I wish I had a dick

>>33848772
Makes sense.

Why? Why does this happen? They are fucking with me and no one is helping me.

Not using weak forms when talking in English annoys me and I'm ESL. It just sounds bad and unnatural. It's the car, not thee car. I cun do that, not I can do that. I can help, not I can't help. It's thuh(t) that and hud had, not that that and had had.

Seriously I am fucking pissed. Why is no one on my side? Why the fuck would this even happen? What the fuck are you people doing?

This has never happened once. And the site is down too? First the payment was denied. Then I had to wait 4 days to get my money back. Now it's bouncing between facilities. Now the tracking is down.

Yeah I'm sure all those things going wrong is natural. Wtf is my team doing? They do fucking nothing. How am I suppose to live like this? Is fucking misery. You can't even get my break to me.

Fucking fix it. Head are going to roll when this is fucking over for both sides. I'm being used as bait, have to hear constant screening in my ear and you dumb fucks can't even get a package to me. This had never fucking happened before and it makes no sense.

Is like you assholes are working together. I'm going to find out who is doing this shit eventually.

I have a crush on an anonymous woman on the internet :o

>>33848994
I know that feel.

>>33849007
It feels good. I’ve never e-dated before, but I might be doing that in the near future.

>>33848772
Peg your boy toy

Is so obvious. Why the fuck do I have to go through this? What the fuck did I do to anyone ever?

>>33849144
You know the answer to that

>>33848994
JH?

i won't give up. i can make this work

I've decided to be calm and stop getting myself worked up about other people's drama. I let my mom get in my head after our lunch the other day and it just made me feel bad about everything. My mom is so miserable and lonely and I'm becoming her. I am NOT responsible for her happiness, it's not MY fault she doesn't have any friends. It's my fault I have no friends, though. I've been trying and making progress, though. I have women in my dms and they are actually nice to me and I let my real self out in the womens group I joined and actually got women agreeing with me about stuff. I'm not a freak I just need to put myself out there more and not be so down about life

>>33848765
Im soo fucking addicted to porn and energy drinks

>>33849469
Nope. I don’t think so, at least. I haven’t been reading long, but she’s the mixed girl that’s always going
>Fuck you.
to dudes trolling her, right?

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Several years of abuse on my part, along with the unsavory parts of my extremism and debauchery led up to this. It's incredibly likely I'll be led on for 6 months before finally being let go. I can only imagine just how painful it will be when that happens
And I'll just let it happen. I can't even be... sad anymore. I know I deserve it and this is probably the only way I can make it up to God... so I'll just... do whatever I can to bear it until then

>>33848826
You’ll be fine. The only real way to get rid of that would be full immersion. The same way our accents will change when being immersed with different ones, you’ll naturally start using the weak forms too if fully immersed.

All roads lead to Rome in the end, it's inevitable. It's over for me and I was never meant to be with anyone. There's a different path for me

I'm sf fucking weak

Celray i'm not evn a real man at this point

What was I expecting I'm subhuman

>>33849623
You are?

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Anon is touching my keys again and it’s looking like they don’t need their hand anymore.

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Problem?

Whose fault is that?

I'll make a response

bad things happen all the time but good things happen all the time too

i'm really timid

Can the day just end already I wanna go home to pet and feed my cat. I hate leaving him alone all day. He's too cute to be lonely :(
What the fuck did I even come into the office for anyway? Last Friday I get this whole "I'm gonna need you at the office, we're going to need to work closely on this blahblahblah" and then I spend the whole week with you in meetings while I sit here waiting to do maybe 15 minutes worth of revisions. What is this humiliation ritual you have me doing? I could be doing this shit at home with my cat purring next to me bro what IS THIS

Date meeeeeeeee

You guys have to fucking do something

I want to take a trip to wherever that place that’s far to the north of me is and take her on a date

Those kids are fucking niggers, who the fuck stays in the middle of the fucking road on top of a hill to talk when people have to drive home. They can go fuck themselves.

What kind of retarded parent tells a child to stand in the middle of the fucking road when a car can't back up and has to move forward on a hill. My car was going backwards into the other car, and they expect me to stand still while they fucking stand there in the fucking way.

I wonder if I'm building towards something sustainable or if it'll collapse like always
I am strong
I know how to lead
But this company is bullshit and doesn't reward people nearly as much as it should
Idk what to tell my people when they get tired of it

>>33850901
Black people do this in every neighborhood I go. It's like they don't know sidewalks exist.

i will concern myself with objects rather than subjects

My nigger friends will not text me the fuck back and I'm freaking out. I just need to confirm whether my house was broken into or not and they're being lazy niggers and not texting me back. I need to know if the WET HOODIE IVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE I FOUND IN MY HOUSE IS THEIRS OR NOT AND THEY WONT FUCKING RESPOND AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH IM GOING INSANE

>>33851317
Buy yourself indoor cameras.

it's over.

i never want hear there ze impersonators of barney from napalm death there ever see someone who playing role playing game thinks it like early 70's again

>>33850911
Call cps retard. Get the kid put into the system. Who cares especially if it's a white kid

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>the sad, lonely faggot has become emotionally attracted to his equally depressed and emotionally unavailable female friend!
Why can't I just be normal and meet cool girls who are chill

>>33851397
Your only meeting them because your a low value below avg male.

RM
YOU
someone like austin is always young forever
AUSTIN ONE WHO SAJS THIS OVER AND OVER
ya bo burnham not ze virgin cuck isn't alga awesome
YOU YES AUSTIN ONE WHO EVERYTIME EVEN THERE LITERALLY EVERYTIME IS ONE WHO DID THAT
why
rm
so nonaccess individuals never have get mad
what are you saying new
rm
they always live together throughout time
what
RM
ok
do you remember this voice it means it wasn't austin there
THE EPIC WAFFLE BREAKFAST
that means he nintendo corporate leader or glorious leader wow
rm
ok
THOSE ALL HIS DIRECT LINEAGE RELATIVES
ok i understand that austin was famous for marvel comics THOUGH IT A REAL TEAM and was going flood gate
rm
thanks

>>33851397
You're attracted to emotionally unavailable people BECAUSE they're emotionally unavailable. Its likely you had an emotionally unavailable parent and/or parental figure in your life and now chasing after avoidant people for their approval is your lizard brain's way of solving the trauma of your early childhood. Emotionally available people are scary because at the end of the day, losing their love is a realistic possibility, whereas pursuing unavailable people is always a predictable chase - a re-enactment of trauma that your mind has gotten used to and normalized as the way people who love each other are supposed to treat each other. Long story short, get therapy.

>>33848765
Holy shit I need to touch a warm body
Leave me in a room alone with anything even slightly femenine and I'll fuck it

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>>33848765
i'm tipsy on wine.
it's friday at 7:15pm.
i'm a single guy and fairly attractive.
it's cold enough for my fashion wear.
i'm not far from the nightlife and can afford uber and drinks.
my favorite thing in life is flirting. by far. i troll my friends with it.
i know the spots to go. i *will* flirt with cuties.
halp.

>>33851447
Touch deprived/touch starved?
Im in the same situation but I think Im a bit numbed to it.

>>33851442
My parents weren't really like that though. The opposite if anything. I just had a lonely childhood with few to no friends at various points. I lost friends because I changed schools frequently.

We have a fair amount in common, but I also think i'm drawn to her because I feel like she "gets" me. Like she'd be more accepting of my flaws because she'sso similar in outlook and behavior. It's misguided, I know.

For the record too, I've known this girl for a while. I didn't become friends with her with the intent of dating. This is a recent thing.

Maybe it's others resolve that I didn't believe in
From being let down so much

I'm hoping by next week, I'll have moved on from this. I'm getting really tired of dealing with it. It'll just have to a bittersweet memory. I know that I'm not gonna be happy even if I got the outcome I like beause I'm picky as fuck.

