>>33892942
You should meet more people, I think. Look up anhedonia more.

>>33892942
You need to build up your confidence. It starts with how you view yourself.

Do you like the way you look? If not, work on improving your style and (or) hit the gym. Get consistent haircuts. Looking at yourself in the mirror and being happy with what you see is a big part.

Do you know your purpose? If not, what are you doing to find that out? Are you regularly doing things which you find fun and bring happiness (hobbies)?

Next you need to really introspect and think about who you truly are. What are your life goals? What are your dreams? What steps do you need to take to get there? Also think about what the ultimate and best version of you looks like. What does he smell like. How does he walk? Where does he go? And most importantly: how does he feel? The crazy thing about the mind is you can feel things that haven't happened yet. So guess what you're going to do? Take 10 minutes every day to tap into that feeling. Not only will it make you feel good, but its self generated. No one can ever take it away from you. No matter what happens, you always have you. But it also inspires you to keep exploring your desires and the things you like to do. It will help make the connections between those things and your life goals and help you formulate a path to getting there.

This is how you start generating confidence.

>>33893000
Thank you. I am aware of what anhedonia is, my doctor told me about it. I am on meds but not really improving. Meeting new people for me is complicated.. I've got some abandonment issues, also trust issues. I am pretty much extroverted and most people like me instantly, but I cant feel the same way sadly. They all look like a threat. I do trust like 3 people by this point

>>33893008
Thank you. I am working on my looks, had slacked that off since I lose my dad. Cut my hair recently and been feeling better about myself. I am kind of in shape because of all the stuff I keep on doing on a daily basis but yeah, there is improvement to come from that.

I work around my hobbies constantly. But its hard being sure something is truly my purpose since they dont really bring me happiness by the end of the day... Hence that hopeless feeling.

I dont know if I still got any dreams left. I wanted a quiet and peaceful life, but I would like not to feel like I do all the time. I will reread your post and think throughly about it. Thank you really

>>33893031
>But its hard being sure something is truly my purpose since they dont really bring me happiness by the end of the day... Hence that hopeless feeling.
Ok so what does that tell you? Clearly those hobbies aren't your purpose. What are you doing to find your purpose?
>I dont know if I still got any dreams left
Dreams are for when you're sleeping. You have a life to live. Fuck a dream because you can actually make what you want happen, with dedication. It's about purpose. It could be carpentry. Is that a dream? No. That's something you could start tomorrow. So stop approaching this as some super aspirational far-fetched thing that's super far away. Your purpose, no matter what it is, is something that you can do NOW. For example, I really like style fashion, so I've discovered that my purpose is creating my own fashion brand. I also want to do it because there aren't enough straight guys doing it lmao. Maybe the dream is making millions from it, but not really because I know i can do it, with a bit of time. But I'm working on it now and even small bits of progress are really fulfilling. This is the difference. Look for your purpose. It's something you're meant to DO. Not some dream which most people take as just having things. No. What are you meant to *DO*?

>>33893047
I kind of thought they had to be because I dont have much more going on for me. I've accomplished a position from a hobby I truly love and used to bring me happiness just by being part of it, but nowadays its been hard to get any rewarding feeling from it.

I admire you man. I will look up to you as for finding my purpose. The thing is, I've got many interests but not a clear path to follow from them, as I do from this thing I've been trying (and failing). How did you knew for sure you have found your purpose? What is the feeling like? How will I know?
Also, I accept tips as to where to look for it .

>>33893071
>How did you knew for sure you have found your purpose?
It's a constant evolution. First I though it was jewelry sales. Then web development. And now a fashion brand. It was kind of random, but it's something that I've thought of before. One day about a month or so ago, I was thinking and I just hit with the name of the brand out of nowhere. Then I remembered a year ago about what I'd do if I started my own brand. Then I started thinking about how to position. It was really enthusing. I could project out years how I'd want it to be. How I could build it. How to make it blow up in a particular city / area. It just came so easily. I think that's how I knew but it's one of those "you'll know if" deals. But even with this it's easy to fall back into old habits of being lazy and watching YouTube, so it's not like it's 100% effortless. You still have to decide to make it happen.
>The thing is, I've got many interests but not a clear path to follow from them
Sometimes you just have to start doing things until you find it. Maybe you'll think of a tangent related to what you're doing as you're doing it? Maybe you'll just have random inspiration like I did? The important key is trying things, but moving on after you've given it genuine effort if you don't get anything out of it. I'd say: stick with it as long as it takes to reach basic proficiency at it unless you just outright hate everything about it. Like clubbing. It's 100% not my vibe at all, so I'd only need 1 time to know it's not for me. But photography? You actually need to learn how to use the camera, learn technical concepts, do editing, etc. so you might have to keep at it a few months to know for sure it's not for you.
>Where to look
Inside. It all comes from you. Maybe start with getting back into things you liked back in childhood or high school. Whether it was drawing, photography, whatever. Then get into more stuff you've wanted to do. You'll eventually get inspired.

>>33893096
I see. I wonder if I am really at the wrong path by still pursuing this thing I have told you I am trying. Been some months as you've referenced photography, but I had once felt fulfilled by it. Those days are just being rougher. It sounds like I dont want to give it up and lose the only thing I got going on for me, like a dog refusing to let go of a bone. How do you think I could be certain it is time to move on?
Also, yeah. I've got some unfinished projects on mind I could try to get back at... Vidya related mostly

>>33893102
Another thing you need to consider is your father. Have you let that go yet? By that I mean are you still holding onto grief? Because that's going to get in the way of any progress you want to make. It's kind of like how African tribes would trap monkeys. See, monkeys like salt. So tribesmen would construct a mound somehow with a hole that was large enough for monkeys to put their hand in normally, but once they grabbed the salt and balled up their fists it was too small. They would make sure the monkeys could see them put the salt in. They'd trap the monkey because he didn't want to let go of the salt. They did this to let the monkey struggle and get dehydrated, so once they freed him, he'd lead them to water. If only the monkey let go of the salt, he could've escaped.

