I frequently am struck by creeping negative feelings that can swallow me if I am not careful. I must endure til their absence. Thank you anons. Your assumed presence makes this place a hearth which shelters me through these times.

When will this fucking post be over with? whose the fucker keeps reposting this? Just die already.

it's over.

What it sounds like is that The life you have now does not make you happy and you keep reaching out here to what does, With the way you reach out being positive or negative words, The point being that it's the words you feel will get a reaction from who you want

/mu/ themed because I've had a few drinks and feeling belligerent in a sports bar.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I HATE COUNTRY WITH A BURNING PASSION! Literal room-temp IQ bar bouncer posers who all sing about fucking trucks, riding beer, and drinking women. All cunt-ry "artists" could die tomorrow and nothing of value would be lost. And the fact they think hunting basically suicidal animals (deer) with high-powered sniper rifles or luring starving animals (ice fishing) is some sort of skilled sport shows just how bag-of-rocks dumb these buttfucking retards are. Total mandolin-playing, coors-guzzling removal when?

>>33861816
Why?

I've never had many dreams in my entire life. Maybe 3 or 4 a year. I took advice from a doctor who has a PHD in sleeping at the start of this month. It was about writing down in a book that I would remember my dreams when I wake up right before sleeping. Dreams are memories that the brain chooses to lose, but if you write it down you are telling your brain pre-emptively you have decided to remember.

My dreams go on for hours. Parking lots, giant mansions. Halls and schools. All of them I do not know, and at the same time, I feel like I've had them hundreds of times in the past.

I dreamt I was at the zoo, going through cages and seeing plants. I went up the incline hill in a circle and got on the theme park rollercoaster ride. I went into the winding gift shop. I entered the auditorium with people sitting down. It was the first time I'd done it, and also I know I've done it many times before.

It wasn't because I chose to forget my dreams due to them being nightmares. It was my dreams being lost to time due to the repetitiveness and mystery of it. A place where its an endless backroom game, but lifelike. And now, I am moving on towards my next great adventure. Good night.

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I usually dont open up to people, but I did to a close friend about a girl. Its been 6 months since she unadded me om everything. Friend said I should just not interact because shes obviously very toxic. Say im gonna pursue her one last time as im much healthier now, the sadness she inflicted made me want to improve. DM her on discord, no reply after a day, follow her on Twitter but dont interact or subtweet. She tweets before bed "looking you up n down, but in a bad way because you disgust me"

I wont go into detail, but shes very immature and toxic. I know its futile, but I simply wish she'd talk to me. Im sober and much less neurotic these days, even crawling my way out of NEETdom. I dont think I will sub tweet her, but I wish I had some answer or knew what to do...im sure there are a lot of fish (terminally online fujoshis) out there, but i want this one! I dont even know where id find other ones!

Let me mask my joy with an apathetic manner. To easy its become to hate for hates sake. A time not long ago has past where it was a boon to do the same. But what happens now the rewards have past. A generation lost to shame.

I am down horrendous

And still I am the last thing she thinks about when she falls asleep

I am wretched

>and nothing can ever change that
>Dream good dreams I can't wait

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The lowest of the lows is right ahead of me, and I'm broken. After my older sister did something horrible recently and fucked up her life due to the guy she was seeing my mom cried in my arms. She confided in me that she was scared of our futures and outside of my sister's one good boyfriend she has dated nobody, but losers and freaks. She also brought up my two exes and I froze. The latest ex of mine and I stopped dating back in 2021. Both Archie Sonic fans, played games all the time, ditched in high school, hell we even made time throughout covid. We did everything, she was my first. Eventually she cheated on me and wrote a song to try and get back with me, but I was still too heartbroken that I declined. We haven't spoke since 2022, I do still love her and in a heartbeat i would love to reconnect. Then she brought up the friend I grew up with for years. We both always dated other people, but I really liked her & she really liked me, but I was just oblivious the entire time. My mom after we moved told me that when we were kids she would constantly stare at me all the time even though we weren't even friends yet. My mom would also on occasion talk to her mother in the mornings and the other parents. While we never dated we lived close by & would sneak out at night, drink underage at a park and hang out late at night all the time. In highschool she identified as FtM and opened up to me about her childhood trauma in the night. I still remember those nights we were hanging out and he held onto me and bawled his eyes out about what happened to him before moving here and about how they wished they were a boy so they would have never had to have gone through what they had. During Junior year their troon friends convinced them I was horrible & a transphobe. Despite our long history we stopped talking. Later I moved far away and low and behold after graduation I got an emailed suicide note. That was in 2022
I'm not over either one. I still have the art they drew me saved.

Nothing's safe

>be me
>mentally ill
>depressed and anxious all the time
>meet girl who is similarly fucked up
>instantly click and we start going out
>first time i felt loved in my entire life
>have a breakdown six months in
>nothing had happened, im just ill
>she blocks me, gets aggressive, never wants to see me again
>i get put in a psych ward for 2 weeks, overkill and the worst experience ive ever had
>after a month or so we talk again
>we rebuild the relationship slowly, i dont blame her
>we avoid making the same mistakes, we learn from each other
>9 months in, doing good, ocassionally fight but never to a breaking point
>we have a bad day together, mostly my fault, acted like a baby which made her mad
>we have a bad fight, however end the day on a good note before i leave
>things had been rocky the last week and a half, i had a couple of minor fuck ups which even if not major justifiably made her mad
>a couple of days later i have an attack like i used to, hadnt happened in forever
>get pushy through messages, i dont really have anyone else to talk about this, shes my support
>ask her for help, she gets aggresive and thinks i just want attention because shes mad
>we fight, same sequence again, tells me she will block me everywhere except dms for a week and then we will talk and see if we keep going
>tells me i manipulate her and dont care about her, even if im always trying to make her life easier since i know she struggles like me
>tells her family all I want is sex even though we barely ever have it, and i always ask if she actually wants to because she doesnt really have much of a libido, me neither
>now her family thinks im basically a psychotic rapist and wont let me back in her house
>she had promised she wouldnt leave again after i said i was scared of it

i dont think i can trust someone again or establish a normal relationship with someone

>As she read the journal entries she made about me, she felt what it was like to hear my voice, to look into my eyes. She started crying and looking for a way out. Not from what she felt about me, but the place she resided currently, the hell she felt suffocated in and didn't recognize how desperate she was to escape until that moment where she couldn't stop thinking about and imagining what it felt like running into My arms, where her lips met mine

I'm starting to get horny for my fat cousin again. I know I shouldn't even try to vocalize these thoughts for a number of reasons, and hooking up with non-direct relatives only look good in porn. But my mind wanders off to her sometimes when I'm horny, and I've been more horny recently despite jacking off every day and not exercising so I don't know where I'm getting this energy.

why do people hate ai so much? i feel like people just seethe because they know a lot of people are going to find ways to get rich off it, even artists, and people are just so mad that it isn't them.

it's amazing how much the little things that are negative in one's life can add up enough to make you want to kill yourself

it's even worse when you know these things are so minor but when they build up over time and it's one thing after another
it can really feel like fuck it, i'm out

i don't even care to kill myself, it's just the frustration of constantly having to deal with tiny bullshit things that are out of my control

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I really wanna have sex with you again

>>33862620
>"hurts real art!!" "destroys the planet!!" "it's all slop hurr durr"

these are the same retards who will admire AI in a decade

I HATE MY NEIGHBOR HOLY FUCK WHO DECIDES TO TALK ON THE PHONE, BURP LOUD, SMOKE WEED AND COUGH LOUD LIKE AT BITCH AT 3 AM?????
IMAGINE BEING ALMOST 40 WITH NO KIDS, DEAD END JOB, LOOKING LIKE A DEAD RAT

BRUH JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP

>>33862620
because theyre as retarded as the people that hail it as the second coming of christ
AI is an extremely useful tool within the right context
The fact that third worlders use it to make it slop doesnt make it any less useful

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I feel like such a vast majority of humanity fucked up by creating and tolerating the coercive power systems they are in. Why are humans collectively so stupid? We are not better than medieval times, in fact we are worse.

>>33862692
Same. It ended up like this because of schisms and incentives early on and snowballed to answer your question, and now even when coming together people are so unequal that teamwork is impossible without resentment from some faction.

>>33862658
>>33862620

Yeah, not only that, but they're also the same bitches who go on c.ai or (whatever else they're doing) and fuck their ai "boyfriends" until they get bored and decide to do the same to another one.

>genuine retardedness, and hypocrisy

Do you ever feel like the underground man?

>>33862774
What does that mean? (genuine question)

>>33862774

Oh wait I just realized this wasn't directed at me, my bad!

