i was contemplating proposing to my gf, but now i'm thinking about breaking upwe attended a wedding recently and she absolutely loved it. She went on for hours on how amazing the food was, the venue, the decoration, the bride and the groom, all of it. A couple of days later she even started talking to me about how she wished "our" wedding to be as great as the one we went to, so we started talking about it and she obviously expects a lavish party. I told her I personally don't care for any of that and I would be more than ok with just going to the courthouse and maybe us doing something after just the two of us. My opinion obivously shocked her because she thinks weddings have to be this magical get-together for friends, family, friends of family and family of friends. I told her that sounded expensive. She replied with "we'll figure it out.. there's ways to do it". I told her no, we don't "figure it out", we plan it in advance and budget it accordingly, specially since i've been organizing myself for the past 3 years because I hope to start my own business in about 2 years. I would have to either blow my reserve or go into debt just to throw a stupid party for people i either barely know or actually dislike. Then she tried the emotional angle, how it's every girl's dream, how it's her dream, to have a fairytale wedding. I just said "we need to think about it some more" and ended the conversation... so that's that
> a stupid party for people i either barely know or actually dislike.You were thinking about marrying a woman who exclusively keeps company that you can't stand to be around?Is literally everyone who posts frogs retarded? Is this bait?
>>33872308it's not 100% people I don't like.. I really like her family on her mother's sideIt's some of the more distant cousins on her father's side I can't stand, and some of her friends
>pants-on-head retarded perspective on own relationship>gender war angle>le frogyep, its bait or an anti-west botdo not engage
>>33872294sounds like you don't really want to marry her, sorry bud, but you are going to break her heart or vice versa.>i was contemplating proposing to my gf, but now i'm thinking about breaking updo it now, don't waste someones time
>>33872371>sounds like you don't really want to marry her, sorry bud, but you are going to break her heart or vice versa.because I refuse to spend tens of thousands on a party?
>>33872294She's gonna secretly cheat on you after you get locked into marriage and only keep you around to fund her lifestyle and get validation kek. Bonus points if your business venture works out and she gets a big payday from it.
>>33872398Non incel here.Yeah That'd be a deal breaker for me. It says a lot about her, too. My wife and I had a small enough wedding we actually profited. But she actually gives a fuck about savings and debt, and having the former and not the latter.They do exist. But regardless, Im sure this'll manifest other ways. Like this is a woman who if you ever came into a lot of money shes gonna wanna spend it all rather than invest it or save towards something, and youll be broke for retirement.
>>33872308>>33872370>>33872371>>33872419Nobody thinks they're more of a relationship expert than people whove never even talked to a girl let alone been in one..
>>33872294If you can't work through a problem this small, you are probably not compatible partners...
>>33872294Meet in the middle anon, a party to satisfy her but small enough to not put you through debtIf you cant reach an agreement then yeah maybe youre not compatible
>>33872294Why would you get married at all? Fuck that lmao.
>>33872559I'm the first guy and am single right now, but I've spent nine years of my life in relationships.>>33872321You've got to give more of a shit about this if you actually want to marry this woman. This is a day that she only expects to come once in her entire life.What she wants isn't really all that stupid or unreasonable at all. She wants to remember the day as a celebration of your love with all of her favorite people present. If you care about her, you will give her that experience.
>>33872824>If you care about her, you will give her that experience.I do, i guess... she cares way too much about crap like this, like the perfect vacation, or gathering friends and family. I honestly find all this so excruciatingly boring that i checked out, and she gets mad that I don't care as much as she doeswhat i really care about are my goals. basically I've been living off ramen noodles ever since finishing hs. I'm done with student loans and even managed to buy a small condo. right now all i care about is putting enough money together so i can quit wageslaving. now the idea of blowing even 10k on a wedding seems foolish at best
>>33872893Bro. You as a man care about owning property and acquiring wealth and being financially independent and having a hot wife that likes to fuck you. Your woman doesn't give a fuck about any of that. She cares about this one day in her life about the same amount that you care about all those other things. It is your job as the man in her life to give her what she wants so she can support you getting what you want. It's just the way it is. Deal with it or be single.
>>33872294Ask yourself one question, OP:"Is she part of the crew, or part of the cargo?"
find a compromise then. do a wedding at home.
>>33872398This is literally an episode of Friends.>"If you keep calling it a party, you might not get invited."Do you care about your woman or your money? You're going to have to choose eventually.
Tell her she can have whatever wedding she wants so long as her parents pay for it. You will buy the rings.
>>33873761Groom pays for the rehearsal dinner though, which can get pretty pricey if the bride brings in lots of out-of-town guests.
>marriage is too expensiveYou can't have a family. That's the most expensive thing in an average guys life
>>33872294Lel you sound like my ex. Just convince in this economy it's not worth having a big wedding.
>>33873727money problems are one of the main reasons for divorce
>>33872294Yeah, women love being the center of attention, the star of a big event. How surprising. Sounds like you don't value her very highly. My brother talks eagerly of his upcoming wedding to his long-time girlfriend, and he wants it to be a big deal for her sake.
