>>33818287
more like she fucked some dude who didn't give her the time of day because he saw what a filthy slut she is.
Don't shit where you eat, focus on your degre, you sperg.

>>33818294
Really? A woman has a vague dating history with a guy who was a jerk to her, and your first thought is 'filthy slut'? That says a hell of a lot more about your own bitterness than it does about her.

>>33818323
you're putting some slut who dates retards on a pedestal, moron.
That degree is a waste of paper if you're that stupid. Don't get attached to holes who aren't your immediate family, ever.

>>33818357
Only a worthless NEET retard calls someone getting a master's stupid. School's easy.

Save your cope. You're the same faggot who'd be whining "should've dated in your peak" if I actually listened to your bullshit.

>>33818287
Despite how gratuitously rude >>33818294 seems to be about the girl herself, I'd say your concerns about making the dynamic within your masters class weird are not only perfectly valid, they are reason enough not to pursue anything. But what do I know? Maybe the two of you are mature enough that this could go somewhere. Just don't be the one to screw things up: if you really can't help yourself, be extra friendly, maybe, but don't make a move yourself.

If the girl is interested, she'll make it painstakingly obvious. If she moves onto someone else, you weren't that special to her and you're not missing out on anything.

>>33818401
>Only a worthless NEET retard calls someone getting a master's stupid.
Not that anon, but get off your high horse. I've spoken to plenty of unintelligent PhD students and professors alike. Tunnel vision is a common affliction among them. Don't forget there's a committee that grants you the title and at the end of the day, the quality of their scrutiny is what gives meaning to that piece of paper. Humility will take you far in life, even when others don't deserve it.

>>33818401
I dated in my peak and it led me nowhere.
The only thing I'm advising you is spare yourself the heartbreak, be that immediate rejection, or the realisation she's fucking someone else 3 to 5 years down the line.
Holes are for fucking, not to be idolized.
Shoot your shot, if it works fuck her. If not, the rest of your schooling will be weird being in her presence

>>33818420

Thanks a lot, anon.
Hey, what are some signs she's actually interested? She asked a lot about my job and shit as well, but I can't tell if she's just being polite. Also, how do I handle the end of the date and follow up without fucking it up? Any tips for the end of the date, like when to kiss and what to say after?

>>33818429
I think we just have different definitions of success here. Actually, I'm looking for something more stable and long-term now. The whole "fuck her and duck out" thing is what led me to this point.

Other than that, you're right, she does match my vibes. But we could also cope and admit I'm the red flag here. I've only ever used dating apps and have like +5 exes from long-term relationships that led nowhere. Even better, the further I go, the more I realize I was the piece of shit as well, not just them. Maybe this time I try not to be...

>>33818447
What fucking date idiot? Your idealized planned town tour guide schtick?
Get real, yhe's gonna think you're a creep and say no.

>>33818469
>he thinks having a personality and a plan is creepy
lol. lmao even.

At least it's a fucking plan and not just "wanna hang out?" It shows I put in more thought than a goldfish. Lay it out, Mr. Rizz. What's your foolproof method? "Wanna grab a drink?" Fucking revolutionary.

>>33818494
>. What's your foolproof method? "Wanna grab a drink?"
Not That Anon, but yes, that would be a much better plan. It's important not to come on too strong too quickly. Making a massive production out of it makes you look like someone who has already decided that he's in love and wants to get married before the first date has even happened; you really don't want to do that. Keep it very light and low-pressure until you are sure she is actually interested in dating you. At that point you can do something more interesting and complicated.

>>33818447
NTA but a clear sign a girl likes you is is she makes time to be around you and will reach out first over communication or IRL. Texting you first unprompted, going out of her way to say hi to you, etc.
When you ask her out, make sure you ASK HER OUT. Something unambiguously a date, some evening activity with the two of you together. Not "hanging out," not "spending time as friends," you are taking this woman out with the intent of courting her.
I was in a similar position to you, in my PhD program there was a girl who I crushed on in spite of having a GF and I considered dumping my GF to try to be with her but never had the courage. I think there were some mutual feelings at some point but the situation was too gooped. The GF I had at the time eventually left me so it didn't matter anyway.