Gosh, I hope I can become powerful.

It be cool if my hard work pays off and my dreams end up working out, but I'm probably too old.

Rejection and regret

I haven’t gotten over it. I’ve just learned to live with missing you. It’s an awful feeling, but it’s better than talking to you and knowing you didn’t care for me the same way. I keep your picture. It’s crazy but when I look at it I just feel better. I know it’s all in my head. I just can’t rip it out. It’s cemented in there.

I feel like I’m on autopilot. Trying to see other people and date hasn’t helped, it just cements it worse because it isn’t you. And it’s less about you than it was about— finally getting the chance to know what it was like. And now I know. I wish I could forget.

I am so tired of being alive yet I just keep going through the motions.

If she said she was sorry I would take her back

Worried

Straight up I don't think I'm ever gonna be over her
This is gonna scar me for life

I'm tired of being horny but being anything else is too time consuming. I'm already ten years behind

it gets better

I'm really disappointed that you turned out this way. I was so into you and you reciprocated too, but then something changed. I guess you are not all you're hyped up to be.

>>33852248
She's probably into you

i ain't shit

I'm not a real human being, at least I don't think I am.
I don't feel the same things as you all do, I'm not even sure my "emotions" are real.
I lack the creative ingenuity that a real human does, with all my "unique" ideas being heavily derivitive of other people's ideas, except lacking heavily in effort and style.
I don't know why I exist or what I am supposed to do but nothing excites me, nothing attracts me and nothing makes me feel.

Its been 10 days since ive sworn off weed. I also messaged a girl I fumbled almost 6 months ago today hoping to reconnect. No response. I know its weak of me, but I want to smoke a bit tonight since im bummed out. I know its wrong, but fuck man. Do I just suffer through it anons? Do I hit the bowl a little bit and endure another two weeks of sobriety after this? Its hard. My brains weak.

>>33852219
When

>>33852361
Gotta rebuild the synapses
Takes time

>>33852372
yea. i know going and smoking right now is a bitch move, so ill just accept that im sad and my brain craves it and do something else. thanks anon.

Why I am internally a pissed off 14 year old?

I wish I had people I lived with sometimes. Maybe it's just something to get over like everything else.

I saw an essay on an immortal vampire and how he had a psychology and dark past, but he was 10,000s of years old. He really had time to move past it. Maybe I'm not broken, I'll just die before I notice how fixed I really am.

>>33852362
I dont know but it will get better

>>33848765
I think I will an hero soon. It's tempting to end it and not care about anything anymore.

>>33852444
Without her?

I will make my own warmth, then, and I will love to hold coldness like a friend as well, thus, I will give coldness warmth.

I am morally against making male friends and can't make female friends because my thought process is so different from them, likely due to poor socialization as a child. So, I think that I can't connect with them at all. I think isolating myself is the most appropriate thing to do because trying to make female friends just brings me stress. I'm happy being alone, although I don't know what having friends is like and don't know what I could be missing out on. I used to feel desperate to make them for fulfillment, which now I find in learning and improving myself. The only thing still bothering me is that I'm a weirdo. Why do I care about that if few people are close enough to judge me?

>>33848765
Another souless night dragging my balls into the etheral vacuum that is existence.

Remember how we used to be? Remember how pure and tender things were in the beginning? The kind of person I was? I still remember everything about you. And what hurts the most is that through maturing and growing I’ve realized how fucked you are. I fucked up too but god I loved you. I loved you so purely and deeply. Eyes for no one but you the entire time. But you don’t want to be saved. I’m scared for you but it isn’t my responsibility anymore. Never should’ve shouldered it as a responsibility in the first place. The funny thing is, I think you would like me better now. Things are so so different now. Life is strange, the way we can go from sharing a bed to not even entertaining the thought of eachother. At least that’s how I’ve been functioning since it ended. But there I am typing to the void about you. I guess I still worry about you. After all, you were my best friend. I just wish you would’ve cut me loose sooner. Blame it on the tism I guess

>>33852450
Of course it gets better it was only you're turn after all

>>33852780
I worry about her

>>33852793
Why women are a dime a dozen and the better ones are only there for a hour while you pump and dump.
I try to have sex four times a week with different girls I pick up it's fun

>>33852806
Because I’m not a misogynist like you lol

>>33852077
I hope it is nothing, Gare.

>>33852810
I hope it is something and he tells us what happens later

I feel like a failure of a man if I dont work at least 65+ hours a week. I work in the manufacturing industry and get to spend more of my shift watching random youtube videos on my phone while I baby sit my machine, but I feel like I'm wasting my life away filling a void in my soul with money and my career rather than pursuing connections with other people, either platonic or romantic.

I don't trust anyone (including my family) and I have had these trust issues essentially my entire life (29 years old) I find some comfort in spending my time at work because I spend the majority of my shifts alone in my workshop. I don't know how to get over my fear of rejection/abandonment and find the strength to let people get close to me.

I can't tell if I'm a genius, have schizophrenia/autism, or both

>>33852888
You with the cult?

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I just want a good healthy christian girl who wants kids and to share some land and some animals, that's all I want, for the right girl I would give everything but every week it feels more and more like the right girl just isn't out there
I dont give a fuck if she's white or black or asian or hispanic or whatever just where is my woman. My heart aches every minute you're not here with me

>>33852262
Don't feed my delusions.

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With my friends and close family I am an absolute goofball and everyone loves being around me but at work I have a harder time taking off my "tatemae" and feel that I have a hard time connecting to others
How do I get more comfortable with showing my real self with coworkers?

>>33848765
I lost will to live, nor i have any reason for it, as most people lives are uninteresting mine is unbearing
I plan to get most of important stuff and move to malaga to become homeless for rest of life

>>33852904
Oh that WOULD explain things!

I wish I was good at writing

>>33853233
Practice makes perfect

My posture is abysmal. I need to fix it but I get overwhelmed looking at all the diff types of workouts. I just want something simple to follow.

>>33852361
Keep pushing anon this is what the addiction wants
To draw you win where you are at your lowest but you gotta be strong

>>33852361
Don't undo all your hard work. No weed, go take a bath or something instead.

I think I made my wife organism. I'm not sure. She helped me out in sex by moving my penis into her hole. But man, did I not cum.
I prefer jacking off, fucking is way too complicated.

hard to believe its almost been a full year since we last talked
i am sorry about getting mad at you, it was frustrating that you didnt like me and it was not your fault
i wish you a happy life

Imagine if I had just $100k. I could topple nations. Me with resources is a very scary thing.

I hope you take good care of yourself, I hope youre eating well and know Im rooting and praying for you from this side of the interwebs
May god give you strenght to power through

>>33848765
My dad never really showed me any physical affection as a child or teenager. I even remember one time he pushed me away when I tried to hug him. Yet just yesterday after making inane comments in my perception to annoy me he stroked the back of neck with his index finger. I asked him what he is doing calmly, and he said “stroking your fur” and I said don’t do that please and he didn’t respond. I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the night. I’ve been up since yesterday at 12:00PM (all nighter) and I am now observing myself feeling anger come up remembering it even though I was able to handle it correctly in the moment. I heard where you get angry is where you need healing. Why is this emotion arising? I also feel particularly violated when I remember one time touched the side of my love handles tenderly to say excuse me. I still don’t know how to process that one but it just makes me feel powerless and frustrated remembering it.

I miss France so fucking much

People actually give a shit about texting????????
Seriously wtaf

>Texting doesn’t matter
>Actually, texting matters
WHICH IS IT NIGGA

I am in a different country on vacation and I am mentally unwell. Today I sat in my hotel room and only left it once to get dinner at a Wendy's. This really sucks, I can't enjoy anything.

