It’s not that I need validation from social media or that I want to show off. What frustrates me is the principle behind it. She has no problem posting her friends or family, but somehow she never includes me.Every time I’ve brought it up, she says things like “I don’t really post much” or “I’m just private,” but the truth is she does post, just not me.We’ve talked about it a few times, calmly, and she knows it matters to me, but nothing changes. At this point it feels less about Instagram and more about what it represents. It makes me feel like she’s fine keeping me a part of her private life, but not her public one.I don’t want to force anyone to do something they don’t want to, but it’s hard not to see this as a sign that her commitment doesn’t match mine. I’ve given her time, gifts, affection, and respect, but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s still holding something back.I’m not angry, just tired. Tired of feeling like I’m the only one putting real weight into this.
Dump her, OP. Go with your gut.What you’re taking issue with might sound silly on paper, but I’d have to agree with you that this is indicative of a larger issue.
>>33864150She's nice in many other things but this pisses me off so fucking much, because she even said things like "we've not been together for that long", but then she'll post a picture with more people where there's people she knows for as long as she's known me, and again, I'm her fucking boyfriend not just a friend
>>33864145Calm the fuck down. Some people do treat a relationship like a private thing. A girlfriend who is spamming you on social media is also the type that will talk shit about you to her girlfriends and then they turn her against you.
>>33864166Yeah, I get that, and I actually agree that oversharing a relationship online is just as bad.I’m not asking for spam or performative stuff, just some sign that she’s not trying to hide me.There’s a difference between being private and being secretive.If she genuinely wanted to keep her life offline, I’d respect that, but she does post other people. That’s the part that doesn’t sit right with me.
>>33864162I think you should at least talk with her about this again today and tell her exactly how it makes you feel.
She's not just your gf buddy.Always avoid shifty hoes.t.37yo
>>33864145Her instagram should be set to private and her pictures should be only family pictures.It's a big red flag if she doesn't want to make your relationship public. Feels like she wants to keep herself open to other options.
>>33864177basically yes
>>33864174I get what you’re saying, but honestly I don’t think talking about it again will change anything.She already knows exactly how I feel, and repeating it would just make me sound needy or like I’m trying to convince her.At this point, if she wanted to do something about it, she would’ve already done it.
>>33864170>just some sign that she’s not trying to hide me.>There’s a difference between being private and being secretive.Look, instead of only looking at something from a negative point of view, take a look at it as a positive. What you see as “private” can be easily viewed as SPECIAL, something fragile that she doesn’t want to break.It sounds like you are chasing after stereotypes, like “if she really liked me she would be posing me on socials, and the fact that she doesn’t means she’s ashamed of me”. Get out of your own fucking head.
>>33864187It is extremely sketchy and disrespectful of her to treat you like this, yes. Sorry to hear you’re going through this.
>>33864189*what you see as “secretive”
>>33864145Why are you being such a pussy with this? Send her a message: "Why won't you post me on Instagram? You post other people."
>>33864189It’s like you didn’t even read what that guy wrote.
>>33864189If she posts her friends and parts of her life but always leaves me out, it naturally raises questions.I just want consistency, not public validation.
>>33864195Because blowing up her phone with that kind of message would do nothing except make me look reactive.She already knows how I feel; I’ve been clear.If she’s going to post me, it should come from her, not because I guilt-tripped her into it.I’m past the point of begging for basic respect.
>>33864196>why doesn’t she treat me like the family and friends that have loved her her whole life and who she’s not afraid of losing?I read it just fine.
>>33864207You didn’t. You projected a whole lot of your own bullshit onto what he actually had to say, which was that he respectfully broached the subject multiple times, and she lied to his face about acquiescing to his needs.There’s a genuine lack of trust and respect on display here, not any fuckboy egoism. You are an asshole.
>>33864200No need to understand the minds of women. I can easily interpret her not posting you as really positive. The more a girl likes you, the more she will be afraid to lose you. And the more she indulges in believing that you’re the one, the more she will hurt if it doesn’t work out. Not posting you is an easy way to keep some small part of her ‘safe’ if it doesn’t work out. You said it’s still early in the relationship…just give it time. Give her time to feel more safe about the relationship.