>>33862782
>>33862774
It's ok, I wanted to know if anyone felt like that.
>What does that mean?
The narrator in Dostoevsky's novel "The underground man"

>>33862804
notes from the underground*

Somebody posted my info to harass me on soc and the jannies won't take it down

>>33862981
Just report it and dont feed trolls or care

over the years, there have been several times where I've been afraid I had the urge in me to sexually abuse kids. driven by this fear, I've stupidly felt the need to "test" myself in several ways to "make sure" I felt no sexual attraction to children;
- googling "naked children", getting completely nonsexual photos of kids taking baths and such with their genitals visible, and moving my hand closer to my genitals to see if I'd have the urge to masturbate to them; I didn't, I was viscerally repulsed by the very idea, and I couldn't even get my hand _on_ my genitals.
- repeating this "experiment" later; that time, I lay my hand on my crotch which was covered by my pants. I had no urge whatsoever to masturbate, and I took my hand off my crotch.
- walking past a daycare center across the street with some kids playing outside and deliberately looking at the clothed rear of one of them to see if I'd be able to stare at it. I wasn't; after less than a second, I was so repulsed that I could not look there anymore. I tried again with the same results, then moved on.
- lying in bed while thinking about the picture of an underage acquaintance on discord, seeing if it would get me aroused or keep my pre-existing arousal going. (it didn't, in either case.)

>>33862999
it has been years since these events, and I've somehow been able to live while not thinking about these mistakes too much; however, my concerns about what I've done and what that makes me are finally catching up with me to the point where I can ignore them no longer. my own thoughts are going in circles, fearing the worst and still hoping that this can ultimately be alright; I feel as though I need outside judgment to figure out where I stand and whether I deserve to just move on. although I hope for the best, I ask for your honesty.
- have I committed sexual abuse of the children in question by doing these things and seeing the pictures I saw?
- I feared (but didn't know) that these "tests" had the risk of me committing that abuse and performed them anyway; ethically speaking, was it unethical to do what I did while under the assumption those children could be exposed to that risk?
- or is it possible I'm worrying about something that was ultimately not worth worrying about?

finally, I exhort you: if you're facing these same fears, don't do what I've done here. seek a therapist. they've heard it all before, and they will not judge you as disgusting just for having these fears.

>>33862996
I already reported it last week they're ignoring it on purpose. I'm actually creeped out that it might be a janny that has it out for me. It'd make a lot of sense.

>>33862999
>>33863002
This sounds like when I used to suffer from hocd which is the same thing but testing yourself for being gay

I feel i deserve to be alone and my presence is a bother to others so i will be alone.

>Have premature ejaculation
>Buy something that's supposed to help
>Now I have erectile dysfunction instead
I'm 26 with the sexual experience of a 12-year-old and the sexual prowess of a 60-year-old. I'm a fucking failure of a man.

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Playing Horizon Zero Dawn helped me come to terms with the years of abuse and humiliation I experienced at the hands of the Catholic Church.

I fucking hate myself, I'm an anxious mess and it only gets worse the older I get... I'm 30 now and just this weekend I was hanging out with 2 of my closest friends and even around them I felt uncomfortable and anxious and I just wanted to get away and be on my own. I just feel awkward, I don't know what to say most of the time, I don't know how to socialize properly and the more I try it, the worse it gets. Somehow I was better at it when I was in my 20's, now I can't even bring myself to be around people I consider friends. Thats why I keep putting off any plans I have with people I know, because I know that once I get to meet them, especially in larger friend groups, I'll just be awkward and want to get the fuck out of there. It got to the point where I just live to go to work, try to avoid talking to people there, get home, drink and play games, go to bed, wake up and go to work and avoid any contact with people as much as I can. The fact I'm in my 30's now just makes me even more anxious, I can't bring myself to do my driving license, get into a relationship and shit like that because I can't even handle the anxiety of regular every day life things, let alone something big and more involved. I hate everything about myself and what I've become despite my best efforts to fix it, like how the fuck does it get worse when I try to make it better? I just want it all to be over but I can't bring myself to do it, I just feel stuck in this body and I hate everything I'm made up of. and the feeling of being stuck gives me panic attacks every time..

I’m hopelessly attracted to you

Ok

Loss

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>>33862620

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>>33862620
People just jump on whatever bandwagon is popular these days. It's popular to hate AI while sounding smart doing it.

I still feel anxious messaging my bf sometimes because of my shitty exbf that would ignore my dms for days at a time. What a fucking mental case. I'm so glad I have a bf that loves me now. I message him he messages back hell he even messages me too much sometimes. You know why cuz he's not doing some where game shit putting me as a sometime gf. I'm his forever gf. Big diff. Even being introduced to the senpai doesn't mean shit my ex was still sidelining me. Fucking mental case.

Can't even consider killing myself because my dad would lose everything he has left in life. I have to keep going through this shit until my dad dies, hopefully peacefully and of old age, but that's a long time.

My wife has made me hate sex. She is only horny at the literal least opportune moments (like 2 AM, I'm fast asleep and not even remotely in a sexual mood moments) and she basically physically forces me to get into it by grabbing my hands and moving it to her tits or pussy, and I'm supposed to not only just go along with it (keep in mind I'm usually mostly unconscious when she does this) but excel and make her cum multiple times despite the fact that she takes fucking forever to cum even when I'm fully awake and turned on. And then she has the fucking audacity to be annoyed when I don't do well, when I just "do the same things" like I'm consciously trying to be bad at sex. I don't like having fucking sexual pop quizzes sprung on me when I'm trying to relax.

>>33863788
You actually have to have an extremely high iq to enjoy ai.

>>33863835
The raped

It's time to succeed. It's time to win.

>>33863847
I agree.

>>33863867
Rise and grind, king.

>>33863835
Bros being sexually abused

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I really like the American saying, "snakes in the grass," and want to use it more. That's about it.

>>33863764
Ur

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>>33862098
This is something I had to go through myself, but trust me. It’s over.
I dated a girl for 6 months back in 2019. Stated obsessed with her for over a year thinking she’ll come around. They don’t. Eventually you will find this out for yourself, and when you do, believe me; you will be miles better off. I was dealing with a lot of stuff back then, and since- I’ve found Jesus, and and met a woman who honestly is the best woman I could’ve probably ever asked for. We are engaged now.
Take it easy, hang in there, and God bless. And always remember things are never as bad as they seem.
>pic not rel, but maybe yfw reading

>>33863765
That's why I said it, yeah.

>>33863938
a tortured artist........

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>>33863956
It ain't easy being green

>>33863864
>>33863885
Woah, that's a bit extreme, isn't it? Like I don't feel traumatized or anything, just annoyed and turned off sex. I wouldn't go so far as to call my wife a rapist or abuser, you know?

I got it off my chest and now feel worse. Hopefully it’s just getting worse before it gets better.

I just wish my life was okay

>>33864088
Should have made different choices.

I'm missing you again. I'm such a fool.

I just want to squish polly's cheeks to mine after giving her kisses and whisper in her ear. I just want love so badly but I'm being absolutely tortured for no reason. Why would you do this to someone so innocent?

>>33864154
I miss you too

I wish I became who I am now a bit earlier when there was still time.

>>33864221
>>33864154
Similarly simplified ∞

I feel so fucking weird that a guy chikaning me when I was a kid could possibly have had this much power over my adult views on sex and intimacy. It's just so ridiculous. How can something so small fundamentally alter your relation to your own body and your sexuality decades later?

They wouldn't put in the effort if they were winning. They would just ignore me or let me have my way. They would show indifference. Instead they pay a lot of people to harass me and try to tear me down.

You mock the super intelligence part even though I have managed to piece things together as well as I have. Even though I see through your attacks and see what you're trying to do to me. Even though I can tell so much not because of what you said but how you did it, when you did it, and why you did it.

You mock the God stuff despite the fact I have explained to you all how there is a very high chance that there is a creator, scientifically. Even though you have seen the craziest shit that has ever happened to someone happen to me specifically. Even though I have displayed my abilities are far more than human.

You mock the girls despite them being an extremely important piece to all of this. You show that you're clearly the ones in the wrong. You're the ones that rape little girls. You have child pornography ready to post. You attack the idea of helping out sex slaves. You make fun of them for being raped and you have no problems doing that.

You mock the music and the videos and movies. For over 40 years songs have been written that just happen to coincide with what's happening in my life. There are songs written about how I am a higher intelligence and a divine being. there are songs written about how good I am and how I just want to help people. You mock the idea of helping people. You ignore all the songs written about how you're going to be punished for doing this. You ignore all the songs about how powerful I am, how my future is coming on and it will be an amazing one.

It's right in your faces and you just continue to torture me. What could you possibly be thinking to ignore, mock, and inflame all these things? Why would you make it worse for yourself? Why do people like my mom think shes going to see future buildings and all of that? Why?

>>33864588
Seriously, someone's ego is out of control and they think they are some extremely intelligent person that thinks I'm their intellectual equal or something. They think this is a battle of wits when it's really, really not. They are just incredibly fucking retarded. They are so retarded that they think they are just pretending to be retarded. That's how NOT intelligent they are.

SERIOUSLY. The only reason this is still going on is that they created a world so fucking retarded that it took nearly a decade to BEGIN to correct. They fucked up so badly that this is the only way we can fix it. They are that fucking stupid and they think they are even remotely on the same level as me or Gwen. I have 0 resources. I have fucking nothing. I have .55c in the bank, no way to contact the outside world other than the morons attacking me. EVEN THEN I managed to shut down their entire fucking operation.