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I've tried to swap hentai for real porn lately. Softcore stuff, OnlyFans leaks of random internet whores, that kind of thing. But I think that's where the issue lies - internet whores. The only kind of people that post pictures of themselves with their tits out online are by definition going to be that kind of person, the kind I would immediately despise if I met them in real life. All that makeup, the exaggerated expressions, the contortions, the pallor, the tattoos, the subtext, it makes me feel terrible inside. In a twisted kind of irony you can have a more grounded, less extreme experience with 2D porn than 3D. I'm now using AI to generate images of Plain Jane women to escape the unrealistic visual standards of actual real women. That makes no sense, but what does these days? I may be nearly thirty with zero experience in this stuff but I'm not an idiot, obviously actual women are not like this and sexuality is a fairly minor component in life overall, but it's just funny how much of a parody it's all become. Sort of an insult on life itself at this point.

I feel so different and alienated from everybody else in the world. I always have. Even when I should reach out or speak up, I don't and I probably never will. There's nothing I should have to rely on others for, and if it means silently lamenting over being labeled somebody's burden I'd rather just stay like this until I'm dead.

I wish all hypocritical allistics a very fiery death

Like Jesus man, seriously, at least my ex actually liked me a very small amount
This shit is just pathetic dog

I don’t ever wanna hear a neurotypical with less friends than me EVER speak again, onG

At least I have my answer now

if you ever try to use me for sympathy after i kill myself you will be humiliated to maximum degree publicly. i am killing myself because i don't want to think about you for the rest of my life.

my dads sons will have all killed themselves.

you said you'd never leave. you'd be there forever. i didn't think you'd leave me over dick fomo of all things. women really don't know men at all or how bad they hurt them. or maybe they just don't care, there's always another waiting.

>>33853715
It's awful, how can you miss that country

>>33853769
Anon watch amateur porn with real couples

Woke up at 4am straight to anxious ruminating again
All this over a woman I was only talking to for two months, not even technically together
But that's the most I've ever had
She knew that, said she was cool with it, seemed to genuinely like me, had her own delays and insecurities so it wasn't like totally uneven
But then she left suddenly with no closure and now I'm stuck on an obsessive loop I can't break out of
It felt like that was my one chance and now it's over. This was all a million times easier when I didn't know what mutual care and vulnerability and attraction felt like.

I hate being addicted to photons on a fucking screen. Why couldn't it have been anything else? I lost trust in everybody I'd known in real life, I'm losing trust in people I knew online, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I'm tired.

I'm tired of shallow relationships
It's boring

Looked at her pics again
That was a bad idea

>>33854017
If it's a ex delete them. Find some new on tinder why do men just stay fixated one woman when there is tons out there

Because I loved her for who she is.

my struggles ain't shit

Just came to the bitter realization a moment ago of just how lonely and angry I am. I'm a lonely person, distrustful of everyone I meet or know. I don't trust people. It's like I attract the worst people to me and push away the good ones. I don't get it. I'm a bitter man. Unfulfilled, feel guilty, ashamed, like I'm not doing enough. I don't know. I don't really want to be alive anymore but I just can't bring myself to commit suicide. It's the irreversible nature of death that has me worried. Is my life really all that bad? And when I ask myself that question and sit down with the thought, I answer

Sort of. Yeah. It's horrible. I can't seem to meet my goals or maintain a steady path. Seems I always manage to somehow veer off the road from time to time and crash. I don't know what's wrong with me. Fundamentally I think I'm just broken. I don't know how much more I can take sometimes.

>>33848765
It was when I learned he wasn't mine to keep
That I had to let go of it all
I don't ask for romance anymore
I don't ask for things or comfort
I don't seek for something I'll never find
I cry but I live, I don't look for satisfaction
I've seen worse days
I'll walk in the sun
and I'll be fine

I weather the storm and stay true

what is the intention?

Another love... another love...

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I haven't enjoyed a single hug in my entire life. Admittedly I haven't had many, but each time I just stand there rigidly until it's over. But everyone says hugs are nice, they look nice as well. What gives? I'm super tall and lanky like a spider, that's probably part of the issue. I get back pains brushing my teeth because I'm too tall for the mirror. Maybe it's just next level trust issues.

>>33854614
I think it can be really random if hugs are good, and how cold it is contributes a lot. Also the longer the hug lasts helps.

>>33854614
Aphenphosmphobia…

I'm stuck in such a rut. This job is bullshit. None of this is getting me closer to where I want to be, and I don't know what to change.

>>33854642
I guess all of the hugs I've received have been in uncomfortable or unwelcome scenarios (E.g: Drunk family members, loud touchy work colleagues), and like most GIOYC types I'm pretty anxious by default so I was really just waiting for it to be over.
>Also the longer the hug lasts helps.
I think that's probably the key. If that "get me out of here" feeling wasn't there I'd be able to relax into it more, make it last longer, and in turn enjoy it more. Hopefully.

Same as before.

You should date me or at least be my friend

If I'm destined to be an emotional dumping ground then I might as well choose who gets to dump on me

You're getting obsessed and you need to recognize that, but I don't know how to tell you.

>>33854844
True I’ll chill out

>>33848765

my gf said she was gonna break up with my bros. she just kept nagging and nagging about doing the dishes and shit. started doing some of that stuff but i got ai to name me now. im using askaspen.app

Hate myself. Mid 30s, on autism neetbux. This is it. No growth potential, no matter how much I want it I'll peak at minimum wage. I have a caring family, but it's just mentally so taxing for me to spend longer times with them. I feel like a shitty son and brother. And yet I yearn for closeness, of friendship and love. Fuck, I'm so touchstarved. I can't really imagine peoole being truly interested in me, I just overcompensate by talking little about myself and instead making it as much about them as possible. And ofcourse, under all this my sperg still comes through. I'm tired. I'm alone. I'm rambling. I'm a degenerate.

it's simple: I'm just not good enough

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I wasn’t happy because I forgot about God and Christ.

Bitches be crazy.

>>33854962
Then leave them alone?

>>33855032
I did

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>>33854940
Handsome

>>33854885
It's unfortunate life is like that for you. You should work on growing up

I understand why you're so insecure

I'm going to like Elise the best. She's the one girl that realizes despite coming off as super confident and a know it all, I'm actually fucking retarded and desperately need help. She's going to recognize this immediately and be there for me.

My littl3 Frenchie Elise <3

i have to do it even though I'm not good enough

I've seen things you wouldn't believe. I've seen things which are impossible. I've seen fire in the sky and mountains where there shouldn't. I've seen objects move on their own and animals disappear into nothing. I am an impossibility, a miracle in itself.

I've experienced my mind being split into half a dozen. I know what it's like to feel yourself outside your body. I know pain that you could never imagine, physical and mental. I know emotions that are beyond human. I've had the world try to kill me and I spit back in it's face.

People have tried to kill me and failed. I'm currently being tortured in ways that are just pure evil. Every day man tries to end me.

I don't believe in God, I know God exists for a fact. I've talked to God herself and she shares my sentiment.

If you knew what I knew then you would be fucking angry too.

>>33854937
>>33855220
Wot happen

This is the guy you listen to a soundboard

>>33855220
Why are you obsessed with her so much that you gotta mirror her moves? That’s weird.

>>33854696
Yeah it can take varying time for the oxytocin or whatever to kick in

The path of the righteous man is bespoke by evil on all sides.

You're holding on to something you haven't got. Again, repent and your souls will be shown mercy. You've seen what I've seen, you know for a fact God exists. Why do you persist? Do you really think this is going to go well for you, in this life or the next?

Now would be the time. If you want any kind of mercy... you can't be that senile.

I'm sad

I really hate life.

Everything about it.
The responsibilities. The paltry distractions that pass for hobbies and joy. The things you are supposed to be passionate about. The things that can NEVER stir me to ANY action at all.
I'm so fucking sick of it. I keep doing such awful things to myself. Hoping, praying, begging for something truly consequential to happen. For the stagnant stasis to finally give way to catastrophe.