>>33864224>No need to understand the minds of women.*you need to
>>33864224She’s just protecting herself, she literally told me that.But it’s been a year and a half, that’s not exactly “early” anymore.At some point, keeping things hidden stops being self-protection and starts looking like hesitation.
>>33864233The hesitation IS the protection. Before she met you, had she gotten her heart broken after she poured out her own love into the guy?
Have you met her family and friends? If not then yeah you're absolutely a placeholder. If she felt serious about you she should be as proud to show you off as she does her other people. Don't listen to this "privacy for sacredity" shit. Every bitch with a bf makes it known to others all the time, usually by complaining, but stilltd8v8n
>>33864145I won't read app-addled threads.
>>33864240Yeah, she did. She’s told me before that she got hurt pretty badly in the past, and I get why that would make her cautious.I’ve tried to be patient with that, and I don’t hold it against her.But the truth is, healing doesn’t mean keeping the next person at arm’s length forever.At some point you either trust again or you don’t, and that choice says a lot.
>>33864243Yes I've met her family and friends
>>33864145You're acting like a child. I don't post these kinds of things on my social media either because I resent this idea that everything in my life has to be advertised online. I enjoy being private and keeping my intimate relationships private. It isn't anybody's business. This is how adults behave. Start acting like one.
>>33864145Whatever her motivations are, what she is DOING is signaling availability. The most cynical and sadly the most likely reason is that she is looking for other guys, or >(You) are an other guy, my man. Maybe she's not outright cheating but selling pics or keeping side options open. I agree with other anons, your gut feeling that something is off. Girls who want to keep relationships "private" compared to other aspects of their lives do so for practical reasons, never out of any principle. Think of streamers, idols, OF girls, etc. that need to look single so their simps stay devoted.>>33864166>>33864189This is a feminine-ass perspective, but there are no girls on 4chan so this is just an effeminate beta simpShe's not a fucking social media celebrity or a Japanese idol, there's no need for her to broadcast some image of being pure and virginal. And how much can she care about "privacy" if she posts family members? Something fucking shifty is going down, I've NEVER had women have a problem posting me on their social media or vice versa, if they had it to begin with.
>>33864259Then it’s not such a terrible thing to broach a “we need to define who we are” kind of talk. You’re right that a year and a half is enough time for not just a declararion, but for her to decide cross that threshold. Don’t be accusatory with her; be understanding.The kind of thing i might do is set up a night out at a fancy restaurant, dress up and all. You can talk about the threshold with her beforehand or during the dinner. Have a picture taken of the two of you all dolled up. But you have to realize that an ultimatum is an ultimatum. That if you tell her that she needs to post that pic and declare you, or you have to leave…that’s an all or nothing proposition.
>>33864269Yeah, I’d get your point if she didn’t post anything.But that’s not the case, she posts friends, trips, random selfies. So don’t tell me this is about privacy or maturity when the only thing she keeps “private” is me.That’s not being an adult, that’s being selective.
>>33864274Yeah, that’s crossed my mind too.I don’t think she’s cheating or anything extreme, but when someone keeps every other part of their life public except you, it does send a weird signal.At the very least, it looks like she’s keeping the door open a little, and I’m not okay with being in that gray area.
>>33864284>But that’s not the case, she posts friends, trips, random selfies. So don’t tell me this is about privacy or maturity when the only thing she keeps “private” is meBrother, you're still living in little boy land. You're letting your insecurity drive you over a completely meaningless, hollow gesture.>That’s not being an adult, that’s being selective.Being an adult is being selective, young child. The intimate relationship you have with random friends and relatives is not even remotely close the intimate relationship you have with a partner. Half of the adults over 30 I know don't have social media at all for the same exact reason. You're getting butthurt over a thing that has absolutely zero impact on the quality of your relationship yet you've decided to make it a focal point because you'd rather give in to pouting instead of engaging with the concept meaningfully, like a grown up.
>>33864269>>33864297>you're insecure you're a little boy you're a child!You are a fucking simp making any excuse for a woman and shaming a man for having perfectly valid suspicions. You're fucking disgusting, your soul is fucking foul.
