>wake up>Suicidal thoughts >Sit through the classes >Jerk off to distract myself from suicidal thoughts >Sleep until evening cuz no strength to do anything else>Eat>Suicidal thoughts>Almost cry, but fail againShould I kill myself? Tried going to therapist, but got nowhere. I don't even think it's depression at this point, its just has to be meI feel like living is useless and pointless. I have joy in life, quite a lot of it actually, but i don't want it. I literally just don't want shit
>pick something to do>shut the fuck up and do it
>>33837656I have been crying all day. Must be the weather.
>>33837675Sometimes I force myself, sometimes I cannot.For the past few days i was setting up a home server, but in the end of the day it's just a way to get through another day
>>33837688Honestly, Im envious. I fantasize about crying a lot.Value your ability to cry anon
Hi! I don’t think you should do it. I think deep down in your subconscious you don’t wanna do it, that's why you are asking here in place to just doing it in first place. Subconsciously, I think you want to hear the coherent answer of "no, it’s an horrible idea".Also, I don’t think you enjoy your life, cause you say it's "pointless", which means you haven’t found a "point" (sense) to your life yet.Your life may be "happy" or just "ordinary" but it doesn’t mean you enjoy it, if you feel that way it's almost certain you haven’t found that thing that gives a sense (meaning) to your life yet. I think you are just boring about rutine and your brain starts to get exaust by repeating the same all the days in a cycle without end, and that makes you think that you don’t have nothing to live about but it's just delusional. Idnk your age but I'm guessing (from "sit [...] the clases") that you are a young teenager/young U. student, and that's the point where you're just getting to know yourself and your life.Eventually (sooner or later) you'll find what makes you truly happy. At that age (mainly) you should experiment a lot of activities, trying to develop yourself for find your sense (meaning) in life, that will also help you break out of that endless cycle!And about to the therapist, I think you should keep searching, trying different professionals until you find someone who understands you better or with whom you feel you're going somewhere. Hope some of this helps you and I can continue seeing you around here in the future!
>>33837656I don't jerk off so I don't want to kms because it'll satisfy my enemies and rivals.
>>33837656>Eatwhat do you eat and drink?
>>33840058>Deep down in your subconscious you don't wanna do itThat is a logical thing to assume. I think about it a lot too, but I haven't come to any certainty. I mentioned before that I don't want anything, and it applies to this as well, so I guess it's partially true. On the other hand, I'm kind of at the peak of my life (level 19, btw): I have all my relatives and parents alive, I have everything I've ever wanted, and I do almost exclusively what I want. I'm really afraid of losing it all, and I know I will eventually, because nothing is eternal, and it hurts me to realize that.It seems like i should be happy, but for some reason I am not, and I see no way to be, not today, nor in future
>>33841754Food and drinks usually. Today ramen with meat sandwiches and tea
>>33842073>because nothing is eternalFor God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16, the Holy Bible.
>>33842542Theres only one god, and it's me. Fuck Jesus, fuck Allah, fuck Ra. gtfo holy nigger, no one asked what's the oldest fanfic says
>>33837656>I don't even think it's depression at this point, its just has to be meliterally describes depression
>>33843691>Theres only one god, and it's me.you are not God. you are a human. all humans are in need of salvation. you cannot save yourself from hell and death. only Jesus Christ can save humans from hell and death. consider your ways.
>>33842542This >>33842542Why are you so hostile to jesus, he wants to help you and get your life back on track, but you need to let him into your heart first and you do that by turning away from your sins
I thought I was suicidal but really i just have a mental tick/cope where I tell myself I should kms anytime I am beset with a bad thought/something I dont want to do. It started when I was 13, took nearly 11 years for me to figure out how to healthily cope with it. I would tell myself in my head to kill myself at least 50 times a day, at my lowest I would fantasize about how I would do it. In college I was a complete fucking wreck and wanted to kms because of assignment stress and loneliness, I would drink at least 3 natty daddys a day to cope with it. Thought things would get better when I entered the workforce but they persisted until I had a panic attack at the beginning of this year, which weirdly lead to an epiphany. I realized that I had much more control over these thoughts and myself than I thought previously. Now I cope with the thoughts by sticking to a strict weightlifting and guitar practice regiment. I suck at both but I feel much better because now I can think about lifting/guitar instead of how much I hate myself. I still dont have a gf and feel a bit dissatisfied with life but I feel much better than I was before. Just stick with it man things get better.
>>33843896>>33837656>literally describes depressionso it seems.>Background: Depression is a clinically common emotional state characterized by persistently feeling down, losing interest in daily activities, insomnia, and in severe cases, suicidal tendencies [1]. >https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10851576/>>33842096>ramen with meat sandwichesconsider ruling out dietary causes as a contributing factor to your condition. for instance:>The gist of it is, eat plants, and lots of them, including fruits and veggies, whole grains (in unprocessed form, ideally), seeds and nuts, with some lean proteins like fish and yogurt. Avoid things made with added sugars or flours (like breads, baked goods, cereals, and pastas), and minimize animal fats, processed meats (sorry, bacon), and butter. Occasional intake of these "bad" foods is probably fine; remember, everything in moderation. >https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/diet-and-depression-2018022213309this may or may not lead to improvement. but is worth ruling out by process of elimination, given the body of research documenting the relationship between diet, depression, and vitality.>>33837656>>33842073>Suicidal thoughts>It seems like i should be happy, but for some reason I am not, and I see no way to be, not today, nor in futureGod delivered me from suicidal thoughts. therefore I strongly encourage you to build a relationship with him. you can find him in the Holy Bible. I recommend starting in the book of John; it is profound. additionally consider praying to Jesus Christ. it is simple. just talk to him. tell him what you're going through. ask him to be your lord and savior. ask him to deliver you from suicidal thoughts. for some people they are delivered immediately. for others it is a journey. but with God all things are possible.
>>33837656it's called mkultra kidhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXeT2HWpwc4