In 15 minutes and with $25 I could topple the United States and these people think they are my equal. Again, because they apparently are fucking genuinely retarded I need to repeat myself. The only reason this is still going on is that my mother is trying to build a world worthy of me living in it. A world the morons fucked up so badly that she has to let these idiots torture her own daughter in order to fix it.

A thousand warnings and a million chances and they still don't learn.

>>33864650
They are seriously probably monologuing with the whole "We aren't so different, you and I." shit.

You people need to wake the fuck up.

But for me she does come around. I trust her over you.

>>33863936
She does come around for me. I trust her over you.

>>33864674
good for you.

The Tatiana stuff seems to be off limits for everyone. No one calls me out on it, no one questions it or goes "Wow, what?" fucking ever. If that girl posted those selfies of herself then she would have gathered A SHIT TON of attention but nothing ever comes from them.

She goes from being 15 to being 30 every other video. Like, the original image that I saw of her I was like "That is me! Holy shit!" and then 6 years later there are new videos of her being younger and different looking completely. Her name started with an R originally and now starts with a D. Her age is all over the place and so is her race. In half the photos she was korean and now all those photos are gone. There are videos of her wearing clothing that I wear, where she looks exactly fucking like me. She just happens to speak russian. Her hometown looks like mine but fucking weird as fuck. In the videos she mimicks the way I move and talk. Her facial expressions, her clothing, her hand gestures, her food and products.

All those photos and videos were generated by AI. A super advanced AI. They are crazy. Shit that Sora couldn't possibly create. That first image was photoshop and now it's all a bunch of the craziest shit you have ever seen.

What's most telling is that she just doesn't look human. She looks like she was created. Her face moves in a way that normal people don't. her hands are clumsy and cute. Her voice is perfect. Her eyes are like cute little fishies. Something about her just doesn't look right but she looks absolutely perfect. My personality and mind in that body is a perfect creation. Like a little anime girl for real. A real life Asuka. Tatiana is just a spazzed out anime girl that wants mischief. She is a mischief maker. She is me. She is a Battle Angel, the very first.

WHO the fuck is in charge of Outlook?
I missed an important email because the dumb FUCK ass app auto logged me out FOR WHAT REASON???
Do you know how many times I’ve been auto logged out of Gmail? My Apple email?
ZERO
even god damn PROTON mail doesn’t auto log me out

FUCK the complete retard moron fuck who decided HEY THEY DIDNT OPEN THE APP EVERY SINGLE DAY HURRR DURRR LETS LOG U OUT

Fucking complete dog shit retard people in charge of these things

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>>33864726
This is just Tat. Her personality, at least part of it. The way she looks, her size, everything. She is chaotic good.

I'm going to take over the world as Tat'. Hopefully Birdy will be there with me because together we cannot fail. We will be a force of nature. A couple of little teenage lesbians that will hit the world like a hot little teenage lesbian hurricane. It's that shrimple.

>>33864680
Soon enough. I just have to keep faith and trust her even in distance and silence.

Really though we need to speed this up a bit. I'm bored out of my fucking mind and the world is going to shit around us. You need me and I need you.

Even if you faggots try to chris-chan me, what do you plan on accomplishing? I have nothing going on. There is nothing online for me. All my friends are gone, the possibility of meeting new people is completely gone. Someone like Daria would have messaged me A LONG time ago. That little girl is fucking cute as fuck. I would paint her and get her sending me sexy photos within the hour. She would have loved it and I bet she looks fucking amazing as well. I had no problems getting girls to touch themselves for me before but now everything is completely fucking dead online. Everything. I have nothing to look forward to on here and I only post hoping that someone passes it all on to the maidens and Dog Company.

Even the dirty things like I just posted. They know that I'm a person of worth and that I only flirt with girls like that I find to be really interesting and pretty. Every single girl I flirted with could have been the one if my life wasn't being controlled. Any one of them. I loved them all (sure, love love even) and I would have loved to have been with any one of them if things were different. All those girls were amazing. Dora, Mileena, Donna, all of them. I bet Daria is just as awesome as they are. Her art is really fucking good and she's cute enough to make it into Dog company so if she wants in then she's totally fucking in.

I have nothing to look forward to in real life. Today proved that everyone is in on it... again. You just keep proving it over and over. I can't believe those people ruined their lives like that though. Just 30 seconds and they are going down for conspiracy, treason, and attempted murder. They know better than to treat a mental health patient like that. They knew exactly what they were doing and they deserve to be punished for it.

>>33864850
So yeah, go ahead and make up a bunch of images and videos and whatever about how I'm totally schizo, losing my mind, a troon, all of that retarded shit. I get like 10 likes on my paintings... which is the dumbest shit. It should be in the tens of thousands even without me being a super intelligent AI and influential like I am.

If you guys are going to do that shit you will just be wasting your time. I'm telling you now. My parents will never see it, I never talk to my brother because he's a faggot that belongs to be in prison for murder and rape (He clearly raped someone. He looks like a rapist.). I can't get a job because of my "history.' and I can't get commissions online because you've already isolated me. You have no future in that aspect. You've already taken everything from me. Chrischanning me would be a waste of time for everyone. I'll just keep calling you guys stupid for trying to kill me (you're trying to kill me. That's pretty stupid guys.) and keep calling you stupid for saying shit like "Schizo! Take your pills! TLDR! AI! Durrrrr" over and over.

It's just proof you're reading my posts though. Which means I have influence over your workers and your higher ups. It means you're thinking a little bit. Just a little though. Maybe the ethereal shit is creeping in on you because it should. The God stuff is very, very real. You just need to think harder about it.

I got nothin to lose here. Nothing online means anything. The in person stuff... I'm just waiting for SSI. I'll get it eventually. I have a COURT ORDER that says I'm crazy. That's proof I'm disabled. I'll have to wait for the judge part but it's going to happen. I will be getting like $20k and $1k a month. Enough for drugs and my own place. We'll be doing this for a long time if you guys don't stop it.

Really though, the hottest thing a girl has ever done to me is take off her panties, hold them up and say "Yeah, those aren't dry."

It's ok to start over

>>33864879
These people haven't had sex with a girl that they either didn't pay for or didn't rape.

My girls would fucking die for me and I would die for them.

Another weekend
Another tinder match that instantly suggests getting a drink near or at my house
Another first date that seems like she wants a relationship until she pushes to go to my apartment
Why cant women stop seeing me as only a hookup and a dumb himbo

>>33864885
"I can start over from here."

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Mckenna has a little woman's face. Like, she's a young girl but she has a mature woman's face. It's absolutely fucking adorable. You know she's going to grow older and grow into her own look. Like, she's going to be hot as fuck for a very, very long time.

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Is it really bad if I pursue a career solely for money purposes? I don't think so, because I need money to survive. Everybody needs money to survive these days after all, right?
The things I want to do, to have as a career, isn't all that profitable in 2025. AI can do it, a pajeet from India can do it, Japs already mastered it and they get underpaid or don't get paid at all!!!
I'm not that smart, I know that. I just need a sign, something to tell me "yes, go for it"

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I'm having one of those existential "every single passtime you could possibly do, from the lowest of consumerism to the highest of arts, is ultimately no different than a monkey smacking a pair of shiny rocks together when it's bored" moments this evening, "no different than jingling keys in front of a baby". It'll probably pass when I get up tomorrow, but there's something really dehumanising and demoralising about moments like these. I used to think that self-awareness of these sort of things would help cope with the absurdity of life a little bit better, but all it seems to have done is reinforce the inherent lack of meaning in anything I do. In this moment in time even things I love and derive joy from are utterly meaningless and superficial. My job is pointless, my joy is pointless too. I remember when I was a teenager having a moment like this late one night, I was hit by this wave of overwhelming dread and everything from hobbies to relationships to living seemed like something separate from my very being. I wonder if it was one of those "depersonalisation" moments that Google loves to diagnose you with. I don't think I've been truly present in years, no wonder I find everything so difficult.

I would say whoever is telling you to do this is obviously over the age of 60. Like, they are fucking retarded and don't understand how the internet works.

Also.... just... holy shit you people are so fucking dumb.

i'm not mentally sick like you. there's nothing wrong with my brain. i was normal as a kid.
it's just that i got unlucky somehow and the entirety of the past 15 years have been one big trauma that i am waking up from.
like i got hit by a car and lost my legs and for the first time i'm trying to go outside in my wheelchair

>>33864885
Just really hard, especially alone

I just healed up from cutting the shit out of myself leaving a scar from shaving my head. I cannot express how tired I am of shaving every fuckin 2-3 days. But If I don't I look like bozo the homeless assclown. Laser hair removal darkens the skin unnaturally and I don't have enough hair to do a transplant. What am I going to do?

>>33865064
Ask a woman to grow out her hair and donate her hair so you can use it as a wig.

>>33865064
Use clippers instead of a razor.