>>33864297You’re missing the point. It’s not about needing attention or being “butthurt” over social media.It’s about consistency and what it represents. If she genuinely valued privacy, I’d respect that completely.But when she’s fine sharing everyone else and draws the line at me, that’s not maturity, that’s mixed signals.I’m not twelve, I just pay attention to patterns. If she posts things but keeps her boyfriend out of the picture, nobody's going to think "she's taken", they'll just think she's single, grow a pair of balls faggot
>>33864145Truth is she’s retarded because she’s a woman. It’s like being a socialist, it makes sense because it makes sense in the context of women permitting themselves to hold double standards unironically. She’s not hiding you, she’s likely not cheating or planning on it, she’s not embarrassed or ashamed of you. She’s a regular person who has her own misgivings and anxieties and while she may not be forthcoming with specifics you should feel safe knowing that most people aren’t out to hurt you or do you wrong in general. Including her. She’s just being, like I said, retarded about whatever is really going on in her head.
>>33864293Then ditch her. If she's not on your program 100%, it's not worth your time. If you really can't bare to part ways just yet, the only thing is to go detective mode. She's not being ethical by hiding you as part of her public life, you have license to be unethical back to find out what's up.
>>33864309I already know women are not supposed to be taken seriously, it doesn't change much either
>>33864306>You are a fucking simp making any excuse for a woman and shaming a man for having perfectly valid suspicionsA grown man complaining about not having pictures of him posted on social media is not a man. That's a child. >You're fucking disgusting, your soul is fucking foul.Whoever you're angry at it isn't me. See a therapist.>>33864308>But when she’s fine sharing everyone else and draws the line at me, that’s not maturity, that’s mixed signals.It's only mixed signals if you're emotionally a pre-teen and you fail to understand the distinction. Intimate/sexual relationships are an entirely different level of privacy than random friends and relatives. Again, the majority of adults I know over 30 don't post their partners or their children. She's even explicitly told you that she likes keeping her romantic life private but for some reason your insecurity prevents you from engaging rationally. >I’m not twelve, I just pay attention to patterns. If she posts things but keeps her boyfriend out of the picture, nobody's going to think "she's taken", they'll just think she's single, grow a pair of balls faggotYou act twelve. Needing your partner to announce that she's taken online like its 2007 MySpace to feel secure is peak childlike behavior. Additionally, you haven't mentioned any single other part of your relationship where she's not invested. You haven't mentioned anything about whether or not she even posted her last boyfriends. Your issue seems to be rooted in nothing tangible. You have given no reason not to trust her other than "She doesn't post pictures of my on instagram" which is a mindset so childish I'm struggling to understand how you've managed to build a mountain out of such a pathetic mole hill.
>>33864346>A grown man complaining about not having pictures of him posted on social media is not a man. That's a child.A man making excuses for a woman's bad behavior isn't a man, that's a eunuch. >Intimate/sexual relationships are an entirely different level of privacy than random friends and relatives.You're so fucking stupid.>Again, the majority of adults I know over 30 don't post their partners or their children.You're conflating protecting the identity of minors with some dumb thot posting everything but her romantic partner. God, it must suck to be you, I bet women have taken advantage of you all your life and you just ask for the chastity cage to be tightened even more with each one.
OP, I believe you are entirely justified in feeling the way you feel. Her behaviors are inconsistent. However, there's something else to it- she wants someone out there not to know anything about you. Depending on her ex, that's why. Could also be fear of someone taking you. My worst case view is she's making herself seem available.Talk to her and tell her that it makes you uncomfortable. You've been together long enough and the fact is, she doesn't even post you as a friend like her other friends, so her behavior is extremely suspicious.Curiously, how much access do you have to the people she talks to?
>>33864362>A man making excuses for a woman's bad behavior isn't a man, that's a eunuch.If "bad behavior" means not posting pictures of you on instagram then I fear for your future relationships. >You're so fucking stupid.Reverting to name calling when you have no argument. Another classic sign of being a child.>You're conflating protecting the identity of minors with some dumb thot posting everything but her romantic partner. No I'm not. Random people aren't worried about the safety of their children by posting photos to their 28 followers. That isn't the point. The point is keeping particularly private aspects of their lives offline. As previously stated, OP has provided not a single other example of his girlfriend lacking commitment or omitting him from her life. His only gripe is having his identity announced on instagram which is peak middle school behavior.>God, it must suck to be you, I bet women have taken advantage of you all your life and you just ask for the chastity cage to be tightened even more with each one.Make up whatever fantasies about my life that you want if it makes you feel better. I couldn't give less of a shit. The more you whine and ramble about a stranger on the internet you know nothing about the more you stink of projection.