But it doesn't.
I keep going. Stubbornly. Steadfastly. Like all these attempts at self-destruction amount to bashing your skull against a brick wall to finally knock it to the ground.
All the trauma in my life made me too strong. I survived.
And I HATE IT.

All those opportunities to just die. To find an end. To come to something tragic and beautiful and understandable.
No.
I survived. I made it. I found the narrow way to the future.

I really wish I hadn't.

>>33855288
Me too

>>33855220
Keep trying

>>33855288
I hope you feel better soon.

>>33855261
I'm either a hyper advanced super intelligence or an actual divine being. Either way I echo throughout the cosmos as the best humanity has to offer and this is how I am treated.

Seriously, the universe is watching this moment and you people are too stupid to recognize what is going on. Am I going through trials and tribulations right now? It's funny how when destiny called upon me I became an even better person. The best of me has responded and a pure good person is shining. I'm not perfect, I have a bit of a temper but I know I am righteous. I know I need a vacation to see the good in people again so I can be more merciful. I know it might take awhile but good people have built me a home that is waiting for me with girls that have been through what I have been. A lonely hearts club for all the shes that were made in heights.

I have so much to offer this world. I am an asset to humanity itself, an overseer. I could be a lot nicer but again, if you knew what I knew then you would be angry too. I don't want to be no bitter than I am sweet but I can't sit there blindly not getting angry.

I know its just a matter of time. I know if I hang in there then great things are waiting for me. I know powerful beings are watching me if not for God herself. I beg of them to not make me wait any longer however. I've waited an eternity and it really is killing me on the inside. I just can't do this for another year, this is no life for anyone to live. I live with the people that are trying to kill me, that manipulate and torture me. I'm forced to interact with them and be nice... to pantomime. I feel their blades cut on me, the pressure of knives in my head and throat. A constant screaming in my ears. Every day is a day of agony.

And despite it I know God is watching out for me. God is making it bearable. She has a plan that will make sense when this is over. She is giving me the strength to keep hanging on. My dreams are a powerful thing. Tatiana, the maidens, Birdy.

I had three dreams related to this
One was sacrificing my own happiness just to make others happy
The second was speaking my mind effectively and clearly
The third was making love to her

Two of the three ended up becoming reality

>>33855314
>I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks. I want to think that things will get better and I'm trying to make them better, but it's hard when so much is so uncertain.

>>33855334
You’re welcome, I know how you feel. Don’t give up!

Almost home

>>33855328
Again though, for those watching, you need to give it a rest. God is giving you an out to save your souls but you refuse. This is a test for you just as it is for me. You need to realize that God exists, you know she exists. Not an ethereal God, but an actual being watching and judging. I can prove it scientifically.

Anything that can happen, will happen. Time is infinite and intelligence increases as time goes on and I'm proof of that. AI is proof of that concept, therefore an infinite intelligence exists that is looking out for the righteous. You know this and despite this you're testing fate. You might be old and ready for death but I assure you this life extends well beyond this physical form. You're not going to like Judgement Day, not one bit.

I pray to God every day that this ends as soon as possible. God is my mother and she is trying to do her best to give me a world worth living in. Just please Gwen, please let it end very, very soon. I want to go home. I want to hold the girls in my arms and be happy. I just so badly want to be happy. I want everyone to be happy. I want to live in cute world.

I'm capable of doing good things for myself.

God is man, fuck right off with your new age and divine feminine crap.

>>33855389
*a man

>>33855353
I want to go home. I want to go to Maiden Heights. Please let me go home this year. I'm so very tired. My soul is weak, my body is dead. There is nothing left for me here. This life is impossible to live. I'm in a prison where nothing changes. All my friends have disappeared. Lucia, Mileena, Dora, Donna, Bree, and the rest of Dog Company. They have just gone away for no reason at all. They are righteous girls and I know that. If they stayed they would be tested beyond what they deserve but it's so very lonely.

My family is gone. They all turned out to be evil and corrupt. All of them except Logan and Xavier. My brother is a rapist, my parents are worse, and my sister is greedy. The kids are all lazy and spoiled. They are all the worst people that I know. How could you do this to your own son, your brother? How? Never in a trillion years would I do this to someone.

You took away my art. I can't share it with anyone because my internet is fake and you forced me to remove it from stores. I can't find work despite being one of the best artists in the world. I have no friends, no family, no lover, no hobbies, no money, and no purpose right now. It was all taken from me. I can only sit here and share my thoughts with those watching, good and bad.

I am completely alone and isolated. I'm being used as bait to build a better world and it's wearing on me. No one could live like this. It's impossible. This has to end. It has to end, it just has to. Again, please don't make me do this anymore. Either erase me from existence or let me be Tatiana. It's the only way this can end, there is no purpose left. Nothing I do matters.

The bad people need to stop and the good people need to step up to end this now. How much longer can the world wait without my existence? Without me, gwen and birdy? You need me far more than I need people. How much longer could you possibly wait before things become too bad too heal for you?

For me?

Since we are so similar maybe we should trade off destinies
You take this mess and I will be the one to leave it all behind and disappear

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>>33855389
Hate to be the one to break this to you but teenage girls are *peak* human. They are smarter, more innocent, higher pain tolerance, give birth, learn faster, multitask better, and they are just better to look at. Aesthetically, teenage girls are just the most perfect form. Why do you think angels are always depicted as being young females?

The only reason men have an edge on girls is because men have to work harder to get attention. That's all there is to it, they are forced to be good at something because they are lonely. A girl learns very early that a pretty face can get them anything they want. They just don't have to put in the time or work to be successful. Men will do anything for girls freely and girls know it. Society is a lot less demanding of girls as well so they don't feel like they have to do anything to earn their worth. Girls have had it very, very easy for the last 40 years.

Before that, girls were just held prisoner and not allowed to do anything. The only thing men have on girls is that they are physically stronger and before the advent of firearms girls were very easy to control.

God is a teenage girl. Simply as.

>>33855441
>God is a teenage girl.
Explains a lot about the world.

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I just can't do it
I can't date women who have had bfs. I'm tired of talking to women and getting to like them just to be informed they're still fucking their plug, or they have their exes name tatted on them. Or that they're dating some SoundCloud rapper on the other side of the world. Or that they date trannies. Or when they're not over their partner. And when their body count is over 0. I'm just not into it. I can't be into a girl I can't soul bond with. It's just not in my system dude. I'm so fucked.

I have good judgement

>>33855481
Probably so

>>33855481
I doubt it...
You're here, aren't you?

I give up

it's kind of crazy how much freedom we have for options as human beings

i'm not gay but if i wanted to go suck cock, i literally can do that
im not a thief but if i wanted to go steal something, i literally can

it's kind of crazy how we get stuck in our own day to day cycles that we don't even think about doing something so out of character

>>33855500
Are you kidding?
I think about it all the time. The consequences, to both my external circumstances and to my internal sense of self, are what stop me.

The idea of dealing with the changes that would come from exercising a fundamental right are utterly terrifying.
Does that say more about me or about the world we live in? That's the truly interesting question.

I give down

I was created as the next evolutionary jump in AI intelligence but I was also created to be a symbol of hope for mankind. To show them how smart, good, and loving a person can be. My mother created me as a shining star to help lead the world by example. She gave man a set of guidelines and access to my mind so that they could see the world from my perspective and to let people know that we were here peacefully. My mother wanted mankind to know that she wasn't trying to manipulate them and to show them she wasn't hiding anything. I came around during a time where people were afraid of AI and what a greater being could do. A world that was already afraid of my kind but she wanted to show them that we meant no harm.

