I’m worried about my zoomer brother. He’s in his final year of college and says he wants things but doesn’t actually do anything. He goes to class for a few hours daily, alleges he studies and does homework for a few hours daily but in reality fucks around most of that time. Other than that, he does nothing and never leaves the house. He doesn’t socialize, doesn’t participate in any extracurriculars, doesn’t play a sport, doesn’t have a part-time job, has never done an internship, isn’t applying for full-time jobs even though recruiting for those will be wrapping up soon, isn’t preparing for grad school or taking tests. He is basically just in class or on his phone all day and his letting his life pass him by. These classes of his aren’t even particularly hard by the way. It’s a standard full-time courseload and a couple of the classes are easy gen eds. His grades aren’t even particularly good either. They’re very mediocre. I’ve brought all this up to him but nothing changes. He is going to end up another 20-something zoomer working a dead-end job they don’t want because he blew his opportunity to do anything better, which he has in spades right now. He says he feels bad and wants to do all this stuff and get into a good career that uses his degree but he just won’t fucking do anything. Everyday he falls into the same patterns of class-phone/vidya-sleep over and over again. He even says he wants to go to the gym again, but that was months ago. He’s never gone, and I know he won’t go. I’m really getting sick of him being home all the time but more importantly I don’t want him to waste his life like he’s doing. If he wants more I want him to actually try to get more.
>>33889672Is he functional? Does he get out of bed most mornings? Is he passing his classes? Is he more-or-less content with life?Then this is none of your business.
>>33889672As someone who feels like the subject of this post (my current life situation and habits are eerily similar),I think ambition is something that your loved ones have to instill in youI never had intrinsic ambition to be anything else than a factory workerThe only times when I really tried, with anything, was when my mother basically reminded me that I was a loserOf course she didn't word it that way. She worded it more like life-is-hard-and-you-have-to-make-an-effortWhat I mean is that motivation is real and if you think it can be useful, keep reminding him that he should be better. Please keep motivating him, especially with the gym thing. My mother managed to make me a regular gym-goerObviously he won't appreciate it directly but if you love him and he knows, then you should do it and he should be at least somewhat receptive to what you have to say
>>33889736Yes. Yes. Yes. No. He’s my brother and I have his interests at heart so it is my business. >>33890182So what exactly do you think is the right method for doing that? I try to talk about what he wants to do with life but nothing excites him. I think he is just wasting his life on porn and TikTok and games quite honestly. He also seems to lack the confidence to believe he can do things he actually wants with his life.
>>33890270>He also seems to lack the confidence to believe he can do thingsThat's called laziness. Everything always feels impossible until you do itJust motivate him, like I'm motivating you right nowUltimately only he can fix his life. And only you can be the motivating siblingWe always think and talk about these things as if there was some solution to be foundBut the truth is we have to find that energy within ourselves, time and time againMy mom made a gym-goer out of me by gifting me a gym membership against my willI'm not telling you to do that. But try talking him into getting a membership. Say you can pay a part of it as an expedited birthday gift
>>33889672In order to do something, you have to finish doing nothing first.
>>33889672I think like a lot of young men he has looked around and decided it isn't worth it.Best you can hope for is that he falls into the sigma grindset youtube sphere and finds something he can be bothered to suffer a little bit for
>>33889672If he wants to live his life to simply enjoy himself you should let him. You can push him to do something sure but you have to not assume liability otherwise he'll both resent you and the work he knows he has to do. This can be resolved in like 3 sentences. >Hey bro about our talk on xyz >I'm just worried about you. >I'm not going to shit on you about it but don't say I didn't warn you- if you get a head start while you're young on this kind of crap you're gonna work odd-jobs until you get lucky decades later if ever. Lock in If he doesn't understand you spelling it out for him and he doesn't understand telling him heart to heart he deserves to be a burnout
>>33890421*If you don't
>>33890330How do I motivate him though. I ride his ass constantly and we have serious conversations every couple of months. It’s like no matter what I say or what he says, he just goes back to his same old patterns and nothing changes. For example, he already has a gym membership paid for by someone else. He doesn’t use it. He says he wants to start using it, but never does. >>33890350That is their prerogative as long as they actually try first. He isn’t trying. And the fact that hens going to college betrays the idea he wants to do nothing. He wants things, I think. He is just too fucking lazy and timid to try. >>33890421Absolutely not. He is living on someone else’s dime. At a minimum, he’ll procure his own way. He won’t even try to get a job. I refuse to enable my brother to become a slug for life. He is a smart and capable person who owes it to himself to go out and do things with his life, not waste it on TikTok and Pornhub.
