>almost 30 year old male>no friends since I was 15>never been to a social event or party that wasn't through work - no real life experiences (was a depressed, socially anxious neet from 17-25)>okay job making okay money with my own car>working with only other guy in my workplace office (get along great but he's older and married)>living with my mom but taking care of all the billsThe past year my male equivalent of a biological clock started ticking but beyond that, I started feeling lonely for the first time in my life. I really want somebody to speak to about random shit at times. I have a brother and sister but they got married and don't really have time for me anymore (married, kids etc). I'm always the one calling them and asking how they're doing. I don't know how to get out of this rut. People my age don't really make friends, they have acquaintances and their real core friend circle is what they made young. And even if I do meet someone (where?) I have zero contacts or associates. No social media. I effectively don't exist. I'm a loser with no social status and I can't change that.I'm rambling a bit, but how do I cope with loneliness at this point in my life? I really just want somebody to love and who loves me back.
Bump.
Do you have pets?
>>33817350I do, I have a cat. I love her a lot but it’s no substitute for human companionship or being able to call someone at the end of a long day.
>>33817358Like you have no friends at all
>>33817369Zero friends. Nill. Nada.
>>33817395Do you go to church
>>33817412No.
Hey dude,I don't really have any good advice for you but wanted to give you a bump cus I'm in a similar position.Turning 39 next week, none of these things have really born fruit for me but...>joined the local archery club. turned out to be led by fuckwits but still 3+ friends up, shot a deer which I'm still eating, increased social status by being that intriguing guy that gets after elusive animals in super challenging territory>joined the local volunteer fire service, held in high regard but met a girl who has completely mindfucked me for the last 5 monthsshe saw my loneliness and desperation and turned it into a game which i am now just starting to disengage from - a swing and a miss. it has allowed me to learn more about how desperate i am and the red flags that a potential match will throw at me- more's to the point, the things that I need to avoid in order to find someone who actually cares about me>started to learn about attachment styles and learned that I'm hopelessly anxiously attached at this point and will be someone's fucking dog begging for scraps>leaning into every positive interaction I have and realising that most people don't have fuckloads of connections, just a few people that they message every so oftennot sure how to do cuddles or anything that actually counts, if you figure that out let me know
>>33817209> male equivalent of a biological clock started tickingOh really,.you want kids? Anyway, it's obvious what you should be doingMeet new people and get to know them and all that boring bullshit
>>33817209If you want a woman and kids you'll have to play the dating game.If you want friends, go to group places and clubs. You might needs to spend some money for the hobby. I personally enjoy going to gaming stores and playing Magic The Gathering. Kind of expensive though, so you might like something else. Online video game groups are great for not spending a night alone. Just start playing something and meet people randomly or look for something specifically grouped. Coping is just a matter of distracting yourself with something to do. But the real hard part is going to be when you're in bed at night, alone.
>>33817462That’s good to hear man, it seems like you’re at least on an upwards path to progress.That girl you mentioned, I’m kind of worried about that for myself too. Not so much the manipulation but my years of loneliness being converted into desperation.>>33817478I get that man, I even tried a few hobbies like larping. It just wasn’t for me, I don’t get how people go from just friends to something deeper.>>33817500I just find it hard to think that I’ll be able to meet somebody that can overlook almost a decade of social exclusivity from me, I really do want a wife, kids and a happy marriage. More than anything.
I'm 25 now. I've always strived for love. I was quite successful before isolating myself during my teens. Before that, everything happened naturally despite me being a shy kid. I had one relationship as a teenager, but I was too far gone at that point to actually commit. Since then, I've confessed my feelings twice - once in high school and once in university - but I was basically brushed off both times. It's understandable, since I didn’t really spend time with those girls - I only chatted with them in DMs because of the social anxiety that developed during the isolation I indulged in as a teen.Since then, I've had only one friend I genuinely felt comfortable with and enjoyed spending time with. I tried to make other friends, but spending time with them was always a struggle - I couldn't feel natural around them.My attempts to find love came to a halt in my second year of university. After dropping out, I returned to my hometown, but there were no people I could possibly connect with (it's a rough city in Siberia - depressive, with terrible ecology). So I mostly focused on learning programming during that time.I moved to another country after the events of 2022. I'm not a citizen here, and I struggle a lot with finding remote work because of my never-ending social anxiety. There have been no attempts to find love since then. Basically, I haven't had a casual conversation with a girl since dropping out of university - or with guys, for that matter. It's just been my family all this time.I was okay with that for the past five years, but for some reason, the desire for love has awakened again recently, despite my difficult financial situation. Maybe it's because I can't fix my financial problems due to social anxiety, and I want to avert my gaze toward love instead. Depression plays a part, too.So, I don't really know what lies ahead for me. I guess just staying alive and making humble attempts to overcome my social anxiety is the best I can do for now.
>>33817861I’m OP. I had moderate social anxiety when I was younger, but it grew uncontrollable after my dad passed away in my late teens. It wasn’t until I was forced to work full time that the constant exposure outside to different people and different situations slowly grinders it down. It wasn’t easy, it’s hard to keep a job when you have social anxiety and trouble speaking to others. Gl anon.