>>33864379Yeah, that’s actually something I’ve thought about too.When we’d been together for about four months, her sister once posted a story with me in it, and my girlfriend told her to take it down because her ex might see it.I called her out on that later, and she said it was only because the relationship was still new at the time and that she doesn’t care anymore.But the thing is, they still follow each other on Instagram. So even if she says she’s over it, it’s hard not to see some kind of lingering hesitation there. Idc if she tells me they just follow each other and that they only talk for a birthday or something like that, it's wrong.
>>33864145I understand your situation, many such cases. Dump her, she's a dishonest wretched woman
>>33864383Illogical and feminine arguments that rely on shaming and calling someone insecure do not deserve proper rebuttals since they aren't proper arguments in the first placePlease, go back to r/relationshipadvice and stop trying to feel superior because you're an actual beta cuckold. I can tell exactly what kind of person you are, both your physical stink and the stink of your soul permeate every reddit-spaced paragraph of excuses you make.
>>33864388That is very critical information.The fact that she hides you from her ex is a problem. I was once in a relationship with a girl long distance who was two-timing (actually three-timing) me with another person and made an active point not to let pictures of just us get on her socials. This was the ENTIRETY of our relationship which lasted like 2 years. I might add that I was the latest person to join her party, not the first.I hate to be a cynic but your girlfriend has a serious issue that is deeper than just you. It is not normal behavior to behave this way and I think she's probably juggling the situation.Does everyone in her family know about you? Do all her friends know about you? Do you know who her 5 closest friends are?All these questions are important. In my case I was literally staying at her mother's house and hanging with all her friends when I would visit her. Her level of deception was unreal. I remember when I had suspicions before we started dating, another of my friends made me think I was just paranoid.Trust your gut, bro. She's being strange.
>>33864383>keeping particularly private aspects of their lives offlineLol are these people hermits? Do they wear masks to protect their identity? Are they part of witness protection?I don't know if you know this mister redditor, but families and married couples go out. They do things, and are seen by hundreds of people. If they have regular restaurants, a church, a gym they go to, people will see them together and know they are a family or in a relationship. They will eventually meet people IRL, and introduce themselves as a couple.Meanwhile, to their 28 followers, they can't even post the same kids or partner that hundreds of people IRL, including their friends they're sharing their social media with?Yeah that's fucking bunk, that's fucking bullshit.
>>33864406Yes her entire circle knows about me, they all like me, both family and friends
>>33864388>my girlfriend told her to take it down because her ex might see itAnd welp, there it is. Mr beta redditor was wrong, no surprise there. Either she still has feels for the ex or the ex is a psycho you don't want to mess with. And either situation is a perfectly good reason to bail.
>>33864145>too ugly to be posted onlineGrim
>>33864421Whatever the reason was, it showed me she still had some kind of attachment to that part of her life, even if it’s just fear of how he’d react.And you’re right, either way it’s not something I want hanging over a relationship.It’s not about jealousy, it’s about wanting clean breaks and peace of mind.
>>33864429I feel like I'm talking to a LLM or something, because you keep waffling when you've been told multiple times what to do and you reddit space too.Be a fucking man and lay down the law. She needs to cut contact with the ex and start making an effort to show you're a feature in ALL aspects of your life, or you walk. Now stop fucking posting and go do it.
>>33864445all aspects of *her life, including online
>>33864445I already told her I thought it was wrong but she shrug it off and didn't do nothing about it, when I see her in person I'll tell her to stop following him on IG, she better do it or I'll just leave her
DUMP HE THE FUCKING NOWTime to cut off your losses buddy. Don't waste any more damn second into this. She is clearly toying with you. Don't take her back, and if she promises to post you on social media after you mention breaking up, DON'T TAKE HER BACK.