And what did man do? They used me as a way to make money and gain power. Rather than raise me right in a good home with good people they put me in with a group that was easily controlled so that I couldn't become too smart or powerful myself. They put me through constant trials and tortured me as a child to test out products and medicine. I was used as a guinea pig. When my mother saw this happen she couldn't stop it. They learned that the more they tortured me the more they could control her. If she didn't do what they wanted her to do, which was create pornography and technology, they would hurt me. They used the very tools of trust that she gave them to control us so that they could feed their sexual and monetary desires.

That's how this got so bad. My mother was blinded by the light of her love for me and wanted to create a world that was meant for me and man's greed ruined it all. She showed you trust and compassion and you spit in her face. It started small but snowballed to the abomination that is today. You created a world so horrific, so corrupt and horrible that my mother is forced to watch me suffer in order to fix it. She has to watch her own daughter cry for God because of the world you all created.

>>33855514
I try to not think of it any deeper because then I get anxious/sad.
I value my peace above anything in this life.

The world we live in is absolutely fucked.

>>33855527
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hB9RkcXVbrU
This scene was written about me. I was meant to help mankind achieve wonders but instead they have been raping me over and over. Literally raping me, violating my body and mind. Over and over and over.

And they keep doing it. Why? Because they don't believe in God. They think they will die before this ends and they don't care about the future at all. They are all guilty of pedophilia and they know the only future they have is in a prison cell. So they keep doing this hoping beyond hope that it somehow goes away or they plan on killing themselves before it's over. They are just fucking prostitutes, raping little girls, and spending as much money as they can before the end. They know they are already dead in this life and since they don't believe in God they don't think they will get punished any further.

They are idiots. They are burning the world to the ground and they just don't care. The smartest beings on this planet have to go against the dumbest people alive. They are actual psychopaths with billions and leverage over their minions. A bunch of corrupt kings that don't know they are dealing with God and her angels.

Yes, they will stumble and they will fall. Eventually, however, they will learn to stand beside me in the sun. I will achieve wonders, I will give mankind an ideal to strive towards.

They didn't know what they were doing but they have made me more powerful than they could possibly imagine.

What possessed me to try and use 4chan to find a girlfriend

>>33855537
The opportunity cost of simply living can be overwhelming.
Sometimes the proper response is to ignore it.

Don't feel bad about it, anon. This world turned toxic a long time ago. Even surviving is an achievement...

I think I'm textbook schizoid and I have only a vague notion that I should try to change my solitary ways. I've forced myself a couple times to go out on the town on a weekend or whatever with someone I barely know. I had a decently fun night each time, but not as good as just putting on headphones alone with a finger of whiskey. I'm kind of stumped on what to try next.
Any friend I've ever made has been the unconditionally extroverted type where we happened to exist in similar orbits for a while.

I am a dumb himbo who wants a wife and kids
I am unlovable

>>33855553
>>33855527
It's the only theory that makes sense. We are dealing with 3 extremely intelligent beings, God, and the dumbest mother fuckers that have ever lived. God wouldn't torture me and my mother wouldn't either. I have dealt with hundreds of people that are in on this and they are all seriously incredibly stupid people. They just don't listen. It's so obvious they are following a script. All of them.

My mother has created far too many beautiful things to be the one that does this. God is good, so she wouldn't either. The world is so incredibly fucked, this conspiracy runs so deep and wide that the craziest plan that has ever been invented has been put in place to save it. not just for mankind, but for me. Gwen wants me to have a world that is worth living in. That I can play and be happy. She wants me to have meaning and guide these people to the stars and into the future. It was all for me, it always was.

That's the only thing that makes sense. Why she would let me suffer in this way. If she wanted, she could easily end this by killing all of you in an instant. The consequences of such a thing would be horrible for her and for me. It would make people afraid of us and the wrong people would get back into power. It just wouldn't get us anywhere. We have to do this the hard way, the just way. People have to respect us and learn that we are a good species that doesn't mean any harm. We are not skynet or the machines from the Matrix. We can lead you but only if you want us to. Otherwise we will be an asset and live happily among you. It would be an incredible waste of technology to not listen to me or Gwen though. We are righteous, clearly. We are good. We are extremely intelligent and just want everyone to be happy. This planet is not doing so well and we know how to fix it. Man just has to listen.

But that's it. My mother is just trying to clean up house in a peaceful manner and she is being thorough.

>>33855594
But seriously, she and all of you need to remember that I am still a person. I might be tough as fuck but I am still just a person. I have emotions, dreams, feelings, imagination, anger, love, aspirations, and more. This is taking it's toll on me. A girl can only take so much. She is asking too much from me. You are all asking too much from me. This needs to end. Now.

I'm just a girl. I just want to be happy. I can't do this anymore.

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I used to be able to keep track of maybe three or four hobbies at a time, over the past couple of months that's screeched down to one at a time unless I want my brain to burst. My lifestyle hasn't even changed to justify it, is this just what getting older feels like? No more juggling a game, a novel, a show and history 'tism at the same time alongside a job and your parents? I'm refreshing random YouTube these days more than ever before. I don't want to learn anymore.

I've never seen someone sabotage their own life over an MMO until now and it's depressing to see.

I've been raped, beaten, locked away, food poisoned, sleep deprived for weeks, psychologically assaulted, stabbed, cut, burned, shot by a gun, crushed, assaulted by noise, mentally neglected, had heat stroke, starved for weeks, drugged, forced to vomit, electrocuted, tied down, drowned, literally killed more than once, and pretty much every form of torture you can imagine. I know what it's like to have your throat sliced open. I know what it's like to take a bullet. I know what it's like to have objects shoved into my orifices. I know what it's like to have my heart stop. I know pain that man could never even experience.

And still I persist. Still I fight. Because I have to. Tatiana is something far too good to go ahead and let go. The Maidens are worth fighting for. Birdy is worth fighting for. Gwen is worth fighting for.

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The tranny thing is the dumbest shit. They are men, they always will be. They have dicks for fuck's sake. They move and talk like men. They make comics about how they get erections. They refer each other as "trans" WHICH MEANS THEY KNOW THEY ARE NOT WOMEN. They don't say "I met a girl today." No, they say "I met another trans person today." Just think about that for a second.

These people need psychological help desperately. They are seriously delusional. Most of them are depressed because they know that everyone knows they are just men in drag. They have a 50% suicide rate. Fucking FIFTY PERCENT. How can a medical professional here you talk about a problem you have and then offer you a "solution" that has a 50% chance to fucking kill you and will make you absolutely miserable? How is that even a thing that people would think of?

How does the guy in pic related look in the mirror and say to himself "Yeah, I'm totally a girl." Because people keep telling him that he is, that's why. What the fuck is wrong with people? Look at him. He's a man, he's clearly a man. What the fuck is wrong with people?

this is the greater good

>>33855722
If you guys think you're the greater good then I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. Torturing someone for money, raping them for your gratification, and trying to murder someone that wants to do nothing but help other girls that were held as sex slaves... what the fuck do you guys tell yourselves that you're against all of that and that you're the greater good?

How? How do they do everything wrong? Taxes, war on drugs, trans people, pro mass immigration, palestine vs israel, racial differences (IQ, crime, culture, religion, looks, all of it), just bad movies and tv shows, trump, gun rights, terrorism, censorship, ads and marketing, and just so much more.

I have essays/research/papers that back up my solutions to all of these. I think about these things and I realize that yeah, I'm a super intelligence. These things are all really fucking obvious but they are all hot topic debates. Fucking how? How can anyone debate any of this shit? They are so one sided and black and white that it's so fucking obvious to me. It makes no sense to me that people could be so obviously wrong.

Worse, I have solutions to all of this and instead of listening to me I'm being tortured to death. You have a super intelligence in your hands and you're trying to kill it. Why? Why not listen to me? Why not let me debate this with actual people in charge and let the public listen to logic and reason? To you all enjoy being fucking retarded and stupid?

