>>33833129
Put her on lamictal. Up to 400 mg a day

>>33833137
She's currently in therapy - started recently after a DUI and a DV charge for hitting me with a thrown knife (she called the cops on herself), and will be going on an antipsychotic early next month. I know drugs + therapy has a very good chance of helping with BPD but can take 6 months to years. So we need a short term safety plan still.

It's ridiculously hard because in those moments in that spiral she WANTS to be hurt, to be raped, to be coerced by a cartel, whatever, and the normal decent thing you would do (respect and adults wishes and back off) is explicitly what she's saying ahead of time NOT to do and what will very clearly land her in very bad situations and has done so many times before.
She's been raped many, many times before we started dating and it's somewhat miraculous she hasn't afterwards given the situations she's put herself in - but I guess luckily it's only been like a dozen times in 17 months instead of 4 times a week before that. It's just my ethics have always been consent, listen to what people say, never ever use force except in self defense, and doing what she's asking me to do and what might actually help her runs contrary to that and that just completely eats me up and shatters my entire world view.

>>33833153
this isn't your problem to fix and this is going to eat away and whittle you away until you're a nub. so my advice is:

a) find a partner who you won't have to constantly chaperone because her disorder causes her to go out and get fucked by other dudes while doing drugs and probably getting stis

b) awaken your inner white trash scumbag and be hyper aggressive when she's spiralling. get in her face, you've probably got like 150 lbs on her and probably half a foot or an entire full foot on her so just grab her by the neck and make like she's a dog

>>33833361
He's just doing emotion porn anon this likely never even happened. Like is that seriously the response to reccomending a specific medication?

>>33833129
return her to the manufacturer and get a working replacement.

>>33833401
IDC but it is true and it shattered my world view too - didn't think shit like this was real.

>>33833129
You need to leave her for the sake of your own sanity. I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear.

>>33833476
It isn't what I want to hear but it isn't like I haven't heard it many times. From my friends, family, her family, her ex hookups - take your pick. IDK wtf is wrong with me that I don't want to / haven't. Probably doesn't help that I was in a 10 year relationship involving narcissistic abuse and my self esteem is in the toilet and I feel like this is the first an only person who has ever seen me as sexy / cared about me / really wanted to get to know everything about me that I could share anything with and all of htat.

>>33833361
Regarding A), when she dissappeared with random guys all night as has happened several times, I think she specifically picked guys that weren't likely to actually rape her and that's why it didn't happen.

Regarding B, what do you think I meant by physically forcing her into the car? This was just the first time I've done that (used force).

>>33833129
>How should I deal with this crazy shit?
don't.
there are really only two options:
1. meds
2. if the meds don't work and/or she refused to take any, leave. PERIOD

anything else will slowly kill you inside.

>>33833523
She's currently on an SSRI for anxiety and should soon be getting on Quetiapine (aka Seroquel) and a previous poster mentioned lamictal. Anyone have experience with these - do they actually work?

>>33833129
>disregarding rule number one of relationships
Ngmi

>>33833568
What is the #1 rule of relationships?

>>33833575
Never stick your dick in crazy.

>>33833589
Too late.

>>33833597
How?

>>33833607
We've been dating for 17 months and that ship sailed like 19 months ago.

>>33833616
I bet you didn’t even celebrate your 17-month anniversary.

>>33833129
It's like you have a pet male un-neutered chimpanzee in a one-bedroom apartment, asking how to take care of it. You don't, you get rid of it before it rips your face off and eats yours fingers. Your BPD gf will do that, she'll rip your heart out and eat your soul, and it will be more painful than the chimp.

>>33833628
>she'll rip your heart out and eat your soul
That sounds kinda hot

>>33833129
>How should I deal with this crazy shit?
You break up with her, silly!

>>33833129
first of all, admirable that you're doing all that for another person, you're sweet

second of all, I'm a strong believer that what you do - even in jest, becomes a part of you.
That's how I got better at flirting with girls, I danced with them in a safe environment, where I got to touch them, look them in the eye. It became something normal for me. Now the acting is actually working (or fake it till you make it if you want to call it that) cuz now when I'm out with women, I feel safe around them due to the fact that I practiced this.

So, my point is, whether you want it or not, you physically forced another person into your car and kept them there, It's not a condemning or fatal decree - with time you can forgive yourself for this behaviour and make a vow to be better next time.

But personally, my point is that - what you do to the outside - reflects back inside, on you. Whether it was in a controlled environment where it was seemingly "fake" (Under the assumption that she's BPD) or if it was real - it don't matter much, the action was done. People seeing that on the streets wouldn't be able to tell your real reasons and they'd assume you're just kidnapping a woman off the street. That's why I'm putting doubt on the intents behind your actions, cuz it truly is only at the eye of the beholder.

Who's to say I'm not a fucking rizzler? I dance with around 30 beautiful ladies per week. That's real. When I go to a dance party or a festival and I offer my hand to a lady, it feels familiar, it feels normal. To the girl this probably reads like confidence, to me this reads like experience - I did it, therefore I can do it again and I feel normal doing it.

So yeah dude, forcing someone into a car - not something to normalize. I'd make a vow with myself from a "taking care of myself" pov, to never do such a thing again, no matter the context.

& If you can't handle the thought that she might streetwalk again&possibly get raped - leave her now before it happens.

>>33833129
Break up. You’re literally going through hell, I personally wouldn’t put up with this especially if she’s screaming and hitting you calling you all sorts of stuff.

>>33833661
You simps have an amazing and uncanny ability to turn insane, abusive women into the victims.

>>33833129
Is she that hot?

>>33833692
Most beautiful woman I have ever seen.

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>>33833695
I get it. I knew a girl like that too.
I don't think I'd be able to handle someone like your gf though. She sounds like a complete liability, through and through.
Why not go all in then? Pop a baby inside of her and see what happens. Maybe you'll end up mind-breaking her instead!

>>33833714
She did get pregnant previously and aborted. We weren't / aren't in a stable enough situation for a child.

>>33833722
Guess what: you never will be. Unless she's calm under heavy medication, then maybe.
You just gotta take a chance sometimes, anon.

You're not gonna wait until she seriously harms herself, are you?

>>33833722
Bro, you’re cooked. It’s only been a year and a half and you refuse to leave her. Best of luck. If your case ends up on court-tv, i’ll watch.

>>33833722
Where is she now? Do her psychotic episodes happen every day? How did she end up that way? How was her upbringing like?

>>33833661
If I leave it is guaranteed it will happen. So it's not like walking removes the threat. Quite the opposite. Not caring might make it not hurt. Not sure how to do that.

Aaaahhh yess. I love neurodivergent people.

>>33833764
Horrible physical and verbal abuse from her parents. Left alone in the house for weeks at a time with a disable brother as a young teenager. Repeated rapes and sexual assaults as a child. Removed from home at 16 by child protective services, moved into her granpa's place who was very very strict. Walked away with horrible anxiety, BPD, cPTSD, immense shame about everything about her swearing never to drink or do drugs like her parents.

Got a scholarship into college. Did OK. Got in a super abusive relationship with a guy who (my read) was a psychopath who enjoyed tormenting her. Eventually was dumped while she was pregnant with his kid, got an abortion and got through it along by using lots of drugs and alcohol to cope. Nearly dropped out of college. Began drinking and going out every night in a bid to have some human connection, to feel something even for 1 hour even if she felt like a piece of shit for 3 days afterwards.

Met me at a bar. We got together. Most stable time in her life so far. She's re-enrolling in school, in therapy, starting antispychotics next month. Has significant trauma. I've been physically, verbally and emotionally abused. That stuff is going away - physical is gone, verbal/emotional is now only during spirals and is way down in frequency. She's gone from never contributing to doing basically all the stuff at home. Currently doing AA meetings too.

>>33833790
Get.the.fuck.out. anon. Before it’s too late.

>>33833764
Absolute batshit crazy things happen around once or twice a month. Down in frequency over time.

>>33833790
>Repeated rapes and sexual assaults as a child
Wtf. By whom??
So what, you're basically investing in her and biding your time until she maybe recovers 100%? I mean, that sounds smart on paper, but the abuse will probably stick with you. Are you prepared for that?

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>>33833790

i think anons need to know to stay away from people with bpd/sh/ed/split personality disorders. they will straight up lie to your face... the sex might be good and all and they say they love you but its a whole relationship built on their lies. do not ever get in a relationship with these people, my first relationship and my last relationship with someone even remotely similar to them. dont feel guilty like i did and try to help them. they wont kill themselves, they will probably continue to be self destructive but you cant help them. no ones coming to save you, i live by those rules now

>>33833801
In the worst incident she threw a glass vase at me, hit my arm and I needed 11 stiches in an ER a 2 hour drive away.

>>33833820
But at least she's hot, right? So worth it bro

>>33833820
Are you a strongman? I want to know if BPD girls gravitate towards strongmen because they feel like he can protect himself from her or physically put her in her place when needed

>>33833671
Did you read the reply? I told him to leave her chud, and that he's guilty for doing what he did, but it has nothing to do with the girl. She has BPD, she's for the streets, I'm only talking about op because he's the one getting advice

>>33833820
>In the worst incident she threw a glass vase at me
Hahahaha. Please tell me you followed the johnny depp trial. You’re going to lose a finger.

Why can't they ever be hot and normal, bros?