>>33818447
There's no real point in looking for signs: anything more intimate than what you think close friends should do is likely already romantic. Friends don't hold hands. Friends don't really cuddle (at least not with guys). Friends don't have you pay for their meals or movie tickets. You don't have to look for a sign that approves you making moves, since the point is not making them. Just do what feels good and let her make herself closer to you.

>Also, how do I handle the end of the date and follow up without fucking it up? Any tips for the end of the date, like when to kiss and what to say after?
Don't call it a date, so that nothing seems forced. You're just hanging out with someone from class. End the "date" by commenting on the outing itself. If you had fun, say so: "hey I really had fun today, it was funny when you [...], and you look really pretty when you [...]. Let me know if you'd like to check out [other spot]. See you in class?" If you didn't have fun, congrats, you kind of already gave it a try and it didn't work out. If she inches closer than when she's talking to you after your sincere comments, you can choose to do the same and see how she responds. Maybe try giving her a kiss, and if she retreats, apologize and say you misread something. Or you can choose to just smile longingly in silence for a little bit and then go your separate ways. That'll build up her feelings if she likes you.

Note that it's okay to say something like "is this when I'm supposed to kiss you? Or did I misunderstand?" but only if the "date" is going very well and you're both smiling and taking a long time to say goodbye.

>>33818951
Yeah, I see your point.
Thing is, she's the one who literally said she was new in town and would love to look around.So I told her she could hit me up, and just got back a "okay/maybe." That was it. It didn't go bad, just went nowhere. Maybe I need to be more direct next time...

We actually had a one-on-one at the uni cafe a while back, before the beer, but the timing was all wrong - I wasn't looking to date anyone then and the rest of the group was busy, but she was the one who was like "fuck it, let's go for coffee anyway." So it ended up being just the two of us then.

The problem now is her job. It's not an excuse, she's literally always doing overtime. I'm hesitant because if I ask her out and she says no, I don't want to get stuck overthinking whether the 'no' was because of not being interested in me or just because her job is hell.

>>33818995
I'm hesitant about initiating contact first because of past experiences. I've often had to do all the work, unable to tell if a girl was interested or just being polite, only to find out later that she was interested and I missed my chance.

With this situation, we texted yesterday after I got back home, and I started the chat today, though she did ask me a question later. The most flirtatious we got was making some sex jokes about being a top or bottom, during the party. We also shared some personal relationship stories. I told her about my past, and all she said was that she felt sorry for me and, 'Hope you will find who you're looking for.' That sounds like such a corporate HR line that it could mean anything. On the other hand, she did ask me to message her when I got home and even asked to take the tram with her to find a better spot for my Uber...

I want to believe she's just guarded or has a defense mechanism up because she was with some guy who gave her mixed signals. For now, I'll just be super friendly with her and the rest of the group. I’ll wait until next friday or two and ask her - and see how it goes then.

>>33819003
Getting too comfortable in the "close friend" lane is how you end up friendzoned. Fucking hell. Avoid that shit at all costs.

The plan is to try and get her somewhere 1-on-1 at uni first. My main problem is how the fuck do I separate her from the group without them, or her, knowing what I'm doing? I don't want to be like "hey everyone FUCK OFF I need to talk to her alone". Just gotta hope they all leave at the same time or some shit, I don't know. Or maybe I should count on them to get the hint and bail? probably not lol

If I can manage that without fucking it up, I'll look for something in the city. The zoo sounds like the most reddit-tier date idea ever kek, but it would probably work. If any of you anons have better ideas for spots, feel free to share.

Thanks a lot for the write-up anon, and for the rest of you here. Actually solid advice. If the thread stays alive through the weekend maybe I'll let you all know how it's going. Thanks again for the advice <3

>>33818287
If your PhD program is basically your only social circle, and you rely on them for your social needs and no one else, then it's understandable why you're apprehensive, and I wouldn't do it.

