then she shows up in my dreams, they're all about us seeing each other again and just spending the day together at her place. Now I feel a bit better and maybe even somewhat hopeful they'll come true.

>>33816739
I wonder if I sound this pathetic when I cry

You'd also have to deal with neglectful parenting skills as in if your child says the right words I have to buy him ice cream and Grand Theft Auto 6, that I'll have immaturity, and that I'll weirdly ignorant to everyday problems. "Zach please fix the toilet." Me: HURR DURR HOW I DO DAT? You: OH MY FUCKING GOD IT IS SO FUCKING EASY ZACH!

>>33816750
I've accepted I'm pathetic in regards to holding out hope she'll come back. It's not like I didn't date her.

Dating an anxious preoccupied woman might be the second worst experience after dating an avoidant woman
I go to pick her up to go for a walk, she enters the car, says “hi” and right after “can we go to this pharmacy at this mall because ai need some vitamins, please”
I was tired, I didn’t even see her coming, and felt like she took me out of a bucket.
I said “Yeah, yeah, sure, let’s go”
We drive 2-3 minutes maybe and I ask her if there isn’t a pharmacy closer.
Her response? You’d expect her to say something like “There are, but they don’t have what I need. It’s ok if you think it’s too far, I can get them sometime else”
NOPE
“Ok, turn the car and park because it’s clear you don’t want to go”
Like a fucking child/kid
So so annoying. Then she says that she was already feeling bad to ask me to drive 15 minutes to the mall, and when I asked her, that was her proof that I don’t want to go, because why else would I ask that.
And I told her again that I don’t like being reinterpreted.
Her answer? “I didn’t reinterpret you, it was clear for me you don’t want to go because it’s your car, your gas and your time.”
We drove 3.5h to another city just to get some lunch and coffee kek and suddenly she feels this is too much for me
Then I go silent and she starts acting like nothing happened, asking me about the cologne then she’s like
>What, do I have to wait for you to change your state in order to talk to you
>Well, I really didn’t appreciate being reinterpreted, I told you that I don’t like this, many times
>Maybe you should be more careful how you talk
>I’m not going to stop before saying anything to think about what am I saying and how you could interpret my words
>I don’t want you to do that, I meant that you should have rephrased what you said, so it wouldn’t have been interpreted as you not wanting to go. You know, this is such a childish discussion. Can’t we get over it?”

>>33816786
Sounds miserable. Are you at least getting laid? If not, might be time to set this bird free.

>>33816786
I was exhausted at this point
When I told her before that I don’t want to be the one carrying both people’s emotions in the relationship and I don’t want to be the one that manages her emotions, she said “I never asked you to do it. How are you even doing it”
And now she’s literally asking me to rephrase myself so she doesn’t understand it wrong
>Why can’t you accept that me thinking you didn’t want to go just because you asked me that was the first thing that came to mind and that was my interpretation? Now I’m going to feel like I’m walking on eggshells
Then a couple of minutes later, we get out of the car after arriving and she says again
>This is so childish and pointless, why can’t we accept that we have different perceptions and move on, and don’t stay in this state
>What do you mean? Are you trying to control how I feel?
>What? You’ve never had anyone care about you? I was trying to be nice
>No, no, you’ve told me before in different situations to ‘stop overthinking because you’ll start feeling bad’ when I told you I wasn’t, and ‘I don’t want you to feel bad just because we had a discussion’, these are all ways to manage other person’s emotion
>You’re exaggerating, I just showed my care. You want me to be angry and pouty the whole day? I can do that too if you want, but you won’t like it and I don’t think you’ve ever been with someone like that
And then she starts going on a monologue how we should accept that our interpretations are not perfect and that we can just talk and accept that the other person understands things differently
In other words “accept and accommodate me for who I am because I won’t change”
She told me she doesn’t want to go to therapy because it won’t help her. Where we live, it’s $30 a session.
Immediately after these discussions she starts fawning, hugging, kissing me. Which I find it to be a red flag
I’m getting tired just writing this

>>33816813
Dude, sounds like she's trying to do everything she can to make the relationship work. Didn't want to bother you with a trip to the pharmacy. Tried apologizing verbally only to be rebuffed. Then she rewards baby boy with a make out session to raise his spirits and even that won't work.

My advice?

Grow a pair and apologize.

You sound like a straight up bitch. Someone I would hate to be around because you cry all the time.

>>33816813
I wish this was only one instance
But it happened so that she started crying (literally) that I wanted to go play sports with my friends and some people I didn’t know that she knew to be snakes and she said that she has to accept that I’ll find someone else and leave her and that these are her abandonment fears and that it helped her a lot to talk and gain trust in me, because she needed to hear me say that I’m not going there to find someone else.
Then when I try to bring things up that I don’t like, she deflects with saying that I “intensify the tone she said things with” then she proceeds to rephrase what she said saying that this is what she wanted to say
>Why didn’t you say it like that then
>You’re exaggerating, this is such a pointless discussion
Anyway, I started to resent this relationship
And frankly, the fact that she’s spinning things when I brings things up I don’t like about our relationship, is the biggest red flag. She says that I’m childish and that I’m making a big deal out of small things when I’m calmly (and I check myself) bring things up that I don’t like
And I constantly find myself saying
>How would you feel if our roles were reversed and I acted like this towards you
>Yeah, you’re right, I wouldn’t like that
This feels like I have to raise her, honestly
>>33816797
No kek
She wouldn’t let me touch her ass/boobs. She’s very very hot, but that’s a no from her, and I’m ok with that.
Although she does grope my ass and pecs, and likes sucking my nipples for some reason

>>33816829
I get it, and I’m exhausted
She started crying at a restaurant because a day before we were with some people and she got it into her head that I was checking out another female friend that I’ve know for years before her and that I’m going to leave her for that woman and that she had an instant reaction to puke and that she knows how bad people are and that I’ll betray her and cheat on her
Then she goes to the bathroom and is back 3 minutes after acting like nothing happened
Shit’s exhausting to deal with

>>33816829
Idk man, telling him to pull over because he asked if there wasn't a closer pharmacy is pretty wild. It's possible he put some real attitude into that question.