>>33833881
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbpGkrViOcE

>>33833510
think of it like this, you're you, but when she starts spiraling you gotta be like tony soprano and get in her face and be mean and nasty and menacing and knock her down a peg until it passes. practice scowling in the mirror too

>>33833912
I didn't ask for a chart, I asked for WHY

>>33833866
It has occurred to me that if she hit my neck instead of my arm I could literally have died.

>>33833836
I am more than double her weight and have over a foot on her. I'm not a bodybuilder or anything but I go to the gym and physically there is absolutely no contest.

>>33833502
Speaking from experience, anon, you don’t want to see how bad this is going to get for you. If you think your life is hell now, just wait.
Legitimately, you’re setting yourself up to die early due to stress if you decide to continue dating this woman. She’ll leave you a shell of a man.

Dating this woman is self-harm. You know it is.

>>33834017
Good to know
So have you decided to grow some balls to either leave her or going all in on her and impregnate her yet?

>>33833502
Run run run run

>I feel like this is the first an only person who has ever seen me as sexy / cared about me / really wanted to get to know everything about me
That's what I thought about mine. But she never even bothered to remember how my name is spelled, right until the end. She doesn't experience emotions like sane people do and none of this is real

Run run run run

>>33833502
>her ex hookups
Why do you talk to her ex-hookups?

>>33833766
>If I leave it is guaranteed it will happen.
I ran out of typing space so I just closed off the message early
but I figured you'll say something like that

the answer is that you have to leave her while she's safe, like, you know she is safe. She is in a safe place, with people she knows. And now you emotionally detach and tell her that you wish her good luck but you can't do this anymore.
And then prepare for the shitstorm she'll sow about you about how you were an abusive person and you physically forced her into a car and raped her one time
I would voice record our breakup on my phone. So that in case people doubt you, you post it.
But then you have to be super classy in how you break up. like be very real that you still care about her but you cannot do this and you wish her all the best
If you think she's the type to hit you - I would set up a secret camera too.
best of luck BPD bro

>>33833129
bro leave the mentally ill whore and find a real girlfriend who isn't a fucking job.
I'm serious, this bitch will ruin your life at the drop of a hat
t.ex wife is a diagnosed Narcissist

>>33833129
Break up she's ruining your life(you're overall mental health and physical health)DUMP HER ASAP.

>>33833816
I don't want to get into details but not her parents. Many people. Really vulnerable (absent + abusive parents) + super attractive + high crime, very poor area is not a great combination.

>>33835955
That one in particular was a friend of her family and was actively trying to sleep with her 2nd mom.

>>33836270
I have physical abuse logs and multiple hospital visits and she's been arrested for throwing a knife at me, drunken disorderly, DUI, and police reports from multiple house calls that didn't end in an arrest. I have very thorough logs of everything, well documented, with photos, backed up multiple places. I may be dumb but I'm not stupid, I have my ass covered legally about as well as you can imagine. She knows this and also knows its for her protection.

One time when super drunk seh did try to claim I was abusive to a family member of hers, I shared them my log from that day, said yes she got a busted lip from being pinned to teh floor, I had to do that because she was assaulting me, here are the bite marks and bruises on my body. She was only kind of mad at me for that, I said don't lie and I won't have to tell the truth.

>>33836671
>was actively trying to sleep with her 2nd mom.
Based

>>33836693
Her mom also hit on me in a car once. Caressed my face and said "Oh (OP)". I said WTF stop now what is wrong with you. She said don't tell my daughter. I said the fuck I won't. Told my GF. She laughed and said "Yea, that's Mom".

>>33836687
>I said don't lie and I won't have to tell the truth.
You said that while she was super drunk.
God, you're pathetic. I know she's the hottest being to you right now, but at what cost?
>>33836700
>She said don't tell my daughter. I said the fuck I won't. Told my GF
You're a liar yourself

>>33836687
Crazy dude. Get out of there fast, don't do this
Good to know you got yourself covered, do it now, now now. Throwing a knife at you isn't a small fucking deal dude.
You don't wanna end up like the victim of many BPD girls who decided to kill their bf

>>33836704
To be fair her Mom is closer in age to me than she is - had her at 14. No lies. Most of the reason I'm posting here is just to be able to tell someone about my life. It feels really fucking cathartic, you know?

Like, my parents know her and because of her anxiety all they see is a shy quite woman. They think she's boring.

>>33836711
Yeah it was bad for a while. She got physical with me about 2x/month for about 9 months. the last time was in May now. Trying to stop it directly didn't work, but when I started walking every time she got verbally abusive then it stopped escalating to that point.

>>33833780
I've gone to 3 therapists and after about a month they've all said 1) You're thinking through things logically and making your decisions, 2) You have a very stressful life but are handling it, and 3) You don't have a mental health diagnosis - so why are you here?

The 3rd one I explicitly said I think I have a major issue and I don't want the fact that I'm high functioning to get in the way of you seeing that. They said the same thing and basically recommended I stop therapy: "What are your goals in this" etc. So I stopped.

>>33836723
>They think she's boring.
Lol, have you told them the truth about her though?
How old are you and her mom? I'd say go for it and fuck her, see what happens

>>33836748

I was referring to her, not you

>>33833816
I guess I feel like the world never gave her a chance and EVERYONE sees her as walking trash / a sex object and I want nothing more in the world than for her to have a chance. It isn't her fault she went through all that, and some of her behaviors and diagnosis are a predictable outcome of that life. You would have the same, or worse, if you had gone through the same.

Why can't she have a chance? Is it her responsibility to grow and work through this shit? Yes. Am I strong enough to deal with absolute insanity AND holding her to real growth? I think I am. After that it's up to her. She's never cheated on me, and she is growing - significantly. Is it worth losing some of my mental stability at times, maybe sacrificing part of my job performance to do this together? I think it is. Her behavior is also so crazy it has FORCED me to hold her accountable and be more in charge. Which I needed to learn to overcome my people pleasing / codependent tendencies. Which I am which has helped e.g. in my career - I didn't mind firing people and holding employees more accountable for example when before I'd just shoulder it all and let them do nothing.

And you know what having sex twice a day with the hottest woman in the world who's down for anything and dropping E and raving all night isn't bad either.

>>33836758
She isn't neurodivergent / ASD or on the spectrum or otherwise neurodivergent. I'm closer leaning that way then she is. She has a personality disorder, anxiety and cPTSD.

She is Neurotypical. You would have the same or worse if you'd gone through what she did. Her mental health outcome is what a TYPICAL, HEALTHY brain does in response to horrific childhood abandonment and abuse.

A lot of our friends are neurodivergent though.

>>33836758
>She is Neurotypical.
Also, seeing her and reading history - I think MOST people through time may have been more like her than a "typical" "happy" "Normal" US family. Being stable may not be the default human condition you think it is.

>>33836749
>m? I'd say go for it and fuck her, see what happens

Get the fuck out of here you fucking piece of trash. I fucking hate people like you. People like you are why she has these issues. Kill yourself.

>>33833817
I've never caught her in a lie.

E.g. one time we had a fight, she ditched me, said she was going out with a girl, I didn't believe her, she ordered food using my CC from doordash, I called Buffalo Wild wings pretending I was super high saying can I check the address on this order? They said yes and gave me the address. I showed up at the door, convinced I'd see her cheating - and she was with a chick.

Actually she seems to revel in telling brutal truths sometimes. Not everyone with the same disorder is the same.

>>33836749
I only share the truth about our relationship either 1) When legal privacy protections are in place (e.g. mental health professionals, lawyers) or 2) on one occasion when she talked about what happened in a way that made me sound abusive when that was not the whole story, and I set the record straight specifically to that one person (a family member of hers) by sharing a contemporaneous journal entry and photos.

>>33836782
>Why can't she have a chance?
She can, but does she really want to herself?
>She's never cheated on me
How would you even know that? You can't read her like any other normal woman

I'm glad these self-imposed hardships by your insane woman have given you new skills though.
>dropping E
What does that mean?

>>33836798
Dude, stop. This is just cope!

>>33836836
Alright man, so it sounds like you became the babysitter of an unpredictable beast. Taming her and such. So here is this going? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

>>33836842
Yes. Her stated life goal is to break the generational cycle of trauma that fucked up her grandparents, great grandparents, and parents. She has done an immense amount of extremely difficult work to go towards that. You don't understand how hard living with that trauma is. Things are not easy for her. They are harder for her than for me. And she is in therapy, on meds (soon to be more) re-enrolled in school, and has now taken over almost all the housework - stuff that would have been impossible 12 months ago.

How do I know? => Cross-examining various people on nights she went out without me, one time semi-stalking her: E.g. one time we had a fight, she ditched me, said she was going out with a girl, I didn't believe her, she ordered food using my CC from doordash, I called Buffalo Wild wings pretending I was super high saying can I check the address on this order? They said yes and gave me the address. I showed up at the door, convinced I'd see her cheating - and she was with a chick.

She's had regular STD checks since we started dating - all clean. I have accessed her phone sometimes. Etc. Also, if she did, she would kind of revel in telling me that she had when she was spiraling, as a form of self harm and hurting me. That's just how she is. she isn't deceptive.

