How many years does it take for somebody to give up on themselves continuously before it truly solidifies in them?Since, for me it's been like 5 years, and think I'm nearly there. Whether it's academia (5 years of trying to get one bachelor, technically in the final stretch yet feel like I truly can't do it, despite all courses I'm retaking), friends, hobbies, passions, anything. Multiple times throughout these years, I either gave up at critical moments, or tried my hardest and didn't get me nowhere, making it more difficult to try again.The worst part, is how I've started to not care anymore. That I can't care anymore. Usually when I would fuck up I'd be blasted by shame, and before that be fueled by deadlines no matter what. Yet now, maybe just as a form of avoiding, I just realize how I'll waste all these years, disappoint everybody, yet somehow don't really feel anything about it. I know all of this was self formed. And, that it isn't really anything unusual either, just looking at the catalog of this board there's like 5 others who spout similar things. The other part of being unable to do much is just having a lot of time to self reflect, so I know this isn't it. But, I've tried to get out of this before, but not only did they not work out, I've just created more ways to self sabotage. I've engrained habits of lying to others, then been unable to ever face them properly, as a counter effect to reaching out. I chose to not allow myself to sleep, to ensure I can't fare properly with what's to come (4am rn, and have something important tomorrow), and a lot more can't say with this word limit. Whenever I truly try to fix something, that just gives me bigger things to fuck up. So, for the advice part, well, I moreover want to hear from people who have been here or worse, rather than the ideal ways to fix this. Have any of you been stuck in longer cycles, and still managed to get out? Or, for those who did give in, at what point did you really reach that?
it can last a long ass time. it started for me when i was 15ish, i am now 30 years old. there have been periods in there that i would call functional, but they never last. the only thing that i can attest to is that success will not bring any kind of long-term gratitude to a person like me, and possibly, to a person like you. probably the effects of some kind of earlier trauma or depression that was untreated or whatever. i think im further along this spiral than you are, i will probably get out of it for a while soon again before the inevitable freefall. i would recommend you seek help because the doom and gloom phases keep getting more intense and destructive for the mental. hope this helps
>>3387214115 years? Yet, I can see the next decade of my life succumbing to that, so thanks for the wake up call. It can latch on to me much more than it already has, which is morbid to think about.>i can attest to is that success will not bring any kind of long-term gratitude to a person like me, and possibly, to a person like you. I feel this is true as well, despite how much of my mind is occupied of thoughts of "hey, if I manage to do this I'll be happy">seek helpYeah, I know just occasional bursts of what's on my mind on places such as these doesn't achieve much. I've long strayed away from professional help since I fear I'll just sabotage it if I try it, but maybe that's just another excuse.