But
If you have several social circles, then this shouldn't matter that much to you, because you can always pull away for a while and enjoy your other friends until you feel comfortable enough to come back. You can definitely try to date the girl and still have it not be awkward. It's part of being an adult, if she seems like the type of girl that isn't drama then you are good to go.

Personally, I wouldn't go for a girl unless she seems interested in me, and she seems like a good person, aka someone that won't tattle tale or spread shit about you. Someone who can be asked out, reject the other person, and still be friends and not weird.
From what you typed, she seems interested in you, the other parts only you know.

Good luck brother!

>>33818468
The guy that you're answering to apparently just managed to totally fail, didn't he?

>>33819230
You're sweet op, didn't see your reply until I already posted, I'm this guy >>33819260

But I have some things to add, not pertinent advice but some personal insights from my journeys.

So I was a total hermit this March, and then I started going to meetups, being outside a lot, meeting a fuckload of people every week. With time, I became comfortable with being around people, also with time I became comfortable being myself around others, and also also with time - I started to lose the immense pressure I felt whenever I asked a person to hang out. It used to be that I thought I would be bothering someone if I ask them to hang out. Such a strong feeling it was that I basically didn't ask anyone to hang out ever and if I did it was like through chat because I was scared to ask IRL.

Point of this story is that, at the point I am today, when I'm with a person and they make me feel good, and valued and seen and heard, and I see genuine excitement from them and feel good energies from them and I feel special and not just like another guy to them, then I literally just tell them that I love hanging out with them and I ask if they want to hang out. It's literally just being asked to hang out - BECAUSE I LIKE YOU.
Nothing else.
I don't think there's a person in this WORLD that isn't flattered when I ask them to hang out simply because I like who they are as a human. It's a super positive thing to do. And as for my motivations - I do it because I want good and nice and caring people around me, so I collect them like Pokemon!
And if they reject me, it's totally fine. Another person will come, alles is goed.
The point of telling you this is to let you see that **there's nothing wrong in asking her to hang out, simply because you enjoy her as a person**
Don't hide this fact from her, tell it to her! Show it to her. It's the biggest compliment you can give to a PERSON, in general, especially to a lady!

Keep it up brother

>>33819186
>For now, I'll just be super friendly with her and the rest of the group. I’ll wait until next friday or two and ask her - and see how it goes then.
Exactly the wrong approach, she's gonna start to see you "as a friend" at this rate.
Women know whether or not they want to fuck you in the first few seconds of meeting you. If she was comfortable enough to open up to you and joke about sex, how much more do you need?

>>33818287
This retard will ask 100 people and still end up listening to his dick.

>>33819336
That's the thing, her signals are a mixed bag. Like I already said, after I told her about my dating background, she said, "hope you find someone then," which could be a polite dismissal or her hinting that it could be her.

And yeah, we were joking about top/bottom when she told me I'd have to "get used to being a bottom." But I'm also factoring in that she has her guard up from an ex who catfished her.

Point taken, though. I won't come across as desperate.

>>33819446
At least I'm not taking advice from some anon who worships a shitty flashlight and cries to his hand. You keep screaming about your "standards" and whatever the fuck else you got. I'll be busy with a real woman, and yeah, I'm gonna slap her ass and get her pregnant, and the whole time I'll be thinking about how much it's making you fucking cry.

>>33819483
Honestly dude it sounds like she's not interested. Women move heaven and earth for guys they want to fuck. If she's "keeping her guard up" around you then it's probably less to do with her ex and more to do with you.
Yes, I think not appearing desperate and not orbiting her in public is a good thing, do that, but the sooner you actually get alone in an intimate setting with her the sooner you'll know for sure. Of course, there's the risk because if you do boof it you're in for several years of awkwardness (unless you meet a new girl you like, in which case you will find that her giving you sloppy toppy will mysteriously make you forget all about the first girl)

>>33819597
What the fuck am i supposed to do then, cause all of you have diffrent vibes jesus fucking chirst