>>33836842
Ecstasy. MDMA. Find someone you are into a drop some together some time you won't regret it. Especially good in this case because it pharmacologically promotes emotional connection and empathy. So suddenly all the barriers between you melt away and you can be blissful together. It has also been used in psychotherapy successfully for PD's because of this - it can lead to breakthroughs because people's barriers finally drop. Also - just feels really fucking good and is fun to have a lot of sex on.

>>33836846
You know people killing their family members in succession wars was normal, right? You know publicly torturing people to death in town squares was normal, right? You know it was legal and expected to beat your wife into submission for most of history, right? You know about slavery and slaughter and hand to hand combat and rape and institutionalized domination? You know all of that is still normal in many parts of the world? How sheltered are you? Get out of your bubble - or don't and continue falsely believing the world is just like your white picket fence. Watch out though - the way things are going reality may catchup to you one day soon.

>>33836857
I don't know where I'll be in 5 years. Weirdly, as a kid I always said I hope I'll be doing something I can't even imagine right now when I grow up. I guess that ended up coming true.

>>33836875
I'm denying those things don't exist - but you're coping because you don't HAVE to go through that, you'rre basically saying her behavior is okay because in some other time and place her crazy behavior is normal (doesn't mean it's good either)

>>33836886
*I'm NOT denying

>>33836885
>I hope I'll be doing something I can't even imagine right now when I grow up.
As a kid, that literally could have been anything... But whatever.
I'm glad you're happy though. Unless you're just being defensive. But it sounds like you'll be alright. Sorry for shitting on the both of you and for doubting you. Maybe I too could return to that crazy BPD bitch I know... Haha. We'll see.

>>33836886
No. Her behavior is NOT ok. It needs to (and is) changing. It is maladaptive in her current life situation - it hurts her and me.

I was saying she isn't Neurodivergent. She has a healthy brain doing what healthy brains typically do in response to the type of life she had. That doesn't mean it's OK or good. None of those things are good.

Explaining the reason for something does not remove the responsibility of changing it.

I think you and I are seeing eye to eye.

>>33836898
> Maybe I too could return to that crazy BPD bitch I know...

The only person who can decide that is you. But outcomes for BPD are actually shockingly good. Over 80% of people will go into symptom remission WITHOUT TREATMENT over time. More than a 50% chance of symptom remission within 1 year of professional treatment. It's the most successfully treated personality disorder.

So while it can be hell, if you look at the stats and can kind of keep things as steady as possible for a while - the stats are actually pretty damn good.

See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rT5PN7IhyPc

Books:
I Hate you don't leave me
Stop walking on Eggshells

Lots of resources if you go that path, but only do it if:
1) The partner with BPD is willing to do the honestly HARD work of shattering their entire world view and self-concept and rebuild it from scratch, and
2) You are willing to do the HARD work of dealing with insanity AND having your peace disturbed and staying steady through it all AND doing a lot of really hard work on yourself.

People are people, and sometimes people you love have a mental health issue that is severe.

>>33836886
BTW the fact that there is nothing fundamentally flawed with the brain itself is a huge part of WHY BPD is so successfully treated. The hardware is all there, we just need some bug fixes in the software.

Unlike e.g. schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder etc. etc. where the wiring is different and you can't therapy your way out of that.

Also unlike narcissistic personality disorder, because people with BPD typically are very empathetic / give a shit and thus want to change and feel horrible after the fact when they do terrible shit (e.g. my gf calling cops ON HERSELF after throwing that knife), whereas people with narcissism's whole world concept revolves around them being more important (above) other people and thus they lack empathy and a desire to change.

>>33836970
What if the girl I know has both BPD and autism?

>>33836926
>HealthyGamerGG
I don't know why, but this guy ticks me off for some reason.

>>33837056
I don't know much about Autism or ASD. I know that comorbidity between the two is common (e.g. from the BPD reddit) but don't have any personal knowledge. I'm sure you can look up studies.

>>33837071
The only thing he does that ticks me off is talking about being a prof a Harvard too much. But everyone who went there is like that.

>>33837087
>being a prof a Harvard
I didn't even know that part. Just his general being is unnerving. I just don't know why.

>>33836926
He talk for half an hour but didn't really say much. His final comment is basically "I am generalizing, don't take this too seriously", like, no shit. I could have figured that out myself.

>>33837102
I've read a lot, talked to a lot of therapists and lived it. Since I'm a psycho I've journaled every day and have graphs and shit for my own relationship. Any particular questions you have?

>>33837113
Exactly! You've lived it. I'd rather trust your own words than this clown trying to get as much view time for money by talking smartly.
Yes, what kind of graphs do you have, what do they measure?

>>33837129
Here are my columns:

Date Event What Made It Different Held or Recurred Event Description Shots of alcohol Source Sex Worst escalation Best moment (OP) nervous system feel (GF) Nervous system feel Full text

Some facts on alcohol I shared with her:

Bad Day (OP negative feeling at end of day)

GF Alcohol > 6 shots: 72.7% chance of OP having a bad day

Alcohol ≤ 6 shots: 16.7% chance of having a bad day

I am 4.4x more likely to feel bad at the end of the day if you have more than 6 shots. However, I also sometimes have bad days from things unrelated to you, and on days when you're sober.


Severe Negative Event (Worst Escalation of -4 or -5)

Alcohol > 6 shots: 50.0% chance of a severe event

Alcohol ≤ 6 shots: 05.1% chance of a severe event

We are 10x more likely to experience a severe event (partner violence, property damage, arrests, suicide attempts, etc.) if you have more than 6 shots.


Here are the correlations:
Alcohol Worst Escalation (r = -0.57)
More alcohol = significantly worse events.

Most severe ruptures (e.g. -4, -5) cluster at high alcohol levels (>6 shots).

Strong indicator that alcohol impairs regulation and amplifies risk — particularly impulse control and violence risk.

image.png
Alcohol OP Nervous System Feel (r = -0.46)
More alcohol = worse internal state for me.

Reinforces your experience that drinking—even without a bad event or specific rupture—puts me on edge and burdens me emotionally.

Alcohol Sex (r = -0.20)
Slight trend that more sex occurs on lower-alcohol days.

Alcohol Best Moment (r = -0.19)
Slight drop in “best moment” quality when alcohol increases.

Conclusion:

6+ shots is a statistically confirmed severe danger zone — strongly correlated with both our worst nervous system outcomes and with severe relational/legal/financial/physical escalations. The numbers validate the need for absolutely mandatory prevention of higher alcohol consumption.

>>33836926
Not good advice for OP. He is not in a place to accompany his gf on the way there, and she doesn't seem to be exactly willing to deal with her symptoms and instead offloads all responsibility on OP. Successful treatment requires you to not be a cunt and to be willing to take care of your own problems, prerequisites that OPs gf does not meet at this point.

>>33833502
>Probably doesn't help that I was in a 10 year relationship involving narcissistic abuse and my self esteem is in the toilet

Seriously GTFO. Treatment can be susccessful, it can also be a failure. Either way, you are in absolutely no position to be with her during that time, and the only reason you are drawn to her are because your and her issues match up with each other.
Chance is, you'd break up after a successful treatment anyways as she looks for mentally stable partners with a healthy self esteem once she is stable herself.

I advise you strongly to seek therapy and clear up your own problems, this should be your absolute priority. Engaging in unhealthy codependent relationships is one of the worst coping strategies possible.
Relationships with stable and mentally healthy people can be very healing, so ironically both of you would be better off if you improved to the point where you can be together with such a person.
I know the thought of overcoming your problems together is very romantinc, but in reality it likely ends up in the death spiral you are in right now, with both of you pulling the other one even deeper into the abyss. Its like two drowning people clinging to each other.

>>33837071
He doesn’t have much to say that’s worth listening to but would really like you to think otherwise.

>>33837185
>>33837185

I, OP, (>>33836926) was giving advice to someone else who said they might return to a crazy BPD bitch.

I appreciate that you think my advice to another person would be bad advice for me lol :)

>Chance is, you'd break up after a successful treatment anyways as she looks for mentally stable partners with a healthy self esteem once she is stable herself.

That is absolutely a possible outcome of successful treatment and you are right it's important to be cognizant of it. Any relationship can, and likely will, fail.

Current studies indicate lower marital satisfaction, statistically, when one or more partner has BPD, but interestingly no higher divorce rate. Also, it does not (statistically) get worse over time - "lower levels of relationship quality are present from the beginning of marriage rather than emerging gradually over time." e.g. https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fabn0000095

>I advise you strongly to seek therapy and clear up your own problems,
I have seen 3 therapists, tehy all ended up saying you have no diagnosis, you are making your choices, and you don't need therapy. I specifically told them I thought I had issues and didn't want them to ignore that because I'm high functioning and they came to the same conclusion and basically said "what are you hoping to get out of this" / I ended up leaving and feeling like they didn't think I needed it.

>>33837185

>but in reality it likely ends up in the death spiral you are in right now, with both of you pulling the other one even deeper into the abyss.
Our relationship is objectively better than it was 12 months ago, and 6 months ago. DV/physical abuse has stopped. Verbal/emotinoal abuse has stopped outside of spirals. She is in therapy, on meds starting more, attending AA, re-enrolled in school, and is doing almost evrything around the house. I'm supporting both of us and got a big raise. IS there crazy shit still? YES! But I do not think it's spiraling, I think we're coming out of it and have data to back it up. Doesn't mean it couldn't blow up tomorrow. But that's life.