Beyond looking for people in clubs and social spaces, and having hobbies/things to talk about, to make friends you actually have to put effort into contacting people. Like you said, a lot of people already have friend groups--but that doesn't mean they aren't looking for friends. People aren't always as close as you'd think to their old friends; everyone changes interests over time and it can become more difficult to make plans with the same people after long. My friend's college group started splitting off in their mid-20s to hang with other people. My friend himself is 30 and also has new friends he ditched me for, bitch.Most of the time just talking about things you like, acting interested, and reaching out will get other people to like you. It just takes time; sometimes a lot depending on who you're with. Just don't try to rush things or you'll push them away. And don't spend all your time on one person. Even if you really click it's good to have other options. Within reason anyway; you can appear disinterested if you're trying to hide being clingy or whatever. It's just something you'll figure out the more time you spend with others. Also if you notice that, after a while, you're still doing all the heavy lifting socially then you should move on. Usually people I stay long term friends showed interest relatively quickly and it didn't feel like i was constantly fighting for their attention.
>>33817209Hey man, I'm 32 and I'm the same as you with one key difference.I used to be the fun loving happy-go-lucky popular handsome guy. I went to lots of parties, had lots of friends, had sex with lots of girls, did lots of drugs, so on and so forth.Then I had my life blown upside down by an ex, to the point where I needed to move countries just to escape her torment. Ever since I've grown bitter, resentful, furious at everyone including myself, and eventually just self isolated.All my charisma and popularity? Gone, never existed, I have nothing to show for it.Remind yourself that you aren't missing much and the grass is never greener. Despite our life paths being extremely different, we still reached the same destination in the end regardless, and fight the same struggle. It is what it means to be a man.Surround yourself with likeminded individuals who support you beyond social niceities, and be kind to others. That is my only advice.
>>33817209Love yourself my nword and be your own friend. There's incredible freedom in being alone. Use it.
>>33817444Get some social hobbies
>>33817209“People my age don’t really make friends.”Do you really have proof that nobody your age makes friends?The truth is you’re going to have to push yourself to attend social events. This could be church groups, hobby clubs you find on Meetup, or other local gatherings. Prepare a few simple lines to start conversations. Some people will be interested in talking, and some will not. That’s normal and it’s not personal.Focus on asking open-ended questions and being genuinely curious about others. If it feels right, exchange Instagram handles or contact info so you can stay in touch.
Here's what you going to do:Tomorrow morning when you wake up you call your boss and say you're not coming in; say you have a migraine; say you have a stomach flu.Say whatever you want but you're taking a sick day. Then I want you to log in whatever streaming service you like, find Better Call Saul and start at Season 1 Episode 1.then you're gonna watch. You're not gonna look at your phone, you're not gonna leave it playing while you talk to your roommate, you're not gonna look away for one second.What are you gonna do? Say it. Doesn't matter if you think it's too slow, you don't fast forward, you don't skip, you don't watch at 1.5x speed, you watch the whole damn thing - beginning to end. Then, and only then, you go to this thread and cope about your loneliness. Got it? Tell me you understand.
>>33817209Since you're almost 30 and this is the first time you started feeling lonely I take it you like to keep to yourself. Going to bars or social events it's just statistically unlikely that you will find someone similar in that regard. But it's obvious that you need to get in the habit of talking to (different) people. I dont mean building "social skill", you need to be able to be your actual self and not a smalltalk machine. Maybe go to a random bar two hours away and tell some random your lifestory and Insecurities or something, just for practice.
>>33817209>be 32>pretty much the same store but even more dramatic>been working on this issue for a whileFirst, hobbies. You need a fucking hobby. It's healthy for you, and a great gateway to contact other people.It doesn't matter what it is. Just pick something you enjoy, and look for a group that does that. People are social and will congregate even for non social hobbies. Book clubs, painting and drawing groups, poetry reading, photographer groups... Whatever it is, there's people getting together to do it. You like painting miniature napoleonic soldiers? There's probably a whole community nearby. Sports? Videogames? Hacking old school arcade machines? Whatever the fuck it is, start doing it more and find other people who also do it.You can also check if there's a subreddit for your city and ask there. "So I've been feeling a bit lonely lately, anyone who likes going to bars and having a drink?" You'll probably find people.Check out events going on in your city. Join. Don't be afraid of approaching people. I literally got a group of friends by walking up to them and going "yo I'm xxx, I'm looking for some new friends. Mind if I join you all?" Sure I also got some rejection other times. Wish them a good one and leave. Try another group, or another night.The big key is that you're enjoying yourself, and you need something you like doing for that.Deep friendships take longer, sure, but you gotta start somewhere. You never know when you'll come across that one other nerd who you really mesh with.The next problem is this kind of shit >>33817462. But you won't even figure out where you've got something to fix yourself before you get yourself out there.
>>33818226Thanks anon.>Also if you notice that, after a while, you're still doing all the heavy lifting socially then you should move on.Agreed.>>33818261Thanks anon, best of luck.>>33818630>>33818714>>33819095I don't really do much, I'll have to actually look at what to do beyond doom-scrolling all the time.
>>33817209Am 23, same situation as you OP, life is progressing pretty much as I feared at 16. Going to church helped me get a little more confident socially, but often I stop talking to others/ meeting their eyes, and don't really fit in, in general. I know I have to do something to re-enter society, even progressing with my career probably won't achieve this. Totally at a loss.
>>33821663Does social media really matter at all after 16?