>ONE GUY: "Don't do it, retard. Don't shit where you eat. She's a slut anyway."
>ANOTHER GUY: "Wait for her to make a move. Be passive so you don't fuck it up."
>A THIRD GUY: "ASK HER OUT. MAKE IT A REAL DATE. BE A MAN."
>A FOURTH GUY: "NO DON'T CALL IT A DATE, THAT'S TOO MUCH PRESSURE YOU KEK. JUST 'HANG OUT'."
>ANOTHER FAGGOT: "You need to do it NOW or you'll get friendzoned forever."
>YET ANOTHER RETARD: "Nah it already looks like she's not interested."

I came here with a simple question because I'm autistic and now I'm ten times more confused. Do I ask her out or not? Is she a whore or not? Am I supposed to be direct or subtle? Aggressive or passive? It's like four different schizophrenics are giving me advice at once.

>>33821188
You're the one asking for advice from all of us schizophrenic fags, so what does that make you?
Just FYI I've several of the "people" you think are telling you "different" things. I will lay out my full perspective clearly:
>She probably isn't interested because if she was, you'd almost certainly know
>You should still shoot your shot anyway because one life to live etc etc
>If you do shoot your shot, don't be lukewarm and try to be her "friend" first because you'll stay a friend. Be direct and get your answer
>Shitting where you eat may or may not be a big deal depending on your personality and ability to attract other women if things go south
I'm autistic too and I can somehow manage. You're the one getting yourself twisted into knots over this. It's really not a big deal.

>>33821547
>She probably isn't interested because if she was, you'd almost certainly know

See, that's the entire problem. I don't "just know."
My experience is all on Tinder where you both swiped right and know the score. In real life, things are way more vague. Any friendly gesture I/she did could be a sign, or it could just be politeness.

You don't "just know" - You have to gather clues.

Plus, you're missing the timeline. For the first two weeks of the semester, I literally thought she had a boyfriend. It’s only been since this thursday I even realized she was single. "Knowing" anything for sure in that short a time is impossible.
So yeah, I'm waiting until Monday to see what the vibe is after the party. It’s less about being twisted up and more not blowing up a new social circle immediately after one party lol

>>33818287
>My main dilemma is the 'don't date within your circle' rule.
>don't date at work
>don't cold approach strangers
>don't use apps
>don't try to hook up at a club
>what else?
All these so called "rules" are a load of horseshit. If you wanted to follow all of those, tell me how anyone would ever get into a relationship? Through arranged marriage with your second cousin?
>it gets super weird
You're a fucking autist to begin with. And this girl doesn't sound much better. How much more "weird" can it get?

>>33821612
>You don't "just know" - You have to gather clues.
Dude, yes you do. If she asks for your number, if she texts you first, if she's excited at the idea of spending time together, she likes you. Not rocket science.
In my experience, if I had to "look" for clues, then I was usually deluding myself. Every girl I've dated or even hooked up with that began with a meeting IRL and not on an app gave strong and obvious signs of interest in me.
>So yeah, I'm waiting until Monday to see what the vibe is after the party.
Ok so chill and make your move then. I guarantee you ruminating over it this much will set you up for failure. Hate to say it, but my read on the situation is you will get a polite rejection or she'll kick the can down the road with some indirect answer. But I am rooting for you. You just need to learn some outcome independence with women. I'm fucking 33 and have been in multiple relationships, even engaged, and a few months ago I still forgot that was rule number one and got crushed

>>33821624
Finally, a fucking sane person. This is my exact point. You're expected to follow every single one of these retarded reddit tier "rules" and then what? It's complete fucking nonsense.

>You're a fucking autist to begin with.
I'm not. I have to word shit like a sperg so you fags will actually read it instead of just calling me a redditor and hiding the thread. It's called knowing your audience. Unlucky.

>>33821612
>Any friendly gesture I/she did could be a sign, or it could just be politeness.
>You don't "just know" -
Correct.
>You have to gather clues.
Wrong. Precisely because there is no other reliable indicator, the way you find out if a woman is interested or not is: ask her out. If at all possible, ask her out within the first few hours. After that, then longer you wait, the more opportunities you are giving her to put you firmly in the "friend" part of her brain, from which there is no escape.

