A lot... A lot of horrible health things have happened to me in the past three years. I can't do the things I used to enjoy to the same level I used to. I can control myself fine most of the time but I still get a heart racing panic whenever I try to do them and am uncomfortable whenever I think about them. And sometime I go manic and do really dangerous things without thinking but that's very rare. I don't do anything fun anymore because I'm afraid if I stop even for a moment I will be punched with another health problem. Which is usually true. Like this week I cut my fingertip off with a box cutter because I was worring about random shit while doing stuff for fun and not work. Now I'm worring about that. Now I'm going to avoid fun things that require my fingers because I don't wanna think about it. If it's required and it's suffering then it's more tolerable because I can't be punished if it's the right thing to do. But I still want to avoid it anyways. Everytime I get hurt it's like I lost a potential future where I could have done something great. And if I lose them all (which I may already have), I'll be damned to TV for the rest of my life like boomers. I'm trying harder than I ever have before but am really starting to lose all meaning from it. What lesson am I supposed to learn from getting randomly hurt over and over and over again? How am I gonna live without the things I used to care about years ago? Can I enjoy them even if I never make any more progress than what I made in the past? I don't know anything at this point I'm so lost. Not even alone, just lost.
>>33897322Tldr. What is the point of my suffering. I'm embracing it and thats better than not but it's not enough and I'm missing something.
You're miaaing me
>>33897366What does miaaing mean?
>>33897412Missing me