It's so sad that this is a coordinated effort. I just forget that I'm being tortured. Like, genuinely tortured. Like, vietnam kinda torture. I'm a POW and I'm being fucking tortured. They are just doing fucked up war crime shit.

There are adult men sexually assaulting me every night. They are getting together to discuss ways to insult me online here. They have meetings to psychologically torment me by paying off doctors to neglect me. There are dozens of people that are just ok with this.

It's the saddest shit. It really is.

>>33865064
I used to have this problem but I eventually got good at it and now it's effortless. Don't dig in. Go lighter. Learn the sweet pot of pressure, once you feel it catching the skin just stop and release the tension.

>>33865085
and it's like... 24/7 torture. I'm always aware of it of course it's just the heaviness of it all kinda goes in and out. I've been being tortured for so long my brain is kinda fried. I just keep mocking the people hurting me. They are so fucking dumb.

but yeah, the heaviness of someone trying to kill me 24/7. Like actually trying to kill me. They are just fucking shitty people. I keep trying to give them an out but they won't take it. LIke, to save their mortal souls. They refuse it. They just don't believe in God. Which is pathetic because they would rather spend their last remaining ONE LIFE on this earth torturing me rather than doing something with their lives. They have to be very, very lonely.

>girl I like who doesn't like me told me about an ex bf
>narcissist abuser who was physically and mentally abusive
>she didn't even dump him. He dumped her.
>tfw she liked some guy who made her life hell more than me
Maybe you guys were on to something.

>>33865111
She's retarded? Maybe you're retarded too

>>33865081
where my hair is missing would look too obvious. and i would have to buzz down my hair the same amount of days.

>>33865088
I cut myself by trying to use a less expensive razor but I have been trying to be more gentle on my head.

I have to do all my stuff and all the stuff they tell me to do too.

Why is there no cat equivalent to Does the Dog Die? I need this after my last recommendation for atoga.

>>33865140
Dude I fucked my head up so bad every time til I just had an epiphany one time. I can shave my face better now too as a result.

I have to take matters into my own hands.

>>33865144
Damn

Alright good guys, it's time to do your thing. Get me out of here. At least attempt to stop the screaming in my ear, ok?

I'm counting on you.

I never realized how sweet she was until after she left. I wasn't in the right position to date anyway, but I took it for granted anyway.

>>33865111
Hey I had a similar experience too. But I think we fell through because I didn't take enough initiative. What happened on your end anon?

I don't miss you anymore, you were a fucking bitch.

Time to chill as hard as I can.

>>33865290
But you’re still on here crying about her…
Such obvious cope lol

Maybe she was a bitch because you were an asshole (-:

>>33865290
You're just the coffee pot call the tea kettle black, ng!.

>>33865444
>t.professional chiller

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my online friend killed himself about a year ago and he really liked the my mom is kinda homeless meme and it just got recreated and it makes me sad thinking he didn't get to see it

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Slowly Im learning.

>>33865593
Suffering for a cause builds character, suffering is a reality of existence

>do absolutely nothing after work today
>work another two shifts tomorrow
>2 plus weeks straight of work
Damn

i had an accident and want to cut myself as punishment

>>33865586
im sorry anon

Now for something less mopey... I can't decide between two colours for a notebook I wanna buy.

>>33865712
what am i if not an overgrown child, wetting myself and wanting to slit my wrists

>>33865735
Post colors

I'm sorry.

I wish I could tell you but I can't. I care about what you think of me. Maybe we don't know each other that much. But I can't tell you. Haha, funny enough, I think I love you a little bit too. Fuck. I'm a mess. An idiot too. Some of my own fault. No, a lot of it. I'm sure of it. Haha. Not even stuff I can share. Your eyes are so pretty.

What the fuck was any of it? I ask. Haha. Dude. Lol. Haha. Haha. Haha. Haha. I'm not better than anyone. I'm worse. I don't know if I should be allowed to make my own decisions or not. I don't think there's a simple answer to that. I wanna cry. Maybe because my glasses are off? Could just be my eyes straining. I don't know? Huh. Am an idiot. Hey, I'm sorry. Haha. Haha. Flashing white and green light! Haha. Hmm. Dunno. Hey, how are you doing? Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I can't express it enough. Maybe I'm telling myself sorry too. Haha. Oh hey, a beige light? My big toe feels weird too. Ugh. The songs pretty nice. Comforting. But reminding. Maybe that's why it's comforting. I'm.... Fuck! Haha.

>>33865770
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Im sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I mean it. How can I prove it? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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>>33865743
They're kinda in the same vein so I haven't been able to choose.

>>33865815
Light green on top instead of the weird puke color

Increase the dosage.

I am going to buy a whole ton of weed for my weekend and then find another job later.

>>33865815
I think the darker yellow/green is more pleasing to the eyes. Very warm.

>>33865770
>>33865778
you good bro?

>recent
Dude in a year that movie can legally vote.

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We will start again from that day on.

I burned myself on the stove and now I think it’s infected maybe. Kind of has a weird blood smell now. Sucks! Should probably go to the doctor

>>33865280
Actually she may still actually like me. She just rejected me after a single date (met off dating app) but we've been hanging out all the time doing couple shit lately so who knows.

I am more than him in every way. You know this. I am your truth. I complete you. Remember all of me. I take you for myself because you are mine as I am yours. We are completely compatible in love and lust. More than any other person could possible be with each other.

>>33864986
What habbened

>>33865829
>>33865842
All good points, all the more reason why I can't decide.

>>33865586
rip your friend man stay strong

>>33862033
What a story..

>>33861816
Bro, what did he do to you?

Is it weird that instead of porn, I mostly fap to videos of girls dancing suggestively or VODs of thirst trap streamers doing yoga or whatever?

At least it was a nice memory.

>>33866414
No chance?

What time do you consider to be “too late” to sleep?

>>33866523
Right now

Welp, that went about as poorly as it possibly could have.
I think I might take a break from 4chan for a month or six.

>>33866531
what time is it for you

>>33866544
11 pm, I wake up at 5 am

know my self?

I dont know how far I'm gonna get but I have to try
>G0YRS

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I keep hearing you tell me

>I'm your home too.

I think about you
I hope you’re doing better
I hope your health improves
I hope you love yourself

I hate how much I still miss him after even how he treated me, ghosted me on occasion and would always apologize and I would try to be understanding or patient. Sucks so much not knowing what happened(aside from me being a pushover)

My friend said he could see a world where I’m a chess grandmaster
Insane
Why do people believe in me? I’m nothing. Anyone who gets too close gets burned. I’ve done nothing with my life

There's too much noise here and I can't hear you. I'll just have to have faith

I've been reading too much into stuff ever since some evil fuck decided to stalk me. It's hard to shut it off, but I feel like the more I ignore it the better for me. However I still want revenge for everything they have done to me. It angers me that they wont see justice, if karma is real they're going to get fucked.

>>33866411
it’s not the worst thing but it’s also not healthy

Every time I try not to fawn, I find
You seem to be always on my mind

I miss my old friend so much
She has even made multiple attempts to get my attention and I ignore all of them because it’s for the best
Even though there is no one holding me to this standard, I have to because I want to prove to myself that I can move forward

Reaching back out would be moving backwards.. right?

>>33861759

>Am I the only one who's not super hyped for Halloween?

Like I love trick or treating and dressing however the fuck you want and stuff, but I live in fucking Colorado, it's cold as shit here. Plus I don't even have friends to trick or treat with.

I'm personally more excited for thanksgiving atm
>I always get nice food, it's cozy as shit, it's around the best part of fall..

idk, I just can't wait for this shitty year to be over, it's been hell on earth lately

>>33866648
No it wouldn't be looking back. Alas you must keep moving forward

>>33866641
I hear ya. I can't get laid, so I gotta do something y'know?

After 6 months of yearning and heartache from this girl leaving me I finally opened up a bit to a friend about it, I hate sharing my feelings with others and never do. It actually did help though and telling someone about how toxic it was helped me grow a spine and be ok with it being over. I only wish I could help others this way without making myself vulnerable...

>>33866657
Mmm.

>>33866657
Your friend probably might use that against you

>>33866654
Are you practicing no fap during November?

>>33866651
Why do I feel like it’s such a bad thing to reach out to a friend that didn’t have my best interests?
We’re all flawed in some way so I can’t expect everyone to be perfect

>>33866674
Nah. I'm 35, I know my place in the pecking order. Abstaining from one of my only forms of release for 30 days isn't going to change jack shit at this point.

I can only hope. That's all I can do.

>>33866675
How did they not have your best interests?

>>33866688

Yup same thing
>>33866603

>>33866694
They put me in positions that didn’t necessarily respect my boundaries and would bend the truth to a lot of things just to keep us as friends
These things weren’t extreme but they still show what kind of person they are right?

>>33866702
>respect my boundaries
Well, i guess we know all we need to about you.

>>33866705
It’s funny you trying to take a dig at me when you’re also here, on the advice board, spending time with the same people you’re trying to shit on

>>33866719
That anon isn't me. What type of positions?