>>33837185
>the only reason you are drawn to her are because your and her issues match up with each other.
Our issues and personalities do match up in a really interesting way. We do weirdly fit. Both trauma and non trauma stuff.

So you're suggesting I find someone who doesn't match up with me? And the same for her? That's interesting. Let me know how that goes for you. But you won't - because you wouldn't date someone like her - you would find someone who... matches up with you?

>>33837185
Take the current crisis I was on about. I do have codependent, people pleasing tendencies. Her behavior pushed me to physically manhandle her into a car - when I was always someone more polite, submissive, putting 100% adult autonomy and consent as the biggest priority in the world, and when I did - she thanked me for it? Yes that fucks with my head, my world view. Will that type of thing help me be more myself? Heal some of my shit? Take up more space in the room? Feel like I have permission to be myself or even - god forbid - be an authority figure?

I think it will. It's also a total mind fuck. Maybe it's a mind fuck I need.

For her - realizing that she is SAFE handing me the reigns, when she's been through all kinds of abuse and neglect - but KNOWING she's safer with me abducting her than operating on her free will, feeling safe enough and honest enough to literally hand me zip ties and say if I go crazy do what you got to do - and having me abduct her, bring her home, and then not take advantage of her but bring her food and water and give her a massage and cry my eyeballs out because I was so worried about her - don't you think that is healing as hell for HER? Even while it's a total mindfuck.

>>33837185
Because in her mind, EVERY guy will rape or cheat or abuse if they have the opportunity.

I've had plenty of opportunities. I objectively have the power in the relationship (I'm paying for everything, only my name is on the lease because of her DV conviction, there is a no contact order so kicking her out would be trivial, I have abuse logs and could put her in prison for years, I could physically dominate her, etc. etc.) and I only use that power to protect us. She spent over a year believing this was all a game to get her vulnerable and committed so I could abuse her later because a guy like me couldn't exist in her world view. Well, her insanity had led to me having all the leverage in the world - that I only use to protect.

That's a mind fuck, and that's healing. Just like her needing, wanting me to be strong, use my judgement, be forceful - is the exact opposite of what a decade of narcissistic abuse took from me.

>>33837200
Yes! That's it. His pretentiousness is so fucking irritating. Thank you for clearing this up.

>>33837336
On one hand I'd tell you that you shouldn't be so dependent on each other. But on the other hand, manhandling a woman as if she were completely helpless is probably an ideal.

You should pop a baby inside her and ditch town. Watch her “bpd” miraculously disappear when she is forced to care about someone other than herself, or she’ll just kill the thing again, either way she suffers and you get your ass away from the crazy bitch

>>33837978
>You should pop a baby inside her
That's what I told him too

>>33837978
You sound like a horrible person.

I don't understand this at all. We are considering having a baby when we are sufficiently stable. We aren't right now, our home would not be good for a toddler yet, but in a year it might be.

If I wanted to leave her I could easily.

Why is BPD in quotes? Are you a psychiatrist who's reviewed her file? Why do you assume she doesn't already care about other people (she does)? Why do you believe babies cure personality disorders - I have not seen any studies to that effect. Why would I want her to suffer?

I think you need serious help.

I could easily leave the relationship anytime if I wanted to.

>>33833129
17 months.
I don't what that says about you.
That's like 20 years of normal relationship.

>>33838211
Yes, I feel the same way. And have told her that many times.

The crazy thing? This has been - by far - the most stable period in her life.

>>33838091
>Why is BPD in quotes?
He’s saying that bitches be crazy. Anon, you need to realize is that bpd is not something that SHE suffers from; it’s something that YOU suffer from.

>>33838091
You my friend need help. I think people that are an overwhelming net drain on others need to be killed, personally. They are too much of a burden, I think that makes me a humanitarian

>>33837411
Okay then, why are you even asking for advice and what about?
Apparently everything is goign great, and being together with a BPD loon is just the right thing for your self esteem , because in your "unique" worldview the best thing to deal with low self esteem is looking for someone who is dependent on you or something.
So if everything is fine, declare this thread closed and enjoy your amazing, mutually beneficial relationship.

Hey OP. Read through your thread. I think you are a great guy, and ignore all the people shitting on your girlfriend. If what you say is true, then you guys are actually improving each other's lives. She seems to be getting a lot better. People with BPD oftentimes wish and need for somebody to force them. When it happens, it's inexplainable. There are studies which show that BPD brains experience emotions in a measurably stronger way. Even small things provoke what would be considered extreme levels of grief or agony. Considering what you said about her going back to school, therapy, meds, she never lies to you, and you actually seem to like her, it seems good. It would be very hard to protect yourself legally, besides defending her from actual harm. She will really appreciate it if you go on a limb for her. In the end, it's all up to you. Don't just measure the relationship based around her BPD. If it went away, would you still like her? Can you see who she is past this disorder? If you think so, then just keep trying to help each other. She wants somebody to force her, to show that they care. Many times, I wish someone would do this for me. Caring for someone with BPD is not for the weak-willed. Only do this if you will not feel regret or resentment over it. Does the good outweigh the bad?

t. BPD gf of some poor guy

>>33839252
kill yourself you spastic whore, OP doesn't need to be some demon's tard wrangler 24/7, and I say this as an actual victim of narcissistic abuse.

>>33833129
You can't fix her, don't bother, don't try, cut your losses.

>>33833502
Lol by your own admission you’d get better if you could.

>>33838220
Deep as fuck.

>>33840409
Based
I feel like only hot chics can get away with having BPD
>>33839252
Are you hot?

>>33839252
>Caring for someone with BPD is not for the weak-willed.
no, its for people who are getting paid to do it

Just going to put this here because it's a BPD gf thread and I seriously need to vent, sorry OP.

I've been with her coming up on 2 years, our anniversary is next month. It's absolutely wrecked me. Financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. I switch from feeling great to devastated way too often. Sometimes I feel like she is so loving, but it's getting harder and harder to look past all of the issues.
Her parents can hardly make ends meet, they're separated, and she has a brother that has even more issues than she does which eats up their money. She refuses to live in the ghetto with them, and its not like they have the ability to take care of her either. They pay for her to live with a roommate. I've basically become her caretaker. She can't cook, can barely clean. I've helped her kickstart personal projects, tried to help her get 2 business ideas off the ground but they collapse after she has a breakdown after a few weeks to a month. I tried to help her start university again by paying half the tuition (not a large amount), but she dropped out after 2 months. She doesn't work because she's been fired multiple times from basic service or retail jobs. She's 24 and really isn't going anywhere in life. And it bums me out because I know that she is legitimately talented, and one of her businesses really could have been profitable if she could have just functioned like a normal person.
I catch her in lies at least once a month or two. Last night she asked me for enough money to get McDonalds. Ok, fine. Says the coke exploded in the bag and made her food all soggy, asked if its ok to get another order. Then says she's going to bed early. Then I get a notification from the food delivery app that our account is tied to that she's ordered 2 red bulls and cigarettes. Going to bed early, huh? I'm so tired of being used and lied to.
She's not in treatment, her family haven't been able to afford it for almost 8 months. I feel like a zombie at this point

>>33841618
Let me guess, she's hot?

>>33841618
Dump her. You don't need to put up with this. She has no respect for you.

>>33841618
Better pay for her meds instead for her red bull. You have 0 chance in helping her without fucking up yourself

>>33841618
Everything was perfect for the first 6 months and then came the threats of self harm and the splitting. She didn't have a single episode for the first 6 months, after that it was like a switch was flipped. It causes me a ton of stress and heartache hearing her say these things, especially when she doesn't get her way over something that should never warrant these responses. I love her but I've never felt so depressed and stressed out in my life. Even I think I'm dumb for holding out on hope for her. My family and friends want nothing to do with her at this point.
I have to eat a plate of shit, insults, saying "you're not a real man" etc way too often. And God knows how hard I've tried, I shouldn't ever have to hear this shit.

>>33841627
Yes.

>>33841628
That's how I feel but I'm too scared to pull the trigger.

>>33841644
She's on medication but I don't think it's effective.

>>33841650
>Yes.
Lol, I wonder what would happen with a BPD girl who isn't hot...

File: 1761025722416476.png (210 KB, 500x388)

210 KB PNG

Shit boys, is it really BPD season for all of us?
Last night I made the conscious decisions to delete all my porn because it's ruining my relationships with women. I'm a virgin but have had little problems getting women's attention, but I still feel increasingly lonely the older I get.
Yesterday morning, my BPDemon ex gf of ~8 years reached out to me over fucking steam of all things to tell me
>DELETE ME
>Don't be silly! You know you left me added here on purpose!!!! So whyy? What do you get out of that!!!! lol
I have no idea what the fuck this bitch is thinking. Yeah I loved her and our relationship wasn't the best but ever since she had sex with some rebound guy I've been turned off from anything about her. I've been avoiding her ever since but she insists we stay connected, and I try to cut it off, but she always finds a way to shoehorn her way back around.

>>33841650
Dude I'm sorry you're going through that shit, I don't even know what to say. You're worth more than the stress she's giving you though.

>>33841650
>"you're not a real man" etc way too often.
that's like people with tourettes, they don't mean it but it's still frustrating.
>She's on medication but I don't think it's effective.
which? There's a bunch and you have to try several until it works. I mean if it would work, it would be tolerable for you, but overall you shouldn't have to do deal with it. In most countries she would be in a psychiatric clinic

>>33840409
So have I. How do you suppose this disorder gets created? Regardless, NPD and BPD are both incredibly different.