>>33821649
I mean... maybe? She got my number, but it was for a purely functional reason. The campus wifi requires a phone number to log in and hers was acting up. We joked about spam calling each other but that's about it.

And that shit about her texting first is pure cope, it's totally person-dependent. I've always had to be the one to lead the convo, even in the cases where it worked out. Anyways, messaged her today because we have some report to do and she replied pretty quick, said she will check it later and joked around for a bit.

The vibes feel fucking weird now. I really want to believe this will go well, but on the other hand, I'm scared of reality. Thanks for the advice and all the cheers though...

>>33821624
>don't date at work
>don't cold approach strangers
>don't use apps
>don't try to hook up at a club
These aren't "rules." These are guidelines to try and maintain a smooth life without spending too much superfluous time doing bullshit like chasing pussy to no avail.
Dating at work can be fine under the right circumstances but if you're pursuing someone in your immediate work colleague circle the consequences of it going poorly are disproportionate to the reward of it going well, usually anyway.
Cold approaching strangers is a 99% fail rate for men. Look up Brian Atlas' cold approach experiment for men vs women asking for straight up sex. And Brian Atlas wasn't bad looking in his prime and is at least 6 feet tall. Unless you're truly a shameless dog it's just a recipe for battering your self esteem over nothing.
I actually don't mind apps, I think a lot of the negativity towards them is just cope, but it is also true most women you meet on them are not wifey material
Hooking up at a club is dead unless you're handsome and suave enough to already do well at cold approach, at least in the US. You go to clubs with potential sex partners, not to meet them.
The average Western dude has a lifetime body count of like what, 5? Yeah these "rules" exist but it's only because by definition not every guy can be a top 10% man and it's more advantageous to just nut up and admit you're not that guy instead of becoming some emotionally damaged freak getting cheek bone surgery in Bosnia so you can "looksmax."

>>33821704
>She got my number, but it was for a purely functional reason. The campus wifi requires a phone number to log in and hers was acting up. We joked about spam calling each other but that's about it.
Sounds like a good sign to me. She could have done something else to log in like call IT but she specifically asked for your number.
>And that shit about her texting first is pure cope
In my lived experience there is a 1:1 correlation between girls who reached out to me first and girls who let me put my penis inside at least one of their holes. Kudos to you if you had different. Maybe you just never noticed the difference between cases where it "worked out" and it didn't.
>I really want to believe this will go well, but on the other hand, I'm scared of reality.
Just nut up and do it, or commit to the bit of doing your Masters and don't. Ultimately yes I do regret not having broken up in the LTR that failed anyway and just being a dog in my PhD program, but if that happened I might not be in my current very enjoyable career today. Either way this is what being a man is about.

>>33821701
>You have to ask her out within the first few hours or she'll friendzone you.
Lmao, no. This "immediate sprint to the date" PUA logic works precisely one place: a high-volume, disposable environment (like a loud club) where stakes are zero and nobody remembers your face.

This is a Uni Environment.I will run into her. I will have mutual classes. Reputation less or more, for me, matters. Once again, I literally thought she had a boyfriend, and I dont like to watch - so I was uninterested.

And before you guys start sexualizing the situation and imagining some 10/10 smoke show, I'll be real. She's honestly pretty unattractive. This isn't about some hot girl you have to lock in immediately.

>>33821731
She didn't "specifically ask" for my number. Her wifi login wasn't working. I was the one who offered to put my number in so she could get on the network. She just agreed because it was the easiest solution in that moment (i'm coping).
Yeah, I initiated the help. Go ahead, call me a simp now.