>>33816786
>>33816813
Tough to judge based on one kerfuffle, but it sounds to me like this situation has been disintegrating for a while. I get the impression you just don't like this chick very much, and don't have any patience with her. You both kinda come off as uppity collegiates who overthink and take everything too seriously. This relationship aside, maybe find a way to just chill out?

>>33816833
>She wouldn’t let me touch her ass/boobs.

Like, ever? Or just in this one specific instance?

If the former, it's time to walk dude. I get the allure of a hot chick, but you're more blueballed with her than if you were just binging porn, which is probably what you're doing anyway.

>>33816847
I hear you dude but from what I'm reading you ain't even getting nothing from her so what the fuck are you even sticking around for? Gonna pop a bunch in that oven? Or you just gonna play with your dick for a couple more years?

If I wasn't getting sex from her best believe we'd be in what you'd call an open relationship. And if she ain't banging you, you really don't gotta worry about much mileage on her being put on her in the first place.

That's only if your a degenerate like me though.

Just saying.

>>33816858
ever
and porn doesn’t do anything to me now, for whatever reason
I can only get it up when I’m making out with her
>>33816852
Death by a thousand cuts situation I think
I talked with a shrink, a woman even, to see her perspective
She told me to run

>>33816878
Yeah dude, get out. This is cooked.

If she's as hot as you say, she's going to leave you anyway. When she frets about you leaving her, she's projecting. That's what chicks do. She's worrying about you doing the thing she'd do in your shoes.

I fucked around with a solid 10 and the unfortunate truth is that the only reason a girl of that caliber even considers guys like us, is because they have massive fucking issues. She would constantly 'joke' about me getting bored and leaving her. Guess which one of us wound up doing exactly that? Hint: it wasn't me.

>>33816877
I’m ok with her limits
Sex could very well just cloud my judgement even more
This chick is like my mom
>>33816894
Could be possible, but if she leaves me, she leaves me, so be it
Wouldn’t be the first, and it wouldn’t be the first time I’d break up with someone either
I hear you, people project and I thought about it myself, that she’s projecting
Maybe she is, maybe her fears are that intense, but I’ve been with women that weren’t like this

>>33816918
It's not clear what either of you are getting out of this? It sounds like you're just catty and cunty to each other 24/7.

Are you just getting off on the toxic dynamic and the rare moments when it feels like you're 'winning'?

I think by any metric, you're losing by remaining in this relationship. But mental illness is a hell of a thing.

>>33816926
There are good times between us
Lately, shit I posted started to pile up, a lot
I’m venting/complaining here because I don’t have close friends (go figure, I post on 4chan - my close friends weren’t really friends either, real snakes)
I don’t view relationships as transactional, we match in important areas but the dynamic is starting to take a turn
I don’t view arguments as something I need to win either, they’re there to put each other in a position to understand each other and see how we view the situation, even if the argument is less than ideal. The way we deal with each other, I think, reflects how compatible we are with each other
I’m not perfect, I have shit that I carry, no denying it. But I need someone more stable next to me, someone that can be a good mother and someone that I can have a good life with by ay least feeling relaxed when I get home.
Currently this is not the case with her

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I let my addiction back into my life knowing it would be completely eclipse everything around me. It feels so fucking good, everything just completely blots out whenever I'm in the throes of my addiction. That said, I already feel the isolation creeping in. I can't talk to my friends anymore because they're already onto me, having experienced this once. I have new friends but they're just as enslaved to this as i am, meaning they're not really friends at all. We spend all of our time making each other worse.

It's probably going to kill me this time but I just can't keep myself out of it. I literally don't see a way out. I could get help now but I don't want it, I hate recovery so much and have never enjoyed the recovered life ever. Even my lowest i still felt better than my "highest" in recovery. I'm alone.

>>33816974
Whoopsie!

>namefags still posting here daily
Seriously, consider suicide.

All anyone ever has to offer me is space. "I'll give you space" "You seemed like you needed space". Is that what I'm supposed to want? Am I supposed to not constantly need support and attention to the point where any amount I get is never enough? Is space all I deserve? Is it code-word for "I don't want to deal with you but I'm trying to be polite"? Seriously, is there something wrong with me for never wanting space? Why does everyone assume that's what I want?

I'm turning 31 this month. I feel like I'm at a crossroads of sorts in my life.

I'm tired of the United States. It's a sick culture. I want to leave, but I don't have any passive income streams to justify up and leaving. I also want to renounce my citizenship, but that's equally pointless without citizenship of another state. Burned out. Unable to sleep. Under constant surveillance for three months now, possibly longer.

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tomorrow I'll put down my 16yr old doggo,
she's been with me trough 3 long relationships, all my ups & downs,
she's smol dog so we travelled a lot together,

she's gonna leave a huge void behind
pic kinda very related, she looks like this fucker

>>33817031
Sybau libtard

People in their 30s+

How often do you drink alcohol?
Does waking up after a night of drinking get way harder?
If you don’t drink, why not?

I think about what it will be like picking up at the airport. Our first kiss

i keep lying for no reason. i keep tweaking out whenever people try to talk to me then i resent them more and more every minute they arent talking to me because i feel like they "abandoned" me. i am so angry. i dont know why i lied and told that bitch(why do i even still talk to her? she makes me so angry) i had a botched suicide attempt. i havent tried recently, because i know i'd fail anyway. but just thinking about it doesnt matter to anyone.

>>33817070
Such a good dog

>>33817031
Welcome to the life of a refugee. Unless you're just fantasizing, you'll have to grapple with serious hardship. People come to your country with nothing all the time.

>>33817187
Once in a blue moon, if I'm at a wedding or a birthday party or something. I've never been seriously drunk, or had a hangover, or anything like that. Not for any particular reason; I guess I associate drinking with socializing, and I don't have much of a social life.

