Currently writing this about an hour before I have to pick her up from work.I've been in a relationship with this girl for two years, but as of late, I've been on the fence on whether or not I should stay with her.I guess to say some details>Known each other for 9 years>Had a weird romantic tension mixed with near friendship ruining discourse through those 9 years>Dated twice for a VERY short period of time in junior year of high school>Dated for the third time in November of 2024>This one stuck all the way until today, its been two yearsTo make a long bullet point dump short, we've had a lot of bumps on this road together. Her parents were shitty and sometimes still are to this day and its contributed to her having pretty bad bouts of anxiety and self destructive behavior including self harm, major self deprecation, and some extreme levels of not doing/putting off basic tasks like laundry and room upkeep, with me having to do these tasks multiple times.There are a lot more things that have happened and are happening but I'm not gonna ultra mega text dump. I do know that many people IRL ,and many online now, have said and will say "Just break up" but, as someone who is religious and has transformed from an angry irreverent teen to an understanding social young adult(20), I feel duty bound to comfort and mediate her problems both because I have faith that everyone in the world can redeem themselves and grow, and because I have wronged her so much in the past. That and...I've tried to break up but her, her family, and my own mother, have convinced ,and kind of just hit me in the feels, to stay with her.So what do you think I should do here, I would say some gay shit like "And no you cant just tell me to break up" but no, I need advice, not curated feel good messages.
Based on this very limited information my impression is:The bit about the shitty upbringing, the self-deprecation, and self-harm, are different ways to shed responsibility.The shitty upbringing is an excuse.>I was treated badly, I am damaged, therefore not much should be expected of meThe self-deprecation is self-devaluing.>I am not worth much, therefore not much should be expected of meThe self-harm is an attempt to repent for the other negative behavior.>I did not do the right thing, therefore I deserve punishment>there, it's done, I am punished because I did not do the chores>I will not do the chores because I am already punishedI can only speculate further where this behavior pattern formed. Maybe she was expected to do chores, but was lazy like many kids and didn't want to do it. For refusing to do chores her parents called her lazy and worthless, and maybe even hit her.This taught her to associate being lazy with receiving pain and insults, and resulting in the chores not being done and her feeling bad. Worse, maybe her father or mother ended up doing the chores because she refused. Fast-forward to 2025 and that's (You).I wish you both the best, and I hope you can kill her demons together. Maybe you can tell her how greentext works and then have her read this post, so that it's not you saying it. If it's accurate it should really strike a nerve and motivate her into killing this part of her self rather than her whole self.Well OP looks like your auction is about to expire in 10 minutes and it's unlikely that anyone else posts, so good luck with my /adv/iiiice!
>>33892984>Has anyone been or is in a similar situation??>I've been in a relationship with this girl No one on 4chan has ever actually spoken to a real live girl, much less been in a relationship.
>>33892984Duty and guilt are shit reasons for a relationship. People tell you to break up because it would help both of you.