>>33821733
Not that anon but I'm this anon >>33821731
Immediately asking out in the first few hours is indeed disposable mentality but I also said in other replies the longer you wait the slimmer your chances become.
>Once again, I literally thought she had a boyfriend, and I dont like to watch
Dude, YOU are the one giving mixed signals. Is she acting interested or isn't she? She's asking for you number and meeting one on one, but giving you hot and cold sex jokes? Again, I think you need to brace yourself for the possibility of being delulu
>She's honestly pretty unattractive. This isn't about some hot girl you have to lock in immediately.
Guarantee you 50% of your male colleagues are at least vaguely considering getting into her pants. And even then you must really have no options if some mid in your immediate work circle is the target of your affections.
IDK what to tell you man. I'm an insomniac in the US, I wanna go back to bed now because it's Saturday morning and I can sleep in. If I were you, I'd ask her out and just be prepared for the fallout and answer. DO NOT make a big dramatic deal about it, just invite her out to do something together. NOT coffee. NOT dinner, but leave the option open to get dinner after whatever the thing is ("multiple dates" in one night technique works well). Just do it and leave us alone.

>>33821769
Yeah, that other anon is a tourist who didn't read the fucking thread. Classic.
>Giving her my number was a helpful exchange, not a "hey I think you're cute" exchange. Big difference.
>hung out one-on-one by sheer accident because everyone else left
>walked her to the tram like a good little simp

The most telling piece of information is her response when I directly offered to help her get to know the city. A "yeah/maybe" is a very clear, albeit polite, indicator. But on the other hand, like I said times before, just now I know she doesn't have a BF and maybe first I should start with something smaller...

>>33818287
Women will literally ask you to be their husband and then be like "Oh no, not like that!" when you try to get romantic with them.
Nigga, you are in your own head. Just ask her out and she will say yes or she will say no, it is like ripping off a bandaid.
>Reputation
Rejections increase your reputation. If you ask her out and she says no and tell her friends, now all her friends also know that you're single and they will feel less shy about pursuing you if they want you.

>>33821843
Yeah ok, and then what, faggot? Where the fuck am I supposed to take her?
Half of you retards say "just ask her for coffee," then the other half shrieks about how that's a "low-effort interview" and cringe. Then they say "do a real date night," but nigga we're both wiped out by 6pm. She's also got some bullshit corpo work thing that fucks her schedule sideways.

We're on a massive uni campus. Is the mall next to campus completely autistic? Like just grab some shitty Panda Express, sit down or go shopping together. It's right there, it's not some gay, try-hard "reddit-tier" date. It feels like the only option that isn't a logistical nightmare.

Give me something that isn't gay. What's the move here?

>>33821188
>>33821883
I wrote you two comments of advice that you didn't even reply to, and instead you're out here calling other repliers faggots, you're a faggot, autistic, and I'm surprised you're even able to write a coherent sentence let alone do a phd

The way you type is so fucking cringe, I doubt you're ready to have a gf, you got way more advice than 95% of all threads get on /adv/ and your response is "give me something that isn't gay", you're just disregarding all types of advice and whining and crying and bitching and moaning - it's clear that you're just scared and you ain't gonna do anything about this girl so quit wasting people's time

Alright, update.
Spoke to her again. I initiated on the DMs, but she was engaged - asked me questions, we joked around. The vibe wasn't "get away from me creep," it was just… normal. Which for my ass is basically a green light.

Since this thread is a schizophrenic + sausage fest mess of advice, I asked some female friends. Summary below.
> Friend 1: "Yeah you're fucking retarded and shouldn't have said that shit at the tram stop, but you're overthinking it. Just ask her for coffee and see if she agrees. The worst she can do is say no, you idiot."
>Friend 2: "Okay, also confirming your retardation. But here's an actual plan: Sit next to her in class. Either slide her a note during the lecture or just catch her after and say something like 'Hey, I feel bad about what I said earlier, I didn't mean it that way. Would you let me apologize/make it up to you over coffee sometime?'"
Going with Friend 2's plan. It gives me a concrete reason to ask her out instead of just seeming random. It’s a solid excuse to reset the vibe.
Plus, I know she's into the emo/rocker look. I've got that covered without looking desperate.

Will try it next week. Later, fags.