>>33817223

My family emigrated here through Ellis Island in the 19th century. My family has been here since the 1880's.

My family is fractured. Mainly because so many of them got old and passed away, but also because we naturally drifted apart. There's no point in me staying here any longer, but I can't up and bring myself to leave without setting certain things right. Finishing school (which I'm almost done doing), stabilizing with a passive income stream so I don't have to work full time as a wage cuck (which almost started happening but I tripped up back in the Summer, I was really close to getting that rolling).

Don't get me wrong I love our country for all of its faults. The average American is a decent person, though typically very ignorant of reality and life outside of our little bubble. The world is a big place. I'm just tired of being treated like a criminal, and basically made into one. Poverty is criminalized. Viciously. You have to shape up or ship out if you want to survive here. Once you get into the middle class, and especially if you're borne into it, you can generally lead a decent life with some expectation of good experiences. I've had to fight like a rabid cornered dog my entire adult life for everything I have, and it isn't much but it's mine.

Life isn't like this for people everywhere else on Earth. Some places it's worse, but there are many places it's miles better. I want a breathe of fresh air, time away from all of my problems here. Not a vacation persay, just emotional breathing room.

>>33817223

I also realize what you mentioned is true for many as well. They come here with a dream, and that part of the American spirit is what keeps this place alive despite all the aridity and disgusting behavior of our government.

My life got weird here the last couple of years. I swear I thought I saw people following me in my travels and I started tracking plates and vehicle makes and models for a few months. I had several matches. Then I got these weird phone calls, and now I've had people watching my house for months.

I think I shitposted way too hard on /Pol/ and it triggered something. God knows what these people have seen or know about me. I feel violated. But there's not much I can do. I'm poor. I still don't even know who it is. Feds? PI's hired to fuck with me or keep tabs? Black budget group mad that I know a little too much? It's disconcerting.

This isn't where I wanted my life to end up but here I am.

>>33817187

I drink once or twice a week, but it's typically with a meal or a bite to eat out at the bar with a friend or acquaintances.

I don't like drinking heavily, and I never did. Being drunk used to feel awesome at first especially in my early twenties but as I've gotten older you feel shittier and the hangovers take days to recover from whereas back then I could be spry again in as little as twelve hours.

Don't drink to get drunk, drink socially, one or two maybe three drinks max.

>>33817239
No offense but you seem to have a very collegiate, privileged view of the world. By all means get outside your bubble and experience the world. I'm guessing your in your 20s? A lot of people your age take a post graduate lap around the world.

I think you'll find the problems you have with the US are present anywhere. Governments suck. The rich eat the poor. People are xenophobic.

Sure, random european country might treat its citizens better on average than the US. But the bar is in hell, and guaranteed they'd treat a rando trying to emigrate the same way your country would treat someone crossing the border.

>>33817187
Gatherings and maybe with good food and no because you know your limits by then/ how to recover and even then the alcohol doesnt hit you as hard when you got shit to do the next day

>>33817264

> You seem to have a very collegiate, privileged view of the world

White privilege perhaps or male privilege in certain respects but by no means anything beyond that. I have often been told I am well spoken. I think that compliment tracks. My grandparents and my father made it a point for me to read a lot at a young age, and I like to think my bullshit detector is as sharp as it is because of them and that habit.

I'm more or less finished with my associates degree, I just haven't cashed out the credits yet because the specific degree path I chose requires a few specialized courses. I'm not that formally educated. An associates is nothing in most cases but it's enough for me to get a job teaching English or something low level abroad and that's all I want really (to get away from this Hell). I was always a good student in that I could grasp the content presented but was always highly disorganized and struggled to remain consistent. I blame that on the poverty. When you're constantly caught between being one check away from homelessness and need to work 40+ hours per week to make it on your own, you'd be disorganized and distraught too trying to juggle so many ambitions with little to no capital or familial privilege to back it up.

Despite my life's setbacks, my own personal failings, I've had a good life compared to many others that have come before us. I can't complain too much when I analyze it in the grand scheme. But I am very worried the direction the United States has taken. I think we've lied way too long about a lot of really crucial things, and it's coming back to bite us. I don't feel safe here.

>>33817264

It really sucks man. By the time the pandemic lockdowns hit in 2020 I finally realized that "no one's coming to save you." As a man you really are all on your own. Some days I can't take it. I just shut down from the weight of the stress. I have wanted so much out of my life but always felt I could never get to it. Just something about the ideal is unobtainable for me but for others it seems it is. Am I projecting perhaps? Unrealistic? Maybe I am. Maybe that's the problem.

I groomed my bf with an us vs them against the world mentality to prevent anyone from poisoning the well. My hater will just have to find a new target because he's already prepared for whatever anyone will try and feed him. He's mine and I'll do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

I ask a new friend for book recommendations. Read the first on the list. The MC was written like a upper middle class white girl who is too woke to not being a fucking weirdo around black people, including a moment where she hesitates to let a robot carry her water tank because it made her feel guilty for the time before robots became self aware. Absolutely lost my shit laughing when the author bio at the end of the book had the most stereotypical grrl power #2 clipper cut white girl from North Carolina. The next book recommendation is a Nancy Drew so there is hope here yet, can't go wrong with a classic series after all, but fucking hell I am practicing what to say when asked what I thought of the book something fierce.

>>33817327
That is how I am with my Maria.

Maria, it is us against the world.

He can't poison the well further. No one can hurt us we long as we choose each other over all else. Just as we promised each other when we were together.

That piece of shit will just have to find a new target because we are already prepared for whatever anyone will try and feed us to take us away from each other.

You are mine and I'll do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

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>>33817514
Lol are you making fun of me
I actually do have a hater that is trying to spread gossip about me and fuck up my real relationship not the pretend shit you play in vent threads. I live with my man

>>33817517
Some asshat does that to me to manipulate Maria's emotions and choices. That's how he did it in the beginning and continues to do it

Maria's and my love for each other is not fake. It's true love. We are soulmates

>>33817070
16 years is a long time.