I love mentally ill people because it means I'm not the only isolated person on the planet. It's kinda comforting, in a way.

>>33841650
>That's how I feel but I'm too scared to pull the trigger.
It's gonna be scary even after you do it, but you need to do it. You don't want to see how much worse this gets for you in a year, trust me.

This doesn't reflect poorly on you. This honestly doesn't even reflect as poorly on her as you might worry it will. You aren't dooming her by leaving her. It needs to be done for both of your own sakes.

>>33841618
>>33841650
You need to give her an ultimatum if it's this bad and she shows no remorse at any point or insults you out of nowhere (not even vaguely related to some other argument). Give her a certain amount of time to clean her shit up, or maybe just resolve 1-3 things (job, cooking/cleaning, business idea). If she doesn't budge even an inch, then this is just wasting your time.

>>33841708
>It needs to be done for both of your own sakes.
But anon... le hot sex!

>>33839252
Thank you. And hearing your story helps. This is more what I think I needed to hear. People saying why are you here your relationship is going well according to me - well, it actually is.

THIS THING that happened really fucked up my worldview. Because I've always though NEVER use force except in direct self defense. This situation challenged me and I did use force and that fucked with my head. It was also the right thing to do. I think internally I needed to both confess to what happened and put it out there and it was super helpful having a chorus of people here not attack me. Actually no one said you're a horrible person to me - surprisingly - though obviously lots think I'm stupid. That helps put my conscious at ease from the jury of my peers. And yes overall this is what I want.

Thanks for the help -BPD gf and best of luck to you and your man.

>>33841878
Ain't worth it! I doubt the sex is even that good, just accessible.

>>33841538
Chicks sometimes hit on me and I'm a pretty successful businessowner.

>>33841889
Are you speaking from experience?

>>33841896
Lesbian chics hit on you?

>>33841618
>all soggy, asked if its ok to get another order. Then says she's going to bed early. Then I get a notification from the food delivery app that our account is tied to that she's ordered 2 red bulls and cigarettes. Going to bed early, huh? I'm so tired of being used and lied to.
>She's not in treatment, her family haven't been able to afford it for almost 8 months. I feel like a zombie at this point

Some things are similar, some different. My GF's family is way worse than yours - constant cheating, rampant drug use, her brothers have fetal alcohol syndrome and other difficulties (she's the only one who's mostly OK), I've literally split up a fistfight between my GF and her mom over cocaine - but she doesn't lie. She always asks before spending money - more than I'd like actually it can be annoying, yes you can buy a cucumber - and she has my CC with access unrestricted.

Actually one of the reasons I was with her when we first met in a bar I gave her a card and told her it was her job to make sure everyone had drinks all night, and she didn't abuse it / order the most expensive things, anything like that that you expect from gold-diggers so I appreciated that right off the bat.

She wasn't doing anything (school, job) for about 15 months but is in it now. I think she spent that long honestly just processing through all of her trauma, in the first safe space she ever had.

Honestly her treatment and everything started after I called cops on her for driving drunk, and she got a DUI, and the system made her feel the consequences of her actions. That was a turning point.

>>33841650
Mine was the opposite. I think I saw through the mask early and was a wreck myself and we were kind of a wreck together until we started to pull ourselves out of it LOL. I'm always jealous hearing about the love bombing phase because somehow I never got that.

>>33841668
Just don't become like me. Avoid getting in deep with it.

>>33841672
I really don't know what she takes, but I should. She has 2 different cocktails for morning and night, each about 4-5 pills. I'm going to get a lot more involved with this.

>>33841708
At the same time I don't feel ready to do it. I really do believe that there is some combination of help, therapy, medicine, religion, and love that can make her better.

>>33841726
I have a good idea of how I plan on proceeding, and if she continues like this without any improvement then she'll lose me.

>>33841650
Meds AREN'T very effective for BPD, long term DBT is the best scientifically supported treatment. MEds can chill you out enough that the therapy can work, otherwise they just make you a zombie not fix your issues.

>>33841726
>t
What worked for me was just walking every time she got verbally abusive. No matter what. Multiple suicide attempts, police involvement, and about a week of trauma later, she finally got it in her bones that she cannot do that to me or I leave, and it stopped. It was the worst week of my life. Want to hear about it? Here's a journal entry; after this there has not been a single incident of violence directed at me btw:

Extinction burst (cheating threats, bar defiance, sent nude to (GF ex hookup), threatened suicide, self harm threats, repeatedly jumping out of cars, running away for ~10 hours, cops showing up at side of road, OP forcefully maintaining no harm, no verbal abuse boundary while chasing). Punched OP in car, later clawed neck, ripped shirt, destroyed property; escalated during investor trip, triggered by perceived infidelity and jealousy during alcohol use, as well as her birthday. Next day Clawed wrist, hit OP, destroyed earbuds, threatened suicide; triggered by accusation of micro-cheating and porn use, escalated by prior events and suicidal threats. Boundary HELD despite ABOLUTE FIRE AND FLAMES.

>>33841907
This is from OP. I'm a dude.

>>33841958
Why did you answer my question to her, whether she's hot?

>>33841889
The sex is good, but at this time I'm really looking for more of the intimate stuff which is hard for her.

Consensual non consent, choking her, smacking the shit out of her ass until it's raw and calling her a whore while I pound her? Down anytime. Asking for cuddles, kisses and looking deeply into eachothers eyes while making love? Honestly only happens on shrooms or molly (but she is getting more and more OK with it - but didn't kiss me for over a year).

>>33841969
I thought you were asking me. My bad bro. Are you hot?

>>33841668
>~8 years

>>33841903
Yes.

>>33841953
I feel terrible for you man. I can understand only a fraction of it, because she's never truly acted on any of it in her 2 years with me. But previously she's
>before I met her she tried to kill herself by throwing herself down the gap in an emergency stairwell, her mom saved her by grabbing her clothing after she leaned forwarded and committed to it
>made another attempt but never gave me details
>threatens to jump in front of cars and trucks
>when she lived on the 8th floor of an apartment she constantly talked about jumping. One day I really thought she did when we were on facetime because I thought I heard a scream and she was unresponsive. Left me thinking she jumped for a few minutes
>she got assaulted and it triggered a horrible split, she called me and told me she's going to buy coke from one of the dealers at the beach and overdose. Couldn't reach her or find her for hours
>sent pictures of herself holding a kitchen knife to her wrist

She's been sober for 13 months now. Still gets splits, but at least I'm not worried sick about her being drunk and downing half a bottle of hard liquor anymore.

>>33841974
Run for the fucking hills bro.

>>33841981
Yeah, chics also hit on me sometimes, even though my aura is intense and tainted by past hatred.

>>33841981
>>33842001
And by sometimes I mean it happened once this year

>>33842003
No wait, twice if I count a chic just asking me for directions even though we were in the middle of a crowd

>>33841995
Yea I've stopped her from hanging herself 3 times, from stabbing herself several times (once got stabbed in the process), she's driven drunk which is the worst it could kill a kid and the first time I tried to stop it I stood in front of the car and she just drove through me - next thing I know she's doing 40 in a residential neighborhood drunk with me hanging on the hood screaming - get thrown off and get pretty bad road rash - permanent scars on my hands but luckily my face healed without permanent marks.

>>33842007
Well that sounds annoying

>>33841995
One time she came out naked, intentionally picked a fight /hit me until I pinned her down, then said "What are you going to RAPE me, You're fucking horrible, you bastard, you rapist" and all this shit and I said "No put some clothes on WTF you doing" and she was super mad at me. That was before we had a safe word in place and I knew about her CNC stuff, now I know to just go stay in the scene and if she isn't down she can always say purple...

>>33833129
this woman has the survival skills of a helpless turtle - it makes me think that she's never quite been shown true independency or having to fight for her own safety in public or dangerous situations. and the fact that she chose to go out alone in a place where she could easily couple up with someone else? just shows infidelity and disrespect for her partner. It may be severe BPD, but calling someone horrendous names repeatedly ("rapist", "coward" etc) for no reason, physically assaulting them or crossing boundaries multiple times... is not just BPD, but a very poorly done job by her parents to properly educate her. she isnt schizo or suffering from a neurodevelopmental disorder in order not to know what's ok to do and what isn't. BPD means you have emotional struggles, but that doesn't mean you completely lose proper respect and motor skills. Temperament, immaturity, and the ability to cross boundaries without consequences are the issues - there's nothing you could've done to "prevent her BPD", dearest... her BPD never caused that in the first place. she's being extremely abusive and narcisisstic, and is manipulating you into thinking you're the predator, OP. please seek help for yourself, and yourself only

>>33842007
Jesus Christ. I'm getting off lucky.

>>33842023
I guess the rape fantasies and being thrown around/spanked hard in the bedroom are a thing in common. The sex is honestly amazing and she's down to talk about and experiment any kind of depraved topic or kink.

Venting all of this shit has been pretty therapeutic for me.
I think we're both right where we want to be.

>>33842033
Bro, it's self harm. Intentionally putting herself in harms way and doing dangerous shit because she fundamentally internally believes she's shit and deserves it.

She grew up on a native american reservation in one of the poorest places in the country with drug dealer parents,
>having to fight for her own safety
she never had anything else.