>>33876432imagine quantifying affection by how much money you're willing to give a superfluous industry who's one of the most egregious practitioners of price gouging... good goy
>>33872294Personally I think there's a healthy middle ground. A wedding is a celebration but not a royal affair. Close friends and family should be invited, fed well and done at a nice venue. I imagine a normal amount of guests to be in the ballpark of about 50. It should cost thousands but not tens of thousands. If you're just signing a piece of paper genuinely what is even the point?
>>33876468You aren't giving the money to a superfluous industry. You are giving your woman the one thing she has always dreamed of since she was a fucking kid. You are actually a fucking retard and I hope she cheats on you.
>>33876576>If you're just signing a piece of paper genuinely what is even the point?legal status, tax breaks, inheritance and child custody
>>33876583If you don't give a fuck about making this girl's dreams come true, what business do you think you have asking her to marry you? You're fucking pathetic.
>>33876588because up until now we've had the same goals in life, but now she springs this wedding crap on me
>>33876606Ok and when you have your midlife crisis and you want to buy a sports car, you will expect her to support you making that decision because she loves you and cares about what you want right?>baby I love you but I don't actually care if you're happy
>>33876606Saying you aren't financially prepared for it and you need time to work harder to figure out how to make it special for her is one thing. Saying you don't give a fuck what she wants in the first place is something else entirely.Just break up with her now and marry some mail-order bride who is only in it for the business opportunity and green card if all you care about is the pragmatics of it.
Not what all girls want. Anyone with sense and understanding of current economics knows that weddings are just a money pit. A useless waste of hard earned money just to pay for something everyone who attends will forget about a few days later. If she loved you, she'd understand that it isn't in the cards for your guys. But because of her emotional instability and lack of financial literacy - she's willing to go into years of crippling debt for her photo op wedding. From a femanon, break up with her. If you do marry her courthouse style she'll just hold that over your head forever and guilt trip you for not wanting her "special" day. Weddings are just another glamorized western bullshit setup meant to trap people into lifetimes of debt.
>>33876585All that happens automatically through common law status
>>33876640To add - I've always imagined having a nice wedding, but realistically, if you want that dream aesthetic she's envisioning, you're looking at 100k+ to put everything together. Even simple ghetto weddings are costing thousands of dollars just to pay photographer, book the venue, and feed people cheap food. It's literally such a waste. I've completely abandoned the idea altogether. My partner and I have already agreed on a courthouse wedding - and will MAYBE shell out a couple thousand to book space at the botanical gardens to host a small party for family to come to. And that's only because I've been harassed by relatives about "when" and "where" - so I feel like I'm honestly forced to set shit up when I could care less about having a big day or having all attention on me. Saving for a down payment on a home should be priority for couples but too many women are wayyy consumed with the idea of a magical day.
>>33876668Kind of hard to believe that a woman exists who actually gets this. Are you sure you're not a man?
>>33876668>a small party for family to come toi guess one of the reasons I'm so against the idea of weddings is because I don't particularly like my family, i have a very strained relationship with my parents, and I'd feel obligated to invite them
>>33876698God this take is so old lmfao. Hurrrr durrr you're hilarious >>33876740This is understandable. I love my family, but outside of my parents and siblings - I honestly don't care about having other relatives show up. Like I hear from them once a year at maximum so feeling like I'm inviting people I don't know anymore is so weird. But that's how it is idk. Society has ingrained this mindset into us all and it is strange to come to terms with. Inviting people you don't talk to anymore or don't care about because "they're family" is certainly not talked about enough. All in all, I think what's important is having people you do care about invited. For example, my co-workers would be higher priority for the party over my random cousins. You don't want your day ruined by people that you don't gaf about, so make sure your gf understands this. You shouldn't feel obligated to invite people you have a bad relationship with - regardless of blood relation. But I think it's fair to say you don't want anything big simply out of not having anyone to invite. She should respect that. And if she doesn't, I think you're valid in questioning the relationship. It's meant to be a partnership and if this issue can't be worked around because it's her way or the highway, she shouldn't be shocked when you don't want to pursue her anymore. I'd be disturbed if my man wanted a big wedding - and it'd definitely strain our relationship if he wasn't able to compromise. Lol he was so relieved when I said I didn't care about a big wedding. He said he wasn't surprised though since I'm really introverted and would have a hard time with a big day like that.
>>33876698Also I thought this was some YWNBAW take when I first read it so my apologies on my initial response but YES women like this do exist but do seem rare. Find women who are financially stable so they don't have outlandish expectations and standards. It's actually amazing to me how many women are still stuck on the fantasy of a fairy tale wedding and I genuinely feel so bad for men that have to deal with it. Like it'd be so hard loving someone enough to marry them and then having it all go to shit because they can't compromise on their selfish, debt ridden lil day
>>33872294>Then she tried the emotional angle, how it's every girl's dreamKnew this was coming. Blech. Disney princess mentality is a red flag.
Isn't the bride's family supposed to pay?