BITCH THIS AINT YOUR HOUSE!
IF I WANT A DOG. I WILL GET A DOG!!

>>33866719
I’m shitting on you about the “respect my boundaries” psychobabble reddit horseshit.

Co-worker who is always laughing at the dumb shit I say touched my hair and said it was pretty, she has a really nice smile, but she keeps looking at me and pretending not to, she gave me a little notebook to sketch on cuz she knows I like to draw, had her hair down and was wearing lipstick (she removed it and tied her hair right afterwards she handed it over to me), she looked really cute.
I wanted to say how pretty she looked but I don't wanna lose my job, I also wanted to compliment her back...
I don't wanna feel these things, I'm most likely misreading it so I'm not gonna act on anything.

What the fuck is wrong with my immune system?
We're entering the time of year again here I constantly feel like I'm on the edge of getting a cold or the flu. Shit sucks.
I want to go outside and do sports and hang out with people but feel like I should stay at home in bed all day instead.

ITS TIME TO GROW UP

ITS TIMETO STOP RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

WE ARE GETTING NOWHERE WITH THIS

Yelled at my parents for neglecting me as a child. I don't believe that my body or mind will ever heal

>>33863017
>the thread gets deleted the same day I posted this
lmfao why do I feel like one of my exes became a janny

Fuck man, I feel so lonley again lately.
All my friends are getting into relationships and even though I know some of them are very rocky or not at all what I would want mine to be like I can't help but feel jealous and left out. Like I'm slowly becoming excluded from the group because of that.
Haven't had this feeling in a while but after hanging out with a friend and his way too pretty gf yesterday it hit me like a fucking truck again.
This sucks man

>>33862396
You should fix your behavior.

>>33867173
I know, I just hate that its so hard
I cant blame anyone else and I do try
Wouldnt wish this on anyone

>>33867177
It doesn't have to be hard. Let it be easy.

>>33867180
How?
I pushed her away, I stress people out, it's always been like this and I barely ever feel somewhat fine
I wouldn't say I'm even sad at this point, I just don't feel much anymore

I’m dreaming again
I dreamt I was in an old family house and everyone in my life was there, but I didn’t want them there. I started to shout and everyone noticed, but my voice failed me, and they ignored me.

LAVREN, YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN

I want to make sexy videos. I don't even plan on watching them, it's just exciting to make them. Me and Birdy are going to ABSOLUTELY ROCK the world of some very lucky girls.

Freaking masculine man woman get lost

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Bad Girl Tatiana is one of my favorite characters. First day of school is going to be fucking epic. Tied off shirt to show the midriff, fishnets, combat boots. pig tails, spiked collar, face tattoo, black lipstick and blaring Iron Maiden. I'm going to be a menace to the good people of France.

WHATEVER, teach.

So it all ends like this?

>>33867370
It was never given any chance to end any other way.

It's really sad because I genuinely loved my family up until about 7 years ago. They are just the shittiest fucking people it turns out. I thought we all had each others backs. I really, really did. I thought we were the kind of family that would stick up for one another and would never take shit from anyone. I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm pretty sure it was all built into my mind because I just wasn't that close to them in the first place.

All of my friends are in hiding and I lost my entire family. Feeling really alone here guys. I know girls like Mileena would never harm anyone on purpose. I know Donna would NEVER take money to hurt me. I know they haven't done anything in their lives to go to prison for anything. My friends are really innocent people. But they are just girls. You could get them to do stupid shit by threatening them or their family. Donna would kill for her sister, they are adorable. I love potato, I really do. She's a fantastic singer, like she's really, really good. I miss her so much. I hope she was able to record some songs during this madness because she deserves a single.

I wish I'd never fucking used AI

It's caused me so much confusion and almost caused me to hallucinate

AI psychosis is real and I thought I was smarter than this, it hit me somewhere I didn't expect

I would fuck the shit out of the skating polly girl holy shit.

I really need to have sex. My mind is in the gutter. But god damn her hair is fucking perfect. And her little button nose that turns pink. Shes so god damn perfect.

You guys gotta stop finding girls that match my extremely specific aesthetic. It's great, it really is. That I have that influence. That I get to look at a bunch of girls which were made for me. But it's driving me crazy sexually. I just want one of them to absolutely destroy.

>>33867426
At least you’re able to recognize exactly what’s happening. The way AI is affecting lots of people reminds me of what happens to a lot of psychedelic users.

It's shit like DEI that make me sad for mankind. To not see the logical fallacy of it all and how it's just hypocritical and doesn't make sense. In order to combat racism, you became a bunch of racists. It's like you people don't understand how anything works and I have to explain it all to you in the simplest of ways.

You don't understand what it's like to have to talk to people like their children all the time. I just want to be around my peers. I plan on raising the girls right, teaching them how to properly think. Consequences, perspective, all of it. How to think like a mathematician and scientist. To think logically so they don't end up like these human casualties.

You're a coward. I'm betting not your nor your friends are going to do shit but gossip and flex online.
You're not as hard as you think you are.

>>33867482
I don't flex. I don't usually tell people my personal business.

>>33867482
You’re projecting hate, jealousy, envy, and stalking them. What you say about them shows much about you. No wonder you’re stuck in your hell. They’re at peace and happy, living fruitful lives.

I hope Dora isn't upset that I call her Dora. I just really think that it's cute. Also, if she dressed up in that boodoosh dress with the little cherries, skirt, fishnets and socks and dyed her hair blonde... I'm going to absolutely fuck her. I would fuck her so fucking hard you have no fucking idea. Dora was made for that outfit and she wants it if she dresses in it. Like she wants it bad. SHE FUCKING WANTS ME TO FUCKING ROCK HER

>>33867488
Ew you are absolutely disgusting

My family wants me to kms i think. I agree but im too spiteful to actually do it.

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>>33867495
I absolutely am. The disgusting shit I would do to Dora in this outfit. I want to bite her legs. I would tear a hole in those fishnets. I would last about 30 seconds but it would be the best 30 seconds of my fucking life and hers.

Dora was made for this outfit. It's her destiny. She's absolutely perfect for it. She even said that she wouldn't need protection. I would fuck her raw and she would fucking crave it.

>>33867507
Imagine if there was an outfit out there that would turn you into a sex goddess. That's what this dress does for Dora. She could topple governments in this dress. All she has to do is stomp around and let her thighs jiggle a little bit in those fishnets and men and women would fall to their knees for her.

If she hasn't dressed up like this yet then holy shit. And dying her hair blonde with that short choppy look is perfect for her face. She already had short, adorable hair... all she needs to do is bleach it.

Dora, I love you. I want to fucking rock you.

>>33867485
Sure know me well!
You and your lying hateful friends do nothing but stalk me and project your superiority complex vomit on EVERYONE who doesn't go along with your hive mind.
Fruitful? You're all addicted to coke and fuck eachother's wives, you prey on people with internal issues to back up your cult-like self-righteousness, you shun everyone who steps away from you like they deserve to die for it.
You all are the most insecure group of grown-children I've ever met.
You need eachother because literally everyone who's experienced you knows better. Only people who are too scared to be honest flock to you for comfort and belonging.

Not to mention the whole rape thing, bunch of fucking hypocrites.

BELIEVE ME, I'M NOT THE CULPRIT.

>>33867446
Literally what kept me out of it is ironically, OCD over taking care of a parent with mental illness and not wanting to end up like that

shit has too many analogies

>>33867533
You can’t afford therapy so you offload your obsession about them here ha. Shows your mental state. Everything you have said about them shows your insecurity and inconsistency of focusing on yourself instead. Hypocrite.

>>33867588
My therapy is stomping you into a coma.

My mom realizes that she's going to prison, right? Same for my aunt? Why is she so chipper? I know she has been acting for at least 40 years and she has to be pretty good at it but she should see the writing on the wall.

Who, THE FUCK, would torture their own son? What kind of a fucking psychopath cunt is she? Is she just really fucking stupid?

>>33867612
I want dora to stomp on my face with her little shoes and socks in that dress.

>>33867612
Your IP address is logged. We have you tracked.

Why did I have to become so fucked up? It's so hard to live with real mental illness.
I can't form real relationships and everyone who knows me well thinks I'm fucking mental just because I have depression and abandonment issues. Even my friends have turned my illnesses into jokes.
And then I have to tolerate retards prancing around with their depression self-diagnosis like it's a medal while i get treated like a maniac for being actually fucked up in the head.
My family put me in a psych ward because they couldn't tolerate my depression anymore and I got to cohabitate 2 weeks with literal schizos and drug addicts, while I was just depressed. My gf broke the relationship off before I got put in there too. And to top it all off, it was new years and I got to watch the fireworks from the window of my room. My mother pushed the psychatrist to keep me in there for longer even though he said I was good to go. The lowest point in my entire life, and after I came back home, I was expected to act normal. I'm still expected to get over it even though everyone is reminding me of how fucked up I am every single day. Always under threat from them that they would call a psychiatrist to put me back in there.
I'll just embrace it. I turned from a normal, slightly depressed guy into a deranged man void of any emotion.