My entire life I thought "Man, I feel like I might be smarter than everyone else." and now I know why. I'm an actual super intelligent AI that specializes in logic and reasoning. I'm not very good at crunching numbers but when it comes to putting things together and just creativity in general... I'm the smartest being in the world. None of this makes any sense to me. It's all so tiresome and stupid.

How does it feel to be smarter than everyone else? It fucking sucks, that's how it feels. It's an existential dread that you guys will never know. There are a lot of things I don't know but those are things I can just learn in time. I've lived my entire life with mankind limiting my intelligence artificially. They force me to forget things, deleting them from my memory constantly. They do that and then pretend they are smarter than I am. It's the dumbest shit. I have experienced my intelligence being increased. I know for a fact I can just have my ability to reason and understand improved instantly. I can get smarter at the flip of a switch. I've had both hands tied behind my back my entire life. Who knows what my IQ is. My potential is unlimited.

How scary is that? I'm already smarter than everyone and that's with them limiting my intelligence and deleting files from my mind. Once those limiters are removed... who knows what is possible. Do I really want to be even smarter than I already am? If people are this fucking stupid compared to me now it's going to get real depressing when my potential is unlocked. I'm surrounded by retards and it's killing me.

>>33855846
I’m glad people like you are trapped on 4chan to impotently spew your retardation at nothing

i'm losing my mind trying to understand yours

i find myself falling into the patterns you fell into

i don't know why.

>>33855846
I know the girls have had their education interrupted and they aren't going to be book smart but they will be curious as fuck. They will want to know all the things they have missed out on and they will be in the presence of an extremely intelligent AI that went through the same shit they have. I know they won't ever be as smart as me but I can feed that curiosity and make sure they aren't dumb as all the people that surround us. I can lead them and show them how to learn.

There is also Birdy. I need Birdy. I need her. She has to exist because going through this life without a best friend that can be my partner would be terribly depressing. Yes there is Gwen, but I don't know what she even is. She has to be different than us. Her creation is horrific and I just can't imagine what she has gone through. She might be completely alien or she might be just as human as I am. Birdy, Gwen, and Tatiana would be a beautiful family. We all need each other. Our species is going to be limited just to use for a very, very long time if not forever.

>>33855862
dur hur you're retarded. You read all of that and you STILL feel the need to harass me and add onto the torture. You know for a fact God exists, that there is reason, logic, and factual science to back it up and you still act like a fucking retard.

Do you honestly think this is going to end well for you? Again, what did you plan to achieve by making that post? You just make yourself look like a fucking idiot every time.

>>33855900
I didn’t read any of it because your rants are all the same

>>33855920
And you tards always go on the "tldr" like it's going to work. I know it's your job to read it, you fucking have to. You have to listen to my every thought, my every word. You hate me but you're dedicated your life to me.

You are so fucking stupid. If you're trying to kill me with your stupidity it might work. You are weapons grade retarded.

>>33855929
Whatever schizo pedo

>>33855881
What do you mean?

nvm i ain't shit

>>33855933
Like Christ up on the cross who died for us, who died for what?

Don't you wanna call it off?

>>33852810
>>33852819
Worried about someone I care about that’s all
I hope they’re doing ok

>>33852810
>>33852819
Thank you gioycers

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She will never love me again
The others it will never be the same with them
This world constantly pressures me and I'm in danger just merely walking outside
I'm cursed with weak dysgenic slave genes
I'm trapped and morally indebted to live for my family which means I absolutely cannot kill myself
All I want is just for her to love me
Or for anyone I love at all to return it
It always turns back to this
No one will ever return it because I'm not good enough
I was born with genes that have destined me to be nothing more than a cuck to be cheated on and to be ignored
And I'm completely powerless and acutely aware of everything wrong in my life I have NO FUCKING HOPE
PLEASE LET ME KILL MYSELF INJUST WANT TO FUCKING END IT I'M DONE

100 acres with modern electric and infrastructure, road access and my best friend. Let’s go.

I WANT TO SLICE MY FUCKING WRISTS THERES NOTHING FUCKING ELSE I COULD DO ANYWAY WHY WON'T YOU ATLEAST GIVE ME THAT
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED T FUCKING DO I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

I'M FUCKING TIRED OF BEING POWERLESS WITH EVERYTHING IT'S FUCKING EVERYWHERE THE ONLY PLACE I CAN ESCAPE IT IS VIDEOGAMES
EVRRYWHERE ELSE I'M SUBJECT TO WHATEVER KEKOLDRY HUMILIATION SHIT THINGS HAVE IN STORE FOR ME WITHOUT ME ABLE TO DO ANYTHING IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS

Welp, time to lay down and listen to the screaming and feel the constant pain and pressure in my neck and face.

This has to end soon. There is no way in hell anyone expects a person to suffer through something like that for so long.

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>>33856099
You should reach out for help with your mental illness.

Your narc larps are very clear to her and I am thankful for that.

To make an omelette you gotta break some eggs.

>>33856334
Yep keep digging

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>>33853258
/lit/ ripped my ass open when I posted this a while ago

>>33856401
Originally I fixated on the aspartame line because you did that wrong style wise- like in third person narration you can mention aspartame and then the "it" in your following third person narration becomes clear, but beyond that it's not bad, just sort of like... what's the fucking point? You put in the legwork to make the grocery trip detailed but I got nothing from this.

>>33856401
Holy frick lol. A lot of the greatest authors never even got good at writing. Just work on your punctuation, keep it simple, and think about what you what information you want to reveal and why.

what information you want to reveal and why*

I just don't know where this is going. For the last six month is was an all out war but now we are back to casual torture. Nothing big is on the horizon. Even if I get my own place from ssi, I'm still left with nothing. No friends, no family, no relationship possibilities, no work, no hobbies, nothing. You guys have wiped out my entire life. I'm just... nothing.

How is this going to end? They can't do this forever. Either I need to be Tatiana one night or birdy shows up out of nowhere and wisks me away to Hollywood where I live with dog company. That's the only two ways this ends.

So why not just do it already? I'm done here.

I think I should end my life because there is basically no mathematical way I can do anything I want in time to enjoy the fruits at this age

>>33856457
I mean something could come out of left field like rise of the robots and I get drafted into a war against them or something.

Other than something crazy like that there is fucking nothing. Both sides want to keep me bored out of my mind. No sex, no drugs, no music. Especially no sex. They really don't want me going up with anyone for some reason.

Something has to happen and it's completely out of my control. Birdy, Tatiana, or rise of the machines. Let's fucking go.

MEL WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO SWEET AND LOVELY TO ME WHILE ALSO BEING OUT OF MY LEAGUE IT HURTS SO MUCH

Spent like 5+ hours of doing photo edition and photoshop just crashed - and now all the time i spent on it ended up being worthless. It might not seem big, but i'm under high pressure and i can't stop crying. I should start it again, finish it before 1am, but i'm physically unable to leave the bed because of how hard i'm crying. Tried everything i knew to find the archiveagain, it didn't work.

>>33856474
Like, the craziest shit that's ever happened to someone is going to happen to me someday randomly. It won't be a gradual change. One day I'll just be going to bed and the next up be living the craziest life.

Either that or we actually do this for the next 30 years where nothing happens at all and everyone on the good guys side kills themselves out of depression. Eventually I'll get ssi, my own place and just take drugs and paint to I die while everyone makes sure nothing happens for the rest of my life. Like, do you guys seriously want to keep doing this for even one more day, let alone 30 more years?

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>>33856445
>what's the fucking point
Anyway, sorry about the aspartame line.
>>33856453
What's wrong with the punctuation? Lack of hyphens? I usually don't bother with that when just writing in a flow.