You might be that monkey. And grief might be your salt. You can't escape or move forward, yanking as hard as you can, because you won't let it go. Can you change it? No. Is he in a better place? Of course. Would he want you to continue feeling bad for him? Absolutely not. What happened is natural. It's happening to us all eventually. Why not be glad for what he was able to share with you. Why not be happy that you are the living continuance of his legacy?

You're going to have to do a lot of introspection and find the components you're holding onto that serve you no purpose. Hell, even saying out loud after closing your eyes and thinking deeply can make you feel better:
>I no longer have a use for this grief. It does not serve me, and I rid myself of it.
That's a command. That's how prayer is supposed to work. You don't beg for something. You command it and act accordingly. Because your reality is just a projection of what you think about. You can change it at will, anon. Say that shit every morning for 5 days and tell me you don't feel better. But it can expand to other things
>I am confident when I look in the mirror
or
>I'm finding my purpose

>>33893114
Grief is surely getting ahold of me in lots of ways. I cant remember a day where I didnt cry since he left me. Its too painful to think he will never return. Sometimes I think my brain is in some kind of escape lock where somewhere I believe he will come back home barging at the door as he would always do. I thank you from the bottom of my heart anon. I will try practicing these prayers. For his sake too, I am sure he wouldnt like to see me miserable like this.
But do you think grief might be affecting me to see my true purpose, even if I am at the right track? How do I know for certain I should give up on it and try new stuff?

>>33893138
>But do you think grief might be affecting me to see my true purpose, even if I am at the right track?
I don't think it will prevent you from seeing it, no. But I do believe it will make your vision cloudy because your mind is preoccupied with expending so much energy to the grief. It's like being in a dark room with a flashlight. The flashlight is on, but your grief is sucking most of the battery, so the light is very dim. Can you still see, yeah, but it's really hard and you have to get much closer to object to see with any real detail. Letting go of the grief should be your number 1 priority because it sucks most of your energy.

Also if you watch porn, you have to stop. I know for a fact that if I was beating off every day like I used to, my ideas wouldn't have come to me. I wouldn't be cold approaching women because my confidence would've been shot onto the wall under my desk. That's another huge energy drain as well. Your voice raises a whole octave after that shit too lol. Leave it alone as well.

One thing you have to realize is your body tries to play tricks on you. You have to learn to control your mind and realize that your physical body is just used to certain feelings, releasing certain chemicals caused by certain thought-paths. And it likes to remain where it's comfortable / familiar. So part of mending this is doing shit anyway. Stating clearly that grief has no purpose and carrying forward even though your body likes feeling as though it does. You might end up crying through it. "I am crying but grief still has no purpose any longer. Next day it'll be slightly easier. Over time the body gets used to the feeling of release and you progress forward. You'll get to the point where you don't cry at all. And your body gets reset to a new normal.

>>33893163
I see... Its hard to believe it will fully go away over any time by now, but I can start trying to working on grief absorbing my energy.

Thanks for the tip, but gladly I am free of porn. My libido sometimes isnt even that high either, probably because of all that bad stuff. But it was never my thing.

I will try to get better of not letting grief get the best out of me and pay attention to how I feel around the things I still try to see if I get some sense of purpose then. I keep on wondering what I should do with this heavy feeling that keeps coming back at the end of the day, that my effort was useless.

>>33893217
> I can start trying to working on grief absorbing my energy.
Good. Start by working on the words you use. Like
>I will try to get better of not letting grief get the best out of me
No. Change that to:
>I will not let grief get the better of me.
Be definite. Stop letting your words allow room for failure. Don't "try". Do. Yes, you may fail. But at least your speech wasn't working against you. Your speech needs to help you.
>I will try
becomes
>I will
>In the future
become
>I am now
See? Now, bringing it to myself: I am not planning to be a textiles magnate who started by founding a fashion brand. No. I already am a textiles magnate. I say it daily. It's on my lockscreen. I'm getting business cards that say it. I am a textiles magnate, *now*.
Those little changes will have a gigantic effect.

You're on a completely new path now, anon. You need to understand that. You have control of your mind. You can make your body do things it doesn't want to. And your grief was handled much faster than you thought. Peace is upon you, anon.

>>33893235
You are a blessed soul. Thank you for all the help. I wish you best of luck with your purpose on fashion. I am gonna practice the way I think and speak for more resolute ways. I will keep on going ahead til I find that happiness once again

>>33893283
>I will keep on going ahead til I find that happiness once again
No, you have already found it, anon. It's inside you right now. Peace.

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>>33892942
It is difficult to understate just how much psychological damage occurs in the young mind in never experiencing love when it was supposed to. It creates invisible but ever present and outwardly manifesting psychological wounds that may heal over time, but never disappear. It is a lifelong crippling of the mind, affecting things like confidence, self-esteem, healthy thought processes, and inability to cope with the difficulties in life in a healthy way. It breeds attitudes of perpetual envy and anger and depression. Especially when said individuals are constantly bombarded by images and media of people having lived their best life while they missed out and can never experience, ever. Because time is only linearly forward.

A means to try and "heal the mind" which has already happened for many who have resigned themselves to apathy and quiet resentment, but it doesn't remove the scar. The scar is always there. Always present. And it will always serve as a reminder, and always influence future thoughts and decisions and actions.

>>33892942
please dont give up
im going through anhedonia since like mid october and its fucking hell to deal with
i want to go back to smoking weed or self harming just to feel anything
i just hope we will be able to find happiness again even if every day feels wasted that theres light at the end of the tunnel