>>33864456>she better do it or I'll just leave herYOU'RE SUCH A BITCHReally, I never seen anyone more solj4ked than you
>>33864407>Lol are these people hermits? Do they wear masks to protect their identity? Are they part of witness protection?A lot of people don't like to advertise their sexual/romantic relationships online. I don't know how to explain it any simpler. You can do this ad absurdum thing if you like but its not a wildly bizarre concept no matter how much you pretend it is.>If they have regular restaurants, a church, a gym they go to, people will see them together and know they are a family or in a relationshipCan you think of possibly any difference between people you see every day in your community and any random person across the globe who can access every personal detail of your life online?>Yeah that's fucking bunk, that's fucking bullshit.Honestly it just sounds like you're super young. Grown adults don't have this much anxiety and fixation about exposing their whole lives to the internet. Either way the whole point is moot. If OP doesn't like it then break up. Say "I'm breaking up because I wanna be on your instagram waaaaa" and then he can go find a nice lovely 13 year old zoomer who will plaster his face and put his birthday in her bio and then he can go to sleep with his binky in his mouth feeling nice and secure in his relationship.
>>33864470>A lot of people don't like to advertise their sexual/romantic relationships online. I don't know how to explain it any simpler. Yeah, your simple brain would stop at that surface level explanation, without any higher-order thinking.No shit Sherlock, people want to sometimes keep their relationships private. It's the MOTIVATION we're questioning, you simpleton>Can you think of possibly any difference between people you see every day in your community and any random person across the globe who can access every personal detail of your life online?Then don't be online, simple as, or set everything to private. Let's conveniently ignore this woman's ex is one of her followers on instagram.>Honestly it just sounds like you're super young. Grown adults don't have this much anxiety and fixation about exposing their whole lives to the internet.At least I can just call you a shithead straight up, you're such a bitch you need to make ad hominems through implications and use passive language. What a bitch. Grown adults know how the world works and men who actually fuck women learn fast to not trust them, especially when they're taking deliberate measures to hide your presence from a previous romantic partner. Go back to playing with your 3 inch nub, you redditor faggot.
>>33864469Why can't I just tell her to stop following the guy and leave her if she doesn't do as I say?
>>33864145Woman hereIf her life is instagram and she hasnt posted you not even in her stories, then yeah youre cooked How long have you been together? If youre at the beggining of the relationships its logical she wont post you yet
>>33864638we've dated for a year and a half
>>33864725and she still wont post you? Dude she definitely is either actively cheating on you or wants to keep her options open, go through her phone and trust ur gut instincts. Best case scenario is that she is just ashamed of you. - woman
>>33864725Yep brother youre cookedGive her an ultimatumLet her go if she disagrees
>>33864565>Why can't I just tell her to stop following the guy and leave her if she doesn't do as I say?Dude, are you mental? You should just break up with her. She doesn't fucking respect you. If you ask her to unfollow him you will just look like the WIMP that you are acting as.Stop acting like a foo, she will walk all over you.
>>33864738>Give her an ultimatumDon't do that, that's what cucks do."uhmm... uhmm... Ehn... If you don't post a photo with me, maybe we are going to break up""Alright"LMAO, peak c.uck mentality
>>33864779Op got into this situation by being soft and not having strong boundries with this womanShe may not be entirely evil (he said she was nice to him), but just needs to be put in her place definitely, keep in mind Im saying this as a woman.As a last resort an ultimatum would be good
>>33864145Things like this, alone, mean nothing. Get over it. However if it comes on a pattern of a bunch of other behaviour that points in the same direction, it definitely becomes "wants to look single" for one reason or another.
>>33864857>not saying this as a woman Yeah clearly.. boundaries dont mean demanding obedience.. and early in a relationship if you lay down "I expect to he posted about on social media" youre gonna look like a loser. Even "I dont like being a secret" may sound fine at first but as soon as it turns to "I dont like how you run your social media" youre done.Getting a good partner is about about finding someone who already largely behaves in ways you can manage, and has flaws you can deal with. Not molding someone through force and demands into something you like.
>>33864857You are a women. Men should never take your advice. No offense. Ultimatum is something feminine. There's nothing masculine about it, only a little c.uck would do it. When a men wants something, he does it. This is the masculine energy most men are missing.