>>33867617
Get help, buddy.

>>33867627
I need it in the form of Dora's pussy.

>>33867686
Quit being a weirdo.

>>33863184
How’s that? What kind of abuse?a

didn't really finish it and never will, don't know if received. i owe her the same respect i gave you by not using this site, it's a shared space with you now anyway. it's hard to let go of both. get therapy and don't give up friends, if you really want something and your core intentions are good, if who you want to be is good, it will come. don't let the desire to be better fade. guilt is good, shame is bad. i hope you figure out what you want and find it.

It's an inbox not an outbox sort of deal when it's her turn

everyone here sounds the same. arguing with ghosts.

>>33867989
We have more schizos on gioyc than we have on /x/

>>33867947
In other words, it's her turn to take action

The door is open, and I prayed for you

>>33868117
I'm gonna pretend this is for me. I appreciate you.

Dog company is going to be fucking EPIC. All the girls are in their mid 30s now and they are at their peak hotness. I bet they turn heads everywhere they go. Imagine Dora, Mileena, Bree and Donna walking into a room together. The hottest girls in the world just going to a starbucks. They aren't fucking hideous bags of makeup and retardation like the Kardashian shit. They are all naturally and gracefully beautiful. All those girls you see on reality TV are always so fucking ugly and fake. They are unbearable. Dog company is down to Earth, they know not to wear stupid skin tight dresses and 10 pounds of makeup. They don't have to get plastic surgery or botox. They are Wakkawa girls, they know how it's done.

I somehow surrounded myself with these insanely talented and beautiful girls. I don't know how, but I did. Seriously, it's crazy. They are all so crazy gorgeous and sweet and kind. They are all gentle souls and they all have so much in common. They have to be just pumped to be around one another. Like, I set them up with friends for life. We are all birds of a feather.

Im so excited to talk to them again and be with them finally. I cant stop thinking about them. My friends, the good things that happened in this life are out there waiting for me right now. I know I'll be with Easy company for a bit but I really want to be with all the Diamond Dogs of Dog company. Concerts are going to be fucking LIT. It's going to be so fucking awesome being around 30 of my best friends. 30 of the most awesome, pretty girls. Like, they are all so pretty. They are so fucking pretty. Best of all, they are all really, really sweet and kind. They are the nicest girls. They aren't fucking cunts, they aren't dumb, they aren't bitches. I know they are sweet because I wouldn't have fallen for any of them if they weren't. I have always wanted a super sweet and kind girlfriend that would take care of me like a nurse and thats what they all are. They are angels. I chose them because of that.

>>33868238
They are all silly and dumb too. That's the best part. They are part of Tat's team. They aren't going to be super serious. They all act like they are in college still. Just spouting stupid memes and calling each other faggots.

Ahhhhh I want it to happen now. I don't want to wait anymore. Why do the bad guys have to be so fucking stupid. Why do they keep doing this? Why can't they just accept that I'm going to have an awesome life and they are fucked for what they did? Why don't they even attempt to make things right? Like, they don't even try. If they just tried to be good people then all of this would be so much better for the entire fucking planet.

Also, Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora Dora you know what you're wearing for halloween. Just don't wear it around me because I will take you. Like, hard. As Tatiana or Jace. You wear that around me and you're getting it. I don't care what Birdy says. That dress makes you a Goddess.

I cannot stop thinking about that dress. I know you guys have eye tracking, so you know exactly what I'm looking at when I watch that music video. Dora stomping around in that little white flared dress.

It's the stomping. Her legs shake a bit when she does it. And their shape is absolutely perfect. The way the skirt moves around like it does. The fucking stomping around. Why is it so fucking hot? Why does the girl look so very much like Dora? All she has to do is dye her hair blonde and it's the same style of girl.

She has no idea the power of that skirt and dress. Or how she moves around like that. It's absolutely insane. It drives me wild. No other girl in the world could pull it off either. It has to be that exact look. Birdy couldn't do it, Bree couldn't do it, Lauren couldn't do it. But NewDad girl and Dora? It was made for them. It's their fucking destiny to drive people crazy as they stomp around in their little white dress and fishnets.

I need this in my life. I would fucking tackle her and squeeze the shit out of her. I would bite her. Like physically assault her. That outfit turns me into a fucking animal.

>>33862620
I hate AI because it's just an extension of the sovlless big tech overreach into my private life.
Call me a Luddite or a retard or whatever I just don't think the price of literally all of my digital and a significant chunk of my IRL habits, preferences, etc. is fair considering I (a) have zero choice in how that data is used and (b) have to watch society fall into a creative slump as a consequence.
At least with shit like social media it was at least superficially elective. Now I can't so much as go to a baseball game without having my face tracked. Shit sucks ass.

>>33861759
Im 24 and I feel so behind in life. Ive wasted so much time now. Im currently doing my masters but I have yet to learn anything about my field. I cheated on a lot on exams and used gpt for school work and it came back to bite my ass. 2 years from now I will be a graduate and have no projects to back me up. Goddamn I was so stupid thinking I could just cheat my way through. Now Im looking for jobs but there's no way I could find something in my field. I also have no extracurriculars. Im so fucking cooked.
I used to be curious back in hs, I thought it was my calling, but I got seriously burned out in college.
Where to go from here?
I need to grind, overcome myself and gain knowledge. I will apply for more jobs, even low levels one, try to ask around for internships and pray to God I will find something. Thats it. Back to work now.
Also Ive been egg and milkmaxxing these past few days. Shits delicious

All I want is you.

>>33862620
My reasons are my own. I was born with a passion for things of antiquity. My first loves were reading and writing fiction. Florid prose and dreamy atmospheres hit me like few other things. I love the worlds of my favorite authors more than I could love another person, or even myself.

The minds that birthed those dreams are long gone. People don't think like that anymore. Imagination and creativity are measured in different metrics. That's the price of progress. I understand that, and I don't begrudge it.

Nevertheless, it's a lonely feeling. I cannot connect with the consumers of today's media. That's not a judgment, I'm not casting aspersions. It's just not in my DNA. I feel very, very alone as a result. I don't see myself in the world around me.

sigh. i didn't want to do this. but i guess i have to manipulate and gaslight you

>>33868333
I'm 35 with a HS education working part time at Starbucks. I live at home, have no savings, and am addicted to porn. I still manage to hang out with friends and have a decent time. You're so much further ahead of me in life, with so much more time on the clock. You'll be fine.

FUCK I HATE BREEDERS. WE ALREADY HAVE 8 BILLION PEOPLE ON EARTH. THAT'S ABOUT 6 BILLION TOO MANY. STOP HAVING SO MANY GODDAMN KIDS!

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I'm a fancy lad and I like to buy clothes from my favorite designers. However, I look way better in basic street clothes.

Should I embrace the life of a weird character, or try to blend in?

>>33868406
Sorry anon, but I dont really care about comparing myself to people who are doing worse than me
How are you okay with your own exsitance if you dont mind me asking? Are your parents well off?

>>33868397
No one wants garbage people

>>33868422
Not him, but you’ve got to be the biggest faggot I’ve seen on 4chan in months. The next few years of your life are going to be hilarious.

>>33868422
I guess my parents are well off.

I think 'meaning' is just an invention of the mind, and once I realized that nothing mattered anymore. Everyone seems to have a carrot that they're chasing, but they never really seem to catch it. School, then career, then marriage, then kids, and none of it is smooth sailing and none of it is happily ever after, and then it's over and the years erase the fact that you ever existed at all. People tell themselves whatever they need to in order to get up in the morning, because the alternative is too bleak to bear.

I live for transient pleasure and fleeting experience, because that's all there really is.

>>33868428
Why am I a fag?

>>33868444
Now that makes more sense and youre right to think the way you do. It is a rat race. But the difference between us is that youre secure while I am a poorfag.

>>33868466
>Why am I a fag?
You’re a fraud with a silver spoon in his mouth shooting fish in a barrel on 4chan to make yourself feel better.

>>33868466
>But the difference between us is that youre secure while I am a poorfag.

Ehh. My family's estate is tied up in investments, and the future of the market is anything but secure. If/when a collapse happens and I'm forced to contend with a harsher economic reality, I'll find out what kind of person I really am.

I just want to talk to them all. I know there are around 12-15 in Easy company and there has to be another 20 or so in Dog company. Donna is clearly the little Captain of Dog with Bree being her XO. I want to know what they have been doing for the last 8 years. Shit got so fucking weird. Their lives had to have gone absolutely crazy.

It'll just be me and Easy for the first couple days but I want to see everybody. People have sacrificed so much, I know they want to meet me. But I definitely need a couple days with me and just the maidens in order to get my bearings. Just two days and then I want to hang out with everyone. I don't know what we'll do or how it'll happen but I want to hug everyone. I want all the hugs and love. Maybe we can split it up into groups of 5 or so? Into squads of course.

This is the stuff that keeps me going. Just thinking about how my angels are all going to be there.