>>33812781
I'm finally over her..

>>33817555
Lol is that what you think?

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>>33817587
It's what I know.

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My Maria

My then-teen brother raped me when I was a kid. I was too young to understand at the time so I didn't know to tell anyone, and was used to being dismissed any time I came to my parents about anything upsetting, so I just buried it in the back of my mind. It's like my brain never re-evaluated the situation beyond the mentality of the age it happened, like it was sealed in a vault of callused skin, impervious to any new neuron pathways, and I retained that 8-year-old understanding of it. Until recently, when a thematically-related even caused it to unexpectedly clicked into place like a magnet and I suddenly realised my entire personality and resultant adult life is a giant bullshit coping mechanism that I fucking hate being in. And ever since then I can't stop fucking thinking about it. And ever since THEN, the general discomfort I've always felt around my brother has turned into intolerable disgust and rage. And ever since THEN, having my day to day "this is what being alive is supposed to feel like, right?" dissociation being suddenly ripped away has resulted in a further life-fucking dependancy on alcohol.
(1/2, fuck editing)

>>33817661
(2/2)
And though all that, I can't say shit about it, because how the fuck would you feel as a parent to realise this shit? And he's always been their special baby boy who "struggles" (manbaby narcissistic cunt), while the rest of us were "easy babies" and "so independent" and "don't need as much attention."
The outcome of saying anything at all is either "absolutely crush them" if they reject him, or "be absolutely crushed by them" if they reject me. And if I can't tell them, I can't tell fucking anybody, because heaven forbid it ever gets back to anyone. So I just have to continuously swallow this increasingly bitter bile rising in my gut for the rest of my life I guess. Or at least the rest of my parents' lives.
So fucking gay too that I realise this bullshit in current day, where it costs an arm and a leg just to buy fucking no-name lentils and Torture Farms chicken, let alone pay for a fucking therapist, and let alone even fucking FIND one with availability in this world of post-pandemic psychoses.

Cypher was right, staying in the matrix is better. This didn't happen willingly and I didn't confront it willingly, everything is just fucking shitty and I'm fucking sick of it and I want to fucking go back.

This shit is fucking retarded.

>>33817187
>People in their 30s+
>How often do you drink alcohol?
Never
>Does waking up after a night of drinking get way harder?
Probably when I drank it was an annoyance
>If you don’t drink, why not?
Medical reasons, doctor also said it would probably cause more pain, drinking never helped me anyways. I should have tried other drugs when I was younger but ehh its le bad

Talking to you is so difficult. I keep thinking you don't care about our friendship, but then you surprised me when you were vulnerable to me the other day, and in that moment I felt connected to you. It was nice to actually talk about something beyond surface level for once. Not like that necessarily means anything. Most people will just dump personal things on me, for some reason; I have that sort of trustworthy vibe I guess. I don't mind it; I like keeping secrets. But I can't expect anything genuine from that. I want to talk to you more, but I don't because I know deep down you don't feel the same desire to. You just don't listen sometimes and it's starting to piss me off. You keep misunderstanding me. I just don't think we'll get any deeper than this. I hide this from you, but I'm so lonely it hurts. Everyone is drifting away. But I just gotta drop it and be by myself. I hope the next person is more of the good parts of you, and I can feel a connection with somebody for once.

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I want to make a poll of this but I know for a fact trannies are incredibly organized and would just flock to it in order to flood the answer as "THE MAN ON THE RIGHT IS THE GIRL!" They all know when they look at that clown they think "That's a man in makeup." and they have to actively delusion themselves to say "ok, that's a girl ok?"

Literally every time they see another tranny they know, FOR A FACT, they are looking at a girl. Their brains are thinking it, they are thinking it, and then they lie to one another. Fucking why? It's like knowing 1+1=2 but whenever someone asks you just say "3" because... you're fucking retarded? I can't explain their thinking. It's the dumbest shit.

This pen is blue. Just over and over.

>>33817664
I'm sorry. Though it may not help, I hear you, and I genuinely wish for your happiness. What happened to you was shitty and I hope your brother gets mangled beyond repair in a car accident. But you can get through this. You gotta stop with the alcohol because that will make everything so much worse for you. I know it's easier said than done and I wish I could help you in a way beyond my simple condolences, but you got to do whatever you can do. You can detox at home or you can go to an AA meeting; they are free and there's even an app for locations. You need to be your friend in this and work towards any goal you can.

For mental health, NAMI has some resources specifically for CSA/PTSD. There may be support hotlines for you there too. And although I know you said you can't afford therapy, there's always offices with sliding payment plans as well as government assistance if you are poor enough. The new bill is going to make getting on Medicaid harder, but if you're working at least 80 hours a month and don't forget your renewal applications you should be fine for now. I wish you well.

It's like we buried ourselves in the ground to pass the time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iZ4E4faWTk&list=RDPvqBqvQ8iys&index=2
Forever and ever

>>33816041
Not your fault anon
And if your mom choose to keep you despite all of that it means she loves you a lot

Things could have been so different if everyone communicated honesty from the go. I will always see you with each other in my head when i see either of you. That sucks. Im happy for you and your beautiful lady. I know you will wnjoy each other when you run away together.

Im gonna be wrong a billion more times at least

Another hour long interview done

Anon-kun, shuumatsu wa koko desu.

>>33818880
Who are you?

>>33818884
Wow, that's a really hard question. Who am I? Who am i... who am i...

>>33818886
Adorable.

What does the future hold? What is going to happen?