>>33842056
idk if ur the OP or not but i actually live in an area surrounded by one of the most notorious, unpredictable. and poor places in my country (and city) and i've never heard a case like her behavior, goodness gracious. my neighborhood is like the american bronx, but it never got to that point with anyone i know from there (or heard of anyone from there in passing). it's more than just childhood trauma. someone can have an abusive childhood and still have at least a speck of respect for themselves and others. so yes i do acknowledge that she has her own struggles, but nothing will ever excuse crossing boundaries recklessly multiple times and harming others repeatedly. sorry!!!!!

>>33842146
It's okay, anon. OP had already given up his dignity for pussy, masquerading it as a white knight's duty to give her a life worth living for.

I think yall are horrible hating on that poor girl. Its not her fault she got abused and now this. Being with her just because shes hot is toxic and maybe better for her if you leave her. She needs help and love, not more abuse, getting better takes a lot of efford for person with trauma. Pls dont listen to these toxic people, just treat her right, if you really love her then you wont leave her

>>33842429
>Being with her just because shes hot is toxic
>if you really love her then you wont leave her
Anon... What do you think made him love her in the first place?

>>33842439
>Anonymous
look is important too, but her as a person is more important. I cant belive he is only dating this poor traumatized girl for sex. Her rape fantasies are because of her trauma and arent "hot". I cant belive most of you are hating on her

>>33842456
I wasn't hating on her though

>>33837978
>Anonymous
You are horrible. If this is a joke pls stop. She is traumatized she doesnt need a baby. She needs someone to love her and help her cope with her own trauma. having a baby will ruin her life so pls dont.

>>33842429
Where do you think you are? How did you even end up here?

>>33842468
Nobody came to my rescue when I was traumatized.

>>33842470
A person like everyone else, most of you are just horrible with those threads. Not all

>>33842474
Im sorry whatever happened to you but that doesnt mean you have to treat people the same way they treated you. Be a better person and show others empathy

>>33840409
Stop calling this poor girl with trauma a demon. Narcisstic abuse a girl that needs help are different things

>>33842502
My cock is the cure.

>>33842510
This is wrong, if OP is using her for sex while shes in bad mental health then thats assault

>>33842523
He's not, there are a lot of different posters in this thread.

>>33842456
When I first actually fell for her she had come over to my place for drinks, was trying to sleep with me, I hadn't actually officially broken things off with my ex so i said no, she called another dude up and left and went to his place and got raped, then called me after the fact at 2 AM because she had nowhere else to go.

I picked her up, brought her back, set her up in a spare bedroom, was going to leave and she asked me to lie beside her and she cried.

I guess what did it for me is that I felt like she was able to, somehow, show her true self under the trauma to me and I knew she didn't hadn't done that much in her life. I kind of said no to her mask (the "perfect slut") and in the same night said yes to her as a person. And I felt blessed that she was willing to show her true self to me.

I think you Anon actually get it unlike most people here. They are the kind of people who would see someone with trauma as someone to avoid or a sex object, nbt a person, and people like that are the cause of much of her re-traumatization - all the guys in all the bars for the years after the initial abuse.

>>33842474
This is OP btw. We didn't have sex that night - I think that's part of why she fell for me. Because I saw her as a goddamn human being when it feels like NO ONE DOES. And I fucking hate it.

I'm sorry you were alone in your trauma and I wish they had cared. It's hard to go it alone. Thank you for your perspective and if there is anything you want to share I'd love to listen.

>>33842523
And no, I do not use her for sex. It's a weird thing working through it though. I was hardline NO on a lot of her stuff that felt more degrading until we got to a point of sufficient trust and comfort with safewords and everything because I have tried really, really hard not to retraumatize her. But at the same time have occasionally felt inadequate for not being comfortable with some of the stuff she asked for. It's also weird because she WANTS me to bend the rules, go over boundaries - and I've basically taken the stance that I'm down for anything as long as it doesn't involve other people and we're clear there's consent with a safe word. It seems like she would prefer it if it was more ambiguous or she's trying to test me to see if I'll ever go beyond that - idk.

>>33842546
Allowing her for everything isnt always good for her but Im glad you know that

>>33842562
I agree there's lots of assholes (go figure) and it's easy to filter out their noise. She's not on this thread and won't be, this was for me to anonymously unload. I'm doing my best for her and she is for me.

>>33842564
>Anonymous
(Im replying to myself) she needs to be stable emotionally while saying "yes" because otherwise the word Yes means nothing

>>33833137
Lamictal didnt do shit to me
t. High functioning ("quiet") bpd

>>33842580
Same, I have QBPD. Know anything that helps?

>>33842566
Thats good. Im really sad that horrible people like these in the thread that wants to ruin others life exist. I wish everything good for you both

>>33842591
Still trying :(
Sometimes they give me stuff that "works" for 1 or 2 weeks and then I implode

Bump for more BPDemon content (I have a little bit of EUPD myself, wtf are so many of us doing here?)

>>33842537
Thanks man, for understanding

>>33842530
>she called another dude up and left and went to his place and got raped
>girl willingly met guy and got raped.
>girl met guy to presumably fuck him and got raped
OP... what? Something doesn't make sense here.
>then called me
Did you give her your number after rejecting her?

>>33842603
Sounds like he's fine ruining his life on his own

>>33846011
you dont understand. If you love someone then you will help the person

>>33846130
>a man should sacrifice his soul for an evil, abusive, ungrateful bitch
Nah, i’m good

>>33837275
>got a big raise
>>33841896
>I'm a pretty successful businessowner
So, which is it, OP? Are you employed with a boss or self-employed?

>>33846130
I don't think I could continue loving someone who's abused me like that. You sound dumb.

>>33846163
I didnt said that you have to love your abuser but if you are with someone that you care about and want anything good for them then you will. (Not talking about literal abusers)

>>33846177
>Not talking about literal abusers
Bitch, you said we were trying to ruin his life when we were begging him to run away. He’s already had to go to the hospital to get a dozen stitches once. How much more should he just suck it up for your bullshit “love”?

Finally a BPD partner thread that isn’t a circlejerk. Original OP, your girlfriend has more than BPD, it’s more than regular splitting and she legitimately sounds like she’s having manic episodes. If it really is just splitting she is actively making the choices to harm herself and she has poorly disguised suicidal tendencies requiring hospitalization, and there is nothing you can do besides accepting that your girlfriend is a literal crazy person that will get herself killed if she doesn’t get more advanced help. Put a life insurance policy on her and save some proof of her diagnosis to absolve yourself in a legal battle.

>>33846177
As if your BPD gf isn't an occasional abuser
>I didnt said that you have to love your abuser
Your BPD gf is an abuser
>if you are with someone that you care about and want anything good for them then you will
Why would I love my abuser?

>>33846192
But Anon, he WOVVES HER VO MUCH UWU
IT'S NOT HWER FAULT UWU
I MUST SAVE HER! UWU

>>33846202
*HE MUST SAVE

>>33846189
Because BPD isnt the same as alcoholizm guy that will beat you to death? That a girl that needs help you are all horrible by saying these nasty stuff

>>33846222
>BPD isnt the same as alcoholizm guy that will beat you to death?
Yeah instead she will cut you to death

>>33846202
Yeah I think the big problem here is that OP is a complete idiot. This girl sounds like she’s has no redeemable qualities besides being hot (to him). No common sense on anyone’s part. I just read through again and this girl’s issue is being a self destructive alcoholic.

>OMG my crazy girlfriend’s meds aren’t working and also she has 6 shots a day and does hard drugs despite weighing less than 100 lbs.

To anyone reading this thread with a BPD partner and is not a neanderthal: BPD is behavior based and if all your behaviors are shit you will be in a shit situation. Get them DBT therapy and don’t deal with self-harm behaviors on your own. That shit belongs in a psych ward where they can recover against their will.

>>33846263
Hey man, cut him some slack - at least he gets to fuck hot pussy twice a day

save yourself

>>33833401
nah this is uncomfortably similar to what I went through with my ex.

He'll do anything for pussy

>>33833502
Codependency + a sense of validation. Leave, anon

>>33846222
no they will just serially cheat on you and lie then feign suicide if you don't comply.
Fuck off coacoa puff

>>33846222
>Because BPD isnt the same as alcoholizm guy that will beat you to death?

Its a lot worse actually. The alcoholic will only linflict bruises and maybe broken bones, but a BPDemon will hook into your emotions to destroy you completely as a person, from the ground up.
If successful, you will simply be a hollow shell afterwards, unable to ever enjoy anything in life again, forever.
Violent alcoholics are significantly less evil than a BPDemon.

>>33849411
What the fuck are you talking about. Violent alcoholics are the fucking worst.

BPD BEHAVIOR CAN DEVELOP IN RESPONSE TO A VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC. REMOVE THE VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC AND THE PERSON GETS HEALTHY AGAIN. LITERALLY JUST GET RID OF THE POISON.

>>33849427
If you can't get away from them because they are your parents that may be the case.
Otherwise, it requires you to voluntarily hang around someone who constantly beats you, and that requires a special kind of mental illness.

But BPDemons? They'll get under your skin , sink their hooks in and start feeding if you have low self esteem, like OP here is currently experiencing, yet refuses to quit despiet everyone giving him advice to the contrary.