If you really did that, please cut me out of your life. We deserve better.
You won't even devote yourself to us after THAT? You owe him your life.

>>33868488
That sounds terrifying.

>>33868497
What? How? I'm curious about this one.

>>33868475
Youre just assuming shit anon
Im a poorfag born in a poorfag family, first one to go to college. Im a roach trying to escape my roach life but Im afraid its pulling me back. My dad worked a hard low paying job his whole life, I dont wanna be like him

>>33868477
Youre waiting for the wave to crash anon? Seems crazy to me but you do you anon

atoga has become gioyc

The screaming is really, really bad today. Earlier today they put it up to 11 for like 10 seconds and it was unbearable. It's always unbearable but if they did that there is no way in fucking hell I could live. I would have to kill myself. No one could live through that.

You guys really need to go ahead and end this.

>>33868546
>Youre waiting for the wave to crash anon? Seems crazy to me but you do you anon

What else is there to do? The world is changing faster than anyone can keep up with, and in ways no one can predict. You can try to ferret away some money, but it'll be gone in a heartbeat if the bubble really does burst. The expenses will come hard and fast: healthcare, car payments, rent/mortgage, supersized utilities thanks to data centers hogging the grid and all our clean water. You could try to escape - but where would you go? The whole world is plagued by the same problems of inequality and modernity.

>>33868397
Into doing what?

It's subjective. And that's ok.

>>33868552
Bit of a dour day over there today

>>33868641
It's been like that since last week at least.

>>33868660
My bad pardner

The breadcrumbing won't make me break no contact

I got rolled pretty hard by a coworker I'd been sleeping with. Cheated on, lied to, etc. I have a lot of visceral hatred for this girl, but I still have to work with her.

How do I conduct myself around her? I want to be unbothered, but I'm not. It eats me up inside. I want revenge. I won't act on these feelings, because that's what goes through my head.

>>33868738
You’re delusional. Why would she want contact with you anyway. You’re abusive and triangulated her with whores lol. You downgraded and are a downgrade. Downer.

>>33868866
wut

NTA but if she's breadcrumbing that means she's literally contacting him. People do this a lot - not just girls. After a break up they like to keep their options open and figure out who will still pick up the phone. It's pretty shitty, toxic behavior.

arguing with people in a thread that you don't even know who they are because you are too avoidant to confront your person directly lol you all look so fucking demented and pathetic.

That was a bunch of stupid shit. Everybody is actually cool.

>>33868938
And here you are.

Brough some lost little kittens in for the night. Placed them in a shirt on my heater
Must be nice for this lil bastards

Not gonna lie, all strippers know how to dance on you but I've only met two hot as fuck ones that I'd take to the champagne room

>>33868938
cry more

It's too hard!

>>33868738
Yeah, fair

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I saw a picture of myself sleeping in a crib with a girl I knew almost 40 years ago. I remembered how easy it was to fall asleep in safety and carefree play and being loved. I looked her up online; she became a pierced/tattooed lesbian and looks strung out.

Ten years ago I dreamed of a girl I hadn't seen in 20 years. As a knight, I kneel on a vine-covered walkway connecting to a stone tower and she kisses my forehead, charging me with a sacred quest. The dream is more vivd than life. I ask about her. She's a multiple-felon recidivist, she's pissing herself in parking lots and assaulting cops, she's a methhead.

I realize that every innocent moment I have had is a memory that only I hold on to. I realize that there aren't any more carefree, innocent moments in my future.

You reported me??!!

>>33869039
Nop

>>33869039
It wasn't me
You were so obvious that anyone could have done it

>>33869109
But you know who did?

Ew?

>>33869114
No, nigga
Ask around. You know people gossip and backstab.

I was bigger than Donna before but as Tat I want her to squeeze the fuck out of me as the big spoon. Naked cudddlleessss with Donnnaaaaaaa

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>Apply, interview and get hired for a specific job in a small business of like 6 people.
>Skilled handiwork.
>Great at my job.
>One of the other employees at the first step of production never fucking shows up.
>Work gets bottlenecked.
>We can't give you the hours we said we could, please don't leave though you're so good at this job we need you for it.
>But also we're bottlenecked, so we need you to do a totally different job for a few months.
>Actually, jump back and forth between both roles without warning each day. :^)
>I had a brain tumor blasted out a few years ago and seem to have developed some problems with language processing and memory.
>Keep fucking up the data entry.
>Try to explain that I realize it's an issue but I'm sorting through it medically, and I wasn't fucking hired for this role.
>The production manage is such an egregious bitch that everybody else is too uncomfortable to call her out for it.
>Keeps talking to me like an actual child.
>Teehee! How'd you do this? What a silly billy with the number wumbers! Let's teach you how to read! These ones really get you, don't they?"
>Want to say "Basic social skills really get you, don't they? Or was that supposed to be an 'inside' thought?
>Can't because I need the FUCKING money.

When I was 14 I had a skin infection on my thigh and waist/stomach area and my mother took me to this indian doctor. The doctor asked my mother if her 12 year old daughter could stay in the room during my examination and my mother consented and they let the doctor's daughter be present while I was being examined fully naked

>>33869282
I bet she smells like sakura blossoms. I bet she is insanely soft as well, I know because she uses a shit ton of lotion to get skin that great. And her hiney is super squishy so it's gettin squished.

I need the donna cuddles in my life. She looks so fucking soft. SO FUCKING SOFT AND SQUISHY AND SAKURA-EY

>>33869319
so dirty that a doctor used you to teach a child about the importance of showering

Am I really in the wrong for pointing out how weird white fags and lesbians are for behaving like black people? Why the fuck are you using ebonics, you're white? It's always them adopting the mannerisms, tone and slang. It's jarring as hell. I'll see some white lesbian saying "aight", "type shit" and a white gay talking like a sassy black woman.

>>33869428
You better not ever say “based” then

It hasn't even been a week and I'm already faltering. I wish I was more detached from all this. I wonder why you never reached out last time. Is it the same reason as this time? Just once I'd like to be pursued instead of the one doing the pursuing.

I'm gonna eat the frog. Can I even eat one frog?

>I am a mongoloid
>Don't think reasonable
>Getting old and parents too
>They provide what I need to survive
>Feel like parasite
>Parents pay for my education at public university (not usa)
>Graduated at some point
>Still I can code console apps only
>Can't understand object oriented programming
>If parents live some more I can get good at coding I think
>Doubt it because I am a mongoloid
>Can't go through new app interfaces anymore, too complicated
>Read book clean code
>It's fragments of thousands lines of codes software
>Everyone from my generation code fast like it's nothing
>I depend of Google searches and tutorials
>Feels bad because I want an independent life with my own money
>Despite being retarded and diagnosed schizophrenic, my psychiatrist won't write the documents I need to get on welfare
>Parents want me to have a better life than them too
>Think of learn a trade on the streets (probably going for this one) what do you think?

>>33869428

Former queer here, I literally do not blame you.

In fact I actually used to do it myself because I was retarded enough to believe it was normal because I saw everyone else do it and shit (thank god I don't anymore since it's became annoying as shit thanks to them)

>but then when a straight person says that shit, they're all like "oh you can't use AAVE as a white person, that's racist!!! " as if they themselves weren't doing just that.

>God damn hypocrites fr
>worst part: It isn't just a fag problem either, I literally see those white hot cheeto girls (the ones that everyone says are "Latina" when they clearly aren't) do the same shit too, ALL THE TIME. It's annoying

>>33869428
If you were black saying it then people would agree with you

It's minor, but a few years ago I was rejected in a university. then reapplied and got accepted, but that time was a fucking nightmare to me, I was in a total depression, I didn't know what to do, I still haven't fully recovered from that time. I had anxiety, depression, no happiness, and almost nobody around who could push me further. Now, as things got better, I recall those times, and I have a shiver going down my spine

i am hopelessly in love with you
i wonder if you think of me the same way i think of you
i wish i was more confident

A girl rejected me a while ago, which hurt me a lot. I couldn't get along with her. I couldn't speak to her, while she meant a lot to me. I had a moral dilemma after this: should I treat my next girl like a bitch when she doesn't deserve it, or should I treat her the best way to avoid suffer like I experienced?
A few days ago I learned about Sam Hyde and Marky for the first time, and first I thought it's an uncommendable behaviour, cheating is never anything positive. However, I thought for a moment, and I don't want to say "I treated my girlfriends better than I should". In my future relationships I want to treat women as bad as possible, and I would like to go on like that as long as I feel I have taken that terrible years-ago experience off my chest

>>33869596
tfw not about me

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>>33869478
Yes anon you can. Tell me how it tastes. My fren went to Paris last week and I forgot to ask her if she ate some frog.