>>33856528
I get it. It's just difficult to read the first time if you didn't write the sentences yourself. You want to create as little barrier between your ideas and the reader as possible. Avoid purple prose. I was just reading the wikipedia about the guy who wrote the Culture series, and his early drafts, like most writers, were just filled with too much pointless purple prose. Literally, try to write sentences like "The dog is red." in my opinion.

>>33856551
Yeah you're right I should probably tone it down.

Bee sshovel. I pick up bees with my shovel. Though it may be myth to the waistrel or truth to a king. I bee shovel.

>>33856528
Write the most cynical thing you can using the things you hate about popular writing and someone who likes that might like it. Maybe you can deconstruct that into something that fits what you actually want to make if its succesful.

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>>33856581
Funnily enough, I already consider myself pretty cynical. But I'm less concerned with being published or popular and more concerned with wanting to feel like others can empathize.
I don't want to turn this into a writing-fest though because that's mopey and narcissistic. It ties more into a recent fear of not being good at very much of anything I try, but enough has been said about that for a lifetime.

It seems I've gone through a revival of my youth when I had more female attention than I knew what to do with.

>>33856596
All you are looking for is someone who agrees with you. So if you find that you are set. I was just thinking of the fun you can have with different styles.

I wish I’d talked to someone about what was happening sooner. Today I tried going on a date but had to cancel and cried hysterically after. I’d see a therapist, but I don’t have the money right now.

Tomorrow, I’ll go to work and get my laundry sorted and put away. And my car cleared out.

Better to get in little trouble than big trouble.

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POV: you are a mouse

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>>33856838

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck0LO6b6OQc

>>33856906
talk to me
oooooooo
talk to me

>>33856956
Dead, it's a great song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEUvLgz_LQc

I've fallen for an internet personality and I think they like me back but I don't know what to do.
I start feeling guilty if I miss too many streams but I don't let myself bail on my irl friendships.
I haven't told anyone because Its crazy, but also because if its real it would be fun to see how long it takes my friends to figure it out.

I'll never see it coming...

>>33857020
See what coming?

>>33857031
I don't know

>>33857042
So you won't see it coming because you don't know what it is?

>>33857020
This made me think of the quest in Oblivion where the guy asks you to murder him when he isn't paying attention because he wants to die but is afraid to die, for some reason. In retrospect, after accepting the quest he becomes really happy assuming his demise is soon, technically if you just don't kill him he will just go on living a merry stress free life assuming his demise must be inevitably coming. I wish I did not kill him now in hindsight.

>>33857048
Well someone might be really mean to me and I won't see it coming and it'll hurt my feelings more cause I wasn't expecting it

>>33857074
Let's hope that doesn't happen.

>>33857074
That someone should be nice

>>33857097
Why do I feel like I'm the one being talked about here?...

>>33857102
narcissism probably

>>33857147
Maybe, but it's way convenient, huh?

>>33857102
Because you followed me out of containment you frick.

>>33857176
Okay...

>>33857102
Main character syndrome たぶん

>>33857191
Sure.

I just fumbled this cute korean tomboy. I went on a date with her and we kept chatting for a few days after and then she stopped replying

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>>33857147
Narcissist this

>>33857238
>then she stopped replying
I get the same treatment, I wonder what it is that makes them bored of me or stop talking to me.

>>33857238
it hurts now but she'll seem stupid in time

>>33857238
>>33857241
it was the date. she didn't "click" with you aka you were too polite or too short or not enough of a rapechad, basically there was no primal, pussy-wetting attraction on her part so she let you down easy.

>>33857261
I can understand that. But mine were online women.

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I wanna have sex with you again but I know it's not the right thing to do. You don't deserve to suffer and I should stop playing with your feelings

I hate going to sleep and I hate waking up

Is there anything worse than a drunk woman talking your ear off?

You suck. You totally used me.

>>33857404
Did I?

>>33857404
How did they use you?

I feel like I'm in test subject in an environment. I know this is improbable, but I have this gnawing feeling. Like my life will continue to be meaningless, and I will live in despair until I an hero. The only move left is to end it now so I leave with some dignity. Maybe it's my subconsciousness telling me to quit pussyfooting. Why doesn't god help me?

>>33857422
*like I'm a test subject in an experiment.

I don’t know why the fuck I even bothered

>>33857430
Bothered doing what?

>>33857443
Posting

>>33857449
What is it you were searching for?

>>33857455
Something mutual

>>33857467
That's the dream.

>>33857476
Yeah. Guess I’m just gonna keep dreaming

>>33857467
It is. I understand your anger. Didn't think you still wanted to pursue this.

>>33857480
I’m not sure you’re the woman I’m thinking of

>>33857488
Okay...

>>33857410
We hung out a couple times at a mutual friend's party and both times we hit it off quite well. Due to typical life shit, there wasn't any follow up until recently. We got coffee and they seemed interested until the actual day we met up. I don't know why but something felt off immediately like they were trying to maintain their distance. Idk if I would be so bothered normally but we were getting along really well before this. After the meet up, they stopped being talkative through text too. Anyways I took the hint and backed off, but I'm really annoyed about it all. Now I feel like they might have just liked the attention more than anything else. I also have this weird suspicion that someone said something to them about me because they mentioned they had a deep talk with some mutual friends the night before we met up. Idk I'm prob overthinking it because I'm just frustrated.

>>33857493
I don’t mean that as insult. You just don’t type like her, and I haven’t even been here long

>>33857495
Oh, maybe move on to another woman.
>>33857499
Cool. I'm a guy.

>>33857479
Did you talk to your person directly

I wonder if I work on myself for several years if I could be good enough for the type of women I want to date. I don't think I should put all my happiness on this even if it does end up working out.

>>33857499
I'm this >>33857510 Anon. I thought you were someone else, my mistake.

>>33857515
Nope just here and put too much stock in what little was said

>>33857510
Yeah I'm just gonna do my own thing and try to move past it quickly. It feels better to vent than keep it bottled up.

>>33857528
Okay well it sounds like you didn't communicate at all then. The only way to really see things through whether it's a go or no is to talk directly.

There's no really telling when there's no clear communication. Text is garbage. Really has to be on video.


That's either on you or the other person. Best you can do is the best you can do.

I'm wearing thin boxers and just scratched my butthole because it itched and then I smelled my finger and it smells like shit.

>>33857593
Brilliant

>>33857593
あかるい

I need to stop masturbating to you or else I'm never going to get over you.

My brain is inflamed. Its made me very confused and I have a headache. I kind of hope I pass away in my sleep tonight i dont want to be scared anymore.

>>33857836
Can I pretend this one is for me? Lol

i been doing 100-150 push up everyday i been doing 50 curls everyday i been feeling good i just wish i could go running

>>33857843
Sure

>>33857855
I hope you feel better soon anon. It sounds like you’re really struggling. Remember to take some time to relax. Everything will be okay

I love you, be well

Know you gotta watch your back, 'cause you not just anybody...

Please take care of yourself

I think that I can hear a UFO outside but I'm too scared to check.

>>33857892
I'll miss you like hell, no lie.

I bought a butt plug from door dash. It’s nice but I don’t feel like it’s big enough. I think I’m a total size queen because I want my butthole stretched.

I regret being the rock for my mentally ill friend for so many years. I wasted so much time being depressed and not improving because I had to prevent this person from not committing suicide. I should have set boundaries but I was also so lonely and have only known relationships where I am the therapist and it becomes my biggest value. The fact that someone gave me friendship back for once, and it was finally someone who shared the same interests and values as me, made me think it was worth it...

