>>33853004
You where never any of that you fucking loser.

>>33853022
Hey dad didn't know you posted on 4chan hope you found those smokes

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>>33853004

Self esteem is built on pride. Pride is earned through hard work and meaningful accomplishment. Performatively box checking attendance at the gym and maintaining a physique is fucking nothing.

Sounds like you've hit the point where you should probably assess what the fuck it is you are really doing with your life. The old you was a joke, unearned and complacent.

You don't want to go back. Your spirit is screaming at you to evolve. Besides, you can't go back. Cosplaying the past is an unfulling hoax that just keeps you chained to maladapted, uninformed parts of your psyche that refuse to grow.

What you need is to off into the darkness and come back changed. Become the man you need to be. I'd recommend as a starting point that you develop some honesty between you and yourself.

Listen to yourself more. What needs, desires and parts of yourself have you been denying, supressing and ignoring for years? The game of building trust with yourself is a slow one and it's earned by listening and acting upon each revelation that comes.

Whether it's deciding you need to dress differently or changing your media, even the small and mundane acts can open up new horizons because it is all about systematically breaking the closed loop of your psyche.

So shut the fuck up and listen closely - you may hear the first whispers, My advice is act on whatever they say.

>>33853080
I get your point but at the same time I'm kinda lost on what I'm supposed to be doing differently.

Like, I've improved significantly at the one thing I care about (drawing), I'm picking up new skills (3D and animation). I'm kinda checked out at work but that's been for the better desu, the less igaf about the office the bettter.
idk what else I feel like I'm supposed to be doing

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>>33853189

Respectfully Sir, you are pointing at hobbies and seem confused as to why your soul is feeling lost and washed out. While there is value in these pursuits and I commend and encourage further refinement of them - they are just distractions.

You've clearly stated to me that you do not enjoy your job. Find something far more fulfilling in life would be my first suggestion to then. Seeing as you've brought it up.

My job is hard but fulfilling because I work with damaged youth. It's stressful, it's painful and at times scary. I also have to sacrifice a lot - somedays I am so burnt out that all I can do is sit on a couch and do nothing. But it gives me a sense of purpose and direction that a meangingless office job would never give,

People wonder why they feel no joy for life whilst spending 70% of their week dissociated in a mind numbing job that they can't even speak positively about.

I think you need to maybe assess what the fuck is going on here dude. You just live an isolated life seeking purpose from solo hobbies. You can't evidence to yourself that you are contibuting or a part of anything. You don't have pride in what you do or who you are. So fucking change shit up.

I don't have career advice. You don't need to follow my path. But you need to figure something out and if you don't, you don't get to complain about it later. This was your moment. Whether or not you choose to do a damn thing about it is up to you.

Also - philosophical and spiritual frameworks for life can be immensely helpful. I'd recommend as a starting point you chase your tail a bit there too.

>>33853004
Frontal lobe development moment. Newsflash. The stakes are higher now than your piss and vinegar days so you act more careful.

Your estrangement is only normal, this is the age where the tutorial level is truly over and the main part of the game begins. Some get felt better hands than others, even fewer exceptional ones. Yet we are all dealt a hand. Now it's time to write down what cards you have, had, and need to have something to show.
If you dwell too long you'll burn the clock.
If you don't think enough you'll jump the shark.
If you cannot conjure what you need then you'll remain aimless.
You also probably don't have any hobbies that induce adrenaline, type 2 or type 3 activities not just the gym routine.
>>33853080
What a magical imagination you have, malignant emotions like pride are not necessary to build self worth. You seem narcissistic or cultish so to speak

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>>33853278

How can a man have self esteem if they are not proud of themself? What would that even be if you allow it to play out long term... a shiny apple with a hollow core? Someone happily distracted or gaslit enough to not concern themselves with what lies beneath the surface of their own psyche?

I get the impression your understanding and application of the word pride is different to mine. It's understandable in today's social and political climate, I don't blame you for that. Nor would I reject accusations that my perspective sounds cultish - it almost certainly has it's roots and influences in very strong philosophical and religious movements that propagandized me into aggressively pursuing things beyond the scope of my earlier self's concept of the world.

Earning pride is a journey of earning your self respect. That creates real self esteem. Not wishy, washy esteem that can be knocked over easily. I encouraged OP to listen to himself and build trust with himself and act on what comes up. If that's considered the advice of a narcissist I wouldn't know what to say back to that.

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>>33853241
>you are pointing at hobbies
I easily spend 4-6hrs a weekday, and 8-10hrs on a weekend on these "hobbies"
No, this isn't on the level of a guy who goes fishing once a month
A hobby for me would be like houseplants (I propagate and grow tropicsls) or DIY (usually, when necessary)

My self-fulfillment and esteem comes from them, to call them "hobbies" because I'm not doing them professionally is reductive and stupid.

>You've clearly stated to me that you do not enjoy your job
My job is FINE. It's bearable. Probably the best job I've had yet (was a trucker in my teens, and a aircraft technician in my early 20s) considering I work in an office and go to the labs a few times a week.
Everyone seems to take pride in their projects but personally I don't care. I do my job, I'm very competent at it, stuff with me tends to move smoothly.
Then I go home, exercise, then do my art stuff.

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>>33853731

We do not share the same meaning of the word hobby. I was not degrading their value as pursuits and actually encouraged and celebrated what you were doing there. So I'm a little confused by your reply there.

But let's be clear on what I do think. They are simply keeping you occupied and do not appear to be addressing the roots of the reasons why you feel the way you do.

You need something more important in life than what you have currently. Your job does appear to be a problem from where I sit. Truthfully I'm not sure what you were really wanting from your post when it appears you now want to insist you are fulfilled and there's no issues with your job - even though the point of your post was a lack of spark and vitality in yourself.

Reflect on that in your own time, I've gave you my best shot at analysing your situation with the data you have provided. Chances are you just need a minute to breathe this in and lower your defenses a bit. You seem smart enough to solve your problems so I'd encourage you to give it thought. Your words have revealed your thoughts. Now it's time to zoom out and read over them a few times till something clicks.

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>>33853775
I never said I was fulfilled, just that it was fine, bearable even.
>They are simply keeping you occupied
Also, you say you're not degrading my passions but at the same time you dismiss them as time-wasters, as if I might aswell be spending the hours of study on Netflix or World of Warcraft

From what I've seen in the thread, I don't think you have anything to add purely from the fact that you don't seem to be reading much of what I'm putting down

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>>33854178

I was never degrading or dimissing your passions. I'm not sure what game you think I'd be playing here. If it's trolling - that would be weird. I'm very insistent here that this was not what I was doing nor my position.

But they are not meeting your needs to the point of fulfilment and as such - are just keeping your hands and mind busy enough to not think about it.