>>33849431
>BPD BEHAVIOR CAN DEVELOP IN RESPONSE TO A VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC. REMOVE THE VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC AND THE PERSON GETS HEALTHY AGAIN

Completely made up bullshit.
It can be a response to severe Trauma,for example caused by abusive parents. However, "removing the abuser" of course does not fix the Trauma.
Fixing a personality disorder like BPD is basically impossible, but it can be managed with effective treatment , engaging in self reflection, avoiding behaviours that worsen the condition and quite literally taking your meds.

>>33849431
cluster b disorders and such can be caused by any sort of massive trauma and are essentially incurable.
You are terminally a massive asshole liar for the rest of your life. Some studies suggest it may have a genetic factor.

>>33849448
>>33849441
I work in psychology and and I know for a fact it can be cured.

It feels like you have some personal agenda here and most likely will start seeing fagging to try to prove a point.

All I can say is

GET RID OF THE VIOLENT ALCOHOLIC FROM YOUR LIFE. LITERALLY POISON. THEN WORK ON HEALING.

>>33849486
it can't be cured, Freud.
These people belong in psych wards and prisons.

>>33849486
oh and by the way one major sign of crazy is substance abuse (hint: alcohol is a substance)

File: IMG_0580.gif (1.45 MB, 288x198)

1.45 MB GIF

>>33849486
>I work in psychology and and I know for a fact it can be cured.
Hahahahahahahha.

>>33849486
Mike, get lost

>>33849504
Upset that you can't seem fag manipulate.

I said what I needed to say and who needed to hear it heard it.

Get wrecked

>>33849534
>you can't seem fag manipulate.
Wtf are you even saying?
You said a load of bullshit and nobody needed to hear it.
Cope in the corner.

>>33849544
GET RID OF THE ALCOHOLIC POISON

THAT'S ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE HEARD

YOU CAN BE UPSET THAT SOMEONE WANTS TO GET RID OF YOU AND THAT IT'S BETTER FOR THEM TO DO THAT

>>33849546
>it’s not your fault bpd lady. You are perfect just the way you are. Just stop drinking. Anything else you do is not your fault.
This is why people are telling you to fuck off. Cluster b disorders ruin the lives of the people around them, so i don’t give two shits about the cause or her feelings.

>>33849546
So you're telling OP to stop rinking? It's worth a shot.

>>33849486
>I work in psychology

Being an inpatient doesn't mean that you work there, retard.

>>33849411
No tf?? You are comparing poor girl that developed BPD because of trauma to a violent alkoholic guy

>>33849569
retard

>>33849569
She IS a violent alcoholic you jackass. And a bpd is not some “poor girl”. They are an evil fucking force hellbent on destroying lives.

>>33849569
The trauma isn'nt her fault, but the way she deals with it certainly is.
And that is being a violent alcoholic towards OP, engaging in substance abuse to worsen her symptoms , then pretending its OPs fault and responsibility to keep her from doing that. Exactyl what I meant, the violent alcholic would be happy jsut being violent, the BPDemon has to tear even further into OP by pretending its all his fault.

>>33849561
No, op is a piece of shit and part of her negative spiral. She needs to cut him out completely.

Get rid of his poison

>>33849569
Here’s an analogy you really need to hear. A significantly high amount of actual pedophiles, the prepubescent ones, were themselves molested as children. But we don’t say “that poor poor pedophile. All of this is not their fault. They were traumatized as children. We need to take pity…”

NO. We judge them by their actions and their harm on others.

>>33849599
Yeah, this is what actual gaslighting is. You are an evil fucker.

>>33849599
>She needs to cut him out completely.
She's apparently super unaccountable and can't do anything by herself though. Except doing the chores and abusing OP.

>>33849599
Yeah, he sure is "a piece of shit" for taking her abuse without a peep and even blaming himself for her self destructive behaviour
Your raging about alcoholics is peak projection, you're a textbook cluster b abuser and dangerous to vulnerable persons.

Start to actually "work in psychology", and by that I mean seek treatment to manage your illness. And take your fuckign meds instead of giving "advice" on the internet.

>>33849602
The abused becomign abusers is a very common pattern, it also applies to violent crime and the vast majority of people doing evil. And as you said, thats not a free pass.
There is a very specific subgroup of abusers that do so by acting helpless and in need, then ensnaring those who want to help and using them as outlets to act out their issues freely. Basically emotional vampires. They'll suck you dry until you're broken yourself, then ditch the carcass and look for the next victim.
OPs girlfriend and the tripfag are such people.

>>33849651
But Anon, she hasn't physically abused him in months! She's recovering! She deserves a normal life! And... and... le pussy Le twice a day hot steamy sex with the hottest girl he's ever seen!
Surely this all justifies his actions, right?

>>33849714
>le pussy Le twice a day hot steamy sex with the hottest girl he's ever seen! #

Completely overlooked that, thats like defending plapjaking. But fattie banging will only destroy your hips, not your mind.

>>33833129
You come to this site asking for advice, yet you don't want to take the only option you have, which is leaving her. Why come here in the first place then? you want someone here to tell you the cure to BPD? There's nothing you can do to manage her BPD, there's nothing you can do to help her. The only thing you can do is leave her. Do it now before you get more attached, she's fucking a bat shit insane bitch bro, no nicer way to put it. Dealing with her will only harm you. Don't be captain save a hoe

>>33833129
fake your death and start a new life in ukraine under a new name

>>33849748
>plapjaking
What is that?

>>33846155
I am a CEO with 25 employees. My salary needs to be authorized by the board of directors and preferred shareholders have to approve.

>>33850011
I have a suspicion that this relationship might have a negative effect on your business. Pls say it ain't so.

>>33846192
>a BPD partner thread that isn’t a circlejerk. Original OP, your girlfriend has more than BPD,

Suicidality and self harm are literally in the diagnostic criteria for BPD - look at the DSM 5. If you don't think that's part of BPD, you are probably buying into some pop culture idea of it not the real thing.

A lot of how brutal it is is covered up a bit because people aren't willing to get into the details - but from private messages with a lot of people, for example or the BPD reddit, this is actually pretty typical.

>>33846263
Substance use and self harm are part of the diagnostic critearia for BPD.

So if you are a self destructive alcholic you are literally 40% of the way to meeting the diagnostic criteria. Here they are, you need to meet at least 5 of these to be diagnosed with BPD:

1. Fear of abandonment

2. Unstable or changing relationships

3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury

6. Varied or random mood swings

7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

>>33849448
>cluster b disorders and such can be caused by any sort of massive trauma and are essentially incurable.
>You are terminally a massive asshole liar for the rest of your life. Some studies suggest it may have a genetic factor.
Incorrect. over 90% of BPD folks will reach symptom remission within 10 years of being diagnosed, weather or not they recieve treatment. Over 50% within 1 year of treatment achieve symptom remission. DBT is a scientifically supported well validated method to achieving symptom remission (which means no longer meeting the diagnostic criteria I just posted).

>>33850023
If I got arrested for example then yes it would. It hasn't so far.

>>33833129
If you ever find yourself in court, all you need to do is legally change your gender. Western courts are the opposite of Islamic courts in that a man's testimony is worth less than a woman's (don't believe me? Read about the Duluth Model) but if you're legally a woman and don't have a mental disorder they'll likely rule in your favour

>>33850074
My gf meets all of these except #9 BTW. All of them but #3 seem to be improving.

>>33850116
Studies showing it's highly treatable:

https://www.mcleanhospital.org/news/highly-treatable-lessons-learned-decades-long-borderline-personality-disorder-study#:~:text=I%20think%20the%20most%20seminal,treatment%20is%20psychotherapy%2C%20not%20medications.

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/1107231

https://psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ajp.2009.09081130

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0924933818301937

>>33850098
Well, that would be the final nail in the coffin, yes. But even before then. I mean, you getting hospitalized and getting injured must have had some effect already.

>>33850182
>employees. My salary need
I never required hospitalization from anything, only an couple ER visits. Both were on the weekend. The stress isn't great.

>>33850206
>The stress isn't great.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about...!

>>33833129
Yeah you're right you should let her get raped by other men, consensually, while you watch

>>33850212
High stress tolerance, desire to take on things other people wouldn't consider, and some level of stubborn refusal likely factor into many of my life decisions. For better and for worse.

>>33850225
Excuses. That energy could be better used somewhere else still.

>>33850234
How do you decide where your energy is best spent?

>>33850243
Anything that will bring me closer to God(hood)

>>33850281
K bro good luck with that. Sounds like a great use of time.

>>33850612
I know, thanks

>>33850011
>25 employees
>shareholders make all the decisions absed on three month ROI and.Absolutely.No.Other.Considerations.

What the fuck. Not even small to midsize companies are safe from this shit?
Anyways, even more reason you need to get away from this chick ASAP. Give it a year or two, and you can pop up on this board to ask for advice how to get back up on your feet after losing everything and gettign emotionally destroyed by a crazy girlfriend.
Really dude, I think you are beyond reasoning if you have stuck it out this long, but this woman is only going to "improve" just enough to give you some hope so she can continue dragging you into her self-destructive spiral.

>>33850098
>If I got arrested for example then yes it would.
No need for that. Just wait until she has worn you down enough so you get your first mental breakdown and becom eunable to work for some time. Eventually, she will leech enough of your energy and attention so you fuck up at your job. Don't worry. Its going to happen.

