Are you a fat girl OP?

>>33820567
No, fuck being fat, I'm fit. He's the one who's let himself go lately and has been trying unsuccessfully through radical diets to slim down (has an eating disorder). Why?

The idealized version is more on a mental and emotional level than physical, from what I can tell.

>>33820576
>The idealized version is more on a mental and emotional level than physical, from what I can tell.
Is the idealized version healthier and happier than you are now?

>>33820611
In his head, likely. So long as I align with his values, ideas, expectations and make myself comfortable into the role he's envisioned for me

>>33820576
OP you have Chad energy, much respect.

Your bf wants you to comfort him for being a fat fuck, don't fall for it. He wants you to be nice to him and make him think there's nothing wrong with him. Gas light him

why are men so vicious constantly trying to shape women into their idea of what a woman should be? guess it's fine to an extent everybody tries that but so many women's hearts get dismissed for reasons such as 'u a woman u dont know what u want' 'u have no agency' etc. like are men even for real? imagine being told that you're not a being with their own will, dreams or hopes and that someone else has to shape them into the better version. no wonder so many women put up walls around them and shut men out completely and then they become frustrated confused and blame women for no longer giving them the love they deserve or for looking the other way

OP whatever he's trying to do, hold on to your inner self

Just be your non-idealized self. If he's not fine with that then he doesn't actually love YOU, for better or worse.

I only want my girlfriend to be herself with me. That's how I know that we are each other's completely. I don't want lies

>>33820630
>So long as I align with his values, ideas, expectations and make myself comfortable into the role he's envisioned for me
(NTA) We need more detail. What, precisely, do you feel he's trying to turn you into, how do you know that's what he wants, and how does it differ from who you are?

>>33821581
It's a long story, but what hit me hardest was his sudden shift towards having children asap, and how he dismissed my concerns by saying "I'm a woman, so I don't know what I want so he has to tell me what's best." Even though we had both been neutral on the subject and I had shared my own thoughts on this and insisted on what I need to feel secure before proceeding with this. I've always been honest with him from day 1 of relationship about what I can do, what I cannot, what I need, etc. so we would not waste each other's time

In that moment, he completely erased my identity and authority, making me feel like the non-entity my family has always treated me as who can't have my own thoughts, feelings, or needs without them being influenced by others. This isn't the first time he's belittled me like this, and I’ve realized he probably only pretends to listen to me. I open up to him, but he doesn't care beyond formality and just keeping things from escalating. He's focused on his own stuff (physically present, but glued to his computer all day)

He agrees to my objections, but only so he can wait me out, eventually steering things toward what he wants, for his own comfort. He's charismatic, manipulative even, and I'm starting to realize I'm just part of his relational strategy to keep everything in check and going the way he wants it to. It's been this way for a while, I've sacrificed my own needs and choices for him, and keeps pushing for more, he even gave me an indirect warning/ultimatum to pressure me into the latest thing: “If we dont have kids we won't get along well and your worries/predictions of doom might come true”

I've cried so much these days, feels like I’m grieving something that broke inside me. I can't see him the same way anymore and I also feel utterly stupid for believing or hoping he'd be different than all the people in my life dismissing me and using me for his ideals

>>33822087
And this is after 6 years of relationship and him still telling me 1-2 years ago that he'll love me and never abandon me no matter what, even if we don't have kids. I can't trust anymore

>>33822087
Well, if you've really tried talking to him about how his behavior makes you feel and he brushes you off, it sounds like the relationship is already past the point of salvaging. Especially if he himself indirectly threatened to leave you if you didn't do what he wanted, since he thinks he has all the power over you right now.
In a healthy relationship, one partner will help the other try and be the best version of themselves while still accepting the person they are in that moment. If he has no interest in loving you as you are, you have no obligation to "improve yourself" for his sake.

>>33820566
just start a fight about it a physical fight film it too for blackmail so make sur ehes going to react