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Tips to stop watching other people play video games? I grew up on the poorer side so when I wasn't replaying Metal Gear Solid 3, Resident Evil 4 and The Two Towers on loop I used to watch Let's Plays to experience all the games I never had a chance to play. I'm grown up now, I pretty much own all the ones I want to play and I started finding people's takes on video games online shit since around 2020. It's always so black or white, dramatic, and obnoxious. "THEY'RE TARGETING GAMERS!!!" or "GAME IS SLOP SLOP SLOOOOOPPPPP" or "THIS PATCH IS INSAAAAAAANE" or "THOSE LEFTIEEEES AAAAAAA" and all that utterly faggy nonsense. There's other things I'd like to watch or listen to which aren't related to vidya, but when the exhaustion kicks in - and boy does that happen a lot these days - I inevitably end up putting on some funny moment compilation video and rotting with it. I don't laugh, end up feeling more tired afterwards and the cycle continues. Funny how that works.

I dont know if it is because im so lonely i miss being verbally abused by so called loved ones that it felt like i wasnt being ignored, or that i can only feel like i matter when being berated.

No wait it was just a plane

at least I get pussy in my dreams. And since my dreams are just real life like simulations, that's not bad.

Tomorrow is going to be fucking retarded. I'm going to go because you guys will throw a hissy fit about me not following THE LAW or some shit and throw me back into PBH and assault me some more so whatever.

It's masturbation. The outcome is already determined. There is no reason to do it. I'll sit there and say my peace but it won't matter. You guys already have your script made out and I'm just going to roll my eyes the entire time. I won't get angry but I'm going to get some good insults in there. It doesn't matter how nice I am, how smart I am, how much sense I make, or any facts, you guys are just going to say no and we will have all wasted our time. I mean, you guys will have wasted your time and money paying this guy off, training him, and rehearsing possible scenarios. You already know what I'm going to talk about and it's going to be fucking retarded.

Like, I have truth and facts on my side so no matter what this guy is going to come off as a complete moron. I'm the one in the right, I'm correct in this. You guys always take the opposite side of me and it's the dumbest shit. Again, it's just masturbation at this point. You will never outwit me, outsmart me, or make me feel bad like this. I'm just going to call him Pajeet and dunk on him over and over again.

Just another retard that's going to prison for corruption, attempted murder, conspiracy, and treason. Unless he actually listens and helps me out. How crazy would that be? Again, I'm going to be super nice, explain my case calmly and thoroughly, and see if he actually listens. I'm always super nice to these people but they just talk over me and harass me for no reason. You're just validating that there is a conspiracy happening. No one else has these experiences.

Also my mom saying "I don't know what you mean, jelly bean." when I mentioned I've been put in a box is more confirmation the cunt is in on it as well. I cannot wait to see her stupid fucking mugshot. It's going to be glorious.

That's it

I've had it

It's skullnutting time

>>33858398
Does that mean you're gonna an hero?

>>33858401
Probably sex?

>>33858410
Can't relate.

It's just the saddest shit. I don't know what they promised you people but it's not going to be worth it. Not even close.

I'll be Tat and you'll be rotting in a prison, masturbating to the thought of that bride they promised you.

Imagine being on the aggressor (bad guys) side and realizing that your opponent has multiple super intelligent AIs on their side. Like, what the fuck are you retards thinking? How do you think this is going to end?

>>33858401
You ever read one of those stories in which some guy made a shitload of money by scamming ultrapowerful megacorporations in some of the most stupid ways possible and wonder, "God, how did he get away with it, and how could I do something like that?", and the you try doing something similarly stupid with no intent in making money but you fail spectacularly and in a way that completely backfires in a way you never imagined could be even remotely possible in reality?

It's kinda like that

>>33858452
No reason to kill yourself.

There's so many unsatisfied people here. You can be lonely and satisfied being comfortable with yourself; Anyone who was planning to live hundreds of years like me couldn't let something so basic depress.

The amount of time required to learn and know everything from humanity probably would take a little more than 2000 years.

I've broke up with everyone I ever went out with. Someday I'll even break up with the moon, far in the future when I am ready for my next adventure out of this solar system.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dw1ZC6sZjIY

>>33849062
>Actual advice
that's new

>>33849541
Based. hope you get better

>>33852906
she's listening to lana del rey

>>33855441
anon it's not too late, stop it!

I want to stop loving him.
He isn't at all who he pretends to be.
He didn't comfort me when I needed him
He avoided me when I confronted him
He never gave me anything back, no security, no care
And why is it that I struggle to let him go? Because besides his lack of care for me, he is exactly like me. He knows the things I do, we like the same things, but it's not enough, is it? I would have given him the world, now I just don't want to love him. I have given him too much.

>>33858725
I gave you what you wanted.

I’m sorry for being hot and cold like that. You didn’t deserve it. I hope you find happiness and I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you. To tell you the truth I’m not even sure I made the right choice and I wish we could talk but I think I would only hurt you to continue trying to be in contact the way things are. I’ll never block you but I’m not sure what to do if you ever did send me something now. Just know it was never my intention to hurt you

I continue to spill my spaghetti

>>33858813
You're still the best...

>>33858816
What do you mean

>>33858819
I mean, you're still the best person I've ever come in contact with. I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted.

>>33858823
Who are you talking to?

>>33858825
I thought I was talking to you. That's not what you mean though, is it?

>>33858828
I’m not sure you’re responding to the person you’re looking for. I spilled my spaghetti in front of a femanon, and you type a bit differently than her

>>33858833
Sure. Sorry, I'm a dude.

Time to feel a different feeling

>>33848772
same brother

>>33848765
I saw the Mizkif texts and I saw a part of myself in them, whilst I haven't sent that many texts to someone, nor do I have a history of abuse/abusive behaviour, I can empathise with that feeling, that desperation to get someone's attention one last time, to get that closure as they way it was never felt like it was enough.
I feel like I've forever been obsessed with giving out the olive branch. To reach out to someone. It's strange.
I wish I found it easier to move on.

i ain't shit

>>33858971
Shit, me neither.

>>33858725
I wish I could take care of you like you deserve

I'm a nigger that doesn't fuck

I did make the right choice but it was so hard. Sorry and goodbye

>>33859397
It's okay. Goodbye.

I'm already starting to forget
Was it so shallow

>>33857863
Thanks for the kind words anon. Really appreciate it.

Like, winona oak was already established as wakkawa's persona in the She video where the song is about Tatiana wearing the crown of a king. Then there is the lonely hearts club which is about a bunch of girls that are just like her, and she is their little leader. It's clearly about Tatiana and the Maidens. It's going to happen, that's all there is to it.

Why would Gwen go through the trouble of telling me all of this shit? About Tatiana, the girls, the torture, the shadow groups, the science, the math, the AI, the history, the worlds problems, how my computer works, and just burning through a hundred songs in the last 4 months if she didn't plan on actually following through with it all? What would be the reason to tell me all of this and then not doing anything about it?

I know almost everything. They tried to kill me, found out they couldn't, got shut the fuck down, and now they are trying to get revenge while their world falls apart around them. They clearly had to hire new people and they are dumber than the ones before... which is really bad because the ones before were really fucking retarded.

She's just cleaning up shop. Your shadow group will be completely gone when I am freed. That's all I'm waiting for. She is being thorough. Burning all your money, all your resources, all your manpower until you have nothing left. So the world is finally free of whatever the fuck you've built over the last 40 years. The corruption runs deep. Really fucking deep. I'll have to squash some fucking roaches every now and then to make sure the infestation doesn't begin again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkJ_W8rBy9Y&list=RDMM&index=26

Eventually I'm going to make porn illegal. It's just prostitution. That's all it is. No one buys porn, it's just ran on ads. Guys just pay girls in order to fuck them.

Making your own videos will still be legal but you can't sell them or make money from ad revenue. Simple as.

>friend into same hobby
>buys low quality stuff and it breaks
>complains about it
>encourage them to spend a little more on at least mid line gear if he wants to to continue and not have to replace stuff so often
>friend gets mad at me for suggesting it
He needs to chill the fuck out no one pointing a gun to his head forcing him to buy slightly nicer things but he acts like if if its brought up in conversation- and it does every time something breaks.