HALLOWEEN EDITION
I miss the autistic bpd girl, its been 6 months, I will message her again this Friday. I have changed a lot, im sober, im not a NEET anymore, and I did this all because I want to be in her life again. I also have come to realize that while I dont particularly hate my friends I simply dont enjoy being around them. Part of me feels bad about the idea of leaving them behind, but sometimes I feel as if id be better off alone or moving on. I dont want to feel guilty for not staying up till 2am in discord, I don't want to smoke weed and sit on a couch for hours, I dont want to have people talk about politics when its only brought up to be annoying. Im sure someday ill look back and miss it, but ive been stagnant for so long ive come to hate the things that once gave me comfort or I used to escape from reality. I want it to hurt, I want it to change, and I need it to change because I dont want to keep living a life where id rather kill myself at 30 than keep existing. If im going to kill myself id like to try growing a spine and trying the things I wanted to do as a kid at first, even if I suck. Putting myself out there is just scary and id hate for others irl to perceive me, I feel comfy online where no one knows my name.
They don't care about my feelings
>>33833061Someone cares. And they hear you.
