I can't forget my ex gf and I keep torturing myself over my stupid ass actions during the relationship (esp. when I don't sleep well, for some reason... Also, when something reminds me of her). I think I might have some mental illness, or maybe justo autistic, stubborn and depressive, idk.Never had a gf before her, barely even had sex with anyone else.. But I had sex at 6...I was a miser when we were together, and by the end of the relationship I started mistreating her. Nothing terrible, but still.I was trying to buy a house when my employer started firing people, so things got complicated and I was stressed af. Meanwhile, she became extremely annoying to me. I also never really trusted her much, so I decided to end the relationship. I'm a grown ass man, and the day before I ended it my ex told me she thought I was immature, stingy and that I only wanted sex from her. That was the last straw.Months later I regretted it. She told me she was feeling better alone than with me. For some reason I just couldn't hold this fact in mind, and became annoying to her, so after ~10 months she told me to stop talking to her. Now it's been more than a year and I'm still thinking of her ;_;I had a shit life and I discovered a while ago that my mom might be narcissistic herself, and that I probably have been her useful fool... Or at least that's what she wanted from me. She makes me mad af. Everything she does seems to do to get my sympathy to extract something from me. Either that or I've become too paranoid.Wtf do I do?Picrel, I guess. I did it to myself..
I forgot to.mention that communication was terrible in the relationship with my exI myself am terrible at explaining things or even talking. I regret not telling or explaining so many things to her... But on the other hand, I think she hated when I explained some things to her, and so I assumed it'd be better just not to explain anything at all. Obviously I realized too.late that this was a mistake.I feel pain when I think of her. Those last months we were together must have been hell, to the point that she ended up insulting me sometimes, when she has always been the nicest woman, though her low self esteem might have played a role...I'm low self confidence/esteem too. I sometimes do dumb or bad shit to other people (break relationships, tell them hurtful things,...) because I'm ashamed of myself. Is this a narcissism thing?
I don't think you had healthy relationships demonstrated for you to learn from (even media wise) so you are doing things wrong because you don't know how to be in a relationship.If you really want to learn, you'd be placing yourself in her shoes in every moment to figure out what you did wrong and not want to do that again.
>>33833838Clean up your sleep hygiene.
>>33834014Well, that's the thing, how do I learn about relationships? Trial and error? I think it's obvious to me that inexperience was a huge factor here, at least in my case (and probably hers too, she only had had 1 bf before). We were both >30 when we met, btwAlso, does it matter that my mom was always single? I've been thinking as of late that she might not even be narcissistic, maybe just stubborn and stupid and I might be making some.of the same mistakes she made in her life... And that scares the shit out of meEven worse, I'm almost 40, and this is my only experience... Is it over for me?
>>33834046I mean, I sleep welll most days. But whenever I have to travel or whatever, I sleep like shit, and these thoughts come up.So you think this is normal then?... No wonder some people go crazy sometimes. This is absolute hell. Never had something like this come up before, at least not to this degree...Now, how do I develop a discipline to ignore these fucked up.thoughts? I'm not saying I want to forget her, but these are not sane thoughts, this is a heavy conscience, not just a matter of missing her...
>>33834058>So you think this is normal then?... No wonder some people go crazy sometimes.It's literally the case for most sane people. Somehow not the case for me, peculiarly enough.
>>33834063>It's literally the case for most sane people. Somehow not the case for meOk, so how do you know,?
>>33834048You study what you want and then accept that it may not be perfect and make efforts to change yourself so it works. And then when it still doesn't work, you go back to the drawing board and change yourself again.
>>33834116I'm not asking what I should do, but how. I don't watch movies or enjoy obsessing over social relationships. I don't even have an active social life in the first place...
>>33834141... I have no clue what sources to use. So, how do I study what I want?
>>33834102Because you just have to observe how a tired person behaves. Erratic, easily irritated, impulsive, anxious, insecure and doubtful at the same time. Like you, basically.
>>33834046>>33834153Well, you can't really observe thoughts. Also, I just read about this quote and it doesn't necessarily mean what I'm saying here. It might talk about more mundane shit.
So, is this n9rmal or not?