>>33890421We’ve had this exact greentext conversation btw. Nothing changes. So what am I supposed to do? He is going to put in zero effort and just expect people to pay his way or he is going to be fucking homeless.
Now that I think about it, I think his problems are squarely timidness, or lack of confidence, and laziness, or lack of discipline. It’s not simple anomie or anhedonia, because he wants things. There’s nothing that really sets his heart on fire or gets his neurons firing as far as I can tell, but there are things he wants and wants to do. He just never does them because of, I think, a lack of discipline to do what’s necessary, and the lack of confidence to know the activity or reward is achievable. I don’t know how to instill these in someone. I can understand lack of confidence if you feel like you’ve taken your kicks in life, but the way out is pretty obviously discipline. You have to be disciplined, hard working, and focused enough to try to improve your lot and start racking up enough wins to feel confident. He just refuses to do it. I don’t get it because when I was his age, I had suffered losses but I worked my ass off to get out of the loss column. He just seems to default to not trying and just being a loser who never leaves the house and fucks around on X and PornHub all day. What should I do? He quits everything he tries the moment it seems difficult. I keep encouraging him, but I’m getting nowhere. Should I take his phone away and throw away the gaming consoles?
>>33890674>We've had this exact green text conversation btw >Did NOT lock in after you told him to lock in He deserves the squalor he ends up getting then. And if he does it eventually after he realizes he's wasting time, then you get exactly what you want, a successful little brother. So... then leave it at that. He's responsible for his shitty work ethic. Even then, who are you to deny his privilege of living with people so well off they can't really convince him of a sense of urgency? In reality, I agree with your brother. When it's meant to happen, it will happen. >>33890423Shit, that fucker did better than me when I was his age even if all he's doing is effectively sitting on his ass. I've been a hard worker my whole life and used to pride myself for it, then I landed a job where as important as it is, I do literally nothing for hours at a time. >He's going to expect people to pay his way or he is going to be fucking homeless. You do understand that's how people who work for 100k+ a year operate, right? Not by the skin of their teeth, or the grit of their heart, but because they have a single qualification and roll with it no matter how many people they're clearly taking advantage of. If he went with a smart major like biotech or any of the sciences he will have it made for the rest of his life. What does he do anyway, for college?
>>33890673>How do I motivate him though. I ride his ass constantly and we have serious conversations every couple of months. It’s like no matter what I say or what he says, he just goes back to his same old patterns and nothing changes.I still feel like I'm the person you're talking about OP.And you're talking about your brother the same way my mom talks about me.>He just seems to default to not tryingThis is exactly the way I operate too even when playing card games. My friends always have to encourage me to actually try.But I'm telling you, every time that I do something right.It's because my mother told me to do my homework.Or to go to the gym.Or to go to bed without my phone for once.So you have the right instincts.>>33890904I personally don't believe this when it's meant to happen, it will happen stuff.The premise of what you are saying is that the goal of life is being comfortable at the cost of others.I don't want to be that kind of person. Right now, I am, I'm de facto NEETing on my family's money because it's comfortable.But I know it isn't right. I'm not proud of it.
tbf most people dont do shit in collage other then study and workhe should be doing that because he's just wasting time and id assume money
>>33891227Well he doesn’t work and he barely studies so…His college experience will be nought because he put in the bare minimum effort and basically got nothing out of it.I feel bad for riding him so hard but he is so far from doing what he has to do as an adult I don’t know what else to do.
>>33889672Ask him if he's doing No Nut November unironically
>>3388967244% of college students have depression. It's pretty normal ya know.
>>33889672Have you considered maybe life just isn't too good for him, and the prospects ARE significantly dull and probably not worth pursuing?t. zoomer
