It's Saturday night and I'm rotting in my room. I want to be meeting people and doing things but I have no friends, haven't had friends in years and am post-university.What could I be doing next Saturday instead?
>What could I be doing next Saturday instead?Consider a mere half-hour stroll.Have you not meet that goal in that span, it would still count good for your health. Money need not be.
>>33853577what activity do you enjoy that involves other people (in real life)?
>>33853583I went for a 1 hour run in the morning.I have a full-time job in career. I have a car. I have work friends but no real friends (my colleagues are all old men).I'm not a loser except the fact that I have nobody to call upon if I just want to chill.
>>33853593That's a good question. Nothing. I have no hobbies except posting on reddit & 4chan.
Bump
>>33853597these aren't hobbiesyou're wasting your life
>>33853741Youre right.
>>33853774But what do I do
>>33853577
>>33853577idk, I'm in a similar situation after moving to a town of ~200k where I know nobody and all my coworkers are in their 30s.Tried meetup, those people are really weirdBeen doing pickup soccer, takes a few games to really befriend anyone since everyone else already knows each other and you're a rando, but I've got a few acquaintances nowIt's the social catch-22: can't make new friends because you're not out socializing, can't go out socializing because no one is inviting you out and you don't have a friend to 2 man some bars/clubsI guess you can go alone to bars but I feel like I don't have the charisma to go alone and barge in on groups of people without it being weird.The only thing keeping me sane is going on dates with this girl I randomly ran into multiple times at the store and visiting my friends in other states.
>>33853577Same.Moved right before COVID to help family start a restaurant. COVID wrecked the restaurant and left me stuck in a place I don't know anyone with a very tight nit culture. Had to go like a year in social isolation because lockdowns, or COVID measures that made going out alone pointless and meeting people basically impossible. By the time COVID measures ended, I was broke and everyone was so hostile politically for a couple years, it was still next to impossible to make friends.Now I'm starting year six in a town where I literally don't know anyone, get attitude or bad remarks and stared at by people constantly, but literally no one around town talks to me. If I talk to them, they look startled, like they're seeing a ghost.Everything productive I have to do besides exercise is on my computer. Tried going to a couple meetups over the years, was treated somewhere between an annoyance and a pariah.Got to know some people through various jobs, but they were low end blue collar jobs that I ended up quitting. People would find out I went to college, or wasn't from the area, and become hostile about it.
>>33854459Same anon, continued: Obvious answer is move, I know. Have had hurdle after hurdle in making it happen, but still plan to. Until then, I could use some tips on maintaining what's left of my sanity and social skills. The amount of isolation I've endured the last few years is insane.Major hard mode caveat: alcoholic trying to recover, so bars are off the table.
>>33854142>going on dateswell, you're not doing THAT bad then lolMost people are more lonely/socially anxious than you think. At least, that's been my experience being in the same position you describe. Not that it means I'm better than them, but that my feeling of trying to find friends isn't a "me" problem. It's normal, people are constantly seeking validation and the people who have been here longer know how to find it easier.I used to get jealous of the super socailites, but once I got to know a few of them I realize their lifestyle would not be sustainable to me. That what I see as limited social interaction is actually more in line with what I need. I might sample some of their behaviors if I think it'll get me what i want (more friends) but I also have to stop and realize I kind of LIKE who I am, there's nothing "WRONG" with me. I am just feeling a little insecure. Anyways, time will always make things better.
>>33854661>well, you're not doing THAT bad then lolYeah it could always be worse. I wasn't going on dates or anything for the first two months I was here.>I used to get jealous of the super socailites, but once I got to know a few of them I realize their lifestyle would not be sustainable to me. That what I see as limited social interaction is actually more in line with what I need. I might sample some of their behaviors if I think it'll get me what i want (more friends) but I also have to stop and realize I kind of LIKE who I am, there's nothing "WRONG" with me. I am just feeling a little insecure.Yeah I was in a fraternity in college and I can fake being a normalfag pretty well but at the end of the day pretending to be someone you're not gets pretty draining when you're doing it 24/7. There's an ideal between being alone all the time and constantly doing things with people you don't really enjoy being around.
