Turning 30 in 2 weeks, planning to off myself in another 2 because I made this oath since 2020 and my life didn't change despite my efforts. No friends because my high school friends doesn't care about me, I don't matter to them and I fucked up all my friendships afterwards because of trust issues. So no friends, let alone a significant other (best I got is stuck in a situationship and slowly drifting apart), those who want me only sees me on the outside and wants me as an atm machine (muh pRoViDeR mInDsET), my careers got fucked and my current job is a career change nepo hire with no possibility of raise because my pay is considered extremely high (merely 3k). So I'm done. I'm done taking steps to improve as well as hoping.>inb4 your life opens up at 30They say the same thing when you're in high school and going to college, that your life opens up then, but turning 30 and unremarkable and easily forgotten.Just help me prepare my last days. Yesterday I already babysit my nephew and it felt like Aftersun where the dad takes his daughter to vacation to give her one last happiness before offing himself. My routine rn is the usual wake up at 6, go on a morning run and by 8, shower and then go to work. Even if I gave up in life those routines are still on track (though I imagine the nearer the day comes I will be in deep despair).
>>33861966You gotta say the n word at least once
>>33861974Niglet. Done. Now I'm branded as a racist and therefore must die woohoo!
>>33861966wish I had some advice for you anon, but I also want to kms.I guess I just hope that you find something that changes your mind before you decide to follow through. Life fucking sucks but there is a certain beauty to that. Some days I feel like God chose me to suffer so that it expands my understanding and empathy. But I don't know how much more suffering I can take.I can guarantee there is beauty in your life just as there is in mine that I take for granted.
>>33862021It's funny isn't it. We see people wanting to kill themselves bu we don't want them to go through it, yet we're unable to give advice.and/or feel like hypocrite because we wanna off ourselves.The thing is every time I feel like I found a beauty, it all fell apart. And those 'friends', their lives just keeps getting better and peoplw glaze them. As I would say, the world and God prefers them.
>>33861966I made a similar promise on my 30th a couple months ago, gave myself till 32 and to be honest I'm struggling to get even that far. Don't have any suggestions but sorry to hear it didn't work out. Maybe just make sure any debts others would inherit are paid off then spend the rest on a vacation. It's not like you'll miss it.
>>33862074Hmmm only debts I have are the new phone I bought this year but my bank account is enough to pay all of it. Can my family access those to pay when I'm gone?
>>33862186It'll be part of your estate. The bank will freeze your assets, anyone you owe money can claim whatever they're owed out of it, then if there's no will it and any other property you have will be given to people according to whatever the local laws are.
>>33861966>What should I spend my last days?Probably not 4chan.
>>33862199Hmmm that's good then. I don't have much debts and property I have will be given to my family so a will in unecessary.>>33862203IG accelerates my depression more than 4chan ever did.
>>33861966OP I know you wont listen but please dont do itdon't close off paths to meet new people. Go to club, do something you like, anything.Maybe you'll meet a nice girl or you'll like to live again, 30 isnt that old. You can still do a lot of things Suicide isnt the answer.
>>33861966Ive never understood this mindset of taking your life early , we live in literally the most chaotic times - its about to get unreal and you're bowing out early? Like bro I'll go homeless and die in the cold before offing myself - I just don't care. I wanna see what AI will do to fuck us all over , I wanna see which wars start drafting etcThere are just so many general ways to die But I digress, how should you spend your last days?> go downhill skateboarding > climb a mountain > start a drug business and end up in prison and get shankeddo some shit that makes you feel really alive for one last time , heavy risk
>>33861966If you really are dying then you shouldn't waste your time looking for advice in here. The advice board and the lgbt board are full of cyberbullies that will ignore you, give you bad advice or just delete your threads.
>>33861966see a therapist maybe and give it a chancebut if you do go through with it be 10000% sure that it's what you want because its a fact that the majority of bridge jumpers (who survive) regret it halfway throughhanging yourself you will have to make sure you've got the right thickness rope and what you're hanging yourself from is sturdy enough to support your weight because if you're discovered or something goes wrong you might survive but be a brain-damaged potato trapped in your own bodysame deal with guns and carbon monoxide poisoningtry playing an mmo and meeting a female (woman((biohole))), it worked for me and not that i was suicidal it gave my life a sort of purpose to begin doing the work to build our life together
>>33861966If you're completely serious about this and don't have any possible nagging feeling you might change your mind, be sure to take out as many loans as possible and max out all your credit lines doing shit you never got to do.