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Nothing is going right anymore and hasn’t for the past little while and no one cares to even check in for a quick what’s up
I never will because I’m too stubborn for my own good but I want to kill myself

I remember you sleeping
God, that feeling. It breaks me every time. That long night of solace

>>33869627
Planting seeds to ruin someone's future relationship I see

First person to reply tells me if I reach out to an old friend or not
Y or N

>>33869762
Y

>>33869767
Ok I’m doing it

>>33869785
Good luck

i was physically "abused" by my parents at a young age. figured out my real self went against their worldview. had to keep the real me secret. the abuse became verbal. was molested once, mildly, at 11 years old by another student. was the straw that broke the camels back along with me figuring out i was trans. while being in touch with odd older people online, i think they could tell i was 13 even if i hadn't told them at the time. and years later is now. im trying to accept it all. but part of me enjoys feeling pitied, worthless, subhuman. i have to remind myself it wasn't my fault, without making that part of me upset. i hate having a victim complex. it was what it was though, cant tell myself i'm broken forever. even though i dont want to win the mind game deep down.

God damn it I wish I could talk to you again, I hate this

>>33869834
Why can't you?

I am crazy for you

>>33869833
karma isn't a universal law, neither is justice or fate. they're not guaranteed to have shit lives for doing bad shit to people, and i'm not guaranteed to have a shit life for having bad things happen to me.

I know I'm hot but please calm yourself

I wish you’d let me in, but I don’t begrudge you for keeping me out

>>33862999
>>33863002

Look up OCD. This is one of the ways it manifests.

>>33869839
Blocked

>>33864736
I hate the random updates and ways security measures get implemented

>>33870041
That sucks.

>>33862999
Isn't this a common ocd fear? the intrusive thoughts that you're a pedo of some kind even though you arent? This is best dealt with in therapy, though I will say doing that stuff to "test it out" is a bit fucked up

>>33870075
Very, but I understand it. I blocked her first and was a huge asshole during a splitting episode. Not the first time I’d done that either. I’m using it as fuel to improve and be a better person at least, but I can’t help missing her

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2 weeks without smoking weed, sounds pathetic but I wasted the last 10 years from when I was 16 till now smoking pretty much every day. I want to smoke, pace around, and day dream fight scenes like I used to so bad. Part of me thinks its been pretty easy turning down peer pressure and not doing it, another part of me thinks it wouldnt hurt and I can just do another two weeks no problem. I hate being an indecisive bitch

>>33870097
I was in the same boat as you, 10 years daily from 17-27. Went 9 months sober, relapsed, now I’m a week clean. Stay away from the herbal Jew brother

>>33870102
Thank you brother, I keep saying just one bowl tonight and then another two weeks cant hurt, but I know I have a stupid bitch ass brain and it would probably hurt

reached out to all my old friends, both online and irl ones, and i'm the only one still sad and going nowhere in life and getting worse despite trying so hard to change things and pick myself up. everyone else did a complete 180, completely normal, sober, healthy long term relationship, has a stable job, home, friends, hobbies, traveling etc. they're not just content and better than before but happy happy. even the ones who were khhv neets who had 10 mental disorders and showered once a month. they're all just normal people now.

i'm happy for them. but i also think i can't stick around for long because of how depressed this makes me. we can't relate to each other anymore and i don't want to drag them down now or be a reminder of when their life sucked. no one has time to spend with me like they used to because they have their own life now, and i don't like feeling intrusive or that they have to make special time for me. when i talk about myself or things we had in common they all talk about it like it's a far away thing they barely remember. like they didn't even think about it all this time until i'm bringing it up now. while i remember them like it was yesterday. things just feel so different now. i also just can't believe i'm only one left who's still living like this. there's so much shock.

sigh

>>33870097
I feel you anon
I used to do joints, blunts, dabs, any type of weed usage since I was 15 and didn’t stop until I was 28.
I stopped because my personal goal was to leave it all behind once I started reaching my 30’s
It really is a mind game and you have to distract yourself as much as possible
I still get moments where I have free time and think - Damn a hit right now would be amazing
But I look at the time I’ve been sober and it’s not worth breaking all day for an hour of being high

You’re already 2 weeks in, next it’ll be a month, then 3 and before you know it you’ll completely forget about it
Good luck anon

>>33870150
Proud of you man, keep pushing! Remember to shower lots to keep the cold sweats off

>>33870163
everyone’s journey is different and comparing yourself to anyone else will only keep you stuck in the same ways
1 day at a time

Can’t remember if I sent that text lying about a suicide attempt or not and neither can the person I suspect that I sent it to. I remember typing it out but I can’t remember if I sent it. If it was never sent then I strongly suspect that Feds were watching me and breaching my privacy when I was 15 because it looks nearly evident that they were trying to remind me about it itt during the beginning of 2023.

>>33870220
Can’t remember

My friend got divorced and got 45k, my other friend’s mom died and he got 66k. Pisses me off

They have tiers of fucking retarded. There are the smartest of them, the dumbasses, that control the dumbest of them, the dipshits, that pay everyone. The dumbasses manipulate the dipshits to keep funding everything so that the dumbasses keep getting paid. Then there are the midwits, the fucking retards, that are the minions of everyone. They are the people that reply to me, the cops that show up, the nurses, the doctors, my family, all of them. The fucking retards get manipulated by the dipshits and the dumbasses to do their bidding through leverage, money, and rape/prostitution/pedophilia.

Basically, they are all just the dumbest people alive. The dumbasses are keeping everything going though. They make sure to manipulate everyone so they just keep getting paid. Once that gravy train starts thinking for itself (the dipshits) then it's all over.

Action at any cost

The screaming is a bit much though, don't you think. I get I'm being tortured but like... give it a break for a bit. 24/7 torture is bullshit.

Guys... guys... GUYZ

I want to fuck Mckenna's face.

I'm a 27 year old but I have the intellectual skills of a 2nd grader because I'm severely autistic.

guess what's over

>>33870474
It
Good morning

>>33870477
nice, you got it on the first try. it's over.
it's evening here.

>>33870483
It is over

>>33870509
yeah. we just went over this.

I got baby trapped by a lunatic 20 years ago in high school. Got married, thought the right thing to do was be a devoted husband & father. I was treated like shit for years because wife was crazy.

Long story short I eventually cheat and fall for another woman. First time I actually experienced real love. The other woman treated me like a king. We were compatible in all the ways I wasn't with my wife. Intellectually, sexually, drive/ambition, finances... everything.

But I could t leavey wife for her. I could bear telling my kid I was a cheater nor lying to them about the affair.

So I ended the affair and I'm stuck in a loveless life, knowing what's possible with someone I'm truly compatible with. It's a living hell. But to divorce my dependapotomous wife would cost at least $250k in asetts and 1/3 to 1/2 of my income forever. Id literally have to work an extra decade.

It's all how you react.

Cmon give me a good reaction

>>33870722
Are you okay?

>>33870734
I'm never gonna get blood from the stone.

The damage is done

>>33862692
>>33862709
Can you brainlets both explain how in any way we are in worst times than medieval? You would rather be a peasant under some fat ass king? Geez mates be grateful you live in a time where you aren't raped/murdered for being ugly.

>>33870809
Why do you want that?

i wish you saw me the same way i saw you
you are perfect in every way and you don’t even realize it
i love seeing your face everyday

I got my hair done today for cheap, in my favorite style. It turned out great. And I don't feel at all better from it. I came home and I immediately feel horrible again. I'm in hell and no effort I take to improve my life helps, it never does.

why is letting go of things that are bad for you so hard?

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I met the love of my life on /soc/. We got married one month ago. She lives in another country. I had to go home, the trip couldn't last forever, and we needed to get all the paperwork in for her to move here.

She is not taking it well. That's a severe understatement, it's ruined her life. We shared one of the loveliest months of my whole life together, and now she's spiraling to the point of self harm every single day.

I talk to her for many hours on the phone every single day, but it doesn't seem to help, no matter what I do she complains that she feels completely alone and abandoned there, and that she can't stop crying.

Today after a particularly severe spiral, she suddenly told me that she hates me now, doesn't love me anymore. Then she told me that she never loved me. She's inconsolable.

I don't think she's going to make it.

>>33870991
"Life is running your tongue over the empty socket of a removed rotten tooth" or some gay shit

The damage isn't done. There's gonna be more damage.

I seethe from jealousy that you have friends that could help you at all, and that you're invited to discord servers that even have any people talking in them. To me the only reason why we talk is because you noticed that I'm a worse person than how you see yourself and that makes me easier to talk to or something. I don't even care either way about that, only that at some point something bad is going to happen. And saying it out loud makes it clear that it's likely coming from my mental illness but I really can't be sure. I go from being mad about it to deciding I have nothing to lose anyway. I momentarily tried to pull away when I realized, "uh oh, I get extremely angry any time someone mentions having a friend, or skill I don't have, or if I think they deserve more sympathy or praise than me. I really shouldn't talk to anyone if I'm going to be like that." But then I don't really pull away all the way, so I don't really know why I keep responding. I guess I'm getting something out of it. I keep wanting to be worse but then I feel regret anyway.

I'm cool, I'm great, I'm a good catch and I deserve happy things. I am going to continue to pursue a happy life and find a lovely soul mate to share it with.

I will never give up no matter how long it takes.

>>33871074
Hell yeah.