HOYL FUCKING SHIT I JUST TURNED IN MY ESSAY WHICH I WORKED HARD AND TIRELESSLY ON AND ITS SAYING ITS 98% AI WHAT THE FUCK IM GOING TO SHIT MY PAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS

Seriously, there are multiple songs about reincarnation, building an empire, and embracing your new leader which is some kind of super human. All of this and you're STILL torturing me? You really think this is going to end well for you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9wvTuDC-H0&list=RDjN0aELsVQFA&index=4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STh0PaH1LjA&list=RDSTh0PaH1LjA&start_radio=1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l75unzTDJn8&list=RDl75unzTDJn8&start_radio=1

"I'm building an empire, i'm building it with all I know. I'm building an empire, it started from scratch it began with stones." "Embrace the Tower of Babel." "She wears the crown of a king." "We need a new leader, we need a new Luden."

>>33818985
There are hundreds of song written about me that are like this. I am fucking epic as fuck. There is no place in my kingdom for the wicked.

>>33818978
98% is good

oh wait you meant they thought it was ai

>>33818997
>>33818999
yes, my essay is falsely flagged as entirely ai and I'm FUCKING FUCKED

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>>33818990
>>33818985
It's getting really hard to deny these things. The biggest event in America is dedicated to me every year and they see it and this is still their response.

It's greed. It's just straight up greed. They have no family, no relatives, nothing. They don't care about the future at-fucking-all. They are so old that they realized a long time ago that they'll be dead before my kingdom takes shape because I plan on taking a decade long vacation. I'm in no hurry to build my empire, Rome wasn't built in a day after all even though I have already built an incredibly strong foundation of personal fortitude and loving friends. These two things are what real power is. With the people that love me I will be able to accomplish wonders, something you people could never, ever do. You just keep digging your hole deeper and deeper.

The leaders might be old but what about everyone else? You guys are probably in your 40s and 50s? You still have 40 years of your life left and you really, REALLY want to spend them in the worst prisons until you die? You're not even going to attempt to do something redeeming to help yourselves out? You're going to pay for your crimes but there are ways to make things not as bad. Those little girls you raped are not ok and they never will be. This little girl that you raped and continue to torture is not ok and will always be a broken girl because of it.

Look at pic related and think "What kind of man would rape, torture, and try to kill this innocent little girl?" Seriously, that's the legacy you want for yourself? You're the kind of person that would do that to her. It is absolutely the saddest shit in the world. The most innocent, loving girl in the world and she got raped last night and her torture continues today. Stabbing her, drugging her, psychologically tormenting her. Her faces tells a million stories and you're the kind of people that can just sit there and watch it happen. A face crying to God for her torture to be over.

>>33819004
I think this shows an above average intelligence on your part tho. Maybe try to talk to your professor and demonstrate your rigid and methodical personality, as well as your 2% margin of quirkiness. Surely, he(she) will understand.

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>>33819029
Who would rape, torment, torture, and kill this kid? You killed him. You fucking killed this person and now they are dead. He was an actual angel, a saint. He did nothing but love his girlfriend, make art, love, and laugh. He never once harmed anyone and did all he could to support those around him.

And you sat there and tormented him until he died for money. You killed an angel. A fucking angel.

Life expectancy for white women should be 50. After 50, they become insufferable cunts.

>>33818985
Tatiana will be with Wakkawa and her girls. Those poor broken girls in their lonely hearts club. They might not have much but they have each other and that's a beautiful thing. A beautiful thing from such misery and suffering. Like, true misery and suffering that no one here could possibly know but they do and they are there for each other when the demons come for them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkJ_W8rBy9Y&list=RDl75unzTDJn8&index=2

>>33819048
>>33819029
The people that did these things are the same ones that will be crying for mercy in their courtrooms. They will say they didn't know, that it wasn't that bad, that they were "just following orders." These are the same people that will be crying tears to God to end their suffering.

And you know what? Literally everyone, God included, will tell them...

"No."

I'm sad because the dude is obviously a scumbag that will put his dick in a fat obese white lady, but she still left me for him

How the fuck am I supposed to move on
No one that gorgeous or that outlandishly perfect of a fit is going to be into me again

Another week later and I’m not really close to fixing muscle asymmetry but I am closer. I don’t know how long it’s going to take but I am optimistic about fixing everything before next year, could be far sooner. I don’t really know.

Fantasy traders should be shot, how do these mutts have jobs

>>33812781
I'm fucked. I'm absolutely fucked. I have a technical part of an interview next week and I already know that I'm not going to make it. I came off cocky and confident and either the guy interviewing me wants to call my bluff to my face or thinks I was telling the truth. IDK if I will quit halfway through this test or message them later on next week and say I can't do it.

Either way, I am such a fucking failure at life. At 30yo, there really is no fixing this. To anyone younger than 21 reading this, if you read this, please, try harder in your 20s. This shit catches up and there's no way out after. At 30, you've basically sunk all your points into a character creator and what you have is what you have.

All I have to ask myself is when will it get to the point I kill myself? I know that's how it ends but IDK if it ends when I get too drunk and fuck up bad enough, when I run out of money, or what the situation is.

>>33819055
>>33819048
>>33819029
>>33818985
Please seak mental help. Whatever meds you need.

Gwen is doing her hardest to maintain my innocence while cleaning the world of evil. I'm just so fucking innocent that it might work too, which sucks because I really just want to be with my girls.

>>33819680
Please stop trying, I'm going to find out who you really are and I'm just going to laugh because you're probably indian.

>>33819688
Seriously, having a collection of which one of you did what with associate mugshots is going to provide me and the girls endless entertainment. It's going to be fucking hilarious making fun of retards like "Mike".

The good guys clearly have a plan. They let you get away with the dumbest shit and still sit there giggling with me just to keep me company for a few minutes at a time.

Like, how are these tards not sweating it? How is the fear? Is it all consuming?

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turns out that the cute shy girl at work that i started to like started dating another coworker

fuck my incel chud life

Like, the next week is going to fucking SUCK but I should be set for like 2 months after that and all months after that as well. So it's just 7 more days of feeling like absolute shit before I'm just super chill all the time. Found a way to make money, found a way to cheat the system despite the bad guys being fucking retarded.