People with BPD should be put down.

>>33850281
Ahh, ok. You do you.
However, do be advised taht narcissist tendencies - a desire to compensate for low self esteem through grandiosity - make you the perfect victim for a BPD woman.
If anything, at least leave a rainy day fund with a family member or someone you trust, with strict instructions to only give it to you if you show up at their front door homeless and dishevelled, or end up in a psychiatric hospital. Thank me later.

>>33850067
Almost no one here actually knows what BPD is, let alone read a basic article on it. To them, BPD is when women have feelings and/or get upset about things.
>CAPTCHA: 88888

>>33850866
We should put down genetic failures like you instead.

>>33850281
Also hate to samefag,but maybe consider that you are the
>I can save her
Meme right now. To a goddamn T.

>>33850886
I'm not OP
And grandiosity isn't reserved to the low self-esteem folks by the way
>the perfect victim for a BPD woman
How come people with narcissist tendencies are the perfect victim for a BPD woman?

>>33850913
Again, I'm not OP

>>33851105
>How come people with narcissist tendencies are the perfect victim for a BPD woman?
He’s saying people with a sense of a savior complex.

>>33851119
That's not what he was saying

>>33851122
It absolutely is what he was saying
>i’m different than everyone else
>i’m stronger than everyone else
>i’m better than everyone else
>unlike everyone else, i see the good in them
>i won’t fail like everyone else
>i won’t break like others would
>they need ME
Etc etc. can you see the narcissistic tendencies in these? It’s the same as how heavy insecurity can be narcissistic because it makes yourself the center of everything.

>>33851144
Hmm, so you're saying that OP may be a narc?

>>33851160
You don’t have to pathologize traits to observe them.

>>33851169
You’re dodging the question.
Just admit you’re calling them a narc to some degree

>>33851160
No, NTA but I said narcissist tendencies.
We all have them, nbarcissim is what stabilizes our self worth. Therfore it becomes overly strong in people with low self esteem in order to compensate and balance out the internal system.

To put it simply, people with low self esteem engage in doing thing to simply disprove taht constant nagging internal voice that tells them they suck. That may be amassing extreme amounts of sexual partnes for example - or trying to "save" a woman with a personality disorder from herself.

In this case, I suspect OP is unwilling to see that his gf would be better off in the hands of professionals in a closed environment instead of acting out her issues with him. She gives him just enough rope to hang himself by "improving" just enough to string him on.
This is not a problem to her, because consciously or not she is just looking for someone to be an outlet for her problems. Once OP is through, either by mentally breaking or by finally leaving her, she will simply repeat the same thing with the next sucker. None of her behaviour shows even the tiniest inkling of genuine desire to improve.

>>33833153
Dump this crazy bitch yesterday. You know it's right.

>>33833790
Probably made up.

>>33851238
>We all have them, nbarcissim is what stabilizes our self worth. Therfore it becomes overly strong
By that logic, we're all narcs but to a much lesser degree. I agree with what you said.
>She gives him just enough rope to hang himself by "improving" just enough to string him on.
I don't get this metaphor. Just enough rope? So she wants him to kill himself?

>>33850067
>>33850074

You can get diagnosed with just 5 of the milder symptoms like 1-3, 6 and 7 which could just come from being an insecure person with a little trauma, especially if your splitting is bad enough. Like half the adult women I know have all those besides the black and white thinking. I’d wager that a lot of cases of diagnosed and undiagnosed BPD are just that.

If you manage to find someone that has the real shitty symptoms that manifest as suicide attempts, physical abuse, psychosis, and narcotic use they obviously have BPD but a different monster entirely. At that point they’re a danger to themselves and the people around them instead of just damaging their social relationships. You can’t be in an equal relationship with someone who runs into traffic laughing at you when they get triggered, at that point you’re just a caretaker. There’s obviously no “Stop Walking on Eggshells” advice that will help if they sneak out at night to go smoke crack with some hobos and blow them.

>>33851455
Sorry, one addition. I think a lot of the people who get diagnosed have all the milder symptoms since they’re easy to pick up from a depression/anxiety comorbidity but have 1 or 2 more extreme symptoms that shift the diagnosis into BPD.

My point is that even if you’re into mentally unstable women (I have my own bpd gremlin at home) you have to have boundaries.

As a single person you can deal with 1 or 2 extreme symptoms long term. Alcohol problem? There’s treatment for that. Excessive spending? Easy enough to take over finances. You start getting past that and you’re constantly juggling, and all it takes is one ball to drop for everything else to crash. Then you’re back at square one or worse. Are you going to spend the next 50 years of your life juggling and picking shit up off the floor instead of living your life?

>>33850866
And why? You are talking like all people with bpd are walking demons that wants to abuse their partners and thats not true. I have BPD myself and i never wanted to hurt anyone

>>33833401
Women with BPD really do do nonsense like this. It's really real. Thank God we have the internet now to look this stuff up. You would not believe how tragically my last gf destroyed her life. She was a low milage 18 year old and just fucked her life up from as fresh a slate as she'll ever have. Her mind is horrific and I cannot believe what goes through her mind every day. I would immediately suicide if I was her. And now she had thrown on all the baggage of a prostitute

>>33854714
And you let her go down that path?

>>33854749
>let her
You can fuck right off.

>>33833918
I do this with my "cant go a week without flipping her shit" mother of my child. It shuts her up but I know for sure she'll just use it against me, so I just call her a pig and stop talking to her
>>33836970
The empathy a BPD person has will always be from a position that allows them to remain both advocate and victim, empathy that exists as a validator of their own real or self-imposed status of victimhood. Dont try to sanctify it.

You sound young, anon, fucking run.

Remember, folks:
BPD stands for Bad Person Disorder

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I'm going to try and say this as well as I can, but forgive me if it's kinda rambley. I don't know how old you are OP, but you sound incredibly young and naive. Like listen to yourself through this thread, you go from venting to defending to refusing advice in a matter of six posts. You're having sex in a drug fueled state with an incredibly broken person.
Some people, just are not meant to have relationships. I understand that she's done a lot of things to "blur" that line for you (in my opinion, not at all, it's extreme cope on your end because you are letting your brain attach to her in various unhealthy, drug fueled ways), but she's physically hurt you OP. Usually, that is the get the fuck out now sign, much less what you've had to do for her to "keep her safe."
Even if she is magically cured of this BPD crap, she is always going to be a mess of a person. I'm sorry, but you don't get raped a shit load of times and have various other horrific things happen to you, get on meds with therapy and suddenly come out okie-dokie. You are setting yourself up for failure at best, death at worst.
Also doing drugs with her is such a horrible thing to do, why would you ever allow her to do drugs/drink with you?! You are saying "hey it's okay if you have an episode because I get my cock wet." This is why I suspect you are very young and very immature, too immature for this kind of thing. Everyone is telling you to run for a VERY legitimate reason, but you keep your head in the sand. Like other anon said, Johnny Depp did it, why can't you right? Let her kill you bro, who cares, the sex is crazy right?

>>33854797
So wtf did you do when she went down that path?

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Do you guys think the witches that got burnt were just women with BPD?
Although, that would give a different meaning to the term BPDemon then too...

right now OP you, yes YOU, are the dumbest motherfucker on the planet. get far away from this person, she should be locked in a cage instead of being allowed to roam free. you are a complete idiot for letting yourself fall into this very plain trap.

>>33857588
Great post.
>why would you ever allow her to do drugs/drink with you?!
In OPs defense, he made a chart to know her limits and it appears that after 6 shots a day is the danger zone. But I agree with you, it's better for her to just remain sober.

>>33858083
He's blinded by lust

>>33833129
You can't

This thread has been very entertaining

>>33858080
Most of the witches that were killed were men and they were drowned. But yes, I do think BPD have been considered just hysterical women. Really wouldn't be shocked if Sylvia Plath had BPD.

>>33859688
>Most of the witches that were killed were men and they were drowned
This is just absolute horse shit.
Most accused witches were women, and most were hanged or burned, not drowned.

>>33859724
It's 100% look it up retard.

>>33858097
It's just a very stupid thing to do. Intoxication always increases the risk of an episode, and he isn't just drinking with her. They're doing E, I would NEVER do E in this current market with fentanyl in everything. I would barely do MDMA unless I trusted the buyer 10000000% and even then it would be very occasional. MDMA will fuck your dopamine receptors up very easily, I had a friend have a stroke at 24 because he was doing it so much.
I did 8 tabs of MDMA with my friend in one night (retarded thing to do, you don't even get high and it was overall awful). I recovered in a few days because I'm fucked up, but my friend couldn't get hard for a whole month and was mega depressed lol. Just retarded as fuck to do drugs with your bpd friend/partner.

>>33859744
You stupid fucking nigger.
Here's my source that says you're wrong, retard.
https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/learn/histories/eight-witchcraft-myths/?utm_source=chatgpt.com
Where is your proof?

>>33859766
Yeah, I agree 100%.
OP is a fucking dumbass.

>>33833129
She needs to be put in an oven

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>>33859778
No I googled it after, you're right. My ex used to tell me every time I brought them up that it was drowning/men. My bad G

>>33859817
Hearty kek

>>33859822
Yeah your ex sounded batshit crazy too.

>>33859923
No need to be rude after I have apologized on 4chan for all things. Could have doubled down and I didn't.