>>33862267>see a therapist maybe and give it a chanceI remember having a counselor and I confided in her but she was always judgemental, and then I realized she likely told her colleagues about me.AS for dying, I was thinking of drowning and tie my legs so that I won't be recovered. Like that death in Assassin's Creed Origins.
>>33862230>meet new peopleEvery new people I meet ends up forgetting me. Usually it's always me who have to catch up just to say hi. It's all so tiresome.
>>33862308then it sounds like you had a bad counselor, they aren't suppposed to judge you but they should at least challenge you (in a way that fits your therapy goals)was it like a "general" counselor? there are many different types of therapy solutions for different goals, cbt (cognitive behavioral, which i think might be the kind you may wish to pursue), clinical, etcalso drowning is an awful way to die, its excruciating
>>33862317>Every new people forget meThat means you havent met a person good enough for you. Not all people are like that. And as I sad, find a hobby, do something you enjoy and you'll meet people who also likes doing thatPsychiatrists can help with thatI hate when people suffer it makes me sad
>>33861966I don't get what is so bad about your life.You think most people have large friend circles?A ton of people are lonely and their conclusion isn't that should kill themselves.Sometimes people need religion to find meaning.
>>33862322It was the college counselor, got recommended by my professor whom I had a crush. Probably a low level psychology graduate. Though I did remember three years ago going to general hospital and talking to a doctor about my toxic workplace and they say there's nothing you can do about it.>drowning is an awful way to die, its excruciatingThat's exactly it. I left my toxic friends yet I suffer for it, meaning I'm the bad guy. So bad people should die in excruciating ways.>>33862356Problem is lots of people I met are like that. Especially friends. How the fuck is it that my toxic school friends can brag about how fulfilling life is being together for decades yet I struggle to maintain connections with people because it's all give and no take?I do have hobbies (gunpla for one) but it doesn't help with loneliness and in some cases only makes me look worse especially compared to them.
>>33862370I'm semi-religious and it only tells me that God and the world prefers others. You could have people who did so many sins yet gets away with it, some people sin but repent and all of a sudden forgiven like a newborn, yet mistakes I've made? Amplified as if I committed absolute atrocity.
>>33862370Forgot to add>You think most people have large friend circles?Where I'm from it's pretty much the norm. So I'm an outlier.
>>33861966That’s the stupidest shit I’ve read on here in a minute. You’re gonna kys for absolutely no good reason and aren’t even taking the opportunity to truly see the value in every little thing around you. Truly a cucked mindset.
>>33862375OP meet someone here, people on 4chan have similiar problems to you and you two will have something in common (not forcing just trying to help)You probably have family, spend time with them, play games, watch a movie together Also you could adopt a energetic dog or a kitten, animals help with depression and its always nice to have a fluff ball sleep with you and play with
>>33861966I won't read calendar of doom threads. The whining about friends is particularly insufferable. Whining about job, about everything. Whine, whine, whine. There's some systematic wrongthink here but no advice is possible because of the incessant whining.
>>33861966Become a test subject in a drug study, join the army, or take up some other dangerous job.Don't die so easily and cheaply, at least try to sacrifice your life for something worthwhile. Besides, I don't see the point in suicide unless you're being tortured in some prison camp for information or you suffer from late stages of incurable diseases like Alzheimer's. We're all going to die anyway, and rushing it is too painful and burdensome. It's a waste.
>>33862428This
>>33862382>I'm semi-religious Here's some explanation thenhttps://youtu.be/YVi0kEJT6rQ
>>33861966You do you boo. Cant change your mind, but I can tell you "it doesn't stop here, in fact it only gets worse" My recommendation is try to make change in the present while you can, rather than being stuck in a position you can't get out of because you did something very dumb thinking there was an escape. My man, you living in Samara. There is no getting off the ride. You will wake up as a cell. You will wake up as a flea. You will wake up as a plankton. You will wake up as a fish. You will wake up as a bird. You will wake up as a rabbit. You will wake up as a dog. You will wake up as a Man once more; and you will continue to wake up over and over until you learn how to actually escape this cycle; which is not by suicide, but by accepting who and what you are as a being. So go ahead, do it. Don't say I didn't warn you. You will beg scream and claw with a force you cannot fathom in your final writhing moments that will make your suffering in the present seem so tiny in comparison. And then you will continue to suffer, over and over and over, outside of your control, of which said suffering will make your ennui and depression look like a fucking joke. So really, honestly, if you are that stupid, go ahead. Add more suffering into your life than you really need to or are inherit to. Keep on being your biggest obstacle, rather than sitting down in front of the mirror and accepting and loving yourself. Better to just, you know, go through countless suffering, rather than actually sitting down, and practicing self love and acceptance.