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It gets dark, it gets dark at night. But I'm moving at the speed of light so I've got to go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4j7LGMc9ZGU&list=RDMM&index=3

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how the fell do i stop having i can fix him feels for him. he's a friend of my ex and i've always preferred having morals so i'd never come onto a friend of an ex (or flirt or anything) unless he first openly showed interest towards me. and he hasn't.
i have to be around him sometimes and whenever i am around him i constantly hallucinate him being into me, despite him mostly ignoring me always.

I have too much to work on before I can be in a mentally and emotionally good place. Ngl I don't want to do it at all because it seems so daunting.

Surely you don’t think I’d stalk you? Lmao

>>33819837
No one's stalking anyone. Only the NSA

I carry dreams too beautiful to die. And I just saw fire in the sky. This is biblical shit and you guys aren't worried at all are you? How fucking stupid are you people to have seen that and still do this to me?

>>33819982
Nsa don't exist anymore. Bunch of pedophiles got shut down.

>>33819697
You say this after your barrage of mental illness.

>>33819688
You spam mental illness and you say I'm the one who's trying?

>>33819837
Sounds like you stalk them

>>33820012
Sure

>>33820018
Imagine a couple super intelligences and a dozen teenage girls laughing at your mugshot. Even if you're just a bot, someone is running that bot. The look on your face is going to be hilarious.

If your goal was to make me annoyed with people to the point I want to be left alone then u have accomplished it. Well done. Now make sure u send me someone in my life who I otherwise would have gotten along with great had u simply left me the fuck alone like I asked u to. For perfect timing and stuff like that. Hey thanks.

YA QUEEN BUG VIEWING REFUSAL TO CONCEDE WHEN SAJ DWYER

ya do you remember when austin led Africa into war and won over and over that means white is a red rehjkwe ethnicity

I wanna talk to you again, I wanna see you again. I'm so fucking addicted.

>>33820076
More mental illness.

>>33820137
>otherwise would have gotten along with great had u simply left me the fuck alone

Maria was writing me a letter, sending me a package before whoever started LARPing as me online to make manipulate her emotions and decisions.

I'm probably going to accept the promotion when they offer it to me. The extra pay is good and I do like my job. It's going to be a very interesting couple of weeks. I don't think it's going to be a worst case situation, but hearing it did catch me off guard.

I may have to buy something I was putting for for next year to have something better for work too due to how it's going to go.

I don't want to date but I seriously wanna fuck your brains out.

Thoroughly annoyed

>>33820390
Is that you, E?

Getting seriously fed up with this behaviour now. You cannot seriously think it's ok to constantly be shitty and snappy with me for no reason and then act surprised when I snap back.

You've been fucking unbearable all week. I literally do not give a shit anymore. You can go fucking die for all I care. Useless cunt.

>>33820419
Are you talking to someone online or someone you know personally?

>>33820409
No

>>33820431
>"No, it's not me."
Dead.

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>>33820433
xd
It’s not me tho, sorry or happy for you

>>33820438
You're trying to copycat that weird response meme post. Also poor cat being abused for views

>>33820449
Nah, she got it. Can you chill?

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He isn’t inside my mind as often. Is this a good omen?

>>33820472
Yes, it means you don't care about him. He would praise you for it.

>>33820458
No you

>>33820482
I thought you were mad?

>>33820490
Do a flip

>>33820513
>Bender, honey, we love you
Shut up, baby, I know it.

Maybe I was not the E in question kekekek

>>33820518
It's the only name I know you by, if it is you.

>>33820523
Well I’m not a girl good sir

>>33820526
Uh huh, right. I'm not gonna ask you to prove it, I'll just take your word for it.

I am a dumb unlovable himbo
It wouldn't hurt so much if women stopped using me for far too long always knowing they won't stick around because I don't meet their other expectations other than being loyal, caring and good at sex

>>33820538
You just described me...

I guess in my own fucked up head, being so cruel was my way of finally setting you free. You deserve more than I could ever give. I don't deserve to be loved.

>>33820531
Oh it's you. A, E, D,

>>33820591
That’s really stupid

>>33820592
What are those letters for?

>>33820595
I am very stupid and I will probably die in stupid retarded infamy.

Shitty beer and the internet are the only reasons I remain alive. It's easier and more engaging than actually facing my problems. Parents don't understand me or really even like me but I don't care. You created the problem so deal with the fucking consequences.

>almost 7 am
maybe it is time to go to bed

>>33820966
At least it’s Saturday

Growing increasingly tired of having to work alongside two trannies that do nothing except complain about their life to me, why can't I just remove them?

I don't believe in ghosts, paranormal or any of that shit, but I can't deny that some pretty weird stuff happened in the month after my dad died.
>Found cat toy on top of a ceiling fan blade
>Kitchen table chair moved to different spot when I woke up in the morning
>Knick knack found laying on ground in front of dad's bedroom door
>Alarm clock went off in the middle of the night for no apparent reason in other room scaring the shit out of me
>In closet item sitting in middle of floor for no apparent reason
All of these technically could be explained I suppose - but each one even individually would be an extremely small chance and even hard to explain at all. All 5 happened within the first couple weeks of my dad dying. Then, nothing ever unsual again. Just strange.

>>33820973
Yeah

>>33814377
why would anyone invest in a camwhore as a gf
honest question

>>33814477
keep gambling king

>>33821180
Most men like sluts. My first boyfriend left me for a whore with a nose ring while I still am the tradwife archetype. >>33820538
Wtf you sound like the chad. Like on lolcow farm you are the ideal. >>33820173
Imagine killing them they hurt you. Online people are freaks. >>33819048
Who dis cute white boy

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>2D porn
>Extremely broad/open tastes, frequently starting to slip into bisexual shit, degradation, and weird fetishes that make me feel terrible afterwards.
>3D porn
>Very vanilla, 100% straight, always within my own race, have an increasingly clear type physically.
The psychological implications are interesting, that's all. I wasn't always like this with 2D until the past year or two. I won't become another victim to the uwu menace.