>>33853785>But what do I doSwitch to Stack Exchange.
>>33853577Going out, meeting people and doing things costs a fuckton of money in the First World. >>33853583Yep, go out walking alone and watching other people having fun with their lives, dining out for dinner, socializing at the bar, eating together at food trucks. It's basically all you can do. People often react strangely to you. They don't want to see some unhappy incel loner lurking around when they're out having fun. You're ruining the vibe, so move along please, and don't come back.
>>33853939Artificial (forced) socialization rarely works like you want it to work. Yes, you can take drastic actions that change your reality, like telling your boss to go fuck himself or asking random negroes where to buy drugs, but you can't control the ripple effect of reactions that your actions cause. Sometimes you might get in over your head, but most of the time your actions will fizzle into awkward failure. Putting in great efforts to engage with and befriend someone, only for them to get bored of you on a whim and find some excuse to part ways, is incredibly draining and discourages one from making such efforts in the future.
>>33855023>Putting in great efforts to engage with and befriend someone, only for them to get bored of you on a whim and find some excuse to part ways, is incredibly draining and discourages one from making such efforts in the future.only if it's your only prospectyou shouldn't be focusing on making any one person into a close friend until you have 10 or 20 plates spinning with casual interactions. that way if any of them fall and break you move on it's not the same exact thing as oneitis but the same principle does apply to making friends starting from zero. never put all eggs in one basket
>>33854459I've worked on cultivating an aura of calm, almost mystical detachment when out in public that has greatly reduced negative reactions to my presence. That being said, people still don't like to spend time with me, because like you I have low social trust and am always on guard for sudden-onset hostility that has resulted time and again when I've opened up to people. My interactions are always brief, and over time I've grown to like it that way. One benefit of detachment is that you can compartmentalize negativity and still have a pleasant moment with a random stranger even when you're disgruntled with work, feeling lonely, etc.
>>33855049My mind is not built to bash itself against a social wall time and again in the vain hope that one time I will break through into some new reality. Yes, over my 20s I have tried to become part of a group in many different circumstances. A few times I have felt the joy of success, whether for an hour or for a week, but it has never lasted, and I have always ended up being marginalized if not rejected outright. Evolutionary fitness is all about adaptation. Don't go to war with your surroundings and fill yourself with seething bitterness. Adapt to the circumstances and use your intelligence to thread your own path through the obstacles, quagmires and pitfalls that lie all around you. If that means staying alone and silent 99% of your waking hours, so be it.
>>33855059>sudden-onset hostility that has resulted time and again when I've opened up to peoplecan you expand no this one anon?
>>33853577I see your post and I wish I could be rotting in my room again. Grass is always greener on the other side I guess.
>>33855190To add to this, most of my socialization is with people I am obligated to see like coworkers, colleagues, and family/family friends. I think this is the norm the older you get. All of my actual friends live in another state or country. I wish I could go back to the days of when nobody was asking for me and I could rot in my room.
>>33855247That's been the norm since I was 15.
i hvent had friends since 2016 broacquaintances maybe, but actual friends, none, zero. they all either left, got vaxxed or i dropped them for their character would turn out different than i imagined/toleratedso according to ur definition id be rotting every friday to sunday and, you owuld be rightgood thing im unemployed too, at least i dont have to hear ANY kind of ppl yapp about stupid shite in any way whatsoever.too bad this is prolly to change next year when Neptune moves into Piscesmehyou can study deep occultistic stuff on saturdays instead and become irl caster, but beware of the arconic bolice
>>33853595>have nobody to call upon if I just want to chill.that's average, most people don't.and if you do you're probably so average or below average thats you're basically retardedI'm also not being salty, literally have you ever been with a group of people? it' incredibly boring. They talk about mainstream tv shows and music and whatever the fuck.
>>33853577Stop posting porn for example. Faggot.