>>33862428>see the value in every little thing around you.And what, would that be anon? Everything I do, my 'friends' and other people do it better, and get recognition better.>>33862487Ugh, Christianity>>33862506>accepting and loving yourselfHow the fuck can you accept that you're friendless despite trying all the time and be of help to others. You love yourself, yet no one cares about you. Sure, you say well fuck them. Problem is, they were never fucked.
>>33862579Have you tried loving yourself instead of measuring your worth by the love of others? If you have not tried loving yourself, or being friendly with yourself, you are basically saying "I'd rather die than be nice to myself" and that's just sad mate. Stop trying to gauge your happiness by what others see in you, but rather what you put into yourself. Give yourself at least a smidgen of what you give others, before deciding to hit the reset button. Genuinely try to take care of yourself, love yourself and the be the friend you need, rather than your worst enemy. If you don't, then you're just lazy.
>>33862579And here's the other thing mate, you aren't friendless. You literally live in a reality that loves you and brought you into existence. You just ain't listening because you're too busy chasing something you ain't going to find in others. You're chasing happiness, and then crying when you can't catch it. My man, it comes from within, not outside. Sit down, reflect love yourself, love the reality that loves you, and wake up, and get the clue that you aren't alone and friendless, there's a whole ass living reality that is your friend, filled with a ton of people in it, who want to be your friend, if you can learn to be a friend to yourself, rather than placing them on a pedestal to make you happy, of which, unless you make for yourself, you aren't ever going to get. Baka.
>>33862600>>33862609Not even OP but this is spoken like someone who's never been in that place himself. A person can only get back on the horse so many times.
>>33862609>reality that loves youDoesn't seem like it>filled with a ton of people in it, who want to be your friend, if you can learn to be a friend to yourself,Most new friend who wants to be my friend either have use for me and/or ghost me soon after.>>33862600How about, the only things that's keeping me alive thus far is because of myself? I'm the only one that's there. But in the end it all translates to loneliness as you can only do so much just by yourself. You're right in that I put too much pedestal on love of others, but problem is everyone else is being lifted up by those. Yet no one sees the good that I did. I did, but that's all there is to it. Yet other people, they think those people are saints and inspiring yet I'm unremarkable, ignorable.It's just, there are days when I'm extremely okay with myself, and even when I find myself worthless I would never stoop low and try to be someone else, but you can only do so much when it runs out of energy and no one cares about you.
>>33862375if you want pain just put your hand on a burning stovetop
>>33862619No, I've never been in that place, because I don't seek external validation from others, I find it within and in that I find happiness that radiates outward that people are free to have or not have, I don't care. I genuinely don't care if there is someone in my heart or not, because I make this heat for myself. Stop trying to make a fire for someone else, make it for yourself. >>33862631>It doesn't fit my standard of a friend so it doesn't count. See? That's what I'm talking about. You are chasing something you're never going to get, setting an impossible standard, and then being upset when you don't get it. What you want isn't a friend, what you want is someone to be thankful and grateful for you. Get a dog or a cat. Or a pet of any kind. If you genuinely want someone to appreciate you, start with yourself. Appreciate your own life first, thank yourself, be proud of yourself. Be happy and accept yourself first. Then, tend to your own hearth, keeping yourself warm, and then turn around. You'll find plenty of people within it. Will they treat you like a saint? Probably not, but they'll appreciate the warmth you put out. If you want someone to truly be grateful to you, how about you genuinely sit down and listen, don't do, don't act, don't be like "I want something out of this" just sit down and really listen, and understand someone rather than thinking of yourself. Then take that, and add it to your own hearth and be like "Today I had a nest day, this meant something. This is how it made me feel" Stop being lazy, and actually try to exhaust all your options, rather than exhausting your options based on arbitrary bullshit you made up for yourself
>>33862670>Appreciate your own life first, thank yourself, be proud of yourself. Be happy and accept yourself firstDid that, nothing happened, and thus exhausted all my options. That's why the time limit is up.