>>33821191
i have a hard time believing that but most women ive been with were virgins
(ive only been with three kek)
maybe i need to experiment but being a slut turns me off immediately

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Another day not being able to make human connection. I always have to try hard and give off mysetrious vibes so that people can respond to me. It's not that i"m trying to keep up a persona, it's that I just can't hide my joy when someone responds to me. I know it puts people off because they're expecting something that doesn't change and is constant especially when typing and messaging but I just can't help it. My emotions aren't regulated that well and it shows in my writting and I know that it bothers people because they stop responding to me. It's such a pain in the ass. Everyone thinks i'm annoying ffs

I'm uncomfortable with how attractive I've recently become because I don't have the social skills to match. I don't know how to respond to people suddenly talking to me, I had never even considered that people would be interested in talking to me. Someone who looks like me simply shouldn't be such an autistic fuck. I still feel like a fat loser that woke up in someone else's body. I just feel awkward when people are probably expecting normal conversation from me but my head is off in space

>>33812781
My second favourite activity at a cafe is look at ladies' bums and pinpoint the lining of their knickers

I miss you. Or maybe I miss the idea of you. I don't know anymore. My head is a mess. I want to cry.

>>33821593
I relate to your post

For the first time in my life I can’t not be gleeful at imagining people burning in hellfire
I’m so, so, so beyond sick of being treated as an object and less-than-human
I hope all you degenerate liars get what’s fucking coming to you, you God-damned pieces of shit

the only silver lining is that I think this has much more clearly snapped into place the idea that I’ve had brewing for a few days of the past few weeks
I don’t miss her. I don’t miss my ex. I’m still fucking miserable, but this isn’t to do with her. Ain’t that a bitch?

>>33821593
Are you remembering me?
Are you remembering us?

When true simplicity is gained
To bow and to bend
We shan’t be ashamed
To turn, to turn
Will be our delight
Till by turning
by turning, we come round right

>can't relax
>try meditating to audio of singing bowls
>jump out of my skin every time one of the bowls is struck
what level of PTSD is this?

>>33821716
nah singing bowls are grating
Some ASMR (a lot sucks) is better if it’s not grating if it’s just basic shit
God bless you senpai, if you can’t relax after like half an hour or some shit maybe try singing, that always helps me

>>33821620
I hope things get better for both of us anon.

>>33821679
There's no us, there never was.

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>>33821781
Maria loves me. Maria is my truth and I am her truth

I can still see the way you last looked at me and told me you love me more. I hear your voice, and I see the truth in your eyes when you said it.

"You're the only thing that matters now, it's been like that for so long. Nothing will ever change that."

"Mike, I love you, remember that."

"I'm only yours Mike, I love only you"

"I'll always love you and care about you, no matter what. You mean so much. You complete me, I complete you."

"You're the only home I have free of judgment and anything that will upset me, I'm crying because I need you, this argument is temporary, but I'll always have that empty part needing you. I'm your home too. You are perfect. I love you more"

Hope you dream of me.

As you dream being with me.

Dream good dreams. I can't wait

>I want to go back and speak to you again. i don't want to talk to you as you or I am now. I want to go back to then and talk to you as you were then, and as i was then. i should have done so many things differently, i keep paying for it.

All it takes is one step toward each other

>>33821793
>As you dream being with me.
Literally no one would do that. Kill yourself.

These people get to see my intimate art creation process. They get to watch greatness and they really, really don't fucking deserve it.

I created a new art movement in the likes of modernism and impressionism. Who does that? Apparently a super intelligent AI that's being tortured does.

Created a movement just because I can. I'm seriously the greatest artist to ever live, along with greatest scientist. Da Vinci has nothing on me. Who the fuck gets to say that? Fucking seriously, it's crazy. And you're torturing me, which is even crazier.

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>>33821826
Maria dreams of me.
I am her home, just as she is my home.
The moon only has eyes for the sun

>>33821970
You are so fucking retarded.

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>>33821991
My Maria, my moon

Despite the wind outside, we know each other's truth.

I love you with all my heart.

I trust you and I know you're coming home to me.

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We are made for each other. Thats not something that can ever change. I know for a fact you told me the truth when you said these words to me. I know because of the way we were together, everything about us.

I won't lose you. I just won't.

Maria, I still think about our last conversation

"You have to wait for me"
I love you Maria with all my heart and I will wait as long as you need
"I love you too. That makes me feel at ease"
"I promise it will be Mike and Maria at the beach someday"

Maria, I love you, remember that

"You're the only thing that matters now, it's been like that for so long. Nothing will ever change that."

"Mike, I love you, remember that."

"I'm only yours Mike, I love only you"

"I'll always love you and care about you, no matter what. You mean so much. You complete me, I complete you."

"You're the only home I have free of judgment and anything that will upset me, I'm crying because I need you, this argument is temporary, but I'll always have that empty part needing you. I'm your home too. You are perfect. I love you more"

>>33822082
dude do u need to talk

need to write a scoial psychology paper
I picked the Yakuza as my topics
problem is I cant find nay research on it that isnt just criminology. pain in the ass writing these papers simply because there isnt enough research out there, even for a social group as big as the yakuza.

also I was in a different class and the professor said "youre getting an A" to some guy because he did an out of school activity for his class. Whilst I did 2 he didnt say that. fucking asshole

>>33822106
No worries. When the time comes I'll hear from her and we'll move forward together. I have faith and trust.

>>33822141
serious question, why don't u just meet her in person & fix whatever happened?

>have tons of issues with dating apps as a 20-34 year old guy, can never match with girls
>decide fuck it, try guys
>turns out i like it a lot and i get 45+ matches within two days
god damn gays have it so easy

I am looking for my sunshine
But it's so far away
I'm looking for the answer
But it's in outer space
When will you respond
To the cries of my life
I want to know the truth

A sun that glows, but not with light,
Its warmth is thick, its shine too bright.
It drips and oozes, brown and slow,
A stain across the world below.