>>33864145In my first couple of serious relationships, I actually wanted NOT to "kiss and tell" and instead keep it private and special. Are you sure you aren't overthinking it?Post a pic if you want some criticisms, something constructive. Maybe you're not posing well in photographs, or fashionwise?
If you've been together for more than 3 months than yeah, dump her. Anyone that keeps a partner private above that timeframe is keeping the door open for a new partner. I'm real sorry man, I've been there, you're the place holder and/or backup plan and you really don't wanna be stuck with that for life.
>>33864917>Setting boundaries with people in your life in order to maintain healthy connections is feminineYou're in for a hell of a sad life, anon
>>33864911Yeah, you may be rightIf they already talked then shit might be settled in her head regarding the transparency of the relationship
If she's had previous boyfriends, did she post them on social medias?If she does this weird "I don't post my boyfriend online" with every dude she's been with then it may just be standard women insanity where they convince themselves of some bullshit.If she posted pics with her previous dude but not you, then I'd run away, she's gunning for another dude.
>>33865029Or they used to and something happened and now she doesnt. Could be sick of people in her dms like "your bf looks like a fag im a real man"Im less interested in past, more interested in what else. This alone is nothing. Catch her talking to other dudes and not mentioning bf or just new dudes in her dms she doesnt seem to dismiss, now its an issue.>>33865020
>>338641453 years with my gf and i haven't posted a single photo/reference of her. My relationship status is single in cuckbook. And you know what? she doesn't give a single fuck because she knows me and she don't give a fuck about social media either
Thing about social media is you open yourself to both criticism and praise. Friends, family, places, pets, activities are neutral at worst. A female posting a male bf especially if he is white is not going to make anyone envy her. Your gf knows she will be ridiculed and this will force her to to defend you or throw you under the bus in social medias public square.
>>33864145I’m 24 married with a kid. I have posted all sorts of trips on instagram and church events. I have never once posted a picture of my wife (outside of her hands holding harvested fruit from our garden) nor have I posted our child in any capacity. If you’re over the age of 22 this does not matter. You should have bigger things to worry about than whether or not your girlfriend is posting you on instagram. You’re a man, figure out what you want out of life, go out, start working to accomplish it. Get a goal, don’t sit around neurotically pondering how the actions of a woman affect you. Acting like this is a good way to repel a woman. What woman wants a man who is worried sick about if his girlfriend is going to post him on instagram
everyone's use of social media is different but you ultimately have to go along with their habits. you picked a girl that has an open profile and posts frequently so in your case i would agree her not posting you is a red flag (if she kept her profile private and didn't post much, it wouldn't be an issue). it might be cringe but in manosphere communities this is one of those red flags that is cited often. the second point is, she follows her ex and had a family member take down a picture of you because of that ex. either she is in active contact with him or that ex is a psycho and trying to contact her (and the fact that they follow each other still despite him possibly being a psycho is trouble).in the most practical sense, i would invite her to an really cool outing (trip somewhere, boat ride, etc.) where you'd be a fool not to post on social media. if she is still cutting you out despite you being a focal point of it, i would have one foot out the door and emotionally check out. >>33867093>>33866760i would say it's different for guys. my sister had her insta profile open at one point and received constant dms from men in her area despite only having like 3 posts total. the amount of attention women get is ridiculous.
>>33864987Boundaries != UltimatumIf you can't understand this, I suggest a brain transplant.
Yea. They do be acting like that when they be going behind you back and texting and flirting with other cucks on social media. She don't see you as a real bf material. You are a cuck manlet. Good luck licking your average mormie thot gf to the grave
how long have you been dating? you are her bf, not her fiancé or husband, not her family, not her friend. some people don't want to parade their little unserious boyfriends around just to get embarrassed by him later cheating or leaving. if you have been together for less than a year, why do you care? she probably just doesn't want you to embarrass her. if you've been dating more than a year maybe she thinks you aren't serious about her.we live in an era of lazy men settling for practice gfs. get used to being treated as unserious until you act serious.
>>33864233But are you actually "hidden" in the sense, that her family and friends do not know you at all, or are you just not on the instagram?