>>33862506>My man, you living in Samara.A random city in Russia?>There is no getting off the ride. You will wake up as a cell. You will wake up as a flea. You will wake up as a plankton. You will wake up as a fish. You will wake up as a bird. You will wake up as a rabbit. You will wake up as a dog. You will wake up as a Man once more; and you will continue to wake up over and over until you learn how to actually escape this cycleThe fuck is this shit supposed to mean?
>>33862710My man, if you did that, you wouldn't have posted this thread or continued this line of logic.Stop setting up arbitrary bullshit standards for yourself and just learn to be okay with living. Or don't and die, and continue to suffer over and over again until you learn to stop getting in your own way. You want to know how you can enjoy your last days? How about living them where you aren't setting up obstacles for yourself, and just being okay with being alive? Try living for a change, rather than chasing.
>>33862728Samsara, the wheel of Manifestation, aka ,"Mr bones wild ride" aka "Bitch you thought it ended? Lmao nah lil homie."Life is not something that ends, just transitions into another state. The ride truly never ends, and there is no escape from this rebirth shit until you learn to accept yourself, let go of yourself, and just be.It's bhuddism bro.
>>33862729Problem is living them for what? Just nothing? Expecting nothing? So spend the rest of your days just surviving? Real good strategy.Actually wait you are right, I haven't been able to be proud of myself. How would I, why would I? There's nothing remarkable about me. Even if there's something remarkable, other people are simply better. So tell me, how to appreciate that, aprreciate that you aren't good enough?
>>33862670>It doesn't fit my standard of a friend so it doesn't count.>Twisting words
>>33862760How about living without the arbitrary bullshit standards? Stop putting the cones up, live one week without them. I dare you. I double dog dare you. Stop setting up your own obstacles and just live. >>33862793>Why don't I have friends? Im so sad>Okay I have friends, but they either use me or ghost meOP isnt looking for friends, he's looking for gratitude because of fucked up arbitrary standards to no one else but himself put on himself, which is hard to come by when he isnt even capable of not setting up obstacles for himself. He really should adopt a pet, or visit a zoo/feed some ducks/goats/rabbits etc.
>>33862631>Most new friend who wants to be my friend either have use for me and/or ghost me soon after.Some people have good hearts and actually want help
>>33862806This
>>33862812Sad part is they all tend to be strangers and not your actual friends.>>33862806Because people expressed gratitude to each other all the time and I did to people too, yet no one would do the same? Just taking me for granted? And I have pets, so does everybody else. Guess what, they have people that appreciates them as well. And you think I haven't lived without those standards? I did, for a month probably, yet it came back. Sometimes there are days where I am just happy and grateful for what little that I myself have, but in the end, no one remembers me either.
>>33862806So what you're saying is, friends are bullshit to each other. Oh what, so I should be "Oh man I don't have any friends and suffer alone, and I should appreciate myself for it!" While other people gets fucking rewarded for having people in their life.
>>338619661. Don't kill yourself, you regret it immediately after and it doesn't bring you peace, I know it may be hard but there are good things in life, you just have to look for them2. God loves you and cares for you, and through his son jesus Christ you can have a relationship with him, turn to jesus today and your life shall improve significantly, he is the way to eternal life and true peace, come to him today anon
>>33861966have you considered just giving up on society and societal norms and doing whatever you want? start investing in VT or a similar ETF if you're in europe and live frugally, maybe spend some money on copes. truth is. its all a cope to the grave
based budda poster, we all gonna escape samsara, one day or another>>33861966litterally do anything but kys, if you think you NEED friends you are doing it for them (society) and not yourselfyou seem to be in a loop of suffering, go on and do anything extraordinary, from smallest thing like taking another road or changing ehat you eat and drink to bigger thing like doing drugs, charity, steroids or extreme exercising
>>33862251This.
>>33861966sell/give away all your possessions quick because nobody wants to deal with that and will probably throw away in a dumpster things you cared about
>>33861966Your thoughts, beliefs and expectations creates ALL experience. Start telling yourself a different story and your outer world will change. You have been hypnotizing yourself this whole time.
>>33861966>planning to off myself in another 2 because I made this oath since 2020this doesn't workeither you want to live or you don'tif you don't, you end it right here and now, not in [X] monthssee you in a year.