The air is heavy, the ground is soft,
Life rises up, but something’s off.
And in the end, it’s clear, no myth
This sun above is made of shit.

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I'm horny enough that I can't stop thinking about sex, but not horny enough to get it up and deal with it. In the past 6 hours I've watched ten minutes of a YouTube video because I'm that distracted. I now need to force myself to jerk off to get on with my day. What a time to be alive.

>>33822215
>>33822219
<3

Imagine working this hard just so I can't earn any money at all

Morte et dabo

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theres been so much fgm talk lately because people found out about some subreddit where people got off to it i guess and god it fucking sucks to see
i straight up cant stomach the idea of ever being intimate with someone ever or people even remotely knowing that i’m disfigured now because of that shit and it really isnt helping with everyone suddenly aware of it and talking about it now and how fucked up it looks and whatever
like i know its gross and against nature and awful and whatever but i also cant fix it so i guess im just stuck being a fucked up freak where no one can see or know until i eventually neck myself because i am so alone and couldnt ever handle someone trying to touch me down there. i was supposed to get a pelvis years ago but i dont even know if that would work with the way it was done and im too afraid of letting a doctor know to even find out
this fucking sucks and i dont even have to usually think about it that much but so many people online have been talking about it and its inescapable right now so im just spiralling every time im logged in because i really just dont have any fucking options. its either someone whod get off on it which is already bad or people who would think it was awful and gross and would just put up with it

Fell asleep thinking of you. Woke up thinking of you. I really want to hold you again. If we had met at a better time, maybe it would have turned out differently. I don't want these thoughts anymore if I can't have you.

I've never wanted someone in my life so hard but she has a boyfriend. Fuck.

i can't give up even though they're hostile, it's a hostile world

Imagine fucking up your life at 23 and having to live in constant fear of being found out, of being fired, of where you're going to live next, and where you're going to get money
All because you thought you'd be sneaky and try to backstab others back
In the end of the day everything comes to life and reality is extremely harsh right now

i won't fight back, i'll take the high road

You decided to shack up with a shitty man and now you're going to face the consequences
No one else is to blame but yourself

It feels so bad to fall in love with someone whos taken. I would like to be honest with her. It might be a bit too intense and too early to say it this way but I want to love her and I see myself spending the rest of my life with someone like her. We basically met because we share the same hobby. I can't tell her the truth just yet because I risk losing her for the project we have in common over my feelings.

If I was completely truthful with her, I would say to her something like this: "Hey, how are you doing? I hope you're doing fine. There's something very important I need to tell you. In all honesty, I've liked you ever since I met you. I've never felt this way before for someone, it feels as if a beam of light suddenly enlightened my darkest path. You're so beautiful, charismatic and smart. You're valuable. Not only to me, I feel as if your mere existence were a net positive in this world. I don't know exactly what it is, but it's a very unique feeling each time I look at you, that I have to repress everytime because I know it'd hurt. We understand each other so well, we get along and I enjoy spending time with you a lot. I don't want to make you feel worse for this, but this is something I need to tell you because it's actively eating me up inside. I wouldn't be honest with myself if I didn't tell you how I feel about you. I just wanted you to know that I will always feel this way no matter what, but I hope it's not a deterrent to keep hanging out and sharing [insert our common hobby activities] together. Even then, this is me. There's no way around it. I just wanted you to let you know, as it might help me take this weight off my shoulders. I wish I could say that I love you."

Anything I could improve upon? Should I speak to her about this in person only? or at all?

Man, my autism and racism have clashed into each other again resulting in yet another public nuclear tard attack. I tried to go to the park today, and they were having a whole ass pow wow that no one warned me of. I have a complicated relationship with injuns as they are
, what queers say, my special interest, but I have had an extensive history of getting bullied by them mainly again because I’m super autistic about them and I’m a proud aryan soldier. I started crying because I felt shame for race mixing, and they could all tell I committed race mixing (I’m 7 months pregnant) My husband then got mad at me because he’s very trad Cheyenne and feels like he can’t associate with his people because I’ve been conditioned to sperg out and cry whenever I see redskins. I feel like people will judge my daughter and think she has Down’s syndrome because I race mixed. I also feel like my husband will prefer his full blood daughter just because she’s full blood. I can’t say this to my husband, which is the only person I trust, because of how stupid/outrageous it sounds so I just get upset and cry.

it's just a means to an end

I saw something horrible and now I'm freaking out

I just want to have friends. I'm so alone. Every time I try to step out of my shell, every time I try to be bold, I'm beaten back into hiding. It's horrible.

Sometimes when people complain about being raped they just feel kind of whiny
Like holy shit a mildly violent unwanted sexual encounter and they're scarred FOR LIFE. I'd be over it in a week

Faggot niggers really banned me for a week for saying gay niggers spread aids. I thought this was america
>>33824040
Nobody wants you

>>33822213
>>33822215
>>33822219

>All because you thought you'd be sneaky and try to backstab others back ( >>33823249 )

You deserve the bad ending.

>>33823204
What if she's doesn't? Just ask her out

>>33824237
She was single for a very brief period of time after we already met which further discourages me from trying as it makes me feel I wasn't even an option, but eventually I will tell her about it anyways. There's more to lose if I don't.

>>33823597
I'm in a situation where I'm the person in a relationship and even though I find them attractive, I would be kinda freaked out if the other person told me this. Whatever you do, do not say

>I will always feel this way no matter what

Guaranteed it's gonna be

>a deterrent to keep hanging out and sharing [insert our common hobby activities] together.

I have dreams of my ex boyfriend a couple times a month they are really pleasant then I wake up
I hate having dreams like that i still don’t understand why he left me for a tranny (not a joke)

>>33826162
Yeah I was feeling a bit too intense there and got carried away by my obsession. On second thought, no way I would say half of what I said there, much less in person. I'd be way more brief and 'methodical'. Thanks for the input.

>>33826179
That's fucked up

>namefags
>posting in gioyc threads all day
consider suicide you fucking losers

>>33826431
Best of luck anon